Hello, my lovely readers. I hope you’re having a great day. After all, today is a special one.?

That’s right, it’s Wednesday! Yuppie!! Woohoo!!

Alright, no. Just kidding. Happy international women’s day, everyone!?

Speaking of that, I have a little newsflash for those who don’t know yet: I am a man.?

I know. A little weird thing about myself to bring up randomly. I’m not one to tell people about my identity. I’m more of a story teller. In fact, isn’t it a logical fallacy to care more about the speaker’s identity than what the speakers say? But you know what? For today’s case, I’ll bring it up nonetheless, and you’ll know why soon enough.

When I was little, I always heard people around me say a certain adage. This adage was endorsed and pronounced by anyone. Parents, friends, teachers, or even strangers. You could hear this from people of all ages, children, teenagers, adults, the elderly. It isn’t even limited by gender, either. Basically, it seems like a saying that almost every group has some degree of acceptance, at least enough to let it not only exist, but to also spread across the human race. And that saying is this sentence:

“Men need to be strong”.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “James, isn’t this entry about women? Why are you bringing up men?” Oh, don’t draw that line too soon, reader. Anyways, unless you’ve been living under a rock, or someplace in the future, you would be aware that people have high expectations towards men’s strength. This “strength” is, of course, not just relegated to physical strength. Otherwise we would see burly men walking all over the place. Modern day civilization is obviously not Ancient Sparta, where boys are thrown into the wild and must survive on their own without parental supervision.?

But yeah, this strength meant both physical and mental. On top of being able to lift 100 pounds, society also expects men to harbour fortitude, resilience, courage, wisdom, and many other traits and qualities. And this “strength” isn’t just a synonym for “power” in the context of this saying. It also means capacities. The idea that men should be able to do things, especially challenging missions. Whatever makes the man seem impressive and competent.

Now, I agree with that statement for the most part. Being strong is important, especially in a merciless society like ours. But there is one thing I’ve always found strange.

Why don’t we have the same encouragement or expectations towards women??

Almost every talk about needing to be strong are focused towards or directed to or centered around men. Sayings or adages about women being strong or capable are significantly rarer, and less commonly endorsed or spread. And that’s even in today’s day and age. If we go back around 10 to 20 years, those types of sayings are almost never talked about.?

And again, you can’t really say “well, because men on average are physically stronger than women”, because we’ve already established that strength goes beyond how much you can lift with your sweaty flesh and bones. So any biological essentialist defenses go straight out of the window.

But the problem doesn’t end at low expectations towards women. If any woman goes above those low expectations and wants to act her own way, society tends to act…rather negatively. You can often hear things like “you’re doing something unladylike”, or “you’re doing something boys do”, or, even more hilarious, “you’re being too masculine”. As if a woman being strong makes her less of a woman, but instead, a “man-woman hybrid”. Or even “a man under a woman’s skin”. Even though, no. She’s just a woman who happens to be strong. Nothing more, nothing less.?

And women don’t even need to go to impressive lengths for negative reactions to happen. Something as simple or inoffensive as playing sports or working out at a gym can be enough to get funny looks from others. Fortunately, these types of strange behaviour are becoming less common. But it just goes to show you how we are so ingrained to associate strength with men, almost exclusively.

It’s as if society not only passively believes or even actively expects women to be weak and stay weak. And that if a woman dares to be strong, capable, or competent in any way, she’s seen as a problem or a glitch in the system that needs to be “fixed”. It’s honestly quite staggering. Possibly the most common and concerning place that this issue gets exposed is none other than the workplace.?

How do people tend to react when they see a woman working? Are they really impressed? Or do they think she’s making a mistake? Or, do they just see someone who is just pursuing her own interests and striving to make a living for herself, much like everyone else in this world?

In China, there is a phrase called “女強(qiáng)人”, which literally translates to “female strongman”. Sounds like quite the impressive title, eh? How powerful or physically strong of a woman do you have to be to earn that?

Turns out, “女強(qiáng)人” literally just means any woman who has found success in her career. That’s literally it.?

Finding employment success is considered to be one of the most normal and mundane things for us men. If anything, it’s actually considered a bare minimum for us to be considered “doing well”. So why is it such a big deal when women do the same??

Now, I get it. In the workforce, women are at a disadvantage compared to men, so that’s why she needs to work harder and dedicate more to achieve the same as a man would. But the reason why that is the case is exactly the thing I’m arguing against: sexism.

We clearly don’t think women working is normal. We harbour prejudice towards them, or we flat out think they’re making a mistake. I cannot count how many times a woman is shunned because she wants to pursue a job instead of being a stay-in-home wife. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a housewife, if anything they deserve far more credit than they get now. But that’s a whole new topic.?

Because what’s far more alarming to me is that we already live in 2023 and there are still people who unironically blurt out things like “a woman’s place is not in the office”, or “a woman should bear children for her husband.” Yes, Kakapos may be on the verge of extinction, but these stupid sayings are still alive and well. Maybe my facial skin is too thin, but I honestly have no idea how anyone can say that without any embarrassment or shame whatsoever.

Now, I understand that the idea of letting women do whatever they want as long as it harms no one is a rather distant position for us. Let’s face it, not even us men get to have that luxury, as advantageous as things are for us.?

