原文地址：https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/if-the-emperor-watched-the-text-to-speech-device.408752/#post-23864804??

今天后知后覺試著用了一下chatGPT輔助翻譯，結(jié)論是它真的……

……尚且無法替代我的人工翻譯。

偷懶計劃大失敗！

哦還有，tts原文部分我決定不翻譯了，否則后面越來越長我真的頭大。真想知道原文說什么可以對著標題集數(shù)再去回顧一下“如果帝皇有了講話器”系列劇集。

第十集：大膽！哦，太蠢了！

“圣吉列斯兄弟，我理解這些劇集某種程度上的……幽默，但有一說一，它所講述的很有可能就是我們所面臨的未來。”羅伯特用他濃郁的馬庫拉格口音娓娓道來。

“我當然理解，智慧的羅伯特。但我也沒法否認自己確實想看看這位負責的審判官想干什么，畢竟他的態(tài)度就和瓷器店里的grox差不多?！笔ゼ兴够卮鸬溃换锫猜詭?nèi)疚地扭過頭，因為他也想看。

“那么，解答這個問題的方法只有一個，對不對？技術(shù)神甫，下一集?！备８袢鹉穼χ鹦巧窀ψ隽藗€手勢，屏幕在片刻之后亮了起來。

(Terra burning with roaring flames, a storm of sparks, and the grim tone of a bell)

*Valjeanus tenderly kisses the forehead of a deceased woman. Suddenly-*

? Valjeanus, at last! We see each other plain. Magos Techenicus, You'll wear a different chain! ?

“額滴神啊，別再來這玩意了！”帝皇用手扶著他的額頭哀嘆道。

“父親，這有什么問題嗎？”是荷魯斯開口詢問。

“我從來不該看那出戲?！钡刍手畤@息再次出現(xiàn)?！癟he '32 Revolution壓根不是音樂劇?！彼脑掙┤欢埂?/p>

*Javerticus pulls up a clothes hanger with a chainmail bra*

“噢神圣泰拉在上！”羅伯特翻了個白眼。

....? Before you say another word, Javerticus. Before you burn me like a heretic, listen to me, there's something I must do~ ?

*Javerticus leans forward with a glare*

? This woman leaves behind a suffering child, there is none but me who can intercede. In the Emperor's name, three days is all I need~ ?

“至少在這個瘋狂的銀河系中，還有人愿意干些改善他人生活的善舉！”看到這個孤身男子對那個已逝女人和她幸存孩子的善意，圣吉列斯不禁微笑。

*Javerticus glares harder, and Valjeanus stands solemnly*

? Then I'll return, I'll pledge my word. Then I'll return- ?

*Javerticus Glares hatefully and interrupts with a draw of the sword*

? You must think me mad! ?

*Jarverticus stomps forward, Valjeanus moving back in step. Both grim in expression*

? I've hunted you across the years! Heretics like you can never change! Heretiiiiiiiics such as you!~?

*Javerticus takes a breath and slowly raises his sword to-*

一些兄弟不自覺地倒吸冷氣。

(Javerticus gets run over)

MOVE IT BITCH!

“……什么鬼？”原體與帝皇的反應(yīng)一模一樣。

“我不記得這個戲劇或者電影會像這樣結(jié)束?！钡刍收f著，一臉懵逼。

“歌唱只能說中規(guī)中矩?！蔽挚舱f著，他的語氣明顯是在打圓場。

(Javerticus doesn't move after the morons left. Valjeanus stands for a moment...then bolts.)

=Imperial Court=

帝皇非常不滿。到目前為止，有用的主線一點沒見著。難道他們還不明白在這傻坐著無聊透頂嗎？都快和養(yǎng)老院旗鼓相當了！

“如果你有任何忠于職守的精神，你會親自去找到你的‘罪魁禍首’?！笨道乱е浪凰蛔黜?，他對于卡拉馬佐夫正義的看法越來越少。

Hey! Hey, Fyodor! Isn't it Boring around here? Like, incredibly boring?

“我相信那個男人是這位審判官的某種弄臣?！绷_格用他如磐石般穩(wěn)固的語氣打趣。

[Annoyed Inquisitorial Grunt]

Be quiet, Dominique! That's what I just said.

