原題：

近年來，中國城市加快發(fā)展，城市人居環(huán)境得到顯著改善。許多城市努力探索中國特色的城市高質(zhì)量發(fā)展之路，城市功能不斷完善，治理水平明顯提高。中國持續(xù)開展城市生態(tài)修復和功能修補，全面實施城鎮(zhèn)老舊小區(qū)改造，大力推進城市園林綠化，消除污染，同時大力推進城市基礎設施體系化建設，開展房屋建筑和市政設施普查以及安全隱患排查整治，努力為市民創(chuàng)造高品質(zhì)的生活環(huán)境，讓城市更美麗、更安全、更宜居。

網(wǎng)絡版（華研外語）

In recent years, Chinese cities have accelerated their development, and the urban living environment has been significantly improved. Many cities have been trying to explore the path of high-quality urban development with Chinese characteristics, continuously improving urban functions, and significantly enhancing governance levels. China has been continuously carrying out urban ecological repair restoration and functional comprehensively implementing the renovation of old urban neighborhoods, vigorously promoting urban landscaping and greening, and eliminating pollution. At the same time, China has been vigorously promoting the systematic construction of urban infrastructure conducting surveys of housing construction and municipal facilities as well as identifying and rectifying safety hazards，striving to create a high-quality living environment for citizens，making cities more beautiful, safer and more livable.

綜上而看，六級標準足矣。但是嚴格意義講，還是存在一些翻譯不足。

不足之處一二：（來自【翠山觀景】許老師）

1. try to explore啰嗦. explore本身就是try。

2.城市治理，結(jié)合上下文，不是講governance，而是management。

3. landscaping與greening語義重復。

4 全面實施，不是comprehensively,全面是全國性的意思。

5 eliminate pollution話說的太絕對了。誰能根除污染？應該用reduce。

6 房屋建筑翻譯為houses就可以了。housing construction是住房施工工程。

7 機械的使用ing結(jié)構(gòu)，濫用and ，而不考慮原文深層的前后關(guān)系，使得文章讀起來生硬。

以下是我增加的不足點：

8 acclerate顯得發(fā)展是十分被動的，違背了原文的初衷

9 continuous carry out?顯得在制定政策上來回發(fā)布新政策，不專業(yè)且不嚴謹

10 rectify hazard?成了字面上的修復隱患，難道隱患還有邪惡的？hazard是要eliminate的

解析：

第一句：“……中國城市加快發(fā)展，城市人居環(huán)境得到顯著改善”

這里存在的因果關(guān)系：城市人居環(huán)境改善 是 中國城市加快發(fā)展的結(jié)果。

【詞匯】加快：quicken one’s step in…

quicken和accelerate的區(qū)別在于：前者更體現(xiàn)出主動性，使得翻譯更具生命特色。

而accelerate偏向于外部力量推動其前進，比如汽車的加速就多為acceleration，物理上的a就是acceleration的簡稱。

【邏輯】：城市人居環(huán)境得到顯著改善【歸功于】中國城市加快發(fā)展。

當積極的事件表達原因的時候，可以使用thanks to體現(xiàn)出情感色彩。

Urban living conditions have remarkably improved over the past few years thanks to China's quickening steps in its urban development.

大幅提高：have remarkably improved / improved remarkably

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第二句：

許多城市努力探索中國特色的城市高質(zhì)量發(fā)展之路，城市功能不斷完善，治理水平明顯提高。

【邏輯】許多城市努力探索中國特色的城市高質(zhì)量發(fā)展之路，【通過他們的努力】【他們獲得的經(jīng)驗使得】城市功能不斷完善，治理水平明顯提高。

努力：seek to do / endeavor to do / work hard to do / be committed to doing / be devoted to doing / dedicated oneself to doing

A lot of cities have been seeking ways of high-quality development with Chinese characteristics, through which, they have gained great improvements in urban functions and management.

【難點】：城市的功能、治理完善和提高，是由于他們在這一方面獲得了經(jīng)驗而實現(xiàn)。這里存在一層深層邏輯。完善和提高用一個詞improvement就可以都表明出來，適度讓語言簡化。

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第三句：

“中國持續(xù)開展城市生態(tài)修復和功能修補，……”

【邏輯】持續(xù)要體現(xiàn)出“持續(xù)性”，使用現(xiàn)在完成進行時，或者是有體現(xiàn)“不斷”的短語。

make unremitting efforts to do sth. 為了某件事不停地努力。

?????? unremitting adj. 不間斷的，不放棄的，堅持不懈的

這里提到的修復和修補可使用詞匯ameliorate表示，和improve的區(qū)別在于：ameliorate偏向于從較差的狀態(tài)中將其改善，使之達到較好的狀態(tài)。

