看完電影找了一下小說(shuō)中出現(xiàn)的郵件

中文翻譯來(lái)自微軟翻譯

YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER

你是一個(gè)黑暗巫師

HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 6/8/20 3:23 PM
亨利·< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-6-8 下午3：23

TO A?

Alex,

I can’t think of a single other way to start this email except to say, and I do hope you will forgive both my language and my utter lack of restraint: You are so fucking beautiful.
我想不出任何其他方式來(lái)開始這封電子郵件，除了說(shuō)，我希望你能原諒我的語(yǔ)言和我完全缺乏克制：你太他媽的漂亮了。

I’ve been useless for a week, driven around for appearances and meetings, lucky if I’ve made a single meaningful contribution to any of them. How is a man to get anything done knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz is out there on the loose? I am driven to distraction.
我已經(jīng)無(wú)用了一個(gè)星期，開車到處露面和開會(huì)，幸運(yùn)的是，如果我對(duì)其中任何一個(gè)做出了有意義的貢獻(xiàn)。一個(gè)男人如何完成任何事情，知道亞歷克斯克萊蒙特 - 迪亞茲在那里松散？我被驅(qū)使分心。

It’s all bloody useless because when I’m not thinking about your face, I’m thinking about your arse or your hands or your smart mouth. I suspect the latter is what got me into this predicament in the first place. Nobody’s ever got the nerve to be cheeky to a prince, except you. The moment you first called me a prick, my fate was sealed. O, fathers of my bloodline! O, ye kings of olde! Take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. If only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when American boys with chin dimples are mean to him.
這一切都是血腥的無(wú)用的，因?yàn)楫?dāng)我不考慮你的臉時(shí)，我會(huì)考慮你的屁股或你的手或你聰明的嘴。我懷疑后者是最初讓我陷入這種困境的原因。除了你，從來(lái)沒有人有勇氣對(duì)王子厚顏無(wú)恥。從你第一次罵我是刺的那一刻起，我的命運(yùn)就注定了。哦，我血統(tǒng)的父親！哦，你們這些古老的國(guó)王！從我這里拿走這冠冕，把我埋在我祖先的土地上。要是你知道你的腰部的偉大工作會(huì)被一個(gè)喜歡下巴酒窩的美國(guó)男孩對(duì)他刻薄的同性戀繼承人破壞。

Actually, remember those gay kings I mentioned? I feel that James I, who fell madly in love with a very fit and exceptionally dim knight at a titling match and immediately made him a gentleman of the bedchamber (a real title), would take mercy upon my particular plight.
其實(shí)，還記得我提到的那些同性戀國(guó)王嗎？我覺得詹姆斯一世在一場(chǎng)標(biāo)題比賽中瘋狂地愛上了一個(gè)非常健康且異?；璋档尿T士，并立即讓他成為寢室的紳士（一個(gè)真正的頭銜），會(huì)憐憫我的特殊困境。

I’ll be damned but I miss you.
我會(huì)該死的，但我想念你。

x

Henry

RE: YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER
回復(fù)：你是一個(gè)黑暗巫師

A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 6/8/20 5:02 PM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-6-8 下午5：02

TO HENRY

H,

Are you implying that you’re James I and I’m some hot, dumb jock? I’m more than fantastic bone structure and an ass you can bounce a quarter on, Henry!!!!
你是在暗示你是詹姆斯一世，而我是一個(gè)熱辣的、愚蠢的運(yùn)動(dòng)員嗎？我不僅僅是夢(mèng)幻般的骨骼結(jié)構(gòu)和一個(gè)你可以彈跳四分之一的屁股，亨利!!!

Don’t apologize for calling me pretty. Because then you’re putting me in a position where I have to apologize for saying you blew my fucking mind in LA and I’m gonna die if it doesn’t happen again soon. How’s that for lack of restraint, huh? You really wanna play that game with me?
不要為稱我漂亮而道歉。因?yàn)槟菢幽惆盐曳旁谝粋€(gè)位置上，我必須道歉，因?yàn)槟阍诼迳即壸屛宜麐尩念^腦大吃一驚，如果它不很快再次發(fā)生，我會(huì)死的。這是怎么回事，因?yàn)槿狈酥?，是吧？你真的想和我玩那個(gè)游戲？

Listen: I’ll fly to London right now and pull you out of whatever pointless meeting you’re in and make you admit how much you love it when I call you “baby.” I’ll take you apart with my teeth, sweetheart.
聽著：我現(xiàn)在就飛到倫敦，把你從你參加的任何毫無(wú)意義的會(huì)議中拉出來(lái)，讓你承認(rèn)當(dāng)我叫你“寶貝”時(shí)你有多喜歡它。我會(huì)用牙齒把你拆開，親愛的。

xoxo

A

RE: YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER
回復(fù)：你是一個(gè)黑暗巫師

HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 6/8/20 7:21 PM
亨利·< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-6-8 下午7：21

TO A

Alex,

You know, when you go to Oxford to get a degree in English literature, as I have, people always want to know who your favorite English author is.
你知道，當(dāng)你像我一樣去牛津大學(xué)攻讀英國(guó)文學(xué)學(xué)位時(shí)，人們總是想知道你最喜歡的英語(yǔ)作家是誰(shuí)。

The press team compiled a list of acceptable answers. They wanted a realist, so I suggested George Eliot—no, Eliot was actually Mary Anne Evans under a pen name, not a strong male author. They wanted one of the inventors of the English novel, so I suggested Daniel Defoe—no, he was a dissenter from the Church of England. At one point, I threw out Jonathan Swift just to watch the collective coronary they had at the thought of an Irish political satirist.
新聞團(tuán)隊(duì)編制了一份可接受的答案清單。他們想要一個(gè)現(xiàn)實(shí)主義者，所以我建議喬治·艾略特——不，艾略特實(shí)際上是瑪麗·安妮·埃文斯的筆名，而不是一個(gè)強(qiáng)大的男性作家。他們想要一位英國(guó)小說(shuō)的發(fā)明者，所以我推薦丹尼爾·笛福——不，他是英國(guó)國(guó)教的持不同政見者。有一次，我扔掉了喬納森·斯威夫特（Jonathan Swift），只是為了觀察他們想到愛爾蘭政治諷刺作家時(shí)的集體冠狀動(dòng)脈。

In the end they picked Dickens, which is hilarious. They wanted something less fruity than the truth, but truly, what is gayer than a woman who languishes away in a crumbling mansion wearing her wedding gown every day of her life, for the drama?
最后他們選擇了狄更斯，這很搞笑。他們想要的東西比真相更不果味，但實(shí)際上，為了戲劇，一個(gè)女人每天都穿著婚紗在搖搖欲墜的豪宅里苦苦掙扎，還有什么比同性戀呢？

The fruity truth: My favorite English author is Jane Austen.
果實(shí)真相：我最喜歡的英國(guó)作家是簡(jiǎn)·奧斯汀。

So, to borrow a passage from?Sense and Sensibility: “You want nothing but patience—or give it a more fascinating name, call it hope.” To paraphrase: I hope to see you put your green American money where your filthy mouth is soon.
所以，借用《理智與情感》中的一段話：“你只想要耐心——或者給它起一個(gè)更迷人的名字，叫它希望吧。套用一句話：我希望看到你很快把綠色的美國(guó)錢放在你骯臟的嘴巴上。

