中英文稿

每個走進我們治療診所的人?都需要在接受治療之前 回答一大堆問題。?在我多年的治療師工作過程中，?我都會在和新客戶會面之前 仔細考慮一個問題。?問題是這樣的：?你人生的目標是什么？?它的定義為激勵你前行的 核心人生目標，即你想做成的事。

老實說，這是個很難的問題。?就說出那么一個人生目標 是很難的。?分量也很重。?很多人孜孜不倦地尋覓、 建立起自己的目標，?而有些人永遠不會找到目標。?但是我們會收到一些常見的答案：?做更有參與感的父母，?為我的社區(qū)帶來重大改變，?擁有令我自豪的事業(yè)，?也有簡單的答案——活得久一點。

但有一位年輕的女性客戶 給出了這樣的答案。?在與她會面之前，按照慣例，?我翻閱了她對目標的描述。?她是這樣寫的：?“不要被他人關注?！?這位年輕的女士，一位聰慧、開朗、 富有同情心的高中生，?把她的人生目標定為了?讓別人都不知道她的存在。?這就是社交焦慮的力量。

社交焦慮的核心在于害怕被拒絕。?我們感到社交焦慮的時候，?會過分關注我們在別人眼里的樣子。?我們環(huán)視周圍， 試圖尋找威脅和不滿的跡象，?尋找我們不小心翻車， 受到別人拒絕的跡象。?然后我們會在支持、?微笑、點頭、大笑等 行為中尋求安慰。?雖然社交焦慮讓人精疲力竭，?但是它不是無緣無故出現(xiàn)的。?社交焦慮想保護我們 免受遭到拒絕的傷害，?它通過讓我們適應社交集體的 細枝末節(jié)、規(guī)范標準、氣氛動向，?校準我們自己的行為，融入環(huán)境，?從而避免遭到拒絕。?這是好事， 因為人類是社會性動物。?我們生活在集體中，?無論喜好，我們都得依賴他人，?但是更直白的原因就是 被拒絕很痛苦。?想一想你自己被拒絕的經(jīng)歷，?有多令人腳趾抓地， 我們都有過這樣的經(jīng)歷。?也許是第一次約會后 人家跑路了。?我也有過。?也許是你沒拿到夢寐以求的工作。?也許是被一群朋友踢出群聊。?被拒絕讓人不開心。?社交焦慮在保護我們 不會再被拒絕。

但是如果社交焦慮開始影響 你理想中的生活方式了，?那它就有問題了。?這種現(xiàn)象出現(xiàn)的前提是 你對遭到拒絕的恐懼?與你對自己的看法交織在了一起。?如果你相信你會被人拒絕，?理由是你覺得你自身有一些缺點、?不足或者性格缺陷。?第一次約會以后人家跑了，?但是你覺得是因為你不可愛， 或者不夠有吸引力。?你沒有拿到夢寐以求的工作，?但是你覺得是因為你不夠聰明， 或者不夠有競爭力。?你被一群朋友踢出群聊，?但是你覺得是因為你沒意思， 或者不夠搞笑。?我們對被拒絕的恐懼其實是 對“達不到”的恐懼。?達不到我們理想中的自己，?達不到我們理應成為的自己，?或者達不到社會 想讓我們成為的樣子。

發(fā)展了一段時間，?這種思維會惡化成 社交焦慮失協(xié)癥。?有社交焦慮癥的人 會對別人端詳他們、?嚴厲批評他們、 最終拒絕他們過分擔心。?擔心到他們的生活會繞著 避免被拒絕的這一想法轉(zhuǎn)。?因為如果你可以 避免受到他人的注意，?那么，那些人就更不容易 找到拒絕你的點。

社交焦慮癥?已經(jīng)成為了 全球最常見的心理疾病之一。?單看美國，?超過 12% 的美國人 在人生的某個階段中?都出現(xiàn)過可診斷級別的 社交焦慮癥。?這大概有 4000 萬人。?全球來看， 數(shù)值會小一些，為 4%，?這個數(shù)字本身很有意思。?但是基于現(xiàn)有人口估計，?世界人口的 4%， 大約為 3 億人，?都可能在人生的某個節(jié)點 患上社交焦慮癥。?雖然這種疾病非常普遍， 但是也普遍地遭到誤解，?普遍地遭到誤診，?還總是會被完全漏診。?這是因為我們的文化中 有許多關于社交焦慮的謠傳。

