正文翻譯

By Bryan Lufkin

作者：布萊恩.拉夫金

In a world where humility is valued, some of the most grating people are those who constantly name-drop, brag, claim credit and opine about their brilliance. These qualities set off loud alarm bells of a narcissist in our presence – the kind of person who makes us roll our eyes and gnash our teeth.

在這個(gè)崇尚謙遜的世界里，那些不斷抬高自己、吹噓自己、邀功并夸耀自己才華的人往往令人生厭。自戀者是那種讓我們翻白眼、咬牙切齒的人，這些特質(zhì)會(huì)給我們身邊的自戀者敲響警鐘。

It’s hard to find compassion for a someone who’s full of themself – and, in many cases, it’s unclear why we’d want to sympathise with the people who repel us most. However, research indicates that unlike Narcissus staring at himself reflecting in the pool, many narcissists actually aren’t in love with themselves after all.

我們很難對一個(gè)自我滿足的人產(chǎn)生同情。而且，在很多情況下，我們也不清楚有什么必要去同情那些最排斥我們的人。然而，研究表明，不像顧影自憐的水仙花，很多自戀者其實(shí)并不愛自己。

Quite the opposite, in fact.

事實(shí)上，恰恰相反。

Much of the time, a narcissist’s behaviour isn’t driven by self-love – rather, self-hatred. New findings reinforce this idea, noting that narcissistic behaviour like flexing on social media might come from low self-esteem and a constant need for self-validation. The fact that some narcissists might actually dislike themselves not only debunks the common school of thought around braggarts, but also suggests that we might want to rethink the way we interact with narcissists.

很多時(shí)候，自戀者的一些行為不是由自愛驅(qū)動(dòng)的，而是自我憎恨。新的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)強(qiáng)化了這一觀點(diǎn)，新發(fā)現(xiàn)指出，像在社交媒體上炫耀的自戀行為可能源于自卑和對自我認(rèn)同的持續(xù)需求。一些自戀者可能真的不喜歡自己，這一事實(shí)不僅扭轉(zhuǎn)了人們關(guān)于自戀者的普遍看法，也表明我們可能需要重新思考我們與自戀者互動(dòng)的方式。

'They don't feel good'

他們并非自我感覺良好

"Narcissists tend to be very charming and outgoing, and they can make very good first impressions," says Robin Edelstein, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, US. "But they also tend to be somewhat disagreeable, lacking in empathy and manipulative."

美國密歇根大學(xué)心理學(xué)教授Robin Edelstein表示:“自戀者往往非常有魅力、外向開朗，他們也能給人留下很好的第一印象。但他們也往往有些乖戾，缺乏同理心，還善于操縱別人?！?/p>

A common misconception is that this behaviour stems from intense self-love, self-obsession and self-centredness. But the cause could be just the opposite.

一種對他們這些行為的常見的誤解是，這種行為源于強(qiáng)烈的自愛、自戀和自我中心。但原因可能恰恰相反。

A new study from New York University shows that grandiose narcissists might not be considered narcissists at all, because their behaviour could resemble psychopathy – a related condition in which people act with no empathy in self-serving ways. The research team suggests vulnerable types are the true narcissists, because they don't seek power or dominance, but rather affirmation and attention that elevate their status and image in the minds of others.

紐約大學(xué)的一項(xiàng)新研究表明，浮夸的自戀者可能根本不被認(rèn)為是自戀者，因?yàn)樗麄兊男袨榭赡茴愃朴诰癫。驗(yàn)榫癫±镉幸环N與之相關(guān)的情況，即人們以自私的方式行事，沒有同情心。研究小組表示，脆弱型才是真正的自戀者，因?yàn)樗麄儾蛔非髾?quán)力或支配權(quán)，只是為了尋求肯定和關(guān)注，希望通過自己的行為提升他們在他人心目中的地位和形象。

"They do not feel good about themselves at all," says Pascal Wallisch, clinical associate professor at New York University and senior author of the study. "The paper is not to demonise narcissists at all – on the contrary, we need a lot more compassion."

紐約大學(xué)臨床副教授、該研究的高級作者Pascal Wallisch說:“他們完全沒有自由感覺良好。這篇論文并不是要妖魔化自戀者，相反，我們需要對他們報(bào)以更多的同情。”

The study involved nearly 300 undergraduate university students, who answered questionnaires that measured personality traits, like being insecure or unempathetic, with statements like "I tend to lack remorse" or "It matters that I am seen at important events". They found that unlike grandiose narcissists, vulnerable narcissists were the group who most manifested insecurity and other related traits.

這項(xiàng)研究的參與者有近300名大學(xué)生，在研究中，他們回答了關(guān)于性格特征的問卷，比如缺乏安全感或缺乏同情心，比如“我傾向于沒有懊悔”或“在重要場合被人看到很重要”等問題。他們發(fā)現(xiàn)，與浮夸型自戀者不同，脆弱型自戀者最容易表現(xiàn)出不安全感和其他相關(guān)特征。

So, when you see someone name-dropping at work, plastering selfies on Instagram or being touchy to feedback that makes them look bad, they could very well be a vulnerable (or "true") narcissist. Their constant need for attention and apparent obsession with self comes from deep insecurities they're trying to cover up.

