TED演講者：Bevy Smith / 貝維·史密斯

演講標題：How to discover your authentic self -- at any age / 如何發(fā)掘真實的自我——這無關年齡

內(nèi)容概要：In a talk packed with wry wisdom, pop culture queen Bevy Smith shares hard-earned lessons about authenticity, confidence, mature success and why, if you put in the work, "life gets greater later."

在充滿諷刺智慧的演講中，流行文化女王貝維·史密斯（Bevy Smith）分享了關于真實性、信心、成熟、成功以及為什么投入到工作中會讓“生活越來越美好”的來之不易的經(jīng)驗。

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【1】I am a late bloomer.

我是一個晚熟的人。

【2】In fact, a friend of mine you may have heard of - Chris Rock - he once called me the most late-blooming mofo he'd ever met.

事實上,我的一個朋友, 你們可能聽說過 克里斯.洛克（Chris Rock） 他曾說我是他見過最晚熟的家伙。

【3】Now, some people might consider that snide, but I revel in it.

現(xiàn)在,有些人可能覺得那是嘲諷, 但我卻樂在其中。

【4】and I'm here in this curvy body as someone who has done the work, lived the life walked the walk in these very high heels - and therefore is qualified to testify in the church and in the court of law that it does, in fact, get greater later.

我努力保持著好身材, 還穿著非常高跟的高跟鞋 去工作、生活和走路 才得以獲得在教堂 和法庭上作證的資格。 事實上,自此以后一切都在變得更好。

【5】Now coming to this realization wasn't easy.

意識到這一點并非易事。

【6】At the age of 38, I was a very successful fashion advertising executive, and I was really living what most people considered a dream life.

在我 38 歲的時候, 我是一名非常成功的時尚廣告主管, 我真的過著對大多數(shù)人 來說是夢想中的生活。

【7】I was jet-setting to fashion shows; I was receiving free designer clothes; I was double-kissing my way across the globe.

我不停地私人飛機參加時裝秀; 我不停地收到免費的名牌服飾; 我在環(huán)游世界的路上 不停地親吻別人臉頰。

【8】I was.

真的。

【9】And, you know, it was everything that I ever wanted it to be, and then one day I realized I was only pretending to be happy.

你知道,這就是我想要的一切, 然后有一天我意識到, 我只是在假裝開心,

【10】But I couldn't blow up my good life in my prime earning years, right?

但我不能在我收入最好的時候 毀掉我的美好生活,對吧？

【11】Wrong.

不對。

【12】Which leads me to lessons my mother Lolly taught me.

這讓我想起了我媽媽洛莉?qū)ξ业慕虒А?/p>

【13】Lolly's number one lesson: don't settle.

洛莉的第一課: 不要妥協(xié)。

【14】Don't settle.

不要妥協(xié)。

【15】Now I'm aware that my well-paying, glamorous career is not exactly the humdrum, "I hate my job" stereotype that most people equate with settling.

現(xiàn)在我意識到,我的高薪、 光鮮亮麗的工作給我的感覺, 并不像大多數(shù)人認為的那樣, 在安定后產(chǎn)生的乏味感 那種“我討厭工作”這種刻板印象。

【16】But it was a settle for me, because when I actually did quit my job at the age of 38, it was with the intention that every day be a great adventure.

但它對我來說是一種妥協(xié), 因為當我真的在 38 歲辭掉工作時, 我的預想是每天 都將是一次偉大的冒險。

【17】Now sometimes it was a very scary adventure, like being broke from the age of 40 to 45.

但有時它會是非?？膳碌拿半U, 就像在 40 歲到 45歲 時破了產(chǎn)。

【18】But even still, I wouldn't trade that for the safe and settled version, because if I had, I would not be here with y'all today.

但即便如此, 我也沒有死守安穩(wěn)的生活, 因為如果我那樣做了, 我今天就不會站在這里了。

【19】Yeah.

是的。

【20】So you know how when you like, buck the system and go against the status quo, it makes people really uncomfortable?

所以你知道,當你對體制產(chǎn)生不滿, 不安于現(xiàn)狀, 會讓人們感覺很不舒服嗎？

【21】And invariably, people will ask, "Where do you get your confidence?"

無一例外,他們總是會問, “你哪兒來的自信？”

【22】Now some people mean it as a compliment, but very often it's shady ...

