TED演講者：Dan Harris / 丹·哈里斯

演講標(biāo)題：The benefits of not being a jerk to yourself / 不那么混蛋地對(duì)自己，有什么好處

內(nèi)容概要：After more than two decades as an anchor for ABC News, an on-air panic attack sent Dan Harris's life in a new direction: he became a dedicated meditator and, to some, even a guru. But then an anonymous survey of his family, friends and colleagues turned up some brutal feedback -- he was still kind of a jerk. In a wise, funny talk, he shares his years-long quest to improve his relationships with everyone (starting with himself) and explains the science behind loving-kindness meditation, and how it can boost your resiliency, quiet your inner critic and simply make you more pleasant to be around.

丹·哈里斯（Dan Harris）在 ABC 新聞?chuàng)瘟顺^(guò) 20 年的主持人，一次直播時(shí)的焦慮癥發(fā)作給他指引了新方向：他成為了一名專(zhuān)業(yè)冥想者，甚至成為了大師。但是一場(chǎng)來(lái)自他家人、朋友、同事的匿名調(diào)查給了他直白又沉重的一擊——他還是個(gè)混蛋。哈里斯通過(guò)這場(chǎng)智慧、有趣的演講，分享了他多年以來(lái)試圖改善人際關(guān)系（從自己開(kāi)始）的努力，解釋了慈愛(ài)冥想背后的科學(xué)原理，它將如何增強(qiáng)你的適應(yīng)能力，安撫你內(nèi)心的挑剔和不滿(mǎn)，讓你成為一個(gè)更好相處的人。

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【1】A few years ago, I signed up for something called a 360 review.

幾年前,我報(bào)名參加了 一場(chǎng)“360 度評(píng)估”。

【2】(Laughter) If you've ever worked in the corporate world, you probably have heard of this diabolical exercise.

（笑聲） 如果你在業(yè)界工作過(guò), 就應(yīng)該聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)這種變態(tài)活動(dòng)。

【3】(Laughter) It’s an anonymous survey with your bosses, peers and direct reports, and the idea is to get a panoramic sense of your strengths and weaknesses.

（笑聲） 這是一種讓你的老板、同事和 直屬上司參與的匿名調(diào)查問(wèn)卷, 為了全面了解你的強(qiáng)項(xiàng)和弱項(xiàng)。

【4】I opted for the colonoscopy version of a 360 review.

我報(bào)名的是 360 度評(píng)估的 “腸鏡”版本。

【5】(Laughter) Which included my wife, my brother and two of my meditation teachers.

（笑聲） 包括了我的太太、兄弟 和兩個(gè)冥想老師。

【6】In all, 16 people gave hour-long confidential interviews, and I was then handed a 39-page report brimming with blind quotes.

總計(jì) 16 人參與了為期 一小時(shí)的保密采訪, 然后我收到了一份 39 頁(yè)長(zhǎng)的 報(bào)告,充滿(mǎn)了匿名留言。

【7】I can tell you're looking forward to hearing the results.

我看得出你們很想聽(tīng)聽(tīng)結(jié)果。

【8】Sadists.

真是抖s。

【9】(Laughter) But I'm going to make you wait a second, because I should give you a little background on me.

（笑聲） 但是你們得等一會(huì)兒, 因?yàn)槲乙晕⒔榻B一下我自己。

【10】I used to be an anchorman.

我以前是一名主持人。

【11】I worked at ABC News for 21 years.

我在 ABC 新聞工作了 21 年。

【12】It was a very stressful job.

壓力非常大。

【13】In fact, I had a panic attack live on the air in 2004 while delivering some otherwise mundane headlines.

2004 年,我在直播時(shí) 急性焦慮癥發(fā)作, 當(dāng)時(shí)我正在播報(bào)一些日常新聞。

【14】The good news is that my nationally televised freakout ultimately led me to meditation, which I had actually long rejected as ridiculous.

好消息是這次 全國(guó)直播的驚恐表現(xiàn) 最終把我指引上了冥想之路, 此前我一直認(rèn)為 冥想太離譜了。

【15】I was raised by a pair of atheist scientists.

我的父母都是無(wú)神論者。

【16】I'm a fidgety, skeptical guy.