No, that's what I just said!

“我也這么覺得?！笨珊固羝鹆怂粭l華麗的眉毛，對帝國之拳表示同意。

You know what would be fun? Letting me sit on your throne! I've always dreamed of being up on that throne with all the... [Uncomfortable Breathing] fun things I can do up there...

“有關(guān)那些禁軍的記憶又回來了，”荷魯斯低聲說，“沒有任何冒犯您現(xiàn)任同伴的意思?！?/p>

“我明白?！钡刍蚀鸬?，“我有種感覺，這會成為一種大勢所趨。”

I said QUIET! ...You're giving me a headache.

No! You be quiet!

Uuh, can someone feed the goat so he quiets down? We're trying to do important High Lord things here.

“你管那叫正事？！你們這群傻逼剛才只是在嗷嗷叫喚‘重要重要’！”黎曼氣的不行，流行于他軍團的一些獨特……“傳統(tǒng)文化”也開始滲入他的大白話。不幸的是，他的父皇也注意到了，并且臉色也隨著黎曼的妙語連珠逐漸變得蒼白。

SHUT UP LITTLE BILLY! Now, to the business at hand. Wuw...What were we discussing? I think it was something relating to banning the breathing of air...from anyone that is not us. Air is one of the few natural resources left here on Terra, and if all the 'normals' use it, there will be none left for us!

“紅沙啊，紐科里亞的高騎手老爺們都比他們謙卑！”安格隆從未預(yù)料到他有一天會這樣想，但此刻，他有點懷念他那些奴隸主了。

Requirement of air is only another reason to replace your lungs with circuits.

Well, I'm not sure...My Generals need to breathe as well as to make command of whatever it is they are communicating again, and I don't think they can do that very well without air...

Why I usually seem to generate currents of air right before I have to poo.

“要是我想知道有關(guān)腸胃脹氣或者糞便玩意，我會直接去問Grox飼養(yǎng)員?！被锫鼘τ谶@樣直率的愚蠢嗤之以鼻。

Wait...Isn't breathing important? I don't remember...I'm gonna lay down...

[Frustrated Inquisitorial Moan]

I should just go out there and find this heretic myself...

“他終于干事了！”科拉克斯嘟噥著。

Fyodor! We have urgent news!

Oh hey, are you the guys I sent to buy my sandpaper cigarettes? I really need my fix of nicotine and throat lacerations. How else do you think I sound so calm and sexy?

“砂紙煙？！”馬格努斯幾乎停止了思考。

[Inquisitorial sighing]

What is it that you want...? Don't you three have some sewers to investigate?

“就連卡拉馬佐夫都意識到這瘋狂三重奏毫無價值。”科拉克斯與科茲對視了一眼，達成共識。

We were confronted by three Custodes while...interrogating some citizens.

Custodes? You are joking with me, are you not? The Custodes never leave the Imperial Palace!

They were right there though. And the Custodes told us that the Emperor really is the one who sent the message.

“啊，這沒可能往好的方向發(fā)展啊。”荷魯斯輕聲說。像往常一樣，他贏得賭注。

In the name...of a thousand DEAD. FUCKING. HERETICS. ARE YOU SAYING!?

The Custodes are the heretics we are looking for!

“他們到底是怎么得出這個結(jié)論的？！”馬格努斯的靈魂仍然被困在上一集，走不出來。

Well in THAT case, we are all walking STRAIGHT into the imperial palace, and taking those mutant exhibitionists with us!

*Decius Stomps onto the scene like a bawss*

Hold your mecha-chairs for just a moment Inquisitor! What do you think you are doing!?

“終于?。〗K于有腦子還沒掉線的人可以對這荒謬的游行做些什么了！”洛嘉脫口而出。

[Very frustrated Inquisitorial noise]

Not you!