Yours in sexual frustration,
你在性挫折中，

Henry

A MASS OF FOOLS AND KNAVES
一群傻瓜和傻瓜

A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 8/10/20 1:04 AM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-8-10 上午1：04

TO HENRY

H,

Have you ever read any of Alexander Hamilton’s letters to John Laurens?
你讀過(guò)亞歷山大·漢密爾頓寫給約翰·勞倫斯的信嗎？

What am I saying? Of course you haven’t. You’d probably be disinherited for revolutionary sympathies.
我在說(shuō)什么？你當(dāng)然沒有。你可能會(huì)因?yàn)楦锩槎粍儕Z繼承權(quán)。

Well, since I got the boot from the campaign, there is literally nothing for me to do but watch cable news (diligently chipping away at my brain cells by the day), reread Harry Potter, and sort through all my old shit from college. Just looking at papers, thinking: Excellent, yes, I’m so glad I stayed up all night writing this for a 98 in the class, only to get summarily fired from the first job I ever had and exiled to my bedroom! Great job, Alex!
好吧，自從我從競(jìng)選中獲得啟動(dòng)以來(lái)，我實(shí)際上無(wú)事可做，只能看有線電視新聞（每天努力地削掉我的腦細(xì)胞），重讀哈利波特，整理我大學(xué)里的所有舊狗屎。只是看著論文，想：太好了，是的，我很高興我熬夜為班上的98分寫這篇文章，結(jié)果被我有過(guò)的第一份工作立即解雇并流放到我的臥室！干得好，亞歷克斯！

Is this how you feel in the palace all the time? It fucking?sucks,?man.
這就是你在宮里一直的感覺嗎？這他媽的很糟糕，伙計(jì)。

So anyway, I’m going through my college stuff, and I find this analysis I did of Hamilton’s wartime correspondence, and hear me out: I think Hamilton could have been bi. His letters to Laurens are almost as romantic as his letters to his wife. Half of them are signed “Yours” or “Affectionately yrs,” and the last one before Laurens died is signed “Yrs for ever.” I can’t figure out why nobody talks about the possibility of a Founding Father being not straight (outside of Chernow’s biography, which is great btw, see attached bibliography). I mean, I?know?why, but.
所以無(wú)論如何，我正在瀏覽我的大學(xué)知識(shí)，我找到了我對(duì)漢密爾頓戰(zhàn)時(shí)通信的分析，并聽我說(shuō)：我認(rèn)為漢密爾頓可能是雙性戀。他寫給勞倫斯的信幾乎和他給妻子的信一樣浪漫。其中一半簽名為“你的”或“深情的年份”，勞倫斯去世前的最后一部分簽名為“永遠(yuǎn)的Yrs ”。我不明白為什么沒有人談?wù)撻_國(guó)元?jiǎng)撞皇侵苯亓水?dāng)?shù)目赡苄裕ǔ饲袪栔Z的傳記，順便說(shuō)一句，這很棒，見隨附的參考書目）。我的意思是，我知道為什么，但是。

Anyway, I found this part of a letter he wrote to Laurens, and it made me think of you. And me, I guess:
無(wú)論如何，我找到了他寫給勞倫斯的一封信的這一部分，這讓我想起了你。而我，我猜：

The truth is I am an unlucky honest man, that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity. I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you . . .
事實(shí)是，我是一個(gè)不幸的誠(chéng)實(shí)人，向所有人表達(dá)我的情感并強(qiáng)調(diào)。我對(duì)你說(shuō)這些是因?yàn)槟阒肋@一點(diǎn)，不會(huì)指責(zé)我虛榮心。我恨國(guó)會(huì)——我恨軍隊(duì)——我恨世界——我恨我自己。整體是一團(tuán)傻瓜和傻瓜;我?guī)缀蹩梢猿四恪?/p>

Thinking about history makes me wonder how I’ll fit into it one day, I guess. And you too. I kinda wish people still wrote like that.
我想，思考?xì)v史讓我想知道有一天我會(huì)如何融入它。還有你。我有點(diǎn)希望人們?nèi)匀贿@樣寫。

History, huh? Bet we could make some.
歷史，是吧？打賭我們可以做一些。

Affectionately yrs, slowly going insane,
深情地哀嚎著，慢慢地發(fā)瘋，

Alex, First Son of Founding Father Sacrilege
亞歷克斯，開國(guó)元?jiǎng)滓C瀆神明的長(zhǎng)子

RE: A MASS OF FOOLS AND KNAVES
回復(fù)：一群傻瓜和傻瓜

HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 8/10/20 4:18 AM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-8-10 上午4：18

TO A

Alex, First Son of Masturbatory Historical Readings:
亞歷克斯，自慰歷史讀物的第一個(gè)兒子：

The phrase “see attached bibliography” is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me.
“見附書目”這句話是你寫給我的最性感的東西。

Every time you mention your slow decay inside the White House, I can’t help but feel it’s my fault, and I feel absolutely shit about it. I’m sorry. I should have known better than to turn up at a thing like that. I got carried away; I didn’t think. I know how much that job meant to you.
每次你提到你在白宮的緩慢衰敗，我都會(huì)忍不住覺得這是我的錯(cuò)，我對(duì)此感到非常糟糕。對(duì)不起。我應(yīng)該知道比出現(xiàn)在這樣的事情上更好。我得意忘形了;我沒想到。我知道這份工作對(duì)你有多重要。

I just want to . . . you know. Extend the option. If you wanted less of me, and more of that—the work, the uncomplicated things—I would understand. Truly.
我只是想。。。你知道的。擴(kuò)展選項(xiàng)。如果你想要的不是我，多一些——工作，簡(jiǎn)單的事情——我會(huì)理解的。真正。

In any event . . . Believe it or not, I have actually done a bit of reading on Hamilton, for a number of reasons. First, he was a brilliant writer. Second, I knew you were named after him (the pair of you share an alarming number of traits, by the by: passionate determination, never knowing when to shut up, &c &c). And third, some saucy tart once tried to impugn my virtue against an oil painting of him, and in the halls of memory, some things demand context.
無(wú)論如何。信不信由你，出于多種原因，我實(shí)際上已經(jīng)對(duì)漢密爾頓進(jìn)行了一些閱讀。首先，他是一位才華橫溢的作家。其次，我知道你是以他的名字命名的（你們倆有著驚人的特征，通過(guò)：熱情的決心，永遠(yuǎn)不知道什么時(shí)候閉嘴，等等）。第三，一些俏皮的蛋撻曾經(jīng)試圖指責(zé)我的美德反對(duì)他的油畫，在記憶的大廳里，有些事情需要背景。

Are you angling for a revolutionary soldier role-play scenario? I must inform you, any trace of King George III blood I have would curdle in my very veins and render me useless to you.
您是否正在為革命士兵角色扮演場(chǎng)景而垂釣？我必須告訴你，我身上任何一絲喬治三世國(guó)王的血脈都會(huì)在我的血管里凝結(jié)，使我對(duì)你毫無(wú)用處。

Or are you suggesting you’d rather exchange passionate letters by candlelight?
或者你是在暗示你寧愿在燭光下交換熱情洋溢的信件？

Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I’ve just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?
我應(yīng)該告訴你，當(dāng)我們分開時(shí)，你的身體會(huì)在夢(mèng)中回到我身邊嗎？睡覺的時(shí)候，我看到你，你的腰部凹陷，你臀部上方的雀斑，當(dāng)我早上醒來(lái)時(shí)，感覺就像我剛剛和你在一起一樣，你的手在我脖子后面的幻影觸摸新鮮，沒有想象？我能感覺到你的皮膚貼著我的皮膚，它讓我身體的每一根骨頭都疼？那，有那么一會(huì)兒，我可以屏住呼吸，和你一起回到那里，在夢(mèng)里，在一千個(gè)房間里，什么都沒有？

I think perhaps Hamilton said it better in a letter to Eliza:
我想也許漢密爾頓在給伊麗莎的一封信中說(shuō)得更好：

You engross my thoughts too intirely to allow me to think of any thing else—you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep. I meet you in every dream—and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness.
你太過(guò)貪婪地吸引著我的思想，讓我無(wú)法思考其他任何事情——你不僅整天都在動(dòng)我的思想;但你打擾了我的睡眠。我在每個(gè)夢(mèng)中都遇見你——當(dāng)我醒來(lái)時(shí)，我不能再閉上眼睛，沉思你的甜蜜。

If you did decide to take the option mentioned at the start of this email, I do hope you haven’t read the rest of this rubbish.
如果您確實(shí)決定采用本電子郵件開頭提到的選項(xiàng)，我希望您沒有閱讀其余的垃圾。

Regards,

Haplessly Romantic Heretic Prince Henry the Utterly Daft
倒霉的浪漫異端亨利王子完全愚蠢

RE: A MASS OF FOOLS AND KNAVES
回復(fù)：一群傻瓜和傻瓜

A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 8/10/20 5:36 AM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-8-10 上午5：36

TO HENRY

H,

Please don’t be stupid. No part of any of this will ever be uncomplicated.
請(qǐng)不要愚蠢。其中任何一部分都不會(huì)是簡(jiǎn)單的。

Anyway, you should be a writer. You are a writer.
無(wú)論如何，你應(yīng)該成為一名作家。你是一個(gè)作家。

Even after all this, I still always feel like I want to know more of you. Does that sound crazy? I just sit here and wonder, who is this person who knows stuff about Hamilton and writes like this? Where does someone like that even come from? How was I so wrong?
即使經(jīng)歷了這一切，我仍然覺得我想更多地了解你。這聽起來(lái)很瘋狂嗎？我只是坐在這里想知道，這個(gè)了解漢密爾頓并寫成這樣的人是誰(shuí)？這樣的人從何而來(lái)？我怎么錯(cuò)了？

It’s weird because I always know things about people, gut feelings that usually lead me in more or less the right direction. I do think I got a gut feeling with you, I just didn’t have what I needed in my head to understand it. But I kind of kept chasing it anyway, like I was just going blindly in a certain direction and hoping for the best. I guess that makes you the North Star?
這很奇怪，因?yàn)槲铱偸橇私馊藗兊氖虑?，直覺通常會(huì)或多或少地引導(dǎo)我走向正確的方向。我確實(shí)認(rèn)為我對(duì)你有一種直覺，我只是腦子里沒有我需要的東西來(lái)理解它。但我還是一直在追逐它，就像我只是盲目地朝著某個(gè)方向前進(jìn)，希望得到最好的結(jié)果。我想這會(huì)讓你成為北極星嗎？

I wanna see you again and soon. I keep reading that one paragraph over and over again. You know which one. I want you back here with me. I want your body and I want the rest of you too. And I want to get the fuck out of this house. Watching June and Nora on TV doing appearances without me is torture.
我想很快再見到你。我一直在一遍又一遍地讀那一段。你知道是哪一個(gè)。我想讓你和我一起回到這里。我想要你的身體，我也想要你們的其余部分。我想把他媽的趕出這所房子?？粗偤椭Z拉在電視上沒有我的情況下露面是一種折磨。

We have this annual thing at my dad’s lake house in Texas. Whole long weekend off the grid. There’s a lake with a pier, and my dad always cooks something fucking amazing. You wanna come? I kind of can’t stop thinking about you all sunburned and pretty sitting out there in the country. It’s weekend after next. If Shaan can talk to Zahra or somebody about flying you into Austin, we can pick you up from there. Say yes?
我們?cè)诘驴怂_斯州我父親的湖邊別墅里有一年一度的事情。整個(gè)漫長(zhǎng)的周末都脫離了電網(wǎng)。有一個(gè)帶碼頭的湖，我爸爸總是做一些他媽的很棒的東西。你想來(lái)？我有點(diǎn)想不住想你們都被曬傷了，坐在鄉(xiāng)下。下個(gè)周末。如果Shaan可以和Zahra或其他人談?wù)勛屇泔w到奧斯汀，我們可以從那里接你。說(shuō)是嗎？

Yrs,

Alex

P.S. Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky—1958:
P.S. Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky—1958：

Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.
我渴望我們之間真正的陽(yáng)光接觸，我想念你，就像一個(gè)家。照亮親愛的，想想我。

RE: A MASS OF FOOLS AND KNAVES
回復(fù)：一群傻瓜和傻瓜

HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 8/10/20 8:22 PM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-8-10 下午8：22

TO A

Alex,

If I’m north, I shudder to think where in God’s name we’re going.
如果我在北方，我不寒而栗地想到我們奉上帝的名去哪里。

I’m ruminating on identity and your question about where a person like me comes from, and as best as I can explain it, here’s a story:
我正在思考身份和你關(guān)于像我這樣的人來(lái)自哪里的問(wèn)題，盡我所能解釋一下，這里有一個(gè)故事：

Once, there was a young prince who was born in a castle. His mother was a princess scholar, and his father was the most handsome, feared knight in all the land. As a boy, people would bring him everything he could ever dream of wanting. The most beautiful silk clothes, ripe fruit from the orangery. At times, he was so happy, he felt he would never grow tired of being a prince.
從前，有一個(gè)年輕的王子出生在一座城堡里。他的母親是公主學(xué)者，他的父親是全地最英俊、最令人恐懼的騎士。小時(shí)候，人們會(huì)給他帶來(lái)他夢(mèng)寐以求的一切。最漂亮的絲綢衣服，橘園里成熟的水果。有時(shí)，他是如此快樂，他覺得他永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)厭倦做王子。

He came from a long, long line of princes, but never before had there been a prince quite like him: born with his heart on the outside of his body.
他來(lái)自一個(gè)很長(zhǎng)很長(zhǎng)的王子家族，但從來(lái)沒有一個(gè)王子像他一樣：出生時(shí)他的心在他的身體外面。

When he was small, his family would smile and laugh and say he would grow out of it one day. But as he grew, it stayed where it was, red and visible and alive. He didn’t mind it very much, but every day, the family’s fear grew that the people of the kingdom would soon notice and turn their backs on the prince.
當(dāng)他很小的時(shí)候，他的家人會(huì)笑著說(shuō)他有一天會(huì)長(zhǎng)大的。但隨著他的成長(zhǎng)，它停留在原地，紅色的，可見的，活著的。他不是很介意，但每一天，家人都越來(lái)越擔(dān)心王國(guó)的人民很快就會(huì)注意到并背棄王子。

His grandmother, the queen, lived in a high tower, where she spoke only of the other princes, past and present, who were born whole.
他的祖母，女王，住在一座高塔里，在那里她只談?wù)撨^(guò)去和現(xiàn)在的其他王子，他們出生時(shí)是完整的。