我是一個(gè)焦躁多疑的人。

【17】And that kind of led me to unfairly lump meditation in with aura readings, vision boards and dolphin healing.

所以我一直帶有偏見(jiàn)地認(rèn)為冥想 就是氣場(chǎng)解讀、愿景板、 海豚治療之類(lèi)的東西。

【18】But the practice really helped me with my anxiety and depression.

但是冥想確實(shí)幫助我 緩解了焦慮和抑郁。

【19】And so my goal became to make meditation attractive to my fellow skeptics by ditching the New Age cliches and liberally using the f-word.

因此,我的目標(biāo)變成了 從不再使用流行語(yǔ) 和“*你媽”開(kāi)始。

【20】(Laughter) To my great surprise, this unorthodox approach turned me into a quasi self-help guru.

（笑聲） 令我驚奇的是, 這種非主流的方法 讓我成為了一個(gè)準(zhǔn)自救大師。

【21】And a few years into this trip, I decided that I wanted to get a sense of whether my inner work was having outer results, you know?

冥想了幾年以后, 我決定要搞明白 我的內(nèi)在改變有沒(méi)有 產(chǎn)生什么外在成果。

【22】Was meditation making me a nicer person?

冥想有沒(méi)有 讓我變成一個(gè)更好的人？

【23】And that's why I signed up for the 360.

所以我報(bào)名參加了 360 度評(píng)估。

【24】And now I will tell you about the results.

我現(xiàn)在可以告訴你們結(jié)果了。

【25】The first 13 pages were dedicated to my sterling qualities.

前 13 頁(yè)贊美了我的優(yōu)秀品質(zhì)。

【26】People talked about how hardworking and intelligent I was.

人們說(shuō)我很努力,很聰明。

【27】Many also said meditation had made me more caring.

也有很多人說(shuō)冥想 讓我更善解人意了。

【28】But then came 26 pages of beatdown.

緊接著就是 26 頁(yè)的潑冷水。

【29】(Laughter) The first blow was that some reviewers noted that I had a penchant for being rude to junior staffers, which was deeply embarrassing.

（笑聲） 第一擊就是有的反饋者說(shuō) 我總是對(duì)初級(jí)職員很粗暴, 我覺(jué)得太丟人了。

【30】But it only got worse.

但是剩下的更不堪入目。

【31】I was called emotionally guarded, a diva and an authoritarian.

有人說(shuō)我防備心重、 性情暴戾、獨(dú)裁主義。

【32】(Quiet laughter) I don't know why that's funny.

（小聲笑聲） 有啥好笑的。

【33】(Laughter) Some people even questioned my motives for promoting meditation.

（笑聲） 甚至有些人質(zhì)疑我 推廣冥想的動(dòng)機(jī)。

【34】It got so bad that at one point my wife, who was reading it with me, got up and went to the bathroom and cried.

鋪天蓋地的質(zhì)疑讓我太太 在和我一起看這些評(píng)論的時(shí)候, 起身走去洗手間哭泣。

【35】I think for me the most painful part was realizing that the aspects of my personality that I was most ashamed of and had really tried to hide were in fact on full display for everybody.

對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)最痛苦的一點(diǎn)是 我最為之羞恥、最想隱藏的 一部分性格特質(zhì) 其實(shí)對(duì)所有人昭然若揭。

【36】And those included my two most prominent and problematic demons: anger and self-centeredness.

包括我性格中最顯著、 最?lèi)毫拥膬蓚€(gè)惡魔: 憤怒和以自我為中心。

【37】(Clears throat) Sorry. I've never talked about this publicly before.

（清嗓子） 不好意思,我之前從沒(méi) 在大庭廣眾下說(shuō)過(guò)這個(gè)。

【38】(Applause) Thank you.

（掌聲） 謝謝。

【39】I thought we weren't supposed to applaud authoritarians here at TED.

我還以為 TED 的觀眾 不會(huì)給獨(dú)裁者鼓掌呢。

【40】(Laughter) Bottom line, meditation had helped, for sure, but I clearly retained the capacity to be a schmuck, and I am not alone in this.

