今天推薦的演講者是：Susan David，發(fā)布于2017年的TED演講大會！

心理學家Susan分享了我們處理情緒的方式。在這個感動幽默的演講中，她傳播了一種獎勵積極性而不是情感真理的文化，并討論了情感敏捷的強大策略！

The gift and power of emotional courage

Susan DavidHello everyone, sawubona.?In South Africa, where I come from,“sawubona” is the word for “hello”.?

大家好,你們好！在我的家鄉(xiāng)南非，sawubona是祖魯語你好的意思。

There's a beautiful and powerful intention behind the word, because “sawubona” literally translated means “I see you and by seeing you, I bring?you into being.”

這個詞語蘊含著美好和力量，因為sawubona的字面意思就是：我看到你，而通過這個動作，我感受到了你的存在。

So beautiful, imagine being greeted like that. But whatdoes it take in the way we see ourselves? our thoughts, our emotions a our stories that help us to thrive in an increasingly complex and fraughtworld?

想象一下用這個詞語打招呼，多么美妙啊。但又是什么讓我們在自我發(fā)現(xiàn)的旅途中，發(fā)現(xiàn)我們的思維，我們的情感以及我們的故事，鼓舞著我們在日益復雜而充滿憂患的世界堅定前行？

This crucial question has been at the center of my life 's work. because how we deal with our inner world drives everything. Every aspect of how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead.?

探索這個問題的答案是我一直以來工作的重心，因為我們對待內心世界的方式?jīng)Q定了我們如何對待一切事物，包含很多方面：如我們如何去愛，我們如何為生，我們如何生兒育女以及我們如何帶領他人。

the conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative is rigid. and rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic. We need greater levels of emotional agility for true resilience and thriving.

關于情感的傳統(tǒng)的觀點，不管是好的還是壞的，不管是積極的還是消極的，都太死板，而在復雜的世界中，死板是有害的。我們需要在更深的層次靈活看待情感，以真正的適應世界，更好地成長。

My journey with this calling began not in the hallowed halls of the university, but in the messy, tender business of life. I grew up in the white suburbs of apartheid South Africa, a country and community committed to not seeing, to denial. It's denial that makes fifty years of racist legislation possible while people convince themselves that they are doing nothing wrong. And yet I first learned of the destructive power of denial at a personal level, before I understood what it was doing to the country of my birth.

我對情感的探索并不始于大學空曠的禮堂，而是我生活中那些雜亂而又觸動人的小事。在種族之間相互隔離的南非，我住在白人社區(qū)，這是一個傾向于視而不見的國家和社區(qū)，傾向于否定，這種否定讓種族歧視合法化持續(xù)了五十年。因為人們一直告訴自己他們沒有做錯什么，但是從我個人的角度，在我第一次意識到，否認事實的巨大破壞力之后，我才理解了，回避對一個國家，對于我有多大的傷害。

My father died on a Friday. He was forty two years old and I was fifteen. My mother was put me to go and say goodbye to my father before I went to school, so I put my backpack down and walked the passage that ran through to where the heart of our home my father lay dying of cancer. His eyes were closed, but he knew I was there. In his presence, I had always felt seen. I told him I loved him, said goodbye and headed off to my day. At School, I drifted from science mathematics to history to biology, as my father slipped from the world.

我父親是在某個周五過世，那時他42歲，我15歲。我媽媽悄悄和我說，上學之前，先和我爸爸道個別。于是我放下書包，走過通道，通道的末端躺著我們家庭的支柱，受癌癥折磨的我的爸爸。他閉著雙眼，但他知道我在那兒，我的存在總是能夠被他感受到。我告訴他我愛他，道別后，我開始了我的一天。在學校，我上了科學課、數(shù)學課、歷史課、生物課。與此同時，我的父親悄悄離開人世。

From may to July to September to November, I went about my usual smile, I didn't drop a single grade. When asked how I was doing, I would shrug and say: “okay”. I was praised for being strong. I was the master of being okay. But back home, we struggled-- my father hadn’t been able to keep his small business going during his illness, and my mother,alone, was grieving the love of her life trying to raise three children. and the creditors were knocking. We felt, as a family, financially and emotionally ravaged. and I began to spiral down, isolated, fast. I started to use food to numb my pain. Binging and perching, refusing to accept the full weight of my grief.