Then, the prince’s father, the knight, was struck down in battle. The lance tore open his armor and his body and left him bleeding in the dust. And so, when the queen sent new clothes, armor for the prince to parcel his heart away safe, the prince’s mother did not stop her. For she was afraid, now: afraid of her son’s heart torn open too.
然后，王子的父親騎士在戰(zhàn)斗中被擊倒。長(zhǎng)矛撕開了他的盔甲和身體，讓他在塵土中流血。所以，當(dāng)王后送來(lái)新衣服、新盔甲讓王子把他的心安全收起來(lái)時(shí)，王子的母親并沒有阻止她。因?yàn)樗ε?，現(xiàn)在：害怕她兒子的心也被撕開。

So the prince wore it, and for many years, he believed it was right.
所以王子戴著它，多年來(lái)，他相信這是對(duì)的。

Until he met the most devastatingly gorgeous peasant boy from a nearby village who said absolutely ghastly things to him that made him feel alive for the first time in years and turned out the be the most mad sort of sorcerer, one who could conjure up things like gold and vodka shots and apricot tarts out of absolutely nothing, and his whole life went up in a puff of dazzling purple smoke, and the kingdom said, “I can’t believe we’re all so surprised.”
直到他遇到了附近村莊里最華麗的農(nóng)家男孩，他對(duì)他說(shuō)了絕對(duì)可怕的話，讓他多年來(lái)第一次感到活著，結(jié)果是最瘋狂的巫師，一個(gè)可以憑空變出黃金和伏特加酒和杏餡餅之類的東西的人， 他的一生都在一股耀眼的紫色煙霧中升起，王國(guó)說(shuō)：“我不敢相信我們都這么驚訝。

I’m in for the lake house. I must admit, I’m glad you’re getting out of the house. I worry you may burn the thing down. Does this mean I’ll be meeting your father?
我在湖邊的房子里。我必須承認(rèn)，我很高興你走出家門。我擔(dān)心你會(huì)把東西燒掉。這是否意味著我會(huì)見到你的父親？

I miss you.?我想你。

x

Henry

P.S. This is mortifying and maudlin and, honestly, I hope you forget it as soon as you’ve read it.
附言：這是令人羞愧和莫德林的，老實(shí)說(shuō)，我希望你一讀完就忘記它。

P.P.S. From Henry James to Hendrik C. Andersen, 1899:
P.P.S.從亨利·詹姆斯到亨德里克·C·安徒生，1899年：

May the terrific U.S.A. be meanwhile not a brute to you. I feel in you a confidence, dear Boy–which to show is a joy to me. My hopes and desires and sympathies right heartily and most firmly, go with you. So keep up your heart, and tell me, as it shapes itself, your (inevitably, I imagine, more or less weird) American story. May, at any rate, tutta quella gente be good to you.
愿?jìng)ゴ蟮拿绹?guó)對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)不是野蠻人。親愛的孩子，我在你身上感到一種自信——這對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)是一種快樂。我的希望、愿望和同情衷心地、最堅(jiān)定地與你同在。所以，保持你的心，告訴我，當(dāng)它自己塑造時(shí)，你的（不可避免地，我想，或多或少很奇怪）美國(guó)故事。愿，無(wú)論如何，tutta quella gente對(duì)你好。

HOMETOWN STUFF?故鄉(xiāng)的東西

A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 9/2/20 5:12 PM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-9-2 下午5：12

TO HENRY

H,

Have been home for three hours. Already miss you. This is some bullshit.
已經(jīng)回家三個(gè)小時(shí)了。已經(jīng)想你了。這是一些廢話。

Hey, have I told you lately that you’re brave? I still remember what you said to that little girl in the hospital about Luke Skywalker: “He’s proof that it doesn’t matter where you come from or who your family is.” Sweetheart, you’re proof too.
嘿，我最近有沒有告訴過(guò)你，你很勇敢？我還記得你在醫(yī)院里對(duì)那個(gè)小女孩說(shuō)的關(guān)于盧克·天行者的話：“他證明了你來(lái)自哪里或你的家人是誰(shuí)并不重要。親愛的，你也是證據(jù)。

(By the way, in this relationship, I am absolutely the Han and you are absolutely the Leia. Don’t try to argue because you’ll be wrong.)
（順便說(shuō)一句，在這段關(guān)系中，我絕對(duì)是漢族，而你絕對(duì)是萊婭。不要試圖爭(zhēng)論，因?yàn)槟銜?huì)錯(cuò)的。

I was also thinking about Texas again, which I guess I do a lot when I’m stressed about election stuff. There’s so much stuff I haven’t shown you yet. We haven’t even done Austin! I wanna take you to Franklin Barbecue. You have to wait in line for hours, but that’s part of the experience. I really wanna see a member of the royal family wait in line for hours to eat cow parts. That would really warm my lil brown heart.
我也再次想到了德克薩斯州，我想當(dāng)我對(duì)選舉感到壓力時(shí)，我會(huì)做很多事情。我還有很多東西還沒有給你看。我們甚至還沒有做過(guò)奧斯??！我想帶你去富蘭克林燒烤。你必須排隊(duì)等候幾個(gè)小時(shí)，但這是體驗(yàn)的一部分。我真的很想看到皇室成員排隊(duì)等幾個(gè)小時(shí)才能吃牛的部分。那真的會(huì)溫暖我棕色的心。

Have you thought any more about what you said before I left? About coming out to your family? Obviously, you’re not obligated. You just seemed kind of hopeful when you talked about it.
你有沒有想過(guò)我離開前你說(shuō)的話？關(guān)于向家人出柜？顯然，你沒有義務(wù)。當(dāng)你談?wù)撍鼤r(shí)，你似乎有點(diǎn)希望。

I’ll be over here, still quarantined to the White House (at least Mom didn’t kill me for London), rooting for you.
我會(huì)在這里，仍然被隔離到白宮（至少媽媽沒有為了倫敦殺了我），為你加油。

Love you.?愛你。

xoxoxoxoxo?噻嘻嘻嘻

A

P.S. Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf—1927:
P.S. Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf—1927：

With me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal.
對(duì)我而言，這是非常鮮明的：我比我想象的更想念你;我準(zhǔn)備很想念你。

RE: HOMETOWN STUFF?回復(fù)：故鄉(xiāng)的東西

HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 9/3/20 2:49 AM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-9-3 上午2：49

TO A

Alex,

It is, indeed, bullshit. It’s all I can do not to pack a bag and be gone forever. Perhaps I could live in your room like a recluse. You could have food sent up for me, and I’ll be lurking in disguise in a shadowy corner when you answer the door. It’ll all be very dreadfully?Jane Eyre.
這確實(shí)是胡說(shuō)八道。我能做的就是不收拾行李，永遠(yuǎn)離開。也許我可以像隱士一樣住在你的房間里。你可以給我送食物，當(dāng)你開門時(shí)，我會(huì)偽裝在陰暗的角落里。這一切都會(huì)非?？膳碌暮?jiǎn)愛。

The Mail?will write mad speculations about where I’ve gone, if I’ve offed myself or vanished to St. Kilda, but only you and I will know that I’m just sprawled in your bed, reading books and feeding myself profiteroles and making love to you endlessly until we both expire in a haze of chocolate sauce. It’s how I’d want to go.
《每日郵報(bào)》會(huì)寫下關(guān)于我去了哪里的瘋狂猜測(cè)，如果我冒犯了自己或消失在圣基爾達(dá)，但只有你和我會(huì)知道我只是躺在你的床上，看書，養(yǎng)活自己，無(wú)休止地和你做愛，直到我們都在巧克力醬的陰霾中死去。這就是我想去的方式。

