激情丨PASSION （下）
星期天上午，等莫里把格雷斯帶到湖濱這邊來時(shí)，火雞已經(jīng)在烤爐里烤上了。因?yàn)橛行⌒『ⅲ聿偷迷缧╅_，大約在五點(diǎn)鐘吧。餡餅已擺放在廚房的料理臺(tái)上了——南瓜餡的、蘋果餡的、藍(lán)莓餡的都有。主廚的是格蕾琴，她在廚房里的動(dòng)作靈活協(xié)調(diào)得跟個(gè)運(yùn)動(dòng)員似的。特拉弗斯太太坐在廚房桌子旁，和格蕾琴的小女兒達(dá)娜一起玩拼圖游戲。
By the time Maury brought Grace down to the lake on Sunday morning, the turkey was already in the oven. Because of the children, dinner would be early, around five o’clock. The pies were on the kitchen counter—pumpkin, apple, wild blueberry. Gretchen was in charge of the kitchen—as coordinated a cook as she was an athlete. Mrs. Travers sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and working at a jigsaw puzzle with Gretchen’s younger daughter, Dana.
“啊，格雷斯。”她喊道，一邊跳起身來要跟格雷斯擁抱——她這樣做還是第一次——由于動(dòng)作不靈活，她的一只手弄亂了拼裝的小木片。
“Ah, Grace,” she said, jumping up for an embrace—the first time she had ever done this—and with a clumsy motion of her hand scattering the jigsaw pieces.
達(dá)娜不高興了?！巴馄拧！彼蘅迖\嘰地喊道，然后一直在邊上挑剔性地瞧著她的姐姐詹妮去把小木片收集攏來。
Dana wailed, “Grandma,” and her older sister, Janey, who had been watching critically, scooped up the pieces.
“可以重新擺好的嘛，”詹妮說，“外婆也不是存心想弄亂的?！?/strong>
“We can put them back together,” she said. “Grandma didn’t mean to.”
“越橘沙司你放哪兒了？”格蕾琴問。
“Where do you keep the cranberry sauce?” said Gretchen.
“在食品柜里?！碧乩ニ固f，仍然緊捏著格雷斯的胳臂，也沒有去管弄亂了的游戲。
“In the cupboard,” said Mrs. Travers, still squeezing Grace’s arms and ignoring the destroyed puzzle.
“食品柜里的哪兒呀？”
“Where in the cupboard?”
“哦。越橘沙司呀，”特拉弗斯太太說，“呃——我自己做的。我先讓越橘浸入少量的水，然后在文火上慢慢加熱——不，我想是先用水把它們泡透了——”
“Oh. Cranberry sauce,” Mrs. Travers said. “Well—I make it. First I put the cranberries in a little water. Then I keep it on low heat—no, I think I soak them first—”
“唉，我沒時(shí)間聽你從頭說起了，”格蕾琴說，“你的意思是說你根本沒有沙司罐頭？”
“Well, I haven’t got time for all that,” Gretchen said. “You mean you don’t have any canned?”
“我想是沒有。我一定是沒有的，因?yàn)槲沂亲约鹤龅?。?/strong>
“I guess not. I must not have, because I make it.”
“那我得派誰去買幾罐來了?！?/strong>
“I’ll have to send somebody to get some.”
“你要不要去問問伍茲太太她那兒有沒有？”
“Maybe you could ask Mrs. Woods?”
“不了。我都沒怎么跟她說過話。我沒這個(gè)心思。得讓誰往商店跑一趟?！?/strong>
“No. I’ve hardly even spoken to her. I haven’t got the nerve. Somebody’ll have to go to the store.”
“親愛的——現(xiàn)在是感恩節(jié)，”特拉弗斯太太柔聲柔氣地說道，“哪家鋪?zhàn)佣疾粫?huì)開門的?！?/strong>
“Dear—it’s Thanksgiving,” said Mrs. Travers gently. “Nowhere will be open.”
“順著公路下去的那家，任何日子都是營業(yè)的?！备窭偾俚穆曇糇兊庙懫饋砹?，“沃特在哪兒？”
“That place down the highway, it’s always open.” Gretchen raised her voice. “Where’s Wat?”
“他下湖劃船去了?！泵肪S斯從后臥室里喊道。她讓自己的聲音里帶有一些警告的意思，因?yàn)樗诤逅男殞毴胨八衙谆矌洗??！?/strong>
“He’s out in the rowboat,” called Mavis from the back bedroom. She made it sound like a warning, because she was trying to get her baby to sleep. “He took Mikey out in the boat.”
梅維斯是駕自己的車帶了米基和小寶寶來的。尼爾得稍晚一些才來——他有幾個(gè)電話要打。
Mavis had driven over in her own car with Mikey and the baby. Neil was coming later—he had some phone calls to make.
而特拉弗斯先生又是打高爾夫球去了。
And Mr. Travers had gone golfing.
“我只是想讓誰去商店跑一趟。”格蕾琴說。她等著，可是后臥室那邊沒有傳來愿意幫忙的回應(yīng)。她朝格雷斯揚(yáng)了揚(yáng)眉毛。
“It’s just that I need somebody to go to the store,” Gretchen said. She waited, but no offer came from the bedroom. She raised her eyebrows at Grace.
“你不會(huì)開車吧，你能開嗎？”
“You can’t drive, can you?”
格雷斯說她不會(huì)。
Grace said no.
特拉弗斯太太朝四下里看了看，找她的那把椅子，在她坐下來之后，便舒心地嘆了一口氣。
Mrs. Travers looked around to see where her chair was, and sat down, with a grateful sigh.
“對了，”格蕾琴說，“莫里能開車。莫里在哪兒呢？”
“Well,” said Gretchen. “Maury can drive. Where’s Maury?”
莫里在前臥室里找他的游泳褲，雖然每一個(gè)人都告訴他水太冷，不宜游泳。他也說商店不會(huì)開門的。
Maury was in the front bedroom looking for his swimming trunks, though everybody had told him that the water would be too cold for swimming. He said the store would not be open.
“會(huì)開的，”格蕾琴說，“他們賣汽油。就算那一家不開，快到珀斯那里還有一家，知道吧，就是賣蛋卷冰激凌的那家——”
“It will be,” said Gretchen. “They sell gas. And if it isn’t there’s that one just coming into Perth, you know, with the ice-cream cones—”
莫里想讓格雷斯和他一起去，可是那兩個(gè)小姑娘，詹妮和達(dá)娜，正拉著她一塊兒去看外公在屋子旁邊挪威楓樹上安裝的那架秋千。
Maury wanted Grace to come with him, but the two little girls, Janey and Dana, were pulling her to come with them to see the swing their grandfather had put up under the Norway maple at the side of the house.
在走下臺(tái)階時(shí)，格雷斯發(fā)覺她一只涼鞋的帶子斷了。她干脆把兩只鞋子都脫了——在沙土地上走得挺愜意的，那里長有小草的地壓得挺瓷實(shí)，上面還落了一層干枯起卷的葉子。
Going down the steps, she felt the strap of one of her sandals break. She took both shoes off and walked without difficulty on the sandy soil, the flat-pressed plantain, and the many curled leaves that had already fallen.
她先推兩個(gè)坐上了秋千的孩子，接著又由她們來推她。在她光著腳從那上面跳下來時(shí)，一條腿蜷了起來，她疼得“哎喲”了一聲，不知道什么地方出了毛病。
First she pushed the children in the swing, then they pushed her. It was when she jumped off, barefoot, that one leg crumpled and she let out a yelp of pain, not knowing what had happened.
不是腿的事，是她的腳。疼痛是從她左腳底部那里發(fā)出來的，那兒讓蛤殼鋒利的側(cè)邊劃破了。
It was her foot, not her leg. The pain had shot up from the sole of her left foot, which had been cut by the sharp edge of a clamshell.
“蛤殼是達(dá)娜找來的，”詹妮說，“她要給她的蝸牛搭一所小房子?！?/strong>
“Dana brought those shells,” Janey said. “She was going to make a house for her snail.”
“蝸牛跑掉了?！边_(dá)娜說。
“He got away,” said Dana.
格蕾琴、特拉弗斯太太，甚至是梅維斯都匆匆跑出了屋子，以為叫疼的是哪個(gè)孩子。
Gretchen and Mrs. Travers and even Mavis had come hurrying out of the house, thinking the cry came from one of the children.
“她的腳流血了，”達(dá)娜說，“都流了一地。”
“She’s got a bloody foot,” said Dana. “There’s blood all over the ground.”
詹妮說：“她是讓貝殼劃傷的。貝殼是達(dá)娜撿來的，她想給伊凡蓋座房子。伊凡是她的蝸牛?！?/strong>
Janey said, “She cut it on a shell. Dana left those shells here, she was going to build a house for Ivan. Ivan her snail.”
于是有人端來了一盆水，用水沖干凈傷口，毛巾也拿來了，大家七嘴八舌地問傷得厲害不厲害。
Then there was a basin brought out, water to wash the cut, a towel, and everyone was asking how much it hurt.
