什么是美好的生活？最長的幸福研究的教訓

What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

演講者：Robert Waldinger

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What keeps us healthy and happy?as we go through life??If you were going to invest now?in your future best self,?where would you put your time and your energy??There was a recent survey of millennials?asking them what their most important life goals were,?and over 80 percent said?that a major life goal for them was to get rich.?And another 50 percent of those same young adults?said that another major life goal?was to become famous.

是什么讓我們在生活中保持健康和快樂？?如果你現(xiàn)在要投資于你未來最好的自己，你會把時間放在哪里 你的能量呢？?最近有一項針對千禧一代的調(diào)查，詢問他們什么 最重要的人生目標是，超過80%的人表示這是他們的主要人生目標 是為了致富。?另外 50% 這些年輕人說，另一個主要的人生目標是成名。

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And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder?and achieve more.?We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after?in order to have a good life.?Pictures of entire lives,?of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,?those pictures are almost impossible to get.?Most of what we know about human life?we know from asking people to remember the past,?and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20.?We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,?and sometimes memory is downright creative.

我們不斷被告知 傾身工作，更加努力，取得更多成就。?我們給人的印象是這些 是我們為了過上好日子而需要追求的東西。?整個生活的照片，人們做出的選擇的圖片 以及這些選擇如何為他們工作，這些圖片 幾乎不可能得到。?我們對人類生活的了解大部分是通過詢問人們來了解的。 記住過去，正如我們所知，事后諸葛亮 絕不是 20/20。?我們忘記了大量的 生活中發(fā)生在我們身上的事情，有時還有記憶 是徹頭徹尾的創(chuàng)意。

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But what if we could watch entire lives?as they unfold through time??What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers?all the way into old age?to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

但是，如果我們能觀察整個生命在時間中展開呢？?如果我們能研究人會怎樣 從他們十幾歲的時候一直到老年，看看是什么真正讓人們 快樂健康？

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We did that.?The Harvard Study of Adult Development?may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done.?For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men,?year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health,?and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories?were going to turn out.

我們做到了。?哈佛成人發(fā)展研究可能是最長的研究 曾經(jīng)做過的成年生活。?75年來，我們一直在追蹤 724名男子的生活，年復(fù)一年，詢問他們的工作， 他們的家庭生活，他們的健康，當然還有一路上的詢問 不知道他們的人生故事會如何發(fā)展。

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Studies like this are exceedingly rare.?Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade?because too many people drop out of the study,?or funding for the research dries up,?or the researchers get distracted,?or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field.?But through a combination of luck?and the persistence of several generations of researchers,?this study has survived.?About 60 of our original 724 men?are still alive,?still participating in the study,?most of them in their 90s.?And we are now beginning to study?the more than 2,000 children of these men.?And I'm the fourth director of the study.

像這樣的研究非常罕見。?幾乎所有此類項目 十年內(nèi)分崩離析，因為太多人 退出研究，或者研究資金枯竭，或者研究人員分心，或者他們死了，沒有人移動球 再往下走。?但通過運氣和堅持的結(jié)合 在幾代研究人員中，這項研究幸存下來。?我們最初的60名男性中約有724人還活著，仍在參與這項研究，其中大多數(shù)已經(jīng)90多歲了。?我們現(xiàn)在開始研究這些人的2000多個孩子。?我是這項研究的第四任主任。

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Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men.?The first group started in the study?when they were sophomores at Harvard College.?They all finished college during World War II,?and then most went off to serve in the war.?And the second group that we've followed?was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,?boys who were chosen for the study?specifically because they were from some of the most troubled?and disadvantaged families?in the Boston of the 1930s.?Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.

自 1938 年以來，我們一直在追蹤生活 兩組男人。?第一組在大二時就開始研究 在哈佛學院。?他們都完成了大學學業(yè) 在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)期間，然后大多數(shù)都消失了 在戰(zhàn)爭中服役。?我們關(guān)注的第二組是一群男孩。 來自波士頓最貧窮的社區(qū)，被選中參加這項研究的男孩是因為他們?來自?1930 年代波士頓一些最麻煩和處境最不利的家庭。?大多數(shù)人住在公寓里， 許多人沒有冷熱水。

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When they entered the study,?all of these teenagers were interviewed.?They were given medical exams.?We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.?And then these teenagers grew up into adults?who entered all walks of life.?They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,?one President of the United States.?Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia.?Some climbed the social ladder?from the bottom all the way to the very top,?and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

當他們進入研究時，所有這些青少年都接受了采訪。?他們接受了體檢。?我們?nèi)チ怂麄兗?我們采訪了他們的父母。?然后這些青少年 長大成人，進入各行各業(yè)。?他們成為工廠工人和律師 瓦工和醫(yī)生，一位美國總統(tǒng)。?有些人發(fā)展為酗酒。 少數(shù)人患上了精神分裂癥。?有些人從底層爬上了社會階梯?一路走到最頂峰，有些人踏上了那段旅程 在相反的方向。

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The founders of this study?would never in their wildest dreams?have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later,?telling you that the study still continues.?Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff?calls up our men and asks them if we can send them?yet one more set of questions about their lives.

