How to Empower Yourself When You Feel Powerless and Helpless

在你感到無力無助的時候，如何鼓舞自己

Medically reviewed by?Scientific Advisory Board?—?Written by Margarita Tartakovsky, MS?on September 14, 2019

由科學顧問委員會醫(yī)學審查——由Margarita Tartakovsky，理科碩士，寫于2019年9月14日

Lately, you've been feeling powerless and helpless. Maybe you’ve experienced a devastating loss. Maybe you’re going through a difficult situation, and you feel stuck. Maybe there’s always been an undercurrent of?I just can’t do this. I can’t change my circumstances. This is just how it is (and maybe always will be).

你最近感到無力、無助，也許你經(jīng)歷了重大的損失，也許你正位于艱難的處境，也許你感到被困住了，也許，你的內(nèi)心總是有一種“我做不到”的暗流在涌動?！拔覠o法改變我的處境”?！斑@就是我的現(xiàn)實（并且可能永遠不會改變）”。

Thankfully, just because you feel powerless and helpless doesn’t mean you actually are. This happens because when we get scared, we get tunnel vision, said New York City psychologist?Lauren Appio, Ph.D. And it becomes “hard for us to take a step back and review our options because in this state of mind, we don’t feel we have any.”

幸運的是，僅僅因為你覺得無力、無助并不意味著你真的如此。我們有這種感覺是因為當我們害怕的時候，我們的視野就會變得狹窄，紐約心理學家 Lauren Appio 博士說道。并且“我們難以后退一步來審視我們的選項，因為當我們處于這種精神狀態(tài)下時，我們覺得自己沒有任何選擇?！?/p>

Or, if we start considering options, we zero in on the potential threats, she said. We fear we’ll make the wrong decision, and feel deep regret.

或者，當我們開始考慮選項的時候，我們會放大潛在的威脅，她說。我們懼怕自己會做出錯誤的決定，并感到深切的悔恨。

Sometimes, people feel powerless and helpless because they’ve been regularly invalidated or treated as incompetent—and “it can be incredibly challenging to know how much power and influence you actually have in your life.”

有時，人們感到無力、無助，是因為他們常常被否定或被視為無能——并且“了解自己對于生活有多大的力量和影響是一件非常具有挑戰(zhàn)性的事?！?/p>

While therapy is one of the best ways to work through these kinds of issues, especially if they’ve been going on for years, there are also actionable, relatively small steps you can take. Below, therapists shared their expert tips.

盡管心理療法，尤其對于那些持續(xù)多年的問題而言，是應(yīng)對這類問題最有效的的方法之一，你仍然可以自己采取一些可行的、相對較小的步驟。下面，治療師們分享了他們的專業(yè)建議。

Identify your strengths and skills.?Everyone has different natural talents and abilities they’ve honed throughout the years. To discover yours, Appio suggested examining the times you’ve felt empowered and effectively took action: How did I feel in my body when I felt empowered? What thoughts crossed my mind? What actions did I take? What supports did I have? What worked well? Once you know what your specific abilities and talents are, you can use them to help with your current situation, she said.

識別你的強項與技能。每個人都有不同的天然才干和他們多年間磨練得來的能力。為了發(fā)現(xiàn)你的那些，Appio建議審視那些你感到被鼓舞并采取了行動的時刻：在我受鼓舞時，我的身體有什么感覺？什么樣的想法從我的大腦閃過？我采取了什么樣的行動？我得到了什么樣的支持？什么是有效的？一旦你知道了自己獨特的能力和才干是什么，你就能夠利用它們來幫助應(yīng)付你現(xiàn)在的處境，她說。

Practice creative visualization.?Our thinking creates our feelings, so in order to change our feelings, we need to change our thinking first, said?Christy Monson,?MFT, a retired psychotherapist and author of the book?Finding Peace in Times of Tragedy.

練習創(chuàng)造性想象。我們的想法創(chuàng)造了我們的感受，所以為了改變我們的感受，我們需要首先改變我們的想法，Christy Monson說道。她是一位退休的家庭與婚姻治療師，著有《于痛苦時尋求平靜》一書。

Creative visualization—which is simply “daydreaming with a purpose”—helps to create a calm, healing inner world, and to connect to your inner wisdom, she said. For instance, a woman who’d lost her husband felt helpless and was having a hard time focusing on daily tasks. Every day she started visualizing herself discussing her feelings and the tasks she needed to do that day with her late husband. As Monson noted, they’d been married long enough so she knew how he’d respond. She was “able to continue life with him by her side in this visualization process.”

