Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Parents today are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

破題構(gòu)思：

可以拆分不同方面來看待這個問題：家長角度，孩子角度，學(xué)校/社會角度

A：

第一，家長更有時間，更懂，更重視；

第二，孩子面臨的挑戰(zhàn)更多，學(xué)習(xí)難度更大，需要家長幫助；

第三，學(xué)校要求家長多參與；

D：

第一，家長更忙，競爭更激烈；

第二，孩子不需要，很多渠道可以獲得幫助；

第三：學(xué)校很多任務(wù)需要團隊或者個人獨立完成，家長沒法參與。

以上這些都可以結(jié)合自己或者身邊同學(xué)的實際情況來說。比如誰誰就是這樣，誰誰的家長就是這樣。

批改：

Today, many people think that parents are more involved in their children' s education. I, however, disagree with this idea. (20w)

First, parents are concentrate less on their children' s education because parents work busier now.[more busily]?Since there are more people competing today, children' s parents need to spend more time working so that they can avoid being surpassed by other employees. As a result, parents will not have enough time to concentrate on their children' s study.【這句話跟主題句重復(fù)了，可以把主題句直接簡化為First, parents are more busy than the past.】?For example, Toby works in a company and his job is to pack up 100 commodities a day. However, some new comers recently enter Toby' s company and they are so strong that each of them can pack up 200 commodities a day. As a result, Toby must stay in his company during his Spring festival holiday to pack up more commodities so that he can get the same amount of salary in the past due to the severe working competition Toby faced. The result is that Toby has no time to check his son' s math homework and teach him how to cook. (161w) 【例子比重偏大，最后才切到孩子，前面敘述過多。可以在時間上展開。比如每周只有兩個小時在家，陪孩子的時間只有更少?！?/p>

Second, parents are no longer more involved in their children' s education because there is no need to do this. 【建議同上，直接給原因，不用重復(fù)前半句：it is not necessary for parents to ...】Along with more modern technology being created, children can use their phones and computers to get knowledge by themselves. Thus, parents do not need to involve more in their children' s study. 【這里又是一樣，又來了一遍。盡量避免重復(fù)?！縏ake an instance of Toby' s son Mike again. Since Mike really wants to learn cooking noodles and his dad is working at the company, he downloads a cooking app on his phone and he finds that there are many videos teaching cooking delicious food, like dumplings and Italian noodles. The most important thing is that there is always a cook in one video interpreting steps toward making a dish of Italian noodles: first put some Italian source, then add some water, finally add some needles...【步驟就沒必要了，有湊字?jǐn)?shù)之嫌?！縀ach step is illustrated very clear, so Mike learned it very successfully, despite the absence of Toby' s teaching. (156w) 【這個例子不錯】

All in all, parents today involve less in their children' s education. That is because parents are too busy and students can get know. (24w)

361w

二稿：

Today, many?people think that parents are more involved in their children' s education. I, however, disagree with this idea.?

First, parents?are busier than the past. Since there are more people competing today, children' s parents need to spend more time working so that they can avoid being surpassed by other employees. 【考慮到后面的例子，這里的論證如果可以加上“因此會導(dǎo)致陪伴孩子的時間減少”就更充分了】For example,?Toby usually ?had?【這里used to have 更好】 4 hours to spend accompanying his son Mike on weekends. During this time, Toby would check Mike’?s entire math homework, ask him to recite some poetry and taught 【teach】 him how to cook. However, recently some new employees who can work more efficiently come 【came】 into Toby’?s company, which means that Toby needs to give up some of his spare time on weekends to work in the office. 【這一句的內(nèi)在因果關(guān)系很弱，如果加上“防止自己被取代”的信息就好】Now, Toby only has 2 hours spending on Mike’?s education, and he can only check few pages of Mike’?s math exercises.

Second, there is no need?for parents to involve【be involved 或 get involved 或者 involve themselves】 in children’?s education. Along with more modern technology being created,【with引導(dǎo)獨立主格就可以了】 children can use their phones and computers to get knowledge by themselves. 【再完善一下論證，還是不夠飽滿。但是我也沒想好這里怎么加。?？梢詤⒖甲铋_始的破題構(gòu)思部分】Take an instance of Toby' s son Mike again. Since Mike really wants to learn cooking noodles and his dad is working at the company, he downloads a cooking app on his phone and he finds that there are many videos teaching cooking delicious food, like dumplings and Italian noodles. The most important thing is that there is always a cook in one video interpreting steps toward making a dish of Italian noodles. 【為什么這是最重要的事情沒有解釋~不要亂用句式】?Each step is illustrated very clear, so Mike learned【那要是learned的哈，前面也就統(tǒng)一用過去式吧。】 it very successfully, despite the absence of Toby' s teaching.

All in all, parents today involve less in their children' s education. That is because parents are too busy and students can get knowledge on their own.

305w

二稿字?jǐn)?shù)太少了。建議多寫一個主體段。