? ? ?The first change in my life came when I was twelve. My father died.?Up to then our family, consisting of my parents, my two younger?sisters and myself had lived in comfortable circumstances in Rotterdam?and later in Scheveningen, a fashionable seaside resort near The?Hague. My father was the owner of a small factory manufacturing?leather gloves, used by the riveters in the Rotterdam shipyards. The?last years of his life were dogged by ill health and financial worries due?to the heavy slump in shipbuilding following the Wall Street crash.?These worries had hastened his end. We children had been little?affected, however, by these gathering clouds as my mother, in spite of?all the difficulties, had always managed to keep our home a haven of?cosy security.

【我生命中的第一次改變是在我12歲的時候。我的父親去世了。在那之前，我們一家，包括父母、兩個妹妹和我，一直住在鹿特丹，生活條件舒適，后來又住在海牙附近的一個時尚的海濱度假勝地斯海弗寧根。我父親是一家生產(chǎn)皮手套的小工廠的老板，鹿特丹造船廠的鉚工就用這種手套。在他生命的最后幾年，由于華爾街金融危機后造船業(yè)的嚴重衰退，他的健康狀況不佳，財務(wù)狀況也不佳。這些憂慮加速了他的死亡。然而，我們這些孩子幾乎沒有受到這些烏云的影響，因為盡管困難重重，我的母親總是設(shè)法使我們的家成為一個舒適安全的避風(fēng)港?！?/p>

? ? ?My father, Albert Behar, was Jewish and born in Constantinople,?where his ancestors found refuge after their expulsion from Spain at?the end of the fifteenth century. My grandfather was a wealthy carpet?merchant who had many sons and daughters. The family's affluence?lasted till my grandfather's death after which his elder sons managed to?squander rapidly a considerable fortune. In my father's home on?the Bosphorus Spanish was spoken and my grandmother in her?letters to her many children, who, after the First World War, settled in?various parts of Europe and the Middle East, would write in?Spanish, but in Hebrew script.

【我的父親阿爾伯特·貝哈爾(Albert Behar)是猶太人，出生在君士坦丁堡。15世紀(jì)末，他的祖先被西班牙驅(qū)逐后，就在那里找到了避難所。我的祖父是一個富有的地毯商人，他有很多兒子和女兒。這個家的富裕一直持續(xù)到我祖父去世，他的幾個大兒子很快就揮霍掉了一大筆錢。在我父親位于博斯普魯斯海峽的家里，人們說西班牙語，祖母在給她的許多孩子的信中，這些孩子在第一次世界大戰(zhàn)后，定居在歐洲和中東的不同地區(qū)，他們會用西班牙語寫作，但用的是希伯來語?！?/p>

? ? ?Like most wealthy and educated?oriental Jews my father's family?looked to France as the fount of civilisation, culture and good taste.?They were in love with all things French and while they might be?indifferent or feel superior to the country in which they happened to?live, they were ready to make any sacrifice for the country they?idealised. But my grandfather, who died before the First World War,?was evidently a prudent man who liked to hedge his bets. No doubt?bearing in mind the German ascendancy in Turkey at that time, he sent?some of his sons to study at German universities and some,?because of his attachment to France, to French universities. My?father, who was one of the younger sons, was sent to the Sorbonne.?What exactly he studied there I never learnt. He had not been there?very long when the First World War broke out. Passionately pro-French, he at once gave up his studies and volunteered for the Foreign?Legion. Being a Turkish subject, I suppose this was the only way he?could join the French Army. Much of this is surmise on my part as he?never talked to us much about his background and early life. I know?he served in the Foreign Legion because he told my mother and there?was a photograph of him in a Legionnaire's uniform. How or why he?subsequently transferred to the British Army, I do not know because?he never told us. But I do know that at one time during the war he served?with the British Army in Mesopotamia. Again I can only?surmise that as a fluent Turkish speaker his knowledge of that?language must have been required in that theatre of war in some?intelligence function or other. He had a distinguished war record and?when the war ended he had accumulated an impressive row of medals?among them the MC and the French Croix de Guerre. He had also?acquired British nationality. On several occasions he had been?severely wounded and subsequently he never fully recovered his?health. He was entitled to an invalid pension which he collected every?month at the British Consulate in Rotterdam. His last posting before?being demobilised had been with an army unit sent there to supervise the?transit of British POWs passing through Holland on their way?home from German prison camps. It was there that he met my?mother, fell in love with her and decided to marry her.