創(chuàng)造性想象——說白了就是有目的地做白日夢——有助于創(chuàng)造一個平靜的、治愈的內(nèi)心世界，并與內(nèi)部智慧相連接，她說。例如，一個失去了丈夫的婦女感到無助，很難集中精力處理日常事務(wù)。她每天一開始都想象自己和已故的丈夫討論她的感受和她當天需要做的事情。正如Monson特別提到的那樣，他們已經(jīng)結(jié)婚足夠久了，她已經(jīng)知道他會如何答復(fù)，所以她才“能夠在這個想象的過程中繼續(xù)和他在一起生活。”

To practice this technique on your own, Monson suggested the below to connect to your inner child:

為了幫助你獨自練習這個技巧，Monson提出以下建議來幫助你與內(nèi)心的孩子建立聯(lián)系：

• Sit quietly and?comfortably. Notice your hands and feet, and the chair you’re sitting in. ? ? ?Observe the light around you.

?????安靜、舒適地坐著，關(guān)注你的手、腳、和你正坐著的椅子，觀察你身邊的光。

• Inhale through your nose?slowly, counting your breath, and exhale slowly.

??????緩緩?fù)ㄟ^你的鼻子吸氣，計數(shù)，并慢慢呼吸。

• Close your eyes, and?picture a flight of stairs.

??????閉上眼睛，想象一段樓梯。

• Climb the stairs, and count each step until you get to 10. Pay attention to the stairs’ details (which can look however you’d like).

??????爬樓梯，每走一個臺階都計數(shù)，直到第十個臺階。爬樓梯的時候集中注意力關(guān)注樓梯的細節(jié)（可以是你喜歡的任何樣子）。

• Picture a beautiful space at the top of the stairs (which might be anything from a mountain to?the beach to a park).

??????在樓梯的頂上想象一個美麗的空間（可以是山峰、沙灘、公園或者任何場景）。

• Look around this beautiful place, and find the little girl or boy you were and get ? ? ?acquainted with him or her. What does she want? How can you protect him?

??????環(huán)顧這個美麗的場景，找到那個年幼的自己并且與自己結(jié)識。他需要什么？你怎樣才能保護他？

• Fill this scene with anything?you’d like, and use all your senses to fully experience it. Savor the?light around you, and “feel her [or him] healing in this place.”

??????用任何你喜歡的事物填充這個場景，并動用你所有的感官充分地體會它。盡情享受你身邊的光芒，并且“感到自己在這里療傷”。

• After caring for your?inner child, care for yourself.

??????在照顧了內(nèi)心的孩子之后，照顧你自己。

• Find your inner wise?mentor, if you’d like, and discuss your concerns.

??????找到你內(nèi)心的聰慧導(dǎo)師，如果你愿意的話，和他討論你的擔憂。

• When you’re finished,?use the stairs to return.

??????結(jié)束的時候，用那個樓梯回來。

• Give thanks for the?beautiful place and the wonderful person you are.

??????感激那個美麗的場景，感謝那個美好的自己。

Address your thoughts.?Another way to work with your thoughts is to pay close attention to how they lead to feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness. For instance, maybe you start magnifying the negative, and not even thinking about the positive aspects of a situation. Maybe you start thinking catastrophic thoughts:?What if I fail? What if everything goes wrong? What if it’s a complete disaster (like it always is)?

應(yīng)對你的想法。另一個處理你的想法的方式是密切關(guān)注它們是如何導(dǎo)致無助感和無力感的。比如，也許你開始夸大事情消極的一面，甚至不去考慮積極的一面。也許你開始思考災(zāi)難性的念頭：萬一我失敗了怎么辦？萬一所有事情都出差錯了怎么辦？萬一這是一場徹底的災(zāi)難怎么辦（就和往常一樣）？

California-based psychotherapist?Stefany D. Fuentes, LMFT, regularly has her clients review a list of cognitive distortions and identify whether each one sits?hot, warm,?or?cold.?Then she asks clients to challenge each distortion by exploring these questions: “What is the evidence that this thought is true? Is there an alternative explanation? What’s the worst thing that can happen? Has this situation unreasonably grown in importance? Am I worrying excessively about this?”

