Navigating Peer Relationships While Climbing the Ladder

by?Amii Barnard-Bahn

Just after finishing law school, I started a clerkship at a firm. There were seven of us from around the country; we worked long hours and were inseparable outside of work. Bonded by our entry-level rank and modest budget, we had lunch together daily, often at the Taco Bell across the street. After work, we commiserated at the local dive bar.

從法學院畢業(yè)后，我開始在一家公司實習。團隊的七個人來自全國各地，大多數(shù)時間大家都在一起工作，因此閑暇時也總是形影不離。由于我們職級較低，預(yù)算有限，每天都會一起去街對面的塔可鐘吃午飯。下班后，則會去當?shù)氐臐撍瓢晒捕攘枷?/p>

Underlying these relationships simmered a darker reality. We knew that at the end of 10 weeks, only three or four of us would be offered a job. It was just the way it worked. We were colleagues — and competitors.

但在這樣的關(guān)系背后，卻隱藏著一個殘酷的現(xiàn)實。那就是10周以后，我們之中只有三或四個人能繼續(xù)留下來從事這份工作。也就是說，我們既是同事，也是競爭對手。

These kinds of stressful situations are?common?with peer working relationships and grow exponentially in risk and complexity as you near the C-suite. They are both a conundrum and a paradox. The very people you need to collaborate with to get your work done and affect your?satisfaction and joy at work, are also your competitors in a game of?Survivor.

在工作中，這樣“亦敵亦友”的同事關(guān)系并不少見。當你越接近核心管理層，相應(yīng)的風險和復(fù)雜程度越會成倍增長。這是個難題，同樣也是悖論——與你合作完成工作甚至“甘苦與共”的人，也是你在這場“幸存者游戲”中的競爭對手。

The fact is, the workplace is one of the few environments in which we are?forced?into relationships. We must work together amiably and effectively to achieve organizational goals. And if we’re ambitious or stay at an organization long enough, eventually, most peers become our?bosses?or our?subordinates.

事實上，工作場所是為數(shù)不多的被動建立關(guān)系的地方。我們必須友好且高效地合作，才能實現(xiàn)組織的目標。同時，如果彼此都是事業(yè)心強或者有抱負的人，再或者一起工作得夠久，最終，大多數(shù)同事也會逐漸發(fā)展成自己的上級或下屬。

So how can we effectively navigate these potentially messy — and critically important — relationships? Here are three strategies, based on my experience as an executive and now as a coach supporting executive clients.

那么，該怎么做才能有效地駕馭這些復(fù)雜而又至關(guān)重要的關(guān)系？這里有三個策略可供參考，它們都是我這些年擔任高管以及現(xiàn)在作為教練支持高管客戶的經(jīng)驗之談。

Don't expect friendship.

不要試圖在工作中發(fā)展友誼

Several years ago, a peer and I were aiming for different SVP roles in the same department. I considered her a friend. We’d had lunch together for years, shared parenting issues, been publicly lauded as Top 20 performers in the company the year prior,?and we were navigating a massive reorganization with a new?C-suite?boss.

幾年前，我和同部門一位同事是不同高級副總裁職位的候選人。我將她視為朋友，多年來我們一起吃午飯，分享育兒問題，上一個年度還一起入選公司的前20名先進員工代表。當時，我們需要與一位新的公司高管進行大規(guī)模重組。

I hadn’t naturally warmed to our new boss, but my colleague clearly had become visibly favored. On our way to yoga class, seeking guidance, I confided, “I’m having a hard time building a relationship with our new boss.” She smiled widely, “I don’t know why; I think she’s terrific!” and made it clear the conversation was over and not to be revisited. That exchange and subsequent interactions indicated that she was not going to risk her new status to help me. That was the end of the work friendship, and after biding my time for a year, I left for an executive role at another company.

我對新任老板并沒有萌生天然的好感，但我的同事顯然很受這位領(lǐng)導(dǎo)青睞。在我們?nèi)ド翔べふn的路上，談到這一話題時我坦白說：“我很難與新的老板相處融洽?！彼⑿χf：“我不太能理解你的感受，因為我覺得她很棒！”顯然，談話可以到此為止了，她并不想繼續(xù)這個話題。經(jīng)過這次交流和隨后的互動，我很清楚她擔任新的職務(wù)后不會冒著風險來幫我。這份工作中的友誼就這樣結(jié)束了，僵持了一年之后，我離職去了另外一家公司擔任行政職務(wù)。

While it’s important to establish cordial working relationships, there’s a limit to how much emotional bonding is healthy as you climb the corporate ladder. Keep it friendly (like remembering the name of their partner or kids), but maintain boundaries. Oversharing personal information (like religious or political beliefs) can cause conflict in the relationship, leading to awkwardness and getting work done effectively. Don’t look to work as a place to have your core emotional needs met; invest in relationships and organizations you care about outside your company.

