FREE高考英語(yǔ) 文章續(xù)寫（二）
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第七次課
2021年廣州二模續(xù)寫
Aram and Rossi’s Bakery
Walking along the narrow brick sidewalk, Aram took a deep breath. The air smelled of?lemons and baked bread and coffee, coming from Rossi’s Italian Bakery. He was almost there.
Aram still couldn’t believe his luck. All his friends were working boring summer jobs—waiting tables and babysitting. And here he was, about to start as an actual baker’s assistant, doing what he loved. It was all thanks to his Aunt Rita. She knew Mrs. Rossi and had arranged everything. It was the perfect experience for his future career. Rossi’s Bakery, he was sure, would one day be known as the place where he got his start.
Ah, here he was—the bakery. A faded wooden sign?over the door read “Rossi’s Bakery.” Aram straightened his shoulders and entered. Mrs. Rossi was sitting at the counter, looking old and wise. Aram greeted her and stuck out his hand. Mrs. Rossi looked at it for a second before turning around and waving him inside. “I’m ready to learn everything,” Aram said.
“Great. Let’s start with the cash register,” Mrs. Rossi said, “because that’s what you’ll be doing.” She showed him how to use the cash register. It wasn’t hard. The pastry trays were all marked by price, and there weren’t that many choices anyway. “That’s it?” Aram said, his heart sinking.?“But when do we bake?”
“Bake? I order wholesale now. No more baking. I’m too old.” Then Mrs. Rossi silently held up her hands. Aram took in her knotted, swollen fingers, and he understood. A wave of?disappointment struck him.?Sadness overwhelmed him so suddenly that he couldn’t think of a word to say.
He sighed, and Mrs. Rossi sighed, too. “I used to bake it all. Bread and cakes. And no one did it better than me. But that was when these things worked,” said Mrs. Rossi holding up her hands once more and glancing across the shelves filled with empty bottles labelled with names of the various ingredients (配料) she once used. Suddenly she came alive, waving her arthritic (關(guān)節(jié)炎的) hands. “People used to line up around the corner. Everyone wanted my baked bread.”
Aram 來(lái)實(shí)習(xí)的年輕人 未來(lái)職業(yè) 憧憬 失望
Mrs. Rossi 店主老女人 高超烘焙技巧 被迫放棄
Then a thought occurred to Aram that he could ask Mrs. Rossi to teach?him.?Aram請(qǐng)求教
“Dear Mrs. Rossi,” his eyes shone like the stars in the night sky, “I love bakery from my childhood?and it’s my dream?to provide delicious bread and cakes for others. When people are in a bad mood, I believe?tasty food can bring them happiness, and I want to become that person?who spread joy through my own efforts! Please teach me!”
過(guò)去夢(mèng)想—現(xiàn)在觀點(diǎn)—未來(lái)期許 ：提出要求
Mrs. Rossi raised her eyebrows?and carefully measured the young man, who stood nervously waiting for her answer.
過(guò)程——說(shuō)服
提出教 — 同意？（不合理）
不同意？— 反復(fù)請(qǐng)求 — 心理變化
（對(duì)話、原因、復(fù)雜）
沉默
Mrs. Rossi finally?said, “Let’s buy the ingredients first.”?Rossi同意教
配料買齊 開(kāi)始烘焙 學(xué)習(xí)提升 煥發(fā)生機(jī) 顧客歸來(lái)
For?Aram, it was a weight off his mind. 心理 回應(yīng)
In the following days, Aram ordered all the necessary ingredients online?and the empty bottles on the shelves were refilled. 具體動(dòng)作+結(jié)果
With?Mrs. Rossi’s guidance, Aram’s baking skills improved day by day. 情節(jié)發(fā)展 動(dòng)作
Old customers started to come back, and the faded bakery seemed to regain its life. 結(jié)果
Sometimes Mrs. Rossi would sit in an armchair outside and greeted people under the new wooden sign, which now read “Aram and Rossi’s Bakery”.?
平凡結(jié)尾 — 日常 — 扣題
全文呈現(xiàn)
Then a thought occurred to Aram that he could ask Mrs. Rossi to teach him.?“Dear Mrs. Rossi,” his eyes shone like the stars in the night sky, “I love bakery from my childhood and it’s my dream to provide delicious bread and cakes for others. When people are in a bad mood, I believe tasty food can bring them happiness, and I want to become that person who spread joy through my own efforts! Please teach me!” Mrs. Rossi raised her eyebrows and carefully measured the young man, who stood nervously waiting for her answer.
