今天推薦的演講者是：Kathy Mendias，發(fā)布于2020年的TED演講大會！

在傳統(tǒng)的認(rèn)知里，哭泣是懦弱的代名詞；不哭代表著勇敢，堅(jiān)強(qiáng)。的確，我們應(yīng)該堅(jiān)強(qiáng)地面對生活中的困難，但眼淚真的那么“萬惡不赦”嗎？

According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, we create 15 to 30 gallons of tears a year. I am what you would call a high-volume producer. Now even though we do create less tears as we age, I figure by the time I'm 80, I will have filled up 40 average-sized bath tubs.

根據(jù)美國眼科學(xué)會的研究，我們每年會分泌15到30加侖的眼淚。我就是你所說的大批量生產(chǎn)商?，F(xiàn)在，雖然隨著年齡的增長，我們分泌的眼淚確實(shí)會減少，但我估計(jì)到80歲的時(shí)候，我已經(jīng)把40個(gè)普通大小的浴缸裝滿了。

Now crying in my early years? Not something I would brag about. When I was five, I thought it was a good idea to practice writing my name on the side of the house. Outside the house. Momma didn't agree with me much. She handed me a toothbrush and said, "Here, scrub." So I did.

我早年哭過？不是我吹噓的。當(dāng)我五歲的時(shí)候，我覺得在房子外練習(xí)寫我的名字是個(gè)好主意。在房子外面。媽媽不太同意我的意見。她遞給我一把牙刷，說：“來，刷掉?！蔽艺兆隽?。

I'd sit at the dining room table for what seemed like an eternity. I didn't want to eat my vegetables. You probably know the feeling. I'd miss all my favorite shows and cry like crazy. Crying was always associated with something bad.

我坐在餐桌旁，好像坐了很久。我不想吃我的蔬菜。你可能知道那種感覺。我會錯過所有我最喜歡的節(jié)目，哭得像瘋了一樣。哭泣總是與不好的事情聯(lián)系在一起。

Fortunately, I grew up. I stopped writing on the walls, started eating my vegetables, and I entered the wonderful world of motherhood. And let me tell you, crying takes on a whole new meaning.

幸運(yùn)的是，我長大了。我不再在墻上寫字，我也開始吃蔬菜了，我進(jìn)入了母親的奇妙世界。讓我告訴你，哭泣有了全新的含義。

I was nine months pregnant and I was sitting on the couch, looking at the front door where my bags were packed, waiting for me, because I was hopeful that today would be the day.

那時(shí)我已經(jīng)懷孕九個(gè)月了，我坐在沙發(fā)上，看著前門，我的行李都打包好了，在那里等著我，因?yàn)槲覞M懷希望，希望今天就是那一天。

I settle in a little bit more, and I think to myself, "You know, we can put humans into space, but we can't seem to figure out when a baby will be born." And then I feel this pressure build up in my chest, my throat get really tight, and I just burst into tears.

我待了一會兒，我對自己說，“你知道，我們可以把人類送上太空，但我們似乎不知道嬰兒什么時(shí)候出生?！比缓笪矣X得胸口的壓力越來越大，喉嚨越來越緊，我突然哭了起來。

And you know what? I had no idea why. And not knowing why at the time, well, that just got me more upset, so I eventually was just upset for being upset. I took a deep breath -- (Inhales) and I let it out -- (Exhales) Thought that would help, but no, it didn't.

你知道嗎?我不知道為什么。當(dāng)時(shí)不知道為什么，這讓我更難過了，所以我最終只是因?yàn)殡y過而難過。我深吸一口氣——(吸氣)然后吐出來——(呼氣)以為這樣會有幫助，但沒有，沒有。

Then my brother walks in with his smirky grin and he says to me, "What's wrong with you?" I said, "Nothing, just leave me alone." And he did, he ran as fast as he could. And you know what I did when he left. I cried even harder. I was ashamed and embarrassed, just like when I was a kid.

然后我哥哥帶著笑容走進(jìn)來對我說，“你怎么了?”我說"沒事，別管我"他做到了，他跑得很快。你知道他走后我做了什么。我哭得更厲害了。我感到羞愧和尷尬，就像我小時(shí)候一樣。

Now lucky for me, I only had to look at that bag sitting by the front door for another nine days, right before my expected date of delivery. And finally, my body said it was time.