【像大多數(shù)富有、受過教育的東方猶太人一樣，我父親的家族將法國視為文明、文化和高雅品味的源泉。他們熱愛法國的一切，雖然他們可能對自己碰巧生活的國家漠不關(guān)心，或者覺得自己比這個國家優(yōu)越，但他們愿意為自己理想中的國家做出任何犧牲。但我的祖父在第一次世界大戰(zhàn)之前去世，他顯然是一個謹慎的人，喜歡兩面下注。毫無疑問，考慮到當(dāng)時德國在土耳其的統(tǒng)治地位，他把他的一些兒子送到德國的大學(xué)學(xué)習(xí)，也把他的一些兒子送到法國的大學(xué)，因為他對法國的依戀。我的父親，他是一個小兒子，被送到了索邦大學(xué)。他到底在那里學(xué)了什么，我從來沒聽說過。他在那里沒待多久，第一次世界大戰(zhàn)就爆發(fā)了。他熱情地支持法國，立即放棄學(xué)業(yè)，志愿加入外國軍團。作為一個土耳其人，我想這是他加入法國軍隊的唯一途徑。這在很大程度上是我的猜測，因為他從來沒有跟我們談過他的背景和早年生活。我知道他在外國軍團服役，因為他告訴了我母親，還有一張他穿著軍團制服的照片。我不知道他后來是如何或為什么轉(zhuǎn)到英國軍隊的，因為他從來沒有告訴過我們。但我知道戰(zhàn)爭期間他曾在美索不達米亞的英國軍隊服役。我只能再次猜測，作為一名流利的土耳其語使用者，他對這門語言的了解一定是在戰(zhàn)場上從事某種情報工作或其他工作所必需的。他有杰出的戰(zhàn)爭記錄，當(dāng)戰(zhàn)爭結(jié)束時，他積累了一系列令人印象深刻的勛章，其中包括法國十字勛章。他還獲得了英國國籍。有幾次他受了重傷，后來也沒有完全恢復(fù)。他有資格領(lǐng)取一筆每月在英國駐鹿特丹領(lǐng)事館領(lǐng)取的退休金。在被遣散之前，他的最后一份工作是跟隨一個軍隊單位，負責(zé)監(jiān)督英國戰(zhàn)俘從德國戰(zhàn)俘營返回荷蘭途中的過境情況。就在那里，他遇見了我的母親，愛上了她，并決定娶她為妻?！?/span>

? ? ?My mother came from quite a different background. She belonged to?a Dutch family which in the seventeenth century had moved from?Westfalia to Rotterdam and, though originally engaged in trade, had?later supplied many civil servants, doctors and ministers of the?Church. Her father had been an architect in the service of the?Rotterdam municipality and her maternal grandfather, who was of?Huguenot descent, an architect in government service. Ironically, he?had been in charge of the building of a number of prisons in various?parts of Holland and as a result his children were all born in different?towns which are now known for their large prisons. My grandfather?died in the last year of the war, a victim of the epidemic of?Spanish flu which was then sweeping Europe. My grandmother was?left with five children: three daughters, the eldest of whom was my?mother, and two boys, who were still in their teens. It was the eldest?of my uncles, who, anxious to practise his English, struck up a casual?acquaintanceship with my father and in due course invited him home?for tea. This first visit was followed by many others and soon he was?considered a friend of the family. My grandmother must have felt?sorry for this lonely soldier in a foreign land while to the boys and girls?he must have been a rather romantic figure. He was slightly built with?a dark, handsome face which was marred, however, by two deep scars,?one on each cheek, the result of flying shrapnel. This disfigurement?was redeemed by his eyes which were large and dark and extremely?beautiful. It was not surprising therefore that the three girls secretly?fell in love with him. Of the three my mother was undoubtedly the?most attractive. Aged twenty-three at the time she was tall and good?looking with regular features framed in an abundance of fair hair. She?had also great charm which throughout her life served her well as it?disposed people of the most different kind well to her. She was exactly?the type of woman oriental men fall for and, given the situation, it was?almost inevitable that my father should fall in love with her. He?started to ask her out and before long proposed to her. He still had?some money left of his share in his father's inheritance and decided to?use it to set up business in Rotterdam and settle there.

【我的母親來自一個完全不同的背景。她屬于一個荷蘭家庭，在17世紀(jì)從威斯特法利亞搬到鹿特丹，雖然最初從事貿(mào)易，后來又當(dāng)過公務(wù)員、醫(yī)生和教會牧師。她的父親是鹿特丹市政府的建筑師，她的外祖父是胡格諾派后裔，是政府部門的建筑師。具有諷刺意味的是，他曾負責(zé)建造荷蘭各地的許多監(jiān)獄，因此他的孩子都出生在不同的城鎮(zhèn)，這些城鎮(zhèn)現(xiàn)在以大型監(jiān)獄而聞名。我的祖父死于戰(zhàn)爭的最后一年，他是當(dāng)時席卷歐洲的西班牙流感的受害者。我的祖母留下了五個孩子:三個女兒，最大的是我的母親，還有兩個男孩，他們才十多歲。我這個叔叔是其中的老大，他急于練習(xí)英語，偶然結(jié)識了我父親，并在適當(dāng)?shù)臅r候邀請他回家喝茶。在第一次拜訪之后，有很多人來拜訪他，很快他就被視為這家人的朋友。我的祖母一定為這個在異國他鄉(xiāng)的孤獨士兵感到難過，而在男孩和女孩們看來，他一定是一個相當(dāng)浪漫的人物。他身材瘦小，長著一張黝黑而英俊的臉，但臉上卻留下了兩道深深的傷疤，都是彈片炸出來的。這一缺陷被他那雙又大又黑又美麗的眼睛彌補了。因此，三個女孩偷偷地愛上了他也就不足為奇了。在這三個人中，我母親無疑是最有魅力的。她當(dāng)時23歲，身材高挑，五官端正，一頭濃密的金發(fā)。她也很有魅力，這在她的一生中對她很有好處，因為她能使不相識的人對她很好。她正是東方男人喜歡的那種女人，在這種情況下，我父親幾乎不可避免地會愛上她。他開始約她出去，不久就向她求婚了。他父親留給他的遺產(chǎn)中還剩下一些錢，他決定用這些錢在鹿特丹做生意并在那里定居下來。】

