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Those days in hospital were the most anxiety and stress free days I can remember the past 6 years, those were my true vacations as depressing as it might sound. The relief of going from extreme pain to none, knowing that no one is expecting anything other than for you to wait it out (which is the only way of treating pancreatitis) and then recover was huge. It was an extreme relief considering the insane schedule I had kept up until that point.

住院期間是我過去6年中最沒有焦慮和壓力的日子，這是真正的假期，雖然聽起來很壓抑。從極度疼痛到疼痛消失，知道沒有人期望你做任何事情，只能等待（這是治療胰腺炎的唯一方法），然后康復(fù)，我感到如釋重負(fù)?？紤]到此前我一直保持著瘋狂的日程安排，這是極大的解脫。

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? ??

?‘DO YOU LOVE ME?’

“你 愛 我 嗎？”

‘Ya I said I love u more than u love me!!!’

“對啊我說過，我愛你勝過你愛我?。?！”

‘No way.’

“不可能?！?/span>

Tim was lying on the black leather sofa in the apartment on Karlav?gen and texting with his girlfriend, who was still in the USA. The pain wasn’t as intense as it had been in the hospital, but on the other hand it was constant. As soon as Tim woke up, his stomach cramped. Then the pain was there, like an endless rumble in his body; it hurt whenever he moved.

Tim躺在卡拉維根公寓的黑色皮沙發(fā)上，與還在美國的女友發(fā)短信。疼痛并不像在醫(yī)院時那么劇烈，但是持續(xù)不停。一旦Tim醒來，他的胃就會抽搐。然后疼痛席卷而來，像他身體內(nèi)無盡的隆隆聲；每次他移動都會疼痛。

But it was nice to be home in Stockholm again. The bathroom needed to be tiled, the new kitchen counter wasn’t yet in place. But Klas had still done a good job, the old attic was almost exactly how Tim wanted it. Glittering black surfaces, minimalist and modern. Tim wondered if it would work to have a wine cooler built into the wall. And he wanted a plaster fireplace, one that always glowed with heat.

但是回到斯德哥爾摩的家中感覺很好。浴室需要鋪瓷磚，新的廚房臺面還沒有安裝好。但是Klas做得很好，老閣樓幾乎完全符合Tim的要求。閃閃發(fā)光的黑色表面，體現(xiàn)了極簡主義和現(xiàn)代感。Tim想知道是否能在墻上建一個酒柜。他還想要一個石膏壁爐，一個總是發(fā)出熱量的壁爐。

He had rested on the sofa looking for a place that he and Emily could rent during their holiday trip to Saint-Barthélemy. A couple of gigs in Malm? and Oslo had been taken off the schedule and finally he would be able get away for a few days and just chill on a Caribbean beach and turn brown.

他躺在沙發(fā)上，正在尋找他和Emily可以在前往圣巴泰勒米島度假期間租住的地方。在馬爾默和奧斯陸的幾場演出已經(jīng)取消，終于，他能夠抽出幾天時間，到加勒比海灘上放松一下，曬成棕色。

The TV in the background broadcast the Grammis Awards, where the year’s best Swedish artists and producers were celebrated. To the record company’s annoyance, Tim had refused to attend the ceremony, instead lying here and watching himself be crowned artist of the year and ‘Levels’ being named the best song of 2011.

背景里的電視正在播放格萊美獎的頒獎典禮，慶祝年度最佳瑞典藝術(shù)家和制作人。令唱片公司感到惱火的是，Tim拒絕參加頒獎典禮，而是躺在這里看著自己被加冕為年度藝術(shù)家，Levels被評為2011年最佳歌曲。

‘Mah bebe,’ wrote Emily Goldberg. ‘Did u win????’

“算了，寶貝，”Emily Goldberg寫道，“你贏了嗎？？？？”

‘Two prizes baby,’ Tim replied.

“贏得了兩個獎項，寶貝，”Tim回復(fù)。

‘My bf is a star!!!!! You’re like Brad Pitt.’

“我的男朋友是明星?。。。?！你就像布拉德皮特。”

Accompanied by his father, Tim had gone to a doctor in Stockholm for a follow-up check on his stomach, and the message had not been very uplifting.

Tim和他的父親一起去斯德哥爾摩的醫(yī)院進(jìn)行胃部復(fù)查，但醫(yī)生傳達(dá)的消息并不讓人振奮。

He would no longer be able to eat things like pizza and burgers: fatty food would irritate the inflammation in his stomach. He was not allowed to drink alcohol for several months. To relieve his pain, more painkillers had been prescribed.

他再也不能吃像披薩和漢堡這樣的高脂肪食物了：這些食物會刺激他胃里的炎癥。他幾個月內(nèi)不能喝酒。為了緩解他的疼痛，醫(yī)生開了更多的止痛藥。

Tim contemplated. The opioids he had been given at the hospital in New York had been a mixture of oxycodone and paracetamol, but these new pills seemed to contain only oxycodone. It should make them weaker, he reasoned – there was only one active substance in them?

Tim陷入沉思。他在紐約醫(yī)院所服用的阿片類藥物是羥考酮和對乙酰氨基酚的混合物，但這些新藥片似乎只含有羥考酮。他認(rèn)為這樣會使藥效變得更弱——畢竟它們只含有一種活性成分。

He asked Emily over WhatsApp, but she did not really know either.

他通過WhatsApp問了Emily，但她也不是很清楚。

‘Just be careful,’ his girlfriend wrote. ‘That stuff is really addictive.’

“最好小心一點，”他的女朋友寫道，“這些成分很容易上癮。”

‘Noo I’ll be fine baby,’ Tim replied, describing the miracle of the medicine. The cramps in his stomach were completely resolved. Instead, butterflies flew through his body, making him pleased and relaxed.

“沒事寶貝，我會好的，”Tim回答道，形容著藥物帶來的奇跡。他胃里的痙攣完全消失了。取而代之的是蝴蝶在他的身體里飛舞，讓他感到愉悅和放松。

For the moment there was nothing he needed to do but find a kick-ass house in the Caribbean and chat with Emily.

此刻，他只需要在加勒比海找到一個超贊的房子，與Emily聊天就可以了。

‘I love you baby.’

“我愛你寶貝?！?/span>

‘I love you so much baby.’

“我太愛你了寶貝?！?/span>

He could not get enough of writing the words.

他無法滿足于這些文字。

‘I hope we’ll be together forever.’

“我希望我們能永遠(yuǎn)在一起?！?/span>

After a while, his girlfriend reacted.

過了一會兒，他的女朋友回應(yīng)了。

‘U don’t love me,’ she teased. ‘U only talk to me when you are high on those pills.’

“你不愛我，”她嬉笑著說，“你只有在吃了那些藥片后才會和我說話?！?/span>

‘I do love u. These pills haven’t started working yet. My tummy doesn’t hurt that bad but I’m taking the pills as a precaution.’

“我真的愛你。這些藥片還沒有起效。我的肚子疼得不是很厲害，但我還是預(yù)防性地吃了藥。”

‘Hahaha. Baaaby, that’s what addicts saaayy.’

“哈哈哈。寶貝，只有癮君子才會說這些話?！?/span>

‘Haha I know. Only difference is that I’m not gonna take more pills after this.’

“哈哈，我知道。唯一的區(qū)別是我不會在這之后再服用更多的藥片了。”