那有多難受？這肯定不是那種你可以馬上忘記的失敗。

輸?shù)魵W冠決賽最糟糕的事情可能就是你被迫要用整個(gè)夏天的時(shí)間來消化它。這不像是輸了一場重要的聯(lián)賽，可以在幾天內(nèi)恢復(fù)正軌。在5月底或6月初輸?shù)魶Q賽，你知道至少需要一年的時(shí)間才能彌補(bǔ)遺憾。最重要的是，在你尋求救贖的過程中，面前有歐洲最好的球隊(duì)阻擋著。

這就是當(dāng)皇馬戰(zhàn)勝我們的時(shí)候，我卻很難接受的原因之一。我尊重他們，因?yàn)樗麄兪菤W洲豪門，當(dāng)晚他們理應(yīng)獲得冠軍，但我也知道，由于各種原因，我們沒有發(fā)揮出應(yīng)有的水平，我們對(duì)成為那種為參加決賽而喝彩的球隊(duì)不感興趣。如果我們在比賽中走得這樣遠(yuǎn)，只有一件事很重要，那就是獲勝。

失敗并不可恥，當(dāng)然，你會(huì)從我們在前往基輔的路上取得的所有成就中獲得積極的一面，但只有失敗才能引起的疼痛在那天晚上刻在我們所有人的靈魂上。這就是盡管那種感覺本身現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)消散了，但當(dāng)我坐在隊(duì)花的房間里，還在回憶當(dāng)晚的原因。

我對(duì)回家的航班記憶最深刻?；o離利物浦很遠(yuǎn)，所以我們在飛機(jī)上坐了四小時(shí)，大家都在想發(fā)生了什么事情。和在于皇馬比賽一樣，我不曾閉眼。像往常一樣，我坐在詹姆斯·米爾納旁邊——可能是因?yàn)闆]有其他人愿意！基本上，隊(duì)花和 亨豆必須坐在一起，因?yàn)樗麄冃斡安浑x，然后隊(duì)副和我坐接下來的兩個(gè)座位，老張和太子緊隨其后。公平地說，老米是一個(gè)理想的旅伴。無論情況如何，無論心情如何，他都知道該怎么度過。

有些小伙子喜歡打瞌睡，拉拉納就是其中之一。他會(huì)戴上耳機(jī)，去睡覺，然后在另一個(gè)國家醒來。我、隊(duì)副和亨豆并沒有真正在飛機(jī)上睡覺，所以隊(duì)副拿出他的隨身聽放他的音樂。他試圖用克里斯布朗的東西和孩子們呆在一起，但我不確定他是否真的喜歡。我們都喜歡西城男孩，而且我們通常會(huì)與阿諾德、金寶以及俱樂部的新聞主管馬特·麥卡恩打牌。我們六個(gè)人總是打牌。老米非常善于判斷情況和環(huán)境。

不過這一次，沒有音樂，也沒有人對(duì)打牌感興趣。我和老米坐在一起，我們復(fù)盤了決賽以及出了什么問題。亨豆也加入了。我清楚地記得躺在飛機(jī)的地板上和那兩個(gè)人談?wù)摫荣惖拇蟛糠謺r(shí)間我們在空中。這些都沒有讓我們感覺更好，但我們知道我們必須這樣做。我想在某些方面這是愈合過程的開始，但不是說在那個(gè)階段能感到治愈。我們的傷口太生硬了。

當(dāng)我們在早上 6 點(diǎn)左右降落在利物浦時(shí)，我們吃了一些早餐，然后我等著媽媽、爸爸和蕾切爾的飛機(jī)降落，那架飛機(jī)在我們起飛后不久就起飛了。顯然，本希望我們能在默西塞德郡得到英雄般的歡迎，但當(dāng)我和家人開車回家時(shí)，我知道我們所期待的只是一天的反省。皇馬和我們同臺(tái)競技，但從終場哨響起，我們瞬間處在完全不同的位置。他們有榮耀和快樂，我們唯有痛苦和遺憾。

七點(diǎn)左右我回到了房子，我的孩子們剛起床。其他人都去睡覺了，因?yàn)樗麄冋矶荚诓煌臅r(shí)間飛回來。我沒有心情躺下，所以我做了其他人在這種情況下會(huì)做的事情：我一開門就去Homebase，買了一些烤肉，這樣我就可以用一些毫無戒心的香腸和漢堡來緩解我的沮喪。

其他顧客一定想知道我在做什么，因?yàn)橐粋€(gè)足球運(yùn)動(dòng)員在輸?shù)粢粓鲋卮鬀Q賽后不到12小時(shí)就出現(xiàn)在他當(dāng)?shù)氐?/span>DIY商店可能并不常見，但我知道我必須做點(diǎn)什么，否則我最終只會(huì)整天悶悶不樂。我也知道 2017/18 賽季對(duì)我來說是一個(gè)重要的賽季。

