1.我已經(jīng)跟著她好幾天了。我知道她在哪里買食品雜貨、在哪里干洗衣物、在哪里上班工作。我從沒(méi)和她說(shuō)過(guò)話，聽不出她的聲音，也不知道她眼睛的顏色，或者她害怕時(shí)流露的眼神。但我會(huì)知道的。

“I’ve been following her for the past few days. I know where she buys her groceries, where she has her dry cleaning done, where she works. I don’t know the color of her eyes or what they look like when she’s scared. But I will.”

2.我?guī)缀醵伎隙憧吹搅宋?。你站穩(wěn)腳跟找鑰匙，開門進(jìn)樓，走到我看不見(jiàn)的臺(tái)階上。我看到你窗戶里的燈光亮了起來(lái)，照出了你的影子。我想象著你可能會(huì)在屋內(nèi)做些什么，想象著自己與你一起待在屋內(nèi)。如果我可以不必做這件事情，一切會(huì)如何呢？

I was almost certain you saw me. You dug in your shoe for a key and let yourself in,up the steps where I couldn’t see you. I saw the light in your window and your silhouette. I imagined what you might be doing inside. I imagined myself in there with you, what it would be like if it didn’t have to be like this.

3.然而我不會(huì)告訴她，她在第一晚看起來(lái)有多美。我看著她獨(dú)自坐在酒吧，暗淡的光線和香煙的煙霧籠罩著她的臉。其實(shí)我不需要看她那么久，我只是在純粹地欣賞。我沒(méi)有告訴她，蠟燭把她照得艷麗奪目，她遠(yuǎn)比照片上美得多。這些我都沒(méi)有告訴她。

What I don’t tell her is how beautiful she looked that first night. How I watched her sitting alone at the bar, masked by the faded lights and cigarette smoke. I watched her longer than I needed to for the pure pleasure of it. I don’t tell her how the candle made her face glow, how the photograph I was given didn’t do her justice. I don’t tell her any of it.

4.最初那一晚在我的公寓里，她很美。她用充滿信任的藍(lán)眼睛看著我，絲毫料想不到我會(huì)干這樣的事情。

She was beautiful that first night, in my apartment. She watched me with these unsuspecting blue eyes, never thinking for a minute that I had it in me to do this.

5.那一晚她喝了不少酒，但還沒(méi)有醉到不省人事的地步。她清醒地知道自己在做什么，她很喜歡我的觸碰。當(dāng)然，這是在她知道我真正的身份之前。

She had a few drinks that night, but she was lucid enough to know what she was doing, to welcome my hands on her. Of course, that was long before she knew who I really was.

6.她認(rèn)為一切都是因?yàn)樗?，可這事壓根就跟她沒(méi)有關(guān)系。她是人質(zhì)，是傀儡，是待宰的羔羊。

She thinks it’s all about her. It doesn’t have a thing to do with her. She’s a pawn, a puppet, a sacrificial lamb.

她的目光很沉著，看起來(lái)疲憊但卻不慌不忙。真美，我想，她那雙藍(lán)眼睛真美。然后我強(qiáng)迫自己忘掉這樣的想法，我不能有這種該死的想法。至少不能是現(xiàn)在。

Her eyes are steady. Tired, but steady. Pretty, I think. She has pretty blue eyes. But then I force the thought from my mind. I can’t think about shit like that. Not right now.

7.她看著我，我好奇她看到的是怎樣一個(gè)人，她認(rèn)為她看到的又是怎樣一個(gè)人。她覺(jué)得我不在乎她的冷漠，但她錯(cuò)了。

She’s watching me and I wonder what it is she sees. What she believes she sees. She thinks I’m numb to her indifference, but she’s wrong.

8.她拒絕拉開窗簾，拒絕接納屋外的世界。她喜歡黑暗，在黑暗里她可以相信一天二十四小時(shí)全是黑夜，這樣她就能沉浸在自己的悲傷里。

She refuses to open the curtains and accept the world into the room. She likes it dark, where she can believe it’s nighttime twenty-four hours a day and succumb to her depression.