? ? ?My grandmother had watched these developments with growing?alarm. She naturally expected her daughters to marry Dutchmen of a?solid background and was not at all keen on the idea of having as a son-in-law this dark foreigner about whom she knew very little and whose?prospects seemed at the best uncertain. She would have been even?more alarmed and her opposition to a marriage even stronger if she?had known that my father was Jewish. Compared to some countries?there is very little anti-semitism in Holland. This does not mean,?however, that people of my grandmother's background were free of?a certain amount of prejudice towards this ancient nation or above?making the occasional snide remark when the talk was about Jews.?Certainly she would not have welcomed a Jew with open arms as a member?of the family. My father must have been aware of this and,?realising that he was up against enough opposition as it was, decided?not to make it worse by telling anyone, even my mother, that he was?Jewish. Having set out on this course, he must have found it more and?more difficult as time went on to broach the subject and so he kept?silent. We only learned that he was Jewish after his death when I went to?Egypt to live with his sister.

【我的祖母越來越警覺地看著這些事態(tài)的發(fā)展。她自然希望她的女兒們嫁給一個有扎實背景的荷蘭人，而她一點也不愿意讓這個黝黑的外國人做她的女婿，因為她對這個外國人了解甚少，而且他的前途也不太確定。如果她知道我父親是猶太人，她會更加警覺，對婚姻的反對會更加強烈。與一些國家相比，荷蘭的反猶太主義很少。然而，這并不意味著，我祖母這種背景的人對這個古老的民族就沒有一定的偏見，或者在談到猶太人的時候偶爾會說些挖苦的話。她當(dāng)然不會張開雙臂歡迎一個猶太人成為家里的一員。我父親一定已經(jīng)意識到了這一點，他意識到自己已經(jīng)遇到了足夠多的反對，于是決定不把事情搞得更糟，不告訴任何人，甚至包括我母親，他是猶太人。當(dāng)他開始保守這個秘密的時候，他一定會發(fā)現(xiàn)隨著時間的推移，這個話題越來越難提了，所以他保持沉默。直到他死后，我才知道他是猶太人，當(dāng)時我去埃及和他姐姐住在一起?！?/p>

? ? ?In view of my grandmother's opposition to the marriage and in?order to avoid any awkward situations, the young couple went to?London where they got married in the Chelsea register office in the?presence of a few of my father's friends and without a religious?ceremony. On their return to Rotterdam they settled in a large house in?the oldest part of the town, a stone's throw away from the statue of?Erasmus. I remember this statue well since as a small boy I watched it?carefully on many occasions while playing in the little square in which it?stood, having been told that he turned a page of the book he was?holding every time the clock on the St Lawrence church nearby struck?the hour. But however attentively I watched, I never caught him?doing it. That part of the town, with its narrow alleys and small?squares, has now disappeared having been entirely destroyed in the?German bombardment of May 1940. The old house in which I was?born and of which I remember very little was divided in two parts: on?the ground floor was my father's office and the workshop, where the?leather articles in which he traded were manufactured, while the?upper floors were used as living quarters.

【由于我祖母反對這樁婚事，也為了避免任何尷尬的局面，這對年輕夫婦前往倫敦，在切爾西的婚姻登記處舉行了婚禮，我父親的一些朋友在場，沒有舉行宗教儀式?；氐铰固氐ず?，他們在鹿特丹最古老的地方的一所大房子里安頓下來，離伊拉斯謨的雕像只有一箭之遙。我記得這個雕像被雕刻成一個小男孩,我被告知,他在用手里這本書記錄每次轟炸的時間。但是，不管我多么用心地觀察，我始終沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)他在做這件事。在1940年5月德國的轟炸中，城鎮(zhèn)的那部分小巷和小廣場已經(jīng)完全被摧毀，現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)消失了。我出生的那幢老房子，我對它的記憶很少，它分為兩部分:一樓是我父親的辦公室，二樓是我父親的作坊，他在那里制造皮革制品，樓上則是住人的地方。】

? ? ?My grandmother was at first very angry at what amounted to an?elopement and for a while even forbade her other children to visit my?mother. But soon she relented and resigned herself to an accomplished?fact especially when about a year later I, her first grandchild of whom?from the very beginning she was very proud and fond, was born.

【我的祖母一開始對這等于是私奔的事情非常生氣，有一段時間甚至禁止她的其他孩子來看我母親。但很快她就妥協(xié)了，接受了一個既成事實，尤其是大約一年后，我——她的第一個外孫——出生了，她從一開始就為此驕傲和喜歡我。】