I’m afraid, though, I’m stuck here. Gran keeps asking Mum when I’m going to enlist, and did I know Philip had already served a year by the time he was my age. I do need to figure out what I’m going to do, because I’m certainly closing in on the end of what’s an acceptable amount of time for a gap year. Please do keep me in your—what is it American politicians say?—thoughts and prayers.
不過(guò)，恐怕我被困在這里了。格蘭一直問(wèn)媽媽我什么時(shí)候入伍，我是否知道菲利普在我這個(gè)年紀(jì)的時(shí)候已經(jīng)服役了一年。我確實(shí)需要弄清楚我要做什么，因?yàn)槲铱隙〞?huì)接近間隔年可接受的時(shí)間。請(qǐng)讓我留在你的——美國(guó)政客說(shuō)什么？——思想和祈禱中。

Austin sounds brilliant. Maybe in a few months, after things settle down a bit? I could take a long weekend. Can we visit your mum’s house? Your room? Do you still have your lacrosse trophies? Tell me you still have posters up. Let me guess: Han Solo, Barack Obama, and . . . Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
奧斯汀聽起來(lái)很棒。也許幾個(gè)月后，事情稍微安定下來(lái)？我可以度過(guò)一個(gè)漫長(zhǎng)的周末。我們可以去媽家嗎？你的房間？你還有棍網(wǎng)球獎(jiǎng)杯嗎？告訴我你還有海報(bào)。讓我猜猜：漢·索羅、巴拉克·奧巴馬和......露絲·巴德·金斯伯格。

(I’ll agree with your assessment that you’re the Han to my Leia in that you are, without doubt, a scruffy-looking nerf herder who would pilot us into an asteroid field. I happen to like nice men.)
（我同意你的評(píng)估，即你是我萊婭的漢人，因?yàn)楹翢o(wú)疑問(wèn)，你是一個(gè)看起來(lái)很邋遢的神經(jīng)牧民，會(huì)把我們帶到一個(gè)小行星領(lǐng)域。我碰巧喜歡好男人。

I have thought more about coming out to my family, which is part of why I’m staying here for now. Bea has offered to be there when I tell Philip if I want, so I think I will. Again, thoughts and prayers.
我更多地考慮過(guò)向家人出柜，這也是我現(xiàn)在留在這里的部分原因。當(dāng)我告訴菲利普我是否愿意時(shí)，Bea主動(dòng)提出要在那里，所以我想我會(huì)的。再次，思想和祈禱。

I love you terribly, and I want you back here soon. I need your help picking a new bed for my room; I’ve decided to get rid of that gold monstrosity.
我非常愛你，我希望你快點(diǎn)回到這里。我需要你幫我為我的房間挑選一張新床;我決定擺脫那個(gè)黃金怪物。

Yours,

Henry

P.S. From Radclyffe Hall to Evguenia Souline, 1934:
附言從Radclyffe Hall到Evguenia Souline，1934年：

Darling—I wonder if you realize how much I am counting on your coming to England, how much it means to me—it means all the world, and indeed my body shall be all, all yours, as yours will be all, all mine, beloved. . . . And nothing will matter but just we two, we two longing loves at last come together.
親愛的——我不知道你是否意識(shí)到我多么指望你來(lái)到英國(guó)，這對(duì)我意味著什么——這意味著整個(gè)世界，事實(shí)上，我的身體將是你的，你的，是我的全部，親愛的。一切都不重要，只有我們兩個(gè)，我們兩個(gè)渴望的愛終于走到了一起。

RE: HOMETOWN STUFF?回復(fù)：故鄉(xiāng)的東西

A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 9/3/20 6:20 AM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-9-3 上午6：20

TO HENRY

H,

Shit. Do you think you’re going to enlist? I haven’t done any research on it yet. I’m gonna ask Zahra to have one of our people put together a binder on it. What would that mean? Would you have to be gone a lot? Would it be dangerous??? Or is it just like, wear the uniform and sit at a desk? How did we not talk about this when I was there?????
狗屎。你認(rèn)為你會(huì)入伍嗎？我還沒有做任何研究。我要讓扎赫拉讓我們的一個(gè)人在上面放一個(gè)活頁(yè)夾。這意味著什么？你一定要經(jīng)常離開嗎？會(huì)不會(huì)有危險(xiǎn)???還是就像，穿上制服坐在辦公桌前？我在那里的時(shí)候，我們?cè)趺床徽勥@個(gè)?????

Sorry. I’m panicking. I somehow forgot this was a thing looming on the horizon. I’m there for whatever you decide you want to do, just like, let me know if I need to start practicing gazing wistfully out the window, waiting for my love to return from war.
不好意思。我很恐慌。我不知何故忘記了這是一件迫在眉睫的事情。無(wú)論你決定你想做什么，我都會(huì)在那里，就像，如果我需要開始練習(xí)渴望地凝視窗外，等待我的愛人從戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)中回來(lái)，請(qǐng)告訴我。

It drives me nuts sometimes that you don’t get to have more say in your life. When I picture you happy, I see with your own apartment somewhere outside of the palace and a desk where you can write anthologies of queer history. And I’m there, using up your shampoo and making you come to the grocery store with me and waking up in the same damn time zone with you every morning.
有時(shí)這讓我發(fā)瘋，因?yàn)槟阍谏钪袥]有更多的發(fā)言權(quán)。當(dāng)我想象你快樂時(shí)，我看到你在宮殿外的某個(gè)地方有自己的公寓和一張桌子，你可以在那里寫酷兒歷史選集。我在那里，用完你的洗發(fā)水，讓你和我一起來(lái)雜貨店，每天早上和你一起在同一個(gè)該死的時(shí)區(qū)醒來(lái)。

When the election is over, we can figure out what we’ll do next. I would love to be in the same place for a bit, but I know you have to do what you have to do. Just know, I believe in you.
選舉結(jié)束后，我們可以弄清楚下一步要做什么。我很想在同一個(gè)地方呆一會(huì)兒，但我知道你必須做你必須做的事情。只要知道，我相信你。

Re: telling Philip, sounds like a great plan. If all else fails, just do what I did and act like a huge jackass until most of your family figures it out on their own.
回復(fù)：告訴菲利普，聽起來(lái)是個(gè)好計(jì)劃。如果一切都失敗了，就做我做過(guò)的事情，表現(xiàn)得像個(gè)大笨蛋，直到你的大多數(shù)家人自己弄清楚。

Love you. Tell Bea hi.
愛你。告訴他們走。

A

P.S. Eleanor Roosevelt to Lorena Hickock—1933:
附言埃莉諾·羅斯福致洛雷娜·?？瓶恕?933年：

I miss you greatly dear. The nicest time of the day is when I write to you. You have a stormier time than I do but I miss you as much, I think. . . . Please keep most of your heart in Washington as long as I’m here for most of mine is with you!
我非常想念你親愛的。一天中最美好的時(shí)光是我給你寫信的時(shí)候。你比我更暴風(fēng)雨，但我同樣想念你，我想......只要我還在這里，請(qǐng)把你的大部分心留在華盛頓，因?yàn)槲业拇蟛糠謺r(shí)間都和你在一起！

RE: HOMETOWN STUFF?回復(fù)：故鄉(xiāng)的東西

HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 9/4/20 7:58 PM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-9-4 下午7：58