（笑聲） 至少有一點(diǎn), 冥想確實(shí)有作用, 我這么說(shuō)絕對(duì)不代表我是個(gè)傻子, 我也不是唯一一個(gè) 有這種感覺(jué)的人。

【41】All kinds of bad behavior have been on the rise.

各種惡習(xí)都在消失。

【42】Reckless driving, unruly airline passengers, violent crime, online bullying, workplace incivility, tribal antagonism, even general self-centeredness.

亂開(kāi)車(chē)、 暴躁的乘機(jī)旅客、暴力犯罪、 網(wǎng)暴、職場(chǎng)不文明行為、 族群敵對(duì), 甚至是常見(jiàn)的自我中心。

【43】At times, it can really feel like our social fabric is unraveling.

有時(shí)我們真的可以感覺(jué)到 社會(huì)關(guān)系正在緩和。

【44】So after my 360, I decided to do some work on myself and to see if I could also learn some things that, by extension, might help the species.

在我的 360 度評(píng)估之后, 我決定改變自己, 看看能不能通過(guò)學(xué)習(xí)一些東西 惠及全人類(lèi)。

【45】I pulled every lever at my disposal.

我竭盡所能大展拳腳,

【46】I did psychotherapy, communications coaching, bias training, couples counseling and more.

從事了心理治療、 交流指導(dǎo)、偏見(jiàn)訓(xùn)練、 婚姻調(diào)解等等工作。

【47】And while I was really grateful to be able to do all of this stuff and all of it helped, I was still finding myself too often getting selfish or snippy.

雖然我非常感激 可以做這些工作, 這些工作也確實(shí)讓人們受益, 但是我還是感覺(jué)自己 總是會(huì)很自私或者暴躁。

【48】So I signed up for a nine-day silent retreat where I would practice a kind of meditation that has been shown to boost your capacity for warmth.

所以我報(bào)名參加了一個(gè) 為期 9 日的靜修營(yíng), 于此我操練了一種冥想方式, 可以增強(qiáng)你內(nèi)心的溫暖,

【49】It’s called “l(fā)oving-kindness,” which, as you might imagine, sounded to me like Valentine's Day with a gun to my head.

名為“慈愛(ài)”,你可以想象出 對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō),聽(tīng)起來(lái)就像 在情人節(jié)拿槍指著我的腦袋。

【50】(Laughter) But I was in it to win it. I really wanted to be a nicer person.

（笑聲） 但是我勢(shì)在必行。 我真的想成為一個(gè)更好的人。

【51】I kept getting tripped up though, because the woman who was running the retreat, my teacher, her name is Spring Washam, she kept insisting that if I wanted to be less of a jerk to other people,

雖然一路磕磕絆絆, 因?yàn)殪o修營(yíng)的營(yíng)長(zhǎng),我的老師 斯普林·瓦沙姆（Spring Washam） 堅(jiān)持說(shuō),如果我想 在其他人眼里顯得不那么混蛋,

【52】I needed to start by being less of a jerk to myself, which I thought was the kind of thing you hear from Instagram influencers and spin instructors, so --

我就先得不那么混蛋地對(duì)自己, 我覺(jué)得這就是 網(wǎng)紅和健身教練會(huì)和你說(shuō)的話(huà), 所以……

【53】(Laughter) And she even went so far as to suggest that when I saw my demons emerging in meditation, I should put my hand on my heart and say to myself, "It's OK, sweetie. I'm here for you."

（笑聲） 她甚至還和我建議 如果在冥想過(guò)程中看到了惡魔, 我該把手放在胸口,對(duì)自己說(shuō): “沒(méi)事的,寶寶。我會(huì)陪著你。”

【54】(Laughter) Hard pass.

（笑聲） 沒(méi)門(mén)兒。

【55】(Laughter) Pasadena. I was not going to do that.

（笑聲） 絕對(duì)不行。我才不要這么做。

【56】But over the ensuing days of nonstop meditation, I did notice that my twin demons were in full effect.

但是在接下來(lái)幾天 不間斷的冥想中, 我確實(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)我的兩個(gè)惡魔 在上躥下跳。

【57】My anger had me rehearsing glorious, expletive-filled speeches I would deliver to my boss about the various promotions I deserved.