有些人認為這是一種恭維, 但很多時候不一定是……

【23】and it's a silent judgment.

這是一種無聲的批評。

【24】And to those people, I respond with a quote from this Brooklyn poet you may have heard of, Jay-Z.

對于這些人, 用一句你們可能聽過的布魯克林詩人 Jay-Z 的話。

【25】'"She get it from her mama."

“她從她媽媽那里學來的?！?/p>

【26】I am she, and my mama is the epitome of a grown-ass woman: someone who has always been very comfortable in her skin.

我就是詩中的“她”, 而我媽媽是一個成熟女性的縮影: 她總是對自己特別自信的一個人。

【27】In 1965, my mom was 37 years old.

1965 年,我媽媽 37 歲。

【28】She already had one child, my big brother, Gerry, and she married my dad, but she kept her maiden name.

她已經(jīng)有了一個孩子, 我的大哥,格里, 之后她嫁給了我的爸爸, 但她保留了她的娘家姓。

【29】And then she had my sister Stephanie and I back-to-back, but she continued to work because she refused to be beholden to my dad for money.

然后她接連生下了 我的姐姐斯蒂芬妮和我, 但她還堅持工作, 因為她拒絕在金錢上完全依賴我的父親。

【30】And I bet my mom was the only woman in our neighborhood who cooked once a week.

我敢打賭,我媽媽是我們街區(qū)唯一一個, 每周只做一次飯的女人。

【31】She made Sunday dinner.

她只做周日晚餐。

【32】It was an extravaganza, but that's all she did.

那是一頓盛宴, 但她也就只做那一頓。

【33】She cooked one day a week.

她每周只在那一天里做飯,

【34】My mom is just amazing.

我的媽媽太贊了。

【35】And she also had this ability of talking to her children about real life and making sure that we understood the virtues of going your own way, which is why I believe today at the age of 94, and a recent widow, my mom is still carving out ways to find and determine and define her own version of happiness.

她也有能力和她的孩子談論真實的生活, 并確保我們理解走自己的路是好的, 這就是為什么我相信 我那位如今已 94 歲高齡, 且剛失去丈夫的媽媽, 依然在刻苦鉆研方法 去尋找、確定和定義屬于自己的幸福。

【36】She cooks for herself.

她給自己做飯。

【37】She maintains her home exactly as she sees fit.

她完全按照她認為合適的方式 來打理她的家,

【38】She enjoys champagne and R-rated films.

她喜歡香檳和 R 級影片。

【39】My mom has managed to maintain her glamour, her sex appeal, you know, her independence.

我媽媽成功地保持了她的魅力、 她的性感, 和她的獨立。

【40】And I really hope some of that rubs off on me.

我真的希望這能影響到我。

【41】You know, recently I've been thinking about one of the best lessons that my mom ever taught me, which is the literal beauty in aging.

最近我一直在思考 我媽媽教給我的最好的一課, 那就是字面上的衰老之美。

【42】Now, we all know that Black don't crack, right?

現(xiàn)在,我們都知道黑人不顯老,對吧？

【43】OK...

好吧……

【44】Black don't crack.

黑人是不顯老。

【45】So at the age of 50, my mom could have easily passed for the age of 35.

所以在我媽媽 50 歲的時候, 她很容易被誤以為是 35 歲。

【46】And you know, that's back during the time when people - women were really coy about their age.

你們知道,在這個年齡段當人們 女性會避而不談她們的年齡。

【47】'"Oh, a lady never tells her age."

“噢,一位女士 永遠不會透露她自己的年齡?！?/p>

【48】My mom never subscribed to that.

我媽媽從來都不認同這個觀點。

【49】She was always proud of her age.

她總是為自己的年齡感到驕傲。

【50】As a matter of fact, she believes you may not tell your age, but your hands and your neck will.

事實上, 她認為就算你不說你的年齡, 但你的手和脖子會。

【51】So make peace with aging, or prepare for an entire wardrobe of gloves and turtlenecks.

所以接受衰老吧, 或者準備好一整柜的手套和高領衣服。

【52】Yeah, my mom has always done these wonderful things like that, but I wish she could rub off on everyone because I feel like now I'm looking at even 20-somethings who have a fear of aging.

