中英文稿

我曾經(jīng)認(rèn)為?人生的意義便是追尋快樂。?世人普遍認(rèn)為 成功是通往幸福的道路，?因此我尋找理想的工作，?完美的伴侶還有舒適的住處。?可我非但沒有感到充實(shí)，?反而感到焦慮迷茫。?這種情況不止發(fā)生在我身上 ， 我身邊的朋友也一樣。

最終我決定去研修 “積極心理學(xué)”，?去研究什么才能讓人們 感到真正幸福。?我的成果改變了我的人生。?數(shù)據(jù)顯示一味尋求快樂 反而得不到快樂。?同時(shí)讓我震驚的是：?全球的自殺率都在上升，?最近美國(guó)的自殺率達(dá)到了 30年來的最高峰。?但事實(shí)上人們的生活水平?在你能想到的領(lǐng)域上都有所提升，?越來越多的人感到絕望，?抑郁以及孤獨(dú)。?即使你不是抑郁癥患者， 也能感受到?空虛感正侵蝕著我們的內(nèi)心。?遲早，我們都會(huì)疑惑：?人生就是如此了嗎？?研究顯示造成這種絕望感的?并不是生活缺乏快樂。?而是因?yàn)樯鄙倭?人生的意義。

因此我思索?人生除了快樂還有什么 更重要的事情？?以及快樂的人生與?有意義的人生有什么不同？?很多心理學(xué)家把快樂定義為 一種安心舒適的狀態(tài)，?在當(dāng)下感到開心。?意義則有更深的含義。?著名的心理學(xué)家馬丁·賽里格曼認(rèn)為?意義來源于歸屬和獻(xiàn)身 高于自我的事物?還有塑造最好的自己。?我們的文化醉心于尋求快樂，?但我意識(shí)到尋求意義更 能讓你有滿足感。?研究顯示有意義的人生?讓人更變得更堅(jiān)毅，?在學(xué)業(yè)和事業(yè)上更成功，?壽命也更長(zhǎng)。

這一切都讓我思考：?如何才能讓人生更有意義？?為了找出答案， 我在五年間采訪了幾百余人?并翻閱了浩海如煙的心理學(xué)，?神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)學(xué)和哲學(xué)文獻(xiàn)。?經(jīng)過所有這些努力，?我發(fā)現(xiàn)構(gòu)成有意義的人生 需要四大支柱。?只要我們能構(gòu)建全部 或部分支柱。?我們所有人都能擁有 有意義的人生。

第一大支柱便是：歸屬感。?歸屬感來源于人際關(guān)系中?你的內(nèi)在價(jià)值在哪里，?以及同時(shí)你對(duì)別人的價(jià)值認(rèn)可。?但某些組織和人際關(guān)系 給予廉價(jià)的歸屬感；?你的價(jià)值在于你的信仰，?在于你討厭誰，?而不是你是誰。?真正的歸屬感來源于愛。?它時(shí)時(shí)刻刻都縈繞在你身邊，?這是個(gè)選擇——你可以選擇 跟誰培養(yǎng)歸屬感。

舉一個(gè)例子。?我的朋友喬納森每天都在 紐約同一家?小店里買報(bào)紙。?他和店主不止是商業(yè)交易。?他們會(huì)花點(diǎn)時(shí)間聊聊天，?很親切地對(duì)待對(duì)方。?有一次喬納森沒有零錢，?店主就說，?“沒事，不用付了”?但喬納森堅(jiān)持付錢，?為了換零錢他去店里買了些?他不用的東西。?當(dāng)他把錢給店主的時(shí)候，?店主拒絕了。?他心里很受傷。?他本想慷慨對(duì)人，?但喬納森拒絕了他的好意。

我想我們都會(huì)在無意中傷害他人。?我也如此。?我有時(shí)撞見我認(rèn)識(shí)的人卻沒打招呼。?有時(shí)候我在別人和我說話時(shí)看手機(jī)。?這種做法貶低了他人。?讓他們覺得自己沒有存在感和價(jià)值。?但當(dāng)你用愛聯(lián)系他人，你建立的紐帶?就激勵(lì)了你們雙方。

