Signs You Might Be a Toxic Colleague

沒有人喜歡“有毒的”同事。哪怕最難相處的人聽了這話也會(huì)舉雙手贊成。

No one likes a?toxic coworker. Even the most difficult people themselves would probably be the first to agree.

這就引發(fā)了一個(gè)問題：如果你“有毒”的話，你能意識(shí)到嗎？有沒有可能你就是那個(gè)嚴(yán)重破壞團(tuán)隊(duì)建設(shè)，造成其他人工作效率低下的人？

Which raises a?question: If you were “toxic,” would you even know it? Is it possible that?you?are the one wreaking havoc on your team, making everyone else less productive and more miserable?

你會(huì)說，當(dāng)然不可能了。因?yàn)槲覀兌紩?huì)這樣說。

Of course not, you say. Because that’s what we all say.

研究結(jié)果向我們展現(xiàn)出一副完全不同的畫面，換句話說，大多數(shù)情況下，其他人眼中的我們并不是我們自認(rèn)為給他人留下的印象。（造成這種差別的合理原因有很多——其中最重要的一點(diǎn)就是認(rèn)知困難和主觀性）。

The research paints a very different picture, namely that most of the time there is remarkably little overlap between how other people see us and how we think we’re coming across. (There are lots of good reasons for this disconnect —?for the most part, it has to do with how difficult and subjective perception is.)

有3種習(xí)慣會(huì)令人不經(jīng)意間變成“毒人”，假如你不希望同事恨你，這里有一些策略可以幫助你避免這種情況。

Assuming you would prefer not to be hated by your colleagues, here are three ways people inadvertently come across as toxic and some strategies you can use to avoid doing so yourself.

問題：表現(xiàn)冷漠

Problem: You seem cold.

人類的大腦時(shí)刻保持著活躍的狀態(tài)，努力探查其他人是否對(duì)我們構(gòu)成威脅——影響我們的人際關(guān)系、我們的事業(yè)、乃至我們的幸福安康。你會(huì)不會(huì)給我?guī)砺闊?？我們總這么想（通常是在不自覺的情況下）。你是否會(huì)跟我競爭，或者試圖危害我？

Human brains are wired to try to figure out whether others pose a threat to us — to our relationships, to our careers, to our overall well-being.?Are?you?going to make trouble for me??we wonder (often unconsciously).?Are you?going to be competitive, or try to undermine me?

人們依據(jù)你的熱情程度對(duì)你進(jìn)行評(píng)估。你的熱情程度——表現(xiàn)友好、充滿關(guān)懷并設(shè)身處地為他人著想，可以證明你是否對(duì)觀察者懷有善意，這也是他們初次與你接觸時(shí)最先了解的一點(diǎn)。

People answer this question about you by evaluating how warm you seem. Your warmth — being friendly, attentive, empathetic —?is taken as evidence that you have good intentions toward the perceiver, and it’s the very first thing about you that they zero in on.

如果你表現(xiàn)得十分熱情，那么在同事眼中，你指揮其他人做事很可能是為了幫助他們：你在發(fā)送重要郵件時(shí)漏掉了一名同事完全是因?yàn)椤笆韬觥?，你的暴脾氣也是因?yàn)椤皦毫μ蟆薄Q句話說，一旦人們相信，你時(shí)刻把大家利益放在心上，那么他們?cè)谫|(zhì)疑你時(shí)就會(huì)往好處想，而且解讀你的行為時(shí)也會(huì)更寬容。不過這一切只有當(dāng)你表現(xiàn)熱情時(shí)才會(huì)發(fā)生。

When you are warm, your tendency to tell people what to do is more likely to be seen by your colleagues as an attempt to be “helpful”: your leaving a coworker off an important email chain is “an oversight,” and your hot temper is the result of “so much stress.” In other words, when people believe you generally have their best interests at heart, you get the benefit of the doubt, and your actions are interpreted more generously. And this only happens when you are warm.

問題是大部分人，特別在工作中，認(rèn)為應(yīng)該靠工作能力給同事留下深刻的第一印象。他們急于證明自己的能力和聰明才智，因此忽略了展現(xiàn)自己溫暖熱情的一面。（事實(shí)上比這還要糟糕——有些人為了讓自己顯得更有能力，會(huì)刻意壓制熱情的一面。）

The problem is that most people,?especially in work settings, see making a good impression on their colleagues as being first and foremost about competence. In their eagerness to demonstrate their skills and talents, they neglect to project warmth. (Actually, it’s worse than that —?some people will actively play down their warmth in an attempt to seem more competent.)