賽季的最后六個(gè)月證明了我是一名利物浦球員，并且可以成為一名利物浦球員，所以在這方面，無論如何進(jìn)行一次聚會(huì)是有道理的。沒有太多的聚會(huì)，但它終究是一個(gè)體面的夜晚，因?yàn)樘鞖夂芎茫彩俏液臀业募胰讼硎鼙舜伺惆榈臋C(jī)會(huì)。 皇家馬德里的球員們可能一直在把西班牙首都涂成紅色——我愿意付出任何代價(jià)，在利物浦做同樣的事情——但我身邊有最重要的人，這絕不是一個(gè)糟糕的安慰。

正是因?yàn)槲覀兊募胰伺c我們一起經(jīng)歷的事情——無論是在我們的成績不好時(shí)忍受我們的壞心情，還是在我們長時(shí)間外出時(shí)照顧家里的事情——與他們分享特殊的時(shí)刻才是如此重要。我認(rèn)為，大約一年后的 2019 年 6 月 1 日，在萬達(dá)大都會(huì)球場的任何人都不會(huì)懷疑我們所愛的人對(duì)所有利物浦球員的意義。

就我而言，我很幸運(yùn)能夠讓我的家人在球場上，我的媽媽和爸爸能夠上球場，而我的未婚妻和兒子也在。我感到非常幸運(yùn)，我能夠與最親近的人分享那段時(shí)間，尤其是因?yàn)檫@是他們最起碼應(yīng)得的。我最小的孩子和蕾切爾的奶奶一起回到了酒店，因?yàn)楫?dāng)時(shí)她只有四個(gè)月大，但后來我見到了她，這本身就很特別。

我試圖打電話回家和我的爺爺說話，但他沒有接聽。后來我發(fā)現(xiàn)他在床上，因?yàn)樗眢w不舒服。他看了決賽，直接上床睡覺了。他本來是要去參加家庭聚會(huì)的，但他們?nèi)ゲ涣耍晕以囍o奶奶打電話，但也沒有用。盡管我們無法對(duì)話，但我很想念他們，因?yàn)樗麄儙椭页蔀楝F(xiàn)在這樣的人，所以我覺得我欠他們很多是很自然的。

我還想到了我的一位阿姨，她和我非常親近，但在之前就去世了。我非常懷疑只有我這樣。你真的開始思念每個(gè)人，無論大小，他們幫你在歐冠決賽結(jié)束時(shí)站在球場上，成為歐洲冠軍。這是一個(gè)令人難以置信的激動(dòng)時(shí)刻，我很幸運(yùn)有這么多特別的人陪伴在我身邊，無論是在球場里還是在我的腦海里。

我從來沒有哭過，但當(dāng)我父親出現(xiàn)在球場上時(shí)，我差點(diǎn)掉下幾滴眼淚，因?yàn)樗薜孟駛€(gè)嬰兒，那是我第一次看到他這樣。我見過他沮喪的表現(xiàn)，但更多的是在葬禮和悲傷時(shí)刻，這兩種情況都很正常。我的媽媽是一個(gè)感性的人，但我的爸爸更像我，所以看到他哭了就說明了這對(duì)他和我全家的意義。

當(dāng)蕾切爾和羅科一起奔跑時(shí)，我很高興看到他們，而不是激動(dòng)。我的小男孩在球場上嬉戲，那時(shí)我成為了一名父親。像往常一樣，我的首要任務(wù)是確保他沒事，因?yàn)樗谕粋€(gè)球場上玩，在幾分鐘前，莫·薩拉赫和迪沃克·奧里吉的進(jìn)球讓我們所有人的夢想成真。人們經(jīng)常被問到他們最快樂的時(shí)間和地點(diǎn)，對(duì)我來說，那些珍貴的時(shí)刻肯定就在那兒。

另一個(gè)真正打動(dòng)我的時(shí)刻出現(xiàn)在我們都站在領(lǐng)獎(jiǎng)臺(tái)上等待亨隊(duì)拿下那個(gè)至少一年內(nèi)會(huì)是我們的美妙獎(jiǎng)杯。我站在那里，脖子上掛著獎(jiǎng)牌，我轉(zhuǎn)身看到了渣叔。我對(duì)他說的第一句話是：“這個(gè)比去年的好多了。” 我不禁想到對(duì)比，我毫不懷疑主帥和所有小伙子都是一樣的。這是我們個(gè)人和集體救贖的時(shí)刻，僅僅通過不同的顏色，這些獎(jiǎng)牌立即代表了我們一起走過的旅程。

