? ? ? ? ?My name is Meade. I was born to a highly intellectual family a few decades ago. As my father is a man of high IQ and a scientist specialized in math and computer sciences, I inherited his genes and was exposed to his study and his scientific friends at an early age. Since born, I was quite curious about everything around me and, to find answers, gravitated towards science. As a child, I always tortured my father with all sorts of awkward questions: why can’t a dog speak? Why does everyone have a self-respect? Why can’t we fly like airplanes? Why is a boat able to float in the sea? Why can a roly-poly never fall? He dismissed me with thick books defying my age every time when he was tired of my everlasting questions, so I had no other choice but open those ones thick with dust and look strenuously for answers. As I was quite peculiar in my peers’ eyes and scarcely any of them accepted me as one of them, I had no other occupation than reading widely in literature, philosophy, physics, biology and sociology.During the course I gradually developed a special interest towards math. It is the key to open the door to a wider world in which my reason and intelligence come in. It brought happiness to me as well when I worked out a challenging problem and had a grasp of those mysterious symbols a double burger in KFC or an advanced ice cream in Haagen-dazs failed to do so. Having buried myself in books and learnt it on my own for years, I had already had some deep insight into the realm and in some professors’ eyes, the ability of a Ph.D in math when I was 16. My ambition was to become a mathematician known for solving world problems.

???????? 我叫米德，幾十年前出生在一個高級知識分子的家庭，我爸爸是一個高智商同時也是一位專攻數(shù)學和計算機的科學家，我遺傳了他的基因并且從我記事起就對他的研究和他那幫科學圈的朋友耳濡目染，出生不久我就對周圍的一切充滿了好奇，為了尋求答案，我深深地被科學所吸引。作為一個小孩子，我經(jīng)常用各種稀奇古怪的問題拷問爸爸：為什么狗不會說話？為什么每個人都有自尊心？為什么我們不能像飛機一樣在天上飛？為什么船能浮在海上？為什么不倒翁永遠不會倒？每當爸爸被我無休止的問題給問煩了，他總是用幾本超出我年齡范圍的老厚書打發(fā)我，因此我別無選擇只能翻開那些布滿厚厚灰塵的書費力地尋找答案。因為我的同齡人都覺得我很怪，他們中幾乎沒有人能把我接納為他們中的一員，所以我只能扎根在書堆里廣泛涉獵文學、哲學、物理學、生物學和社會學，在這過程中我逐漸發(fā)現(xiàn)自己對數(shù)學情有獨鐘，那是一把打開一個更廣闊世界大門的鑰匙，在其中我的理性和智慧有用武之地，每當我解出了一道難題、掌握了一些神秘莫測的數(shù)學符號之后都會感到無比快樂，那種快樂是吃肯德基雙層漢堡或哈根達斯高級冰淇淋所得不到的，在埋頭苦讀和自學了好幾年以后，我在16歲時已經(jīng)對這個領(lǐng)域有了一些深刻的洞見，在某些教授的眼里，我甚至具備了一個數(shù)學博士的能力，我的理想是成為一個以解決世界難題聞名遐邇的數(shù)學家。

???????? In China, vocational school is a code word for the camp of poor, naughty students. Having got poor marks and been eliminated in the entrance examination for high school, they had no other choice but enter an inferior one. I was one among them then. Although I was a diligent boy and, not like my peers, wasted least amount of my time and effort on computer games and TV series, I constantly got poor marks at school, because I didn’t really think study has anything to do with performance in school. As a result, I could only get an inferior place in the current education system and keep company with a gang of low-grade boys. My parents were quite worried about my future: if I continued like this, I was sure to reduce to the bottom, then how could I support myself and my family? So, they always kept on at me about the importance of the marks and warned me to keep my mind on the preparation of the college entrance examination, because only when I was accepted as a college student could I distinguish myself academically in the exam-oriented Chinese education system. In spite of the annoyance they brought to me, I turned a deaf ear to it. Perhaps I had very little brains then, I concerned nothing beyond math. I never thought anything about my future.