TO A

Alex,

Have you ever had something go so horribly, horribly, unbelievably badly that you’d like to be loaded into a cannon and jettisoned into the merciless black maw of outer space?
你有沒有遇到過(guò)如此可怕、可怕、難以置信的糟糕事情，以至于你想被裝進(jìn)大炮，被扔進(jìn)外太空無(wú)情的黑泥？

I wonder sometimes what is the point of me, or anything. I should have just packed a bag like I said. I could be in your bed, languishing away until I perish, fat and sexually conquered, snuffed out in the spring of my youth.?Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock.
我有時(shí)想知道我有什么意義，或者什么。我應(yīng)該像我說(shuō)的那樣收拾一個(gè)袋子。我可以躺在你的床上，萎靡不振，直到我死去，肥胖和性征服，在我青春的春天被扼殺。這里是威爾士的亨利王子。他死了，就像他活著一樣：逃避計(jì)劃和吮吸**。

I told Philip. Not about you, precisely—about me.
我告訴菲利普。不是關(guān)于你，確切地說(shuō)是關(guān)于我。

Specifically, we were discussing enlistment, Philip and Shaan and I, and I told Philip I’d rather not follow the traditional path and that I hardly think I’d be useful to anyone in the military. He asked why I was so intent on disrespecting the traditions of the men of this family, and I truly think I dissociated straight (ha) out of the conversation, because I opened my blasted mouth and said, “Because I’m not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip.”
具體來(lái)說(shuō)，我們正在討論入伍，菲利普、沙恩和我，我告訴菲利普我寧愿不走傳統(tǒng)道路，我?guī)缀醪徽J(rèn)為我對(duì)軍隊(duì)中的任何人有用。他問(wèn)我為什么如此執(zhí)意不尊重這個(gè)家庭男人的傳統(tǒng)，我真的認(rèn)為我直接脫離了談話，因?yàn)槲覐堥_了爆炸的嘴說(shuō)：“因?yàn)槲也幌襁@個(gè)家庭的其他男人，首先是我是非常深刻的同性戀， 菲利普。

Once Shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier, Philip had quite a few words for me, some of which were “confused or misguided” and “ensuring the perpetuity of the bloodline” and “respecting the legacy.” Honestly, I don’t recall much of it. Essentially, I gathered that he was not surprised to discover I am not the heterosexual heir I’m supposed to be, but rather surprised that I do not intend to keep pretending to be the heterosexual heir I’m supposed to be.
當(dāng)沙恩設(shè)法將他從枝形吊燈上移開后，菲利普對(duì)我說(shuō)了不少話，其中一些是“混淆或誤導(dǎo)”和“確保血統(tǒng)的永恒”和“尊重遺產(chǎn)”。老實(shí)說(shuō)，我不記得太多了。從本質(zhì)上講，我發(fā)現(xiàn)他發(fā)現(xiàn)我不是我應(yīng)該成為的異性戀繼承人并不感到驚訝，而是驚訝于我不打算繼續(xù)假裝自己應(yīng)該是異性戀繼承人。

So, yes, I know we discussed and hoped that coming out to my family would be a good first step. I cannot say this was an encouraging sign re: our odds of going public. I don’t know. I’ve eaten a tremendous amount of Jaffa Cakes about it, to be frank.
所以，是的，我知道我們討論過(guò)，并希望向我的家人出柜將是良好的第一步。我不能說(shuō)這是一個(gè)令人鼓舞的跡象：我們上市的可能性很大。我不知道。坦率地說(shuō)，我吃了大量的雅法蛋糕。

Sometimes I imagine moving to New York to take over launching Pez’s youth shelter there. Just leaving. Not coming back. Maybe burning something down on the way out. It would be nice.
有時(shí)我會(huì)想象搬到紐約接管在那里啟動(dòng)佩斯的青年庇護(hù)所。只是離開。不回來(lái)了。也許在出門的路上燒掉了一些東西。那就太好了。

Here’s an idea: Do you know, I’ve realised I’ve never actually told you what I thought the first time we met?
這里有一個(gè)想法：你知道嗎，我意識(shí)到我從來(lái)沒有真正告訴你我們第一次見面時(shí)我的想法？

You see, for me, memories are difficult. Very often, they hurt. A curious thing about grief is the way it takes your entire life, all those foundational years that made you who you are, and makes them so painful to look back upon because of the absence there, that suddenly they’re inaccessible. You must invent an entirely new system.
你看，對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，記憶是困難的。很多時(shí)候，他們很痛。關(guān)于悲傷的一個(gè)奇怪的事情是，它占用了你的整個(gè)生命，所有那些讓你成為你的基礎(chǔ)歲月，并讓他們?nèi)绱送纯嗟鼗仡欉^(guò)去，因?yàn)槟抢锏娜毕?，突然間他們無(wú)法接近。你必須發(fā)明一個(gè)全新的系統(tǒng)。

I started to think of myself and my life and my whole lifetime worth of memories as all the dark, dusty rooms of Buckingham Palace. I took the night I visited Bea in rehab and begged her to take it seriously, and I put it in a room with pink peonies on the wallpaper and a golden harp in the center of the floor. I took my first time, with one of my brother’s mates from uni when I was seventeen, and I found the smallest, most cramped little broom cupboard I could muster, and I shoved it in. I took my father’s last night, the way his face went slack, the smell of his hands, the fever, the waiting and waiting and terrible waiting and the even worse not-waiting anymore, and I found the biggest room, a ballroom, wide open and dark, windows drawn and covered. Locked the doors.
我開始把我自己和我的生活以及我一生的記憶想象成白金漢宮所有黑暗、塵土飛揚(yáng)的房間。我花了那天晚上去康復(fù)中心拜訪Bea，懇求她認(rèn)真對(duì)待它，我把它放在一個(gè)房間里，墻紙上有粉紅色的牡丹，地板中央有一個(gè)金色的豎琴。我第一次拿，十七歲的時(shí)候和我哥哥的一個(gè)大學(xué)伙伴一起，我找到了我能召集的最小、最狹窄的小掃帚柜，我把它塞了進(jìn)去。我拿了我父親昨晚的，他的臉變得松弛，他手的氣味，發(fā)燒，等待，等待，可怕的等待，更糟糕的是不再等待，我找到了最大的房間，一個(gè)宴會(huì)廳，敞開而黑暗，窗戶被拉上并遮住。鎖上了門。

But the first time I saw you. Rio. I took that down to the gardens. I pressed it into the leaves of a silver maple and recited it to the Waterloo Vase. It didn’t fit in any rooms.
但是我第一次見到你。力拓。我把它帶到了花園里。我把它壓在銀楓樹的葉子里，對(duì)著滑鐵盧花瓶念誦。它不適合任何房間。

You were talking with Nora and June, happy and animated and fully alive, a person living in dimensions I couldn’t access, and so beautiful. Your hair was longer then. You weren’t even a president’s son yet, but you weren’t afraid. You had a yellow ipê-amarelo in your pocket.
你和諾拉和瓊在說(shuō)話，他們快樂、活潑、充滿活力，一個(gè)生活在我無(wú)法接近的維度中的人，而且如此美麗。那時(shí)你的頭發(fā)更長(zhǎng)。你甚至還不是總統(tǒng)的兒子，但你并不害怕。你口袋里有一只黃色的ipê-amarelo。