這項研究的創(chuàng)始人做夢也想不到我會成為 75年后的今天，站在這里，告訴你們： 研究仍在繼續(xù)。?每兩年，我們的 敬業(yè)的研究人員召集我們的人 并問他們我們是否可以再向他們發(fā)送一組問題 關(guān)于他們的生活。

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Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,?"Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting."?The Harvard men never ask that question.

許多波士頓市中心的男人問我們，“你為什么一直想研究我？ 我的生活就是沒那么有趣。?哈佛人從不問這個問題。

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To get the clearest picture of these lives,?we don't just send them questionnaires.?We interview them in their living rooms.?We get their medical records from their doctors.?We draw their blood, we scan their brains,?we talk to their children.?We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.?And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives?if they would join us as members of the study,?many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."

獲得最清晰的圖片 對于這些生命，我們不只是向他們發(fā)送問卷。?我們在他們的客廳里采訪他們。?我們得到他們的醫(yī)療記錄 來自他們的醫(yī)生。?我們抽取他們的血液，掃描他們的大腦，與他們的孩子交談。?我們錄下他們與妻子的談話 關(guān)于他們最深切的擔憂。?大約十年前， 我們最后問妻子們是否愿意加入我們 作為研究的成員，許多女性說， “你知道，是時候了?！?/span>

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So what have we learned??What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages?of information that we've generated?on these lives??Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.?The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:?Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

那么我們學到了什么呢？?將有哪些教訓 從我們生成的關(guān)于這些生活的數(shù)萬頁信息中？?好吧，教訓不是關(guān)于財富 或名聲或越來越努力地工作。?我們得到的最清晰的信息 從這個75年的研究是這樣的：良好的關(guān)系留住我們 更快樂、更健康。時期。

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We've learned three big lessons about relationships.?The first is that social connections are really good for us,?and that loneliness kills.?It turns out that people who are more socially connected?to family, to friends, to community,?are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer?than people who are less well connected.?And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.?People who are more isolated than they want to be from others?find that they are less happy,?their health declines earlier in midlife,?their brain functioning declines sooner?and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.?And the sad fact is that at any given time,?more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.

我們吸取了三大教訓 關(guān)于關(guān)系。?首先是社會關(guān)系 對我們真的很好，孤獨會殺人。?原來人們 誰與家人、朋友、社區(qū)有更多的社會聯(lián)系，更快樂，他們的身體更健康， 他們比那些聯(lián)系不太好的人活得更長。?還有寂寞的體驗 原來是有毒的。?更孤立的人 比他們想從別人那里得到的發(fā)現(xiàn)他們不那么快樂，他們的健康在中年早期下降，他們的大腦功能下降得更快，他們的壽命更短 比不寂寞的人。?而可悲的事實 是在任何給定時間，超過五分之一的美國人 會報告他們很孤獨。

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And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd?and you can be lonely in a marriage,?so the second big lesson that we learned?is that it's not just the number of friends you have,?and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship,?but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.?It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.?High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection,?turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced.?And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.

我們知道您 在人群中可能會很孤獨，在婚姻中也會很孤獨，所以我們學到的第二個重要教訓是，這不僅僅是 你擁有的朋友數(shù)量，而不是是否 你處于一段忠誠的關(guān)系中，但這是質(zhì)量 你們的親密關(guān)系很重要。?原來，生活在中間 沖突對我們的健康真的很有害。?例如，高沖突婚姻， 沒有太多的感情，結(jié)果對我們的健康非常不利， 也許比離婚更糟糕。?生活在善良之中， 溫暖的關(guān)系是保護性的。

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Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,?we wanted to look back at them at midlife?and to see if we could predict?who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian?and who wasn't.?And when we gathered together everything we knew about them?at age 50,?it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels?that predicted how they were going to grow old.?It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.?The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50?were the healthiest at age 80.?And good, close relationships seem to buffer us?from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.?Our most happily partnered men and women?reported, in their 80s,?that on the days when they had more physical pain,?their mood stayed just as happy.?But the people who were in unhappy relationships,?on the days when they reported more physical pain,?it was magnified by more emotional pain.