現(xiàn)在對我來說幸運(yùn)的是，我只需再看一眼放在前門的那個(gè)包，就在我預(yù)期的交貨日期前的九天。最后，我的身體說，是時(shí)候了。

And after 18 hours of feeling my body try to expel this little human that weighed about the size of a bowling ball, and hours of pushing so hard that I thought for sure this baby was stuck, within a heartbeat, my beautiful baby girl Jennifer entered the world.

經(jīng)過18個(gè)小時(shí)，我的身體試圖驅(qū)逐這個(gè)體重約保齡球大小的小人，經(jīng)過幾個(gè)小時(shí)的用力推，我以為這個(gè)孩子被卡住了，就在一瞬間，我美麗的女兒詹妮弗終于來到這個(gè)世界了。

And I looked at her, and she cried and then I just cried. All of that emotion and pressure that I had inside just seconds before was immediately replaced with the most joyous sense of relief that I had ever felt.

我看著她，她哭了，我也哭了。就在幾秒鐘前，我內(nèi)心所有的情緒和壓力都立刻被一種前所未有的快樂的解脫感所取代。

And after nine months of crying over these fears and anxieties and crazy out-of-control hormones, that was instantaneously transformed into the deepest, most heartfelt, happiest cry of my life. And I had no control. Those really hard tears, those happy tears, those overwhelming joyful tears, they had nowhere to go but out.

在為這些恐懼、焦慮和失控的荷爾蒙哭泣了九個(gè)月之后，這瞬間變成了我一生中最深、最真摯、最快樂的哭泣。我無法控制。那些真的很難的眼淚，那些快樂的眼淚，那些壓倒一切的快樂的眼淚，他們無處可去，只能流出來。

And it was those tears, that moment, that incredible high, that inspired me to birth three more little miracles and start to help others have their own. I became a childbirth educator, and I started a whole new relationship with tears.

正是那些眼淚，那一刻，那難以置信的興奮，激勵我再誕生三個(gè)小奇跡，開始幫助別人創(chuàng)造自己的奇跡。我成為了一名分娩教育者，在淚水中開始了一段全新的關(guān)系。

It was early in my 30 years of teaching, I had a class touch my heart like no other. The topic for the night -- emotions of pregnancy, go figure. And it was important for the class to first learn about the emotional changes and responses during pregnancy, and how when we cry, it can feel like the body's trying to push out that extra emotion, almost like it's processing what it can't hold inside.

早在我30年的教書生涯中，我就有一節(jié)課像其他課一樣觸動了我的心。今晚的主題——懷孕的情緒，好好想想。對全班學(xué)生來說，首先了解懷孕期間的情緒變化和反應(yīng)是很重要的，當(dāng)我們哭泣時(shí)，我們會感覺到身體試圖把多余的情緒推出去，就像是在處理內(nèi)心無法容納的東西。

Like an exhaust port for extreme feelings of sadness, joy or even relief after days, years of anticipation of that one magical moment. It can literally feel like your body is squeezing out all that emotion in the form of water coming from our eyes. Our tears.

就像一個(gè)排氣口，在數(shù)天、數(shù)年期待著那個(gè)神奇的時(shí)刻之后，它能釋放極度的悲傷、喜悅甚至是解脫。它可以感覺到你的身體正以水的形式從我們的眼睛里擠出所有的情感。我們的眼淚。

Now tears were always expected during my classes. Not mine this time, the new moms'. And this night in this class, it was way different. I had just finished talking about the emotional changes of pregnancy and I went in to talk about the couvade syndrome. Now the word "couvade" comes from a French term, "couver," which means "to brood," similar to birds protecting a nest.

在我上課的時(shí)候，人們總是期待著我流淚。不過這次不是我，而是那些新手媽媽們。而今晚在這堂課上，情況完全不同。我剛講完懷孕時(shí)的情緒變化，就去談庫瓦德綜合癥?，F(xiàn)在“couvade”這個(gè)詞來自法語術(shù)語“couver”，意思是“孵卵”，類似于鳥類保護(hù)巢穴。

Well, who better to protect this nest than the expecting mother's partner? Also called a sympathetic pregnancy, the couvade syndrome is a real-life phenomenon, where the non-pregnant partner can take on pregnancy characteristics like mood swings, loss of sleep, weight gain and for some, a really intense drive to do something new and unexpected, like buy a new sports car or start a new hobby like gourmet cooking. The class usually laughs a little bit after that and that's it. We end the night. But it didn't end there.