是的,我媽媽總是做這種奇妙的事情, 但我希望她能夠感染每一個人, 因為我覺得,現(xiàn)在我看到, 甚至 20 多歲的人都害怕變老。

【53】I watch them on social media, like, you know, compulsively practiclng the latest 10-second dance craze, and it feels like their angsty and asking, "Is that all there is?"

比如,我在社交媒體上看到她們 強迫自己學會最流行的 10 秒鐘的舞蹈, 感覺她們像是在焦慮地問, “只有這些嗎？”

【54】And I just want to yell, "Yes, that is all there is if all you're going to do is settle for dancing to someone else's TikTok beat!"

我只想大喊, “是的,如果你只滿足于 跟著別人的抖音節(jié)拍跳舞, 那就只有這些了！”

【55】Settling is very insidious.

妥協(xié)往往時不知不覺的。

【56】It keeps us dancing on this string, waiting for this elusive, better day to miraculously appear.

它使我們在這根弦上跳舞, 并等待著難得的、更好的日子 奇跡般地出現(xiàn)。

【57】Now thanks to Lolly's tutelage, that's not my story.

多虧了洛莉的指導, 那不是我的故事。

【58】In fact, I take each day as it comes but I try to make it better than the last.

事實上,我會過好每一天, 而且我會努力把 每一天過得比昨天更好。

【59】So, you know, I'm single ...

我是單身……

【60】but I'm always ready to mingle.

但我一直在為交往做準備。

【61】I'm an entrepreneur, but I keep multiple revenue streams.

我是一個企業(yè)家, 但我有多種收入來源。

【62】I'm a solo traveler, which means I've done the sepia version of "Eat, Pray, Love" on six continents.

我是一個獨自旅行的人, 這意味著我已經(jīng)在六大洲 完成了“美食、祈禱、戀愛”的旅程,

【63】Because I don't settle.

因為我不甘妥協(xié)。

【64】What that means is that I also don't second-guess my decisions, and I'm also not worried about my future because I'm firmly rooted in the present.

這意味著我也不會在事后評價我的決定, 并且我也不會為我的未來擔憂, 因為我會堅定地活在當下。

【65】Settling is a really sinister thing.

安定下來真的是一件災難性的事情。

【66】It will keep you up at night tossing and turning, trying to figure out why and trying to answer that age-old question of "Is that all there is?"

它會讓你夜不能寐,輾轉(zhuǎn)反側(cè) 試圖找出原因, 并試圖回答那個古老的問題 “只能如此了嗎？”

【67】Personally, I don't have time for that, because the only time I want to be kept up all night long tossing and turning is when I'm in the company of a fine-ass man.

就我而言,我沒有時間去想這些, 因為唯一一次讓我整夜輾轉(zhuǎn)反側(cè)的還是 我在公司里 遇見一個翹臀男士的時候。

【68】That's it.

就那一次。

【69】I wish I could tell you guys that I learned all these valuable lessons from Lolly and they were instilled in me and it was great, but alas, I am a late bloomer in all regards.

我希望我能夠告訴你們 我從洛莉那里學到的所有的寶貴經(jīng)驗, 它們被灌輸給了我,這樣很好, 但是,我在各方面都是一個晚熟的人。

【70】So I had to learn a couple of lessons from the era of Bitchy Bevy.

所以我不得不從 “小賤賤的貝維” 時代吸取一些教訓。

【71】What kind of person has 10 assistants in five years?

什么樣的人會在 5 年內(nèi)換 10 個助手？

【72】Bitchy Bevy, that's who.

“小賤賤貝維”,就是我。

【73】Now I didn't start out my career with a toxic attitude.

我不會以一種有害的態(tài)度 來開啟我的職業(yè)生涯。

【74】No, initially I was really happy to be in the fashion industry.

不,剛開始我真的 很高興能在時尚界工作。

【75】You know, but then I began to compare my trajectory to others, and I also began to feel burned out because I was burdened by these personas that I had created that were allegedly going to help me progress in my career.

但后來我開始將自己的職業(yè)生涯 和其他人的進行比較, 我也開始感到精疲力盡, 因為我被自己想象出來的 貌似有助于我在職業(yè)生涯中 進步的角色所苦惱。

【76】I made a couple of mistakes.