“我從沒想到一萬年后我會對任何宗教人物說這話，但干得好，國教。”帝皇微笑著說道。

（在遙遠的未來，某個男子發(fā)覺他的帽子突然無緣無故生出雙腳）

==Inside the throne room==

“攝像頭又回到你身邊了。我還在想我們什么時候才能看到你的形象呢?！豹{王對他的帝皇笑了笑。

STOP STANDING AROUND THERE ALL SILENT AND DEAD LIKE AN UNPLUGGED FUCKING MECHANICUS ADEPT, AND TELL ME WHO THESE SPACE MARINES ARE. THIS ANTICIPATION IS FOR SOME REASON KILLING ME. THEN AGAIN...I'M A DECAYING CORPSE. SO THAT MIGHT ALSO BE A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

“也許你變成某種健忘人士了。我會優(yōu)先考慮這是年齡因素?！绷_格說。而帝皇向他投去的眼神絕非高興。

Well, they are renowned in the Imperium for stealing alot of relics from both other chapters and factions within the Imperium. It's not really known how they do it or exactly why, but they have somehow managed to amass an astounding amount of wargear due to this.

“馬格努斯，也許他們是你的好朋友？”黎曼看向馬格努斯咧嘴一笑，而馬格努斯只是向他的狼哥回敬了一個責備的眼神。

SO WHAT ARE THEY CALLED?

I believe they are called...the...th...b...Uuum...Something. Actually I don't remember.

WAY TO FUCKING GO DILDO HEAD. YOU JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF STUPID. THE DISAPPOINTING KIND OF STUPID.

COME TO THINK OF IT. DID YOU SAY CHAPTER? AS IN ONLY A SINGULAR CHAPTER WITHIN AN ENTIRE LEGION IS GOOD AT THIS?

Oh no no, my Lord. They are not a part of any Legion!

“……我剛剛聽到了什么？”若非受限于身體硬件，否則黎曼的耳朵早該豎起來了。“一個獨立于軍團之外的戰(zhàn)團？誰他狼的會干這么多余的事？”基里曼剛想發(fā)言，但王座帝皇就已經(jīng)搶過話茬。

WHY THE FUCK WOULD THERE EVER EXIST A SINGLE CHAPTER OUTSIDE OF A LEGION?

“我也想問這個。軍團必須以某種形式存在，哪怕它只是一個總體指揮結(jié)構(gòu)！失去軍團的戰(zhàn)團會低效得可怕！”基里曼沸騰了。他的兄弟們也點了點頭，因為他們知道馬庫拉格執(zhí)政官對效率低下有多厭惡。

Well you see, seven years after the Horus Heresy-

原體們腦內(nèi)所有那些嚴重冒犯“軍團”存在性的問題，在此刻都像被沒給制動器上潤滑的毒刃給創(chuàng)停了?！昂婶斔勾笈褋y？”房間內(nèi)每個人的喉舌都發(fā)出了這段驚恐的低語。有這么一小會兒，沒有人能夠動彈，這一信息才剛重重砸向了他們的大腦。

黎曼第一個采取行動，他用極度震驚——甚至可以說備受創(chuàng)傷——的表情看向牧狼神，然后拔出了霜刃，只是眨眼間就躍向了荷魯斯的座位?！皠e動，叛徒，否則你永遠別想再動彈哪怕一下！”他聲如狼嚎，即使在場的原體們也沒一個能看出他的劍尖有哪怕一絲顫抖。圣吉列斯猛地從驚駭中清醒，跳出來為他的弟弟辯護；荷魯斯卻仍只是盯著暫停的大屏幕，一遍又一遍地重復(fù)“這不可能”。大天使拔出自己的劍，迫使魯斯的霜刃從荷魯斯·魯珀卡爾的頸靜脈處放下。

除了荷魯斯外，唯一沒有說話的是帝皇本人。他只能想，“所以這必將發(fā)生。所有的那些事情……都必將來臨，對嗎？我的兒子們……他們將迷失，又或者是背叛帝國?！?/p>

荷魯斯只能呆呆看向黎曼和其他的兄弟們，他們的暴怒可以預(yù)料。他們剛剛聽到了自己的兄弟背叛了他們建立起來的帝國，就連安格隆也幾乎無法控制自己。紅沙之主這輩子最瞧不起那些變節(jié)者，其中甚至可能包括他的父親。