Speaking of men, don’t even make me get into women who work that are also married. That’s a whole other can of worms to open. Society expects the man to be the strong and capable one, and, by extension, expects the woman to be the weak and submissive one. Thus, a woman working in a married couple is, subsequently, viewed as an oddity.?

I’ve heard many people say “You let your woman work?!”?

First of all, what the hell do you mean “l(fā)et”? Her working is her decision. She’s a grown adult. She’s clearly old enough to make her own decisions. I’m her husband, not her father, and even if I were, she still gets to make her own decisions.?

But yeah, clearly the above is yet another demonstration of society being sexist towards women. But when we combine working with marriage, another layer of the issue is introduced.

Men tend to feel bad, emasculated, or even humiliated when their wives make an income. If she’s the only one making an income and the father takes care of the house, then the man faces even more scrutiny. The man is often called “worthless” or “soft”, or, worse yet, “not a man” if he’s the one staying at home while his wife is out working, which is really weird, because, isn’t housework also “work”??

You see, by denigrating men who do housework, you’re also degrading the women who are stay-at-home wives, as if their job in the house is considered less valuable, even though that clearly is not the case, unless it should not be.

I often hear the statement, “it’s a man’s job to lift up the house”. Shouldn’t the woman also have responsibility, because, you know, it’s her house, too? It’s not like women lack the capability or the skills. And if there is anything that does stop that from women from getting what it takes, it’s sexism.?

“But James, its because the man takes care of income so the woman can raise children. That’s why women need to be the ones staying at home”

Even if we assume all married couples want to bear and raise children, shouldn’t the man also take a part of the responsibility in raising the kid, because, um, well, you know, it’s his fucking child too?!?

You can say that giving birth is something women must do, but taking care of children is certainly not something that only women have the capability to do. If anything, this sentiment is often used to discourage women from choosing to work, because now we treat raising children as a mission bound to a gender. If you’re a man who wants to take care of his own child and help out your own wife? Too bad! That job is placed in the hands of the women…against HER will!

But, furthermore, this type of systemic sexism is exactly what keeps men bad fathers, if they ever are. We are socially engineered to believe mothers as the child-raisers, alienating fathers from the rightful duty of raising children, subsequently making them less apt at raising kids. See, it’s a vicious cycle. This type of encouraged negligence and detachment of fathers from their children is literally a snake eating its own tail.

But honestly, even without a children in the picture, there is some weird insecurity about women being the income makers in a household. To this day, there are a lot of men who say “as the man of the house, I need to be the one to lift up the roofs and bring food on the table.”??

Actually, scratch it. We don’t even need to talk about women working a job. The simple act of a woman giving or lending her husband money or any type of financial aid can arouse a sense of male insecurity. And if the man doesn’t feel bad, society will make it its sworn mission to make him feel bad. All because he dared to accept help from a woman, as if anything that comes from a woman’s hand is tainted or poisonous that will corrode the man’s status as a “man”.?

And you know what’s even funnier? Those same men who would NEVER accept help from, not just any random woman, but even their wives. Their wives!?

But wait! Those same men are completely fine with borrowing money from their male friends, but the moment her wife, not just any woman, but the woman he’s married to, goes out of her way to help the man, suddenly he has an issue with accepting the help?

Dude. Why??

Let me drop a truth bomb for you real quick: if you’re doing something just to avoid “not looking like a man”, then you’re not doing it for your wife. You’re doing it for no one but yourself. Your act contains no altruism and is completely selfish, and you view women as nothing but set up fodders to inflate your own ego.?

Oh, and you’re needlessly insecure. Trust me, you’re not less of a man just because a woman wants to make your life easier, especially financially.?

On that note, here’s a bit of a side rant. Could someone please tell me what exactly is so offensive about splitting the bill when going on dates?

Like, I get it. It’s a kind gesture. But with how people react to it, it feels much more like an obligation, and that if you fail to adhere to this arbitrarily established societal duty, you did a bad thing or are a bad person.?

Also, why are we adding a weird gender aspect to this thing? If paying for dates is just kindness and decency, then why is it such a big deal when the woman does it? Like, if a woman even suggests to split the bill at the date, and the man agrees the offer, and either tells this story to their friends, you can pray that neither will run into outrage one way or another.?

Why can’t an act of kindness just be an act of kindness?

It really is funny how we are so ingrained into viewing men as strong and capable and women being weak and powerless that if we ever see the existence of a mere exception, we act like something is wrong, even though nothing is really wrong at all. Even funnier, this sexist attitude doesn’t just hold women back in many ways, but it also places needless pressure on men. Seriously, I am amazed at how easy it is for women to make men insecure, even though THEY are the underprivileged gender!?

I am honestly just barely scratching the surface of the many issues about gender that the modern day world still faces. This is honestly such a big rabbit hole that I would need dozens upon dozens of entries just to cover all the topics I know, let alone things I don’t know just yet.?

But one thing I do know is that we are indeed moving to a better place at the time being. At least there’s a reason to feel happy, especially on International Women’s Day.

And for anyone who is saying “but what about International Men’s Day?” Don’t worry, there IS an International Men’s Day: November 19th. And trust me, I have a FAT load to drop.

But that would be a story for a later day. For now, I want to thank you for taking the time out of this International Women’s Day to read this article, and I’ll see you next time. Peace be with you all!