第一個流言為患有社交焦慮的人 一個人待著會更開心。?這種刻板印象將社交焦慮患者 默認為喜歡獨處的人，?寧可躲在自己的臥室里?也不愿出去與社會互動。?這完全是不正確的。?我的實驗室做過這樣的研究，?表明患有社交焦慮的人?需要堅實的、健康的、 親密的關系，?與沒有心理疾病的人相當。?他們確實會社交，?他們不是外星機器人。?而且當他們社交的時候，?他們也會樂在其中。?實際上，我們問社交焦慮患者?有多快樂，?他們表示和別人待在一起?會比自己一個人待著更快樂。?這是因為不是所有社交活動 都是讓人緊張的。?也許有人和朋友在一起 會感到社交焦慮，?但是和愛人在一起就不會。?又或許他們在陌生人 和認識的人面前會感到焦慮，?但是在鄰居或同事面前就不會。?因此，就算有些互動讓人焦慮，?患有社交焦慮的人也不是 全無對人際交往的基本需求的。?他們只是很難在某些場合 和某些人進行人際交往。

好，也許患有社交焦慮的人 確實會進行社交，?他們社交的時候也享受其中。?但是，是和一小群關系密切的人。?而且說實在的， 社交焦慮就是在避免受到關注。

以下是第二個流言。?社交焦慮未必代表著害怕公開表現(xiàn)。?雖然有些人確實如此，?但是也有一些社交焦慮患者 發(fā)現(xiàn)在別人面前表現(xiàn)?比起小規(guī)模的、更親近的對話， 比如一對一談話，?更不容易引起焦慮。?很多社交焦慮癥患者在?涉及社會評估和社會表現(xiàn)的 崗位上如魚得水。?做模特、演戲、體育。

2021 年 5 月，?大坂直美 （Naomi Osaka）?拒絕出席法網(wǎng)公開賽的 新聞發(fā)布會。?她勇敢地直接表示?發(fā)布會會加重她的社交焦慮。?沒過多久，她就遭到了 公眾的強烈抵制和仔細審視。?她繼續(xù)完成了第一場比賽，?當然，她贏了，?但是隨后她退出了法網(wǎng)公開賽。?人們都很疑惑?一個人怎么可以 同時有社交焦慮癥，?又是世界第一網(wǎng)球選手，?為耐克站臺時尚活動， 真是個不錯的選擇，?并穿著泳裝登上 《體育畫報》的封面。?在談論她的社交焦慮癥的前一年， 她曾接受采訪，?解釋道：?“站在球場上 完全是不一樣的感覺。?我喜歡在亞瑟·阿什 （Arthur Ashe）球場打球，?因為是最大的球場，?你可以感受到人潮涌動的轟鳴。?你會覺得自己是個角斗士， 因為賽場太大了，?還有這么多人在觀賞你的比賽。?但是在球場之外，?如果我被扔到一個?得在 100 人面前演講的場合，?我會緊張得發(fā)抖?！?/p>

社交焦慮癥患者并沒有 一種統(tǒng)一的表現(xiàn)。?就像抑郁癥患者可能會在?不同時間由于不同原因 出現(xiàn)不同種類的癥狀，?社交焦慮癥也是因人而異的。

最后一個， 也可能是問題最大的流言。?有人認為社交焦慮癥 轉(zhuǎn)瞬即逝，而且不會造成傷害。?社交焦慮不會隨著時間消失。?它不會在你初中或高中畢業(yè)的時候?就這么神奇地消失了。?如果不加干預，很多人會 長年累月受到社交焦慮的侵擾。?社交焦慮會影響一個人 生活的方方面面。?會影響他們選擇的興趣愛好，?也許會選擇獨自一人進行的活動， 比如閱讀、寫作，?而不是選擇團體運動之類的活動。?它會影響人們選擇的職業(yè)道路。?也許會選擇工作更獨立的崗位， 比如計算機相關的崗位，?而不是銷售或客服之類的方向。?社交焦慮還會影響 人們的日常生活。?里奇·威廉姆斯 （Ricky Williams），?美國國家橄欖球聯(lián)盟 （NFL）的明星跑衛(wèi)，?榮獲海茲曼獎的跑衛(wèi)，?每周在橄欖球場上， 在百萬人面前光芒四射。?但是他說他飽受社交焦慮的困擾， 而且因此，?他很難與隊友互動、?完成日?，嵤拢?因為他得和別人互動，?包括和他的女兒互動。

