今天推薦的演講者是：Bob Stein，發(fā)布于2017年的TED演講大會！在生命的早期，我們用儀式來標(biāo)志每個階段，比如：生日、畢業(yè)、結(jié)婚典禮，但步入晚年后呢？在這個“思前想后”的冥想演講中，Bob 提出了一個新的暮年儀式感！

A rite of passage for late life

Bob SteinI grew up white, secular and middle class in 1950s America. That meant watching fireworks on the Fourth of July, trick-or-treating on Halloween and putting presents under a tree at Christmas.

我出生于五十年代美國的一個傳統(tǒng)的白人中產(chǎn)階級家庭里。這意味著，七月四號（獨立日）要看煙花，在萬圣節(jié)不給糖就搗亂，以及圣誕節(jié)時會把禮物放在樹下。

But by the time those traditions got to me, they were hollow, commercial enterprises, which just left me feeling empty. So from a relatively young age, I found myself looking to fill an existential hole, to connect with something bigger than myself.

到了我生活的年代時，這些傳統(tǒng)變成了空洞的商業(yè)之事，讓我感到空虛。所以，從年輕的時候，我就開始尋找方法填補(bǔ)這個存在了的空洞，以期與更偉大的事物相連。

There hadn't been a bar mitzvah in my family in over a century, so I thought I'd take a shot at that -- only to be devastated when my one encounter with the rabbi, a really tall, godlike figure with flowing white hair, consisted of him asking me for my middle name so we could fill out a form. Yep, that was it.

一個多世紀(jì)以來，我家沒有舉辦過一場（猶太）成人禮，所以我想我應(yīng)該試試看。但和拉比（猶太教教義者）的相遇仍帶來了毀滅性的打擊，他很高，像神靈一樣，有一頭飄逸的白發(fā)，相遇時他詢問我的中間名是什么，以填在表格上。是的，就是這樣。

So I got the fountain pen, but I didn't get the sense of belonging and confidence I was searching for.

我拿起了那只筆，但并未獲得我一直在尋找的歸屬感和信心。

Many years later, I couldn't bear the thought of my son turning 13 without some kind of rite of passage. So I came up with the idea of a 13th birthday trip, and I offered to take Murphy anywhere in the world that had meaning for him.

多年后，我無法容忍我的孩子將滿13歲，卻沒有舉行任何儀式，所以我想出了這個主意——十三歲生日之旅。我提出帶Murphy去這個世界上任何一個對他有意義的地方。

A budding young naturalist who loved turtles, he immediately settled on the Galapagos. And when my daughter, Katie, turned 13, she and I spent two weeks at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, where Katie learned for the first time that she was powerful and brave.

作為一個嶄露頭角喜歡烏龜?shù)哪贻p博物學(xué)家，他毫不猶豫地選擇了加拉帕戈斯群島，當(dāng)我的女兒Katie滿13歲時，我們一起在大峽谷底部度過了兩周。正是在那兒，Katie第一次意識到了自己的強(qiáng)大與勇敢。

Since then, my partner, Ashton, and lots of our friends and relatives have taken their kids on 13th birthday trips, with everyone finding it transformative for both the child and the parent.

在這之后，我的另一半Ashton還有很多親朋都帶著他們的小孩兒開啟了十三歲生日之旅。無論是大人還是小孩，每個人都能看到它帶來的改變。

I wasn't brought up saying grace. But for the last 20 years, we've been holding hands before every meal. It's a beautiful bit of shared silence that brings us all together in the moment. Ashton tells everyone to "pass the squeeze," while she assures them it's not religious.

我家并沒有飯前禱告的傳統(tǒng)，但在過去的20年里，每次用餐前我們都會牽住彼此的手。那是寂靜又美好的時刻，我們在那時緊密相依，Ashton告訴大家，要緊握彼此，但她保證這并不帶有宗教性質(zhì)。

So recently, when my family asked me if I could please do something with the more than 250 boxes of stuff that I've collected over a lifetime, my ritual-making impulse kicked in.

最近，當(dāng)我的家人問我，我是否能用我一生收集的250多箱東西做點什么時，“舉行儀式”的沖動再次涌上心頭。

I started wondering if I could go further than simple death cleaning. "Death cleaning" is the Swedish term for clearing out your closets, your basement and your attic before you die, so your kids don't have to do it later.

