TED演講者：KC Davis / KC·戴維斯

演講標(biāo)題：How to do laundry when you're depressed / 抑郁了還怎么洗衣服

內(nèi)容概要：Ever had a hard time doing daily household tasks -- cooking, cleaning, laundry -- and felt like a terrible person for struggling in the first place? Therapist KC Davis is here to flip that negative internalized script with a simple yet perspective-shifting fact that may change your approach to life. Learn a gentler, more practical approach to mental health as Davis shares hard-won wisdom and helpful shortcuts on how to get by when you feel like you've barely got it together.

你有沒有經(jīng)歷過無力完成一些日常家務(wù)——做飯、搞衛(wèi)生、洗衣服，有沒有一下子覺得自己有困難，真是個(gè)太差勁的人了？心理治療師 KC·戴維斯（KC Davis）為我們扭轉(zhuǎn)了這種負(fù)面的內(nèi)心想法，給我們介紹了一個(gè)簡單但讓人豁然開朗的情況，可能會(huì)改變你的生活方式。來學(xué)一學(xué)關(guān)愛心理健康更溫柔、更實(shí)際的方式，戴維斯分享了這來之不易的心得，介紹了如何在你崩潰時(shí)堅(jiān)持下來的實(shí)用捷徑。

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【1】Shortly after I published my book, I got an email.

在我的書出版不久之后, 我收到了一封郵件。

【2】It said, "Your book was the only thing that saved me from suicide.

郵件寫道: “你的書是 讓我放棄自殺的唯一救星。

【3】You saved my life."

你救了我的命?！?/p>

【4】Now, for a book about how to clean, that's sort of odd, yeah?

一本教你如何搞衛(wèi)生的書, 很奇怪,對(duì)吧？

【5】But what if a new approach to cleaning could teach us a better approach to treating mental health?

但是,如果這種新的搞衛(wèi)生方式 可以讓我們學(xué)會(huì)一種 關(guān)愛心理健康的更佳方式呢？

【6】I'm not an interior designer or a lifestyle influencer.

我不是個(gè)室內(nèi)設(shè)計(jì)師 或者生活方式網(wǎng)紅。

【7】I'm just a therapist with ADHD.

我只是個(gè)治療多動(dòng)癥的醫(yī)師。

【8】And in February of 2020, I had my second baby.

2020 年 2 月, 我生下了第二個(gè)寶寶。

【9】Because with the first one, I had some postpartum anxiety and my husband had just taken a very demanding job that was going to keep him busy,

由于生第一個(gè)寶寶的時(shí)候, 我出現(xiàn)了一些產(chǎn)后焦慮, 而且當(dāng)時(shí)我先生 剛接下了一份很辛苦的工作, 讓他無暇顧及別的事,

【10】I developed a meticulous postpartum plan for myself.

于是我為自己 精心設(shè)計(jì)了一份產(chǎn)后計(jì)劃。

【11】My family would rotate in in shifts for the first 60 days.

我的家人們會(huì)在 前 60 天里輪流上崗。

【12】The cleaning crew would come once a month.

清潔人員每個(gè)月會(huì)來一次。

【13】The new moms group would drop off dinners.

新生媽媽小組會(huì)送來餐食。

【14】And my toddler would go to preschool.

我的大寶寶會(huì)去上學(xué)前班。

【15】I was so proud of this plan, and it ended before it even began.

我對(duì)這個(gè)計(jì)劃非常自豪, 但是還沒開始,計(jì)劃就夭折了。

【16】Because 2020 is when the COVID lockdowns happened and all of that support disappeared overnight.

因?yàn)?2020 年, 新冠隔離開始了, 這些援助一夜間化為泡影。

【17】In a blur, my days turned into breastfeeding difficulties, toddler meltdowns and depression.

我的日子稀里糊涂地充斥著 哺乳困難、 寶寶撒潑打滾, 還有我的抑郁。

【18】The dishes stayed in the sink for days.