? ? ? ? ?在中國，職業(yè)學?？梢哉f是差生、劣等生聚集地的代名詞，在中考中考砸了被淘汰的那些人別無選擇只能進次一等的學校，我當然也是他們中的一員。盡管我是個勤奮、不像同齡人把時間和精力浪費在游戲和追劇上的孩子，我在學校經(jīng)?？荚义仯驗槲也⒉挥X得學習跟分數(shù)之間有什么必然的聯(lián)系，結(jié)果是我只能在當前的教育體制內(nèi)占據(jù)一個拙劣的位置并且跟一幫劣等生混在一起。我父母都快為我急瘋了：如果我這樣下去，就必定會淪落底層，那時我該怎么養(yǎng)活自己和自己的家庭？因此，他們總是在我耳邊不厭其煩地絮叨著分數(shù)的重要性，并且規(guī)勸我把心思放在應(yīng)付高考上面，因為身處在中國這種應(yīng)試教育的環(huán)境中，只有進了大學我才有在學術(shù)上斬露頭角的余地，盡管他們總是嘰嘰歪歪地煩我，我卻對此充耳不聞，或許是我頭腦簡單吧，除了數(shù)學之外我啥事都不關(guān)心，我根本就考慮不到自己的未來。

???????? My work at school was quite boring. As most of my schoolmates were retarded and precious few of them kept their minds on study, the teachers was unable to imbued them with what they have even though they had encyclopedic minds. I could easily master what teachers taught with half as much effort as my peers paid, therefore I had plenty of time to probe into my academic research. As a experienced scientist and a sophisticated elder, my father constantly warned me that more important than reading thousands of books is traveling thousands of miles. So, I went to top universities citywide for lectures and my story began here. Once when I was attending a lecture of a foreign professor in Nanjing University (NJU for short), I chanced to strike up an acquaintance with Hannah, a female undergraduate majored in math. I was in the fifth row, and she was 1 row ahead of me. As I focused myself on what the professor said, I didn’t pay attention to that girl at first. But when she raised hand to ask some questions in her broken English and, as the professor had a incomprehensible look on his face, looked around for help in the Q&A session,I offered myself to be the communicative role between the professor and her, and in this way we get to know each other.

???????? 在學校的功課讓我倍感無聊，由于我的同學大都智力低下、他們中的極少數(shù)人把心思放在學習上，老師即便滿腹經(jīng)綸也難于把他們身上的東西灌輸給學生，我只需要花一半精力就能輕而易舉地掌握老師教的內(nèi)容，因此我有充裕的時間搞我的學術(shù)研究。爸爸作為一名經(jīng)驗豐富的科學家和一個久經(jīng)世故的長輩經(jīng)常告誡我比起讀萬卷書更重要的是行萬里路，所以我經(jīng)常跑遍滿城的名牌大學聽講座，我的故事也從這里開始。一次我去南京大學出席一名外籍教授講座的時候，我邂逅了漢娜——一位數(shù)學系的女本科生，我當時坐在第五排，她比我靠前一排，剛開始因為我全神貫注于教授所講的內(nèi)容，所以沒太注意到她，可是當她在提問環(huán)節(jié)舉手并用一口蹩腳的英語向教授提問、當教授一臉茫然時她左顧右盼尋找?guī)褪值臅r候，我自告奮勇地在她和教授之間充當起了溝通者的角色，在這種情況下我們彼此認識了對方。

???????? I focused on her appearance, and found she was a tall, lean girl with long, dark hair. Her features were as well-proportioned as the structure of a Beethoven’s symphony. A flaxen silk dress made her more of a glamorous Venus than those hot movie stars on the screen. A pair of glasses on her nose showed me more of urbanity than pedantry. I even had a thought, as a Chinese old saying goes “l(fā)ove me, love my dog”, that her study was scarcely any worse than her looks. As I was the person she should be grateful to, she took initiative to chat with me.

? ? ? ? ?“Your English is pretty good, what’s your name? What department are you in?” She asked curiously.

???????? “I, I, I…” I began to stammer about what I was going to say. Shall I tell her that I was just a vocational school boy? Of course not. If so, she must look down upon me and keep me at a distance.

???????? “My name is Meade, I’m a college student majored in math, but a different one from yours.” As I scarcely had a chance to talk with girls, especially a warm, generous, literate and good-looking one, I had no idea how to win her favor. So I fabricated my learning experience in desperation. Considering that I was mature physically and full of learning, she was sure not to doubt what I said.

???????? “You can call me Hannah. I am a sophomore here. Nice to meet you!” She uttered these words with a generous smile.