“還行吧?！备窭姿拐f，一瘸一拐地走向臺(tái)階，兩個(gè)小姑娘爭著要攙扶她，結(jié)果卻絆住了她，真是越幫越忙。
“Not too bad,” said Grace, limping to the steps, with both little girls competing to hold her up and generally getting in her way.
“哎呀，挺嚴(yán)重的，”格蕾琴說，“不過你怎么不穿鞋呢？”
“Oh, that’s nasty,” Gretchen said. “But why weren’t you wearing your shoes?”
“她的鞋帶斷了，”達(dá)娜和詹妮異口同聲地說，就在此時(shí)，一輛酒紅色的敞篷汽車幾乎不出聲音地拐進(jìn)停車空地。
“Broke her strap,” said Dana and Janey together, as a wine-colored convertible, making very little sound, swerved neatly round in the parking space.
“喲，這真是不能再巧了，”特拉弗斯太太說，“來的正好是我們所需要的人。一位大夫。”
“Now, that is what I call opportune,” said Mrs. Travers. “Here ’s the very man we need. The doctor.”
這就是尼爾，格雷斯還是頭一次見到他。他高高瘦瘦的，動(dòng)作很靈活。
This was Neil, the first time Grace had ever seen him. He was tall, spare, quick-moving.
“你的藥箱呢，”特拉弗斯太太開心地喊起來，“已經(jīng)有一個(gè)病人在等你了?！?/strong>
“Your bag,” cried Mrs. Travers gaily. “We’ve already got a case for you.”
“你那輛車挺不錯(cuò)呀，”格蕾琴說，“新買的？”
“Nice piece of junk you’ve got there,” said Gretchen. “New?”
尼爾說：“華而不實(shí)罷了?！?/strong>
Neil said, “Piece of folly.”
“小寶寶這會(huì)兒肯定醒了?！泵肪S斯像是發(fā)著無名火似的，一扭身便朝屋子走回去。
“Now the baby’s wakened.” Mavis gave a sigh of unspecific accusation and she went back into the house.
詹妮一本正經(jīng)地說：“你一來氣兒，便會(huì)說小寶寶要醒了。”
Janey said severely, “You can’t do anything without that baby waking up.”
“你給我閉上嘴?！备窭偾僬f。
“You better be quiet,” said Gretchen.
“可別告訴我們你沒有帶藥箱喲。”特拉弗斯太太說。不過尼爾倒是手一揮，從后備廂里把只藥箱提了出來，于是她又說：“啊，你帶了的，那太好了，總是要以防萬一的呀?！?/strong>
“Don’t tell me you haven’t got it with you,” said Mrs. Travers. But Neil swung a doctor’s bag out of the backseat, and she said, “Oh, yes you have, that’s good, you never know.”
“你就是那病人？”尼爾向達(dá)娜說，“怎么回事？咽下了一只癩蛤??？”
“You the patient?” Neil said to Dana. “What’s the matter? Swallow a toad?”
“是她，”達(dá)娜很要面子地說，“是格雷斯。”
“It’s her,” said Dana with dignity. “It’s Grace.”
“我明白了。她吞了一只癩蛤蟆。”
“I see. She swallowed the toad.”
“她劃破腳了。血流呀流，流呀流?！?/strong>
“She cut her foot. It’s bleeding and bleeding.”
“是讓蛤殼劃的?！闭材菡f。
“On a clamshell,” said Janey.
這時(shí)尼爾對那兩個(gè)外甥女說了聲“閃開點(diǎn)兒”，就在比格雷斯低一級(jí)的臺(tái)階上坐下，他輕輕抬起她的一只腳，說：“把那塊布還是什么的遞給我?！苯酉氯ケ阈⌒囊硪淼匚蓛粞脵z查傷口。他現(xiàn)在離她那么近，格雷斯便聞出了她在小旅館干了一夏季活兒學(xué)會(huì)辨別的氣味——帶點(diǎn)薄荷味兒的酒精氣味。
Now Neil said “Move over” to his nieces, and sat on the step below Grace, and carefully lifted the foot and said, “Give me that cloth or whatever,” then carefully blotted away the blood to get a look at the cut. Now that he was so close to her, Grace noticed a smell she had learned to identify this summer working at the inn—the smell of liquor edged with mint.
“一點(diǎn)兒不錯(cuò)，”他說，“血流個(gè)不停。洗干凈了，這做得挺好。疼吧？”
“It sure is,” he said. “It’s bleeding and bleeding. That’s a good thing, clean it out. Hurts?”
格雷斯說：“有點(diǎn)兒?！?/strong>
Grace said, “Some.”
他探索性地正視她的臉，雖然那只是迅速的一瞥。也許是在探究她有沒有聞出那股氣味，她又會(huì)作何感想。
He looked searchingly, though briefly, into her face. Perhaps wondering if she had caught the smell, and what she thought about it.
“肯定是疼得不輕。瞧見搭下來的那塊皮了嗎？我們還得探到那底下去，確定沒受到污染，然后在上面縫上幾針。我這兒有些藥，抹上后你就不會(huì)覺得太疼了?！彼痤^看著格蕾琴，“嘿。把這些觀眾弄開去好不好。”
“I bet. See that flap? We have to get under there and make sure it’s clean, then I’ll put a stitch or two in it. I’ve got some stuff I can rub on so that won’t hurt as bad as you might think.” He looked up at Gretchen. “Hey. Let’s get the audience out of the way here.”
直到此時(shí)他還沒有跟他母親說過一句話呢，而她卻還在不斷地說他來得倒真是時(shí)候。
He had not spoken a word, as yet, to his mother, who now repeated that it was such a good thing that he had come along just when he did.
“時(shí)刻準(zhǔn)備著。”他說，“童子軍不是經(jīng)常這么說的嗎？”
“Boy Scout,” he said. “Always at the ready.”
他的手很穩(wěn)，一點(diǎn)不像喝醉的樣子，他的眼神也一點(diǎn)兒不像。他也不像他跟孩子們說話時(shí)想裝出的那副快樂叔叔的模樣，或是想在格雷斯面前充當(dāng)?shù)?、安慰話說得比唱得都好聽的大哥哥的角色。他那蒼白的腦門高高的，有一頭密密實(shí)實(shí)的灰黑鬈發(fā)，灰色眼睛挺亮，大嘴巴的嘴唇皮薄薄的，一扭曲時(shí)，便顯出一副挺不耐煩、消化不良或是挺痛苦的模樣。
His hands didn’t feel drunk, and his eyes didn’t look it. Neither did he look like the jolly uncle he had impersonated when he talked to the children, or the purveyor of reassuring patter he had chosen to be with Grace. He had a high pale forehead, a crest of tight curly gray-black hair, bright gray eyes, a wide thin-lipped mouth that seemed to curl in on some vigorous impatience, or appetite, or pain.
就在臺(tái)階上把傷口包扎好了之后——這時(shí)格蕾琴已經(jīng)回進(jìn)廚房，把孩子們也一并帶走了，可是特拉弗斯太太仍然沒有走，她仔細(xì)地觀察著，嘴唇抿得緊緊的，似乎要保證她是不會(huì)插一句嘴打擾他們似的——尼爾說他認(rèn)為最好還是把格雷斯帶到鎮(zhèn)上的醫(yī)院去。
When the cut had been bandaged, out on the steps— Gretchen having gone back to the kitchen and made the children come with her, but Mrs. Travers remaining, watching intently, with her lips pressed together as if promising that she would not make any interruptions—Neil said that he thought it would be a good idea to run Grace into town, to the hospital.
“要打一支破傷風(fēng)針。”
“For an anti-tetanus shot.”
“不至于這么嚴(yán)重吧。”格雷斯說。
“It doesn’t feel too bad,” said Grace.
尼爾說：“關(guān)鍵不在這兒?！?/strong>
Neil said, “That’s not the point.”
“我看還是去的好，”特拉弗斯太太說，“真得了破傷風(fēng)——那可不是鬧著玩的?！?/strong>
“I agree,” said Mrs. Travers. “Tetanus—that’s terrible.”
“用不了多長時(shí)間的，”他說，“好嗎，格雷斯？格雷斯，讓我扶你上車?！彼麚沃囊恢桓觳?。她穿上那只沒壞的涼鞋，把受傷那只腳的腳趾套在另一只鞋子里，以便拖著腳往前走?？噹Т虻眉日R又緊密。
“We shouldn’t be long,” he said. “Here. Grace? Grace, I’ll get you to the car.” He held her under one arm. She had strapped on the one sandal, and managed to get her toes into the other so that she could drag it along. The bandage was very neat and tight.
“我一會(huì)兒就回來，”他說，這時(shí)她已經(jīng)在座位上坐好了，“跟大家說一聲抱歉?！?/strong>
“I’ll just run in,” he said, when she was sitting in the car. “Make my apologies.”
向格蕾琴嗎？是向梅維斯吧。
To Gretchen? To Mavis.
特拉弗斯太太從游廊上走下來，臉上一副迷迷蒙蒙很熱情的樣子，那在她身上顯得很自然，而且真的很真誠，尤其是在今天。她把手按在車門上。
Mrs. Travers came down from the verandah, wearing the look of hazy enthusiasm that seemed natural to her, and indeed irrepressible, on this day. She put her hand on the car door.