解決之道：提升你的“熱度”，有意識(shí)地去關(guān)心其他人。說話和傾聽的時(shí)候，你應(yīng)該多和其他人進(jìn)行并保持眼神交流；開會(huì)時(shí)克制自己看手機(jī)的沖動(dòng)；對(duì)周圍的人和事物保持興趣；不時(shí)點(diǎn)頭，表示你理解其他人跟你說的話；保持微笑，特別是當(dāng)其他人對(duì)你微笑的時(shí)候。最重要的是，實(shí)實(shí)在在地關(guān)注其他人的話——你的同事需要知道你在認(rèn)真傾聽。

Solution:?To turn up your warmth quotient, make a conscious attempt to pay attention to other people. Make eye contact and hold it, both when you are speaking and listening. Resist the urge to look at your cell phone during meetings. Seem interested. Nod from time to time to show you understand what’s being said to you. Smile, especially when others do. And above all else, actually focus on what other people are saying — your colleagues have a need to feel heard, just like you do.

記住，其他人不會(huì)知道你內(nèi)心的想法和感受——你必須表達(dá)出來。所以，努力表現(xiàn)出你是跟他們站在一起的。

Remember that people don’t have access to your secret thoughts and feelings — you have to make them apparent. So make that effort to?show?you are on their side.

問題：表現(xiàn)自私

但是等一下！你說。我為同事們拼命工作，比所有人做得都多，都好。

Problem: You seem selfish.?

But wait!?you say.?I work my butt off for my colleagues. I do more than other people do —?and do it better.

這或許是真的。可是，你究竟有多少時(shí)間真正花在關(guān)心同事上？考慮他們的觀點(diǎn)？理解他們的困境？你知道他們的目標(biāo)是什么嗎？

That may be true. But how much time do you spend really thinking about your colleagues? Their perspectives? Their struggles? Do you know what their goals are?

如果你不怎么了解同事的動(dòng)力、他們的希望或者恐懼，那你可能就有麻煩了。“有毒的”同事通常會(huì)認(rèn)為，這是我的世界，你只不過是生活在其中的一員罷了。雖然你可能并不這樣認(rèn)為，但只要你表現(xiàn)出來的是這種態(tài)度，就會(huì)成為“毒人”。即便你只專注于眼前的工作，兩耳不聞窗外事，一門心思地埋頭苦干，這種情況也可能發(fā)生。你可能覺得自己是工作的殉道者，可其他人卻會(huì)認(rèn)為你在大包大攬，對(duì)其他人管東管西，或者在分工和協(xié)作上有障礙。由于這類人不會(huì)花太多時(shí)間考慮其他人的想法，不會(huì)嘗試從他人的角度考慮問題，因此總會(huì)無意中有一些“毒人”的典型行為，比如出問題的時(shí)候指手畫腳責(zé)備他人，把重要人物排除在決策圈之外，或者竊取他人的功勞。

If you don’t know much about what drives your colleagues or what their hopes and fears are, you might be in trouble. Coworkers perceived as “toxic” often come across as if they think?it’s my world, and you’re just living in it. It’s not that you believe this is actually true — but to be “toxic,” all you need to do is be?perceived?as if you do. This can happen even if you’re just really focused on the work in front of you, head down and plowing away. While it may feel to you like you’re a martyr to the job, other people might see it as you hoarding work, micromanaging, or having trouble delegating or collaborating. Because such people?don’t spend much time thinking about others or?trying to see things from perspectives other than their own, they?also often?inadvertently do classic “toxic” things like assigning blame to others when things go wrong, leaving key people out of the loop, or taking credit for other people’s work.

解決之道：老實(shí)說，最自私的人不會(huì)意識(shí)到他們自私，而且?guī)缀跛腥硕疾幌氤蔀樽运降娜?。（除了自戀狂。假設(shè)你不是這種人。）為了確保自己不會(huì)成為這種類型的壞同事，你得時(shí)?；ㄐr(shí)間從同事的立場出發(fā)考慮問題，如此才能了解其他人的想法。你須時(shí)刻保持好奇心，多去了解那些你并不熟悉的同事。最重要的是，你要表示自己感同身受，讓他們知道，你尊重他們，努力想透過他們的雙眼去了解他們的內(nèi)心。多說一些類似于“很抱歉讓你去處理”“我想你肯定覺得”的話來直接展現(xiàn)同理心。

Solution:?Honestly, most egocentric people don’t realize that they?are?egocentric, and almost all of them certainly don’t want to be. (Except for narcissists. Let’s assume you aren’t one of those.) To be certain that you don’t fall into this particular toxic category, take the time to mentally put yourself in your colleagues’ shoes on a regular basis to really try to grasp their perspective. Be curious, and ask questions to learn more about the coworkers you don’t know well. And most importantly, show empathy. Let them know you respect and value them enough to try to see things through their eyes. Use phrases like “I’m sorry you had to deal with…” and “I imagine you must have felt…” to convey empathy directly.