社交焦慮癥真正造成的悲劇?是它剝奪了一個人最寶貴的資源：?其他人。?其他人可以幫助我們渡過難關，?比如從病痛中康復， 在面試翻車后平復心情。?其他人可以與我們分享 達成成就的喜悅，?比如見證我們孩子的誕生時刻、 我們的婚禮或者畢業(yè)典禮。?其他人可以幫助我們 排遣失去帶來的痛苦，?比如哀悼摯愛之人的逝去。?我們對被拒絕的恐懼阻礙了 我們獲取、享受?被人接受所帶來的益處、 其他人的存在所帶來的益處。

在現(xiàn)代社會中，?應對社交焦慮的難度 達到了最高點。?我們比人類歷史上的任何時候 都更緊密地相連，?但我們沒有這么孤獨過，?沒有這么抑郁過，?沒有這么社交焦慮過。?我們有海量的社交工具，?但是我們眼前的是 愈發(fā)薄弱的社會聯(lián)結(jié)。?在短短的一小段時間內(nèi)，?我們的社會結(jié)構(gòu) 已經(jīng)被顛覆改寫了。?科技和社交媒體 制定了社交關系和互動的新標準：?“我要發(fā)嗎？我要轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)嗎？ 我要點贊嗎？我喜歡它嗎？”?我們通過精心打理的個人簡介， 現(xiàn)在會通過虛擬形象，?創(chuàng)建了這些奇怪的自我延伸。?我們試圖搞明白 源源不斷的反饋意見，?它們來自于我們通常 無法面對面交流的一大群觀眾。?社交失誤的成本更高了。?你的一言一行 會永久地被保留在線上，?對你加以嚴厲的審視、?名譽損失， 甚至會讓你丟了飯碗。?現(xiàn)在可不是患上社交焦慮的好時機。?但是世界會變得更加， 而不是更少地聯(lián)結(jié)在一起，?科技和社交媒體的影響力 會繼續(xù)擴大，?而不是縮小。

是時候談談應對社交焦慮的方法了。?我們該這么做。?我們能做的第一件，也可能是 最簡單的一件事，就是早發(fā)現(xiàn)。?早期發(fā)現(xiàn)非常重要，?因為惡化成社交焦慮失協(xié)癥的患者中?有過半在 14 周歲以前 就出現(xiàn)了這種癥狀。?過半。?社交焦慮還讓人們面臨著?之后患上其他心理疾病的風險。?在被診斷為 同時患有社交焦慮失協(xié)癥?和情緒障礙， 如抑郁的成年患者中，?有 70% 的人 先患上了社交焦慮。?在被診斷為 同時患有社交焦慮失協(xié)癥?和酒精使用障礙的成年患者中，?社交焦慮一馬當先。?有大約 80% 的人 會先患上社交焦慮。?這些數(shù)據(jù)展現(xiàn)的是 社交焦慮出現(xiàn)得很早，?而且會讓人們承擔 患上其他心理疾病的風險。?好在僅僅通過問幾個簡單的問題，?就可以有效精準地識別出社交焦慮。?問題如下：?“你害怕遭到拒絕， 這是你最害怕的事情之一嗎？”?還有“你對被拒絕的恐懼 有沒有阻礙你做一些?你想做或者樂在其中的事？”?問這些問題的成本 只有 30 秒和 0 美元。?我們不需要打造 全新的流程、平臺、服務。?我們不需要顛覆既有的系統(tǒng)。?我們可以把早期發(fā)現(xiàn)項目 納入已有的計劃安排，?學校的場景里有新學年迎新、?和指導老師一對一談話，?也可以在初級保健場景下進行。?因為如果醫(yī)生 能夠檢查出抑郁癥，?那么她也能檢查出社交焦慮。?早期發(fā)現(xiàn)，?適當干預，?可以顯著改變年輕人的人生軌跡。