“這很好，”她說，“這太好了。格雷斯，你簡直是上天派下來的。你會(huì)注意不讓他今天喝酒的，對吧？你當(dāng)然是知道應(yīng)該怎么做的。”
“This is good,” she said. “This is very good. Grace, you are a godsend. You’ll try to keep him away from drinking today, won’t you? You’ll know how to do it.”
格雷斯聽著這些話，卻幾乎沒有用心去想上一想。特拉弗斯太太身上所起的變化使她感到非常不安，她的軀體顯得比以前笨重了，所有的動(dòng)作也變得僵滯了，表現(xiàn)出的慈愛似乎很偶然很沖動(dòng)，眼角透露出一種帶淚的微笑。她嘴角那里像是沾了一層稀薄的殼，有點(diǎn)像是糖漿造成的。
Grace heard these words, but gave them hardly any thought. She was too dismayed by the change in Mrs. Travers, by what looked like an increase in bulk, a stiffness in all her movements, a random and rather frantic air of benevolence, a weepy gladness leaking out of her eyes. And a faint crust showing at the corners of her mouth, like sugar.
醫(yī)院是在三英里外的卡爾頓屯。鐵路上方有一條高架路，他們開在那條路上速度快得驚人，格雷斯覺得開得最快時(shí)，車子真的是離開了路面，他們是在飛。路上幾乎沒有別的汽車，所以她倒不怎么害怕，再說這事也不是她管得了的。
The hospital was in Carleton Place, three miles away. There was a highway overpass above the railway tracks, and they took this at such speed that Grace had the impression that at its crest the car had lifted off the pavement, they were flying. There was hardly any traffic about, she was not frightened, and anyway there was nothing she could do.
尼爾認(rèn)識(shí)急診室的當(dāng)班護(hù)士，他填完表格，讓護(hù)士順帶看了看格雷斯的腳。（“活兒干得漂亮?！彼幌滩坏卣f了一句。）于是他可以親自去干下面的活兒——給格雷斯打針了。（“當(dāng)時(shí)不覺得疼，但過一會(huì)兒會(huì)的?！保┧蛲赆?，護(hù)士回進(jìn)那小隔間，說：“候診室里有個(gè)人要接她回去?！?/strong>
Neil knew the nurse who was on duty in Emergency, and after he had filled out a form and let her take a passing look at Grace’s foot (“Nice job,” she said without interest), he was able to go ahead and give the tetanus shot himself. (“It won’t hurt now, but it could later.”) Just as he finished, the nurse came back into the cubicle and said, “There’s a guy in the waiting room to take her home.”
她對格雷斯說：“他說他是你的未婚夫?！?/strong>
She said to Grace, “He says he’s your fiancé.”
“告訴他這兒的事還沒完?！蹦釥栒f，“不，跟他說我們已經(jīng)走了?！?/strong>
“Tell him she’s not ready yet,” Neil said. “No. Tell him we’ve already gone.”
“我已經(jīng)說了你們在這兒呢?！?/strong>
“I said you were in here.”
“不過等你回來一看，”尼爾說，“我們已經(jīng)走了。”
“But when you came back,” said Neil, “we were gone.”
“他說您是他哥哥。他會(huì)認(rèn)不出停車場上您車子的嗎？”
“He said you were his brother. Won’t he see your car in the lot?”
“我停在后院，在醫(yī)生停車區(qū)那邊呢?！?/strong>
“I parked out back. I parked in the doctors’ lot.”
“腦子就是好使呀。”護(hù)士走時(shí)甩回來這么一句。
“Pret-ty tric-ky,” said the nurse, over her shoulder.
這時(shí)候尼爾問格雷斯：“你現(xiàn)在還不想回去，是吧？”
And Neil said to Grace, “You didn’t want to go home yet, did you?”
“不想。”格雷斯說，就像是檢測視力時(shí)回答別人問她前面墻上是什么字似的。
“No,” said Grace, as if she’d seen the word written in front of her, on the wall. As if she was having her eyes tested.
她又一次被扶上車，只掛住前半部的涼鞋耷拉著，一屁股在奶油色的墊子上坐了下來。他們從停車場開上一條偏僻的后街，不走大路出了鎮(zhèn)子。她知道他們是不會(huì)碰見莫里的。她用不著去想他。想梅維斯就更加用不著了。
Once more she was helped to the car, sandal flopping from the toe strap, and settled on the creamy upholstery. They took a back street out of the lot, an unfamiliar way out of the town. She knew they wouldn’t see Maury. She did not have to think of him. Still less of Mavis.
后來，在敘述這段經(jīng)歷，她生命中的這一變化時(shí)，格雷斯會(huì)說——她的確就那么說——仿佛有一扇門在她身后哐地關(guān)上。可是在當(dāng)時(shí)可沒有哐的一聲——有的只是從她那里發(fā)出的一波又一波的默許，至于其他那些人的權(quán)利，那就干脆被毫不躊躇地置于腦后了。
Describing this passage, this change in her life, later on, Grace might say—she did say—that it was as if a gate had clanged shut behind her. But at the time there was no clang— acquiescence simply rippled through her, the rights of those left behind were smoothly cancelled.
她對于那一天的記憶一直都是清清楚楚、歷歷在目的，雖然與她有關(guān)的那些部分有著不同的版本。
Her memory of this day remained clear and detailed, though there was a variation in the parts of it she dwelt on.
但即使是在那樣的一部分細(xì)節(jié)里，必定有一些是她沒有記準(zhǔn)確的。一開始，他們順著七號(hào)公路往西開。在格雷斯的記憶里，公路上再?zèng)]有第二輛車子，他們的速度與在高架路上飛行時(shí)可稱不相上下。這一點(diǎn)不可能是真實(shí)的——路上必定是有人的，那個(gè)星期天早上回家的人，以及趕回家去與家人一起過感恩節(jié)的人，去教堂的人與從教堂回家的人。尼爾必定是會(huì)把車速減下來的，在他穿過村子或是繞過小鎮(zhèn)的時(shí)候，以及在走上有許多彎道的老公路之后。她不習(xí)慣坐在車頂敞開的敞篷車?yán)?。風(fēng)灌滿了她的眼睛，控制著她的頭發(fā)。那就給了她一種幻覺，似乎一直都是用同一種速度在迅疾飛行——并不瘋狂，反而奇跡似的十分安詳。
And even in some of those details she must have been wrong. First they drove west on Highway 7. In Grace’s recollection, there is not another car on the highway, and their speed approaches the flight on the highway overpass. This cannot have been true—there must have been people on the road, people on their way home that Sunday morning, on their way to spend Thanksgiving with their families. On their way to church or coming home from church. Neil must have slowed down when driving through villages or the edges of towns, and for the many curves on the old highway. She was not used to driving in a convertible with the top down, wind in her eyes, wind taking charge of her hair. That gave her the illusion of constant speed, perfect flight—not frantic but miraculous, serene.
雖然她腦子里沒有了莫里、梅維斯和家里別的人的絲毫痕跡，但是特拉弗斯太太的一些破碎影子卻仍然留了下來，在盤桓，在用耳語說著些什么，發(fā)出了詭異的、使人羞愧的輕笑，在作出她最后的那句交代。
And though Maury and Mavis and the rest of the family were wiped from her mind, some scrap of Mrs. Travers did remain, hovering, delivering in a whisper and with a strange, shamed giggle, her last message.
你當(dāng)然知道是應(yīng)該怎么做的。
You’ll know how to do it.
格雷斯和尼爾沒有說話，這是不消說的。就她所記得的，在當(dāng)時(shí)的情況下，你必須高聲尖叫才能讓人聽清你在說些什么。老實(shí)說，她所記得的，與她當(dāng)時(shí)認(rèn)為“性”應(yīng)該是怎么一回事的想法與幻覺，全都混淆在了一起。這樣的偶然邂逅，這樣的無聲卻強(qiáng)有力的信號(hào)，這樣的幾乎是一語不發(fā)的飛行，在這里，她或多或少把自己設(shè)想為一名女俘。一名無憂無慮的降臣，體內(nèi)除了涌流著欲念以外別的什么都沒有。
Grace and Neil did not talk, of course. As she remembers it, you would have had to scream to be heard. And what she remembers is, to tell the truth, hardly distinguishable from her idea, her fantasies at that time, of what sex should be like. The fortuitous meeting, the muted but powerful signals, the nearly silent flight in which she herself would figure more or less as a captive. An airy surrender, flesh nothing now but a stream of desire.