沒洗的碗堆在水槽里好幾天。

【19】The laundry pile reached impressive heights.

沒洗的衣服堆成小山。

【20】And there was often not a path to walk from room to room.

經(jīng)常把房間之間堵得無路可走。

【21】And when I should have been catching up on sleep, I would lay in bed at night and think to myself, "I'm failing.

到該補(bǔ)覺的時(shí)候, 我會(huì)晚上躺在床上, 腦海里思考: “我太不合格了。

【22】Maybe I'm not capable of being a good mom to two kids."

也許我沒有能力 成為兩個(gè)孩子的好媽媽?！?/p>

【23】I decided to post a joke video on TikTok one day about my house-turned-disaster.

有一天我決定發(fā)一條 搞笑抖音視頻, 拍一拍我家一團(tuán)亂麻的景象。

【24】Some funny shots of my clutter and my dishes and my enchilada pan to a nice beat.

拍我家東一攤西一攤、 一池子碗 和平底鍋的搞笑片段, 配上酷炫的背景音樂。

【25】Sort of a laugh to keep from cry situation, surely.

拍點(diǎn)搞笑的免得眼淚流下來。

【26】And I got a comment.

然后有人給我留言。

【27】'"Lazy."

“懶鬼。”

【28】Yeah, that stung.

扎心。

【29】But I must be a glutton for punishment because I kept posting videos about my messy house.

但是我估計(jì)是覺得被罵很爽, 所以還一直在發(fā) 我雜亂房間的視頻。

【30】Video after video of all of the weird tips and tricks that I was using to try and get it back in order while managing my feelings of being overwhelmed.

在一個(gè)個(gè)視頻里, 我分享了奇怪小貼士和訣竅, 讓一切重回整潔, 也在幫助我自己不被壓垮。

【31】And I braced myself for more criticism.

我讓自己強(qiáng)大起來, 經(jīng)受得住更多的批評(píng)。

【32】But what happened was entirely different.

但是后來發(fā)生的 與我想象的截然不同。

【33】In the comment sections of my videos, hundreds of stories came rolling in.

在我視頻的評(píng)論區(qū)里, 上百個(gè)故事一擁而入。

【34】Stories like Amanda, who, after losing her baby in the second trimester, was standing frozen at her sink because she forgot how to wash dishes.

比如阿曼達(dá) （Amanda）的故事, 她在孕中期失去了她的寶寶, 面對(duì)水槽呆呆佇立, 因?yàn)樗嗽撛趺聪赐搿?/p>

【35】Stories like Lula, whose chronic health problems and depression made it difficult for her to brush her teeth.

比如盧拉（Lula）的故事, 她的慢性疾病和抑郁癥 讓她連刷牙都有困難。

【36】Story after story of people with depression, ADHD, autism, burnout, bereavement, all struggling with these daily tasks.

人們患有抑郁癥、多動(dòng)癥、 自閉癥、職業(yè)倦怠、喪親之痛, 他們都掙扎于完成這些日?，嵤?。

【37】And it might seem odd to some of you that someone could struggle with tasks that are so simple.

對(duì)一些人來說, 有人連這么簡單的事都做不到 真是太奇怪了。

【38】But are they simple?

但是,真的簡單嗎？

【39】Let's think about what really goes into something like laundry.

我們可以想一想 洗衣服有一些什么步驟。

【40】Everyone picture your laundry pile right now, OK?

大家來想象一堆臟衣服。

【41】How many clean clothes do you have left right now?

你還剩多少件干凈的衣服？

【42】Can you wash tomorrow, or must it be today?

明天洗可以嗎？ 還是今天必須要洗掉？

【43】Do you need to prioritize, presort pre-treat anything?

你需不需要排個(gè)序、理一理、 先特別處理一下哪件衣物？

【44】Did you grow up with anybody that taught you how to do that?

在你長大的過程中,有沒有人 教過你該怎么做？

【45】You're out of laundry detergent, if you work three jobs, when are you going to get to the store next?