可見，雖然建立親密的工作關(guān)系很重要，但在職場晉升的過程中，情感紐帶維系在正常的限度范圍即可。保持友好（例如記住他們伴侶或孩子的名字），但要有一定的邊界感——要知道，過度分享個人信息（例如宗教或政治信仰）容易引發(fā)沖突，甚至造成尷尬，以至于無法順利地推進工作。因此，不要把工作場所看成滿足主要情感需求的地方；你盡可以在公司之外，發(fā)展自己看重的關(guān)系或組織。

Manage sideways.

采取迂回戰(zhàn)略

When you’re being considered for the senior-most executive ranks, leaders will go to your peers and ask for their views. It’s often an informal dialogue, generally not acknowledged as part of the formal performance review process.?Some organizations, most famously?Amazon, have even changed their performance model to give more credit to peer feedback.

當領(lǐng)導(dǎo)考慮擢升你的職級時，他們往往會通過一些非正式的談話向你的同事征詢意見，而這種問詢通常不會計入正式的績效審查過程。以亞馬遜為代表的一些組織甚至為此改變了自己的績效模式，更為倚重同事之間的反饋。

But with our peers, we don’t always “manage up” or act on our best behavior like we might with our boss or direct reports. Our peers are therefore the likeliest group to experience, observe, and know our weaknesses. “Peers have the best read on you — and are the harshest critics, since they are at your level,” John Horton, an organizational psychologist, told me. Over his years of experience conducting workplace assessments, he has found that we’re most likely to exhibit?derailing leadership behaviors?to our peers.

但是，并非所有的同事都會一心為你考慮，在向老板匯報時強調(diào)你的優(yōu)點或業(yè)績。相反，同事是最有可能觀察和了解到我們?nèi)觞c的那群人。組織心理學家約翰·霍頓指出：“由于長年一起工作，同事往往最了解你，因此對你的批評也最有可能一針見血。”根據(jù)多年來對工作場所評估的經(jīng)驗所得，他發(fā)現(xiàn)人們對自己同事的評價反而最有可能影響領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的決定。

This aligns with my own experience conducing 360 reviews for clients. For example, one of my clients — despite her objectively top numbers in sales — was being blocked from an executive role due to negative feedback from peers absorbed two levels up at the executive leadership team. It took thorough feedback interviews, six months of coaching, and the development of a perception management strategy to undo the damage, and she finally received the promotion she deserved.

這與我為客戶進行360度評估的經(jīng)驗相吻合。例如，我的一位客戶盡管銷售業(yè)績名列前茅，但是同事向執(zhí)行領(lǐng)導(dǎo)層提供的負面反饋，將她擋在了管理職位以外。經(jīng)過深入的反饋訪談和為期半年的輔導(dǎo)，并為她制定感知管理策略，她最終如愿以償?shù)玫搅颂嵘?/p>

To understand your impact on your peers, ask them. Make regular time to check in and find out how you and you team’s actions are affecting achievement of?their?goals. Find common ground to support them and activate the norm of reciprocity —?the concept that people help those who help them. Making peer inquiry a routine habit can surface opportunities and issues early, giving you a chance to cement the relationship and course correct, if necessary.

因此，要想知道同事對你的看法，可以直接請教他們。定期溝通，了解你和團隊的支持能否幫到他們的工作。從而找到彼此互惠互利的交互點——人們往往愿意幫助那些有助于他們的人。如此一來，把同事間的反饋當成一種常規(guī)習慣，就可以及早發(fā)現(xiàn)機會和問題，讓你來得及鞏固關(guān)系，并在必要時糾正方向。

Sometimes simply affirming others does the trick. One of my clients was struggling with a key peer who would barely acknowledge him. Working together, we agreed he would find something worthy that this colleague put forward in each executive meeting, and visibly agree —?through commenting or body language. After a few months, his peer asked him out for coffee to get to know him better and that kicked off a workable relationship.

另外，肯定他人也能起到立竿見影的效果。我的一位客戶正在與另一位習慣性否定他的重要同事“斗智斗勇”。經(jīng)過商量，我建議他在每次例會上針對這位同事提出的有價值的想法，從言辭或身體語言上予以贊同。幾個月后，這位同事邀請他一起喝咖啡，以便更好地增進雙方了解，這便開啟了一種可行的關(guān)系。

Hone your political skills.