我犯了幾個錯誤。

【77】One, I thought that being snarky was a good career move.

第一,我認為說風涼話會有助于職業(yè)發(fā)展,

【78】It wasn't.

其實它不是。

【79】I also thought I look good in the color brown.

我也認為我穿棕色比較好看,

【80】I actually don't.

其實我錯了。

【81】Yeah.

是的。

【82】And, you know, I just - in my dream montage, I wanted to get away from Bitchy Bevy.

要知道,我只是 在我夢想中的畫面, 我想逃離“小賤賤貝維”,

【83】I wanted to get away from the color brown.

我想擺脫棕色。

【84】And so in the movie version of my life, as soon as I quit my job, I'm a yoga guru.

所以在我電影版本似的生活里, 我一辭掉工作, 就成了一個瑜伽達人。

【85】I'm extremely limber and very happy.

我非常柔軟,也非常開心。

【86】Come to think of it though, guys, I'm actually limber and happy right now.

仔細想想,朋友們, 我現(xiàn)在實際上也很柔軟,很開心。

【87】But I would be lying - and I believe it is against international law to lie during a TED Talk - so I'm not going to do that.

但我可能在撒謊 我相信在 TED 演講上撒謊 是違反國際法的 所以我不會那樣做。

【88】And as a matter of fact, my insecurities popped back up as late as last year.

事實上,我的不安感早在去年就出現(xiàn)了,

【89】I was minding my business, as one does, perusing social media, and I saw people excelling in a space where I, you know, traditionally had a lot of success.

我在專心于我的生意, 在仔細閱讀社交媒體時, 我看到人們在一個 我曾經(jīng)取得過 很多成就的領域中表現(xiàn)出色。

【90】So I'm looking at it and I'm like, "Well, why the hell they ain't call me for that job?"

然后我看著它就會想, “好吧,他們?yōu)槭裁床徽椅?？?/p>

【91】And I have this, like, angst, and then I realize they didn't call me for that job because you already said you didn't want that job.

我會有這種焦慮, 然后我意識到他們沒有找我 是因為你已經(jīng)說過 你不想要那份工作了。

【92】You told the universe you weren't into working like that.

你已經(jīng)告訴全世界你 不想再做那份工作了,

【93】You don't want a job - I really don't.

你不想要的一份工作 我真的不想。

【94】I'm not into it.

我不感興趣。

【95】So...

因此……

【96】that's why it happened.

所以才會這樣。

【97】And what I realize is that intellectually I had grown and evolved, but emotionally ...

我意識到我在思想上有了成長和進步, 但是在感性上……

【98】I was Tom Petty and I was living in "Petticoat Junction."

我就是湯姆.佩蒂（Tom Petty）, 我一直活在電視劇 《Petticoat Junction》的世界。

【99】I told y'all that brown doesn't look good on me; petty looks even worse.

我告訴過你們棕色不適合我; 瑣碎的棕色看起來更糟糕。

【100】It's not my shade.

這個顏色不適合我,

【101】And so what I wound up having to do was really get a grip.

所以我不得不做的是控制自己。

【102】I had to assess a few things about myself, and I decided to do a little self-help ritual called ...

我不得不對自己的一些事情進行評估, 我決定做一個小小的自助儀式,叫做……

【103】'"Take a note, give a note."

“寫下筆記,給予筆記”

【104】It's easy.

這很簡單。

【105】When you see someone having something that you believe you deserve, you take a note.

當你看到某人擁有 你覺得是自己應得的東西時, 你就寫下來。

【106】You ask yourself a few questions.

你問自己幾個問題。

【107】Is it something that you really want?

這是你真正想要的嗎？

【108】Perhaps that person is better suited than you are for that.

或許那個人比你更合適。

【109】Does the universe - is the universe conspiring for you to have that?

世界是否 世界會暗中幫你擁有它嗎？

【110】Really kind of try and be honest with who you are and where you're at in life.

真的試著誠實地面對你是誰, 你在生活中處于什么位置。

【111】Once you do that, you take a deep breath - and you say, "Their wins have nothing to do with my worthiness."

一旦你這樣做了,你深呼吸 你說,“他們的勝利與我的價值無關?！?/p>

【112】And then you're ready to give a note.