9.她討厭我身上的一切。我知道。我能從她的眼睛里看出來(lái)。她討厭我站著的樣子，討厭我的臟頭發(fā)和下巴上的一圈胡茬。她討厭我的手，看它們用平底鍋煎蛋的樣子是多么丑。她討厭我看她的樣子，討厭我說(shuō)話的語(yǔ)調(diào)和我嘴里吐出的詞。

她最討厭的，是看到我口袋里的槍。這把槍無(wú)時(shí)無(wú)刻不在脅迫著她乖乖聽話。

She hates everything about me. I know it. I see it in her eyes. She hates the way I stand. She hates my dirty hair and the stubble that now coats my chin.She hates my hands, watching the way they stir the eggs in the skillet. She hates the way I look at her. She hates the tone of my voice and the way my mouth forms the words.

Most of all, she hates seeing the gun in my pocket. All the time, making sure she behaves.

10.她的雙腿和被單糾纏在一起，身體想逃離我聲音的方向，雙腳卻沒(méi)來(lái)得及跟上。她摔倒在硬木地板上。她試圖用腳掙脫被單，身體盡可能地遠(yuǎn)離我。她縮到墻邊，顫抖的手緊緊抓住床鋪.

Her legs get tangled in the sheets. Her feet are lost though her body runs away from the sound. She falls to the hardwood floor. Her feet fight the sheet to find the floors. Her body thrusts itself as far away from me as she can. She backs herself into the wall, the bedding clutched in a shaking hand.

11.恐懼把她留在了我的視線范圍內(nèi)。她是可以逃跑的，但是她無(wú)處可去。

It’s fear that keeps her within my line of sight. She could make a run for it, but there’s nowhere to go.?????

12.我不知道我們這樣過(guò)了多少天，我已經(jīng)忘記了時(shí)間。我試圖去想什么時(shí)候是周一，什么時(shí)候是周二，但最終，日子開始變得糊里糊涂。每一天都是一樣的她躺在床上直到我強(qiáng)迫她起床，坐下和我一起吃早餐然后她拉把椅子到窗邊，坐下盯著外面看，想著心事做著白日夢(mèng)，渴望去除了這里以外的任何地方。

I don’t know how many days we do this. I’ve lost track. I tried to remember when it was Monday and when it was Tuesday. Eventually the days began to blur. Every day is the same. She lies in bed until I make her get up. We force down breakfast. Then she sits on a chair she pulls up to the window. She stares outside. Thinks. Daydreams. Longs to be anywhere but here.

13.她拒絕和我進(jìn)行眼神交流，盡管我很肯定她知道我在看她。每搬一個(gè)來(lái)回她就試著走得更遠(yuǎn)一些，她的藍(lán)眼睛牢牢鎖定湖的方向，自由的方向。

She refuses to make eye contact with me, though I’m certain she knows I’m watching. With every passing load she ventures farther and farther away, her blue eyes locked steadfast on the lake. Freedom.

14.她眼神空洞，表情茫然。她曾經(jīng)艷若桃李，肌如凝脂，是我見(jiàn)過(guò)的最美的人。而現(xiàn)在，她臉上的紅潤(rùn)似乎全然消失，蒼白得如同女鬼。我們說(shuō)話的時(shí)候她從不看我，她的視線從我身上掠過(guò)，但從不會(huì)正視我大多數(shù)時(shí)候她都低垂著頭，看著腳、看著手，避免和其他人對(duì)視。

Her eyes are hollow, her expression vacant. She has the most unflawed peaches-and-cream complexion I believe I’ve ever seen, but the peaches seemed to have disappeared and now she is all cream, white as a ghost. She doesn’t look at me when we speak; she looks past me or through me, but never at me. She looks down much of the time, at her feet, her hands,anything to avoid another’s gaze.

15.我們肩并肩地站著，什么都沒(méi)說(shuō)。我的外套摩擦著她的手臂，她退開了一步。我想知道，她到底能不能把這一切畫完，把這幅景象畫在她的速寫本里：藍(lán)色湖泊的形狀、滿地的落葉、深綠的松樹、常青的喬木和遼闊的天空。她是否畫了把樹木上僅剩的落葉猛然刮下的颶風(fēng)？是否畫了那些侵吞著我們雙手和耳朵的冷空氣？

We stand side by side without saying a thing. My coat brushes her arm and she steps away. I wonder if she could ever get this right. This scene. In her sketch pad. The shape of the blue lake and the leaves spilled across the ground. The forest-green pine and evergreen trees. The enormous sky. Could she ever get the wind whipping through the remains of trees? Could she draw the cold air that eats at our hands and ears until they burn?

