? ? ?Two days later I was reunited with my mother and sisters after our?first long separation. There were to be many more in later life, some?much longer and more painful, but always carrying with them the?hope and joy of a reunion.

【兩天后，在我們第一次長(zhǎng)期分居后，我與母親和妹妹們團(tuán)聚。 以后的生活還有很多這樣的重逢，有些更長(zhǎng)，更痛苦，但總是帶著重逢的希望和喜悅。】

? ? ?The summer passed quickly. In September I left again to join the?Bruse Jarl?in Antwerp for the return journey to Egypt and school.

【夏天很快就過(guò)去了。 9 月，我再次離開(kāi)，登上安特衛(wèi)普的布魯斯·賈爾號(hào)，返回埃及和學(xué)校?！?/span>

? ? ?Having learned to express myself freely in French, the language?spoken at home, my uncle and aunt were of the opinion that the next?step should be for me to learn to speak English fluently, all the more so?as I was a British subject. There was an excellent English school in?Cairo, for the children of British officials serving in Egypt, but?attended by children from other communities as well. I was sent there?to prepare for the London University matriculation examinations. I?was much happier at this school than I had been at the French Lycee?and felt more at home. The school was run on the lines of an English?public school though most of the boys were day boys. The masters?wore gowns, there were prefects, morning prayers and corporal?punishment. I acquired several good friends there, among them an?American boy of Dutch extraction. He loved English literature and?under his influence I became a great fan of Dickens. I read nearly all?his works, which I liked all the more at that time for the contrast they?offered with the life around me in Egypt. Other friends I made were an?Irish-American boy and girl who lived nearby, the children of the?Greek Ambassador, who were cousins -of my cousin Henri's best?friend and through whom I met the children of the Dutch?Ambassador, a boy and a girl of my age. We used to meet at each?other's houses, listen to music, play games and talk. The wives of the?representatives of Phillips also took an interest in me which enabled?me to spend the occasional afternoon in a Dutch atmosphere.

【在學(xué)會(huì)了用法語(yǔ)自由交流之后，我的姑父和姑姑認(rèn)為下一步應(yīng)該讓我學(xué)會(huì)說(shuō)流利的英語(yǔ)，尤其是我是英國(guó)人。開(kāi)羅有一所知名的英語(yǔ)學(xué)校，為在埃及工作的英國(guó)官員的孩子開(kāi)設(shè)，但也有來(lái)自其他社區(qū)的孩子上學(xué)。我在這所學(xué)校比在法國(guó)中學(xué)快樂(lè)得多，而且感覺(jué)更自在。這所學(xué)校是按照英國(guó)公立學(xué)校的路線(xiàn)開(kāi)辦的，盡管大多數(shù)男孩都是走讀生。老師們穿著長(zhǎng)袍，有年級(jí)長(zhǎng)，晨禱和體罰。我在那里結(jié)識(shí)了幾個(gè)好朋友，其中包括一個(gè)荷蘭血統(tǒng)的美國(guó)男孩。他熱愛(ài)英國(guó)文學(xué)，在他的影響下，我成了狄更斯的忠實(shí)粉絲。我?guī)缀踝x了他所有的作品，當(dāng)時(shí)我非常喜歡這些作品，因?yàn)樗鼈兣c我在埃及的生活形成了鮮明的對(duì)比。我結(jié)交的其他朋友是住在附近的愛(ài)爾蘭裔美國(guó)男孩與女孩，希臘大使的孩子，他們是我表弟亨利最好朋友的堂兄弟，通過(guò)他們我認(rèn)識(shí)了荷蘭大使的孩子。我們?cè)?jīng)在彼此的家里見(jiàn)面，聽(tīng)音樂(lè)，玩游戲，聊天。菲利普斯的大使的妻子也對(duì)我很感興趣，這使我能夠偶爾在荷蘭的氛圍中度過(guò)一個(gè)下午?！?/span>

? ? ?Looking back now, I am sure that I lived through an identity crisis?in those years. Where did I belong? A Jewish cosmopolitan home, an?English school, which reflected the glory of British imperial power of which?I also felt a part and in my heart, all the time, a longing for?Holland and all things Dutch.