我的憤怒讓我 用華麗又臟話(huà)連篇的辭藻 向我的老板要求應(yīng)得的晉升。

【58】My self-centeredness had me writing my own five-star Amazon reviews for my various books, praising my elegant prose and rugged good looks.

我的自我中心使我為自己寫(xiě)的書(shū) 在亞馬遜網(wǎng)站留下五星好評(píng), 贊美我的優(yōu)美行文和 豪放文風(fēng)。

【59】(Laughter) And in the face of all of this roostering and rage, I layered on an avalanche of self-criticism.

（笑聲） 這種自吹自擂和暴躁易怒的行為 引發(fā)了我自我批評(píng)的狂潮。

【60】I told myself a whole story about how I was an incurably self-obsessed, cranky monster who had cloven hooves and a retractable jaw.

我給自己展現(xiàn)了 我是一個(gè)多么 無(wú)可救藥的暴躁自戀狂, 和面目猙獰的惡魔一樣。

【61】After about five or six days of drinking from this fire hose, I caved.

接受了五六天的瘋狂灌輸后, 我妥協(xié)了。

【62】Mid-meditation, I put my hand on my heart, and while I definitely was not going to call myself "sweetie,"

冥想中途,我把手放在胸口, 我肯定不會(huì)叫自己“寶寶”,

【63】I did silently say to myself, "It's all good, dude, I know this sucks, but I've got you."

但是我悄悄地對(duì)自己說(shuō): “沒(méi)問(wèn)題的,兄弟。我知道 感覺(jué)不太好,但是我會(huì)支持你?！?/p>

【64】This was very strange and embarrassing, but in this moment, I had an epiphany.

這太奇怪,太羞恥了, 但是此時(shí)此刻,我悟了。

【65】I realized that my demons were actually just ancient, fear-based neurotic programs, probably injected into me by the culture, by my parents.

我發(fā)現(xiàn)我的惡魔其實(shí)是 從小由恐懼而起的“神經(jīng)病”, 也許是文化、父母灌輸給我的。

【66】And they were trying to help me.

這些惡魔是想幫我。

【67】It was the organism trying to protect itself.

它們有自衛(wèi)機(jī)制。

【68】And when I stopped fighting them, they calmed down for a few seconds.

如果我放棄反抗它們了, 它們就會(huì)消停一會(huì)兒。

【69】I didn't have to slay them.

我不需要征服它們。

【70】I just had to give them a high five.

我只需要勇敢接受它們。

【71】And this counterintuitive extension of warmth was not, I realized, it was not indulgent.

我發(fā)現(xiàn)這種生長(zhǎng)出來(lái)的 違反直覺(jué)的溫暖的感覺(jué) 并不是肆意蔓延的。

【72】It was radical disarmament.

這是一種讓人徹底 卸下防備的方式。

【73】Here's the way I think about this.

我是這么想的。

【74】At any given moment, we humans have two choices or two spirals that are available to us.

在某個(gè)特定的時(shí)刻, 我們?nèi)祟?lèi)面前有兩個(gè)選擇, 或者說(shuō)是兩種旋渦。

【75】The first is what my friend Evelyn Tribole calls the toilet vortex.

第一種,我的朋友伊芙琳·特里波 （Evelyn Tribole）稱(chēng)之為“馬桶旋渦”。

【76】The reason why this looks childish and ridiculous is that I drew it myself.

這張圖看起來(lái)有點(diǎn)幼稚搞笑 是因?yàn)檫@是我自己畫(huà)的。

【77】(Laughter) It's OK, sweetie. You're good at so many other things.

（笑聲） 沒(méi)事的,寶寶。 你還擅長(zhǎng)做很多別的事。

【78】(Laughter)

（笑聲）

【79】(Applause) I probably shouldn't make fun of the thing I'm going to try to get you to do, but ...

（掌聲） 我不應(yīng)該調(diào)侃 我想讓你們做的事,但是……

【80】The toilet vortex might start like this.

馬桶旋渦開(kāi)始會(huì)是這樣。

【81】You're picking on yourself because you don't like the way you look in the mirror.

你會(huì)對(duì)自己挑三揀四, 因?yàn)槟悴幌矚g鏡中的自己。

【82】You're unhappy with your level of productivity or you have failed to achieve ketosis, whatever.