我開始想，除去死亡清理，我還能再做些什么？“死亡清理”是瑞典的習(xí)俗，在你去世前你會清理你的壁櫥，地下室和閣樓，這樣你的孩子以后就不用做這些了。

I pictured my children opening up box after box and wondering why I'd kept any of that stuff. And then I imagined them looking at a specific picture of me with a beautiful young woman, and asking, "Who on earth is that with Dad?"

我開始想象我的孩子們打開一個又一個箱子，猜想我為什么要留著這些物什。我能想象到當(dāng)他們看著我和一位妙齡女子的合影時，滿腹疑惑“和我爸爸在一起的究竟是誰”。

And that was the aha moment. It wasn't the things I'd saved that were important; it was the stories that went with them that gave them meaning. Could using the objects to tell the stories be the seed of a new ritual, a rite of passage -- not for a 13-year-old, but for someone much further down the road?

這就是“頓悟時刻”，并非是我留下的東西很重要，它背后的故事才是意義所在。是否可以通過講述它們的故事，開啟一項新儀式，不再是給13歲準(zhǔn)備的成人禮，而是為了更年長的人們。

So I started experimenting. I got a few dozen things out of the boxes, I put them about in a room, and I invited people to come in and ask me about anything that they found interesting. The results were terrific.

我開始嘗試，我從箱子里挑選了幾十樣?xùn)|西，將它們擺放在一個房間內(nèi)，邀請人們前來，并詢問他們感興趣的事物。結(jié)果非常棒。

A good story became a launching pad for a much deeper discussion, in which my visitors made meaningful connections to their own lives. Derrius [Quarles] asked me about a Leonard Peltier T-shirt that I'd worn a lot in the '80s, that, sadly, is still relevant today.

一段好的故事會激發(fā)出更深入的討論，讓我的訪客建立起和他們自身息息相關(guān)的聯(lián)系，Derrius曾問過我關(guān)于Leonard Peltier T恤的故事，我在80年代經(jīng)常穿它，令人感傷的是，它與現(xiàn)在仍緊密相連。

Our conversation moved quickly, from a large number of political prisoners in American jails, to Derrius wondering about the legacy of the Black Liberation Movement of the '60s, and how his life might be different if he'd come of age then, instead of 30-odd years later.

我們的對話進(jìn)展很快，從美國監(jiān)獄中關(guān)押的大量政治犯，到Derrius想要了解60年代黑人解放運(yùn)動的遺留問題，以及如果他在那時就已成年，而不是30年后，他的人生將是什么樣子。

At the end of our conversation, Derrius asked me if he could have the T-shirt. And giving it to him felt just about perfect. As these conversations established common ground, especially across generations, I realized I was opening a space for people to talk about things that really mattered to them.

在談話的最后，Derrius問我能否把T恤給他，我想這可能是最完美的做法。當(dāng)這些對話建立起共同點，特別是跨世紀(jì)的共同點，我意識到我開拓了一片新天地。人們可以談?wù)撍麄冋嬲P(guān)心的事情。

And I started seeing myself with a renewed sense of purpose -- not as the old guy on the way out, but as someone with a role to play going forward.

我的人生也有了全新的使命感。我不再是將要離世的老人，而是有角色要扮演的人，在向前邁進(jìn)。

When I was growing up, life ended for most people in their 70s. People are living far longer now, and for the first time in human history, it's common for four generations to be living side by side. I'm 71, and with a bit of luck, I've got 20 or 30 more years ahead of me.

在我小時候，大多數(shù)人會在70歲逝世，但是人們的壽命在延長，人類史上第一次發(fā)現(xiàn)，四世同堂是一件很平常的事情，我已經(jīng)71歲了，如果幸運(yùn)的話，我還可以活20年或30年。

Giving away my stuff now and sharing it with friends, family, and I hope strangers, too, seems like the perfect way to enter this next stage of my life. Turns out to be just what I was looking for: a ritual that's less about dying and more about opening the door to whatever comes next. Thank you. Onward!

現(xiàn)在就拿出我的收藏，把它們的故事講述給我的朋友、家人，我甚而希望是陌生人，似乎是進(jìn)入人生新階段的最好方式，這正是我所找尋的：一個與死亡無關(guān)的儀式，敞開大門，迎接未來， 謝謝你們。繼續(xù)前行！