好吧，還有誰比準(zhǔn)媽媽的伴侶更適合保護(hù)這個(gè)巢穴呢？couvade綜合征也被稱為“交感懷孕”，是一種現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中的現(xiàn)象，在這種情況下，未懷孕的伴侶可能會表現(xiàn)出懷孕的特征，比如情緒波動、失眠、體重增加，對某些人來說，會有一種非常強(qiáng)烈的動力去做一些新的和意想不到的事情，比如買一輛新跑車或者開始一種新的愛好，比如美食烹飪。在那之后，全班通常都會笑一笑，就這樣。我們以此完美結(jié)束了這堂課。但事情并沒有到此為止。

When I finished my sentence, this big, burly father-to-be stands up, and I thought for sure he was leaving. But instead, in a really gruff, commanding way, he says, "Alright, you guys, how many of you have cried during this thing, you know, her pregnancy?"

當(dāng)我說完這句話時(shí)，這個(gè)高大魁梧的準(zhǔn)爸爸站了起來，我以為他肯定要走了。但相反，他用一種非常粗暴的、居高臨下的方式說，“好吧，伙計(jì)們，你們當(dāng)中有多少人在這件事上哭過，你們知道，她懷孕了嗎？”

I scan the class to make sure everybody was OK. They were fine, they were just very intent on what was going to happen next. And then, one gentleman raises his hand and says, "I have." And then another, and the stories just flowed. Even this really quiet gal -- she was the fiancee of one of the expecting moms -- she looks at her and she says, "See? I told you my crying was normal too."

然后，一位先生舉手說：“我有?！苯又质橇硪晃?，故事就這樣流傳了下來。即使是這個(gè)非常安靜的女孩——她是一個(gè)準(zhǔn)媽媽的未婚妻——她看著她說，“看到了嗎？我告訴過你，我哭也很正常?！?/p>

The class connected, they validated each other, and we all walked away with a new respect for the non-pregnant partners that night. For me, that solidified my passion to embrace those tears.

全班同學(xué)互相聯(lián)系，互相驗(yàn)證，那天晚上我們都帶著對沒有懷孕的伴侶新的尊重離開了。對我來說，那堅(jiān)定了我擁抱淚水的熱情。

Then, it got better. On the last night of that same six-week class, one of the expecting moms came up to me. She asked to talk to me privately, and I said of course, and we went into the corner. And she says, "I need to thank you for saving my relationship."

然后，情況好轉(zhuǎn)了。在同一節(jié)為期六周的課的最后一天晚上，一位準(zhǔn)媽媽走到我跟前。她要求和我私下談?wù)?，我說當(dāng)然可以，我們就走到角落里去了。她說：“我要感謝你挽救了我的感情。”

I let her go on, and she tells me that her husband was considering leaving her over her mood swings, out-of-control crying, and his turmoil and anger over this pregnancy. But he didn't leave. She went on to tell me that they realized now it's OK to cry. And he had told her that when he cries, he doesn't feel as angry. Wow! Not only did crying bring my class together, it kept that couple together.

我讓她繼續(xù)說，她告訴我，她的丈夫正考慮離開她，因?yàn)樗那榫w波動，失控的哭泣，以及他對這次懷孕的混亂和憤怒。但他沒有離開。她接著告訴我，他們意識到現(xiàn)在可以哭了。他告訴她，當(dāng)他哭的時(shí)候，他不會覺得那么生氣。哇！哭泣不僅使我的班級團(tuán)結(jié)在一起，也使那對夫婦團(tuán)結(jié)在一起。

And you know, his comment about anger was really, really intriguing to me, so I looked around, did some research, and sure enough, Dr. Oren Hasson, an evolutionary psychologist, he had some theories about when tears blur our vision, it really has the ability to, sometimes, reduce our ability to react to that anger.

你知道，他關(guān)于憤怒的評論真的、真的很吸引我，所以我環(huán)顧四周，做了一些研究，果然，進(jìn)化心理學(xué)家奧倫·哈森博士，他有一些理論，當(dāng)眼淚模糊我們的視線時(shí)，它確實(shí)有能力，有時(shí)，降低我們對憤怒的反應(yīng)能力。

But the tears weren't the anger. They were more like the release valve. And though many of us, we try to keep those tears inside, but letting them out really may be the better move. Keeping them inside can amplify our feelings of anger or sadness.