I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire.
我想，這是我見過(guò)的最不可思議的事情，我最好把它與我保持安全距離。我想，如果這樣的人愛我，它會(huì)讓我著火。

And then I was a careless fool, and I fell in love with you anyway. When you rang me at truly shocking hours of the night, I loved you. When you kissed me in disgusting public toilets and pouted in hotel bars and made me happy in ways in which it had never even occurred to me that a mangled-up, locked-up person like me could be happy, I loved you.
然后我是一個(gè)粗心的傻瓜，無(wú)論如何我愛上了你。當(dāng)你在晚上真正令人震驚的時(shí)候給我打電話時(shí)，我愛你。當(dāng)你在令人作嘔的公共廁所里吻我，在酒店的酒吧里噘著嘴，讓我快樂，我甚至從未想過(guò)像我這樣被肢解、被關(guān)起來(lái)的人會(huì)快樂，我愛你。

And then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. Can you believe it?
然后，莫名其妙地，你絕對(duì)有膽量愛我。你能相信嗎？

Sometimes, even now, I still can’t.
有時(shí)，即使是現(xiàn)在，我仍然不能。

I’m sorry things didn’t go better with Philip. I wish I could send hope.
我很抱歉菲利普的情況沒有好轉(zhuǎn)。我希望我能寄出希望。

Yours,

Henry

P.S. From Michelangelo to Tommaso Cavalieri, 1533:
附言從米開朗基羅到托馬索·卡瓦列里，1533年：

I know well that, at this hour, I could as easily forget your name as the food by which I live; nay, it were easier to forget the food, which only nourishes my body miserably, than your name, which nourishes both body and soul, filling the one and the other with such sweetness that neither weariness nor fear of death is felt by me while memory preserves you to my mind. Think, if the eyes could also enjoy their portion, in what condition I should find myself.
我清楚地知道，在這個(gè)時(shí)刻，我很容易忘記你的名字，就像我賴以生存的食物一樣;不，忘記食物更容易，它只會(huì)悲慘地滋養(yǎng)我的身體，而不是你的名字，它滋養(yǎng)身體和靈魂，使一個(gè)和另一個(gè)充滿甜蜜，以至于我既不感到疲倦也不害怕死亡，而記憶卻把你保存在我的腦海中。想一想，如果眼睛也能享受它們的部分，我應(yīng)該處于什么狀態(tài)。

RE: HOMETOWN STUFF?回復(fù)：故鄉(xiāng)的東西

A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 9/4/20 8:31 PM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-9-4 下午8：31

TO HENRY

H,

Fuck.

I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I’m so sorry. June and Nora send their love. Not as much love as me. Obviously.
我很抱歉。我不知道還能說(shuō)什么。我很抱歉。瓊和諾拉送上了他們的愛。沒有我那么多的愛。明顯地。

Please don’t worry about me. We’ll figure it out. It just might take time. I’ve been working on patience. I’ve picked up all kinds of things from you.
請(qǐng)不要擔(dān)心我。我們會(huì)弄清楚的。這可能需要時(shí)間。我一直在努力保持耐心。我從你那里撿到各種各樣的東西。

God, what can I possibly write to make this better?
上帝啊，我能寫什么來(lái)讓它變得更好？

Here: I can’t decide if your emails make me miss you more or less. Sometimes I feel like a funny-looking rock in the middle of the most beautiful clear ocean when I read the kinds of things you write to me. You love so much bigger than yourself, bigger than everything. I can’t believe how lucky I am to even witness it—to be the one who gets to have it, and so much of it, is beyond luck and feels like fate. Catholic God made me to be the person you write those things about. I’ll say five Hail Marys. Muchas gracias, Santa Maria.
在這里：我無(wú)法決定你的電子郵件是讓我或多還是少地想念你。有時(shí)，當(dāng)我讀到你寫給我的那些東西時(shí)，我覺得自己就像一塊看起來(lái)很滑稽的石頭，在最美麗的清澈海洋中間。你愛的比你自己大得多，比一切都大。我簡(jiǎn)直不敢相信我是多么幸運(yùn)，甚至能見證它——成為擁有它的人，而且擁有它，而且是幸運(yùn)的，感覺就像命運(yùn)一樣。天主教的上帝讓我成為你寫這些東西的人。我會(huì)說(shuō)五個(gè)冰雹瑪麗。多斯格拉西亞斯，圣瑪麗亞。

I can’t match you for prose, but what I?can?do is write you a list.
我無(wú)法與你的散文相提并論，但我能做的就是給你寫一個(gè)清單。

AN INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY OF WALES
不完整的清單：我喜歡威爾士亨利王子殿下的事情

1. The sound of your laugh when I piss you off.
1.我惹你生氣時(shí)你的笑聲。

2. The way you smell underneath your fancy cologne, like clean linens but somehow also fresh grass (what kind of magic is this?).
2.你在花哨的古龍水下面聞起來(lái)的方式，就像干凈的亞麻布，但不知何故還有新鮮的草（這是什么魔力？

3. That thing you do where you stick out your chin to try to look tough.
3.你做的那件事是你伸出下巴試圖看起來(lái)很堅(jiān)強(qiáng).

4. How your hands look when you play piano.
4.彈鋼琴時(shí)你的手是什么樣子的。

5. All the things I understand about myself now because of you.
5.我現(xiàn)在對(duì)自己的了解都是因?yàn)槟恪?/p>

6. How you think?Return of the Jedi?is the best Star Wars (wrong) because deep down you’re a gigantic, sappy, embarrassing romantic who just wants the happily ever after.
6.你如何看待《絕地歸來(lái)》是最好的星球大戰(zhàn)（錯(cuò)誤），因?yàn)樵趦?nèi)心深處，你是一個(gè)巨大、聰明、尷尬的浪漫主義者，只想從此過(guò)上幸福的生活。

7. Your ability to recite Keats.
7. 你背誦濟(jì)慈的能力。

8. Your ability to recite Bernadette’s “Don’t let it drag you down” monologue from?Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
8. 你背誦伯納黛特的“不要讓它拖累你”獨(dú)白的能力來(lái)自沙漠女王普里西拉。

9. How hard you try.
9.你有多努力。

10. How hard you’ve always tried.
10.你一直有多努力。

11. How determined you are to keep trying.
11.你有多大的決心繼續(xù)努力。

12. That when your shoulders cover mine, nothing else in the entire stupid world matters.
12.當(dāng)你的肩膀蓋住我的肩膀時(shí)，整個(gè)愚蠢的世界里沒有其他事情重要。

13. The goddamn issue of?Le Monde?you brought back to London with you and kept and have on your nightstand (yes, I saw it).
13.你帶回倫敦并放在床頭柜上的《世界報(bào)》該死的問(wèn)題（是的，我看到了）。

14. The way you look when you first wake up.
14.你第一次醒來(lái)時(shí)的樣子。

15. Your shoulder-to-waist ratio.
15.你的肩腰比。

16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart.
16.你巨大、慷慨、可笑、堅(jiān)不可摧的心。

17. Your equally huge dick.
17.你同樣巨大的雞巴。

18. The face you just made when you read that last one.
18.你讀到最后一篇時(shí)剛剛做出的臉。

19. The way you look when you first wake up (I know I already said this, but I really, really love it).
19.你第一次醒來(lái)時(shí)的樣子（我知道我已經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)了，但我真的非常非常喜歡它）。

