A HAPPY MAN 開心人

原作契訶夫 Translated by Constance Garnett 1886

THE passenger train is just starting from Bologoe, the junction on the Petersburg-Moscow line. In a second-class smoking compartment five passengers sit dozing, shrouded in the twilight of the carriage. They had just had a meal, and now, snugly ensconced in their seats, they are trying to go to sleep. Stillness.

由圣彼得堡南下莫斯科的火車剛從中轉站博洛戈耶發(fā)車。余暉照耀進一節(jié)二等車廂的吸煙隔間，五位昏昏欲睡的乘客沐浴在光線之中。這幾位剛吃過飯，這會兒正舒舒服服地坐在位子上準備睡覺。四下靜悄悄的。

The door opens and in there walks a tall, lanky figure straight as a poker, with a ginger-coloured hat and a smart overcoat, wonderfully suggestive of a journalist in Jules Verne or on the comic stage.

The figure stands still in the middle of the compartment for a long while, breathing heavily, screwing up his eyes and peering at the seats.

門開了，隔間門口站著一個又高又瘦的身影，來客腰桿筆直，一把姜黃色的胡子，身著一件瀟灑的長大衣，仿佛是從小說里走出來的人物。來客在車廂里站了許久，喘著粗氣目不轉睛地注視著每一位乘客。

“No, wrong again!” he mutters. “What the deuce! It’s positively revolting! No, the wrong one again!”

“錯了，又錯了！”他嘀咕道，“倒霉催的！點兒怎么這么背！這得找到什么時候！”

One of the passengers stares at the figure and utters a shout of joy:

有位乘客端詳了一下來者，驚呼道：

“Ivan Alexyevitch! what brings you here? Is it you?”

“老賴！是你嗎？你怎么來了？”

The poker-like gentleman starts, stares blankly at the passenger, and recognizing him claps his hands with delight.

來客嚇了一跳，茫然地打量著乘客，只見他面露喜色、猛一拍掌，顯然也認出了對方。

“Ha! Pyotr Petrovitch,” he says. “How many summers, how many winters! I didn’t know you were in this train.”

“喲！老裴！”他說道，“哎呀呀，多久沒見了！今兒巧了，沒想到在車上碰見?！?/p>

“How are you getting on?”

“家里都好嗎？”

“I am all right; the only thing is, my dear fellow, I’ve lost my compartment and I simply can’t find it. What an idiot I am! I ought to be thrashed!”

“都好，都好。唉，就是我今天，不瞞你說啊，我死活找不著我那個隔間在哪兒。唉！我蠢！我蠢！我這個大傻子！”

The poker-like gentleman sways a little unsteadily and sniggers.

賴先生有點沒站穩(wěn)，微微晃了一下，咧了咧嘴。

“Queer things do happen!” he continues. “I stepped out just after the second bell to get a glass of brandy. I got it, of course. Well, I thought, since it’s a long way to the next station, it would be as well to have a second glass. While I was thinking about it and drinking it the third bell rang.... I ran like mad and jumped into the first carriage. I am an idiot! I am the son of a hen!”

“你說這事鬧的！”他繼續(xù)道，“上一站我下車喝了杯酒。喝完之后，我心說反正發(fā)車還有段時間，再喝點也不礙事，就又要了一杯。酒還沒下肚，我就聽見發(fā)車鈴響了……我一路那個跑啊，最后還是兩腿一蹦蹦進車頭的。你說我這個人！我都想抽自己一巴掌！”

“But you seem in very good spirits,” observes Pyotr Petrovitch. “Come and sit down! There’s room and a welcome.”

“你今天心情不錯啊，”裴先生注意到，“別客氣，來坐會兒！地方有的是?！?/p>

“No, no.... I’m off to look for my carriage. Good-bye!”

“不了不了……我還得接著找呢。走了！”

“You’ll fall between the carriages in the dark if you don’t look out! Sit down, and when we get to a station you’ll find your own compartment. Sit down!”

“天都快黑了，你也不怕摸黑摔一跤！你就坐會兒吧，急什么，等下一站停車再找也不遲。快來！”

Ivan Alexyevitch heaves a sigh and irresolutely sits down facing Pyotr Petrovitch. He is visibly excited, and fidgets as though he were sitting on thorns.

賴先生嘆了口氣，勉為其難地坐到了裴先生對面。賴先生興奮得渾身哆嗦，仿佛屁股底下有針扎他似的。

“Where are you travelling to?” Pyotr Petrovitch enquires.

“你去哪兒??？”裴先生問道。

“I? Into space. There is such a turmoil in my head that I couldn’t tell where I am going myself. I go where fate takes me. Ha-ha! My dear fellow, have you ever seen a happy fool? No? Well, then, take a look at one. You behold the happiest of mortals! Yes! Don’t you see something from my face?”