最后，他們在卡拉達(dá)停了下來，走進(jìn)了一家旅館——這家老旅館現(xiàn)在還開在那里。尼爾握住她的手，手指相互交叉在一起，并放慢自己的腳步以與她一拖一拖的步子相協(xié)調(diào)。尼爾帶她走進(jìn)酒吧。她認(rèn)出那是一家酒吧，雖然以前她從未進(jìn)過酒吧。（伯萊瀑布的小旅店沒有領(lǐng)到執(zhí)照——客人要喝酒只能在自己房間里喝，或是到路對面一個(gè)自稱是夜總會(huì)的破棚子里去喝。）這跟她想象中的完全一樣——一間挺大的密不通風(fēng)的黑屋子，匆匆打掃后胡亂擺回去的桌子椅子，一股消毒劑的氣味，卻去不掉啤酒、威士忌、雪茄、板煙和男人的氣味。
They stopped, finally, at Kaladar, and went into the hotel— the old hotel which is still there. Taking her hand, kneading his fingers between hers, slowing his pace to match her uneven steps. Neil led her into the bar. She recognized it as a bar, though she had never been in one before. (Bailey’s Falls Inn did not yet have a license—drinking was done in people’s rooms, or in a rather ramshackle so-called nightclub across the road.) This was just as she would have expected—an airless darkened big room, with the chairs and tables put back in a careless way after a hasty cleanup, a smell of Lysol not erasing the smell of beer, whisky, cigars, pipes, men.
這兒一個(gè)人也沒有——也許是下午開業(yè)的時(shí)間還未到。不過這會(huì)兒真的已經(jīng)是下午了嗎？她的時(shí)間觀念似乎都不準(zhǔn)了。
There was nobody there—perhaps it wasn’t open till afternoon. But might it not now be afternoon? Her idea of time seemed faulty.
這時(shí)候從另一個(gè)房間走進(jìn)來一個(gè)男人，跟尼爾說起話來。他說：“你好，大夫。”接著便走到吧臺(tái)的后面。
Now a man came in from another room, and spoke to Neil. He said, “Hello there, Doc,” and went behind the bar.
格雷斯相信情況總是這樣的——不管他們?nèi)サ侥睦?，總有尼爾早就認(rèn)得的人。
Grace believed that it would be like this—everywhere they went, there would be somebody Neil knew already.
“你知道，今天是星期天啊?！蹦侨擞锰岣吡说摹?yán)厲的、幾乎是在大叫的聲音說，好像是想讓停車場那邊都能聽見似的，“星期天我這兒什么都不能賣給你。也沒法賣給她。她甚至都不應(yīng)該進(jìn)到這兒來的。你明白嗎？”
“You know it’s Sunday,” the man said in a raised, stern, almost shouting voice, as if he wanted to be heard out in the parking lot. “I can’t sell you anything in here on a Sunday. And I can’t sell anything to her, ever. She shouldn’t even be in here. You understand that?”
“哦，是的，先生。的確不錯(cuò)，先生。”尼爾說，“我完全同意，先生。”
“Oh yes, sir. Yes indeed, sir,” said Neil. “I heartily agree, sir.”
兩個(gè)男人說著話，酒吧后面的那人從一個(gè)隱藏的架子上取出一瓶威士忌，往一只玻璃杯里倒了一些，朝柜臺(tái)對面的尼爾跟前推去。
While both men were talking, the man behind the bar had taken a bottle of whisky from a hidden shelf and poured some into a glass and shoved it to Neil across the counter.
“你渴了吧？”他對格雷斯說，已經(jīng)在打開一瓶可口可樂了。他遞給她，干脆連杯子都不提供了。
“You thirsty?” he said to Grace. He was already opening a Coke. He gave it to her without a glass.
尼爾在柜臺(tái)上放了張鈔票，那人把錢推到一邊去。
Neil put a bill on the counter and the man shoved it away.
“跟你說過了，”他說，“不能賣。”
“I told you,” he said. “Can’t sell.”
“可口可樂呢？”
“What about the Coke?” said Neil.
“也不能賣的。”
“Can’t sell.”
那人把酒瓶收好，尼爾非常快就把杯子里剩下的喝空。“你是好人哪，”他說，“遵紀(jì)守法的模范呀。”
The man put the bottle away, Neil drank what was in the glass very quickly. “You’re a good man,” he said. “Spirit of the law.”
“把可樂帶走。她越快離開這里我心里越是踏實(shí)?！?/strong>
“Take the Coke along with you. Sooner she’s out of here the happier I’ll be.”
“那是，”尼爾說，“她是個(gè)好姑娘。我的弟妹，未來的。據(jù)我所知?！?/strong>
“You bet,” Neil said. “She’s a good girl. My sister-in-law. Future sister-in-law. So I understand.”
“這是真話？”
“Is that the truth?”
他們沒有重上七號(hào)公路，相反卻上了往北去的路。這兒連路面都沒有鋪，不過卻是夠?qū)掗煹?，相?dāng)平坦。酒喝下去對尼爾的駕駛卻似乎起了相反的作用。他降低了速度，以與路況相配稱，甚至到了小心翼翼的地步。
They didn’t go back to Highway 7. Instead they took the road north, which was not paved, but wide enough and decently graded. The drink seemed to have had the opposite effect to what drinks were supposed to have on Neil’s driving. He had slowed down to the seemly, even cautious, rate this road required.
“你不在乎嗎？”
“You don’t mind?” he said.
格雷斯說：“在乎什么？”
Grace said, “Mind what?”
“把你拉到某個(gè)破破爛爛的地方?！?/strong>
“Being dragged into any old place.”
“不在乎?！?/strong>
“No.”
“我需要你做伴。你的腳怎么樣？”
“I need your company. How’s your foot?”
“沒什么事了。”
“It’s fine.”
“還是有點(diǎn)兒疼的吧?！?/strong>
“It must hurt some.”
“不厲害。沒事了?！?/strong>
“Not really. It’s okay.”
他握起她沒拿可樂瓶的那只手，將掌心壓在自己的嘴唇上，舔了舔，然后又松開。
He picked up the hand that was not holding the Coke bottle, pressed the palm of it to his mouth, gave it a lick, and let it drop.
“你是不是認(rèn)為我是出于墮落的目的而誘拐你？”
“Did you think I was abducting you for fell purposes?”
“沒有啊?！备窭姿惯`心地說，她想他用詞怎么都跟他母親一個(gè)路子的呢。墮落。
“No,” lied Grace, thinking how like his mother that word was. Fell.
“你這樣說用在別的時(shí)候也許會(huì)是對的，”他說，仿佛她方才是回答了“是的”，“不過今天卻不對。我覺得不對。今天你安全得跟座教堂似的。”
“There was a time when you would have been right,” he said, just as if she had answered yes. “But not today. I don’t think so. You’re safe as a church today.”
他的聲調(diào)起了變化，現(xiàn)在成了親切、坦誠和輕聲輕氣的了，方才他的嘴唇壓在、接著他的舌頭舔在她皮膚上的感覺，在相當(dāng)程度上撼動(dòng)著格雷斯，使得她聽到的不是他在說著的那個(gè)內(nèi)容，而是他的聲音本身。她能覺出他的舌頭一百次、幾百次地在她全身的皮膚上移動(dòng)，在那里跳著祈求之舞?？墒撬馐腔卮鹆艘痪洌骸敖烫靡膊⒉豢偸前踩??！?/strong>
The changed tone of his voice, which had become intimate, frank, and quiet, and the memory of his lips pressed to, then his tongue flicked across, her skin, affected Grace to such an extent that she was hearing the words, but not the sense, of what he was telling her. She could feel a hundred, hundreds of flicks of his tongue, a dance of supplication, all over her skin. But she thought to say, “Churches aren’t always safe.”
“不錯(cuò)。不錯(cuò)?！?/strong>
“True. True.”
“而且我也不是你的弟妹?！?/strong>
“And I’m not your sister-in-law.”
“未來的。我沒說是未來的嗎？”
“Future. Didn’t I say future?”
“我連那也不是的?！?/strong>
“I’m not that either.”
“哦。是吧。我想我也覺得不一定是的。是的。什么都是有可能的。”
“Oh. Well. I guess I’m not surprised. No. Not surprised.”
此時(shí)，他的聲調(diào)又變了，變得公事公辦了。
Then his voice changed again, became businesslike.
“我在找一個(gè)需要拐彎的地方，是往右拐。這兒有一條路我想我是應(yīng)該認(rèn)識(shí)的。這一帶你不熟悉嗎？”
“I’m looking for a turnoff up here, to the right. There’s a road I ought to recognize. Do you know this country at all?”
“不，這一帶不熟?！?/strong>
“Not around here, no.”
“那你知道弗勞爾車站嗎？翁帕、波蘭呢？斯諾路認(rèn)得不？”
“Don’t know Flower Station? Oompah, Poland? Snow Road?”
這些地方她連聽都沒有聽說過。
She had not heard of them.
“我想去找一個(gè)人?！?/strong>
“There’s somebody I want to see.”
車子往右拐了一下，他嘴里嘟噥了幾句，仿佛有點(diǎn)拿不定主意。見不到有什么路牌。路更窄也更難走了，有座橋竟是只能開過去一輛車的木板橋。闊葉樹林的濃葉在他們頭頂上織成了網(wǎng)。今年天氣不正常，涼得遲，葉子還未變色，樹枝都仍然是翠綠翠綠的，只除了這兒那兒偶爾有片紅色黃色在一閃一閃，像面旗子似的。周圍有一種身處圣殿的氣氛。走了好幾里路尼爾和格雷斯都沒有說話，而樹林也未曾顯出要中斷的跡象，簡直是無窮無盡了。不過此時(shí)尼爾打破了沉寂。
A turn was made, to the right, with some dubious mutterings on his part. There were no signs. This road was narrower and rougher, with a one-lane plank-floored bridge. The trees of the hardwood forest laced their branches overhead. The leaves were late to turn this year because of the strangely warm weather, so these branches were still green, except for the odd one here and there that flashed out like a banner. There was a feeling of sanctuary. For miles Neil and Grace were quiet, and there was still no break in the trees, no end to the forest. But then Neil broke the peace.
