成都IELTS雅思英語(yǔ)作業(yè)批改案例分享

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places.
However, some people are concerned about its impact on these local areas.
Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?
Your response
It is common to see people travel to?some?foreign countries these days, but
some people are worried that international tourism?will?also leads?to many
harmful effects on the local areas. In my opinion, I believe there are more
benefits than drawbacks.

From an economic perspective, international travel can boost the economy in
resort areas. When people travel abroad, they need to book hotels, buy
entrance tickets and purchase?some?souvenirs. All?of those this?consumptions
contributes?to their?local economy. This can be seen, for example,?in Thailand,
where?the entire Thai economy revolves around tourism and the country has
been able to uplift its socio-economic status through its flourishing hospitality
sector.

International tourism?could?also offers?an effective way to promote?cultural
communication. It is the cultural backgrounds that formed into?different
architectural styles, dressing styles and even mindsets in?each different
nations. Foreign tourists are exposed to the local buildings and folks people on
their trips. By taking photos?with constructions of these buildings?or talking
with locals, those tourists are highly likely?to become?interested in local culture
as they experienced?it in?the most straightforward way directly. Thus, people
would be become?more tolerant of other cultures,?and then which?reduces
cultural conflicts in the world.

However,?the a?rising influx of holidaymakers is associated with some local
environmental problems. The more people are in one place, the more waste is
accumulated, and?the?more noise is produced. In sightseeing places, it is not
uncommon to see overflowing trash bins with water bottles, takeaway
containers,?and?so on and so forth. Nevertheless, governments could invest in
cleaning systems and install noise reduction devices so that those problems
could be controlled.

In conclusion, although international tourism has a little impact on the
environment, it can promote economic growth and cultural exchange to a
larger extent. The government would be better to use partial tourism income
to construct eco-friendly facilities as well.
Feedback
Task Response
The candidate addresses all parts of the task, and a relevant position is
presented. Relevant main ideas are presented but some may be unclear (see
comment boxes).?In order to reach a Band 7, there would need to be clearly
explained main ideas throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The writer arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear
overall progression. Cohesive devices are used effectively, but cohesion within
sentences may be faulty, for example (This can be seen, for example,?in
Thailand, where?the entire Thai economy revolves around tourism). For the
candidate to attain a Band 7 in this criterion, there would need to be more
accurate cohesion within sentences.

Vocabulary
The writing uses a sufficientrange of vocabulary to communicate the issues
with some flexibility and precision. Less common items are demonstrated with
some use of collocation and style (From an economic perspective, international
travel can boost the economy in resort areas). There are occasional errors in
word choice that reduce clarity (By taking photos?with constructions of these
buildings?or talking with locals, those tourists are highly likely?to become
interested in local culture as they experienced?it in?the most straightforward
way directly). In order to achieve a Band 8, there would need to be more range
and accuracy of the vocabulary displayed.

Grammar
The writing displays a mix of simple sentences and complex sentence forms
(sentences with a dependent clause) For example, (It is the cultural
backgrounds that formed into?different architectural styles, dressing styles and
even mindsets in?each different?nations). In order to achieve a Band 7, there
would need to be frequent error free sentences with more accuracy in the
complex sentences.

Sample Answer
While international tourism has provided local areas an increasing number of benefits to local areas, these places have suffered as well. However, I believe that any detrimental impact caused is far outweighed by the good the industry brings.
There are many advantages of tourism. The most obvious benefit for the local areas is the economic wealth that tourism brings. Local people will be employed in many hotels and restaurants to cater for the tourists. This will result in better living standards for the employees. Another case in point is that it promotes cultural awareness among local people. They will be able to meet foreigners and find out about their ways of doing things. They can also practice speaking to them in their language.
However, there are some negative aspects to consider. Tourist areas can be dangerous places to be. Criminals such as pickpockets often operate in the areas. This isn’t just dangerous for the tourists but even more for the locals who have to live there all the time. A second point to consider is the pollution that tourism brings. The plastic litter on beaches caused by the tourists often goes straight into the sea. Furthermore, the increased air pollution from traffic in the more visited spots is getting worse over the years as more tourists travel.
In conclusion, I think the impact of international tourism on economic growth and raised cultural awareness for local people outweigh the environmental and criminal issues. If these areas were policed more effectively, then these negative factors could be reduced.