我們能做的第二件事就是 利用我們的平臺。?生活在這個高度互聯(lián)的世界里 有這么一個好處，?就是一人能有千鈞力。?他們可以通過各種平臺 創(chuàng)造出重要、持久的社會改變。?我提到了里奇·威廉姆斯和大阪，?他們通過自己的途徑 分享了他們的社交焦慮。?僅僅是他們兩個人的行動 就產(chǎn)生了連鎖反應。?緊隨大阪的宣告，?維奧拉·戴維斯 （Viola Davis），?奧斯卡金像獎、艾美獎、托尼獎 獲獎女演員，?分享了她受到社交焦慮困擾的境況。?這位女士的工作是女演員，?是以不堪一擊、眾目睽睽的方式?體現(xiàn)、傳達人類的復雜。?但是這些名人并不是 社交焦慮的代言人。?他們只是三個和百萬患者?受到同樣折磨 但有勇氣公之于眾的人。?如果我們也可以 把大大小小的平臺利用起來。?學校、?職場、?社區(qū)、家庭。?因為圍繞心理疾病 進行定期、坦誠、隨時的對話，?最終可以減少羞恥感，?終結(jié)有害的流言，?給予人們所需的幫助。

我們能做的最后一件事是 培養(yǎng)社交勇氣。?解決社交焦慮的方式 并不是預防或者避免被拒絕。?解決社交焦慮的方式 是培養(yǎng)社交勇氣。?社交勇敢意味著 即使知道你可能會被拒絕，?也勇敢去追求你想要的體驗。?其實，在你人生中的某個階段，?或是今年的某個時刻， 被拒絕的概率都是很高的。?更慘的是你可能會 因為你的本質(zhì)被拒絕。?因為那些你無法改變的事情。?你的出身、?你的外貌、你愛的人。?社交勇敢意味著?因為這些經(jīng)歷對你很重要，?而且你知道它們的成功與否?都與你作為一個人的價值無關， 所以勇敢地去追夢。?社交勇敢意味著 了解你自己的價值，?找到一群人、一個社會集體，?愿意愛他/她，接受他/她。?社交勇敢意味著 邀請他/她去約會，?申請這個崗位，?在會議或者派對上大膽發(fā)言，?或者在大場面做一場大型演講，?就算你遭到拒絕的可能性 仍在虎視眈眈。

但是成長和成就的機會 更加光彩奪目。?你的目標不該是 讓世人不要再注意到你，?而是讓你感受到最鮮活、 最有存在感、?最真實的自己。

謝謝。

Each person who entered our therapy clinic?answer a stack of questions before beginning treatment.?And during my years as a therapist there,?there was one question I always reviewed before meeting with a new client.?It asked this:?What is your purpose in life??Defined as a central motivating life aim, something you're trying to accomplish.

Now, to be fair, this is a difficult question.?Identifying a single purpose in life feels really hard.?It also feels consequential.?Many people spend years searching for and developing their purposes,?and some never find it.?But typically we see responses like this:?to be an engaged parent,?to make meaningful change in my community,?to build a career I'm proud of,?to live for a long time, just keeping it simple.

But then there was the answer of one young woman?who I worked with.?Before meeting with her, as I always did,?I flipped to see how she described her purpose.?And she wrote this:?"To avoid being noticed by other people."?This young woman, a bright, witty, compassionate high schooler,?decided that her purpose in life?was to make sure that other people did not know that she existed.?This is the power of social anxiety.

At its core, social anxiety is about the fear of being rejected.?When we feel socially anxious,?we become hyper-focused on how we are appearing to others.?We scan the room looking for signs of threat and disapproval,?signs we might have slipped up and are at risk for rejection.?And then we seek comfort in signs of approval,?smiles, head nods, laughs and so on.?And while social anxiety can be exhausting,?it exists for a reason.?Social anxiety tries to protect us from rejection,?and it does that by tuning us in to the nuances and norms?and dynamics of a social group?so we can match our behavior to fit in with them?and ultimately avoid being rejected.?This is a good thing because humans are social.?We exist in social groups,?we rely on each other whether or not we like that,?but also more simply because rejection is painful.?Take a moment to think about your own rejection experiences,?however cringeworthy, we all have them.?Maybe you were ghosted after a first date.?Been there.?Maybe you were rejected from your dream job.?Maybe you were ousted from a friend group.?Rejection's unpleasant.?And social anxiety tries to protect us from it.

But social anxiety becomes problematic?when it begins to interfere with the life you want to live.?And this happens when your fear of rejection?becomes intertwined with your view of yourself.?When you believe you will be rejected?because you think you have some inherent flaw,?deficiency or failing of character.?You were ghosted after that first date,?and you believe it's because you were not lovable or attractive enough.?You were turned down from your dream job,?and you believe it's because you were not intelligent or competent enough.?You were ousted from that friend group,?and you believe it’s because you were not interesting or funny enough.?Our fear of rejection is really a fear of being less than.?Less than we want to be,?less than we think we should be?or less than we believe society wants us to be.