???????? 這時我開始注意到她的外貌，她是一個身材修長、留著烏黑長發(fā)的女生，她五官比例的勻稱程度堪比一首貝多芬交響曲的結(jié)構(gòu)，一身亞麻色的絲綢連衣裙讓她顯得比所有銀幕上的當紅電影明星都要楚楚動人，一幅架在鼻梁上的眼睛給我的感覺是知書達理勝于迂腐，我甚至愛屋及烏地認為她的學習成績一定不比她的外貌要差到哪兒去，因為我是那個她應(yīng)該感激的人，所以她主動跟我攀談了起來。

???????? “你英語真好，你叫什么名字？你是哪個系的？”她好奇地問道。

???????? “我…我…我…”我開始結(jié)巴起來，我該告訴她自己僅僅是一個職校的學生而已嗎？當然不，如果我說實話，她必定會瞧不起我，從此對我敬而遠之。

???????? “我叫米德，我是一個數(shù)學系的本科生，但是跟你不在同一所學校?！蔽译y得才有機會跟女生打交道，特別是一個熱情大方、有文化修養(yǎng)、長相甜美的女生，我不知道怎樣才能贏得她的好感，所以我在情急之中杜撰了自己的學習經(jīng)歷，考慮到自己身體發(fā)育成熟，同時滿腹經(jīng)綸，她一定不會懷疑我說的話。

???????? “你可以叫我漢娜，我是這所學校大二的本科生，很高興認識你！”她貽笑大方地說著。

???????? I didn’t want to take math as a means to please girls. But when Hannah was before me, I had an impulse to speak everything I know: geometry, algebra, calculus and topology. Even if it is not a boy wooing a girl, it is a loner finding his company, a negative pole finding its positive one. Without any reason, I believe Hannah is one of my own kind. She was far better than those vulgar people who constantly interrupt my narrative and jump to the conclusion that my viewpoint was odd and lunatic. I felt excited even if, having cut my insight and viewpoint to the bone, I could only use plain words to win her smile and agreement. As we had the same background, we chatted with each other without reserve that afternoon. She was satisfied with finding a math genius, I was glad that I was never a solitary star again. We spent some 4 hours exploring obscure math problems and our conversation touched on some new progress in the realm. Before parting, we exchanged phone number and had each other’s WeChat.

???????? 盡管我不想把數(shù)學當做泡妞的工具，但是當漢娜站在我跟前，我有一種想告訴她自己所知一切的沖動：幾何學、代數(shù)、微積分和拓撲學，即便這算不上是追女生，至少也算是一個孤僻的人找到了他的同僚，一個陰極找到了陽極。沒有任何緣故，我就是相信漢娜是我的同類，她至少比那些粗俗不堪、經(jīng)常打斷我講話并草率將我的見解定論為怪癖和神經(jīng)病的人要強多了，我感覺即便只能簡化自己的理論和見解、用通俗易懂的語言博得紅顏一笑、眼前這位美女的一個贊同自己就感到興奮無比。因為我們有相同的背景，所以那天下午我們之間無話不談，她興奮于發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個數(shù)學天才，我也為自己不再是一個孤獨星人感到快樂，我們花了整整四個多小時探討艱深晦澀的數(shù)學問題，過程中論及了數(shù)學領(lǐng)域的最新進展，臨別時互換了手機號并互加了微信。

? ? ? ? ?“Mom, I found a bosom friend for myself, she is an undergraduate in NJU majored in math! I spent a long afternoon talking with her.” It was the first thing I said when I entered my house.

???????? “That’s really good. So you can learn and communicate with each other.” Mom was glad at my social skills.

???????? “Her name is Hannah, she is more than any girl I met before.” I introduced my new friend to her, and blushed unconsciously with these words.

???????? “Meade, I’m not opposed to you making friends. You need to have a sense of propriety when you are with a girl. You are a brilliant boy, nevertheless you ought not to get into a relationship before you distinguish yourself.” Mom reminded me in earnest.

???????? “I know, I know, you have already drummed it into my head. You are not pleased with the fact that I get in touch with a girl!”I interrupted her impatiently, wondering why she could always read my mind.

???????? “All I tell you is for your own good. You will hurt if you turn a deaf ear to it.” To avoid making a scene with me, mom concluded the talk with these words.