從五月到七月到九月到十一月，我?guī)е５男θ?，繼續(xù)著我的生活，我的成績一點也沒有退步。別人問我怎么樣，我總是聳聳肩說還行。別人都夸我很堅強，我很擅長表現(xiàn)得很好，但是回到家中，我們的生活很困難。我爸爸在生病的時候，小生意就沒能維持下去，而我媽媽獨自一人，一邊要承受喪夫之痛，一邊照顧三個孩子，一邊應對上門兒來的催債者。我們一家人，經(jīng)濟上和精神上都飽受折磨。我很快就變得低落，孤立起自己，我開始用食物麻木自己的痛苦，暴飲暴食，只因為不想接受我沉重的痛。

No one knew, and in a culture that values relentless positivity. I though that no one wanted to know. But one person did not buy into my story of triumph over greif.

沒人知道我痛苦，尤其在一個無情地鼓勵積極向上的文化里，我以為沒有人想知道，但有一個人 不同意我用表面的開心遮蓋內心的痛苦。

My eighth?grade English teacher fixed me with burning blue eyes as she handed out blank notebook.she said: “ write what you’re feeling. tell the truth. Write like nobody’s reading.” and just like that, i was invited to show up authentically to my grief and pain. It was a simple act but nothing short of a revolution for me. It was this revolution that started in this blank notebook 30 years ago that shaped my life’s work. The secret, silent correspondence with myself.Like gymnast, i started to move beyond the rigidity of denial into what i’ve now come to call emotional agility.

我的八年級英語老師給了我一本空白的筆記本，她炯炯有神的眼睛，解救了我。她說：寫下你的感受吧，告訴我真相，就當做沒人會讀這本日記。就這樣，他引導我真正地去展現(xiàn)自己的痛苦，這個簡單的小舉動，對我來說卻是巨大的影響。正是在30年前我得到的這本空白筆記本，帶來的變革，徹底改變了我一生。我心中的秘密，沉默的另一個自己，就像體操運動員一樣，我開始不再頑固地去否定，而是變的愈發(fā)的成為我所說的，“對情感更加敏感”。

Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility. We are young until we are not, we walked down on the street sixty until one day we realized that we are unseen. We nag our children and one day realize that there is silence where that child once was now making his or her way in the world.We are healthy until a diagnosis brings us to our needs. The only certainty is uncertainty, and yet we are not navigating this frailty successfully or sustainable.

生活的美其脆弱性是密不可分的。我們年輕著年輕著就老了，我們風姿綽約地走在街上，突然有一天就意識到，我們不再被關注了，我們一直對孩子嘮嘮叨叨，突然有一天，我們不再說了，因為曾經(jīng)的孩子，已經(jīng)能夠自己去闖天下了。我們一直很健康，突然有一天疾病診斷書就放在我們的面前，唯一能確定的就是不確定本身，但我們竟不能好好地，不斷地去直面人生的脆弱。

The world health organization tells us that depression is now the single leading cause of disability globally-- out?striping cancer, out?striping heart disease. At a time of greater complexity, unprecedented technological,political and economic change.We are seeing how people's tendency is more and more to lock down into rigid responses to their emotions. On the one hand, we might obsessively blood on our feelings. Getting stuck inside our heads, hooked on being right. or victimized by our news feed. On the other, we might bottle our emotions, pushing them aside, and permitting only those emotions deemed legitimate. ?

根據(jù)世界衛(wèi)生組織的數(shù)據(jù)，抑郁癥已經(jīng)成為全球最大的破壞因素，其威害超過癌癥，超過心臟病，而現(xiàn)在社會日益復雜，科技、政治和經(jīng)濟領域發(fā)生史無前例的變化。我們卻發(fā)現(xiàn)人們傾向于用麻痹情感來封鎖自己的內心，一方面我們過度沉浸在自己的情感里，內心的想法在腦中揮之不去，被“正確”的做法束縛，或被身邊的消息綁架；另一方面，我們藏起自己的感受，將他們置之不理，只允許自己有“正確”的情感。

In a survey I recently conducted with over seventy thousand people, I found that a third of us-- A third either judge ourselves for having so-called “ bad emotions,” like sadness,anger or even grief. Or actively try to push aside these feelings. We do this not only to ourselves, but also to people we love, like our children, we may inadvertently shame them out of emotions seen as negative. Jump to a solution, and failed to help them to see these emotions as inherently valuable.

