FROM THE DIARY OF A VIOLENT-TEMPERED MAN 老虎發(fā)威

原作契訶夫 Translated by Constance Garnett 1887

I AM a serious person and my mind is of a philosophic bent. My vocation is the study of finance. I am a student of financial law and I have chosen as the subject of my dissertation — the Past and Future of the Dog Licence. I need hardly point out that young ladies, songs, moonlight, and all that sort of silliness are entirely out of my line.

我是個嚴肅的人，愛好是做學問。研究經(jīng)濟乃我的使命。我是學經(jīng)濟法的，畢業(yè)論文我已經(jīng)選好了題目——論養(yǎng)犬證之沿革。我沒工夫也沒心思琢磨那些搞對象、唱情歌、花前月下之類的傻事。

Morning. Ten o’clock. My maman pours me out a cup of coffee. I drink it and go out on the little balcony to set to work on my dissertation. I take a clean sheet of paper, dip the pen into the ink, and write out the title: “The Past and Future of the Dog Licence.”

早上十點鐘，我媽給我倒了杯咖啡。我喝完來到小陽臺上準備寫論文。我鋪上一頁新紙，蘸了蘸墨，寫下了題目：論養(yǎng)犬證之沿革。

After thinking a little I write: “Historical Survey. We may deduce from some allusions in Herodotus and Xenophon that the origin of the tax on dogs goes back to . . . .”

思考片刻，我提筆道：“一，歷史演變。翻閱古學者申屠氏和赫連氏的論著，不難在其中發(fā)現(xiàn)養(yǎng)犬稅的起源可追溯至……”

But at that point I hear footsteps that strike me as highly suspicious. I look down from the balcony and see below a young lady with a long face and a long waist. Her name, I believe, is Nadenka or Varenka, it really does not matter which. She is looking for something, pretends not to have noticed me, and is humming to herself:

就在這工夫，我聽見一陣可疑的腳步聲。往下一望，我瞅見一個長臉低腰的姑娘。她叫什么我記不住了，反正不是雅寧就是婭寧。她一邊找東西，一邊裝作沒看見我的樣子，嘴里還哼著小曲：

“Dost thou remember that song full of tenderness?”

“郎可把那恩愛忘喲？”

I read through what I have written and want to continue, but the young lady pretends to have just caught sight of me, and says in a mournful voice:

我把寫的東西重讀了一遍，正想動筆，就看那女的裝出才看見我的樣子，傷心地說道：

“Good morning, Nikolay Andreitch. Only fancy what a misfortune I have had! I went for a walk yesterday and lost the little ball off my bracelet!”

“早啊，阿肅。你知道我為什么這么難過嗎？一提起來我就難受！我手鐲上有個小球找不著了！”

I read through once more the opening of my dissertation, I trim up the tail of the letter “g” and mean to go on, but the young lady persists.

我又把開頭讀了一遍，修了修“追”字的走之旁，剛要往下寫，那女的又嚷嚷上了。

“Nikolay Andreitch,” she says, “won’t you see me home? The Karelins have such a huge dog that I simply daren’t pass it alone.”

“阿肅，”她繼續(xù)道，“你能送我回家嗎？唐家養(yǎng)了條大狗，我自己從那兒走我害怕?！?/p>

There is no getting out of it. I lay down my pen and go down to her. Nadenka (or Varenka) takes my arm and we set off in the direction of her villa.

今兒算是遇見她了。我放下筆下了樓。雅寧（或者婭寧）牽著我胳膊一塊往她家走。

When the duty of walking arm-in-arm with a lady falls to my lot, for some reason or other I always feel like a peg with a heavy cloak hanging on it. Nadenka (or Varenka), between ourselves, of an ardent temperament (her grandfather was an Armenian), has a peculiar art of throwing her whole weight on one’s arm and clinging to one’s side like a leech. And so we walk along.

被她挽著，我感覺自己胳膊就好像晾衣繩上掛了床大棉被似的。雅寧（或者婭寧）有種特別的習慣（估計是祖?zhèn)鞯拿。?，喜歡把整個身子全壓在別人的胳膊上，像條大水蛭似的拽都拽不動。我也只能這么將就著。

As we pass the Karelins’, I see a huge dog, who reminds me of the dog licence. I think with despair of the work I have begun and sigh.