???????? “媽媽，我找到了一個知己，她是南大數(shù)學系的本科生！整個下午我跟她相聊甚歡?！边@是我踏入家門后的第一句話。

???????? “那很好啊，這樣你們就可以互相學習、互相交流了?！眿寢尀槲业纳缃荒芰Ω械礁吲d。

???????? “她叫漢娜，比我見過的所有女孩都要強?！蔽覍⒆约旱男屡笥呀榻B給了她，說著說著臉就不自覺地紅了起來。

???????? “米德，我不反對你交朋友，但你在跟女生交往的時候必須得掌握好分寸。你很有才華，但是在你嶄露頭角之前可千萬別談對象?！眿寢屨Z重心長地告誡我。

???????? “我知道，我知道，你已經(jīng)跟我提過N多次了，你就是不想讓我跟異性有所接觸！”我不耐煩地打斷她，好奇她怎么總能看穿我的心思。

???????? “我說的這一切都是為你好，你若充耳不聞的話，受傷了可別來找我。”為了避免吵架，媽媽用這幾個字眼結(jié)束了談話。

???????? In the following days, We talked with each other everyday either on WeChat or over the phone. The topics were very broad: life, math, philosophy, music, education and future. Both of us had a feeling that it is regretful that our acquaintance didn’t come sooner. She had a need for me, because those tough problems constantly vexed her and I, smarter than she was, could always figure out them; I had a need for her, because she was always patient to comfort me whenever I confided in her the troubles in my life and made brag of me anytime when I explained my fresh ideas to her. She was more than the whole world to me and as time goes by, I found myself can’t do without her. Although my intention was to find a friend for myself, a person I could pour out my heart at the beginning, I found that I couldn’t resist her charisma as we spent time together. And then I began to struggle: shall I tell her that I was a vocational school boy? Would she turn a cold shoulder on me? Now that she had already recognized my strength, she was sure not to mind my ill-educated condition. Isn’t the?aim of a man to get a higher education is to attain some ability from teachers? After much deliberation, I made up my mind to tell her the truth. Anyway, I shall not kid a sincere friend and a future mate for life.

? ? ? ? ?在接下來的日子里，我們每天都通過微信和電話交談，話題十分廣泛：人生、數(shù)學、哲學、音樂、教育和未來，我們倆都有一種相見恨晚的感覺，她需要我，因為她時刻被那些棘手的難題所困擾，而比她聰明的我總可以為她排憂解難；我需要她，因為每當我向她吐露生活中的煩惱她都會不厭其煩地安慰我、我向她解釋自己新穎的觀點時她都會把我夸上天，她比全世界對我還重要。隨著時間的推移，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已經(jīng)離不開她了，雖然剛開始我僅僅是想交個朋友、找個能吐露心聲的人，但是我發(fā)現(xiàn)隨著相處的時間長了，我越來越難以抗拒她的魅力，之后我就開始糾結(jié)了：我應(yīng)該告訴她自己是個職校的學生嗎？她會對我冷眼相待嗎？既然她已經(jīng)認可了我的能力，她一定不會介意自己的低學歷，一個人接受高等教育的目的不就是為了從老師那里得到一些能力嗎？考慮再三以后，我還是覺得應(yīng)該告訴她真相，不管怎么說，我不應(yīng)該欺騙一個真誠的朋友和一個未來相伴終生的人。

???????? “Hannah, I’m going to tell you something, are you there?” My heart beat fast when I typed the message with my trembling fingers.

???????? “Yes, what are you going to say to me? Some new viewpoints? Your life philosophy? I’m all ears. I feel I have too much to learn from you.” From these words, I could feel she was in a good humor today, even if she was not sitting opposite me at the moment.

???????? “No, no, no, not all these things. I’m going to tell you a secret.” I was a bit timid, but attempted to be bold.

???????? “A secret? What is it about? You are an interesting man. Have you ever kept something from me?” She said curiously.

???????? “A secret about my background. Actually, I’m a vocational school student. Please be patient, I’m not that kind of person as you think, I’m not a slow one. As I don’t bother to spent time and effort on exams, I’m only able to get an inferior position in the current education system. You know I’m talented. I keep my mind on math study over the years. My ambition is to become a great mathematician.” I explained to her to the best of my ability, hoping she would not show antipathy towards me.

???????? “A vocational boy to be so good? You must be kidding! You are quite brilliant. You will become who you want to be!”