16.有一瞬間她求我放她走，我告訴她閉嘴，我不想聽到這話。現(xiàn)在她開始哭泣，淚水不停地流，哭得一塌糊涂。她求我放她走，反復(fù)問(wèn)著：我們要去哪兒？

For a split second she begs me to let her go. I tell her to shut up. I don’t want to hear it. By now she’s crying. Now the water works have begun and she’s a blubbering mess, begging me to let her go. She asks again: Where are we going?

17.“那就放我走吧?！?

“我不能?！蔽夷孟乱患\(yùn)動(dòng)衫，把它攤平在我腳邊的槍旁。爐火使室內(nèi)很溫暖，至少爐邊是暖和的。臥室很冷，她睡覺(jué)時(shí)穿著一層層的衣物：秋褲、運(yùn)動(dòng)衫和襪子。但仍然凍得發(fā)抖，要過(guò)很久才能睡著。

我知道，因?yàn)槲胰タ催^(guò)她。

“Then let me go.”

“I can’t.” I remove a sweatshirt and lay it beside the gun on the floor at my feet. The fire keeps the cabin warm, here at least. The bedroom is cold. She sleeps layered, long johns and a sweatshirt and socks, and still she shivers until long after she’s fallen asleep.

I know because I’ve watched her.

18.我睡不著，這不是我第一次失眠。我試圖數(shù)羊、數(shù)豬，什么都行，現(xiàn)在我在屋里來(lái)回踱步。每個(gè)夜晚都很難熬，每個(gè)夜晚我都在想她，但今晚更糟糕，因?yàn)槲沂直砩系娜掌谔嵝盐遥@是她的生日。

I can’t sleep, and this isn’t the first time. I tried counting sheep, pigs, whatever, and now I’m pacing the room. Every night is hard. Every night I’m thinking about her. But tonight it’s worse because the date on my watch reminds me that it’s her birthday. And I’m thinking about her all alone back home.

19.她沒(méi)有說(shuō)謝謝這類詞——請(qǐng)，謝謝，對(duì)不起——是和解的標(biāo)志，我們并沒(méi)有到那一步。也許我們永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)和解。她拿著筆記本湊近自己。我不知道我為什么這么做。但我不想再看到她盯著那該死的窗戶，于是我花了五美元買了紙張和鉛筆。這些鬼玩意兒應(yīng)該會(huì)讓她開心點(diǎn)。

She doesn’t say thanks. Words like that—please, thank you, I’m sorry—are signs of peace and we’re not there yet. Maybe we’ll never be. She holds the notebook close to her. I don’t know why I did it. I was sick of watching her stare out the damn window, so I spent five dollars on paper and pencils and it seems to have made her fucking day.

20.當(dāng)我回去的時(shí)候，她跑下積雪覆蓋的臺(tái)階，迅速?gòu)奈沂掷锉ё吡四侵辉撍赖呢垺?

她大喊著說(shuō)她不會(huì)離開，責(zé)罵我居然威脅一只貓。

“我怎么知道你不會(huì)逃走？”我問(wèn)。

When I come back, she’s running down the snow-covered steps to whisk the damn cat from my hands.

She’s yelling about how she wouldn’t have left. She’s cursing me forthreatening the cat.

“How the hell would I know?” I ask.

21.但這并不全是真話。 如果我想讓自己清靜一會(huì)兒我可以買更多的繩子把她綁在浴室水槽邊。如果我想讓她閉嘴，我可以用膠帶封上她的嘴。

但如果我是想彌補(bǔ)罪過(guò)，我就會(huì)給她買速寫本。

But it isn’t entirely the truth.

If I wanted her out of my hair I would have bought more rope to tie her tothe bathroom sink. If I wanted her to shut up, I would have used duct tape.

But if I wanted to atone, I would have bought her that sketch pad.