家里沒洗衣液了, 但是你要打三份工, 那什么時(shí)候去店里買呢？

【46】If you get there, can you afford it?

你到了店里,買得起洗衣液嗎？

【47】And if you can, which one you choose?

買得起洗衣液,那買哪一款呢？

【48】And you get it all home, get in there, Now pick a setting. Which one? I don't know. Google it.

把洗衣液帶回家,站在洗衣機(jī)前, 得選一個(gè)模式。選哪個(gè)呢？ 不知道。百度一下。

【49】By the way, you have memory problems, so you'll remember that wash in about three days, when it's mildewed into the washer.

加上你記性不太好, 三天以后才想起來 洗了這鍋衣服, 衣服已經(jīng)在洗衣機(jī)里發(fā)霉了。

【50】It's OK, just re-wash it, and get it into the dryer.

沒關(guān)系,再洗一遍好了。 然后送入烘干機(jī)。

【51】You'll forget that too, and it'll wrinkle. Now dry it again.

你又忘了你去烘干了, 于是衣服起皺了。那再烘一遍。

【52】Now all you have to do is get it out and fold it.

然后你得把衣服拿出來,疊好。

【53】But also you have three small children.

但是你有三個(gè)年幼的孩子。

【54】And those three small children haven't given you a moment alone in quite some time.

三個(gè)年幼的孩子已經(jīng)讓你很久沒有獨(dú)處的時(shí)間了。

【55】When you finally get that moment, you have to decide, are you going to finish the laundry or eat a sandwich or take a nap?

等你終于有了獨(dú)處的時(shí)間, 你得決定 你是要把衣服洗完、 吃個(gè)三明治還是打個(gè)盹？

【56】Time's up, you didn't do any of it, you stared at the wall.

沒時(shí)間了,你啥也沒做, 你直勾勾盯著墻。

【57】You have decision fatigue because the burden of carrying a home all by yourself has burnt you out.

你已經(jīng)到了決策疲勞, 因?yàn)橐粋€(gè)人拉扯一個(gè)家的重?fù)?dān) 已經(jīng)讓你精疲力竭。

【58】You see, for some of you, all of the steps and the skills that go into care tasks run on autopilot.

對(duì)一些人來說, 這些家務(wù)的流程和技能 都能自然而然地完成。

【59】But for millions of people, the autopilot is broken.

但是有幾百萬人 根本做不到這種“自然而然”。

【60】And what's worse, what if you had to do all of that when your mom just died or your job just fired you or you're using every ounce of strength that you have to just not kill yourself today?

更糟糕的是,你有可能需要 在你母親剛剛?cè)ナ馈?剛剛被炒魷魚、 或者竭盡每一分力氣 不讓自己自殺的時(shí)候 完成這些任務(wù)。

【61】If you have access to therapy, it's unlikely your therapist will ever ask you about your laundry.

如果你有機(jī)會(huì)接受心理治療, 你的醫(yī)生也不太可能會(huì)問 你衣服洗得怎么樣。

【62】I've worked in mental health for about a decade.

我在心理健康領(lǐng)域 已經(jīng)從業(yè)大約十年。

【63】I've been in therapy even longer, and the only time I ever had a provider talk to me about things like cooking and cleaning and brushing my teeth was when I was in a psych hospital as a teenager.

我從事心理治療有更長的時(shí)間, 但是我唯一一次聽到 一位醫(yī)生提起 做飯、打掃衛(wèi)生、刷牙, 是在一家精神病院, 那時(shí)我還是個(gè)孩子。

【64】Yet here were hundreds of thousands of people in my comment sections telling me that these daily care tasks were a major pain point in their life.

但是仍有成千上萬的人 在我的評(píng)論區(qū)留言告訴我, 這些日常照料工作就是他們生活中 最大的痛點(diǎn)。

【65】And so I started to wonder, what if we started here?