Now, over time,?this belief system can develop into social anxiety disorder.?When a person has social anxiety disorder,?they become overly concerned about other people scrutinizing them,?evaluating them harshly and ultimately rejecting them.?So much so that they begin to construct their lives around avoiding rejection.?Because if you can avoid being noticed by other people,?then those people have fewer data points on which to reject you.

Now, social anxiety disorder?is one of the most common mental illnesses in the world.?In the United States alone,?more than 12 percent of Americans at some point in their lives?will have diagnosable social anxiety disorder.?That's roughly 40 million people.?Now worldwide, the estimates are lower, they're four percent,?which in and of itself is interesting.?But based on current population estimates,?four percent of the world is roughly 300 million people?that will potentially have social anxiety disorder?at some point in their lifetime.?And despite how prevalent it is, it's widely misunderstood,?widely misdiagnosed?and often missed entirely.?This is because several myths about social anxiety pervade our culture.

The first myth is that people with social anxiety are happier alone.?The stereotype of someone with social anxiety as a recluse?who'd rather be hiding away alone in their bedroom?than out interacting with the world.?And this is simply not true.?In research conducted in my lab,?we find that people with social anxiety disorder?desire strong, healthy, intimate relationships?to the same degree as those without mental illness.?And they do socialize,?they’re not robotic aliens.?And when they socialize,?they often enjoy doing so.?In fact, when we ask people with social anxiety?how happy they are,?they report feeling happier when they are with other people?than when they're alone.?This is because not all social interactions are stressful.?Maybe someone feels socially anxious with friends?but not their romantic partner.?Or they feel anxious with strangers and acquaintances?but not people like their neighbors or coworkers.?So even though some interactions are stressful,?people with social anxiety are not devoid of the basic desire for human connection.?They just have trouble obtaining it in certain situations with certain people.

OK, so maybe then people with social anxiety do socialize,?and when they do, they enjoy it.?But it's with a small, tight-knit group of people.?And really, social anxiety is about avoiding the spotlight.

And this is the second myth.?Social anxiety is not necessarily about a fear of public performance.?While this is true of some people,?other people with social anxiety find performing in front of others?less anxiety-provoking?than smaller, more intimate conversations,?like when they have to carry a conversation one on one.?Many people with social anxiety excel in careers?that are intertwined with social evaluation and social performance.?Modeling, acting, sports.

In May of 2021,?Naomi Osaka declined to participate in press conferences of the French Open.?She courageously and preemptively shared?that they exacerbated her social anxiety.?Shortly thereafter, she received a wave of public backlash and scrutiny.?She goes on to play her first match,?of course, wins,?and then she withdraws from the French Open.?Many people were perplexed?about how someone could have social anxiety?and also be the number one ranked tennis player in the world,?lead a fashion campaign with Nike -- good choice --?and don the cover of Sports Illustrated in a swimsuit.?In an interview the year prior discussing her social anxiety,?Osaka explained:?"On the court is completely different.?I love playing at Arthur Ashe because it’s the biggest stadium,?and you feel the rumble of the crowd.?You kind of feel like a gladiator because it’s super-big?and there are so many people watching your match.?But off the court,?if I was ever thrown into a situation?where I had to speak in front of 100 people,?I feel like I would start shaking."

There is no one-size-fits-all profile of social anxiety.?Just like people who are depressed have different collections of symptoms?at different times for different reasons,?social anxiety looks different in different people.

And last and maybe the most problematic myth.?That social anxiety is fleeting and harmless.?Social anxiety is not just something you grow out of.?It doesn't magically disappear?when you graduate middle school or high school.?Without intervention, many people struggle with social anxiety for years,?for decades.?And social anxiety can influence every aspect of a person's life.?It can influence the hobbies they choose,?maybe opting for solo activities like reading, writing,?rather than things like team sports.?It can influence the careers people pursue.?Maybe opting for careers with more individual, like computer time,?versus things like sales or customer service.?And social anxiety could influence people's everyday lives.?Ricky Williams, star NFL running back,?Heisman-winning running back,?dazzled millions of people on the football field every week.?And yet he shared that he struggled with social anxiety, and because of it,?he had difficulty interacting with teammates,?running everyday errands?where he'd have to interact with people?and even interacting with his own daughter.