Mrs. Rossi finally said, “Let’s buy the ingredients first.”?For Aram, it was a weight off his mind. In the following days, Aram ordered all the necessary ingredients online and the empty bottles on the shelves were refilled. With Mrs. Rossi’s guidance, Aram’s baking skills improved day by day. Old customers started to come back, and the faded bakery seemed to regain its life. Sometimes Mrs. Rossi would sit in an armchair outside and greeted people under the new wooden sign, which now read “Aram and Rossi’s Bakery”.
第八次課
汕頭二模文章續(xù)寫：正—負(fù)—正
The average present merely satisfies a temporary desire; the great one becomes more precious with time going by. 回憶
When I?was a boy of fourteen, I needed to have 80 hours of community service?per year and I used to take care of Mrs. Long’s garden, which was near the Presbyterian Church. As a junior high school student, I devoted myself to it, sweeping the fallen leaves and mowing the lawn (修剪草坪). There I learnt how to cut away dry branches and even helped to plant a sapling (小樹(shù)苗). Tired as I was every time I finished my work, I did enjoy the time there for learning something new. I clearly remembered that Mrs. Long, a nice and caring elder, always treated me to delicious meals and drinks. She also loved taking photos, always with an old camera in hand. It was said that the camera was passed down from her father and she cherished it a lot.
主線：做社區(qū)服務(wù)—照顧花園—她給我吃喝—我開(kāi)心
支線/伏筆/鋪墊：拍照/照相機(jī)??????????????????????
Several days before Christmas, she whispered to me, “When Christmas comes, I shall have a present for you.” I spent much time wondering what it would be. The boys I played with had baseball gloves, ice skates and bicycles, and I was so eager to acquire any one of these that I convinced myself that she intended to choose from among them. But at the same time, I had some doubts whether she would buy me such things because she was not that well-off.
The day before Christmas, I went there as before. With the work done, I was going to leave when she pulled me aside. “Kid, wait for a minute,” she said, leading me into her living room. She seated me on a chair, went to another room, and in a moment stood before me holding a small package?that under no circumstances could hold a bicycle or a pair of skates or even a baseball glove. It weighed almost nothing.
隨時(shí)間經(jīng)歷更寶貴+拍照/照相機(jī)+小盒子+沒(méi)重量
=?照片+信/文字 — 主題
I took the package with disappointment.
我心理：展開(kāi)失望、掩飾失望、愧疚、自責(zé)
我動(dòng)作：感謝、回家、開(kāi)始打開(kāi)
她心理：看出來(lái)我的失望、不介意、微笑
她動(dòng)作：讓我回家打開(kāi)
l?一個(gè)人的場(chǎng)景比兩個(gè)人的場(chǎng)景好寫
Opening the package, I was totally astonished.
環(huán)境/事物：什么照片、為什么驚訝
動(dòng)作：握著禮物
心理：感動(dòng)、流淚、感激
主題：隨時(shí)間推移更加寶貴
第九次課
濰坊二模文章續(xù)寫
Joyce is in the fourth grade and he joined the noisy?children of his class as usual. “Children! Silence!” Mangat Madam suddenly entered the class. She announced next week would be math week. “I’d like each of you to work on a project. You could do it individually or in a group.” she instructed. “The topic for the project needs approving tomorrow and it has to be displayed at the math week exhibition. The best project will be awarded and there is also a surprise gift?from my side,” she added.
Joyce, who is extremely good?at math, sat in the corner seat of the first bench with Karan, an average. Karan asked Joyce if they could work on the math project together. Joyce replied in a prideful tone, “Ha-ha you want to join me. I think I will do the project on my own.” Joyce wanted to get awarded and the surprise gift all for himself from Mangat Madam.
After deep consideration, Joyce decided to work on a math magic quiz on the circuit board. The next day in school, Mangat Madam arrived in the classroom and all the children submitted their topics for math exhibition. They all chose to work in a group except Joyce. In the following days, Joyce gathered all the materials for the project such as wires, bulbs (燈泡), a switch and a thin plywood board (膠合板). He worked at a few mathematical basic operations to be fixed on the board so that when the wire of the circuit touched the right answer, the bulb glowed. Joyce completed the project and was happy with the result.