對(duì)很多人來說，歸屬感是人生意義的 最重要來源，?那些與家人和朋友的紐帶。?而對(duì)其他人而言，意義的關(guān)鍵來源 的第二大支柱是：人生目的。?找到人生目的?和找到讓你快樂的工作不一樣。?人生目的并不在于你所得 而在于你所給。?一位醫(yī)院的管理員說他的人生目的 就是治愈病患。?很多家長(zhǎng)會(huì)說人生目的是?“養(yǎng)育自己的孩子”。?人生目的意味著盡自己的能力去 幫助他人。?當(dāng)然對(duì)很多人來說，我們通過工作 來實(shí)現(xiàn)人生目的。?這是我們的貢獻(xiàn)，也是感到被需要的方式。?但這也同時(shí)說明工作中的疏離問題，?失業(yè)，?低勞動(dòng)參與率——?不僅是經(jīng)濟(jì)問題也是 關(guān)乎生死存亡的問題。?沒有值得做的事情，?人們就會(huì)陷入困境。?當(dāng)然不一定非得做份 滿足人生目的工作，?但目的給了你活著的意義，?這些“為什么”能讓你堅(jiān)持走下去。

第三大支柱同樣跟超越自我有關(guān)。?但方式完全不一樣

那就是超驗(yàn)。?超驗(yàn)的狀態(tài)非常罕有，?那一刻你忘卻了日常中的繁瑣喧囂，?進(jìn)入忘我的狀態(tài)，?你感到自己與更高 的真實(shí)世界相連。?我聊過的某個(gè)人說他欣賞藝術(shù)時(shí) 便會(huì)進(jìn)入超驗(yàn)狀態(tài)。?另一個(gè)說進(jìn)入教堂時(shí)會(huì)如此。?對(duì)我來說，作為作家， 這會(huì)發(fā)生在我寫作時(shí)。?有時(shí)候我太投入了，以致忘記時(shí)間流逝， 忘記身處何處。?這些超驗(yàn)的體驗(yàn)?zāi)苷娴母淖兡恪?有個(gè)讓學(xué)生們仰視200英尺 （約61米）的桉樹?一分鐘的實(shí)驗(yàn)。?在這之后，他們會(huì)感到更少的自我，?有機(jī)會(huì)幫助他人時(shí)?會(huì)變得更慷慨。

歸屬感，人生目的，超驗(yàn)。?第四個(gè)構(gòu)成意義的支柱，?讓人意想不到。?那就是講故事。?向自己講述自己的故事。?從生活事件中提煉出故事 讓你更加清晰。?幫助你理解你如何成為你自己。?人們總是忽視我們是故事的作者，?可以改變講故事的方式。?人生不只是一連串事件。?雖然發(fā)生的事情不可改變，?但你可以編輯、解釋和復(fù)述你的故事。

我曾遇到一個(gè)叫艾馬卡的年輕人 他因打橄欖球而受傷癱瘓了。?他受傷后不斷告訴自己，?“我曾經(jīng)是打橄欖球的好手，?可你看看我現(xiàn)在的樣子。“?人們經(jīng)常用這樣的基調(diào)講故事——?“我生活曾經(jīng)美滿，現(xiàn)在很糟糕?！?這樣只會(huì)讓人更焦躁和抑郁。?艾馬卡過去有一陣就這樣子。?但一段時(shí)間后，他開始 講述不一樣的故事。?他的新故事是：?”我受傷前，人生并沒有什么目的 。?我整日游樂，十分自私。?受傷后我意識(shí)到我可以 變成更好的自己。”?這樣的講述改變了他的生活。?在重述了自己的故事后，?他開始指導(dǎo)孩子們，?并且還發(fā)現(xiàn)了自己的人生目的是：?幫助他人。?心理學(xué)家丹·麥克亞當(dāng)把這種行為 叫做“救贖性故事”，?用好的來救贖不好的。?他發(fā)現(xiàn)，過著有意義人生的人?說的故事通常都是?由救贖、成長(zhǎng)、愛來定義的。

是什么讓人們改變了 他們的故事？?有些人從心理療師那得到了幫助，?但你也可以完全依靠自己。?只需仔細(xì)地反思你的生活，?那些塑造你的經(jīng)歷，?你所失去和你所得到的東西。?艾馬卡就是這么做的。?你不可能一夜之間 改變自己的故事。?這可能要經(jīng)歷多年的痛苦掙扎。?畢竟，我們都經(jīng)歷過 苦難，都掙扎過。?但接納這些痛苦的回憶會(huì)讓 我們有新的見解和智慧，?去找到支撐你的好東西。

歸屬感，人生目的，超驗(yàn)，講故事：?這就是構(gòu)成有意義人生的四大支柱。?當(dāng)我還小時(shí)，?我很幸運(yùn)地被所有的四大支柱圍繞。?我父母在蒙特利爾的家 開了個(gè)蘇非派禮拜堂。?蘇非主義是一種與詩人魯米 和苦行有關(guān)的?心靈修煉。?蘇菲教徒們每周兩次來到我家?冥想，喝波斯茶，分享故事。?他們的修行還包括做微小的善事?來幫助世間萬物，?這意味著即使別人誤解你， 你也要善良對(duì)人。?這給他們了人生目的：約束自我。