從那一刻起，基輔就成為了我們的成功之母。那是我們?nèi)〉贸删偷脑?，而不是定義我們的比賽。這對(duì)我們所有人都很重要，而我也知道對(duì)于所有支持我們的球迷來說，這也是完全一樣的。只有球場上的小伙子們有幸獲得獎(jiǎng)牌，但看臺(tái)上的支持者們同樣值得，因?yàn)闆]有他們，我們甚至不會(huì)在馬德里。真的就是這么簡單。

回到更衣室，那些沒有幸在馬德里的人正在用信息轟炸我，我的手機(jī)幾乎和羅科一樣響個(gè)不停。我從格拉斯哥的朋友那里收到了很多東西，他們是我從兩歲起就和我一起上學(xué)并認(rèn)識(shí)的小伙子。通常他們會(huì)嘲笑我或試圖取笑我頭頂獎(jiǎng)杯的照片，但他們的文字都很情緒化。如果我的媽媽或爸爸或我的未婚妻給我發(fā)了一條情緒化的短信，他們確實(shí)這樣做了，它仍然會(huì)吸引你，但你有點(diǎn)期待它。 但是，當(dāng)它來自你習(xí)慣于和你開玩笑的一個(gè)伙伴時(shí)，它可能會(huì)對(duì)你產(chǎn)生更多的影響。 它顯示了那對(duì)我們的意義以及我們作為朋友對(duì)彼此的意義。我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)告訴他們！

更衣室里的場景將永遠(yuǎn)伴隨著我。我們都在唱著“Campeones”跳舞，香檳灑了一地，一些小伙子把頭發(fā)染成了紅色，這基本上只是一個(gè)完全瘋狂的場景。時(shí)不時(shí)地，你會(huì)看到我們中的一個(gè)人只是坐在那里，盯著我們的獎(jiǎng)牌或拍照，只是想把它全部收起來。然后歐冠比賽涌入腦海，又開球了。

原文

How bad was it? It wasn’t the kind of defeat you get over quickly that’s for certain.

Probably the worst thing about losing a Champions League final is that you are left with a whole summer to stew on it. It’s not like a big league game when you have the chance to put things right within days. Lose the big one at the end of May or early June and you know it will take a year, at the very least, to put the record straight. On top of that, you have the best teams in Europe standing in the way as you go in search of redemption.

That was one of the reasons why I took it so badly when Real got the better of us. I respected them as European giants and on the night they had been deserving winners but I also knew that, for various reasons, we hadn’t done ourselves justice and we weren’t interested in being the kind of team that gets plaudits for reaching the final. If we were going that far in the competition, only one thing mattered and that was winning.

There was no shame in falling short and, of course, you take the positives from all that we achieved on the road to Kiev but the dull ache that only defeat can cause was etched onto all of our souls that night, which was why I recalled that terrible feeling as I sat in Ads’ room even though the feeling itself had now been taken away.

I remembered the flight home more than anything. Kiev is a long way from Liverpool so we were sat on a plane for four hours with all of us having thoughts of what might have been. As with Madrid, I didn’t sleep a wink. As usual, I was sat next to James Milner – probably because nobody else would! Basically, Ads and Hendo had to sit together because they were inseparable and then Milly and myself had the next two seats with Ox and Trent just behind. In fairness to Milly, he’s actually an ideal travelling companion. Whatever the situation and whatever the mood, he knows exactly how to play it.

Some of the lads like to snooze, Lallana was one of them. He would put his headphones on, go to sleep and wake up in a different country. Me, Milly and Hendo don’t really sleep on flights so Milly brings out his wee speakers and puts on his music. He tries to stay down with the kids with Chris Brown stuff but I’m not sure he really likes it. We all love a bit of Westlife and then, more often than not, we will have a game of cards with Trent, Jimbo and Matt McCann, the club’s Head of Press. Six of us play cards, we always do that. Milly is very good at judging the situation and the environment.

This time, though, there was no music and no-one was interested in playing cards. I sat with Milly and we debriefed the final and what had gone wrong. Hendo joined in too. I have a vivid memory of lying on the floor of the plane talking to those two about the game for most of the time we were in the air. None of this was making us feel any better but we knew we had to do it. I suppose in some ways that’s the start of the healing process, not that it felt like any healing was going on at that stage. Our wounds were too raw for that.

When we landed in Liverpool at around 6am we had some breakfast and then I waited for my mum, my dad and Rachel to land on their plane which had taken off not long after ours. Obviously the hope had been that we would be returning to a heroes’ welcome on Merseyside but as I drove back home with my family I knew that all we had to look forward to was a day of introspection having had zero sleep. Real and ourselves had both reached the same stage and played in the same game but from the moment the final whistle had gone, we instantly occupied totally different places. They had the glory and the joy, we had the pain and the regret.

I got back into the house at around seven o’clock and my kids were just up. Everybody else went off to bed because they’d been flying in at different times throughout the night. I wasn’t in the mood for lying down so I did what anyone else would do in that kind of situation: I headed to Homebase as soon as it opened and bought a barbecue so that I could take my frustrations out on some unsuspecting sausages and burgers.