20. The fact that you loved me all along.
20.你一直愛我的事實(shí).

I keep thinking about that last one ever since you told me, and what an idiot I was. It’s so hard for me to get out of my own head sometimes, but now I’m coming back to what I said to you the night in my room when it all started, and how I brushed you off when you offered to let me go after the DNC, how I used to try to act like it was nothing sometimes. I didn’t even know what you were offering to do to yourself. God, I want to fight everyone who’s ever hurt you, but it was me too, wasn’t it? All that time. I’m so sorry.
自從你告訴我后，我一直在想最后一個(gè)，我真是個(gè)白癡。有時(shí)我很難擺脫自己的頭腦，但現(xiàn)在我回到了這一切開始時(shí)我在房間里對(duì)你說(shuō)的話，以及當(dāng)你提出讓我去DNC之后時(shí)，我是如何不理你嘴的，我曾經(jīng)如何試圖表現(xiàn)得好像什么都不是。我什至不知道你愿意對(duì)自己做什么。上帝啊，我想和所有傷害過(guò)你的人戰(zhàn)斗，但也是我，不是嗎？一直如此。我很抱歉。

Please stay gorgeous and strong and unbelievable. I miss you I miss you I miss you I love you. I’m calling you as soon as I send this, but I know you like to have these things written down.
請(qǐng)保持華麗，堅(jiān)強(qiáng)和難以置信。我想你我想你我想你我愛你。我一發(fā)就給你打電話，但我知道你喜歡把這些東西寫下來(lái)。

A

P.S. Richard Wagner to Eliza Wille, re: Ludwig II–1864 (Remember when you played Wagner for me? He’s an asshole, but this is something.)
附言理查德·瓦格納致伊麗莎·威爾，回復(fù)：路德維希二世–1864（還記得你為我演奏瓦格納的時(shí)候嗎？他是個(gè)混蛋，但這是東西。

It is true that I have my young king who genuinely adores me. You cannot form an idea of our relations. I recall one of the dreams of my youth. I once dreamed that Shakespeare was alive: that I really saw and spoke to him: I can never forget the impression that dream made on me. Then I would have wished to see Beethoven, though he was already dead. Something of the same kind must pass in the mind of this lovable man when with me. He says he can hardly believe that he really possesses me. None can read without astonishment, without enchantment, the letters he writes to me.
的確，我有我年輕的國(guó)王，他真心崇拜我。你無(wú)法形成我們關(guān)系的概念。我記得我年輕時(shí)的一個(gè)夢(mèng)想。我曾經(jīng)夢(mèng)見莎士比亞還活著：我真的看到他并與他交談：我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記那個(gè)夢(mèng)給我留下的印象。然后我本來(lái)希望見到貝多芬，盡管他已經(jīng)死了。和我在一起時(shí)，這個(gè)可愛的男人的腦海中一定有類似的東西。他說(shuō)他幾乎不敢相信他真的擁有我。沒有人能不驚訝地讀到他寫給我的信。

BAD METAPHORS ABOUT MAPS
關(guān)于地圖的糟糕隱喻

A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 9/25/20 3:21 AM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-9-25 上午3：21

TO HENRY

h,

i have had whiskey. bear with me.
我喝過(guò)威士忌。請(qǐng)耐心等待。

there’s this thing you do. this thing. it drives me crazy. i think about it all the time.
有你做的這個(gè)東西，這個(gè)東西。這讓我發(fā)瘋。我一直在想這個(gè)問(wèn)題。

there’s a corner of your mouth, and a place that it goes. pinched and worried like you’re afraid you’re forgetting something. i used to hate it. used to think it was your little tic of disapproval.
有一個(gè)嘴角，有一個(gè)地方。捏捏和擔(dān)心，就像你害怕你忘記了什么。我曾經(jīng)討厭它。曾經(jīng)以為是你的小不贊成。

but i’ve kissed your mouth, that corner, that place it goes, so many times now. i’ve memorized it. topography on the map of you, a world i’m still charting. i know it. i added it to the key. here: inches to miles. i can multiply it out, read your latitude and longitude. recite your coordinates like la rosaria.
但是我已經(jīng)吻過(guò)你的嘴，那個(gè)角落，那個(gè)地方，現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)很多次了。我已經(jīng)記住了。你地圖上的地形，一個(gè)我還在繪制的世界。我知道。我把它添加到密鑰中。這里：英寸到英里。我可以把它乘以，讀你的經(jīng)緯度。像拉羅薩里亞一樣背誦你的坐標(biāo)。

this thing, your mouth, its place. it’s what you do when you’re trying not to give yourself away. not in the way that you do all the time, those empty, greedy grabs for you. i mean the truth of you. the weird, perfect shape of your heart. the one on the outside of your chest.
這個(gè)東西，你的嘴，它的位置。當(dāng)你試圖不放棄自己時(shí)，這就是你所做的。不是你一直做的方式，那些空洞的、貪婪的為你抓。我是說(shuō)你的真相。你心的怪異，完美的形狀。胸部外側(cè)的那個(gè)。

on the map of you, my fingers can always find the green hills, wales. cool waters and a shore of white chalk. the ancient part of you carved out of stone in a prayerful circle, sacrosanct. your spine’s a ridge i’d die climbing.
在你們的地圖上，我的手指總能找到威爾士的青山。涼爽的海水和白色粉筆的海岸。你的古老部分用石頭雕刻成一個(gè)虔誠(chéng)的圓圈，神圣不可侵犯。你的脊椎是一條山脊，我爬上去就死了。

if i could spread it out on my desk, i’d find the corner of your mouth where it pinches with my fingers, and i’d smooth it away and you’d be marked with the names of saints like all the old maps. i get the nomenclature now—saints’ names belong to miracles.
如果我能把它攤開在我的桌子上，我會(huì)找到你的嘴角，用手指捏住它，我會(huì)把它撫平，你會(huì)像所有舊地圖一樣被標(biāo)記上圣人的名字。我現(xiàn)在明白了這個(gè)名字——圣徒的名字屬于奇跡。

give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there’s so much of you.
有時(shí)把自己送走，親愛的。你們太多了。

fucking yrs,?他媽的歲月，

a

p.s. wilfred owen to siegfried sassoon—1917:
附言威爾弗雷德·歐文致齊格弗里德·沙遜—1917年：

And you have fixed my Life—however short. You did not light me: I was always a mad comet; but you have fixed me. I spun round you a satellite for a month, but shall swing out soon, a dark star in the orbit where you will blaze.
你已經(jīng)修復(fù)了我的生命——無(wú)論多么短暫。你沒有點(diǎn)燃我：我一直是一顆瘋狂的彗星;但你已經(jīng)修復(fù)了我。我繞著你轉(zhuǎn)了一顆衛(wèi)星一個(gè)月，但很快就會(huì)擺動(dòng)出來(lái)，在軌道上一顆黑暗的星星，你將在那里燃燒。

RE: BAD METAPHORS ABOUT MAPS
回復(fù)：關(guān)于地圖的糟糕隱喻

HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 9/25/20 6:07 AM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-9-25 上午6：07

TO A

From Jean Cocteau to Jean Marais, 1939:
從讓·科克多到讓·瑪萊，1939年：

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having saved me. I was drowning and you threw yourself into the water without hesitation, without a backward look.
從心底里感謝你救了我。我快要溺水了，你毫不猶豫地把自己扔進(jìn)了水里，沒有回頭看。

希望以后有空自己翻譯一遍

劇情：

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