本句可使用China has been making unremitting efforts to ameliorate its urban ecosystems and functions

【易錯詞】（網(wǎng)絡版）continuously carried out…

【討論】continuously carry out顯得是“不斷出臺新政策”，給人一種不斷重新做決定的感覺，顯得比較業(yè)余。

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第四句：

“全面實施城鎮(zhèn)老舊小區(qū)改造，大力推進城市園林綠化，消除污染，……”

【邏輯】全面實施城鎮(zhèn)老舊小區(qū)改造，大力推進城市園林綠化，消除污染 的【全面】是【全國范圍內(nèi)】

也就是說【國家】在【全國范圍內(nèi)】實施城鎮(zhèn)老舊小區(qū)改造，大力推進城市園林綠化，消除污染

繼續(xù)上句，renovate its old towns and urban residential communities (老舊小區(qū)官方翻譯為old urban residential communities，來源：中國日報), invigorate urban greening and reduce pollution

【易錯詞】消除污染：eliminate pollution。污染是一個相對概念，不是一個絕對概念，所以eliminate有些“一刀切”的意味，不符合“污染”的邏輯

renovate its old towns and urban residential communities, invigorate urban greening and reduce pollution nationwide.

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第五句：

同時大力推進城市基礎設施體系化建設，開展房屋建筑和市政設施普查以及安全隱患排查整治，努力為市民創(chuàng)造高品質(zhì)的生活環(huán)境，讓城市更美麗、更安全、更宜居。

【詞匯】大力推進：push forward，安全隱患：safety hazards

開展房屋建筑和市政設施普查以及安全隱患排查整治：conduct surveys on settlements and municipal facilities and inspections against safety hazards.

【邏輯】對于安全隱患的排查整治，安全和隱患是對立的概念，所以可以直接用against體現(xiàn)出來?；蛘遲o eliminate，隱患是要消除的。

第六句：

“讓城市更美麗、更安全、更宜居?！?/p>

【邏輯】通過這些努力，城市更美麗、更安全、更宜居。

努力某事的第三個表達法：strive for sth. / strive to do sth.

The?country is striving for higher-quality living environment for urban dwellers.?Through these efforts, it is?making cities more attractive, safer and more livable.

【易混詞】stride?精神抖擻，大步向前

take full / confident strides on?

“我們正意氣風發(fā)邁上全面建設社會主義現(xiàn)代化國家新征程，向第二個百年奮斗目標進軍，以中國式現(xiàn)代化全面推進中華民族偉大復興。”

Now we are taking full and confident strides on a new journey to turn China into a modern socialist country in all respects, to advance toward the Second Centenary Goal and to embrace the great rejuvenation of the Chinese nation on all fronts through a Chinese path to modernization.

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【語言要點】：措辭與時態(tài)

本文在使用時態(tài)的時候多為現(xiàn)在完成時，或者現(xiàn)在完成進行時，體現(xiàn)出的目的如下：

1-??? 使用現(xiàn)在完成時，體現(xiàn)的是和過去的對比，體現(xiàn)出進步是一個過程，且和過去進步明顯。

2-??? 使用現(xiàn)在完成進行時，體現(xiàn)的是趨向性，體現(xiàn)出這種積極變化將持續(xù)下去。

我的制作版：

Urban living conditions have remarkably improved over the past few years thanks to China's quickening steps in its urban development. A lot of cities have been seeking ways of high-quality development with Chinese characteristics, through which, they have gained great improvements in urban functions and management. China has been making unremitting efforts to ameliorate its urban ecosystems and functions, renovate old towns and urban residential communities nationwide, invigorate urban greening and reduce pollution. Meanwhile, it has been pushing forward building urban infrastructures systems, conduct surveys on settlements and municipal facilities and inspections against potential safety hazards. The country is striving for higher-quality living environment for urban dwellers.?Through these efforts, it is?making cities more attractive, safer and more livable.

最后是許老師的最佳版本：

Recent years have witnessed considerable improvement in the urban living environment as cities in China quicken their paces of development. Thanks to the great effort made to explore the path to high-quality development with Chinese characteristics, a lot of cities have become more experienced in urban management with improved functions. China has been committed to the urban ecological restoration and repair of ecological function, the renovation of old residential communities across the country, urban greening, and pollution reduction. Meanwhile, it has worked hard to advance the systematic construction of urban infrastructure, and the survey of houses and municipal facilities while treating hidden safety hazards. By doing so, it seeks to create a high-quality living environment that is prettier, safer, and more livable for its citizens.

Reference:

“老舊小區(qū)”英文翻譯：https://baijiahao.baidu.com/s?id=1755430123609946480&wfr=spider&for=pc