內(nèi)容

when I was in high school

my mom asked me to order a pizza for the family

on a Friday night

I looked up the phone number and the phone book

and promptly handed the phone

to my older brother to place the call

I was too shy to talk to a stranger

fast forward to college at the university of Illinois

my first time away from my small town

I spent the first several weeks crying in my dorm room

two homesick or taken early freshman partying

the one frat party I did attend

was so disappointing

I wanted to trade in my books

abandon my major and head back home to my small town

the confident behaviors I needed to pursue this dream

were not yet available

and when I looked around

at the confident students walking around me

around campus

heads held high

pursuing a dream that they had set out to achieve

I wanted that kind of confidence too

but my behaviors

did not align with these confident attitudes

crying in my dorm room

shying away from social engagement

not

showing up for class because I was worried others were

smarter than me

these were not going to lead me to achieve my goal

so I would knew as that I needed to change

research tells us that in order to get people to change

you need to not start with the attitudes

but with the behaviors associated

with those attitudes

when people can see themselves behaving differently

they then begin to act differently

so the questions for me

who am I

who do I want to become

and how does this person I want to become behave

the answers were that I wanted a successful career

one that meant something

allowed me to contribute

and for me

that was defined as a career as a sports executive

in order to achieve this goal

I needed to begin to act more confidently

and I did because 13

years later I became the first female general manager

of a AAA baseball team in nearly 20 years

thank you

I also ananza host the leadership is female podcast

where I've interviewed over

90 female executives in sports

an industry that's over 80 percent male

at management level and above

and time after time these women have told me

that the No. 1 skill they've improved in order to earn

their spot at the top of the sports industry

is confidence

they like me

did not possess this confidence necessary

to increase their level in their career

from the get go

they had to work on the behaviors

associated with this attitude

in order to propel their career forward

so I'm here today to share with you

6 behaviors you can start today

to increase your confidence

why is it important to increase our confidence well

think of

how would you behave or what could you achieve

if you were 10

times more confident

No.1 count yourself in

I spoke with a woman about her first time

doing sideline reporting at a

nationally televised basketball game

she was shaking in her heels standing courtside

nerves overtaking her

until she heard something familiar in her headset

we'll be on in five

and 3 2 1 you're live

and she performed with excellence

the nerves melting away

she's an athlete

a former basketball player

used to performing on the court

by the clock and the tactic remain true

counting will get you started

and momentum will keep you going

I have used this technique

I've had more

uncomfortable conversations than I care to recall

but one I'll share with you today

I vividly remember

standing on the warning track of the baseball field

45 minutes before game time

looking at the opposing manager and his team wearing

the wrong color uniform

I wanted to turn and run back up to my office and hide

but instead I faced him head on

and I set in my mind 3 two one go

and I started walking towards him

and when I arrived

we had a very uncomfortable conversation

about his team wearing the wrong color uniform

yes I had asked these grown men to change their clothes

it was so awkward

but when I asked myself

who am I and how do I behave

the answer was that I'm a person who's not too shy

to stand up for what I believe

what is right and stand up to conflict

counting got me started and momentum kept me going

No.2

what if you only had to be brave for a total of 20

seconds

give yourself 20 seconds of courage

this behavior

helped me enormously when I published my podcast

leadership as female

bold title and all for all the world to see here

critique and have their opinions

I vividly remember

sitting on the carpet of my closet floor

holding my computer

looking at the upload button thinking to myself

does it need any more edits

should I listen to it one more time

and I told myself Emily

give yourself 20 seconds of courage

and I hit publish and it was done

and guess what

I kept breathing and the world kept turning

and the podcast grew into what it was meant to be

all because of 20 seconds of courage

No. 3 take a seat at the table

not metaphorically speaking

actually take a seat at the table

I spoke with a woman who represents

some of the biggest names in baseball

and she told me a story about taking a seat at the

table

she noticed women waiting around the edges of the room

waiting for the seats to be filled

and worse yet

she was doing it too

in order to become the more confident woman

that she envisioned herself to be

she needed to go in

sit down speak her mind and get the deal done

that started with one simple action

taking a seat at the table

No. 4 cheer for other people's success

they say that women will pull up the latter behind them

what if you didn't

what if you extended a hand back to lead her forward

what if you celebrated

the success of a colleague

rather than feeling sorry for yourself

that it was not you

accepting the accolades

confident people

celebrate the success of others rather than feeling

threatened

think of this great quote from Amy Polar

good for her

not for me it turns that pit in your stomach of oh

she did that and I'm still here and say

yes good for her

not for me this is her Celebration not mine

and when my time comes

isn't it going to be great

to have the support of so many people

around me

wins are so much better celebrated together

join in cheer someone else on

here's No. 4 in action

recently

a woman was promoted to chief marketing officer

of a major sports league

the offered an interview and ultimately land the job

came after her public Celebration

in sincere congratulatory outreach

to the newly named female league president

confident people support those around them

cheer for someone else's success

No. 5 bolster your confidence for a new activity

through your already great performance in another

what are you really good at

what is easier today than it was one year ago

what is your most proud accomplishment

answer those questions

think about those answers

those answers is where your confidence is born

confidence is born in all we've already done

and already achieved

recently a woman I interviewed on the

leadership as female podcast was going after a big

big promotion at a top team

before she went in to pitch her boss

she reviewed her current job description

made notes of her accolades in all areas mentioned

and then was prepared with the

examples and the confidence

of the success she had in the past

she got the promotion

use your prior success to propel yourself forward

and number 6

celebrate constantly

how

often do we reach our goals and then just immediately

move on when we do this

the recollection of that success is diminished

how can we confidently

move forward if we can't remember what we achieved

or worse yet link that accomplishment to stress

find ways to celebrate that are meaningful to you

like creating a highlight reel

in your cell phone of your most proud accomplishments

take your team out for

celebratory drinks when you close

the big deal

buy yourself a massage or maybe order a pizza

when you reach your personal goals

it doesn't matter how you celebrate

it matters that you do

this will create

a marker in your brain to rewire and reinforce

the behaviors that LED to the success

in the first place

I've come a long way

from the girl who couldn't order a pizza

to the woman who became GM

of a minor league baseball team

started a podcast and delivered a Tedx talk

all because I made the decision

to become a more confident person

and I hope you do too

because how many runs could you score if you were

10 times more confident

thank you