22.我們除了坐在那里大眼瞪小眼以外，并沒(méi)有什么別的事可做。因此當(dāng)她說(shuō)她想給我畫像的時(shí)候，我同意了。反正我也沒(méi)有其他事可干。

她讓我站到爐火邊，替我擺姿勢(shì)，冰冷的手按在我的胸口上。她壓低我的身子讓我坐到地板上。

There isn’t a damn thing to do but sit and stare at each other. So when she said she wanted to draw me I said okay. There isn’t anything else to do.

She places me beside the fire. She presses her frigid hands to my chest. She lowers me into place, on the floor.

23.我思考了所有可能出錯(cuò)的環(huán)節(jié)。饑餓，寒冷，被達(dá)爾馬找到，被警察發(fā)現(xiàn)。回家有危險(xiǎn)，留在這兒也有危險(xiǎn)。我知道這點(diǎn)，她也知道。但我現(xiàn)在更擔(dān)心的卻是，她不能跟我在一起。

I think of all the things that could go wrong. Starving. Freezing. Being found by Dalmar. Being found by the police. There’s danger in returning home. There’s danger in staying here. I know it. She knows it. But my bigger concern now is not having her with me.

24.我轉(zhuǎn)頭看向女孩。現(xiàn)在她的機(jī)會(huì)來(lái)了，我想。她可以告訴這個(gè)婦女真相，告訴她有個(gè)瘋子綁架了她，把她囚禁在這座小屋里。我屏住呼吸，等著各種可能出錯(cuò)的環(huán)節(jié)。

My eyes drift to the girl. Now’s her chance, I think. She could tell the woman. Tell her how this crazy person kidnapped , how he’s holding her captive in this cabin. I hold my breath, waiting for any number of things to go wrong.

25.我可以感受到她心臟的跳動(dòng)，感受到自己的血液涌上耳朵。我敢肯定她也聽到了我血液沸騰的聲響。

I can feel the rhythm of her heart pressing against me. I can feel the blood pulsing through my own ears. It’s loud enough I’m sure she hears.

26.我們就這樣忘卻了外界的一切，這里什么都不重要，重要的只有我們兩個(gè)。

We fall into oblivion this way, into a world where nothing matters. Nothing but us.

27.我們?cè)谖葑觾深^相互打量著，將對(duì)方的一切都盡收眼底，一時(shí)忘卻了呼吸。

她溫順地走向我，雙手小心翼翼地觸碰我。

上一次我推開了她，但上一次情況不同。

當(dāng)時(shí)她不是現(xiàn)在這個(gè)女人。

我也不是現(xiàn)在這個(gè)男人。

We stare at each other across the room, taking it all in. Reminding ourselves to breathe.

When she comes to me, she moves humbly. Her hands touch with caution.

The last time I pushed her away, but the last time was different.

She was a different woman.

I was a different man.

28.我朝她走去，伸手拂過(guò)她的長(zhǎng)發(fā)，抓住她腦后的幾縷發(fā)絲。我注視著她，扶住她，看她的眼睛是否流露出一絲想要留在這兒的意愿，哪怕只有一瞬間。她很久沒(méi)來(lái)過(guò)這類地方了，她已經(jīng)忘記了被一個(gè)人這么注視是怎樣的感覺(jué)。她吻了我，將離開的念頭拋諸腦后。

I walk to her and run a hand down the length of her hair, grasping the strands at the base of her skull. I stare at her, placing her upon a pedestal, and see in her eyes how she wishes, if only for a moment, to stay there. It’s a place she hasn’t been for quite some time. She forgot how it felt to have someone stare that way. She kisses me and forgets altogether about leaving.

29.那雙手仍記得她手指的觸感和背部的輪廓。她以一種我之前從未見(jiàn)過(guò)的目光注視著我，這樣的眼神我沒(méi)有在其他任何女人身上見(jiàn)過(guò)。信任、尊重、渴望。我默默記住她臉上的每個(gè)雀斑和瑕疵，記住她耳朵的輪廓并伸手撫摸她嘴唇的弧度。

They memorize her fingers and the shape of her back. She stares at me with this look I’ve never seen before, not on her or any other woman. Trust. Respect. Desire. I commit to memory every freckle, every blemish on her face. I learn the shape of her ears and run a finger across the arch of her lips.