“我去哪兒？嘿，你猜我去哪兒。不行，我太高興了，我都不知道自己去哪兒了，反正車開到哪兒就算哪兒吧。哈哈哈！我說老裴，你見過大傻子嗎？沒見過？好，你往這兒看，我樂得就跟個大傻子似的！你看我高興的！你看！能看出來吧？”

“Well, one can see you’re a bit... a tiny bit so-so.”

“我看你，是…是挺喜慶的?！?/p>

“I dare say I look awfully stupid just now. Ach! it’s a pity I haven’t a looking-glass, I should like to look at my counting-house. My dear fellow, I feel I am turning into an idiot, honour bright. Ha-ha! Would you believe it, I’m on my honeymoon. Am I not the son of a hen?”

“甭問，剛才那會兒我肯定連腦袋瓜都冒傻氣。哎呀！要是有面鏡子照照就好了，我真想看看自己是個什么模樣。老裴，我對天發(fā)誓，我是真樂傻了。哈哈哈！哎喲不行，再讓我笑會兒。我這是去度蜜月呢，你知道不？結果半路還鬧出這檔子事，你說我傻不傻？”

“You? Do you mean to say you are married?”

“嚯！你結婚了？”

?“To-day, my dear boy. We came away straight after the wedding.”

“今天剛結的，我的好老裴喲。我們一結婚就奔車站了。”

Congratulations and the usual questions follow. “Well, you are a fellow!” laughs Pyotr Petrovitch. “That’s why you are rigged out such a dandy.”

一連串的恭賀和客套隨之而來?！拔艺f呢！”裴先生笑道，“我說你怎么打扮得這么漂亮?！?/p>

“Yes, indeed.... To complete the illusion, I’ve even sprinkled myself with scent. I am over my ears in vanity! No care, no thought, nothing but a sensation of something or other... deuce knows what to call it... beatitude or something? I’ve never felt so grand in my life!”

“嘿嘿，那可不……我今兒還噴香水了呢。你聞聞，噴香！好嘛，我現在就跟駕云似的，忽忽悠悠連南北都分不清了，這就叫…人逢喜事精神爽…爽精神？反正高興就對了，我美啊，我太美啦！”（有必要注明一下，這里的“美”是“得意”和“心里美”的意思，而非“美麗”）

Ivan Alexyevitch shuts his eyes and waggles his head.

賴先生閉著眼搖頭晃腦。

?“I’m revoltingly happy,” he says. “Just think; in a minute I shall go to my compartment. There on the seat near the window is sitting a being who is, so to say, devoted to you with her whole being. A little blonde with a little nose... little fingers.... My little darling! My angel! My little poppet! Phylloxera of my soul! And her little foot! Good God! A little foot not like our beetle-crushers, but something miniature, fairylike, allegorical. I could pick it up and eat it, that little foot! Oh, but you don’t understand! You’re a materialist, of course, you begin analyzing at once, and one thing and another. You are cold-hearted bachelors, that’s what you are! When you get married you’ll think of me. ‘Where’s Ivan Alexyevitch now?’ you’ll say. Yes; so in a minute I’m going to my compartment. There she is waiting for me with impatience... in joyful anticipation of my appearance. She’ll have a smile to greet me. I sit down beside her and take her chin with my two fingers.

“你是想不到我有多高興。”他說道，“再過不一會兒我就找著隔間了。我媳婦指定就在窗邊坐著，好家伙，你是沒見過她！那小身段…小鼻子…小手…我的小心肝喲！我的心頭肉喂！離了她我簡直活不了了！還有她那小腳！你是不知道！嚯，那小腳丫！又巧又精致又漂亮又…哎喲喂，我跟你說，讓人一看見……我都，我都恨不得上去啃一口！那小腳丫！絕了！嗨，你是甭想聽明白了，你們打光棍的哪兒懂這個。等什么時候你結婚，那時你再想起我來，心說，老賴去哪兒了？我去哪兒了？我去找我媳婦去嘍！她等我都等急了……過會兒我一拉門，她肯定笑得跟花一樣。我就盼著坐她旁邊，好捏捏她的小臉蛋呢?！?/p>

Ivan Alexyevitch waggles his head and goes off into a chuckle of delight.

賴先生繼續(xù)晃著腦袋，嘴里樂出了聲。

“Then I lay my noddle on her shoulder and put my arm round her waist. Around all is silence, you know... poetic twilight. I could embrace the whole world at such a moment. Pyotr Petrovitch, allow me to embrace you!”