加州的婚姻與家庭治療師Stefany D. Fuentes定期讓她的客戶檢閱一份認知扭曲的清單，并識別每一個究竟是“熱的、暖的、還是冷的”。然后她要求客戶通過探索以下的問題來挑戰(zhàn)這些扭曲的認知：“有什么證據(jù)證明這種想法是正確的？是否有其他的解釋？最壞的結(jié)果是什么？這個扭曲是否莫名其妙變得越來越重要？我是否過于擔心這件事了？”

Take the first smallest step possible.?We can quickly feel helpless and powerless when taking action feels overwhelming. This is why it’s vital to break it down, and as Appio said, “way?down.” Make it so small, simple, and doable that it’s easy to take action.

第一步要盡可能的小。在采取行動感覺壓力山大時，我們會很快感到無助、無力。所以把步伐拆分開是至關(guān)重要的，正如Appio說的那樣，“拆分到非常非常小”。把它變得如此小巧、簡單與可行，以至于采取行動是非常簡單的。

For instance, Appio’s clients often need to feel empowered when speaking up for themselves (and their needs) with others. A small, simple, and totally doable step would be to notice you have a preference or need, and then name it for yourself, she said. Another small, simple, and totally doable step would be “expressing your preferences in lower-risk contexts, like offering your opinion about a movie you saw recently or where you’d to go for dinner.”

例如，Appio的客戶常常需要感到被鼓舞，才能在向他人為自己發(fā)聲（或表達他的需要）。一個小巧、簡單且完全可行的步驟是注意到你有一個偏好或需要，并且向自己說出這個偏好或需要，她說。另一個小巧、簡單且完全可行的步驟是“在一個低風險的情境下表達你的偏好，比如提出自己關(guān)于一個近期看過的電影的觀點，或者說出你想去哪里吃晚飯。”

Consider this question.?When we feel powerless, we often criticize and shame ourselves for past mistakes or bad decisions. Instead, try to refocus on solutions. Monson suggested contemplating this question: What will I do differently next time? Channel any regret or anger you’re holding onto into exploring creative, effective solutions for that next time.

考慮這個問題。當我們感到無力的時候，我們經(jīng)常為過去的錯誤、糟糕的決定而批判和羞辱自己。相反，我們要把注意力重新集中在解決方案上。Monson建議我們深思：下一次我會有什么不同的做法？把你的任何遺憾、憤怒轉(zhuǎn)移到尋求創(chuàng)造性的、有效的解決方案上去。

Spotlight your why.?Consider the deeper why of what you’re doing. That is, if you need to make a specific change, pinpoint the reason you’re taking action. Appio suggested considering: Why am I making this change? Why now? What will happen if I don’t make it? Then “stay connected to what makes the time and effort worth it for you.”

聚焦于你的原因。思考你做事的深層次的原因，也就是說，如果你需要做出特定的改變，你要精確地找到采取行動的原因。Appio建議思考：我為什么要做出這個改變？為什么是現(xiàn)在？如果我不做出改變會發(fā)生什么？然后“不要忘記是什么使你投入的時間和努力有價值。”

When you’re feeling powerless and helpless, and thinking similar thoughts, remember that this isn’t the truth. Remember that this is your fear talking (or years of ridiculous statements you’ve heard). Remember that you can take action—no matter how small a step might seem. Everything counts.

當你感到無力、無助，或有類似想法的時候，記住這些想法、感覺不是真實的。要記住這是你自己的恐懼在說話（或者是多年來你聽到的荒謬的言論）。要記住你可以采取行動——無論這個行動看起來多么得小，任何行動都是有重要意義的。

Remember that you can always reach out for help—whether that’s a loved one, a support group, or a therapist. This doesn’t make you weak. It makes you smart.

記住你永遠可以尋求別人的幫助——不論是你愛的人，一個支持小組，還是治療師。尋求幫助并不意味著你是弱小的，尋求幫助意味著你是明智的。

Remember that the way to effectively navigate difficult situations is simply to practice and grow your skills. And you can absolutely do that. You’ve likely done it before.

記住有效應(yīng)對困難處境的方法僅僅是練習和增進你的技能，并且你絕對可以做得到，你很可能之前已經(jīng)做到了。

Last medically reviewed on September 14, 2019

本文于2019年9月14日進行了最后一次醫(yī)學審查。

原文地址：https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-empower-yourself-when-you-feel-powerless-and-helpless#1