30.她嵌入我身體的每個(gè)縫隙，直到我們合二為一。我的頭枕在她糾結(jié)在一起的深金色頭發(fā)上。我湊得那么近，她都能感受到我呼出的熱氣噴在她的肌膚上，這讓她確信我們兩個(gè)都還活著，盡管我們內(nèi)心幾乎都已無(wú)法呼吸。

She falls into every gap there is until we become one. I rest my head onto a mat of dirty blond hair, close enough that she can feel the exhalation of air on her skin, reassuring her that we’re alive though inside, we can hardly breathe.

31.我醒來(lái)的時(shí)候她已經(jīng)離開。我不再能感受到她緊貼著我的情形。我若有所失，盡管在不久之前，我根本就沒(méi)有東西可以失去。

She’s gone when I wake up. I no longer feel her pressed into me. Something is missing, though it wasn’t that long ago that there was nothing there.

32.她教我用西班牙語(yǔ)數(shù)到一百。我教她跳狐步舞。等湖面完全凍住的時(shí)候，我們就去冰上釣魚。我們從不會(huì)在外面待太久。她不喜歡干看著，因此她會(huì)在湖面上走著，像摩西分海那樣。她喜歡那最新飄落的雪有時(shí)候地面上會(huì)有動(dòng)物的腳印，有時(shí)候我們會(huì)聽到遠(yuǎn)處傳來(lái)雪地車的聲音。當(dāng)她被凍僵的時(shí)候，她會(huì)回到屋里去。那時(shí)候我會(huì)覺(jué)得很孤獨(dú)。

She teaches me to count to a hundred in Spanish. I teach her the fox-trot.When the lake freezes completely over, we ice fish. We never stay out long.She doesn’t like to watch. So she walks on the lake as if Moses has parted the waters for her. She likes the newly fallen snow. Sometimes there are animal prints. Sometimes we hear snowmobiles in the distance. When she’s frozen solid she goes in. And then I feel alone.

33.天知道她已經(jīng)不再是我的囚徒。我想要的是她心甘情愿地留在這里。

God knows she’s no longer my prisoner. What I want is for her to want to be here.

34.完美的不是燈，是她看我的眼神，是她念我的名字，是她撫摸我頭發(fā)的樣子（盡管我認(rèn)為她不是有意識(shí)這么做），是她一夜夜躺在我身邊，是我心里感受到的圓滿無(wú)缺。完美的是她不時(shí)的微笑和大笑，是我們肆無(wú)忌憚的聊天，或者是并肩坐幾個(gè)小時(shí)的沉默無(wú)言。

What is perfect is the way she looks at me, and the way she says my name.The way her hand strokes my hair, though I don’t think she knows she’s doing it. The way we lay together night after night. The way I feel: complete. What is perfect is the way she sometimes smiles and she sometimes laughs. The way we can say anything that comes to mind, or sit together for hours in absolute silence.

35.這種關(guān)系一點(diǎn)都不輕佻。我們不會(huì)調(diào)情，我們超越了這樣淺薄的感情；我們不會(huì)追憶過(guò)往的戀情試圖讓對(duì)方嫉妒；我們不會(huì)給彼此起昵稱，不會(huì)提起“愛(ài)”這個(gè)詞。

There is nothing frivolous about it. We don’t flirt. We’re beyond that. We don’t dredge up past relationships. We don’t try and make the other jealous.We don’t create pet names. We don’t mention the word love.

36.她像看瘋子一樣看我，好像只有瘋狂的鄉(xiāng)巴佬才會(huì)自己砍圣誕樹。但后來(lái)，她的遲疑不見(jiàn)了。她對(duì)我說(shuō)：“我一直都想自己砍一棵圣誕樹。”她的眼睛像孩子般亮了起來(lái)。

She looks at me like I’m nuts, like only some crazy hick would cut their own Christmas tree. But then I see that hesitation flee. She says to me, “I’ve always wanted to cut my own Christmas tree.” Her eyes light up like a child’s.