“倚著她的肩膀，摟著她的腰，啊…全世界都安靜了，就像在畫里一樣。抱著她我就好像抱著全世界！我的好老裴，咱倆也抱一個！”

“Delighted, I’m sure.” The two friends embrace while the passengers laugh in chorus. And the happy bridegroom continues:

“來來來?！敝灰姸吮г谝粔K兒，一旁的乘客都樂開了花。喜氣洋洋的新郎官繼續(xù)說道：

“And to complete the idiocy, or, as the novelists say, to complete the illusion, one goes to the refreshment-room and tosses off two or three glasses. And then something happens in your head and your heart, finer than you can read of in a fairy tale. I am a man of no importance, but I feel as though I were limitless: I embrace the whole world!”

“人一傻起來就得傻個徹底，或者說句文詞，既然做了美夢就要做個圓滿，所以喝幾杯肯定是少不了的。等喝完了酒，我心里那滋潤哪，神仙也比不了。我是算不上什么人物，可我打心眼里覺得自己能耐大發(fā)了，我連星星都摘得下來！”

The passengers, looking at the tipsy and blissful bridegroom, are infected by his cheerfulness and no longer feel sleepy. Instead of one listener, Ivan Alexyevitch has now an audience of five. He wriggles and splutters, gesticulates, and prattles on without ceasing. He laughs and they all laugh.

眼瞧著這位幸福的醉新郎，乘客們全都被他的昂揚所感染，之前的困倦一掃而空。賴先生現在又多了四位聽眾。他手舞足蹈，語無倫次，喋喋不休，說不完的連珠炮。大伙兒都跟著他笑。

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, don’t think so much! Damn all this analysis! If you want a drink, drink, no need to philosophize as to whether it’s bad for you or not.... Damn all this philosophy and psychology!”

“諸位！諸位！人生在世須行樂??！別想這想那的！酒這東西該喝喝，甭管它有壞處沒壞處……別活得那么累！”

The guard walks through the compartment.

列車員正巧路過隔間。

“My dear fellow,” the bridegroom addresses him, “when you pass through the carriage No. 209 look out for a lady in a grey hat with a white bird and tell her I’m here!”

“同志！”賴先生招呼道，“你到二零九車的時候留神找找我媳婦，她戴了頂灰帽子、上面還繡了只鳥，要是找著了麻煩告訴她我在這車！”

“Yes, sir. Only there isn’t a No. 209 in this train; there’s 219!”

“成。不過這趟車上沒有二零九車，只有二幺九?！?/p>

“Well, 219, then! It’s all the same. Tell that lady, then, that her husband is all right!”

“那就二幺九！都一樣?？傊愀嬖V她，就說她老公好好的！”

Ivan Alexyevitch suddenly clutches his head and groans:

賴先生突然一抱腦袋，感嘆起來：

“Husband.... Lady.... All in a minute! Husband.... Ha-ha! I am a puppy that needs thrashing, and here I am a husband! Ach, idiot! But think of her!... Yesterday she was a little girl, a midget... it’s simply incredible!”

“老公…媳婦…來的真快！哈！我也是做丈夫的了…我這么個毛頭小子一轉眼就成了家！嗨，這事哪兒說理去！她也是啊…昨天還是個沒出閣的小姑娘…真想不到，簡直跟做夢似的！”

“Nowadays it really seems strange to see a happy man,” observes one of the passengers; “one as soon expects to see a white elephant.”

“這年頭開心人比三腳貓還難找。”有位乘客議論道。（此處“三腳貓”為“新奇罕見的事物”，而非“技藝不精”）

“Yes, and whose fault is it?” says Ivan Alexyevitch, stretching his long legs and thrusting out his feet with their very pointed toes. “If you are not happy it’s your own fault! Yes, what else do you suppose it is? Man is the creator of his own happiness. If you want to be happy you will be, but you don’t want to be! You obstinately turn away from happiness.”

“那能怪誰？”賴先生一伸腿，抻了個大懶腰，說道，“不開心都是自找的！開不開心還能怨別人嗎？人要開心怎么著都能開心，不開心純粹是自己跟自己過不去。”

“Why, what next! How do you make that out?”

“這話說的！此話怎講呢？”

“Very simply. Nature has ordained that at a certain stage in his life man should love. When that time comes you should love like a house on fire, but you won’t heed the dictates of nature, you keep waiting for something. What’s more, it’s laid down by law that the normal man should enter upon matrimony. There’s no happiness without marriage. When the propitious moment has come, get married. There’s no use in shilly-shallying.... But you don’t get married, you keep waiting for something! Then the Scriptures tell us that ‘wine maketh glad the heart of man.’... If you feel happy and you want to feel better still, then go to the refreshment bar and have a drink. The great thing is not to be too clever, but to follow the beaten track! The beaten track is a grand thing!”