你對(duì)自己的生產(chǎn)力不滿(mǎn)意, 你沒(méi)達(dá)成生酮減肥目標(biāo)等等。

【83】And then you take that out on other people and then you are feeling more miserable, and then down you go.

然后再加之于他人, 就會(huì)感覺(jué)更糟糕, 于是進(jìn)入了旋渦。

【84】The vastly superior alternative is what I call the cheesy upward spiral.

有一個(gè)好得多的情況, 我稱(chēng)之為“油膩”上升旋渦。

【85】This one was drawn by a professional.

這張可是由專(zhuān)業(yè)人士繪制的。

【86】(Laughter) As your inner weather gets balmier, because you've learned how to high-five your demons, that shows up in your relationships with other people.

（笑聲） 你的內(nèi)心感到更加平和之時(shí), 這是由于你學(xué)會(huì)了如何 接受你的惡魔, 也會(huì)體現(xiàn)在與他人的關(guān)系之中。

【87】And because relationships are probably the most important variable when it comes to human flourishing, your inner weather improves even further and up you go.

人際關(guān)系可以說(shuō)是事關(guān)人類(lèi)繁榮的 最重要的變量, 你的內(nèi)心大大改善了關(guān)系, 然后你就騰飛了。

【88】And that is the whole point here.

這就是我要說(shuō)的重點(diǎn)。

【89】Self-love, properly understood, not as narcissism, but as having your own back, is not selfish.

自尊自愛(ài),對(duì)自己有良好認(rèn)知, 而非自戀, 支持你自己, 并不代表自私。

【90】It makes you better at loving other people.

你就會(huì)更善于關(guān)愛(ài)他人。

【91】And the flip side of this was on full display in my 360.

我的 360 度評(píng)估展示的是 完全就是反例。

【92】All the ways in which I was torturing myself showed up in my relationships with other people.

我折磨自己的種種行為 產(chǎn)生的惡果 體現(xiàn)在了我的人際關(guān)系上。

【93】And as those relationships suffered, so did I.

這些人很痛苦,我也很痛苦。

【94】Taken together, my two excellent drawings represent a kind of amateur unified field theory of love.

總而言之,我的兩幅杰作 展示了我粗淺的 關(guān)于愛(ài)的集大成理論,

【95】I call it “Me, A Love Story.”

我稱(chēng)之為“我,愛(ài)的故事”。

【96】(Laughter) That's a deliberately ridiculous name, but I am actually pretty serious about using the word "love."

（笑聲） 我故意起了這么一個(gè) 好笑的名字, 但是我可是正兒八經(jīng)地 在用“愛(ài)”這個(gè)詞。

【97】Granted, it's a confusing term because we use it to apply to everything from our spouses to our children to gluten-free snickerdoodles.

誠(chéng)然,這個(gè)詞有點(diǎn)含糊不清, 因?yàn)槲覀儼咽裁炊冀凶觥皭?ài)”, 我們的配偶、孩子、無(wú)麩質(zhì)曲奇。

【98】But I am comfortable embracing the broadness of the term.

但是我很能接受這個(gè)詞的廣泛含義。

【99】I consider love to be anything that falls within the human capacity to care, a capacity wired deeply into us via evolution.

我認(rèn)為愛(ài)就是任何在 人類(lèi)關(guān)愛(ài)能力范圍之內(nèi)的東西, 這種能力自古以來(lái)深入骨髓。

【100】It's our ability to care, cooperate and communicate that has allowed Homo sapiens to thrive.

我們關(guān)愛(ài)、合作、交流的能力, 讓我們?nèi)祟?lèi)生生不息。

【101】And it is a failure to exercise that muscle, it is a lack of love that I think is at the root of our most pressing problems, from inequality to violence to the climate crisis.

我認(rèn)為沒(méi)有利用這些能力, 缺乏愛(ài),才是一些 迫在眉睫的問(wèn)題的根源, 無(wú)論是不平等、暴力, 還是氣候危機(jī)。

【102】Obviously, these are all massive problems that are going to require massive structural change, but at a baseline they also require us to care about one another.