他說：“你會(huì)開車嗎？”格雷斯說她不會(huì)。他便說：“那你應(yīng)該學(xué)學(xué)?！?/strong>
He said, “Can you drive?” and when Grace said no, he said, “I think you should learn.”
他的意思是，當(dāng)下就學(xué)。他停下車，走出來，繞到她的身邊，于是她只好移身到方向盤后面去了。
He meant, right then. He stopped the car, got out and came around to her side, and she had to move behind the wheel.
“學(xué)車再?zèng)]有比這更好的地方了?！?/strong>
“No better place than this.”
“有車呀什么的來了怎么辦？”
“What if something comes?”
“不會(huì)有的。來了也總有辦法的。所以我才選了這段直路。你不用發(fā)愁，只要會(huì)用右腳控制就行了。”
“Nothing will. We can manage if it does. That’s why I picked a straight stretch. And don’t worry, you do all the work with your right foot.”
他們正處在一條樹枝交拱的長隧道的開端處，地面上散落著一片片的陽光。他根本沒費(fèi)心去講解汽車開動(dòng)的原理——他只是簡單地指示她的腳應(yīng)該放在何處，讓她練了練怎樣換擋，接著便說：“現(xiàn)在往前開吧，照我說的去做就行了。”
They were at the beginning of a long tunnel under the trees, the ground splashed with sunlight. He did not bother explaining anything about how cars ran—he simply showed her where to put her foot, and made her practice shifting the gears, then said, “Now go, and do what I tell you.”
汽車的初次往前一沖讓她嚇了一跳。她練了練換擋，以為他的授課到此應(yīng)該告一結(jié)束了吧，可是他只是笑笑。他說：“不錯(cuò)，放松些。放松些。繼續(xù)往前開呀?！彼舱娴恼罩隽?。他沒指斥她操縱得不好，也沒怪她光顧轉(zhuǎn)方向盤忘了踩油門，僅僅是說：“繼續(xù)往前，往前走，別離開路，別讓引擎熄火?！?/strong>
The first leap of the car terrified her. She ground the gears, and she thought he would put an end to the lesson immediately, but he laughed. He said, “Whoa, easy. Easy. Keep going,” and she did. He did not comment on her steering, or the way the steering made her forget about the accelerator, except to say, “Keep going, keep going, keep on the road, don’t let the engine die.”
“我什么時(shí)候可以停下來呀？”她說。
“When can I stop?” she said.
“還沒教你怎么停，你就先別停?！?/strong>
“Not till I tell you how.”
他讓她一直往前開直到走出隧道，這才教她怎樣剎車。車子一停，她就打開車門好與他對換位置，可是他說：“不。這不過是讓你歇口氣。你很快就會(huì)喜歡上開車的?！彼麄冎匦聠?dòng)時(shí)，她開始發(fā)現(xiàn)他說得還真對。而就是這一瞬間的得意，差點(diǎn)兒沒把他們帶進(jìn)溝里。不過，他在不得不抓過方向盤時(shí)還在不停地笑著，他們的課程在繼續(xù)往下進(jìn)行。
He made her keep driving until they came out of the tunnel, and then instructed her about the brake. As soon as she had stopped she opened the door so that they could trade sides, but he said, “No. This is just a breather. Soon you’ll be getting to like it.” And when they started again she began to see that he might be right. Her momentary surge of confidence almost took them into the ditch. Still, he laughed when he had to grab the wheel, and the lesson continued.
他們像是都走了有好幾英里了，他仍然不讓她撒手，雖然這過程中還走了——當(dāng)然是速度極慢——好幾個(gè)彎道。這時(shí)候他說他們還是換過來吧，因?yàn)椴皇亲约洪_車他便失去了方向感。
He did not let her stop until they had driven for what seemed miles, and even gone—slowly—around several curves. Then he said they had better switch, because he could not get a feeling of direction unless he was driving.
他問她感覺如何，她雖然全身都在發(fā)抖，卻仍然說：“挺好?！?/strong>
He asked how she felt now, and though she was shaking all over, she said, “Okay.”
他幫她揉搓，從肩膀一直搓到肘彎，說了句：“撒謊?！钡浅艘酝?，再也沒有撫觸她，也沒有再讓她身上的任何一個(gè)部分感覺到他嘴唇的接觸。
He rubbed her arm from shoulder to elbow and said, “What a liar.” But he did not touch her, beyond that, did not let any part of her feel his mouth again.
又開了幾英里之后，他必定是找回他的方向感了，因?yàn)閬淼揭粋€(gè)十字路口時(shí)他往左拐了，這兒的樹木逐漸變稀，他們順著一條爛路爬上一個(gè)長長的土坡，又走了幾英里來到一個(gè)村莊——至少可以說是路邊的一小組房子吧。一座教堂和一家店鋪，看來都已經(jīng)改變了原來的功能，沒準(zhǔn)都住進(jìn)人家了——從周圍停的車子和窗上掛的寒酸相的布簾可以看出來。另外幾所房屋的情況也大致相似，其中一所后面的一座谷倉自行坍塌了，發(fā)黑的干草從斷裂的桁梁之間伸出來，像是腫脹的內(nèi)臟。
He must have got the feeling of direction back some miles on when they came to a crossroads, for he turned left, and the trees thinned out and they climbed a rough road up a long hill, and after a few miles they came to a village, or at least a roadside collection of buildings. A church and a store, neither of them open to serve their original purposes, but probably lived in, to judge by vehicles around them and the sorry-looking curtains in the windows. A couple of houses in the same state and behind one of them a barn that had fallen in on itself, with old dark hay bulging out between its cracked beams like swollen innards.
看到這片景色，尼爾歡呼了起來，不過卻沒在這里停下車。
Neil exclaimed in celebration at the sight of this place, but did not stop there.
“真舒心啊，”他說，“真——讓人——感到——舒心呀。現(xiàn)在我算是明白了。還得謝謝你呀?！?/strong>
“What a relief,” he said. “What—a—relief. Now I know. Thank you.”
“謝謝我？”
“Me?”
“因?yàn)槟阕屛医棠汩_車。這讓我神經(jīng)松弛了下來?！?/strong>
“For letting me teach you to drive. It calmed me down.”
“讓你神經(jīng)松弛？”格雷斯說，“真的嗎？”
“Calmed you down?” said Grace. “Really?”
“真得不能再真了?！蹦釥栁⑿α?，不過卻沒有看她。他正忙著左左右右地張望出村之后的路邊田野。他在自言自語。
“True as I live.” Neil was smiling, but did not look at her. He was busy looking from side to side across the fields that lay along the road after it had passed through the village. He was talking as if to himself.
“就是這兒了。不會(huì)錯(cuò)的?，F(xiàn)在我們清楚了?！?/strong>
“This is it. Got to be it. Now we know.”
就這么地嘟噥著，直到他拐上了一條巷子。這巷子不是直直的，而是扭來扭去繞過了一片田地，躲開了巖石和一片刺柏，巷子盡頭處有一座房屋，樣子比村里的那些好不到哪里去。
And so on, till he turned onto a lane that didn’t go straight but wound around through a field, avoiding rocks and patches of juniper. At the end of the lane was a house in no better shape than the houses in the village.
“好了，就是這兒，”他說，“這地方我就不帶你進(jìn)去了。五分鐘不到我就出來?！?/strong>
“Now, this place,” he said, “this place I am not going to take you in. I won’t be five minutes.”
他待的時(shí)間可遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)不止五分鐘。
He was longer than that.
她坐在車子里，倒是有屋子擋著太陽。屋門大開，只有紗門關(guān)著。紗門上打了補(bǔ)丁，新些的鐵紗和舊的編在一起。沒有人出來看她，連條狗都沒來探頭探腦。現(xiàn)在汽車熄了火，長日里充斥著一種異乎尋常的寂靜。說它異乎尋常，是因?yàn)槟憧傆X得在炎熱的下午應(yīng)該是不缺在草叢里、刺柏叢里發(fā)出的各種昆蟲的嗡嗡唧唧聲的。即使你在任何地方都見不到它們，它們的喧鬧聲也總會(huì)從遠(yuǎn)到天邊的任何草木叢間發(fā)出來。不過也許是時(shí)節(jié)已經(jīng)太遲，說不定遲得連大雁南飛引吭高鳴的聲音都已無法聽到了。至少她什么都沒有聽到。
She sat in the car, in the house’s shade. The door to the house was open, just the screen door closed. The screen had mended patches in it, newer wire woven in with the old. Nobody came to look at her, not even a dog. And now that the car had stopped, the day filled up with an unnatural silence. Unnatural because you would expect such a hot afternoon to be full of the buzzing and humming and chirping of insects in the grass, in the juniper bushes. Even if you couldn’t see them anywhere, their noise would seem to rise out of everything growing on the earth, as far as the horizon. But it was too late in the year, maybe too late even to hear geese honking as they flew south. At any rate, she didn’t hear any.