“這還用問。人這輩子總有段時間是要拿去愛的。等感覺來了，人就應該轟轟烈烈地去追求，而不是像你們這樣坐著干等，白瞎了這股熱乎勁兒。再有，法律上也說人應該結婚，不結婚（原譯作：“沒有婚姻”，修改后更自然）哪來的幸福呢。只要吉時已到，那就別不好意思了，趕緊成家。千萬不能老這么干等著，腦子里凈裝著別的盼頭！再者經書上又說‘美酒悅人心’，要是想喜上加喜，那必須得喝幾杯助助興。所以說人不能太聰明、太自以為是啊，一定要多走走老路！老路才是正理兒，你不服不行！”

“You say that man is the creator of his own happiness. How the devil is he the creator of it when a toothache or an ill-natured mother-in-law is enough to scatter his happiness to the winds? Everything depends on chance. If we had an accident at this moment you’d sing a different tune.”

“你既然說人要開心怎么樣都能開心，那我請問，為什么人得了牙疼、或者攤上個壞后媽就開心不起來了呢？所以說什么事都講究個命數。萬一這會兒翻車了，換了你也一樣高興不起來?！?/p>

“Stuff and nonsense!” retorts the bridegroom. “Railway accidents only happen once a year. I’m not afraid of an accident, for there is no reason for one. Accidents are exceptional! Confound them! I don’t want to talk of them! Oh, I believe we’re stopping at a station.”

“放屁！”賴新郎回嘴道，“火車這玩意一年才翻一回呢，我就不信偏偏能叫我遇上。哪有那么多萬一！幾輩子碰不上的事，提那沒用！嘿，我說，咱們是不是停車了?！?/p>

“Where are you going now?” asks Pyotr Petrovitch. “To Moscow or somewhere further south?

“你這是去哪兒？”裴先生問道，“去莫斯科還是再南邊？”

“Why, bless you! How could I go somewhere further south, when I’m on my way to the north?”

“啥？你腦子糊涂啦！我往北走去南邊干嘛？”

“But Moscow isn’t in the north.”

“莫斯科可是在南邊啊?！?/p>

“I know that, but we’re on our way to Petersburg,” says Ivan Alexyevitch.

“這誰不知道，咱這趟車不是往北去圣彼得堡的嗎?！辟囅壬f道。

“We are going to Moscow, mercy on us!”

“不騙你，這趟車就是去莫斯科的！”

“To Moscow? What do you mean?” says the bridegroom in amazement.

“莫斯科？不可能啊！”新郎官詫異道。

“It’s queer.... For what station did you take your ticket?”

“不對勁…你買的是去哪兒的票？”

“For Petersburg.”

“去圣彼得堡的?！?/p>

“In that case I congratulate you. You’ve got into the wrong train.”

“這，恭喜你，你坐錯車了。”

There follows a minute of silence. The bridegroom gets up and looks blankly round the company.

眾人啞口無聲。新郎官站了起來，困惑地掃視著四周。

“Yes, yes,” Pyotr Petrovitch explains. “You must have jumped into the wrong train at Bologoe.... After your glass of brandy you succeeded in getting into the down-train.”

“我知道了，我知道了，”裴先生解釋道，“你肯定是在博洛戈耶倒車的時候上錯車了……你八成是喝多了一不留神上了南下的車?！?/p>

Ivan Alexyevitch turns pale, clutches his head, and begins pacing rapidly about the carriage.

賴先生的臉白了，他撓著頭，在車廂里飛快地走著。

“Ach, idiot that I am!” he says in indignation. “Scoundrel! The devil devour me! Whatever am I to do now? Why, my wife is in that train! She’s there all alone, expecting me, consumed by anxiety. Ach, I’m a motley fool!”

“我是頭豬??！”他暴怒道，“白癡！蠢材！我怎么能笨到這個份上！壞了！這可怎么辦？我，我媳婦還在那趟車上等我呢！我丟下她一個人她不得急死！”

The bridegroom falls on the seat and writhes as though someone had trodden on his corns.

新郎官跌坐在座位上，頹喪得仿佛有幾畝苞米地被人踩壞了似的。

“I am un-unhappy man!” he moans. “What am I to do, what am I to do?”

“我難過??！”他悲哀道，“蒼天哪！這叫我怎么辦哪！”

“There, there!” the passengers try to console him. “It’s all right.... You must telegraph to your wife and try to change into the Petersburg express. In that way you’ll overtake her.”

“別哭，別哭！”乘客們好言相勸道，“沒事，你趕緊給你媳婦拍個電報，再想辦法坐特快去圣彼得堡就行了。到時候你們準能見著?！?/p>

“The Petersburg express!” weeps the bridegroom, the creator of his own happiness. “And how am I to get a ticket for the Petersburg express? All my money is with my wife.”

“什么特快！”這位想開心怎么都能開心的新郎官嗚嗚哭道，“錢都在我媳婦那兒我拿頭買票去！”

The passengers, laughing and whispering together, make a collection and furnish the happy man with funds.

乘客們笑成了一團，在一起小聲商量著，終于替他湊足了盤纏，好讓這位開心人換車上路。