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AT NIGHT THE RABBITS emerged from the bushes. Grey and shaggy, as if they had just fought a battle deep among the pine trees. It didn’t take long before a falcon hovered silently in the sky, stretched its wings against the wind and waited for the opportunity to dive down towards its victims.

夜幕降臨，兔子們從灌木叢中鉆出來。它們灰色而蓬松，仿佛剛剛在松樹林深處進行過一場戰(zhàn)斗。不久，一只獵鷹在天空中靜悄悄地盤旋，伸展著翅膀迎著風伺機俯沖向它的獵物。

He saw so much from up here.

自上方，他看到了如此之多。

The scent of onions and rosemary rose through the air – the chef must have begun to prepare the evening’s meal – and mingled with a whiff of the lemon trees standing down in the grove.

洋蔥和迷迭香的香味彌漫在空氣中——廚師肯定已經(jīng)開始準備晚餐了——與橄欖林中的檸檬樹散發(fā)的清香混合在一起。

From the sprinkler came a quiet hiss, slowly showering the palm lilies by the pool.

噴頭里傳來輕微的嘶嘶聲，緩緩地淋濕了游泳池邊的棕櫚百合。

It had been three weeks and Tim Bergling had started taking in his surroundings again. He was sitting on the roof of the rehab clinic, in a deckchair that the care staff had helped him to hoist up on to the red tiles. Through the haze out in the Mediterranean, he could make out the island in the distance, the one that people went to by ferry to snorkel and forget their hangover for a while before they downed the first pills of the night and started all over again.

三周過去了，Tim Bergling開始重新感受周圍的環(huán)境。他坐在康復診所的屋頂上，躺在護理工作人員幫助他升上紅瓦的躺椅上。透過地中海的霧氣，他可以看到遠處的島嶼，人們乘渡輪去浮潛，暫時忘記宿醉，然后在晚上吞下第一顆藥丸，重新開始。

But now autumn had arrived. The partying tourists had flown home. Privilege, Space and Pacha had closed for the season. Even the crickets had begun to go quiet.

但是現(xiàn)在秋天來了?？駳g的游客們已經(jīng)回家了。Privilege、Space和Pacha也在這個季節(jié)停業(yè)。連蟋蟀的聲音也開始變得安靜了。

The summer of 2015 had flashed by in a single dark daze; he realised that now. He had been sitting in the white villa on the southern tip of Ibiza, stressed over the songs that were not mixed heavily enough and the fact that the record label wanted him to go to London to do interviews.

2015年的夏天在黑暗的茫然中飛逝而過，他現(xiàn)在意識到了這一點。他當時坐在伊比薩島南端的白色別墅里，為那些沒有混音得足夠重的歌曲感到壓力，同時唱片公司還想讓他去倫敦接受采訪。

Stories was planned as the follow-up to the first album, which two years earlier had transformed Tim Bergling from a successful DJ in the clubs to a global pop phenomenon. The record had been delayed one year and Tim was having trouble focusing.

《Stories》原本計劃作為首張專輯的續(xù)集，兩年前的首張專輯讓Tim Bergling從一個成功的夜店DJ變成了全球流行音樂現(xiàn)象。這張唱片被推遲了一年，Tim感到難以集中精力。

It had been a while since his body functioned like it was supposed to. And in the last year, after the surgery at the hospital, he had felt something new beginning to grow in his stomach. Tim had become obsessed with that lump. The more he thought about it, the clearer he felt it. Like a tumour that thrived inside him. And while that unknown thing had got bigger, he had played at summer festivals all around Europe and had sold out Ushua?a, Ibiza’s most prominent house music club, every Sunday.

他的身體已經(jīng)有一段時間沒有正常運轉(zhuǎn)了。在去年接受醫(yī)院手術(shù)后，他感覺自己的胃部開始生長一個新的東西。Tim對那個腫塊異常著迷。他越是想，就越是感覺到它的存在。就像是一種在他體內(nèi)滋生的腫瘤。而當這個未知的東西越來越大時，他卻在歐洲各地的夏季音樂節(jié)上演出，并在每周日將伊比薩島最著名的電子音樂俱樂部——烏蘇艾亞的門票售空。

When he woke up in the afternoon after the last gig of the season, he had been convinced that he would fly home to Los Angeles. Instead, they all sat together downstairs in the house. His father Klas was there, his manager Arash had flown in from Stockholm, as well as his older brother David. The tour manager, the bodyguard. And the bros, of course: the childhood friends who for the last year had followed him wherever he went.

當他在這一季度的最后一場演出之后下午醒來時，他確信自己會飛回洛杉磯的家。然而，其他人都一起坐在樓下的房子里。他的父親Klas在那里，他的經(jīng)理Arash從斯德哥爾摩飛來，還有他的哥哥David。巡演經(jīng)理，保鏢。當然還有他的兄弟們：過去一年里無論他走到哪里，這些兒時的朋友都跟著他

They had expressed how worried they were. How tired they were of lying when they got the question every day of what it was like to work for Avicii. They had cried, been devastated.

