When You and Your Friend Both Want the Same Promotion
艾瑪·賽帕拉（Emma Sepp?l?）克里斯蒂娜·布拉德利（Christina Bradley）| 文 ? ? ?

Research?generally shows that having friends at work can increase productivity and engagement. However, a?new study?by Wharton researchers Julianna Pillemer and Nancy Rothbard finds that there can be a dark side to having friends at work, especially if what’s best for the friendship conflicts with what’s best for the organization.

以往研究普遍表明，在職場有朋友可以提升效率和工作投入度。然而，沃頓商學院研究者朱莉安娜·皮勒默（Julianna Pillemer）和南?！ち_特巴德（Nancy Rothbard）發(fā)現(xiàn)，在職場交朋友也可能有負面影響，特別是友情與職場利益沖突的時候。

Take this example: Suppose two colleagues, let’s call them Lata and Andres,?have worked on the same team for over five years and are close friends. They’ve supported and coached each other whenever work challenges come up for one of them. They get together with their families on weekends. And they both cherish having a close friend who is also a colleague.

比如說，拉塔和安德烈斯兩人是同事，在同一個團隊五年以上，而且是親密的朋友。他們會在彼此遇到難題的時候互相支持和指導，周末一起帶家人出去游玩，而且都很珍視這段職場友誼。

Recently, however, a point of tension came up for Lata and Andres. Their supervisor told Lata that they were both being considered for a major promotion and whoever received the job would end up managing the other. While both were excited about this possibility, they also felt uncomfortable. Their relationship had always been mutually supportive not competitive. And they both had good reason to want this promotion. Lata’s aging parents had moved in with her family, so she’d recently bought a bigger house — and now had a large mortgage to pay off. For Andres, as a single parent with three children, this promotion would mean he would be doing more team management and less client-related travel, allowing him to spend more time with his kids.

然而最近他們的關(guān)系有點緊張。上司告訴拉塔，兩人都是某個重大晉升的候選人，得到這個職位的一方會成為另一方的上司。兩人都為晉升的可能性感到激動，但也覺得別扭。他們之間的關(guān)系一直是相互支持，而非競爭。而且兩人都有想要獲得這次晉升機會的充分理由。拉塔年邁的父母搬來跟她一起住，所以她前不久買了更大的房子，要還一大筆貸款。安德烈斯是帶著三個孩子的單身家長，這次晉升能讓他多做一些管理工作，減少與客戶相關(guān)的差旅，可以有更多的時間陪伴孩子。

After a grueling round of interviews, Lata was selected for the promotion. Andres felt disappointed. While he was happy for Lata, his self-esteem had taken a hit.?His closest friend at work was now his manager,?which meant a new awkwardness between them which inevitably impacted their ability to work together.

經(jīng)過一番緊張的面試，拉塔獲得晉升。安德烈斯很失望。雖然他為拉塔開心，但他的自尊受到了打擊。他在職場上最好的朋友現(xiàn)在變成了上司，兩人之間會出現(xiàn)一種新的尷尬，無可避免地影響他們與彼此共事的能力。

What do you do when a work friend and you are both up for a promotion — or in any other competitive scenario where one of you stands to “win” while the other stands to “l(fā)ose”?

你和職場上的朋友競爭同一個晉升機會，或者處于任何形式的競爭當中、必定有一勝一負，你會怎么辦？

First, emotional balance and perspective are critical.?

第一，必須保持情緒穩(wěn)定、客觀

Remind yourself that this is just one of many promotions that will come up in your career trajectory. It’s easy to focus on the trees and not the forest and lose perspective — especially when you’re caught up in an emotional situation.?

提醒自己，這只是職業(yè)發(fā)展軌跡上會遇到的許多次晉升中的一次。人很容易只見樹木、不見森林，失去客觀洞察力——受到情緒影響時尤其容易這樣。

Brain-imaging research?shows that, when you are stressed or anxious, reason and logic are negatively impacted. Taking a step back, gaining perspective and seeing things from a broader point of view can help.

大腦成像研究表明，人處于壓力或焦慮情緒之下，理性和邏輯會受到負面影響。這時候要后退一步，從更廣闊的視角客觀看待事物。

After all, how much better is it to have a manager who respects, likes, and understands you than a stranger who may not “get” you as well? Given research that shows that?our heart health?is directly linked to our relationship with our boss, having a leader you like and who likes you can be a huge advantage. A supervisor who appreciates and cares about you is likely to help support your career. For example, Andres knows Lata will always vouch for him.

歸根結(jié)底，讓一個尊重、喜歡且理解你的人當上司，比不懂你的陌生人好太多了。研究表明，我們的心理健康與跟上司的關(guān)系有直接聯(lián)系，有一位你喜歡而且喜歡你的上司可能是巨大的優(yōu)勢。上司欣賞且關(guān)心你，可以支持你的事業(yè)發(fā)展。比如安德烈斯就知道拉塔一定會為自己擔保。

Perspective will also help you realize that your friendship is probably more important to you than the promotion.?Research?shows that social connection is one of our greatest needs after food and shelter. We are?happier?and?more engaged?at work when we have positive social relationships with the people we work with (even more so than when we receive a large paycheck). Loneliness, on the other hand, can harm both our psychological and physical health, as leading loneliness psychologist John Cacioppo, coauthor of?Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection,?has shown in his work.