The other shoppers must have been wondering what I was doing because it’s probably not too common an occurrence that a footballer will turn up in his local DIY store less than twelve hours after losing a major final but I knew I had to do something with myself, otherwise I would’ve just ended up stewing on things all day long. I also knew that 2017/18 had been a big season for me.

The last six months of the campaign had kind of proved that I was a Liverpool player and could be a Liverpool player so in that respect, it made sense to have a bit of a get-together regardless. There wasn’t too much of a party but it ended up being a decent night because the weather was good and it was a chance for myself and the rest of my family to enjoy being in each other’s company. The Real Madrid players might have been painting the Spanish capital red – and I would have given anything to have been doing likewise in Liverpool at their expense – but I had the people who matter most around me and that’s never a bad consolation.

It’s because of what our families go through with us – whether it’s putting up with our bad moods when we have a bad result or looking after things at home when we’re away for long periods – that it’s so important to share the special moments with them. I don’t think anyone who was at the Wanda Metropolitano around a year later on June 1, 2019 could have been left in any doubt about what our loved ones mean to all of the Liverpool players.

In my case, I was lucky enough to have my family at the stadium and my mum and dad were able to get onto the pitch afterwards, while my fiancée and son were also in the ground. I feel extremely fortunate that I was able to share that time with those closest to me, especially as this was the very least they deserved. My youngest was back at the hotel with Rachel’s gran because she was only four months old at the time but I got to see her afterwards and that was special in itself.

I tried to phone home to speak to my grandad but he didn’t pick up. I later found out he was in his bed because he wasn’t well. He watched the final and went straight to bed. He was meant to be going to a family party but they were unable to go, so I tried to ring my gran back home but that didn’t work either. I thought about them a lot, even though we were unable to speak because they are the kind of people who helped make me what I am so it’s only natural that I feel like I owe them a great deal.

I also thought about one of my aunties who I had been really close to but who died before her time. I doubt very much that I’m alone in this. You really do start thinking about everyone who has played a part, big or small, in getting you to a position in which you are standing on the pitch at the end of a Champions League final coming to terms with the fact that you are a European Cup winner. It is an incredibly emotional time and I was fortunate to have so many special people with me, either in the stadium or in my thoughts.

I never cried but I came close to shedding a few tears when my dad came on the pitch because he was crying like a baby and that was the first time I had ever seen him like that. I’ve seen him upset but more at funerals and at sad times, both of which are totally normal to see. My mum is an emotional character but my dad is more like me, so seeing him crying summed up how much it meant to him and all of my family.

When Rachel ran on with Rocco I was excited to see them rather than emotional. My little boy was just buzzing to be on the pitch and I became a dad at that point. My priority, as usual, was to make sure he was okay as he charged around on the same playing surface on which goals from Mo Salah and Divock Origi had made all of our dreams come true just a matter of minutes earlier. People often get asked when and where they were happiest and for me those precious moments would have to be right up there.

Another moment that really hit me came when we were all stood on the podium waiting for Jordan to collect that wonderful trophy which was about to become ours for a year at least. I was stood there with the medal around my neck and I turned around and saw Jürgen. The first thing I said to him was: “This one’s a lot better than last year.” I couldn’t help thinking about the contrast and I’ve no doubt it was the same for the gaffer and all of the lads. This was our moment of personal and collective redemption and just by being a different colour, those medals instantly came to represent the journey we had all been on together.

From that moment on, Kiev became the back story to our success; a reason for what we were achieving rather than the game that would define us. That was important for all of us and I know it was exactly the same for all of our supporters who had supported us in unbelievable numbers once again. Only the lads on the pitch are lucky enough to get a medal but those in the stands were equally deserving because without them we would not even have been in Madrid. It really is that simple.

Back in the dressing room, those who were not fortunate enough to be out in Madrid were bombarding me with messages and my phone ended up buzzing almost as much as Rocco. I received loads from friends back home in Glasgow, lads who I had gone to school with and known since I was two years old. Usually they would be slagging me off or trying to make fun of a picture of the trophy above my head, but their texts were all quite emotional. If my mum or dad or my fiancée had sent me an emotional text, which they did, it still gets you but you kind of half expect it. But when it is from one of your mates who you’re just used to joking around with then it probably affects you a little bit more. It showed how much it meant to us and what we mean to each other as friends. I just wouldn’t ever tell them that!

The scenes in the dressing room will live with me forever. We were all dancing around singing ‘Campeones’, champagne was spraying all over the place, some of the lads were dying their hair red and it was basically just a scene of total and utter delirium. Every now and again you would see one of us just sat there, staring at our medal or taking pictures of it, just trying to take it all in. Then the European Cup got brought in and it all kicked off again.