所以我不禁想到, 我們就從這里開始如何？

【66】What if we started with these care tasks?

我們就從日常家務(wù)開始如何？

【67】Could making daily tasks easier improve mental health quicker?

讓日?，嵤伦兊酶唵?能不能更快地改善心理健康呢？

【68】In the two years that I've been posting and writing about the intersection of mental health and care tasks,

我在過去兩年里發(fā)表、撰寫 關(guān)于心理健康和照料工作的交集,

【69】I've come up with a philosophy that does just this.

由此想出了一個(gè) 可以做到這點(diǎn)的想法。

【70】And it all starts with one simple idea.

一切源自一個(gè)很簡單的點(diǎn)子。

【71】Cooking, cleaning, laundry, it doesn't make you a good person.

做飯、搞衛(wèi)生、洗衣服, 這些都不能讓你成為一個(gè)好人。

【72】Or a bad person.

或者壞人。

【73】Listen to me.

聽我說。

【74】Care tasks are morally neutral.

照料工作在道義上是中立的。

【75】Now, I know that if you've been watching Martha Stewart for decades - and scrolling the perfect Pinterest aesthetic every day, that it can feel like struggling with these tasks is a moral failure.

如果你看了好多年 瑪莎.斯圖爾特 每天刷一刷 Pinterest 上的美圖, 你會(huì)覺得如果自己在這些工作上 有困難就是道德敗壞。

【76】Like, it's because we're lazy or irresponsible or we're immature.

都是因?yàn)槲覀儜卸琛?不負(fù)責(zé)、不成熟。

【77】But having an organized closet doesn't make you a success.

但是,衣柜整潔 不代表你是成功人士。

【78】And living out of a pile of laundry on the floor doesn't make you a failure.

地上堆著一大堆臟衣服 也不代表你是個(gè)失敗者。

【79】You know where the shirt you want to wear is, it just ...

你知道你想穿的衣服在哪兒, 只是……

【80】It might take you a bit of sifting to find it.

只是你得挖掘一番把它找出來。

【81】The truth is, it's not about morality.

事實(shí)上這與道德無關(guān)。

【82】It's about functionality.

而是和實(shí)用性有關(guān)。

【83】Does your home work for you?

你家適合你的日常起居嗎？

【84】Not some hypothetical houseguest that is coming to inspect your closet.

而不是某個(gè)假想的客人 來細(xì)細(xì)檢查你的衣柜。

【85】I mentioned Amanda, who had lost her baby and forgot how to wash dishes.

我剛提到了阿曼達(dá), 她失去了寶寶, 忘記了如何洗碗。

【86】She told me that when her husband would go to work, she would lay on the floor next to the empty crib and say to herself, "What can I bring to my family if I can't even wash dishes?"

她說她先生去上班的時(shí)候, 她會(huì)躺在空空的嬰兒床邊的地上, 告訴自己: “如果我連碗都洗不了, 我還能為我的家?guī)硎裁茨?？?/p>

【87】But that changed when she began to see care tasks as morally neutral.

但是當(dāng)她把照料工作 與道德分開看待時(shí),

【88】All of the sudden, the dishes in the sink weren't representations of her failure as a wife, but instead she would look at the pile and think to herself, "What do I need to function tomorrow morning?"

一瞬間,水槽里的碗 不再代表她作為一名妻子的失敗, 她會(huì)看著這一大堆碗, 問問自己:“我明天早上 需要完成哪些任務(wù)？”

【89】And then pull two coffee cups out of the pile to wash.

然后從這堆臟碗里拿出 兩個(gè)咖啡杯,洗一洗。

【90】She had her coffee the next morning, and it was a little bit easier to get up off the floor.

第二天早上,她喝了杯咖啡, 已經(jīng)有點(diǎn)精神從地上爬起來了。

【91】When we liberate ourselves from the idea that we are a good person or a bad person with care tasks, we can stop thinking about the right way to do things.