在我最近進行的針對7萬受試者的研究中，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我們當中1/3的人，要么總認為自己有一些所謂的“壞情緒”，如憂、憤怒甚至是悲傷，要么主動的將自己的情緒置之不理。我們不僅對自己這樣做，也這樣對待我們所愛的人，如我們的孩子。我們可能會不經(jīng)意地因為孩子有負面情緒而批評他們，武斷下結論，而沒有幫助他們看到情緒有價值的一面。

Normal,natural emotions are now seen as good or bad. And being positive has become a new form of Moral correctness. People with cancer are automatically told to just stay positive. Women, to stop being so angry. And the list goes on. Its a tyranny. It's a tyranny of positivity. And it's cruel, unkind. And ineffective. And we do it to ourselves. And we do it to others. If there's one common feature of brooding, bottling, or false positivity, it's this: They are all rigid responses.

現(xiàn)在，正常自然的情緒，會被標上“好”與“壞”的標簽，永遠樂觀積極成了新的“道德正確?！蔽覀儾患偎妓鞯卣f癌癥病人應該振作起來，女人不要生氣，諸如此類，這完全是專制。這是對積極情緒的專制，太殘忍了，太不體貼了，也太無效了。我們依然這樣對自己，這樣對他人。如果說麻痹自我、封鎖內心以及強裝積極都有一個共同點，那就是它們（對情感的反應）太刻板。

And if there's a single lesson we can learn from the inevitable fall of apartheid, it is that rigid denial doesn't work. It's unsustainable. For individuals, for families, for societies, and as we watch the Ice caps melt. It is unsustainable for our planet.

如果我們要從種族隔離的崩塌中,學到什么的話,那就是,否定事實是行不通的,是無法維持的，對個人，家庭如此，對社會也是如此。就像透明天花板終會被打破一樣，這對地球來說是不可持續(xù)的。

Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed aside or ignored, they get stronger. Psychologists call this amplification like that delicious chocolate cake in the refrigerator. The more you try to ignore it. The greater its hold on you. You might think you're in control of unwanted emotions, when you ignore them, but in fact they control you. Internal pain always comes out. Always. and who pays the price? We do, our children, our colleagues, our communities. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-happiness. I like being happy, I'm a pretty happy person.

關于壓抑情緒的研究表明，當情緒被藏起來，置之不理時，情緒會不斷放大。心理學家把這稱作放大效應，就像放在冰箱里可口的巧克力，你越想忽視它，（笑）它顯得越誘人，你可能覺得通過忽視，你可以控制住你不想要的情緒，事實是，你被它控制了。內心的痛苦總會涌出來，永遠如此，誰來承受這代價？是我們，我們的孩子，我們同事，我們的社區(qū)。請別誤會，我不是反快樂主義者，我喜歡快樂的感覺，我是一個常常感到快樂的人。

But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity. We lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is. Not as we wish it to be. I've had hundreds of people tell me what they don't want to feel. They say things like, “I don't want to try because I don't want to feel disappointed”. Or “I just want this feeling to go away”. i understand .”I said to them. “But you have dead people's goals”.

但是，如果我們不去直面正常的情緒而強作積極，我們就沒有辦法面對，世界本身的樣子，而不是我們希望的世界的樣子。太多太多人，和我說他們不想要有一些感受了，例如：他們說“我不想嘗試，因為我討厭失望的感覺”，或者，“我只是想這種情緒快消失”。我告訴他們，我能理解，“但不想有情感不就是死人了嘛？”

Only dead People never get unwanted or inconvenience by their feelings. Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don't get to have a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place. Without stress and discomfort. Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life. So how do we begin to dismantle rigidity and embrace emotional agility?