所以，當(dāng)你看到有人在工作中抬高自己，在Instagram上曬自拍照，或者對讓自己難堪的反饋過于敏感時(shí)，他們很可能是脆弱的(或“真正的”)自戀者。他們對關(guān)注的持續(xù)需求和明顯的自我困擾源自于他們試圖掩蓋的深層不安全感。

A vicious cycle

一個(gè)惡性循環(huán)

Of course, seeking positive reinforcement to make ourselves feel better is something everybody does from time to time – and doesn’t necessarily make someone a narcissist.

當(dāng)然，尋求正強(qiáng)化讓自己感覺更好是每個(gè)人時(shí)不時(shí)都會(huì)做的事，但這樣做并不一定會(huì)讓某人成為自戀者。

"Seeking out self-enhancement is a normal aspect of personality. We all try to seek out experiences that boost our self-esteem," says Nicole Cain, associate professor of clinical psychology at Rutgers University in New Jersey, US. But narcissism can lead to "self-enhancement becomes the overriding goal in nearly all situations, and may be sought out in problematic and inappropriate ways".

美國新澤西州羅格斯大學(xué)臨床心理學(xué)副教授Nicole Cain說：“尋求自我提升是人格的一個(gè)正常表現(xiàn)。我們都有試圖尋找能提升自尊的經(jīng)歷。但是，自戀的人可能會(huì)將自我提升作為幾乎所有情況下的首要目標(biāo)，并可能以有問題和不恰當(dāng)?shù)姆绞綄で笏^的提升”。

"Narcissistic people have an idea of how they want to be seen, and don't feel they measure up to that," says Durvasula. "So, they have to portray themselves [in a certain way], and then because they behave badly to do that, they end up experiencing social rejection anyhow, and the cycle keeps happening."

Durvasula說:“自戀的人知道自己希望別人怎么看他們，而且覺得自己不符合這個(gè)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。所以，他們必須[以某種方式]塑造自己，然后又因?yàn)樗麄兺ㄟ^一些不好的行為來塑造自己，結(jié)果他們最終會(huì)遭遇社會(huì)排斥，而這樣的循環(huán)往復(fù)發(fā)生?！?/p>

While this rarely ends in a good place, Wallisch suggests that "we can't take these behaviours at face value, especially if someone is boasting and blustering". He adds, "It doesn't mean they actually feel good about themselves. Something is lacking in their life." He says these kinds of vulnerable narcissists might actually hate themselves. "It's very sad and tragic. They feel like they are never going to be good enough. If they become a billionaire, that's not going to help with the [root] psychological issue."

雖然這種行為很少會(huì)有好的結(jié)果，但Wallisch表示，“我們不能只從表面上看這些行為，尤其是如果有人在自吹自擂的時(shí)候。”他補(bǔ)充說:“自夸并不意味著他們對自己感覺良好。實(shí)際上，他們的生活缺少了一些東西?！?這些脆弱的自戀者可能真的非常討厭自己?！斑@是非常悲傷和不幸的。他們覺得自己永遠(yuǎn)都不夠好。即使他們成為億萬富翁，也無助于解決(根本的)心理問題?！?/p>

Misunderstood and misnamed?

誤解和誤稱?

There's still a lot we don't know about narcissists in general, though. Some experts say the tug of war between self-love and self-loathing, and the idea they're self-promotional because they want to hide insecurities, doesn't fully explain the behaviour.

但總的來說，我們對自戀者還有很多不了解的地方。一些專家說，自愛和自我厭惡之間的拉鋸戰(zhàn)，以及他們自我推銷是源于他們想隱藏不安全感的觀點(diǎn)，并不能完全解釋他們的行為。

"This is a very hard question to test," says Edelstein. "How do you really know what a person feels deep down but is either unwilling or unable to express?"

Edelstein說:“這是一個(gè)很難測試的問題。畢竟對于一個(gè)不愿或無法表達(dá)的人來說，幾乎不可能真正知道一個(gè)人內(nèi)心深處的感受。”

It's also not clear how understanding what's driving narcissism will help curb the behaviour. Most narcissists don't realise that they are the problem, says Edelstein, something that makes tackling the issue hard. "Narcissists tend to be resistant to change because they see the locus of most problems in others rather than themselves," she says. "I think a person needs to be fairly self-motivated for any sort of intervention to be effective for any personality trait, but narcissism seems to be particularly sticky."

目前還不清楚了解自戀的成因可以如何幫助抑制這種行為。Edelstein說，大多數(shù)自戀者沒有意識到他們就是問題所在，這使得解決問題變得困難?！白詰僬咄咕芨淖?，因?yàn)樗麄儼汛蠖鄶?shù)問題的根源放在別人身上，而不是自己身上，”她還說：“我認(rèn)為，一個(gè)人需要具有相當(dāng)強(qiáng)的自我激勵(lì)能力，才能對任何一種人格特質(zhì)進(jìn)行有效的干預(yù)，但自戀癖似乎尤其頑固，難以被干預(yù)。”

Cain, who suggests intensive psychotherapy is the best way to treat narcissism, says workers dealing with narcissistic colleagues should recognise that they are unlikely to be able to change them, persuade them or win an argument with them. "Set realistic expectations for your interactions with them. At work, clearly define roles. Don't get pulled into a competition with them," she says.

Cain認(rèn)為，強(qiáng)化心理治療是治療自戀的最好方法。她表示，與自戀的同事打交道的員工應(yīng)該認(rèn)識到，他們不太可能改變他們、說服他們或贏得與他們的爭論?！盀槟愫退麄兊幕?dòng)設(shè)定現(xiàn)實(shí)的期望。在工作中，明確定義角色。不要和他們競爭?！?/p>