顯然,這些大規(guī)模的問(wèn)題 必須要有大規(guī)模的制度改變, 但是至少,它們促使 我們互相關(guān)愛(ài)。

【103】And it is harder to do that when you're stuck in a ceaseless spiral of self-centered self-flagellation.

如果你深陷 自我中心、自我折磨的無(wú)限漩渦中, 就更難做到這點(diǎn)。

【104】(Applause) Thank you.

（掌聲） 謝謝。

【105】So I guess what I'm trying to say here is there's a geopolitical case for you to get your shit together.

所以我想說(shuō)的一點(diǎn)是 你得支棱起來(lái), 不然你還會(huì)“禍及”世界。

【106】(Laughter) And the massively empowering news is that love is not an unalterable factory setting.

（笑聲） 一個(gè)振奮人心的好消息是 愛(ài)并不是一個(gè) 無(wú)法調(diào)節(jié)的硬性設(shè)定。

【107】It is a skill that you can train.

你可以鍛煉愛(ài)的能力。

【108】It's actually a family of skills.

愛(ài)包括了很多能力。

【109】After my 360, I learned a whole bunch of practices for upping my love game, and I'm going to share two with you right now that I think would be very easy to integrate into your life.

在 360 度評(píng)估之后,我學(xué)習(xí)了 很多方式,提高愛(ài)的能力, 我現(xiàn)在可以給你們分享其中兩個(gè), 非常適用于你的生活。

【110】The first is to boot up a practice of loving-kindness meditation.

第一,嘗試慈愛(ài)冥想。

【111】I should say that it does not require you to subscribe to some fancy metaphysical program, and it shouldn't take up too much time.

你不一定要 報(bào)名參加一些 花里胡哨的玄學(xué)活動(dòng), 也不會(huì)花很多的時(shí)間。

【112】Maybe a few minutes a couple of times a week to start.

也許從每周多次幾分鐘開(kāi)始。

【113】The instructions are really simple. Find a reasonably quiet place.

規(guī)則很簡(jiǎn)單。 找一個(gè)安靜的地方。

【114】Assume a comfortable position, close your eyes and begin by envisioning a really easy person.

找一個(gè)安靜的姿勢(shì), 閉上眼睛, 想象一個(gè)和你關(guān)系不錯(cuò)的人。

【115】Maybe a good friend, maybe a pet.

可以是你的朋友,你的寵物。

【116】And then you repeat in your mind four phrases: "May you be happy, may you be safe, may you be healthy, may you live with ease."

然后在腦海中重復(fù)這四個(gè)詞組: “愿你快樂(lè),愿你安全, 愿你健康, 愿你自在。”

【117】After you've generated a little warmth, you do a bait-and-switch and move onto yourself.

在產(chǎn)生了一些溫暖之后, 你可以把目光轉(zhuǎn)向你自己。

【118】Once again, you conjure the image and send the phrases.

再來(lái)一次, 想象畫(huà)面,默念詞組。

【119】After that, it's on to a mentor, somebody who's helped you in your life.

然后想象一個(gè)導(dǎo)師, 在你的人生中給予你幫助的人。

【120】Then a neutral person, somebody you might overlook.

然后是一個(gè)無(wú)關(guān)痛癢的人, 可能你會(huì)忽視的人。

【121】Then a difficult person, probably not hard to find.

然后是一個(gè)討厭的人, 應(yīng)該不難找。

【122】And then we finish with all beings everywhere.

然后我們就著眼全人類(lèi)了。

【123】To some of you, this may seem forced and treacly, but it's worth noting that the research shows that this practice has physiological, psychological and even behavioral benefits.

也許對(duì)一些人來(lái)說(shuō), 這太強(qiáng)迫了,還有點(diǎn)惡心, 但是值得注意的是, 研究表明 這個(gè)過(guò)程會(huì)產(chǎn)生 生理上、心理上, 甚至是行為上的益處。

【124】The other practice I'm going to recommend is to start consciously counterprogramming against your inner critic.

我還想推薦另一個(gè)方式, 就是有意識(shí)地抑制你對(duì)自己的吐槽。

【125】Next time you notice yourself going down the toilet, if nobody's looking, put your hand on your heart and talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend.