37.整個(gè)世界都安靜下來(lái)。一切都很平靜。我確信我之前從未經(jīng)歷過(guò)如此完美的夜晚。她告訴我，她很難相信外面世界的某處在打仗，人們?cè)诎ゐI，孩子被虐待。我們遠(yuǎn)離了文明。她說(shuō)：“就像被孩子翻過(guò)來(lái)的玻璃雪花球里的兩個(gè)裝飾小人。”我想象著這種場(chǎng)景我們?cè)谔沾啥牙锇仙?，而閃爍的雪花環(huán)繞著我們。

The entire world is quiet. Everything is at peace. I’m sure I’ve never experienced a night as perfect as this before. She tells me that it’s impossible to believe that somewhere out there, the world is at war. People are starving.Children are being abused. We’re removed from civilization, she says, “Two tiny figurines in a snow globe that some child has turned over.” I picture it: us trudging across ceramic mounds while glittery snow encircles us in our own bubble.

38.我告訴她，如果我能選擇，我會(huì)住在某個(gè)類似這兒的地方，某個(gè)荒郊僻壤。城市不適合我，也不適合所有這些不幸的人。

I tell her that if it were up to me I’d live somewhere like this, in the middle of God knows where. The city isn’t for me, all those damn people.

40.誠(chéng)實(shí)的回答是，我在綁架她前曾花時(shí)間在網(wǎng)上搜索她的信息。但我不想告訴她那個(gè)，她不需要知道在綁架她之前，我是如何跟蹤了她好幾天的。我跟著她上下班，從她臥室的窗戶窺視她?！拔艺{(diào)查過(guò)?！?/p>

Time spent on the internet before I took her, that’s the honest answer. But I don’t want to tell her that. She doesn’t need to know how I tracked her for days before the abduction, following her to and from work, watching her through her bedroom window. “Research.”

41.她把一切都留給我去操心。她說(shuō)之前從沒(méi)有人為她擔(dān)心過(guò)。

She lets me be the one to worry. She says there’s never been someone to worry about her before.

42.我?guī)缀醵寄苈牭剿X海里充斥著的那個(gè)討厭聲音：克洛伊，我的名字叫克洛伊。她的藍(lán)眸緊緊盯著我的眼睛。我眼眶泛紅，強(qiáng)忍淚水。

She shakes her head, and I can all but hear the bothersome thought that runs through her mind: Chloe. My name is Chloe. Her blue eyes are glued to my own, which are red and watery from holding back tears.

43.“我很嫉妒她，真的。嫉妒死了，嫉妒她在外面的某個(gè)地方被人深深愛(ài)著，遠(yuǎn)比我家人愛(ài)我要多?！彼q豫了一下，然后說(shuō)：“這很瘋狂，我知道。”

“I was jealous of her, really. Jealous that she was dead,jealous that somewhere, out there, someone loved her more than they loved me.” She hesitates, then says, “It’s crazy. I know.”

44.“克洛伊?！彼面?zhèn)定的聲音說(shuō)。她說(shuō)那是一種很溫和、很舒心的聲音，哪怕她確信他們都知道，他完全可以從她猛烈顫抖的雙手中搶過(guò)槍殺死她?？墒撬](méi)有這么做。“我做了雞蛋。”他說(shuō)。

然后夢(mèng)就醒了。

“Chloe,” he says with this tranquilizing voice. She says that it is gentle and reassuring and even though she’s certain they both know he could yank the weapon from her convulsing hands and kill her, he doesn’t try. “I made eggs.”

And then she wakes up.

45.米婭不喝咖啡，她完全不喝帶咖啡因的飲品，這讓她神經(jīng)緊張。但當(dāng)我看到她小口抿著咖啡，全然一副死氣沉沉、慵慵懶懶的樣子，我心里祈禱著，也許少量咖啡因會(huì)對(duì)她有好處。我很想知道，我面前這個(gè)沉悶疲憊的女子是誰(shuí)，我認(rèn)識(shí)她的臉，卻毫不理解她的一舉一動(dòng)、語(yǔ)音語(yǔ)調(diào)和那如同氣泡般包裹著她的惱人沉默。

Mia doesn’t drink coffee. She doesn’t drink much caffeine at all. It makes her nervous. But I watch her sip from the mug, completely stagnant and sluggish, and think—wish—that maybe a little caffeine will do the trick. Who is this limp woman before me, I wonder, recognizing the face but having no knowledge of the body language or tone of voice or the disturbing silence that encompasses her like a bubble.