問題：其他人視你為“規(guī)章制度納粹主義”

毫不奇怪，最近一項(xiàng)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，職場“毒人”比一般人更容易過度自信，并且以自我為中心。而你想不到的是他們普遍具有的第三種特質(zhì)：堅(jiān)信永遠(yuǎn)都要遵守規(guī)章制度。

Problem: People think of you as the “Rule Nazi.”

It should come as no surprise that in a recent study, toxic coworkers were found to be reliably more overconfident and self-centered than their nontoxic colleagues. What may surprise you is the third common trait they often share: believing that rules must?always?be followed.

當(dāng)然，對(duì)于那些符合道德標(biāo)準(zhǔn)或者自然法則的規(guī)則，我們都認(rèn)為應(yīng)該遵守。但是，我們有時(shí)可以為了更長遠(yuǎn)的目標(biāo)更改（甚至忽略）一些關(guān)于工作“應(yīng)該”如何做的規(guī)章制度。

Of course, when those rules are ethical or legal in nature, we can all agree that they shouldn’t be broken. But other rules, the ones that govern how work “should” get done, sometimes can be bent (or ignored altogether) for the sake of a larger goal.

不過，規(guī)章制度納粹主義者可不這么認(rèn)為。他們緊抓著規(guī)則不放，就如同萊昂納多·迪卡普里奧緊抓著泰坦尼克號(hào)上的門——好像他們靠這個(gè)才能活下來。而且，即便規(guī)則不合理或者阻礙了生產(chǎn)力，他們也要確保每個(gè)人都遵守規(guī)則。

Rule Nazis don’t see it that way. They cling to the rules like Leonardo DiCaprio clung to that door in?Titanic?— as if their lives depend on it. And they make sure everyone else does too, even when the rule doesn’t make sense or stands in the way of productivity.

過度以預(yù)防為主的人通常都會(huì)嚴(yán)格遵循規(guī)則。以預(yù)防為重點(diǎn)的人一門心思保持安全。他們一般都規(guī)避風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，擔(dān)心不夠細(xì)心會(huì)產(chǎn)生問題，他們的優(yōu)點(diǎn)在于工作更周密、準(zhǔn)確、萬全。

This strict adherence to the rules?is born primarily out of an excessive?prevention?focus. Prevention-focused people are determined to?stay safe. They’re?generally risk-averse and they worry about what might go wrong if they aren’t careful enough, but their work is also more thorough, accurate, and well-planned.

解決之道：坦誠——這聽起來像你嗎？你做事的時(shí)候會(huì)不會(huì)有點(diǎn)兒嚴(yán)格，認(rèn)為事情“就應(yīng)該這么辦”？你是否對(duì)此直言不諱？盡管你本意是好的，但你認(rèn)為有道理或者負(fù)責(zé)的行為可能就會(huì)破壞整個(gè)團(tuán)隊(duì)。面對(duì)規(guī)章制度，尤其是那些既不違背道德也無關(guān)法律的規(guī)則，多一些靈活與寬松。而且，當(dāng)你放水時(shí)一定要對(duì)同事言明，這樣才不至于白當(dāng)了好人。最后，如果你真的必須堅(jiān)持規(guī)則，不要指望其他人能理解原因；花一點(diǎn)兒時(shí)間向其他人解釋你的想法，告訴他們?cè)谶@種情況下遵守規(guī)則的原因，以及這樣做會(huì)給團(tuán)隊(duì)帶來的好處。

Solution:?Be honest —?does this sound like you? Do you think you might be a bit rigid when it comes to doing things “the way they are supposed to be done”? And are you vocal about it? Despite your good intentions, what may seem perfectly sensible and responsible to you is probably undermining your entire team. Make a point of being more flexible about the rules, particularly the ones that are neither unethical nor illegal to break. And be sure to point out to your colleagues when you?are?being flexible, so that you get credit for it. Finally, when you really have to stick to the rules, don’t just assume that other people understand?why;?take a moment to explain your thinking, why it’s so important to follow the rules in this case, and how doing so is good for your team.

安健 | 編輯

海蒂·格蘭特·哈佛森博士現(xiàn)任哥倫比亞大學(xué)商學(xué)院動(dòng)機(jī)學(xué)科學(xué)中心副主任，著有暢銷書《成功人士與眾不同的九件事》（Nine Things Successful People Do Differently）。