???????? “漢娜，你在嗎？我想跟你說一些事。”當我用自己顫抖的雙手打下這條信息的時候，我的心怦怦直跳。

???????? “在呢，你打算告訴我什么？你的新想法還是你的人生哲學？我洗耳恭聽啊！我感覺自己需要向你學習的地方太多太多了?！睆哪切┳盅凵衔夷芨杏X到她此刻心情不錯，即便她此時并不正襟危坐在我對面。

???????? “不，不，不，不是那些東西，我要跟你說一個秘密?！蔽矣行┠懬?，但卻壯著膽說道。

???????? “秘密？關(guān)于什么的？你這人真有趣，難不成你有什么事瞞著我嗎？”她好奇地說道。

???????? “是一個關(guān)于我教育背景的秘密，事實上，我只是個職校的學生，請耐心聽我講完，我并不是你想象的那種人，一個劣等生，因為我懶于花時間和精力去應(yīng)付考試，所以我只能在當前的教育體制內(nèi)占據(jù)一個拙劣的位置，你知道我有才華，這些年我把心思都放在研究數(shù)學上面，我的理想是成為一個了不起的數(shù)學家?！蔽冶M自己所能向她解釋道，希望不會引起她的反感。

???????? “一個職校學生能有這么厲害？你在開玩笑吧！你很有才華，你會成為自己理想中的那個人的！”

? ? ? ? ?Although my suspenseful heart finally found its peace at these words, which are encouraging and affirmative, I felt, maybe because I was too sensitive to have a sense of delight in the relationship with a girl, especially a girl I cared too much, she was not as passionate and cordial as before in the following conversation with me. Only after a few pleasantries we ended our conversation hastily. A kind of evil thought occurred to me: I was not good enough in her heart. My secret would soon be a rift between our relationship. No, no, no, it couldn’t be happened, I persuaded myself inwardly, she was well acquainted with my ability. Ability is the most important thing in the world, it is of no avail for a graduate if he is not talented. But in the meanwhile another voice sprang up in my mind: you are a low-grade student, she would never make up to you again! Thinking about this, I began to regret at my straightforwardness, should I nonetheless keep lying to her as ever?

???????? 盡管聽了這些鼓勵和肯定的話我一顆懸著的心總算落地了，但或許是因為自己過分敏感而無法在跟一個女生的關(guān)系中感受到快樂吧，特別是一個自己十分在意的女生，我感覺在接下來的談話中她對我不如以前那般熱情和親切了，彼此之間僅僅寒暄了幾句我們就結(jié)束了談話。一個不好的念頭在我腦海里閃現(xiàn)出來：我在她心目中不夠優(yōu)秀，我的秘密將會成為我們關(guān)系中間的一道裂痕，不，不，不，這怎么可能，我在內(nèi)心說服自己，她對我的能力了如指掌啊，能力就是這個世界上最重要的東西，一個研究生如果沒有能力能頂個卵用？可我心中同時也冒出另一個聲音：你只是個劣等生，她不會再像以前那般對你獻殷勤了！想到這些，我開始為自己的直率感到后悔，可是我總不能一直這么瞞著她吧？

???????? “Is vocational school student a piece of shit in your eyes?” I left a message to her, waited three days for reply but in vain. “Am I nothing to you any more?” I left the second message. She replied a few irrelevant words and a vacant icon, which implied a kind of half-heartedness. In the next few days, I had a sense that Hannah’s attitude to me got worse day by day, the frequency of our talk reduced from once a day to once every two days, every three days… finally reduced to once a week. She always made excuses to evade me: occupied with school works today, helped her parents with their housework tomorrow, had to take care of her grandpa the next day. I could stand up to any criticism from her, no matter how harsh the words she was about to throw at me, but I couldn’t bear her cold-heartedness or she treated me as an invisible man. Once when I passed through her university, I made up my mind to pay her a visit and have a heart-on-heart conversation with she. As she had mentioned to me which study hall she was often in, it was an easy job for me to find her. When I stood in the doorway, I peeped at her talking and laughing with a tall, thin, handsome boy through the window. Her cheerful looking and dancing eyebrows was in sharp contrast to her previous attitude to me. I wondered who was he, so I beat about the bush to ask one of her classmates about the boy. “You mean the boy sitting by Hannah? He is a graduate. They are glued together everyday, and most of us conjectured that they are in love.” The girl said to me carelessly. For an instant the information was a blot from the blue: Hannah had a boyfriend? She was intimate with a graduate? The reason she alienated me is because she had a graduate boyfriend with her? It turned out that I was less than a mediocre senior in her heart!?All of a sudden everything was crystal clear to me. Disgraceful tears welled out from my eyes and fell on the ground. I felt one more second there was a torture to me. So, without uttering?a word to my goddess I l fled the school and went back to my home as soon as I could.