The real tragedy of social anxiety?is that it robs individuals of their greatest resource:?other people.?Other people help us overcome adversity,?like recovering from illness or after you bomb a job interview.?Other people help us celebrate milestones?like showing up to the birth of our child or a wedding or a graduation.?And other people help us overcome loss,?like grieving the death of a loved one.?Our fear of rejection gets in the way of obtaining and appreciating?the benefits of being accepted, the benefits of other people.

And in our modern world,?it is harder than ever to manage social anxiety.?We are more connected today than any time in human history,?and yet we are lonelier,?more depressed?and more socially anxious than ever.?We have endless tools to socialize,?and yet we're seeing a decaying social connection.?In a rapid amount of time,?our social structures have been upended and rewritten.?Technology and social media have created new standards?for social relationships and interactions:?"Do I post it, do I share it, do I like it, do I love it?"?We create these bizarre extensions of ourselves?through curated profiles and now avatars.?We try to make sense of unlimited feedback?from a massive and often invisible audience.?And the costs of social blunders are higher.?Things you do and things you say can live online forever?and subject you to unforgiving scrutiny,?reputation loss and even job loss.?It is a tough time to have social anxiety.?But the world will become more, not less, connected,?and the influence of technology and social media will grow,?not shrink.

Now is the time to address social anxiety.?And here's how.?The first and maybe easiest thing we can do is identify early.?Early detection is critical?because of those who go on to develop social anxiety disorder,?more than half will have developed it before their 14th birthday.?More than half.?And social anxiety puts people at risk?for developing other mental illnesses later on.?Of adults who were diagnosed with both social anxiety disorder?and a mood disorder like depression,?social anxiety came first 70 percent of the time.?Of adults who were diagnosed with both social anxiety disorder?and alcohol use disorder,?social anxiety came first.?It was developed first approximately 80 percent of the time.?What these data suggests is that social anxiety starts early,?and it puts people at risk for developing other mental illnesses.?But here's the incredible part.?Social anxiety can be reliably and accurately flagged?by asking just a few simple questions.?Questions like:?"Is your fear of rejection among one of your worst fears?"?And "Does your fear of rejection get in the way of doing things?that you'd otherwise want to be or enjoy doing?"?The cost of asking these questions is like 30 seconds and zero dollars.?We don't have to create new infrastructures.?We don't have to upend existing ones.?We can embed early detection programs into our existing structures?like at schools, new year orientation,?one-on-one counselor meetings?and in primary care settings.?Because if a doctor can screen for depression,?then she can also screen for social anxiety.?Early detection?and then appropriately intervening?can significantly alter the trajectories of young people.

The second thing we can do is harness our platforms.?One of the benefits of living in this hyperconnected world?is that a single person can have a ton of power.?They can use their platforms to create meaningful and lasting social change.?I mentioned Ricky Williams and Osaka,?who have used their platforms to share about their social anxiety.?And just from these two people, we’ve seen a ripple effect.?In response to Osaka's announcement,?Viola Davis,?Oscar, Emmy, Tony-award winning actress,?shared that she struggles with social anxiety.?A woman whose job it is as an actress?to embody and express the complexities of people?in very vulnerable and very public ways.?But frankly, these celebrities are not the poster children for social anxiety.?They're just three of the millions who suffer,?who were brave enough to talk about it.?And we can do the same with our platforms, however big or small.?In our schools,?in our workplaces,?in our communities and in our homes.?Because regular, candid and forthcoming conversations about mental illness?ultimately reduce stigma,?correct harmful myths?and get people the help that they need.

The last thing that we can do is foster social courage.?Addressing social anxiety is not about preventing or avoiding rejection.?Addressing social anxiety is about fostering social courage.?Being socially courageous means pursuing experiences?and knowing that your chances of rejection are not zero.?In fact, the chances that you get rejected at some point in your life,?at some point this year, are high.?And worse, you may be rejected as a function of who you are.?Things about yourself that you cannot change.?Where you come from,?what you look like or who you love.?Being socially courageous means pursuing experiences?because they are important to you?and knowing that the successes of those pursuits?are not contingent on your worth as a human being.?Being socially courageous means knowing your worth?and finding people and social groups?that love and accept that person.?And being socially courageous means asking that person out,?applying for that job,?speaking up at that meeting or that party?or giving that big talk on that big stage,?knowing that rejection lurks around the corner.

But the opportunity for growth and for purpose shines brighter.?A purpose not defined by ensuring that you go unnoticed in this world,?but a purpose that makes you feel most alive, most present?and most authentically you.

Thank you.

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