走到唐家門口我還真看見條大狗，觸景生情，不由得想起了我的論文。我暗嘆道，快放我回去，我想寫東西啊。

“What are you sighing for?” asks Nadenka (or Varenka), and heaves a sigh herself.

“嘆氣干什么？”雅寧（還是婭寧來著）問道，也跟著嘆了聲氣。

Here I must digress for a moment to explain that Nadenka or Varenka (now I come to think of it, I believe I have heard her called Mashenka) imagines, I can’t guess why, that I am in love with her, and therefore thinks it her duty as a humane person always to look at me with compassion and to soothe my wound with words.

在這兒必須多一句嘴，也不知道我怎么得罪她的，這位什么寧（不對，好像是什么婷）竟然以為我看上她了，一下子把照顧我的感受當成了她自己的本分。

“Listen,” said she, stopping. “I know why you are sighing. You are in love, yes; but I beg you for the sake of our friendship to believe that the girl you love has the deepest respect for you. She cannot return your love; but is it her fault that her heart has long been another’s?”

“你來?！彼蛔吡?，說道，“我知道你為什么嘆氣。阿肅，我知道，你對我有意思，你是個好人，但是…但是我心里已經(jīng)有人了，你還想要我怎么樣??？”

Mashenka’s nose begins to swell and turn red, her eyes fill with tears: she evidently expects some answer from me, but, fortunately, at this moment we arrive. Mashenka’s mamma, a good-natured woman but full of conventional ideas, is sitting on the terrace: glancing at her daughter’s agitated face, she looks intently at me and sighs, as though saying to herself: “Ah, these young people! they don’t even know how to keep their secrets to themselves!”

雅婷開始抽搭起來，鼻子紅了，眼里也噙滿了淚?？此菢討撌窃诘任业拇饛?，所幸這時候到家了。雅婷她媽坐在門口，這老太太心腸不錯，就是太封建。她看了看雅婷的哭臉，又細細瞧了瞧我，然后嘆了口氣，好像在感慨：“年輕人哪！什么事都往外說！”

On the terrace with her are several young ladies of various colours and a retired officer who is staying in the villa next to ours. He was wounded during the last war in the left temple and the right hip. This unfortunate man is, like myself, proposing to devote the summer to literary work. He is writing the “Memoirs of a Military Man.” Like me, he begins his honourable labours every morning, but before he has written more than “I was born in . . .” some Varenka or Mashenka is sure to appear under his balcony, and the wounded hero is borne off under guard.

門口坐著一大群姑娘，還有我們家隔壁一個退休的大爺。大爺打仗的時候把大胯傷著了，左太陽穴也留了印。跟我一樣，大爺也打算趁夏天寫點什么。他計劃寫一部《老兵回憶錄》。我倆的遭遇差不多，他每天起早動筆，可還沒來得及寫下“我出生在…”，某位什么寧或者什么婷就會出現(xiàn)在陽臺底下，招呼這位老英雄給她保鏢。

All the party sitting on the terrace are engaged in preparing some miserable fruit for jam. I make my bows and am about to beat a retreat, but the young ladies of various colours seize my hat with a squeal and insist on my staying. I sit down. They give me a plate of fruit and a hairpin. I begin taking the seeds out.

門口擺著一大堆爛果子，原來這是要做果醬。我鞠了幾躬，轉(zhuǎn)身要走，結(jié)果幾個姑娘不讓了，連喊帶叫帶抓帽子硬要把我留下。我心想認了吧，也跟著坐下了。他們分給我一盤水果外加一根針，叫我把籽挑出去。

The young ladies of various colours talk about men: they say that So-and-So is nice-looking, that So-and-So is handsome but not nice, that somebody else is nice but ugly, and that a fourth would not have been bad-looking if his nose were not like a thimble, and so on.