如果我們將自己從由料理家務(wù)判斷 是個(gè)好人還是壞人的想法中 解放出來, 我們就能停止思考 做事的正確方式。

【92】About the way that things should be done, and instead start thinking about what we can do with our current barriers to improve our quality of life today.

停止思考該怎么做事, 而是去思考 在眼前的困難面前, 我們能做些什么, 讓我們眼下的生活質(zhì)量更高。

【93】And this is the fun part.

有趣的部分來了。

【94】Because you get to customize a life that works for you.

因?yàn)槟憧梢远ㄖ埔环N 適合你自己的生活。

【95】When Lula realized that her problems with brushing her teeth were not moral failings, she gained the confidence to speak to her dental hygienist, and together they came up with solutions that work around her barriers.

當(dāng)盧拉意識(shí)到她沒法刷牙的問題 并不是道德敗壞, 她就有了與洗牙師交流的自信, 一起想出克服困難的方法。

【96】She now relies on pre-pasted disposable toothbrushes that she keeps in her desk, floss she keeps in the living room and a no-rinse prescription toothpaste.

她現(xiàn)在會(huì)使用 帶牙膏的一次性牙刷, 放在桌子抽屜里, 在客廳放一些牙線 和不需要漱口的處方牙膏。

【97】Because by breaking down the component parts of a dental hygiene routine and ensuring that each step was accessible to her mental and physical needs, for the first time in a year, she's done every step in that routine for two weeks straight.

通過分解牙齒清潔的任務(wù), 確保每一步都可以 滿足她的心理和身體需求, 她在這一年里第一次 連續(xù)兩周完成了 牙齒清潔的每一步。

【98】She says that now that her teeth are clean, she's a little less stressed about tomorrow's problems.

她說,現(xiàn)在她的牙齒 清潔干凈了, 對(duì)于接下來的問題 就沒那么有壓力了。

【99】And this approach can work with any care task that you struggle with.

這個(gè)方法適用于每一項(xiàng) 你有困難的日常照料工作。

【100】Simply ask yourself, "What am I trying to achieve and how can I achieve it in my way?"

就這么問問自己: “我想做到什么？ 怎么用我自己的方式做到這點(diǎn)？”

【101】In a rare moment of folding clothes ...

我難得疊一下衣服……

【102】I looked down at the baby onesie that I was folding, and I thought to myself, "Why am I folding this?"

我看了看我正在疊的 寶寶連體衣, 對(duì)自己這么想到: “我干嘛疊這個(gè)?。俊?/p>

【103】Baby onesies don't really wrinkle.

寶寶連體衣不怎么會(huì)起皺。

【104】And even if they did, nobody cares if a baby's in a wrinkly onesie.

就算它會(huì)起皺,也無人在意 寶寶穿著一件皺巴巴的連體衣。

【105】Furthermore, I was probably going to change her four times before lunch.

而且說不定在午餐前 我還要給她換四次衣服。

【106】This doesn't need to be folded.

根本不需要疊啊。

【107】I said it out loud and literally braced myself for the laundry police?

我大聲說出了口, 讓自己振作起來, 面對(duì)洗衣服警察？

【108】I don't know.

不知道啊。

【109】There are rules to laundry.

洗衣服要守規(guī)矩。

【110】But for the first time, I stopped thinking about the way that laundry should be done.

但是這是我第一次 停止思考該怎么洗衣服。

【111】And instead, started thinking about how I could make laundry functional for me.

而是開始思考 如何讓洗衣服服務(wù)于我。

【112】And I looked down at the fleece pajamas and the underwear and the athletic shorts and the tank tops and realized almost none of my clothes actually needed to be folded.

我看了看毛絨睡衣、 內(nèi)褲、運(yùn)動(dòng)短褲、 背心, 發(fā)現(xiàn)幾乎沒有一件我的衣服 是需要被疊起來的。

【113】And I haven't folded any of it since.

