搬運自：網(wǎng)易云音樂專欄【Music Online Zine Courier】（在原文基礎上添加了英語原文與排版調整）

翻譯：豆目豆科

On “Geyser,” the opening track of her brilliant 2018 album Be the Cowboy, Mitski cast music in the role of a temperamental lover. The need for self-expression, she suggested, could be an endless, destructive tango with frustration and epiphany. So, in summer 2019, when Mitski announced she would take an indefinite break from performing, her reasoning followed. “I sense that if I don’t step away soon, my self-worth/identity will start depending too much on staying in the game, in the constant churn,” she wrote on Twitter. “I don’t want to make art like that, especially when you’re offering your valuable time and hearts and money to it.”

在她2018年輝煌的專輯《Be the Cowboy》的開篇之作“Geyser”中，Mitski將音樂演繹作她一個脾氣暴躁的情人。在她看來，對自我表達的需求，可能是一場在挫折與頓悟間無休止輾轉的自毀性探戈。因此，在2019年夏天，當Mitski宣布她將無限期地停止演出時，她的理由也隨之而來：“我感覺到，倘若我不盡快脫身，我的自我價值/身份認同將開始過多地依賴于這場音樂鬧劇，持續(xù)地動蕩變幻，”她在Twitter上寫道。“我不想創(chuàng)作這樣的藝術，尤其當你因它消磨掉你寶貴的時間、心力和金錢的時候?！?/p>

Now, Mitski re-emerges with a song that further contemplates this unpleasant conflict, one surely colored by her own experiences with success. On “Working for the Knife,” her desire to create something pure is overshadowed by the realities of modern life. Atop an eerie, austere synthesizer embellished by twinkling piano notes and a tight little guitar riff, she seemingly acknowledges her time away from the spotlight: “I always knew the world moves on/I just didn’t know it would go without me.” Throughout the song, Mitski contemplates the knife—a metaphor for the systems that ensnare us, the expectations of others, our own standards—as if it were a cold object resting in her hands. Though her knife is capable of cruelty, it can carve out a reason to keep living in moments of deep despair. That doesn’t make its twisting hurt any less, however. “I always thought the choice was mine/And I was right, but I just chose wrong,” she sings before reaching a gut-wrenching realization: “I start the day lying and end with the truth/That I’m dying for the knife.”

現(xiàn)在，Mitski帶著一首進一步思索這種令人不快的沖突的歌曲再次出現(xiàn)，這必定是她已尋得成功的經(jīng)驗。在“Working for the Knife”中，她想創(chuàng)造一些純粹的東西的愿望被現(xiàn)實生活的殘酷所掩蓋。在一個陰森、簡樸的合成器底色上，有著閃爍的鋼琴音符和緊湊的吉他riff的點綴，她似乎在講述著她遠離聚光燈時的體驗：“I always knew the world moves on/I just didn’t know it would go without me.”在整首歌中，Mitski思考著這把刀——隱喻著困住我們的所謂“系統(tǒng)"、他人的期望、我們給自己框下的標準——仿佛它已然是攥在她手中的一個冰冷兇器。盡管她的刀子并不會“手下留情”，但它也能在深不見底的絕望中硬生生鑿出一個繼續(xù)生活的理由。然而，這也并沒有使它造成的傷害減輕?！癐 always thought the choice was mine/And I was right, but I just chose wrong,”她唱道，隨即便痛苦地意識到：“I start the day lying and end with the truth/That I’m dying for the knife.”