然后你就準備好給予筆記。

【113】You go on social media, and you say congratulations.

你回到社交媒體, 去說祝賀。

【114】Or my personal favorite, you pick up the phone, like it's the 20th century, and you say, "Congratulations, kudos, you did that, Al!

或者我個人最喜歡的是, 你拿起電話,就像是在 20 世紀那樣, 然后你說,“祝賀你, 恭喜你,你做到了,艾爾！

【115】You go, girl!"

你太贊了吧,姑娘！”

【116】You do all the things.

做了這些事情,

【117】Instantly you feel like a better human being because you have actually extended grace.

你馬上就能感受到自己是一個更好的人, 因為實際上你已經(jīng)變得更加有風度了。

【118】You've extended grace.

你自身更加有風度了,

【119】You've extended grace to someone else.

你對待其他人也更加有風度了。

【120】And I believe that when you remove malice from your heart, not only do you feel better, you look better.

而且我相信當你把怨恨從心里抹去后, 你不僅會感到更好,你看起來也會更好。

【121】I think you lose your frown lines and your wrinkles lessen and your age spots disappear.

我認為當你不再眉頭緊鎖時, 你的皺紋會變少、老年斑會消失。

【122】I believe it's better than Botox, extending grace.

我相信提高風度所帶來的效果 比保妥適除皺針更好。

【123】I do.

我真的相信。

【124】Yeah.

是的。

【125】No, but let me get back to the note thing.

但是讓我回到筆記的事情上。

【126】So one of my favorite notes is from Willie Shakespeare.

我最喜歡的名言之一 是威利.莎士比亞說的。

【127】'"To thine own self be true."

“忠于你自己?！?/p>

【128】Now we've all read self-help books, and the first line of defense is always "Be your most authentic self."

現(xiàn)在我們都讀過自助類書籍, 第一條提議永遠是 “做最真實的自己?！?/p>

【129】And I believe in that.

我相信這一點。

【130】I believe that nobody can be you but you, so you might as well show up and show out.

我相信,除了你自己, 沒有人能夠成為你, 所以你不妨試著去做一下。

【131】But here's the quandary that the bard never put forth.

但是詩人莎士比亞從未解答一個困惑。

【132】What if you don't really know who you are because you suppressed your inner self?

如果你因為壓抑了內(nèi)心的自己 而不能真正了解自己該怎么辦？

【133】You've suppressed the core of you.

你壓抑了自己的核心。

【134】You've suppressed the best parts of you because you took on these other identities and these personas in an effort to make your life better.

你壓抑了自己最好的部分, 為了讓自己的生活更好, 你扮演了其他的身份和角色。

【135】Because, you know, we all buy into some things about what we're supposed to be doing and who we're supposed to be.

因為,我們都相信我們應該做什么, 我們應該成為什么樣的人。

【136】So what if you squelch that?

但如果你壓制了它會怎樣呢？

【137】Because I know I had to excavate to dig up a Little Brown Bevy.

因為我知道我必須發(fā)掘 才能發(fā)現(xiàn)我內(nèi)心的“小棕色的貝維”。

【138】But the way I found her was with three questions.

但我通過三個問題找到了她。

【139】Who am I at my core?

我的內(nèi)心是誰？

【140】How am I being perceived?

我的感受是怎樣的？

【141】How would I like to be perceived?

感受到了我會怎么樣呢？

【142】Who am I at my core?

我的內(nèi)心是誰？

【143】At my core I'm looking to authentically connect with people.

在我的內(nèi)心深處,我希望與人真誠溝通。

【144】I don't like a cursory, you know, interaction, and I do not believe in networking.

我不喜歡草率的交流, 我也不相信網(wǎng)絡。

【145】I like an authentic connection.

我喜歡真實的連接。

【146】I'm also curious and I'm adventurous and I'm kind and I've got big dreams.

我也很好奇、喜歡冒險、 很善良, 還有遠大的夢想。

【147】How am I being perceived?

我的感受是怎樣的？

【148】Well, y'all know the nickname, Bitchy Bevy ...

好吧,你們都知道這個綽號, “小賤賤貝維”……

【149】so, duh.

因此,噠。

【150】But here's the problem.

但是問題來了。

【151】There's a lot of power in that persona, and I actually really enjoyed it for a time, you know, because you can make a lot of money being a bitch, especially in fashion.