只有死人，不會有不想要的，讓他們困擾的情緒。（笑）只有死人，永遠不會有壓力，不會心碎，不會因為失敗體驗失望的感覺。痛苦的情緒是我們生活的一部分，沒有壓力，沒有困擾，你沒辦法事業(yè)成功，組建家庭，或讓世界更好。困擾不適，是我們獲得有意義的人生必須付出的代價。那么，我們如何開始打破麻木的心墻，主動成為敏感察覺情緒的人呢？

As a young schoolgirl when I leaned into those blank pages. I started to do away with feelings of what I should be experiencing. And instead started to open my heart to what I did feel. Pain. And grief. And loss and regret.

那個年幼還在上學的我，翻開空白的筆記本，我開始摒棄那些感受，那些我“應該”體驗到的情感。相反，我開始敞開心扉，肯定我真切的內心感受，我感受到痛苦，悲傷，失去之痛，悔恨。

Research now shows that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions--even the messy, difficult ones-- is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true, authentic happiness. But Emotional agility is more than just an acceptance of emotions, we also know that accuracy matters, in my own research, I found that words are essential, we often use quick and easy labels to describe our feelings. “I’m stressed” is the most common one I hear.but there's a world of difference between stress and disappointment or stress, and that knowing dread of “I'm in the wrong career.”

研究表明，積極接受我們所有的情感，哪怕是混亂的，難以承受的情感，是產(chǎn)生有適應力，能不斷發(fā)展的，真實的快樂的基石。但是敏銳地察覺情感不只是接受情感，要知道準確理解情感也很重要。在我自己的研究中，我發(fā)現(xiàn)用詞很重要，我們常常太草率輕易地給我們的情感下定義，我聽得最多的話就是“我壓力好大”，但是，壓力和失望兩種感覺差了十萬八千里。壓力和“我入錯行了”的絕望，也完全不同。

When we label our emotions accurately, we are more able to discern the precise cause of our feelings, and what scientists call the readiness potential in our brain is activated, allowing us to take concrete steps. But not just any steps-- the right steps for us, because our emotions are data. our emotions contain flashing lights to things that we care about. We tend not to feel strong emotion,to Stuff that doesn't mean anything in our words. If you feel rage when you read the news, that rage is a signpost, perhaps that you value equity and fairness. And an opportunity to take active steps to shape your life in that direction. When we are open to the difficult emotions, we were able to generate responses that are values aligned.

只有我們正確地理解了我們的情感，我們才能準確的找到導致這種情緒的原因，并且科學家們所說的大腦中接受情緒的部分，也能激活，讓我們采取具體措施，但不是什么措施都是對的選擇。我們的情感就像數(shù)據(jù)，我們的情感會讓更加關注我們所關心的事物，我們傾向于產(chǎn)生不太強烈的情感，產(chǎn)生對世界來說意義不大的感情，所以如果你看到新聞會十分氣憤，也許你的怒火是一種暗示，說明你重視平等和公平，并且讓你有機會采取行動，使你的人生朝著這個方向前進。一旦我們用開放的態(tài)度對待難以承受的情緒，我們就能夠做出與價值觀一致的反應。

But there is an important caveat, emotions are data, they are not directives, we can show up to and mine our emotions for their values without needing to listen to them. Just like I can show up to my son in his frustration with his baby sister. But not endorse his idea that he gets to give her away to the first stranger he sees in a shopping mall.

但是有個重要的警告，情緒只是數(shù)據(jù)，并不是指令，我們可以感受自己的情緒，挖掘情感的價值，同時不被它所左右。就像我可以體貼我兒子的情感，接受他對小妹妹的沮喪之情，同時又不同意他，“我要把妹妹交給商場里，看到的第一個陌生人”這樣的想法。

We own our emotions, they don't own us. When we internalize the difference between how I feel in all my wisdom and what I do in a value-aligned action. We generate the pathway to our best selves via our emotions. So what does this look like in practice? When you feel a strong, tough emotion, don't race for emotional exits. Learn its contours, show up to the journal of your hearts. What is the emotion telling you. And try not to say “I am,” as in “I am angry” or “I'm sad.” when you say “I am” it makes you sound as if you are the emotion. Whereas you are you, and the emotion is a data source, instead, try to notice the feeling for what it is: “I'm noticing that I'm feeling sad” “I'm noticing that I'm feeling angry.” These are essential skills for us, our families, our communities. They’re also critical to the workplace.