“黎曼！”圣吉列斯向他的兄弟大喊，帝皇的劊子手已經(jīng)快要向牧狼神揮下劍了，“這一切都還沒有發(fā)生！我們?nèi)杂凶柚惯@種瘋狂扎根的可能！我求求你，黎曼！”大天使絕望地向他的兄長呼喊，而若非帝皇干預(yù)了爭斗，狼王也會毫不猶豫向圣吉列斯出手。

“以你們的帝皇之名，停止這種瘋狂行徑！”帝皇的命令如雷貫耳。黎曼與圣吉列斯的注意力轉(zhuǎn)移了，帝皇整理了一下自己的思緒，再次開口：“截至目前，我們之間不會發(fā)生任何變化。荷魯斯沒有犯下我所知道的任何背叛之事，而你只是憑一個老舊的全息視頻就輕信了這條信息，我很失望。雖然我必須承認我也有些震驚?！?面對帝皇的憤怒，黎曼只能遵從他父親的意愿，低頭致歉。

“現(xiàn)在，荷魯斯。我對未來的發(fā)展沒什么頭緒，但我明白一點。你仍然是我的兒子，祂們也不會擁有你。我可能無意間·允許·了你落入那些惡魔手中。這是我傲慢的代價，我應(yīng)該在此之前告訴你一切。在所有這些事情發(fā)生后，甚至就在這觀看期間，你都將了解一切?！钡刍实穆曇糁杏幸粋€安靜的承諾，兄弟們聽聞此言，只能各自回到自己的座位上；但某件事明顯不會再被拖延太久了。

-an event took place known as the Second Founding.

THE SECOND FOUNDING? OH MAN...THIS ALREADY SOUNDS AS UNNECESSARY AS THE DARK ELDAR. WASN'T THE NAMED 'ONLY FOUNDING' GOOD ENOUGH?

“仔細想想，您之前是不是管這叫‘偉大建軍’（Great Founding）來著？”圣吉列斯提問，帝皇對此表示肯定。

Actually, I think the name was changed to the First Founding after they came up with the second one.

REALLY? WOW! WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLE EXCESS OF STUPID.

Not the exact words I would have used to describe it, but…Aaaaanyway...The Primarch of the Ultramarines, Roboute Guilliman-

MY SINGULAR CYBERNETIC EYE JUST DETECTED A LARGE RISE IN IGNORANCE AND HUBRIS IN THIS ROOM FROM THE MERE MENTION OF THAT NAME.

安格隆與洛嘉一聽到這個，都繃不住笑了。

-Created the Codex Astartes which is a set of rules and guidelines that nowadays is used by thousands of Space Marine Chapters throughout the galaxy.

“……什么？”

*Dramatic Horror Music*

THOUSANDS?

*Sparks and thunderous Emperor based Warp Pissed Offery*

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

The Codex Astartes became the foundation for a Second Founding as Guilliman decreed that all Legions still loyal were to split up and organized into armies consisting of roughly ten Companies each. One of these Chapters were to retain their parent Legion's original name, symbol and color scheme, while the others could basically go and do whatever they wanted with that.

SO NOW WE'VE GOT FUCKING ULTRAMARINE BABIES SPREAD OUT ACROSS THE GALAXY. ALL SECLUDED FROM THE REST OF THE IMPERIUM TO FORM THEIR OWN BELIEFS, DOGMAS, AND HATREDS INSPIRED BY THE ORIGINAL WHICH WAS ALREADY AN ENORMOUS PILE OF STUPID TO BEGIN WITH. SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU ACTIVELY TRYING TO MAKE MY UNLIFE EVEN MORE DIFFICULT?

“都沒誰能管管這群人嗎？要是我墮落了，那帝國應(yīng)該像盤旋的老鷹一樣密切關(guān)注仍然與他們站一邊的勢力才對！”荷魯斯真的氣炸了。

Euuuhm...well...

IN ADDITION, THIS DUMB BOOK HAS SPLIT UP THE IMPERIUM'S MIGHTY BULWARK, AND MADE IT INTO A ROTTEN PICKET FENCE THAT EVEN A SMALL CHILD COULD BREAK DOWN. WHAT MADE YOU PEOPLE THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?