46.“這是什么意思？衣服、食物、武器——槍支、炸 彈、刀子———藝術(shù)家的畫架和水彩畫工具？要我說(shuō)，”她說(shuō)著，順手拿過(guò)米婭手中的速寫本，“這個(gè)就很不尋常。綁匪才不會(huì)讓他的人質(zhì)用廉價(jià)的再生紙速寫本把證據(jù)畫下來(lái)呢。”她轉(zhuǎn)向米婭，一針見(jiàn)血地說(shuō)：“如果他靜坐了那么久，米婭，久到你足夠畫下這幅畫，那你為什么不逃跑呢？”

“This is out of the ordinary. A kidnapper doesn’t normally allow his abductee to draw the evidence on a cheap, recycled sketch pad.” She turns to Mia and presents the obvious. “If he sat still this long, Mia, long enough for you to draw this, then why didn’t you run?”

47.“也許她被嚇壞了，也許她無(wú)處可逃。那個(gè)小屋在一片廣闊的荒野中央，而冬季的明尼蘇達(dá)州北部又幾乎是一座廢棄的城市。她沒(méi)有地方可以去。他會(huì)找到她把她抓回去，那么然后呢？然后會(huì)發(fā)生什么？”

“Maybe she was scared. Maybe there was nowhere to run. The cabin was in the middle of a vast wilderness, and northern Minnesota in the winter verges on a ghost town. There would have been nowhere to go. He might have found her, caught her and then what?Then what would have happened?”

48.我小心地限制著米婭的行為，不確定她需要多少私人空間，但絕不愿給予她過(guò)度的自由。我能從她的每個(gè)手勢(shì)、表情和站姿里看出病態(tài)，她不再是我認(rèn)識(shí)的那個(gè)充滿自信的米婭。我明白，她經(jīng)歷過(guò)很可怕的事情。

I’m careful to give Mia elbow room, not quite certain how much she needs, but absolutely certain I don’t want to overstep. I see her malady in every gesture and expression, in the way she stands, no longer brimming with self confidence as the Mia I know used to be. I understand that something dreadful has happened to her.

49.她私下對(duì)我承認(rèn)，這日子她過(guò)不下去。當(dāng)她清醒的時(shí)候，她不會(huì)這樣說(shuō)；但當(dāng)她哭泣，迷失在絕望中時(shí)，她想到了死亡，用所有的方法殺死自己。她跟我羅列了各種自殺的方式。我告訴自己，我絕不能讓她獨(dú)自待著。

She admits to me in confidence that she can’t go on. She doesn’t say it when she’s lucid, but when she’s sobbing, lost in despair. She thinks about death, of all the ways to kill herself. She lists them for me. I tell myself that I’ll never leave her alone.

50.當(dāng)她夜里上床睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我聽到她輾轉(zhuǎn)反側(cè)，聽到她哭著叫他的名字。我站在她臥室門外，想趕走她的噩夢(mèng)，但我知道我沒(méi)辦法。加布說(shuō)，我什么都做不了，只要在那里陪著她就夠了。

她說(shuō)她可以把自己在浴缸里淹死。

她可以用菜刀割腕。

她可以把頭伸進(jìn)火爐里。

她可以從防火梯上跳下去。

她可以在夜里走下L線列車的站臺(tái)。

When she goes to bed at night, I hear her toss and turn. I hear her cry and call his name. I stand outside her bedroom door, wanting to make it go away,but knowing I cannot. Gabe says that there isn’t anything I can do. Just be there for her, he says.

She says she could drown herself in the bathtub.

She could slice an artery with a kitchen knife.

She could stick her head into the stove.

She could jump from the fire escape.

She could walk onto the “L” platform at night.

51.“之前從沒(méi)有人給過(guò)我一棵樹?！?/p>

“No one’s ever given me a tree before.”

終其一生我都在渴望一個(gè)可以照顧我的人 現(xiàn)在他來(lái)了，我不打算放手

I spent my entire life desperate for someone to take care of me. And there he was.

I wasn’t about to let that go.