在這兒，他們像是處在世界的巔峰，至少是巔峰之一吧。四邊的田野都向低處傾斜，樹木只能看到上端，因?yàn)樗鼈兌奸L在比較低洼之處。
It seemed they were up on top of the world here, or on one of the tops. The field fell away on all sides, the trees around being only partly visible because they grew on lower ground.
他認(rèn)識(shí)這里的什么人呢，住在里面的又能是誰呢？一個(gè)女人嗎？他需要的女人似乎不大可能住在這樣一個(gè)地方，可是今天格雷斯遇到的怪事就是層出不窮，簡直是沒完沒了。
Who did he know here, who lived in this house? A woman? It didn’t seem possible that the sort of woman he would want could live in a place like this, but there was no end to the strangeness Grace could encounter today. No end to it.
這兒原來是座磚房，可是不知是誰把外面那層磚拆掉了，里面的木板墻露了出來。拆下的磚頭胡亂堆在院子里，像是等著出讓似的。房子墻上還留著兩道磚沒拆，形成了一道對角線，像個(gè)樓梯，格雷斯無事可做，便把椅背放低，身子往后靠，好數(shù)清樓梯有多少級(jí)。這事她做得挺傻的，卻還很認(rèn)真，就跟一個(gè)人在從一朵花上揪下花瓣似的，就剩下沒有公然這樣喃喃自語了：他愛我，他不愛我。
Once this had been a brick house, but someone had begun to take the brick walls down. Plain wooden walls had been bared, underneath, and the bricks that had covered them were roughly piled in the yard, maybe waiting to be sold. The bricks left on this wall of the house formed a diagonal line, stairsteps, and Grace, with nothing to do, leaned back, pushed her seat back, in order to count them. She did this both foolishly and seriously, the way you could pull petals off a flower, but not with any words so blatant as He loves me, he loves me not.
走運(yùn)。背運(yùn)。走運(yùn)。背運(yùn)。其實(shí)這才是她想猜度的。
Lucky. Not. Lucky. Not. That was all she dared.
她發(fā)現(xiàn)很難辨清這行成鋸齒形的磚頭到底有多少排，因?yàn)閬淼介T的上方那兒，線條就變平了。
She found that it was hard to keep track of bricks arranged in this zigzag fashion, especially since the line flattened out above the door.
她想通了。這兒還能是什么地方？一個(gè)私酒販子的窩唄。她想起了老家的那個(gè)私酒販子——一個(gè)顫顫巍巍、瘦得只剩皮包骨的老頭，脾氣陰郁而且多疑。萬圣節(jié)的晚上，他竟會(huì)手持一把霰彈槍坐在自家門口臺(tái)階上。而且還會(huì)在堆在門口的柴火垛上做上記號(hào)，好察知有沒有被偷。她想象著他——或者是此處的這一個(gè)——坐著打盹，在自己骯臟的卻什么物件擱在哪兒全一清二楚的房間里（她知道情況必然是這樣的，從紗門的修補(bǔ)上就可以判定）。想象著他從他那張嘎吱作響的小床或躺椅上爬起來，翻開那條臟兮兮的被子，那還是多年前某個(gè)女親戚幫他絎的，那女的死了都有很久了。
She knew. What else could this be? A bootlegger’s place. She thought of the bootlegger at home—a raddled, skinny old man, morose and suspicious. He sat on his front step with a shotgun on Halloween night. And he painted numbers on the sticks of firewood stacked by his door so he’d know if any were stolen. She thought of him—or this one—dozing in the heat in his dirty but tidy room (she knew it would be that way by the mended patches in the screen). Getting up from his creaky cot or couch, with the stained quilt on it that some woman relative of his, some woman now dead, had made long ago.
她倒是沒進(jìn)過走私販子的家，可是在老家那邊，日子過得緊巴巴但受人尊敬的門戶，和聲名不怎么好的人家，彼此的生活狀況也就是隔著層薄薄的板吧。因此她是想象得出的。
Not that she had ever been inside a bootlegger’s house, but the partitions were thin, at home, between some threadbare ways of living that were respectable, and some that were not. She knew how things were.
她竟會(huì)想到要跟莫里結(jié)婚，這不是莫名其妙嗎。這簡直就是一種背叛。一種對自己的背叛?？墒呛湍釥栆黄鹱嚦鲇螀s并不是背叛，因?yàn)閷τ谒煜さ囊恍┦拢彩怯兴私獾?。而隨著時(shí)間的過去，她對于他，也是了解得越來越透徹了。
How strange that she’d thought of marrying Maury. A kind of treachery it would be. A treachery to herself. But not a treachery to be riding with Neil, because he knew some of the same things she did. And she knew more and more, all the time, about him.
現(xiàn)在，在門口那里，她似乎都能見到是她的舅公在那里站著，弓著背，一臉的迷茫，在對著她看，好像她出門都有好多年了。似乎她答應(yīng)過要回去的但是又把這事忘了，在這段時(shí)間里他早就該故去了，可是卻并沒有死。
And now in the doorway it seemed that she could see her uncle, stooped and baffled, looking out at her, as if she had been away for years and years. As if she had promised to go home and then she had forgotten about it, and in all this time he should have died but he hadn’t.
她掙扎著要跟他說話，可是他不見了。她一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)醒了，移動(dòng)了一下身子。她是和尼爾一起坐在車子里，他們又上路了。她睡著時(shí)是張著嘴的，口里干得很。他轉(zhuǎn)過頭來看了她片刻，她注意到，雖然身邊車風(fēng)陣陣，卻新添了一股威士忌的氣味。
She struggled to speak to him, but he was lost. She was waking up, moving. She was in the car with Neil, on the road again. She had been asleep with her mouth open and she was thirsty. He turned to her for a moment, and she noticed, even with the wind that they made blowing round them, a fresh smell of whisky.
不出所料。
It was true.
“你醒了吧？我從屋子里出來時(shí)你睡得可香了，”他說，“真對不起——都是熟人，我不好意思馬上就離開。你膀胱那里脹不脹？”
“You awake? You were fast asleep when I came out of there,” he said. “Sorry—I had to be sociable for a while. How’s your bladder?”
事實(shí)上，這個(gè)問題她早就想解決了，在車子剛在房子前面停下來的時(shí)候。她當(dāng)時(shí)瞥見左近有一處戶外的茅房，但是不好意思下車往那邊走去。
That was a problem she had been thinking about, in fact, when they were stopped at the house. She had seen a toilet back there, beyond the house, but had felt shy about getting out and walking to it.
他說：“這地方看來挺合適?！彼衍囎油Ａ讼聛怼Ｋ叱鲕囎?，朝一些盛開的野花和亂草窠里走去，蹲了下來。他站在路那邊的野花叢里，背對著她。她走回來爬上車時(shí)，看了看她腳邊地板上的那只瓶子，發(fā)現(xiàn)里面盛的液體已經(jīng)少了三分之一。
He said, “This looks like a possible place,” and stopped the car. She got out and walked in amongst some blooming golden-rod and Queen Anne’s lace and wild aster, to squat down. He stood in such flowers on the other side of the road, with his back to her. When she got back into the car she saw the bottle on the floor beside her feet. More than a third of its contents seemed already to be gone.
他注意到了她的眼光。
He saw her looking.
“哦，不必?fù)?dān)心，”他說，“我只是把里面的一些倒到這兒罷了。”他舉起一只扁瓶，“邊開車邊喝方便些?！?/strong>
“Oh, don’t worry,” he said. “I just poured some in here.” He held up a flask. “Easier when I’m driving.”
地板上還有另一瓶可口可樂。他告訴她儲(chǔ)物箱里就有開瓶器。
On the floor there was also another Coca-Cola. He told her to look in the glove compartment and find the bottle opener.
“挺涼的嘛?！彼@訝地說。
“It’s cold,” she said in surprise.
“有冰箱。他們冬天把湖里的冰鋸開，起出來，貯藏在鋸木屑里。這個(gè)人是存在屋子下面的地窖里的。”
“Icebox. They cut ice off the lakes in the winter and store it in sawdust. He keeps it under the house.”
“我還以為在那座房子的門口見到我舅公了呢，”她說，“不過是做了一場夢。”
“I thought I saw my uncle in the doorway of that house,” she said. “But I was dreaming.”
“你可以跟我說說你舅公的吧。說說你老家的事兒。干什么活兒的。什么都可以談。我就是喜歡聽你說話?！?/strong>
“You could tell me about your uncle. Tell me about where you live. Your job. Anything. I just like to hear you talk.”
他聲音里有一種新的力量，臉上也不一樣了，不過那完全不是酒醉后的奇異光彩。那只不過是：他方才好像是身體不舒服——不是說病得有多厲害，只不過是打不起精神來，在這樣的天氣狀況下——而現(xiàn)在則是想讓你確信他已經(jīng)好得多了。他擰上小扁瓶的蓋子，放下扁瓶，把手伸出去抓住她的手。他輕輕地握著，那是一種伙伴式的感情。
There was a new strength in his voice, and a change in his face, but it wasn’t any manic glow of drunkenness. It was just as if he’d been sick—not terribly sick, just down, under the weather—and was now wanting to assure you he was better. He capped the flask and laid it down and reached for her hand. He held it lightly, a comrade’s clasp.