磨煉“政治”技能

Peers serve critical information purposes —?they often possess valuable knowledge that can alert you about what’s happening in the organization and why.

同事還擔負著非常關(guān)鍵的“情報”作用——他們往往擁有豐富的知識和經(jīng)驗，可以提醒你組織中發(fā)生了什么以及原因所在。

But as?Jeffrey Pfeffer, Stanford University professor and renowned authority on organizational?power, told me, peer relationships are “a mixed-motive game.” Bluntly put, “the best, most politically effective peers will be able to successfully hide their true agendas and actions. So the first thing one needs to do with peers is, to the extent possible, find out what they are up to,” he says.

不過，正如斯坦福大學教授、著名的組織權(quán)力權(quán)威杰弗里·普費弗所說的那樣，同事關(guān)系是“一場混合動機的游戲”。直截了當?shù)卣f就是，“最有城府和政治頭腦的同事總是能成功隱藏自己的真實想法和行動。因此，與他們相處的首要任務(wù)是盡可能找出他們的目的。”

When I served on the executive team at one company, my colleague who was our CHRO was always tight-lipped about everything, only sharing what was absolutely necessary with her peers about her business plans. You never really knew what she was up to, or whether she truly supported your initiatives. She was tightly aligned with our president, however, and made sure his objectives were executed. It paid off —?when he suddenly left to?become CEO?of a larger, more prestigious company, he took her with him to lead HR.

以前，當我在一家公司的執(zhí)行團隊任職時，公司的首席財務(wù)官就是這樣的風格——你永遠不知道她在做什么，或者她是否真正支持你的倡議。她總是對所有的事情守口如瓶，只在絕對必要的情況下才與同事分享她的商業(yè)計劃。然而，她卻與公司總裁保持著緊密的聯(lián)系，并堅定地貫徹執(zhí)行他的目標。“回報”顯而易見——當總裁突然離開，到另一家更大、更有聲望的公司擔任首席執(zhí)行官時，他也帶著她一起去了新的公司領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人力資源部。

To ensure you’re not left behind, candidly evaluate the behaviors that are rewarded in your organization. Examine who gets promoted and why. Be strategic, and broker partnerships with colleagues who are in favor, finding common ground for advancing mutually beneficial agendas. In a sharp-elbows culture, you may need to be more guarded.

所以，為了不讓自己“掉隊”，你要及時關(guān)注組織做出的獎勵決定，并進行客觀的評估和分析，判斷誰能得到晉升以及為什么。做這些事要講究策略，與意見一致的同事建立伙伴關(guān)系，盡量本著求同存異，互惠互利的原則，達成共同的愿景。當然，在銳意進取的企業(yè)文化里，你可能需要相對謹慎一些。

It’s also advantageous to manage your emotions and cultivate a poker face. According to Pfeffer, “Getting along, let alone being successful in the world, often requires a large amount of inauthenticity and self-regulation.” As you approach senior levels of the organization, you often can’t indulge emotions like irritation, anger, or fatigue without running the risk of impacting morale, being misinterpreted, or damaging relationships.

此外，善于管理自己的情緒甚至保持一張撲克臉也很有利。根據(jù)普費弗的觀點，“相處，更不用說在世界上取得成功，往往需要隱藏真實的性情并學會自我調(diào)節(jié)”。當你越是接近組織的核心層，越不能“放飛自我”，任由煩躁、憤怒或疲勞這樣的情緒蔓延，否則極有可能影響士氣、被誤解甚至破壞彼此的關(guān)系。

Executive leadership relies heavily, if informally, on peer perceptions of you for?promotional opportunities?— whether they are fair and accurate or not. Ambitious professionals will heed the strategies shared above for navigating these complex relationships as they ascend to the C-suite.

總之，我們在職場上的晉升機會，很大程度上有賴于同事對執(zhí)行領(lǐng)導(dǎo)層的反饋——無論他們是否公平和準確。事業(yè)心爆棚的專業(yè)人士在晉級核心領(lǐng)導(dǎo)層的過程中，會注重以上分享的策略，以便駕馭好其中復(fù)雜的關(guān)系。

Amii Barnard-Bahn, a former Fortune Global 50 executive, is a?consultant?and speaker who specializes in accelerating the success of?leaders and their teams. Her clients include Gap, Adobe, Chegg, Boehringer Ingelheim, and Bank of the West.?

阿米·巴納德·巴恩是《財富》雜志全球50強的前高管，她是一名顧問和演講者，專門負責加速領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者及其團隊的成功。其客戶包括Gap、Adobe、Chegg、勃林格殷格翰和西部銀行。

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