【現(xiàn)在回想起來(lái)，我確信那些年我經(jīng)歷過(guò)身份危機(jī)。 我屬于哪里？ 一個(gè)猶太大都會(huì)的家，一所英語(yǔ)學(xué)校，它反映了英國(guó)皇權(quán)的榮耀，我也感受到我是其中的一部分，而在我的心中，我無(wú)時(shí)無(wú)刻不在向往著荷蘭與荷蘭的一切?！?/span>

I was a very religious boy and always went to church on Sundays,?sometimes even twice. The first year I spent in Egypt I was not able to?do this because I could not follow the service, but the second year,?when I began to speak English well, I started going to the American?Reformed church, where the services were most like those in the?Dutch Church. Later I also liked going to the Anglican cathedral, being?much attracted by the beauty of the liturgy. In my uncle's library?I had found a large French Bible which I took to my room and from?which I read a chapter every morning and evening. My aunts did not?put any obstacles in the way of my going to church. On the contrary,?they rather welcomed it. They never tried to convert me to Judaism.?Only once was the question raised in a rather casual way and when I?politely declined it was never referred to again. I could not imagine,?how, having known and recognised the Messiah, one could go back to?not knowing and recognising Him. Otherwise the fact that I had?Jewish blood did not worry me. On the contrary I was rather proud of?it. It seemed to me that I was now twice elect; once by birth through?the promise made to Abraham and once by grace through redemption?by the blood of Christ.

【我是一個(gè)非常虔誠(chéng)的男孩，周日總是去教堂，有時(shí)甚至兩次。我在埃及度過(guò)的第一年我無(wú)法做到這一點(diǎn)，因?yàn)槲覠o(wú)法參加禮拜，但是第二年，當(dāng)我開(kāi)始說(shuō)一口流利的英語(yǔ)時(shí)，我開(kāi)始去美國(guó)歸正教會(huì)，那里的禮拜最像荷蘭教會(huì)的人。后來(lái)我也喜歡去圣公會(huì)教堂，被美麗的禮儀所吸引。在我叔叔的圖書(shū)館里，我找到了一本很大的法語(yǔ)圣經(jīng)，我把它帶到我的房間里，每天早晚都要讀一章。我的姑姑們沒(méi)有給我去教堂的路上設(shè)置任何障礙。相反，她們對(duì)此表示歡迎。她們從未試圖讓我皈依猶太教。只有一次以相當(dāng)隨意的方式提出了這個(gè)問(wèn)題，當(dāng)我禮貌地拒絕時(shí)，它就再也沒(méi)有被提及過(guò)。我無(wú)法想象，在認(rèn)識(shí)和認(rèn)出彌賽亞之后，一個(gè)人怎么會(huì)回到不認(rèn)識(shí)和認(rèn)出他的狀態(tài)。其實(shí)，我對(duì)我有猶太人血統(tǒng)這一事實(shí)并不擔(dān)心。相反，我對(duì)此感到相當(dāng)自豪。我現(xiàn)在似乎是兩次選擇:一次是通過(guò)對(duì)亞伯拉罕的應(yīng)許而出生，一次是通過(guò)基督的寶血的救贖?！?/span>

? ? ?My religious fervour was increased through my heated discussions?with my cousin Henri. He was my aunt's youngest son and studying?law at Cairo University. Tall and extremely thin he had at that age?already a slight stoop. He had wavy black hair, a pale complexion and?well defined features. Immense charm and a dazzling smile made him?very attractive, not only to women, but to all who met him. His?principal interest was politics and left-wing politics at that. It was the?misery of the Egyptian people, which he had seen around him since?his childhood, that motivated him. He had been introduced to the?works of Marx and Lenin by his elder brother Raoul who himself,?however, remained a social-democrat throughout his life and was at that?time a young protege of Leon Blum, the French Prime Minister,?of the Front Populaire. Henri saw the only solution to Egypt's ills in?Communism and used his considerable skills, acquired from his Jesuit?schoolmasters, to propagate the faith. Later he became a co-founder of?the Egyptian Communist Party and spent many years in prison. After?being expelled from Egypt, he settled in France, where he became?deeply involved in support for the Algerian war of liberation. He was?also very active in seeking a rapprochement between the Israelis and?the Palestine Liberation Movement. He was murdered in Paris in?1978 by right-wing extremists.