? ? ? ? “是不是一個職校生在你眼里一文不值？”我給她留言，但是等了三天她都沒回復我?！拔覍δ銇碚f什么都不是了嗎？”我給她留了另一條信息，這次她回了幾句不相干的話和一個茫然的表情，其中明顯有搪塞和敷衍的意味。在接下來的幾天里，我覺察到漢娜對我的態(tài)度一天不如一天，我們聊天的頻率從每天一次縮減到兩天一次、三天一次，最后是每個禮拜一次，她總是找各種借口躲著我：今天忙于學校的功課，明天忙著幫父母做家務(wù)，后天要照顧外公，我能忍受她對我的任何苛責，就算她說的話再難聽我也能接受，我卻受不了她的冷漠、她拿我當空氣一樣。有一天我路過南大，決心順便造訪一下漢娜，并跟她開誠布公地談一次，因為她之前跟我提到過自己經(jīng)常出入的自習室，所以我輕而易舉就找到了她，我站在門口，透過窗戶窺見她正在跟一個瘦高個的英俊男生談笑風生，她眉開眼笑的表情和她之前對我的態(tài)度形成了鮮明的對比。我好奇他是誰，所以旁敲側(cè)擊地向她的一個同學打聽他?！澳阏f的是漢娜身邊坐著的那個男孩嗎？他是個研究生，他們整天黏在一起，我們大家都猜測他們是不是男女朋友?！蹦莻€女孩漫不經(jīng)心地說道。有那么一剎那我感覺到這個消息如晴天霹靂一般：漢娜有男朋友？她跟一個研究生保持著親密關(guān)系？她之所以疏遠我是因為她找了個研究生男朋友？原來我在她的心目中還不如一個資質(zhì)平庸的研究生學長！似乎突然間我就明白了一切，屈辱的淚水從我的眼中奪眶而出，一滴一滴滑落在地上，我感覺在那里多呆一秒鐘對我來說都是折磨，因此我沒等到跟自己的女神坦白說一句話就拔腿逃離了學校并折回自己家中。

????????I covered myself with quilt and burst into tears when I stepped over the threshold. I revealed everything to mom. Having no powers to be me and suffer on my behalf, all she could do was to soothe me ceaselessly with these words: “Distract yourself and forget that girl, you won’t worry about girls when you developed a good cause and distinguished yourself, all you need to do now is to keep your mind on your study.” I, too grievous to believe everything happened on me, would rather be convinced that it was a nightmare and I would wake up someday. I hated the reality, I hated the gap between Hannah and me, I was resentful of the current education system. Why is it necessary to be divided into university, vocational school and graduate school? Without it nothing can separate me from Hannah. Mom was right, I must convert my sorrow into strength and become powerful. I must do something bigger than I was now, make Hannah sorry and?wake up from her?wrong choice. Although I was too sad to eat and drink and the girl’s spirit haunted me for about a week, I pulled myself together at length and engross myself in mathematical study. In spite of the fact that Hannah is my first love and I couldn’t erase her from my mind, to me she was more of a motivator than a flirting sweetheart now. Every time when I was weak, lazy and depressed, “Hannah is looking down upon you” could always give me some strength and make me go a?little bit further. Since I was hurt by Hannah and disappointed in the relationship with her, I never involved myself with any girl, because having been poured a cold water, I had already had the awareness that there is no true love in this world, love, no matter how sincere it is, is always linked to money, position, prestige and qualification.