“他很老了，”格雷斯說，“是我媽媽的舅父。他是個(gè)編織工——就是說能用藤編成椅子。我說不清楚，不過你要是有椅子要編，我可以做給你看——”
“He’s quite old,” said Grace. “He’s really my great-uncle. He’s a caner—that means he canes chairs. I can’t explain that to you, but I could show you if we had a chair to cane—”
“我可沒有這樣的椅子。”
“I don’t see one.”
她笑起來，說道：“這活兒挺單調(diào)的，真的?！?/strong>
She laughed, and said, “It’s boring, really.”
“那告訴我你對什么感興趣。對什么呢？”
“Tell me about what interests you, then. What interests you?”
她說：“對你呀?！?/strong>
She said, “You do.”
“哦。我又有什么事讓你感興趣呢？”他挪開了手。
“Oh. What interests you about me?” His hand slid away.
“你這會(huì)兒正在做著的事，”格雷斯決斷地說，“是為了什么?！?/strong>
“What you’re doing now,” said Grace determinedly. “Why.”
“你指的是喝酒？我為什么要喝酒？”扁瓶的蓋子又?jǐn)Q開了，“你為什么不問我呢？”
“You mean drinking? Why I’m drinking?” The cap came off the flask again. “Why don’t you ask me?”
“因?yàn)槲抑滥銜?huì)說什么的?！?/strong>
“Because I know what you’d say.”
“說什么？我會(huì)說什么？”
“What’s that? What would I say?”
“你會(huì)說，那還有什么別的可干呢？反正是這一類的話。”
“You’d say, what else is there to do? Or something like that.”
“這倒不假，”他說，“我的確是會(huì)這樣說的。接下去你就會(huì)使勁兒勸我別這么干，這樣又有什么不好。”
“That’s true,” he said. “That’s about what I’d say. Well, then you’d try to tell me why I was wrong.”
“不，”格雷斯說，“不。我不會(huì)的?！?/strong>
“No,” said Grace. “No. I wouldn’t.”
這話她一說出口，就覺得身上發(fā)冷。她原來以為自己是很嚴(yán)肅的，現(xiàn)在她明白了，自己其實(shí)是想用這些回答來打動(dòng)他，使他覺得她跟自己一樣，也是個(gè)大俗人?？墒窃趯υ挼倪^程中，她接觸到了本質(zhì)性的真實(shí)。這樣缺乏希望——真正徹底、并非沒有道理、永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)有所改變地缺乏希望。
When she’d said that, she felt cold. She had thought she was serious, but now she saw that she’d been trying to impress him with these answers, trying to show herself as worldly as he was, and in the middle of that she had come on this rock-bottom truth. This lack of hope—genuine, reasonable, and everlasting.
尼爾說：“你不會(huì)嗎？是啊。你不會(huì)。這倒是讓人感到輕松的事。你讓人感到輕松，格雷斯?！?/strong>
Neil said, “You wouldn’t? No. You wouldn’t. That’s a relief. You are a relief, Grace.”
過了一會(huì)兒，他說：“你知道吧——我困了。很快我們就能找到一個(gè)好地方，我打算停車打個(gè)瞌睡。就瞇一小會(huì)兒。你不介意吧？”
In a while, he said, “You know—I’m sleepy. Soon as we find a good spot I’m going to pull over and go to sleep. Just for a little while. You don’t mind that?”
“不介意。我想你也應(yīng)該睡會(huì)兒了?！?/strong>
“No. I think you should.”
“你照看我一會(huì)兒？”
“You’ll watch over me?”
“可以啊?！?/strong>
“Yes.”
“那好。”
“Good.”
他挑中的地方是一個(gè)叫?？さ男℃?zhèn)。鎮(zhèn)郊河邊有個(gè)公園，還有片礫石地的停車場。他把椅背放低，立刻就睡著了。夜晚隨著也來到了，差不多是吃晚飯的時(shí)候了，天涼下來了，說明季節(jié)畢竟不再是夏天。不多久之前還有人在這里舉行過感恩節(jié)野餐會(huì)——野營篝火處仍然繚繞著一絲青煙呢，空氣里還飄有烤漢堡包的氣味呢。這氣味并沒有真的讓格雷斯感到肚子餓了——倒是讓她記起了別的環(huán)境下挨餓的情況。
The spot he found was in a little town called Fortune. There was a park on the outskirts, beside a river, and a gravelled space for cars. He settled the seat back, and at once fell asleep. Evening had come on as it did now, around suppertime, proving that this wasn’t a summer day after all. A short while ago people had been having a Thanksgiving picnic here—there was still some smoke rising from the outdoor fireplace, and a smell of hamburgers in the air. The smell did not make Grace hungry, exactly—it made her remember being hungry in other circumstances.
他立刻就睡著了。她下了車。方才學(xué)車時(shí)，車子開開停停，使她身上落了不少土。她在一處野營水管前盡可能地洗了洗她的胳膊、雙手和臉。接著，為了保護(hù)自己受傷的腳，她慢慢地拖著步子走到河邊，看到水并不深，還有蘆葦冒出水面。水邊立著一個(gè)警告牌，說是此處不得使用褻瀆、污猥或是粗俗的語言，否則定當(dāng)嚴(yán)懲不貸。
He went to sleep immediately, and she got out. Some dust had settled on her with all the stopping and starting of her driving lesson. She washed her arms and hands and her face as well as she could at an outdoor tap. Then, favoring her cut foot, she walked slowly to the edge of the river, saw how shallow it was, with reeds breaking the surface. A sign there warned that profanity, obscenity, or vulgar language was forbidden in this place and would be punished.
她試著玩朝向西邊的秋千。在把自己蕩得高高的時(shí)候，她遙看那清澈的天空——變暗的綠色、變淡的金色，以及天邊那一抹粉紅色的晚霞?？諝庖呀?jīng)變得越來越?jīng)隽恕?/strong>
She tried the swings, which faced west. Pumping herself high, she looked into the clear sky—faint green, fading gold, a fierce pink rim at the horizon. Already the air was getting cold.
她原以為那是接觸的關(guān)系。嘴唇、舌頭、皮膚、身體，還有骨骼上的碰撞。是燃燒。是激情。可是對于他們來說卻完全不是這么一回事。就她此刻對他的所知，對他所了解的深度而言，那根本就是一場兒戲。
She’d thought it was touch. Mouths, tongues, skin, bodies, banging bone on bone. Inflammation. Passion. But that wasn’t what had been meant for them at all. That was child’s play, compared to how she knew him, how far she’d seen into him, now.
她所見到的是一個(gè)終結(jié)。就如同她是站在伸向遠(yuǎn)處——以及更遠(yuǎn)處的一片深黑死水的邊緣似的。冰冷、毫無波瀾的水。望著這樣冰冷死寂發(fā)黑的水，她知道所有的一切也就是這么一回事了。
What she had seen was final. As if she was at the edge of a flat dark body of water that stretched on and on. Cold, level water. Looking out at such dark, cold, level water, and knowing it was all there was.
該責(zé)怪的并不是喝酒的事。那同樣的結(jié)果是在等待著，不論情況如何，不管是什么時(shí)候。喝酒，有癮想喝酒——那不過是分散注意力的某種方法罷了，跟別的方法沒有什么兩樣。
It wasn’t the drinking that was responsible. The same thing was waiting, no matter what, and all the time. Drinking, needing to drink—that was just some sort of distraction, like everything else.
她走回到汽車跟前，想叫醒他。他動(dòng)了一下，但是卻醒不過來。她只好再在近處走走，好讓自己暖和一些，而且還用腳做了些最簡單的練習(xí)動(dòng)作——此刻她想起來，明天早上自己還得再去上班，再去給別人端早餐。
She went back to the car and tried to wake him up. He stirred but wouldn’t waken. So she walked around again to keep warm, and to practice the easiest way with her foot—she understood now that she would be working again, serving breakfast, in the morning.
她又作了次努力，急急地跟他說話。他嘟嘟噥噥應(yīng)答說好的好的，可接著又睡著了。到此時(shí)，天已經(jīng)完全黑下來了，她也放棄希望了。此刻，夜寒使她意識(shí)到必須另外打主意了。他們不能留在這里，他們畢竟還活在這個(gè)世界上。她必須得回到伯萊瀑布去。
She tried once more, talking to him urgently. He answered with various promises and mutters, and once more he fell asleep. By the time it was really dark she had given up. Now with the cold of night settled in some other facts became clear to her. That they could not remain here, that they were still in the world after all. That she had to get back to Bailey’s Falls.
她費(fèi)了好大的勁兒又是推又是拽，才把他弄到旁邊的座位上去。就這樣都沒能弄醒他，很明顯他一時(shí)半刻醒不過來了。她花了好一會(huì)兒才弄明白怎樣才能開亮車前的燈，接著她發(fā)動(dòng)車子，一顛一跳地，慢騰騰地，回到了路上。
With some difficulty she got him over into the passenger seat. If that did not wake him, it was clear nothing could. She took a while to figure out how the headlights went on, and then she began to move the car, jerkily, slowly, back onto the road.