The evening before the exhibition, while packing his school bags, Joyce again checked the project to see if it was working fine. Alas! All the lights that?were to glow did not seem to light at all. Without finding the reason, Joyce was tensed. However, he decided to take the same project to the school as he couldn’t change the topic at the last minute. Then came the next day, and everybody was fascinated?in the exhibition.
It was Joyce’s turn to display his project.
展示失敗
Joyce?具體動(dòng)作、動(dòng)作結(jié)果；心理活動(dòng)
Classmates?反應(yīng)、尷尬的沉默、小聲議論
Teacher?推動(dòng)展示進(jìn)行、圓場(chǎng)
Karan’s team 出場(chǎng)、出色的完成
Finally, the teacher announced Karan’s team was the winner.
Classmates?反應(yīng)、鼓掌喝彩、祝賀
Karan?謙虛 不好意思
Joyce?認(rèn)識(shí)錯(cuò)誤、后悔、道歉
theme 團(tuán)隊(duì)合作的重要性 – surprise?gift
a?surprise gift：具體事物、抽象道理
鏡頭感：不同角色、不同方面交織進(jìn)行互動(dòng)方式
With butterflies in his stomach, Joyce turned on the switch. 人物動(dòng)作
The bulbs blinked for seconds and then didn’t light at all. 事物結(jié)果
The audience was in silence, for this was the first failed project displayed. 觀眾反應(yīng)
Joyce’s spirits sank, cheeks burning with ?embarrassment. 人物心理
In an attempt to ease the awkward atmosphere, Mangat Madam advised?him to wait until later and introduced the next team. 老師回應(yīng)
So Joyce had to step off the stage, down in the dump.
下臺(tái)
On the stage, Mangat Madam awarded everyone in Karan’s team with a champion cup. 老師頒獎(jiǎng)
All?the?team member swelled their chest while accepting the surprise?gift. 團(tuán)隊(duì)領(lǐng)獎(jiǎng)
After the exhibition, Joyce came up to Karan and apologized for his prideful attitude towards him that day. 道歉
To Joyce’s surprise, Karan seemed? quite? modest? and? credited all the success to his team. 謙虛
From that day on, Joyce learnt a lesson: Teamwork and modesty matter no matter how excellent one individual is. 主題
第十次課
大灣區(qū)聯(lián)考文章續(xù)寫
Bird Song
“Let it go!” Caroline yelled. Two boys were bending over a bird, as a third one held the poor creature roughly by its wings. “You’ll hurt it.” Caroline looked fearful for the bird.
“That’s the point.” The boys laughed. The tallest stood up and glared at Caroline. “Here, catch this!” He said as he sailed the now broken-winged bird at Caroline. The poor creature cried in pain, as its wings had been badly damaged. The boys ran off, laughing at their handy work.
Caroline bent down to carefully pick up the bird. The poor feathered?soul was wriggling (扭動(dòng)) about, with a fearful look in its eyes. “Don’t worry,”?Caroline whispered?softly. She took a handkerchief from her pocket and gently placed the bird on it.
Caroline walked as quickly as she could back to her house, careful not to shake the bird around too much. She found a shoe box, filled it with soft cotton balls and then laid the bird down in its new resting place.
“Let me get you some water and food. That’s the least I can do.”?She took a tiny saucer from the kitchen, filled it with water, and placed it in a corner of the box. She managed to find some sunflower seeds, as that was the only bird-friendly food she could think of. Caroline was worried. She didn’t want the bird to die. The poor bird was now fast asleep, no doubt tired out from its earlier suffering. “Please don’t die.”?Caroline whispered tearfully.
If there was anyone whom she could turn to, it would be Mr. Roberts. Mr. Roberts was working at the nature museum. He had bird feeders throughout his yard, and sometimes would drop in her science class at school. Caroline never knew there was so much information about birds, until hearing him speak. She figured he would know what to do.
Caroline called Mr. Roberts and hurriedly told him her tale.
Mr. Roberts?幫助她聯(lián)系了救援
Caroline?松了一口氣、擔(dān)憂、祈求
In the morning, the Blackwell Bird Rescue Society?called, informing a car would come to pick up the bird at 10 am.