????????剛踏入門檻我就把頭蒙在被子里大哭了一場，我向媽媽吐露心聲，沒有超能力代替我傷心受罪的她也只能不停地安慰我：“別想這件事了，忘掉那個女孩吧，等你事業(yè)發(fā)展好了不愁找不著女孩?！蔽冶瘋^度而根本接受不了發(fā)生眼前發(fā)生的一切，我寧愿相信這是一場終將醒來的噩夢，我恨社會現(xiàn)實，我恨自己跟漢娜之間的差距，我恨當前的教育體制，為什么要分大學、職校和研究生院？若不是它，沒人能把我跟漢娜分開。媽媽說得對，我必須化悲憤為力量，把自己變得強大起來，我必須做的比現(xiàn)在更大，讓漢娜對她錯誤的選擇感到懊悔。盡管將近一個禮拜我因過于悲傷而吃不下飯喝不下水，那位女生的幽靈也成為縈繞在我心頭揮之不去的陰影，我最終還是振作了起來并一心扎在數(shù)學研究當中，雖然漢娜是我的初戀、我也無法在心里抹去她的痕跡是一個不爭的事實，可她如今對我來說更像是一個激勵者而不是與之纏綿悱惻的愛人，每當我懶散、軟弱和情緒低落的時候，“漢娜正在瞧不起我”總能給我一些力量并讓我向前走的更遠，自從我失戀并在這段感情中受了傷以后，我再也沒有接觸過任何女孩，因為被當面潑了一盆冷水以后的我已經(jīng)清醒地認識到，在這個世界上不會有真愛，再真摯的感情其中也必定會摻雜著金錢、地位、聲望和學歷。

? ? ? ? Having shut myself away from the world and immersed myself in academic research for some 20 years, I became the man I meant to be and was received into the mathematical world. As I worked out world problems and published my papers on international top journals, invitations from universities all over China came one after another. I made books, set up my own theory and became a dominant figure in the sphere. Although I was inferior in qualifications, I finally broke a new path and distinguished myself in the ability-stressed math world. Hannah, whom I kept at a distance of a million light years and lost?touch for 100 centuries, took initiative to send a congratulatory message to me. She was now a lecturer in an obscure college, her man was a nobody too. I would have ignored her, but I, unwilling to be considered too petty about it, responded her politely and let go of what she had done when she was in her school days. I gradually comprehended that the mental structure of femininity is different from men’s. Women are born to be followers and adherents of social norms. Their nature induces them to value status and money highly and to have a good opinion of men who either are qualified academically or achieved secular success. Scarcely anyone of them has an idea to change the current order. And this explained why most of world-changing scientists and artists are no other than men, while women with high IQs of all times are beyond count. Even if they are intelligent, they only apply their IQs to attain position, money, prestige, life skills, and most of all, a budget husband. Having been convinced by my reason that every woman has a defect, I was eventually reconciled with Hannah, became a friend of her husband and a regular visitor to her family.

????????在不問世事、埋頭鉆研學問將近20年以后，我終于成了自己想要成為的那個人，并得到了專業(yè)數(shù)學圈的認可，因為我解決了世界難題、我的論文在國際頂級刊物上發(fā)表，全國各大學的邀請函紛至迭來，我著書立說、成了學術(shù)圈舉足輕重的人物，盡管我在學歷上矮別人半截，我最終還是闖出了一條路并在憑真本事說話的數(shù)學領(lǐng)域斬露頭角了。被我甩開將近一百萬光年的距離、失聯(lián)近一百個世紀之久的漢娜也主動向我發(fā)來了賀電，她現(xiàn)在是一所名不見經(jīng)傳大學的講師，她老公也是一個籍籍無名的小輩，我本來不想搭理她，但是因為不想在這件事上被所有人指責為沒有氣量，因此還是禮貌地回復了她并且原諒了她學生時代的所作所為。我逐漸理解女人的心理構(gòu)造不同于男人，女人天生就是社會規(guī)范的遵守者和擁護者，天性致使她們將金錢和地位奉為至寶、她們天生就會對高學歷和世俗意義上的成功人士產(chǎn)生好感，只有她們中的極少數(shù)會想到去改變當前的社會秩序，這就解釋了為什么絕大多數(shù)改變世界的科學家和藝術(shù)家都清一色的是男性，即便在任何一個時代高智商的女性都如過江之鯽般之多，就算擁有高智商，她們也僅僅以此來獲得地位、金錢、聲望、生活技巧當然還有最重要的是，一個金龜婿。想通了每個女人都有缺陷以后的我最終跟漢娜達成了和解，跟她的丈夫成了朋友，并成了她們家的常客。

????????That is my story and my understanding of femininity.

????????這就是我的故事和我對女人的理解。

????????(This story is fictional. Any resemblance to actual individuals or events are coincidental.)

????????（本故事純屬虛構(gòu)，如有雷同純屬巧合）