“如果叛徒們都被真正誅滅了那我也許可以理解，但綠皮呢？”圣吉列斯也提出了疑問。

But my Lord! Guilliman's intentions were noble! He recognized that in order for something like the Horus Heresy to not ever be possible again, the massive Marine armies should be separated and spread out.

“好吧，只要他們真的被打敗了，并且帝國處于一個和平時期?！被锫f，他懸著的心稍稍放下。

AND NOW THE XENO ACTIVITY IS MORE RAMPANT THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY THAN EVER. PERHAPS IF GUILLIMAN'S HEAD WASN'T STUCK SO FAR UP HIS BUTTOCKS, FERVENTLY KISSING HIS OWN ASS, HE WOULD'VE PROOF READ HIS WORK BEFORE PUBLISHING IT.

“除非這不是什么和平時期。”黎曼用眼神向他尖叫“你這瘋狗！”。

FOR ALL WE KNOW, RIGHT NOW, THERE COULD BE HUNDREDS OF CHAPTERS OUT THERE PLEDGING THEIR ALLEGIANCE TO CHAOS, OR PERHAPS EVEN WORSE. AND WE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA ABOUT IT OR A WAY TO STOP IT BECAUSE ALL OF OUR DEFENSES ARE SO THINLY SPREAD.

“為什么沒有人對此采取行動？審判庭既然存在，那他們難道不能創(chuàng)建一個專門監(jiān)視阿斯塔特的部門嗎？”福格瑞姆極為困惑。看到他完美的面容被挫敗所籠罩并不是一件愉快的事情，因為如果有任何女性和部分男性看到了這種情況，他們肯定會過來關(guān)切詢問“都發(fā)生什么了？”，等等。其他原體都了解這一點，除了圣吉列斯和安格隆，其余的大家都很嫉妒這種特殊待遇。

THERE COULD EVEN BE CHAPTERS CONSORTING AND ACCEPTING BOTH XENOS AND CHAOS WORSHIPPERS INTO THEIR RANKS. MAYBE EVEN CHAPTERS SO FUCKING RECLUSIVE AND HISTORICALLY INEPT THAT THEIR MERE EXISTENCE SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLE AND SHITTY FANFICTION.

==Meanwhile, on Swedesia==

...Do you guys have the feeling we're being shit on really hard right now?

“他誰？”科拉克斯疑惑。

Aww, we're always being shat on...

“他們又都是誰？”科茲與他的渡鴉老弟問出了一模一樣的問題。

Fuck you!

Go fish.

Fuck you!!

Cactus?

帝皇長嘆一聲，苦澀地想，“Alfa我好想你?！?/p>

Fuck You!!!

You though YOU were gonna win this poker game, BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY I, FRESH!?

Fuck You!!!

*Burst of DAEMON on the scene!*

BANZAI!!!

[Eliphas goes Waffles]

“以星際戰(zhàn)士的標準來說，他們非常的不成熟，父親?！?/p>

“好了多恩我知道了閉嘴！”

==Throne Room==

FUCKING DAMN IT GILLSMAN. SPEAKING OF WHICH, DID YOU TELL THEM TO CUT HIS LIFE SUPPORT YET? IT IS VERY FUCKING IMPORTANT.

ACTUALLY, WHEN YOU'VE DONE THAT, MAKE SURE TO BRING THAT STASIS FIELD POWER ADAPTER HERE. I MIGHT NEED THAT EXTRA POWER TO CHARGE MY DATA SLATE TO PLAY WHATEVER NEW BATTLEMACE 42 MILLION GAME IS OUT, OR WHATEVER ELSE MIGHT EXIST. NOT CALL OF DUTY THOUGH, THEY SERIOUSLY NEED TO STOP RELEASING THOSE SHITTY FUCKING REHASH GAMES EVERY YEAR.

Right...my Lord, I'll make sure not to forget it this time... [Untrustworthy Chuckles]

ACTUALLY, COME TO THINK OF IT, ARE THE ULTRAMARINES SOMEHOW CONNECTED TO ALL BAD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED FOR THE LAST 10,000 YEARS? IT FEELS LIKE WE KEEP BRINGING THEM UP ALL THE TIME.