下次你去洗手間的時(shí)候, 如果四下無(wú)人, 你就可以把手放在胸口, 像和一個(gè)好朋友說(shuō)話(huà)一樣 自言自語(yǔ)。

【126】For ambitious people, this may be a little scary.

對(duì)“硬漢”性格的人來(lái)說(shuō), 這可能有點(diǎn)嚇人。

【127】You might fear it's going to erode your edge.

你可能會(huì)覺(jué)得這太沒(méi)面子了。

【128】But research shows that this process of replacing your sadistic inner tyrant with a supportive inner coach, who has high standards but is not a jerk about it, makes you more likely to reach your goals.

但是研究表明,這個(gè)過(guò)程—— 拋棄罵罵咧咧的事兒精, 選擇支持你的教練, 它可能會(huì)高標(biāo)準(zhǔn), 但絕不是個(gè)混蛋, 會(huì)讓你更有可能達(dá)成目標(biāo)。

【129】Now, I will cop to the fact that even though I've now retired from my job as a news man and am a full-time meditation evangelist,

我想說(shuō)一個(gè)情況, 雖然我作為一個(gè)新聞人已經(jīng)退休了, 現(xiàn)在是一個(gè)全職的冥想推廣人,

【130】I still go down the toilet on the regular.

我還是會(huì)時(shí)不時(shí)陷入馬桶旋渦。

【131】But I'm much more likely to access the upward spiral these days.

但是最近,我進(jìn)入 上升旋渦的頻率增加了。

【132】In fact, three years after my 360, I got another one, because I never learn.

在我參加 360 度評(píng)估的三年后, 我又參加了一次,因?yàn)槲也婚L(zhǎng)記性。

【133】And this one was way different.

這次就截然不同了。

【134】People gushed about how much I had changed as a friend and a mentor and a colleague.

人們紛紛表示我作為朋友、導(dǎo)師、 同事,改變得太多了。

【135】They talked about specific meetings where I used to be a prosecutor and was now delightful.

他們還提到了一些會(huì)議, 以前我會(huì)是咄咄逼人的“檢察官”, 而現(xiàn)在讓人愉悅。

【136】One person said, “His ego is shrinking,” which I think was a compliment.

一個(gè)人說(shuō)道:“他的自負(fù)減少了?！?我覺(jué)得是在夸我。

【137】And another person said, “He’s finding his heart,” which the new me let pass.

還有一個(gè)人說(shuō): “他找到了心之所向?！?洗心革面的我就不追究這句了。

【138】(Laughter) After she finished reading, my wife turned to me and said, "Congratulations, now you're boring."

（笑聲） 我的太太看完之后和我說(shuō): “恭喜你成為了一個(gè)無(wú)聊的人?！?/p>

【139】(Laughter) I'm hoping that was a joke because in my opinion, upping your love game is anything but boring.

（笑聲） 但愿這只是玩笑話(huà), 因?yàn)槲艺J(rèn)為 提高愛(ài)的能力 絕對(duì)不是無(wú)聊的。

【140】It’s countercultural because it cuts against the never-enoughness and always-behindness that society seems to want us to feel.

這與我們的文化相反, 因?yàn)樗c社會(huì)想讓我們學(xué)會(huì)的 貪得無(wú)厭和畏畏縮縮背道而馳。

【141】It’s courageous because it’s hard to look at your demons.

這需要很大的勇氣, 因?yàn)橹币晲耗Р皇且患资隆?/p>

【142】And it’s happiness-producing because when you high-five your demons, they don't own you as much.

這會(huì)讓你心生愉悅, 因?yàn)楫?dāng)你接受惡魔的時(shí)候, 它們就會(huì)少占據(jù)一點(diǎn)你的身體。

【143】And all of that makes you more generous and more available.

這些都能讓你胸懷 更寬廣、更開(kāi)放。

【144】If that sounds grandiose or touchy-feely to you, let me put it to you another way.

如果你覺(jué)得聽(tīng)起來(lái)太宏大, 或者有點(diǎn)矯揉造作, 我也可以這么說(shuō)。

【145】The view is so much better when you pull your head out of your ass.

如果你不嘰嘰歪歪, 趕緊支棱起來(lái),世界會(huì)更美好。

【146】(Laughter) Thank you very much.

（笑聲） 謝謝。

【147】(Applause)