這幫姑娘聊起了男人：有的說誰誰誰長得好看，有的說誰誰誰長得好看但脾氣不好，有的說誰誰誰人好但是長得太丑，有的說誰誰誰模樣挺好，就是長了個豬鼻子，總之是七嘴八舌各種八卦。

“And you, Monsieur Nicolas,” says Varenka’s mamma, turning to me, “are not handsome, but you are attractive. . . . There is something about your face. . . . In men, though, it’s not beauty but intelligence that matters,” she adds, sighing.

“小肅啊，”婭寧媽說道，“你雖然談不上好看，但是你長得好…你看你面相就不錯……不過看男人不能看長相，關(guān)鍵還得看腦子?！彼袊@道。

The young ladies sigh, too, and drop their eyes . . . they agree that the great thing in men is not beauty but intelligence. I steal a glance sideways at a looking-glass to ascertain whether I really am attractive. I see a shaggy head, a bushy beard, moustaches, eyebrows, hair on my cheeks, hair up to my eyes, a perfect thicket with a solid nose sticking up out of it like a watch-tower. Attractive! h’m!

一幫姑娘也跟著嘆氣，還紛紛掉了幾滴淚……幾位一致同意男人重要的不是長相而是頭腦。我偷偷瞥了眼鏡子，倒想看看我長得有多好。誰成想沒看出別的，光看見一嘴毛、一臉毛、一腦袋毛，除了毛還是毛，光剩個四方鼻子和燈塔似的杵在臉上。這還叫長得好！這叫寒磣哪！

“But it’s by the qualities of your soul, after all, that you will make your way, Nicolas,” sighs Nadenka’s mamma, as though affirming some secret and original idea of her own.

“其實到最后還得看人的心眼怎么樣啊，小肅。”雅寧媽感慨道，仿佛全天下就她知道一樣。

And Nadenka is sympathetically distressed on my account, but the conviction that a man passionately in love with her is sitting opposite is obviously a source of the greatest enjoyment to her.

雅寧心疼我心疼得了不得了，不過一想到對面的我被她迷得七葷八素，她倒也挺高興的。

When they have done with men, the young ladies begin talking about love. After a long conversation about love, one of the young ladies gets up and goes away. Those that remain begin to pick her to pieces. Everyone agrees that she is stupid, unbearable, ugly, and that one of her shoulder-blades sticks out in a shocking way.

聊夠了男人，她們又扯起了戀愛。叨叨了好一會兒，有個姑娘站起來走了。剩下的人說起了她的閑話。幾位的口風又達成了一致，異口同聲說她腦子笨，脾氣壞，長得丑，有塊肩胛骨往外突突得都快掉出來了。

But at last, thank goodness! I see our maid. My maman has sent her to call me in to dinner. Now I can make my escape from this uncongenial company and go back to my work. I get up and make my bows.

好在天無絕人之路，我們家的用人來了！我媽叫她喊我回家吃飯。我總算能躲開這幫家伙，回去寫我的論文去了。我站起身，鞠了幾躬。

Varenka’s maman, Varenka herself, and the variegated young ladies surround me, and declare that I cannot possibly go, because I promised yesterday to dine with them and go to the woods to look for mushrooms. I bow and sit down again. My soul is boiling with rage, and I feel that in another moment I may not be able to answer for myself, that there may be an explosion, but gentlemanly feeling and the fear of committing a breach of good manners compels me to obey the ladies. And I obey them.

誰知道婭寧她媽，婭寧自己，外加其他幾個姑娘團團把我圍住，硬是不讓我走，說我昨天答應好在這兒吃飯，還得去樹林子里采蘑菇。我行了個禮又坐下了。我感覺全身上下、連天靈蓋都在冒火，再這樣下去我可要翻臉了，老虎不發(fā)威真當我好欺負是不是？但是在女流之輩面前畢竟不好發(fā)作，于是礙著面子我又忍了下去，任憑她們胡來。

We sit down to dinner. The wounded officer, whose wound in the temple has affected the muscles of the left cheek, eats as though he had a bit in his mouth. I roll up little balls of bread, think about the dog licence, and, knowing the ungovernable violence of my temper, try to avoid speaking. Nadenka looks at me sympathetically.