有一次我們跟著我們的人 一直到80多歲，我們想回顧他們的中年，看看我們是否可以預(yù)測誰會成長。 變成一個快樂、健康的八旬老人，而誰不是。?當我們聚在一起時 我們在50歲時對他們的了解，不是他們的中年 預(yù)測他們?nèi)绾蔚哪懝檀妓?要變老了。?這是他們有多滿意 在他們的關(guān)系中。?最滿意的人 在他們50歲的關(guān)系中，80歲的關(guān)系是最健康的。?以及良好、密切的關(guān)系 似乎緩沖了我們的一些吊索和箭頭 變老。?我們最幸福的伴侶男女在80多歲時報告說，在?當他們有更多的身體疼痛時，他們的情緒仍然一樣快樂。?但是那些曾經(jīng) 在不愉快的關(guān)系中，在他們的日子里 報告了更多的身體疼痛，它被更多的情感痛苦放大了。

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And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health?is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies,?they protect our brains.?It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship?to another person in your 80s is protective,?that the people who are in relationships?where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,?those people's memories stay sharper longer.?And the people in relationships?where they feel they really can't count on the other one,?those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.?And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time.?Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other?day in and day out,?but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other?when the going got tough,?those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.

我們學到的第三個重要教訓 關(guān)于人際關(guān)系和我們的健康是良好的關(guān)系 不僅要保護我們的身體，還要保護我們的大腦。?事實證明，存在 與?80 多歲的另一個人保持安全依戀關(guān)系 是保護性的，那些處于關(guān)系中的人，他們真的覺得自己可以計數(shù) 在對方需要的時候，那些人的記憶 保持更清晰的時間。?而那些在人際關(guān)系中，他們覺得自己真的 不能指望另一個，那些是經(jīng)歷過的人 早期記憶力下降。?還有那些良好的關(guān)系， 它們不必一直很順暢。?我們的一些八十多歲的夫婦 可以日復(fù)一日地互相爭吵，但只要他們覺得自己?當事情變得艱難時，真的可以指望對方，這些爭論并沒有造成損失 在他們的記憶中。

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So this message,?that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being,?this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.?Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore??Well, we're human.?What we'd really like is a quick fix,?something we can get?that'll make our lives good and keep them that way.?Relationships are messy and they're complicated?and the hard work of tending to family and friends,?it's not sexy or glamorous.?It's also lifelong. It never ends.?The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement?were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.?Just like the millennials in that recent survey,?many of our men when they were starting out as young adults?really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement?were what they needed to go after to have a good life.?But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown?that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships,?with family, with friends, with community.

所以這個信息，那個好的，親密的關(guān)系 有益于我們的健康和福祉，這是像山丘一樣古老的智慧。?為什么這很難得到 這么容易被忽視？?好吧，我們是人。?我們真正想要的是一個快速的解決方案，我們可以得到的東西，讓我們的生活變得美好。 并保持這種狀態(tài)。?人際關(guān)系混亂 它們很復(fù)雜，需要照顧的艱苦工作 對于家人和朋友來說，它并不性感或迷人。?這也是終生的。它永遠不會結(jié)束。?我們75年研究中的人 退休后最幸福的人是積極工作的人 用新的玩伴替換同事。?就像千禧一代一樣 在最近的調(diào)查中，我們的許多男人當他們 從年輕人開始，真的相信名利 高成就是他們需要追求的 過上好日子。?但一遍又一遍，在這75年里， 我們的研究表明，表現(xiàn)最好的人是 那些傾向于人際關(guān)系、與家人、與朋友、與社區(qū)的人。

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So what about you??Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60.?What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

那你呢？?假設(shè)你25歲， 或者你40歲，或者你60歲。?什么可能傾斜 關(guān)系甚至看起來像？

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Well, the possibilities are practically endless.?It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time?or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,?long walks or date nights,?or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years,?because those all-too-common family feuds?take a terrible toll?on the people who hold the grudges.

好吧，可能性 幾乎是無窮無盡的。?它可能很簡單 用人的時間代替屏幕時間或使陳舊的關(guān)系活躍起來 通過一起做一些新的事情，長途散步或約會之夜，或與該家庭成員聯(lián)系 你已經(jīng)很多年沒有和誰說話了，因為那些太常見的家庭恩怨對懷恨在心的人造成了可怕的傷害。

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I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain.?More than a century ago,?he was looking back on his life,?and he wrote this:?"There isn't time, so brief is life,?for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account.?There is only time for loving,?and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

我想以報價結(jié)束 來自馬克吐溫。?一個多世紀前，他回顧自己的一生，他寫道：“沒有時間，生命如此短暫，爭吵，道歉， 心痛，召喚問責。?只有愛的時間，只有一瞬間， 可以這么說，就是為了這個。

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The good life is built with good relationships.

美好生活是建立起來的 關(guān)系良好。

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Thank you.

謝謝。

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