她一點(diǎn)都不知道該往哪個(gè)方向開，街上也無人可問。她僅僅是不斷地朝鎮(zhèn)的另一頭開過去，到了那邊，總算是謝天謝地見到了一塊路牌，除了標(biāo)明別的一些地方之外，也指明了伯萊瀑布的方向。只有九英里遠(yuǎn)。
She had no idea of directions, and there was not a soul on the street to ask. She just kept driving to the other side of the town, and there, most blessedly, there was a sign pointing the way to Bailey’s Falls, among other places. Only nine miles.
她用從未超過三十英里的時(shí)速開在一條兩車道的公路上。來往的車子不多。有一兩回，后面的車子按響著喇叭超越了她，迎面而來為數(shù)不多的幾輛也按響了喇叭。前者是因?yàn)樗俣忍笳邉t是因?yàn)樗欢畱?yīng)該變暗燈光。不過這不重要。她開在半路上反正也不能停下來給自己打氣。因此她只能繼續(xù)往前開，像他對她說過的那樣。只管往前開。
She drove along the two-lane highway at never more than thirty miles an hour. There was little traffic. Once or twice a car passed her, honking, and the few she met honked also. In one case it was probably because she was going so slowly, and in the other, because she did not know how to dim the lights. Never mind. She couldn’t stop to get her courage up again in the middle of the road. She could just keep going, as he had said. Keep going.
起先，她沒認(rèn)出來已經(jīng)到了伯萊瀑布，因?yàn)樽叩氖且粭l她不熟悉的路。等她明白過來了，她比開全部九英里路程時(shí)還要緊張。在陌生的地方開車是一回事，可是拐到小旅館大門里去又是另外的一回事。
At first she did not recognize Bailey’s Falls, coming upon it in this unfamiliar way. When she did, she became more frightened than she had been in all the nine miles. It was one thing to drive in unknown territory, another to turn in at the inn gates.
她在停車場停下時(shí)他倒醒過來了。對于他們來到什么地方，她又是怎么做成的，他一點(diǎn)都沒顯得吃驚。他告訴她，事實(shí)上，是幾英里以前的喇叭聲把他吵醒的，不過他仍然假裝睡著，因?yàn)橹匾氖乔f別嚇著了她。他知道她是能行的。
He was awake when she got stopped in the parking lot. He didn’t show any surprise at where they were, or at what she had done. In fact, he told her, the honking had wakened him, miles back, but he had pretended to be still asleep, because the important thing was not to startle her. He hadn’t been worried, though. He knew she would make it.
她問，他現(xiàn)在是不是足夠清醒，可以開車了。
She asked if he was awake enough to drive now.
“清醒得很，倍兒清楚，就跟一枚嶄新的一元硬幣一樣?！?/strong>
“Wide-awake. Bright as a dollar.”
他讓她甩脫涼鞋把腳伸出來，這兒那兒地摸了摸，捏了捏，說：“很好。沒有發(fā)熱，也沒有腫。你的胳膊也不酸疼吧？大概不至于吧?！彼退叩介T口，感謝她的陪伴。她仍然不敢相信能夠安全返回?；杌枞欢纪嗽撜f聲再會(huì)了。
He told her to slip her foot out of its sandal, and he felt and pressed it here and there before saying, “Nice. No heat. No swelling. Your arm hurt? Maybe it won’t.” He walked her to the door, and thanked her for her company. She was still amazed to be safely back. She hardly realized it was time to say good-bye.
事實(shí)上，她直到今天仍然記不起來她說了再見的話沒有，還是他只是抱住了她，將她擁在雙臂里——抱得那么緊，那么持久，轉(zhuǎn)換著壓緊著她的部位，似乎只有兩只胳膊已經(jīng)不夠用了，她為他圍裹著，他的身體既強(qiáng)壯又很靈巧，同一時(shí)間里既是在索求又是在施予，仿佛是在告訴她，她放棄他是錯(cuò)誤的，一切都是可能的，可是接著又說她沒有錯(cuò)，他不過是想要在她身上留下自己的印記，然后就要走開的。
As a matter of fact she does not know to this day if those words were spoken, or if he only caught her, wound his arms around her, held her so tightly, with such continual, changing pressures that it seemed more than two arms were needed, that she was surrounded by him, his body strong and light, demanding and renouncing all at once, as if he was telling her she was wrong to give up on him, everything was possible, but then again that she was not wrong, he meant to stamp himself on her and go.
早上天還沒怎么亮，經(jīng)理就來敲單身宿舍的門，喊叫格雷斯。
Early in the morning, the manager knocked on the dormitory door, calling for Grace.
“有人打來電話，”他說，“你不用起來，他們只想知道你在這兒不在。我說我上來看看。就這么件事。”
“Somebody on the phone,” he said. “Don’t bother, they just wanted to know if you were here. I said I’d go and check. Okay now.”
必定是莫里，她想。至少是他們家里的什么人。不過最有可能的還是莫里。現(xiàn)在她得想法子去跟莫里解釋了。
It would be Maury, she thought. One of them, anyway. But probably Maury. Now she’d have to deal with Maury.
在她下樓去負(fù)責(zé)端早餐時(shí)——她只能穿帆布跑鞋了——她聽說了那場事故。一輛汽車在去小塞博湖的半路上撞上了橋墩。是對直了撞上去的，車全毀了而且燒了起來。跟別的車子無關(guān)，里面顯然沒有別的乘客。只好根據(jù)醫(yī)治牙齒的檔案來辨認(rèn)開車者了。沒準(zhǔn)到這時(shí)候已經(jīng)弄清楚了。
When she went down to serve breakfast—wearing her canvas shoes—she heard about the accident. A car had gone into a bridge abutment halfway down the road to Little Sabot Lake. It had been rammed right in, it was totally smashed and burned up. There were no other cars involved, and apparently no passengers. The driver would have to be identified by dental records. Or probably had been, by this time.
“這方式真夠慘烈的，”經(jīng)理說，“還不如割喉自盡呢?！?/strong>
“One hell of a way,” the manager said. “Better to go and cut your throat.”
“沒準(zhǔn)就僅僅是一次交通事故，”那廚子說，他生性樂觀，“也許是正好瞇著了吧。”
“It could’ve been an accident,” said the cook, who had an optimistic nature. “Could’ve just fell asleep.”
“是啊。當(dāng)然是可能的?！?/strong>
“Yeah. Sure.”
她的胳臂一下子疼了起來，像是挨了次猛擊似的。她手里的盤子幾乎失去平衡，不得不用雙手將它抱在胸前。
Her arm hurt now as if it had taken a wicked blow. She couldn’t balance her tray but had to carry it in front of her, using both hands.
她無須面對面跟莫里打交道了。他給她寫來了一封信。
She did not have to deal with Maury face-to-face. He wrote her a letter.
只須告訴我是他讓你這樣做的。只須說你是不想去的。
Just say he made you do it. Just say you didn’t want to go.
她回了五個(gè)字。我自愿去的。她本想再加上一句我很抱歉，可是最終還是沒有加。
She wrote back five words. I did want to go. She was going to add I’m sorry, but stopped herself.
特拉弗斯先生到小旅館來看她了。他禮貌客套，嚴(yán)肅并且冷冰冰的，不過并沒有表現(xiàn)出不友好。她看到他處在目前這樣的景況下，倒更顯出自己的本色了。顯出他是個(gè)能負(fù)責(zé)處理問題而且能把問題解決得干凈利落的人。他說他感到很悲哀，全家人都非常悲哀，認(rèn)為酗酒真是件可怕的事。等特拉弗斯太太身體好一些時(shí)，他會(huì)帶她出去旅行，度一次假，上暖和些的地方去。
Mr. Travers came to the inn to see her. He was polite and businesslike, firm, cool, not unkind. She saw him now in circumstances that let him come into his own. A man who could take charge, who could tidy things up. He said that it was very sad, they were all very sad, but that alcoholism was a terrible thing. When Mrs. Travers was a little better he was going to take her on a trip, a vacation, somewhere warm.
接著，他說他得走了，還有許多事情要處理呢。他和她握手告別時(shí)將一只信封放在她的手里。
Then he said that he had to be going, many things to do. As he shook her hand good-bye he put an envelope into it.
“我們都希望你能好好利用這點(diǎn)東西?！彼f。
“We both hope you’ll make good use of this,” he said.
那是一張一千元的支票。她當(dāng)時(shí)的第一反應(yīng)是把它退回去或是把它撕了，即使時(shí)至今日，她有時(shí)候還會(huì)想，那樣做必定很了不起。不過，她自然最終還是無法這樣做。在那些日子里，這么一筆錢確實(shí)能保證她的生活可以有一個(gè)新的開端。
The cheque was for one thousand dollars. Immediately she thought of sending it back or tearing it up, and sometimes even now she thinks that would have been a grand thing to do. But in the end, of course, she was not able to do it. In those days, it was enough money to insure her a start in life.