我留下來吃了飯。那位負傷的大爺左臉受了影響，吃起飯來嘴里的東西總咽不干凈。我撕著饅頭皮，想著養(yǎng)犬證，自知道性中烈火容易傷人，只好管住嘴一句話不說。雅寧同情地看著我。

Soup, tongue and peas, roast fowl, and comp?te. I have no appetite, but eat from politeness.

喝湯吃肉，果醬豌豆。我一點胃口沒有，不過應付著吃點。

After dinner, while I am standing alone on the terrace, smoking, Nadenka’s mamma comes up to me, presses my hand, and says breathlessly:

吃完飯我走到門口抽煙，雅寧媽走到我身邊，捏了我一把，和蚊子似的說道：

“Don’t despair, Nicolas! She has such a heart, . . . such a heart! . . .”

“小肅，別灰心！她是個好孩子…打著燈籠都難找哪!”

We go towards the wood to gather mushrooms. Varenka hangs on my arm and clings to my side. My sufferings are indescribable, but I bear them in patience.

我們?nèi)サ搅肿永锊赡⒐健I寧又捆在我胳膊上。我難受得沒處訴苦，只能往肚子里咽。

We enter the wood.

我們進了林子。

“Listen, Monsieur Nicolas,” says Nadenka, sighing. “Why are you so melancholy? And why are you so silent?”

“阿肅，阿肅，”雅寧哀嘆道，“你為什么不高興？你怎么連句話也不說？”

Extraordinary girl she is, really! What can I talk to her about? What have we in common?

絕了，像她這樣的還真不好找！我跟她有什么好聊的？我們是一路人嗎？

“Oh, do say something!” she begs me.

“你說句話呀！”她乞求道。

I begin trying to think of something popular, something within the range of her understanding. After a moment’s thought I say:

我絞盡腦汁，想找出一句她聽得懂的話。不一會兒我說道：

“The cutting down of forests has been greatly detrimental to the prosperity of Russia. . . .”

“森林的砍伐對我國的富強來說是極大的損害……”

“Nicolas,” sighs Nadenka, and her nose begins to turn red, “Nicolas, I see you are trying to avoid being open with me. . . . You seem to wish to punish me by your silence. Your feeling is not returned, and you wish to suffer in silence, in solitude . . . it is too awful, Nicolas!” she cries impulsively seizing my hand, and I see her nose beginning to swell. “What would you say if the girl you love were to offer you her eternal friendship?”

“阿肅?！毖艑幍谋亲佑旨t了，“阿肅，你就是成心不想好好說話……你就是想讓我難受。就因為我沒有接受你，所以你才不說話，把什么都憋在心里……別這樣，阿肅！”她攥住我的手高喊道，鼻孔清晰可見又開始放大了，“我們做一輩子朋友不好嗎？”

I mutter something incoherent, for I really can’t think what to say to her.

我隨便應了句什么，我對她實在沒話說了。

In the first place, I’m not in love with any girl at all; in the second, what could I possibly want her eternal friendship for? and, thirdly, I have a violent temper.

第一，我沒有戀愛。第二，我跟她交哪門子朋友？第三，我是個暴脾氣。

Mashenka (or Varenka) hides her face in her hands and murmurs, as though to herself:

雅婷（要么是婭寧）拿手捂住臉，小聲咕噥道：

“He will not speak; . . . it is clear that he will have me make the sacrifice! I cannot love him, if my heart is still another’s . . . but . . . I will think of it. . . . Very good, I will think of it . . . I will prove the strength of my soul, and perhaps, at the cost of my own happiness, I will save this man from suffering!” . . .

“還是不說話…他這是要讓我做個了斷??！我已經(jīng)有喜歡的人了，怎么能再喜歡他…可是…好吧，好吧，我得堅強，哪怕搭上我自己的幸福，我也要幫他從痛苦中解脫！”

I can make nothing out of all this. It seems some special sort of puzzle.

我一句都沒聽懂。她的話我聽著像天書。

We go farther into the wood and begin picking mushrooms. We are perfectly silent the whole time. Nadenka’s face shows signs of inward struggle. I hear the bark of dogs; it reminds me of my dissertation, and I sigh heavily. Between the trees I catch sight of the wounded officer limping painfully along. The poor fellow’s right leg is lame from his wound, and on his left arm he has one of the variegated young ladies. His face expresses resignation to destiny.?

