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Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers ?

should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. ?

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your response

The income difference between different occupations has always been a ?

matter of debate. Some people claim that professional workers like doctors ?

and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment ?

personalities. Considering the essential services and required efforts, I entirely ?

agree with this opinion.

It's common that sports and entertainment personalities earn a large amount ?

of money nowadays. Some people argue that this high income is based on ?

market demand. For example, compared to other products, the products ?

which are advertised by famous stars always sell better and bring huge ?

benefits to the brand and the company. This makes sports and entertainment ?

personalities highly valuable in the market. ?

However, this is not just about the market demand. First of all, the professional ?

workers like doctors and teachers provide the most essential services. To be ?

specific, these professions are necessary for?the?well-being and development ?

of society, and without which the them, society cannot support people’s lives. ?

Take the teachers as an example. Education not only helps individuals’ ?

personal development, but also leads to reduce a reduction in thepoverty and ?

inequality. Teachers are the most important aspect of education and make ?

education function normally.

Moreover, the requirements of becoming a professional worker decide mean ?

that the professional workers should receive a higher income. The people who ?

want to become a professional worker have to put most of their efforts into ?

being qualified, which requires not only a high level of education, but also an ?

extended period of training. Therefore, professional workers deserve to earn ?

more than others. At the same time, if higher income can be earned in ?

occupations that requires less efforts, it can lead to less willingness to become ?

professional workers.

In conclusion, although market demand can have some effects, I insist that the

professional workers like doctors and teachers should be paid more than ?

sports and entertainment personalities, as they provide the essential services ?

and have worked hard to be qualified. ?

Feedback

Task Response

The candidate addresses all parts of the task, and a relevant position is ?

presented. Relevant main ideas are presented but some may be unclear (see ?

comment boxes). In order to reach a Band 7, there would need to be clearly ?

explained main ideas throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

The writer arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear ?

overall progression. Cohesive devices are used effectively, but the central topic ?

of the paragraph about sport personalities is not clear. The idea about ?

advertising sponsorship and market demand is poorly explained and does not ?

clearly address the wider issue of the value of sports as entertainment in ?

society. For the candidate to attain a Band 7 in this criterion, there would need ?

to be a clear central topic in each paragraph.

Vocabulary

The writing uses a sufficientrange of vocabulary to communicate the issues ?

with some flexibility and precision. Less common items are demonstrated with ?

some use of collocation and style (The people who want to become a ?

professional worker have to put most of their efforts into being qualified, which ?

requires not only a high level of education, but also an extended period of ?

training). There are occasional errors in word formation (At the same time, if ?

higher income can be earned in occupations that requires less efforts, it can ?

lead to less willingness to become professional workers). In order to achieve a ?

Band 8, there would need to be more range and accuracy of the vocabulary ?

displayed.

Grammar

A variety of complex structures are used, and error free sentences are ?

produced. The candidate shows effective control of punctuation and grammar ?

with a few errors (To be specific, these professions are necessary for the well

being and development of society, and without which the them, society cannot ?

support people’s lives). The majority of sentences must be error free, and a ?

wider range of structures is needed if the candidates wished to attain a Band 8 ?

in this criterion.

Sample Answer

There are those who would argue that professional occupations should receive higher wages than sport starts and celebrities. This essay will oppose this view for the following reasons.

Perhaps the greatest justification for those in sports and entertainment to have higher wages than the professions is the length of their careers. Sports stars, for example, could hope to expect a career of ten years if they are fortunate enough not to succumb to injury. This leaves most top level stars with only a few years to earn from the sport which they have trained so hard since childhood. Therefore, they need higher wages to compensate for their short careers.

Another case in point is the uncertainty that most entertainers experience after working for years in a very volatile industry with no guarantee of success for their efforts. Most entertainers are not successful, and have to choose another career late in life. Therefore, when the lucky ones do receive their financial rewards for their hard work and dedication to their craft, after years of being poor, it is thoroughly deserved.

However, it must be recognized that education, health and other professional sectors perform a more vital service to society. Life would be significantly worse without the likes of medical staff and teachers than it would be without celebrities. We would sooner have our children healthy and educated before we would be entertained. Nevertheless, it must also be acknowledged that these professional occupations are risk-free careers for life with numerous benefits. Many people could and want to do these jobs so these careers will ?never command the highest wages.

In conclusion, the length of sports stars’ careers and the uncertainty of the entertainers’ careers gives people in those fields the right to earn more than those in white collar professions.