Well, they've kinda become the poster-boys of the Imperium so, we can't really avoid mentioning them. Oh! Speaking of which, I actually remember the name of that thieving Chapter now!

REALLY? WHAT IS IT THEN.

The name of the chapter is the Blo-

DUWANG!!!

“拜托了……別再來了……”這是房間內(nèi)每個人都在呢喃的話語。

I am soooooo sorry for interupting you, little kitten, but we have something very important to inform you about.

OH SHIT, IT'S MY ETERNAL TORMENT UPON THIS THRONE MADE MANIFEST AGAIN.

“要是我也在你的位置上，我也會這么說?！钡刍枢止局?/p>

You see, we were outside the Palace travelling through he spires of Terra when we noticed that everything was on fire.

Not in the usual sacred incense burning way either!

Mmmyes, indeed. Apparently there are Inquisitors running amok all around the planet. They are looking for the one who sent that message demanding the disbanding of the Inquisition and Adeptus Ministorum.

SO THEY HAVE ARRIVED.

“父親，那是什么？”

“等會再說，圣吉列斯，這會把驚喜劇透掉的。”

Holy imperator berries, really!?

康拉德尋思著，“高堅果？那我更喜歡喬庫拉伯爵?！?/p>

Really. I suggest you go to the High Lords immediately. Perhaps the Inquisitorial Representative can be argued with.

If not we can just, y'know...eat him or something...

There is no time to be lost, let's go!

*Fabstodes prance away, leaving a barely hopped kitten behind*

I'm fucking done *CLANK*.

此事一出，除了羅格多恩與佩圖拉博，房間里沒一張正臉。

==Senatorum Imperialis==

I was foolish to believe you would hold a promise like this one. You are untrustworthy filth, not ever worthy of the Emperor's blessing!

I am the only one here worthy of the Emperor's blessing! I am the only one who is going to save him from his very own corrupt bodyguards!

You are NOT entering the Palace, Fyodor!

I would like to see you try and stop me!

I'll gladly show you! GUARDS!

*Appearance of female Adeptus Arbites*

Stop, you have violated the law!....RAWR!

“我甚至都不知道該對此說什么?！蔽挚餐纯嗌胍鳌?/p>

[Inquisitorial Sigh]

Ah, Fyodor! We're surrounded!

Be quiet, Dominique!

Well here we are, Fyodor. At long last I can put you, and your miserable little cult away. Never to interfere with the Emperor's will again.

Hmm...Ahahahahahahaha!

Foolish! Have you forgotten that my throne is a massive weapon arsenal?

Oh, Shit!

*Arbites get Throne-PAWNED*

“也許我應(yīng)該在回到泰拉時將這個功能添加到王座中。”帝皇心想。

Hey Ecclesiarch, we're gonna light you up. Like a sandpaper cigarette...IF I HAD ONE!

“所以砂紙煙到底是什么東西？”

“我要是知道那肯定是亞空間作祟，兄弟?！?/p>

Grrrrrhh...

[Content Inquisitorial Laughter]

Oh, Ecclesiarch...If you and the rest of Terra do not meet my demands, I will have this entire room, and all of its inhabitants fall prey to my Throne of Judgement! It is too bad for you that this 'passive decree' is still in effect, isn't it?

Fyodor, you absolute ass...

“別擔心，兄弟。禁軍馬上就到。”洛嘉輕聲細語。

Aww, don't feel too bad. Hehehe...At least my Melta will fry you away from this existence, instead of splattering your blood across the floor! Because that was your primary concern, wasn't it?

Now...I'm going into that Palace, and I alone, will save the Emperor...AND THE IMPERIUM OF MAN!!

SEASON 1 END.

“嗯?，F(xiàn)在局勢已經(jīng)到了緊要關(guān)頭。父親，無論你有什么準備，我都希望你盡快去做。我已經(jīng)厭倦了我們生活的這個破碎的星系，我希望能看到一些東西；即使最后只是虛構(gòu)的好結(jié)局?！笔ゼ兴沟吐曊f道。

“我自己這么希望，我的兒子。真的，我也是這么想的?！?/p>