是我們控制著情緒，不是情緒控制著我們。但我們在內心里分清楚，我們盡全力察覺的內心情感，以及我們與價值一致的行動的區(qū)別時，我們就通過情感，創(chuàng)造出了通向更好自我的道路，那實踐起來是怎么樣的？當你體會到難受又強有力的情緒時，不要急著尋找逃避情緒的出口，應該試著去了解它，指引通向內心的路。你的情緒想告訴你什么？不要說“我覺得”比如“我覺得很生氣”“我覺得很難過”，當你說“我覺得”時，你不知不覺就成了情緒本身，但其實你就是你，情緒只是一個數(shù)據(jù)源，你應該這樣來察覺描述情緒:“我發(fā)現(xiàn)我有難過的情緒”，“我發(fā)現(xiàn)我的心情很氣憤”，這些對于我們，對于家庭，對于社區(qū)都是重要的技巧，在工作場合用上它太重要了。

In my research, when I looked at what helps people to bring the best of themselves to work. I found a powerful key contributor: individualized consideration. When people are allowed to feel their emotional truth, engagement, creativity and innovation flourish in the organization. Diversity isn't just people, it's also what's inside people. Including diversity of emotion.

在我的研究中，我想知道人們要怎么樣才能有最好的狀態(tài)進行工作，我發(fā)現(xiàn)最有幫助的是:對個體的體貼，人們能夠感受到自己真正的情緒，參與情緒控制時，企業(yè)的創(chuàng)造力和創(chuàng)新能力得以充分涌流。我們不僅呼吁人們外部特征的多樣性，也需要內部特征的多樣性，這就包括情感多樣性。

The most agile, resilient individuals, teams, organizations, families, communities are built on an openness to the normal human emotions. It's this that allow us to say, “what is my motion telling me?” “which actual bring me towards my values?” “which will take me away from our values?”Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values connected steps.

最敏銳，適應性最強的個人，團隊和組織，家庭和社區(qū)都離不開對人類正常情感的開放態(tài)度。只有開放，我們才能問自己：“我的情緒想告訴我什么”，“采取什么行動才能符合我的價值？”“哪些行為背離我的價值？”敏銳地察覺情感是一種帶著好奇心，同情心對待情感的能力，尤其還需要我們有勇氣采取與價值一致的行動。

When I was little, I would wake up at night terrified by the idea of death. My father would comfort me with soft pets and kisses, but he would never lie. “We all die, Susie.” he would say. “It's normal to be scared.” He didn't try to invent a buffer between me and reality. It took me a while to understand the power of how he guide me through those nights. What he showed me is that courage is not an absence of fear. Courage is fear walking. Neither of us knew that in ten short years, he would be gone.

我小的時候，我會因為想到死亡半夜驚醒，我的父親會輕輕拍我，親吻我，安慰我。但他從不騙我，他說“蘇希，我們終有一天會死的，害怕也很正?！?，他并沒有用謊言緩沖我和現(xiàn)實的沖撞。我花了好長時間才明白，那些晚上他的引導的力量，他教會我，勇氣不是無所畏懼，而是帶著畏懼前行。沒人知道短短的十年后，父親就離我們而去了。

And the time for each of us is all too precious and all too brief. But when our moment comes to face our fragility, in that alternate time, it will ask us, “are you agile? Are you agile?”

對于我們每個人來說，和他在一起的時光太珍貴，又太短暫了。但當我們要面對，我們的脆弱的時候，在那最后的時刻，它會問我們：“你清楚自己的感受嗎？”“你清楚自己的感受嗎？”

Let the moment be an unreserved “yes”. A “yes” born of a lifelong correspondence with your own heart. And in seeing yourself. Because in seeing yourself, you are also able to see others too. The only sustainable way forward in a fragile, beautiful world.Sawubona, and thank you！

希望那一刻我們坦白地說“是的”，“是的”來自于你一生對自己真實情感的不離不棄，源于你看透了自己，因為當你看透了自己，你也能夠看透他人。這是在這樣脆弱的又美麗的世界走下去的唯一方法。謝謝你們