從掛電話到10點(diǎn)之間，人物動(dòng)作/人物心理
10點(diǎn)的時(shí)候，有人來(lái)接走小鳥(niǎo)
結(jié)尾：接走之后立刻的情況
結(jié)尾：一段時(shí)間過(guò)后的情況
小男孩？絕對(duì)不能寫
鳥(niǎo)是活是死？必須活
能不能寫對(duì)話？盡量不寫
能不能寫?yīng)毎祝靠梢裕ù蠖伟l(fā)言、自言自語(yǔ)、心理）
Caroline called Mr. Roberts and hurriedly told him her tale. After acknowledging?her efforts, Mr. Roberts inquired?the bird’s condition and?offered?a solution.?“Don’t worry. I will contact the bird rescue. They can pick your little friend tomorrow morning. The bird is fortunate to meet you. I am sure she will make it and come back to life again.”?After hanging up, Caroline was greatly relieved. She checked the sleeping bird again and again, praying?it would survive the night.
praise?/ acknowledge / comfort
ask / inquire
suggest / advice / solve
In the morning, the Blackwell Bird Rescue Society called, informing a car would come to pick up the bird at 10 am. Caroline checked the bird again, who now opened its eyes and shivered in weakness.?“It’s time to say goodbye,” Caroline whispered. “Hopefully, these good people can help you get better, so you can fly away. My name is Caroline. I hope you don’t forget me.”?Around 10 o’clock, a friendly lady from the rescue visited her house and collected the bird. Days later, Caroline received a short video from Mr. Roberts, in which the bird was practicing its broken wings and singing songs lively. “You are welcome,” she smiled.
第十一次課
第一段
任務(wù)：Bill是否同意
我作出什么回應(yīng)
引出下文
?
同意：THE END（皆大歡喜.jpg）
不同意：由不同意到同意的轉(zhuǎn)變
?
? ? ? ? ? ?l? knocked on his door, sat down in his living room, and asked, "Can l adopt you as my grandpa?” Bill widened up his eyes and quickly a broad smile flashed across his face. He replied amusedly, “It's my pleasure，but you can only adopt someone younger when you grow up." 關(guān)注自己下意識(shí)忽略的點(diǎn)，把innocent的用詞特點(diǎn)作為一個(gè)“點(diǎn)”來(lái)特別寫出。委婉拒絕。我會(huì)尷尬。
? ? ? ? ? l sat there with my face flushing, for l realized l totally misunderstood the meaning the word "adopt". Seeing me dropped my head, Bill told me he finally decided to teach me how to drive his lawn tractor tomorrow. 無(wú)論如何這個(gè)引出下文的任務(wù)過(guò)渡很難自然。這里使用Seeing銜接。是化解尷尬的一部分。?
? ? ? ? ?This message cheered me up a bit. 小朋友想一出是一出，但也不能情感突轉(zhuǎn)
“乒乓球”：你一下我一下
?
第二段
The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow, l accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence. As l jumped off the tractor and checked it, it suddenly dawned on me that maybe I could "adopt” Bill in a new way. "You don't need to make the hole bigger," I said. "Without the fence, we can actually live together as one true family, and you will never feel lonely again."
開(kāi)始常見(jiàn)套路：
So moved was Bill that he wrapped me into his arms tightly, tears shining in his eyes. With the help of my parents, we cleared up all the fence.
結(jié)尾吧：
That was a day carved in my memory, as l finally “adopted” Bill as my grandpa, though without a certificate.
結(jié)尾沒(méi)有選擇未來(lái)什么的宏大的東西。小結(jié)尾的話不講道理什么的就注重呼應(yīng)！connection、certificate、hole …….
第十二次課
第十三次課
Twenty years ago, l drove a taxi. Once, l was called at 3 a.m. to pick someone up. When l arrived, the building was completely dark except for one light in a window. Often, many drivers would just honk (按喇叭) once or twice, wait a short minute, then drive away.
But unless a real danger, I always went to the door to find the passenger. It might be someone who needed my assistance. Would l not want a driver to do the same if my mother or father had called for a taxi?
