I have this problem that, some times after I finish reading a book, it's as if I've installed a memory self-destruction system in my brain and forgotten all about it. I'm not sure if it's my unconscious thoughts preventing me from progressing, or if it's my ego that is making me feel overwhelmed by the urge to better myself.

Approximately three years ago, I was confronted with some complex issues in my life which led me to seek resolution in literature, thus granting me the opportunity to read Rowland Miller's Intimate Relationships. After reading this book, I not only found the answers I was searching for, but I felt as if I had unlocked a new realm of understanding - one that I had never experienced before. unfortunately, I'm unable to address certain issues I've encountered again, I'm stuck in a perpetual cycle; I'm attempting to soothe myself by rereading the book.

I noticed that some couples appeared to be in a so called relationship, yet their interactions were less than ideal, leading them to believe that they were in an intimate partnership, when in reality, they had not truly allowed themselves to be vulnerable to one another. I began to ponder, what does it take for two individuals to establish a close bond? How can we work together for this ultimate goal? Of course, one person's dedication is not enough, well, mutual matters.

Having gone through the book a second time, I was once more comforted by the answers I found. I highlited "giving and receiving, expressing and listening, participating and understanding, balancing and stabilizing" as the code of intimacy; maybe I got the same answers last time, but I was still curious about the meaning of what I got this time, Let's see.

我有這樣一個壞毛病，就是，有些時候我讀完一本書后，就仿佛我在大腦中安裝了記憶自毀系統(tǒng)一般，忘得一干二凈，不知道是我的潛意識在跟我作對還是我大腦中的小我試圖影響我提升自己的欲望，這有時候真的讓人不知所措。

三年前，生活中遇到的一些難題迫使我從書籍中尋找答案，于是就這樣我有幸讀到羅蘭米勒的《親密關(guān)系》。我記得當時讀完這本書，我獲得的不僅是我尋找的答案那么簡單，我仿佛打開了一扇我從來沒有打開過的門，我仿佛悟出了人間真理，在那時刻，我真的有感覺以后的關(guān)系處理問題中，我將會成為那個成熟及充滿智慧的問題解決者。但是誰知道，此時此刻，在遇到的一些問題上面我還是無能為力，于是，我就像是進入了endless loop一般，又開始重新拾起這本書，試圖安慰并治愈自己。

我觀察發(fā)現(xiàn)，有很多貌似相愛的情侶，進行著不如人意的相處模式，自認為進入了所謂的親密關(guān)系，實際上，在他們的世界里，親密一詞一直被拒之門外，這里的兩個人并沒有真正的敞開自己。我大腦里便開始出現(xiàn)這樣一個問題，怎么樣的兩個人才能建立起所謂的親密關(guān)系？怎么樣才能一起為這個終極目標努力前進呢？當然，一個人的付出是不夠的,相互是必要的。

這次，我第二次讀完這本書，再一次得到了一些能安慰到自己的答案，我將“給予和接受、表達與傾聽、參與與了解、平衡與穩(wěn)定”定為走向親密的法典；也許上一次我也得出了一樣的答案，但是我還是很好奇這次的收獲又存在什么樣的意義呢？