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Stewie: You know, Brian, we are privileged to live in this particular age of television programming.

Brian: Really? You think so? Seems to me that nearly all television these days is complete trash.

Stewie: Yes, quite right. But never before in history have we had such a wide selection of trash.

Brian: Yeah, I guess you're right.

Stewie: Of course I'm right! For example...

[Music begins]

Stewie:?You've got mega hits like Idol where Sanjaya took his bow

Brian:?Just a little boy from India who made us all say wow

Stewie:?With a voice that makes you wanna just go out and kill a cow

Together:?Here's the plain situation

A simple declaration

If you want it you can find it on TV

Brian:?You've got "Scrubs" on NBC in season seven-and-a-half

With the antics of the loveable and talented?Zach Braff

Stewie:?Who reminds us that a sitcom doesn't have to make you laugh

Together:?You can try to deny it

But we can certify it

If you want it you can find it on TV

Brian:?And if you start to crave a brand new TV thrill

They're always brewing up some brand new primetime swill

Stewie:?Like the GEICO Cavemen

Brian:?CBS was once a network that was reverent and clean

But today they've got some shows that are remarkably obscene

Stewie:?Like the show about a little boy who lives with?Charlie Sheen

Together:?Oh, there ain't nothing to it

You click it on and view it

If you want it you can find it on TV

[Music fades into background]

Brian: You know, I think I'm gettin' the idea, Stewie.

Stewie: Ahh? You see?

Brian: Absolutely! Hey, how 'bout this?

[Music kicks in again]

Brian:?ABC has got a lineup that's refreshing and alive

With its hits like "Desperate Housewives" just continuing to thrive

Stewie:?And those women look sensational for being sixty-five!

Together:?No we won't over-sell ya

We merely wanna tell ya

If you want it you can find it on TV

Brian:?Now, the Peacock's having trouble simply staying in the race

So I hear they're bringing "Seinfeld" back to save a little face

Stewie:?And I hear Isaiah Washington is taking Kramer's place?

Together:?Oh, you may not adore it

But boy you can't ignore it

If you want it you can find it on TV

Brian:?Now "The Sopranos" is a show I'd recommend

Stewie:?Because you never know just how it's gonna...?[Music cuts out, screen goes black]

[Music and video returns]

Brian:?So to sum up the philosophy on which we're both agreed

All the garbage on the airwaves is a vital thing indeed

Stewie:?Cause without it then Americans would have to learn to read

Together:?And so up with the curtain

It's absolutely certain

If you want it you can find it on TV