So l walked to the door and knocked." Just a minute," answered a weak and elderly voice. l could hear the sound of something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80s stood before me. By her side was a small suitcase." Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. "I'd like a few moments alone. Then, if you could come back and help me? I'm not very strong."
l took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm, and we walked slowly toward the cab. She kept thanking me for my kindness. "It's nothing," l told her. "l just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated." "Oh, you're such a good boy," she said. When we got in the taxi, she gave me an address. Then she asked, "Could you drive through the downtown?"
"It's not the shortest way," I answered. "I don't mind," she said, "I'm in no hurry. 'm on my way to the nursing home." l saw her eyes shining with tears. "1don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says l am too old to live alone."
l quietly turned off the meter (計(jì)程器).“What road do you want me to take?" l asked. "First, take me to Sunrise Street. That's where l was born."
?
For hours, we drove through the city. ___________________________________
?
“How much do l owe you?" she asked, reaching for her purse. ?_____________
?
VERSION I
For hours, we drove through the city.
去的地點(diǎn)——老人的一生
童年生活的地方——美好的童年回憶
上學(xué)的地方結(jié)婚的地方——開(kāi)始幸福的二人生活
送別親人的地方——開(kāi)始感到孤單寂寞
結(jié)束游覽——開(kāi)到養(yǎng)老院
只要寫到兩到三個(gè)即可（為字?jǐn)?shù)），有些地方要經(jīng)過(guò)有些地方要停車有些地方要獨(dú)處一會(huì)兒。就是詳略有致
設(shè)計(jì)并列細(xì)節(jié)：1、數(shù)量控制在2~3個(gè)；2、考慮順序；考慮虛實(shí)詳略，虛去點(diǎn)綴實(shí)，先實(shí)再虛，實(shí)大于虛。
故事情節(jié)講述一定要有始有終、形成閉環(huán)。
故事情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)一定要考慮合理性、前后呼應(yīng)。
?
For hours, we drove through the city. Now and then, the old woman would ask me to slow down or pull up. After the short stop at her primary school, she showed me the building where she had once worked as an engineer. Then we drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they had first been married. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a park, where she had spent the best time with her daughter. Sometimes she would have me slow down in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. （虛實(shí)詳略與深意，留白技巧。）As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm ready. Let's go now." We drove in silence to the nursing home. As we pulled up, two nurses were waiting for us. They helped her into a wheelchair.
?
?
?
?
“How much do l owe you?" she asked, reaching for her purse.
我的回應(yīng)——不要錢
解釋不解釋原因？都可。老人不需要感到意外。道謝。退場(chǎng)。
結(jié)尾：我的心理、評(píng)價(jià)，我收獲了什么
?
我：更多寫心理
老人：更多寫動(dòng)作
?
“Nothing," l said. Without thinking, l leaned down and gave her a hug. She hugged me tightly. “You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. “Thank you." l squeezed her hand and then walked back to my taxi. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. l believe l have never done anything more important in my life. We usually think that our lives are defined by great moments. But l now realize that great moments catch us by surprise, because they often seem quite small.
?
VERSION II
不選擇寫并列細(xì)節(jié)：
For hours, we drove through the city. She showed me her primary school and shared with me some funny stories of her school days and friends. Then she asked me to pull up near a peaceful square, where, as she told me in a gentle voice, she first met her husband. She sat on the back seat still, gazing at the square through a mist of tears for a moment, and then signaled me to move on. All the way, l just listened attentively as if l was a loyal audience to my mother who used to call up her good old days. （呼應(yīng)）After what seemed like a magical journey back to the past, we eventually arrived at the gate of the nursing home at dawn.
?
“Nothing," l said quickly, shrugging with a light laugh, winking at the meter. As if she couldn't believe what l said, she looked at me with wide-open eyes. Then her shock slowly gave way to grateful understanding." Oh, you're such a good boy! Thank you." She held my hand tightly. “l(fā) just try to treat you the way l would want my mother treated," l responded softly. “And thank you for sharing with me your best memories of this city.” Then l bent over and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. A sudden warmth and happiness hit me like a balmy breeze gently wiping my face. And l knew it was the grace of kindness. (257 words)（把很多東西攤到明面上說(shuō)，不怎么深意）
和文章有關(guān)嗎為什么要微風(fēng)為什么又要kindness？過(guò)于迷信正能量。改：
sudden sorrow and sadness hit me like a wuthering north wind piercing through my heart. And l knew it was the power of memory.
感覺(jué)這個(gè)范兒與文章基調(diào)更符合。