【通過(guò)與表弟亨利的激烈討論，我的宗教熱情增加了。他是我姑姑最小的兒子，在開(kāi)羅大學(xué)學(xué)習(xí)法律。那個(gè)年紀(jì)的他又高又瘦，已經(jīng)有點(diǎn)駝背了。他有一頭卷曲的黑發(fā)，蒼白的膚色和清晰的五官。巨大的魅力和耀眼的笑容使他非常有吸引力，不僅對(duì)女性，而且對(duì)所有遇到他的人。他的主要興趣是政治和左翼政治。正是他從小就在他身邊看到的埃及人民的苦難激勵(lì)了他。他的哥哥拉烏爾向他介紹了馬克思和列寧的著作，而拉烏爾本人終生都是社會(huì)民主黨人，當(dāng)時(shí)是法國(guó)總理萊昂·布魯姆（的年輕門(mén)生。亨利看到了埃及弊病的唯一解決方案，并利用他從耶穌會(huì)校長(zhǎng)那里獲得的可觀技能來(lái)傳播信仰。后來(lái)他成為埃及共產(chǎn)黨的聯(lián)合創(chuàng)始人，并在監(jiān)獄中度過(guò)了多年。在被驅(qū)逐出埃及后，他定居在法國(guó)，在那里他深入?yún)⑴c了對(duì)阿爾及利亞解放戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)的支持。他還非常積極地尋求以色列人和巴勒斯坦解放運(yùn)動(dòng)之間的和解。他于 1978 年在巴黎被右翼極端分子謀殺?！?/span>

? ? ?Although he was eight years older than me he liked talking to me?and sometimes took me with him when he visited the peasants on his?father's large estate fifty miles outside Cairo. Their living conditions?were miserable. Most of them suffered from eye disease and bilharzia.?Henri always took large quantities of eye lotion and medicines with?him which he handed out to the peasants and their families. His father?did not approve of this at all and, generally, disliked his left-wing?views. It was not that he was not a kind man and he gave generously to?Jewish charitable works, but his charity did not extend to the?Egyptian fellah. Anyway that would have been a hopeless undertaking.?Henri soon began to realise this himself. Handing out eye lotion?wasn't the right remedy. It was necessary to change the whole system.?Only political action was truly effective.

【雖然他比我大八歲，但他喜歡和我交談，有時(shí)在他父親在開(kāi)羅以外 50 英里的大莊園里拜訪(fǎng)農(nóng)民時(shí)，還帶我一起去。 他們的生活條件很糟糕。 他們中的大多數(shù)人患有眼病和血吸蟲(chóng)病。 亨利總是隨身攜帶大量的眼藥水和藥品，分發(fā)給農(nóng)民和他們的家人。 他的父親根本不贊成這一點(diǎn)，而且總體上不喜歡他的左翼觀點(diǎn)。 并不是說(shuō)他不是一個(gè)善良的人，他慷慨地為猶太人的慈善事業(yè)捐款，但他的慈善事業(yè)并沒(méi)有延伸到埃及人身上。 無(wú)論如何，那將是一項(xiàng)無(wú)望的事業(yè)。 亨利很快就開(kāi)始意識(shí)到這一點(diǎn)。 分發(fā)眼藥水不是正確的補(bǔ)救措施。 有必要改變整個(gè)系統(tǒng)。 只有政治行動(dòng)才是真正有效的?！?/span>

? ? ?I? liked him very much and got on very well with him, but his?example and the discussions I had with him had little or no influence?on me. On the contrary it called forth strong opposition. It was not?that I was insensitive to the sufferings of the Egyptian poor, though I?tended in those days to look upon this more as a traditional aspect of?the oriental scene than as a great social evil which could be remedied.?Nor could I deny that the Communist ideals were in many ways?admirable. But there was for me one insurmountable obstacle to?accepting his views. Communism was the declared enemy of God and?wherever it had triumphed, be it in the Soviet Union or in the Spanish?Republic (it was the time of the Spanish Civil War), it had relentlessly?persecuted the Christian churches and their ministers. This alone was?enough for me to condemn it utterly and doom it for ever. All my?cousin's arguments in the end butted on this point. If, when I later?joined the Secret Service, the check on my background ever revealed?that I had been close to my Communist cousin, I have no idea. If it?did, then the Service never raised it with me. And of course, in 1943,?the enemy was Germany and not the Soviet Union, so it would have?made no difference anyway.