這個角色有很大的力量, 我真的很喜歡它,要知道, 因為當一個“小賤人”可以賺很多錢, 尤其是在時尚界。

【152】But it's also incredibly lonely and isolating, and I didn't want to live that life anymore.

但它也會讓人感到極其孤獨無助, 我不想再過那樣的生活了。

【153】And so I decided to change my life.

所以我決定改變我的生活,

【154】And I left all of that alone.

我放棄了一切。

【155】I really did, like, just change my spirit.

我真的做到了,我改變了我的精神。

【156】And leaving fashion obviously helped.

離開時尚界顯然是有幫助的。

【157】And when I did that, all of a sudden, I let Little Brown Bevy out to play.

當我這樣做的時候, 突然,我釋放出了“小棕色的貝維”。

【158】Little Brown Bevy.

“小棕色的貝維”,

【159】I love her so much.

我非常愛她。

【160】Little Brown Bevy is a nerdy girl, and so I let my nerdy pursuits come out to play.

她是一個書呆子女孩, 所以我把我的書呆子放出來玩。

【161】I must have joined every museum on Museum Mile in New York City.

我想自己已經(jīng)參觀過紐約市 博物館大道上的所有博物館了。

【162】I began to travel the world just to look at architecture I had always dreamed of.

我開始周游世界, 只是為了看看我一直夢想的建筑。

【163】I learned how to be alone without being lonely.

我學會了如何獨處而不孤獨,

【164】My spirit shifted.

我的精神改變了。

【165】I became a better person.

我變成了一個更好的人。

【166】You can ask people - I became a better person.

你可以問別人 我變成了一個更好的人。

【167】And now I get to stand here in front of you guys with no bravado, with nothing to prove, I tell you, with nothing to prove.

我現(xiàn)在敢站在你們的面前,這樣說, 沒有虛張聲勢, 沒有什么好證明的, 我告訴你們,沒有什么好證明的。

【168】I'm not trying to prove nothing to y'all.

我不想向你們證明什么。

【169】Thank you.

謝謝！

【170】I have an open heart.

我有一個開放的心態(tài)。

【171】And I can't even believe from the hamlet of Harlem, is now an award-winning radio and TV host, an author, an actress, a creative consultant.

我甚至不敢相信 第八大道、第 150 街的“小棕色的貝維”, 現(xiàn)在是一個獲獎的電臺和電視主持人, 一個作家, 一個演員, 一個創(chuàng)意顧問。

【172】I would do all those things for free.

我愿意免費做所有這些事情。

【173】But here's the thing.

但問題是。

【174】I ain't cheap, and I'm definitely not free, so don't get any ideas.

我不便宜,我肯定也不會免費, 所以不要有任何想法。

【175】But I am here in this "Mama I made it" moment as someone who can show up as her most Bevyest self because I've done the work.

但在這個“媽媽,我成功了”的時刻, 我能夠展現(xiàn)出最貝維的一面, 因為我已經(jīng)做到了。

【176】Yeah, my most Bevyest self.

是的,我最貝維的自己。

【177】So, you know, I'm going to show up - some of you've met me - you know I'm vibrant and boisterous, AKA loud.

所以,你知道,我想要被關注 你們中的一些人已經(jīng)見過我了 你們知道我充滿活力又吵鬧, 是個大嗓門。

【178】OK, you know that I'm going to show up, and I've got a pep in my high heel, red-bottom step.

好吧,你們知道我會出現(xiàn), 高跟鞋、紅毯會給我?guī)砘盍Α?/p>

【179】I do have heaving cleavage.

我的確有很深的乳溝。

【180】And I've got a tell-it-like-it-is approach to life that's always dosed with a ladle of love.

我對生活的態(tài)度就是直言不諱, 這種態(tài)度摻雜著愛意。

【181】It took me 55 years to get here.

我花了 55 年才走到了這里。

【182】So, Chris Rock, you're right.

所以,克里斯.洛克,你是對的。

【183】I'm a late bloomer.

我是一個晚熟的人,

【184】And that's OK.

但沒關系。

【185】Because I'm right on time, Because it gets greater later.

因為這就是我人生的時間表, 因為以后會變得更好。

【186】Thank you.

謝謝！