但眼淚不是憤怒。它們更像是釋放閥。盡管我們中的許多人都試圖把眼淚藏在心里，但讓它們流出來也許是更好的選擇。把它們放在里面會放大我們的憤怒或悲傷情緒。

And while we're releasing those tears, our hormones inside, they're on high alert, and we know this because of Dr. William Frey, a biochemist. He found that inside of our emotional tears -- not our everyday, like, yawning tears, but our emotional tears -- there's high concentrations of stress hormones and leucine enkephalins, which, easier on my tongue, is endorphins.

當(dāng)我們釋放眼淚的時(shí)候，我們體內(nèi)的荷爾蒙處于高度戒備狀態(tài)，我們知道這一點(diǎn)是因?yàn)樯锘瘜W(xué)家威廉·弗雷博士。他發(fā)現(xiàn)，在我們情緒化的眼淚里——不是我們每天打呵欠的眼淚，而是我們情緒化的眼淚——有高濃度的應(yīng)激激素和亮氨酸腦啡肽，我的舌頭更容易感受的是內(nèi)啡肽。

And while our stress hormones are helping our bodies out, our endorphins, those feel-good chemicals, they're helping to act as a pain reliever to boost our mood. Now who wouldn't want that?

當(dāng)我們的壓力荷爾蒙幫助我們的身體擺脫壓力時(shí)，我們的內(nèi)啡肽，這些感覺良好的化學(xué)物質(zhì)，它們作為止痛藥幫助改善我們的情緒?，F(xiàn)在誰不想這樣呢？

There are two triggers for the release of endorphins for most of us. Stress and pain. And for a woman giving birth, experiencing both stress and pain, endorphins, they are a gift. As the labor progresses, those endorphins will rise to help her with a potentially long labor. As a result, the mom is better able to cope, and she can feel more alert and almost euphoric after the birth.

對我們大多數(shù)人來說，內(nèi)啡肽的釋放有兩個(gè)誘因。壓力和痛苦。對于一個(gè)同時(shí)經(jīng)歷壓力和痛苦的產(chǎn)婦來說，內(nèi)啡肽是一種禮物。隨著分娩的進(jìn)行，這些內(nèi)啡肽將上升，幫助她度過可能的長時(shí)間分娩。因此，母親能夠更好地應(yīng)對，在生產(chǎn)后她可以感到更警覺和幾乎欣快。

Crying is just awesome. I wish there was a bigger word. Crying offers us an opportunity for physical relief, for intimacy between two individuals and ultimately, it promotes physical and mental well-being. And as an expression of our most intense interior human experiences, there is no need to be embarrassed, no need to be ashamed and no need to run away.

哭真是太棒了。我希望有一個(gè)更貼切的詞?？奁鼮槲覀兲峁┝艘粋€(gè)身體放松的機(jī)會，促進(jìn)兩個(gè)人之間的親密關(guān)系，最終，它甚至促進(jìn)了身心健康。作為我們內(nèi)心最強(qiáng)烈的人類體驗(yàn)的一種表達(dá)，沒有必要感到尷尬，沒有必要感到羞愧，也沒有必要逃跑。

We need to have a healthy relationship with crying and change the way we view tears. We see them as overwhelming and scary and confusing, when they're really beautiful, soothing and reassuring. They're not to be seen as some screeching alarm bell that something is wrong but rather a natural functionality of our amazing bodies.

我們需要與哭泣建立一種健康的關(guān)系，改變我們看待眼淚的方式。我們認(rèn)為它們勢不可當(dāng)、令人恐懼、令人困惑，但它們其實(shí)很美、令人寬慰、讓人安心。他們不應(yīng)該被視為是某種錯誤的警鐘，而是我們神奇的身體的一種自然功能。

Crying is as essential to me as breathing. And now, if I'm caught crying on that couch by my wonderful husband, who has had to learn way more about crying than he ever wanted to, he doesn't run away. He'll ask me why I'm crying, and I'll let him know I just need my release. He'll take my hand, and you know what I'll do? I will let it all out. And then I'm going to sink into that deep sense of intimacy and extraordinary sense of relief that only my tears can bring.Thank you.

哭泣對我來說就像呼吸一樣重要。而現(xiàn)在，如果我的好丈夫發(fā)現(xiàn)我在沙發(fā)上哭，他必須理解比他想的更多的哭，他不會逃跑。他會問我為什么哭，我會讓他知道我需要釋放。他會牽著我的手，你知道我會怎么做嗎？我會把一切都說出來的。然后我會沉入那種只有我的眼淚才能帶來的親密感和非凡的解脫感。謝謝。