【我非常喜歡他，和他相處得很好，但他舉的例子和我與他的討論對(duì)我影響甚微或根本沒(méi)有影響。相反，它引起了我強(qiáng)烈的反對(duì)。并不是說(shuō)我對(duì)埃及窮人的苦難漠不關(guān)心，當(dāng)時(shí)我傾向于將其視為東方里必然出現(xiàn)的場(chǎng)景，而不是可以補(bǔ)救的巨大社會(huì)弊端。我也不能否認(rèn)共產(chǎn)主義理想在很多方面都是令人欽佩的。但對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，接受他的觀點(diǎn)有一個(gè)不可逾越的障礙。共產(chǎn)主義被宣布為上帝的敵人，無(wú)論它在蘇聯(lián)還是在西班牙共和國(guó)（西班牙內(nèi)戰(zhàn)時(shí)期）取得了勝利，它都無(wú)情地宣判了基督教及牧師的死刑。僅此一點(diǎn)就足以讓我徹底譴責(zé)它并永遠(yuǎn)毀滅它。我表弟的所有論點(diǎn)最后都針對(duì)這一點(diǎn)。如果，當(dāng)我后來(lái)加入特勤局時(shí)，我的背景調(diào)查顯示我和我的共產(chǎn)黨表弟關(guān)系密切，如果確實(shí)如此，那么該組織從未向我提出過(guò)。當(dāng)然，在 1943 年，敵人是德國(guó)而不是蘇聯(lián)，所以無(wú)論如何也沒(méi)什么區(qū)別?！?/span>

? ? ?Thus I lived for three years, spending the winters in Egypt and the?summers partly at sea on the Bmse Jarl, which I always managed to?catch, and partly with my mother and sisters in Holland. Then came?the summer of 1939. I had passed my end-of-term exams well with?prizes for History and Latin. I had moved up to the sixth form and?was due to sit for the London University matriculation examination?the following spring. I was sixteen and enjoying life. I had spent a?pleasant summer staying with various relatives and was due to sail for?Egypt again in a week's time. Then came the news that the German?forces had entered Poland. Two days later on a Sunday morning,?drinking a cup of coffee with my mother and sisters after church,?I heard Mr Chamberlain announcing that war had been declared.?I wondered then how its end would find us. Would I come out of it?alive? At once it was decided that I should not return to Egypt. The?times being so dangerous, the future so uncertain, my mother felt that?we should all stay together. I did not offer much resistance. Deep in?my heart I was pleased that it was now possible to resume what I?thought was going to be my normal life.

【就這樣我住了三年，冬天在埃及度過(guò)，夏天則部分在布魯斯·賈爾號(hào)的海上度過(guò)，部分時(shí)間和我在荷蘭的母親和妹妹們一起度過(guò)。然后是 1939 年夏天，我順利通過(guò)了期末考試，并獲得了歷史和拉丁語(yǔ)的獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)。我已經(jīng)升入中六，并準(zhǔn)備參加次年春天的倫敦大學(xué)預(yù)科考試。我十六歲，享受生活。我和各種親戚一起度過(guò)了一個(gè)愉快的夏天，一周后就要再次啟程前往埃及。隨后傳來(lái)德國(guó)軍隊(duì)進(jìn)入波蘭的消息。兩天后的星期天早上，我和我的母親和妹妹們?cè)诮烫煤蠛攘艘槐Х?，?tīng)到張伯倫先生宣布已經(jīng)宣戰(zhàn)。那時(shí)我想知道它的結(jié)局會(huì)如何找到我們。我會(huì)活著出來(lái)嗎？我立刻決定不回埃及。時(shí)代如此危險(xiǎn)，未來(lái)如此不確定，我媽媽覺(jué)得我們都應(yīng)該在一起。在我的內(nèi)心深處，我很高興現(xiàn)在可以恢復(fù)我認(rèn)為的正常生活。】