我們走入深林，采起了蘑菇，一句話都沒說。雅寧滿臉的思想斗爭。我聽見幾聲狗叫，又想起我那篇論文，傷感地嘆了聲氣。我瞅見那位大爺也在林子里一瘸一拐地走著，他打仗把右腿打瘸了，這會兒左胳膊上還搭著剛才的一個姑娘。大爺臉上寫著四個字，“聽天由命”。

We go back to the house to drink tea, after which we play croquet and listen to one of the variegated young ladies singing a song: “No, no, thou lovest not, no, no.” At the word “no” she twists her mouth till it almost touches one ear.

我們回屋喝茶，喝完茶打門球，打完球聽一個姑娘吊嗓子：“親愛的人兒，你，不，要，走?！背白摺钡臅r候她上嘴唇都快貼到鼻子眼了。

“Charmant!” wail the other young ladies, “Charmant!”

“好！”別的姑娘叫好道，“好！”

The evening comes on. A detestable moon creeps up behind the bushes. There is perfect stillness in the air, and an unpleasant smell of freshly cut hay. I take up my hat and try to get away.

說話就晚上了。草叢上升起一輪煩人的月亮。外面一點風都沒有，四處彌漫著濃烈的干草味。我拿起帽子，準備開溜。

“I have something I must say to you!” Mashenka whispers to me significantly, “don’t go away!”

“別走！我有話和你說！”雅婷和我說了句悄悄話，聾子都聽得見，“別走！”

I have a foreboding of evil, but politeness obliges me to remain. Mashenka takes my arm and leads me away to a garden walk. By this time her whole figure expresses conflict. She is pale and gasping for breath, and she seems absolutely set on pulling my right arm out of the socket. What can be the matter with her?

我感覺事情不妙，但出于禮貌還是乖乖等著。雅婷摟住我的胳膊，領(lǐng)我到花園轉(zhuǎn)了一圈。很顯然她思想斗爭得更焦灼了。她臉都白了，氣也喘不勻了，還跟我右胳膊較上了勁，仿佛不把它拽斷就不算完似的。這都哪兒來的毛病？

“Listen!” she mutters. “No, I cannot! No! . . .” She tries to say something, but hesitates. Now I see from her face that she has come to some decision. With gleaming eyes and swollen nose she snatches my hand, and says hurriedly, “Nicolas, I am yours! Love you I cannot, but I promise to be true to you!”

“阿肅！”她悄聲道，“我！我……”她欲言又止。能看出來她真的做了什么決定。只見她眼里發(fā)光，鼻子發(fā)脹，一把拉住我的手，匆匆說道：“阿肅，我是你的人了！雖然咱們走不到一起，但我發(fā)誓等你一輩子！”

Then she squeezes herself to my breast, and at once springs away.

說罷她往我胸口一撞，立馬又蹦到三尺開外。

“Someone is coming,” she whispers. “Farewell! . . . To-morrow at eleven o’clock I will be in the arbour. . . . Farewell!”

“有人來了?！彼驼Z道，“我走了！明天十一點亭子里見…我走了！”

And she vanishes. Completely at a loss for an explanation of her conduct and suffering from a painful palpitation of the heart, I make my way home. There the “Past and Future of the Dog Licence” is awaiting me, but I am quite unable to work. I am furious. . . . I may say, my anger is terrible. Damn it all! I allow no one to treat me like a boy, I am a man of violent temper, and it is not safe to trifle with me!

她就這么沒影了。我揉著胸口一頭霧水地回了家。那篇“論養(yǎng)犬證之沿革”還在等我，但我真沒心思接著寫了。我氣壞了…不，我都快氣死了。我咽不下這口氣！拿我當小孩子耍有意思嗎？老虎不發(fā)威真當我病貓?。?/p>

When the maid comes in to call me to supper, I shout to her: “Go out of the room!” Such hastiness augurs nothing good.

用人來我屋喊我吃飯，我沖她大吼道：“滾！”生這么大的氣準沒好事。