最后，我離家去讀大學(xué)，?并且日常生活中沒有了蘇非主義，?我感到生活沒了重心。?于是我開始尋找如何過有意義的人生。?這樣我才開始了這段人生旅途。?回首過去，我意識(shí)到?蘇非禮拜堂充盈著真的的文化意義。?這些支柱是結(jié)構(gòu)的一部分，?這些支柱的存在幫助 我們更深入生活。

當(dāng)然這樣的法則也適用于?其他強(qiáng)大的組織——?好的或壞的組織。?黑幫，邪教：?它們同樣提供了文化上的意義支柱，?給了人們?yōu)橹?，為之死的東西。?因此社會(huì)更應(yīng)該?給予更好的替代。?我們應(yīng)該在我們的家庭和機(jī)構(gòu)里 建設(shè)這些有意義的支柱，?來讓人們成為最好的自己。?但要過有意義的人生需要努力。?這是一個(gè)連續(xù)不斷的過程。?每天我們都在書寫自己的人生，?加入新的故事。?有時(shí)我們會(huì)偏離正軌。

每當(dāng)那發(fā)生在我身上時(shí)，?我會(huì)回想我與父親間 的一個(gè)重要談話。?就在我大學(xué)畢業(yè)幾個(gè)月后，?我的父親心臟病發(fā)作，這差點(diǎn)讓他離世。?但他活下來了，之后我問他面臨死亡時(shí)?他在想什么，?他說他滿腦子想的都是活下去，?這樣才能陪在我哥哥和我身邊，?這給了他努力活下去的信念。?當(dāng)他被麻醉進(jìn)行緊急手術(shù)的時(shí)候，?他不是倒念10，而是重復(fù)?我和哥哥的名字當(dāng)做禱語。?如果他死了，他希望我們的名字?是他最后的話語。

我父親是一個(gè)木匠和蘇非教徒。?過著謙卑的生活，?但也是一個(gè)美好的生活。?當(dāng)面對(duì)死亡時(shí)，他有活下去的理由：?愛。?他對(duì)家里的歸屬感，?他作為父親的人生目的，?他念我們的名字時(shí)的超驗(yàn)冥想——?他說這就是他活下來的原因。?他就是這樣講述自己故事的。

這就是人生意義的力量。?快樂來來去去。?當(dāng)生活一切順利，?或者遭遇不幸時(shí)，?有意義會(huì)讓你堅(jiān)持下去。

謝謝大家。

（掌聲）

I used to think?the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness.?Everyone said the path to happiness was success,?so I searched for that ideal job,?that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment.?But instead of ever feeling fulfilled,?I felt anxious and adrift.?And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.

Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology?to learn what truly makes people happy.?But what I discovered there changed my life.?The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy.?And what really struck me was this:?the suicide rate has been rising around the world,?and it recently reached a 30-year high in America.?Even though life is getting objectively better?by nearly every conceivable standard,?more people feel hopeless,?depressed and alone.?There's an emptiness gnawing away at people,?and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it.?Sooner or later, I think we all wonder:?Is this all there is??And according to the research, what predicts this despair?is not a lack of happiness.?It's a lack of something else,?a lack of having meaning in life.

But that raised some questions for me.?Is there more to life than being happy??And what's the difference between being happy?and having meaning in life??Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease,?feeling good in the moment.?Meaning, though, is deeper.?The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says?meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself?and from developing the best within you.?Our culture is obsessed with happiness,?but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path.?And the studies show that people who have meaning in life,?they're more resilient,?they do better in school and at work,?and they even live longer.

So this all made me wonder:?How can we each live more meaningfully??To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people?and reading through thousands of pages of psychology,?neuroscience and philosophy.?Bringing it all together,?I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life.?And we can each create lives of meaning?by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.

The first pillar is belonging.?Belonging comes from being in relationships?where you're valued for who you are intrinsically?and where you value others as well.?But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging;?you're valued for what you believe,?for who you hate,?not for who you are.?True belonging springs from love.?It lives in moments among individuals,?and it's a choice -- you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.

Here's an example.?Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper?from the same street vendor in New York.?They don't just conduct a transaction, though.?They take a moment to slow down, talk,?and treat each other like humans.?But one time, Jonathan didn't have the right change,?and the vendor said,?"Don't worry about it."?But Jonathan insisted on paying,?so he went to the store and bought something he didn't need?to make change.?But when he gave the money to the vendor,?the vendor drew back.?He was hurt.?He was trying to do something kind,?but Jonathan had rejected him.