保持客觀還能幫助你意識到，對你來說友誼也許比晉升更重要。研究表明，社會關(guān)系是人除了食物和住所以外最大的需求。與共事的人有積極的社會關(guān)系，我們在工作中會感到更滿足、更投入，這種滿足感甚至大于拿到高薪。而孤獨則會損害我們的心理和身體健康，這是《孤獨：人類天性與對社會關(guān)系的需求》（Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection）作者之一、孤獨心理學家約翰·卡喬波（John Cacioppo）經(jīng)過研究得出的結(jié)論。

Friends at work lead to?a host of benefits?for us both personally and professionally, including?higher performance?and?lower burnout rates. Rather than dwelling on his own unhappiness with the promotion outcome, Andres might remind himself of how delighted he is for Lata. That social connection is more beneficial for Lata than dwelling on what he’s lost.

在工作中有朋友，對我們有各種個人和職業(yè)方面的好處，如工作表現(xiàn)提升、職業(yè)倦怠率下降等。安德烈斯沒有一心只想著自己對升職結(jié)果的不滿，同時也由衷地為拉塔得以晉升感到高興。這段友誼讓他為朋友高興，而不是一味關(guān)注自己失去了什么。

Second, keep your feelings of self-worth in check.?

第二，注意你的自我價值感

The outcome of the promotion selection is not a judgment on you. Promotions can often be arbitrary and subjective. It’s not always about who is better for the job.?

晉升結(jié)果不是對你的評判。晉升決策往往是隨機且主觀的，不一定是因為哪個人更適合這份工作。

For example, research shows that people get ahead at work?due to relationships?more than technical skills. We all know that “politics” almost always plays a role in these sorts of decisions as well. In the West, we mistakenly overemphasize situations as being about us. As pioneering cultural psychologist Hazel Markus has written about in her book?Clash!: How to Thrive in a Multicultural World, if you’re from an individualist country like the U.S. or many European countries, you (erroneously) tend to think that you are solely responsible for your successes or your failures. People from collectivistic cultures like East Asian countries have a more holistic view: understanding that whether or not you win has to do with many more things than your own merit. The decision to promote (or not promote) you may have little to do with your actual skill, and more with factors outside of your control.

比如有研究表明，在工作中獲得提拔，關(guān)系的作用大于技術(shù)能力。我們都知道，“政治”往往也在這類決策中發(fā)揮作用。西方文化中會錯誤地夸大這種情況與我們個人的關(guān)系。先鋒文化心理學家黑茲爾·馬庫斯（Hazel Markus）在《沖突：如何在多元文化世界獲得發(fā)展》（Clash: How to Thrive in a Multicultural World）一書中寫道，在美國或很多盛行個人主義文化的歐洲國家，人們會（錯誤地）以為自己的成功或失敗都完全是自己的責任。而在東亞國家的集體主義文化下，人們的觀點則更加全面，理解自己的成敗與自己以外的其他很多因素有關(guān)。是否讓你晉升的決策可能跟你的實際能力關(guān)系不大，而是更多地取決于你控制范圍以外的其他因素。

Third, communication and planning are key.?

第三，關(guān)鍵是溝通和規(guī)劃

Talk to your friend about the situation to diffuse the tension. Discuss your discomfort. Share your determination not to let this work situation impact your friendship. Andres and Lata would benefit from discussing what they would like their work relationship to look like and how to make sure the imbalance of power doesn’t impact their personal relationship. Even before a decision is made, it would help both Andres and Lata to think through the possible outcomes and how they would maintain their friendship.

跟朋友聊聊，化解矛盾。討論你的不安，交流你不讓這種工作上的情況影響友情的決心。安德烈斯和拉塔如果討論一下如何處理工作關(guān)系、如何避免這種權(quán)力不平衡影響私人關(guān)系，一定會從中受益。即使是在晉升決策制定之前，想一想可能的結(jié)果和如何維系友情也會有幫助。

The upsides of having friends at work are undeniable. But, of course, there are?tricky situations to navigate. The key is to use your?emotional intelligence?to make sure you — and your friendships — can survive despite what happens in the organization.

在職場上交朋友的積極作用不可否認，不過當然也會碰到棘手的局面。關(guān)鍵在于運用情商，確保自己和這份友誼不要受到職場環(huán)境變化的影響。

關(guān)鍵詞：職場

艾瑪·賽帕拉是耶魯大學管理學院女性領(lǐng)導力項目學術(shù)主任，著有《幸福軌道》（The Happiness Track）。她也是斯坦福大學同情及利他主義研究教育中心學術(shù)負責人。

克里斯蒂娜·布拉德利是密歇根大學羅斯商學院管理與組織系的博士生。

朔間 | 譯? ?周強 | 編校