從那以后我再也沒疊過這些衣服。

【114】I moved all of my family's clothes into one closet off the laundry room, and now I just toss things into organized bins unfolded.

我把家人的衣服都挪到了 洗衣房邊上的一個(gè)衣柜里, 然后就把衣服疊都不疊地 丟進(jìn)一個(gè)個(gè)筐里。

【115】My new motto is: "Good enough is perfect."

我的新座右銘是: “不錯(cuò)就是完美?！?/p>

【116】And everything worth doing is worth doing half-assed.

該做的事情隨便做做就得了。

【117】You have to give yourself permission to do a little.

你得允許自己 做一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)就足夠了。

【118】To do it with shortcuts.

巧妙地偷偷懶。

【119】To do it while breaking all of the rules.

不守規(guī)矩地亂做。

【120】And replace that inner voice that says, "I'm failing,"

不要再對(duì)自己說: “我做得不夠好”,

【121】with one that says, "I'm having a hard time right now.

而是說: “我現(xiàn)在遇到了點(diǎn)困難。

【122】And people who are having a hard time deserve compassion."

遇到困難的人值得別人同情。”

【123】If it's too hard to shower today, grab the baby wipes.

如果今天沒精力洗澡, 就拿寶寶濕巾擦一擦。

【124】It may not be the normal way to do it, but you deserve to be clean.

雖然這不是正常的做法, 但是你把自己弄干凈 沒有任何錯(cuò)。

【125】If it's too hard to cook dinner, get paper plates, heat up something frozen.

如果沒精力做飯, 那就拿個(gè)紙盤, 熱一熱速凍食品。

【126】You'll go back to cooking and washing another day, but the day is not today.

你可以改日再做飯洗碗, 但不是今天。

【127】And in the meantime, you deserve to eat.

但是眼下, 你就該填飽肚子。

【128】If you're too depressed to do your dishes, get a two-gallon Ziploc bag and keep it in your bedroom.

如果你很抑郁,不想洗碗, 那就拿個(gè)兩加侖的密封袋, 把它們?nèi)釉谂P室里。

【129】Because if you put a dirty plate into a two-gallon Ziploc bag and seal it, it will keep the bugs away.

因?yàn)槿绻惆雅K碗 扔進(jìn)兩加侖的密封袋再封起來, 就不會(huì)有蟲子了。

【130】And it'll be there for you when you're ready to go back to the kitchen.

等你想回到廚房的時(shí)候, 它們還是那樣。

【131】Because you deserve a sanitary environment even if you can't get out of bed.

就算你不想從床上爬起來, 你也配擁有一個(gè)衛(wèi)生的環(huán)境。

【132】I could share with you hundreds of other genius solutions that people have come up with once they embraced the idea that care tasks are morally neutral.

我有幾百個(gè)天才小妙招 可以與大家分享, 它們都來源于人們接受了 照料工作與道義無關(guān)的這一想法。

【133】In my experience, people will exhibit mind-blowing creativity when they are only taught how to speak compassionately to themselves.

根據(jù)我的經(jīng)驗(yàn),人們?cè)趯W(xué)會(huì) 如何與自己寬容地對(duì)話時(shí), 會(huì)爆發(fā)出驚人的創(chuàng)造力。

【134】So what if mental health treatment started here?

心理治療就從此處開始怎么樣？

【135】By shifting the idea of care tasks as these external measurements of your worthiness to just being morally-neutral tasks that you can customize to care for yourself.

不要再把料理家務(wù) 當(dāng)作衡量你價(jià)值的外界量尺, 而是把它看作與品行無關(guān)的任務(wù), 你可以自行決定該怎么做 給予自己關(guān)愛。

【136】Because if it's true that regardless of what you struggle with, you are worthy of a functional space, what else might you be worthy of?

因?yàn)槿绻麩o論 你在什么家務(wù)上有困難, 你都值得一個(gè)實(shí)用的空間, 你還值得擁有一些 什么別的東西呢？

【137】Thank you.

謝謝。