I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it.?I do.?I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them.?I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me.?These acts devalue others.?They make them feel invisible and unworthy.?But when you lead with love, you create a bond?that lifts each of you up.

For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning,?those bonds to family and friends.?For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose.?Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing?as finding that job that makes you happy.?Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give.?A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people.?Many parents tell me,?"My purpose is raising my children."?The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others.?Of course, for many of us, that happens through work.?That's how we contribute and feel needed.?But that also means that issues like disengagement at work,?unemployment,?low labor force participation --?these aren't just economic problems, they're existential ones, too.?Without something worthwhile to do,?people flounder.?Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work,?but purpose gives you something to live for,?some "why" that drives you forward.

The third pillar of meaning is also about stepping beyond yourself,?but in a completely different way:?transcendence.?Transcendent states are those rare moments?when you're lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life,?your sense of self fades away,?and you feel connected to a higher reality.?For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeing art.?For another person, it was at church.?For me, I'm a writer, and it happens through writing.?Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and place.?These transcendent experiences can change you.?One study had students look up at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees?for one minute.?But afterwards they felt less self-centered,?and they even behaved more generously?when given the chance to help someone.

Belonging, purpose, transcendence.?Now, the fourth pillar of meaning, I've found,?tends to surprise people.?The fourth pillar is storytelling,?the story you tell yourself about yourself.?Creating a narrative from the events of your life brings clarity.?It helps you understand how you became you.?But we don't always realize that we're the authors of our stories?and can change the way we're telling them.?Your life isn't just a list of events.?You can edit, interpret and retell your story,?even as you're constrained by the facts.

I met a young man named Emeka, who'd been paralyzed playing football.?After his injury, Emeka told himself,?"My life was great playing football,?but now look at me."?People who tell stories like this --?"My life was good. Now it's bad." --?tend to be more anxious and depressed.?And that was Emeka for a while.?But with time, he started to weave a different story.?His new story was,?"Before my injury, my life was purposeless.?I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy.?But my injury made me realize I could be a better man."?That edit to his story changed Emeka's life.?After telling the new story to himself,?Emeka started mentoring kids,?and he discovered what his purpose was:?serving others.?The psychologist Dan McAdams calls this a "redemptive story,"?where the bad is redeemed by the good.?People leading meaningful lives, he's found,?tend to tell stories about their lives?defined by redemption, growth and love.

But what makes people change their stories??Some people get help from a therapist,?but you can do it on your own, too,?just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully,?how your defining experiences shaped you,?what you lost, what you gained.?That's what Emeka did.?You won't change your story overnight;?it could take years and be painful.?After all, we've all suffered, and we all struggle.?But embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and wisdom,?to finding that good that sustains you.

Belonging, purpose, transcendence, storytelling:?those are the four pillars of meaning.?When I was younger,?I was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars.?My parents ran a Sufi meetinghouse from our home in Montreal.?Sufism is a spiritual practice associated with the whirling dervishes?and the poet Rumi.?Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home?to meditate, drink Persian tea, and share stories.?Their practice also involved serving all of creation?through small acts of love,?which meant being kind even when people wronged you.?But it gave them a purpose: to rein in the ego.

Eventually, I left home for college?and without the daily grounding of Sufism in my life,?I felt unmoored.?And I started searching for those things that make life worth living.?That's what set me on this journey.?Looking back, I now realize?that the Sufi house had a real culture of meaning.?The pillars were part of the architecture,?and the presence of the pillars helped us all live more deeply.

Of course, the same principle applies?in other strong communities as well --?good ones and bad ones.?Gangs, cults:?these are cultures of meaning that use the pillars?and give people something to live and die for.?But that's exactly why we as a society?must offer better alternatives.?We need to build these pillars within our families and our institutions?to help people become their best selves.?But living a meaningful life takes work.?It's an ongoing process.?As each day goes by, we're constantly creating our lives,?adding to our story.?And sometimes we can get off track.

Whenever that happens to me,?I remember a powerful experience I had with my father.?Several months after I graduated from college,?my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him.?He survived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind?as he faced death,?he said all he could think about was needing to live?so he could be there for my brother and me,?and this gave him the will to fight for life.?When he went under anesthesia for emergency surgery,?instead of counting backwards from 10,?he repeated our names like a mantra.?He wanted our names to be the last words he spoke on earth?if he died.

My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi.?It's a humble life,?but a good life.?Lying there facing death, he had a reason to live:?love.?His sense of belonging within his family,?his purpose as a dad,?his transcendent meditation, repeating our names --?these, he says, are the reasons why he survived.?That's the story he tells himself.

That's the power of meaning.?Happiness comes and goes.?But when life is really good?and when things are really bad,?having meaning gives you something to hold on to.

Thank you.

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