他們表達了他們有擔心。每天當他們被問到與Avicii共事的感受時，他們已經(jīng)厭倦了撒謊。他們哭泣，心如死灰。

Tim had eventually agreed to go to the rehab clinic, mostly to stop them nagging about how he had become unreliable and careless.

最終，Tim同意去康復診所，主要是為了讓他們別再嘮叨他如何變得不可靠和粗心。

The first days, during the initial detox, he had mostly slept. But then the treatment director Paul Tanner had advised him to start writing.

最初幾天，在戒毒的初期，他大多數(shù)時間都在睡覺。但隨后治療主任保羅·坦納建議他開始寫作。

My first memory is taking a bath with my mother or when she sings me a lullaby, or my father coming in and turning around the old cassette tapes with various children’s stories on them from the A to the B side while I’m trying to sleep.

我最早的記憶是和母親一起洗澡，或者是她唱搖籃曲給我聽，還有我父親進來，把各種兒童故事錄音帶從A面翻到B面，而我正在努力入睡。

The words had come to him with sharp edges. He had lived in the soft deception of anaesthesia for so long that it was at first hard to write. But he understood the point: putting the experiences into words made them easier to talk about, helped him to see the life that had led him to this place in September 2015.

這些話語對他來說是尖銳的。他在麻醉的柔軟欺騙之中生活了太久，起初是很難寫的。但他明白這一點：將經(jīng)歷轉(zhuǎn)化為文字，有助于更容易地談論它們，幫助他看清自己的生活，看清自己在2015年9月來到這個地方的原因。

So when the sentences came, he naturally had trouble stopping them. Instead of sleeping, he sat at the computer and wrote himself through the nights. He told about his childhood, about his siblings, about how he discovered music and how his career gained speed. He wrote about the complicated relationship with his manager Arash and the time spent with his girlfriends Emily and Racquel.

于是，這些句子自然而然地涌來，他很難停下來。他沒有睡覺，而是坐在電腦前整夜地寫作。他講述了自己的童年，他的兄弟姐妹，他是如何發(fā)現(xiàn)音樂并迅速崛起的。他寫了他和經(jīng)紀人Arash之間復雜的關(guān)系，以及與女友Emily和Racquel度過的時光。

The afternoons were devoted to long conversations with the treatment director. They discussed concepts like coping mechanisms and suppression. Tim analysed the new information systematically, as he always did.

下午的時間都用來和治療主任進行長時間的談話。他們討論了應對機制和壓抑等概念。Tim像往常一樣系統(tǒng)地分析了這些新信息。

He now realised how much he had pushed away. He had forced himself forward for so long that it had become the norm.

他現(xiàn)在意識到自己推開了多少東西。他強迫自己前進了這么長時間，以至于這已經(jīng)成為了常態(tài)。

Suddenly he saw things in a totally new light. Even the difficult feelings that he really didn’t want to have, that he had wrestled with ever since his childhood – nervousness, anxiety, fear – maybe even they had a purpose. He began thinking of them like a compass, an instrument that could help him point out a new direction.

突然間，他以全新的視角看待事物。即使那些他真的不想擁有，自童年以來一直與之抗爭的的困難情緒——緊張、焦慮、恐懼——也許它們也有一定的目的。他開始將它們看作指南針，一個可以幫助他指出新方向的工具。

The emotion itself can be positive or negative in energy, but no emotion’s purpose is negative.

情緒本身可以帶來積極或消極的能量，但沒有一種情緒的目的是消極的。

For so long he had gone past his limits, lived in pain. The physical from his stomach, but also the psychological. He had not only hit a wall, he had crashed through it, several times over. He had been on the brink of death, that’s how it really felt.

這么久以來，他已經(jīng)超越了自己的極限，一直痛苦地生活著。不僅是身體上的痛苦，還有心理上的。他不僅撞上了一堵墻，而是一次次地沖破了它。他曾經(jīng)瀕臨死亡，那才是真正的感受。

He wished that he had listened sooner.

他希望自己早點聽取建議。

THIS STORY BUILDS upon hundreds of interviews and countless hours of conversation with those who knew and worked with Tim Bergling. Through his family I’ve received access to mobile phone notes, conversations, drawings, photos and reading tablets full of the books Tim ploughed through with ever-growing intensity. I’ve been able to see video recordings, professional as well as private, and have gained insight into how Tim structured his songs in the software program he composed with.

這個故事是基于對與Tim Bergling相識和共事的人們進行的數(shù)百次采訪和無數(shù)個小時的交談。通過他的家人，我有權(quán)限查看手機筆記、對話、繪畫、照片和平板（里面裝滿了Tim以不斷增長的強度閱讀的書籍）。我能可以觀看視頻錄像，無論是專業(yè)的還是私人的，并且深入了解Tim如何用他創(chuàng)作歌曲的軟件構(gòu)建歌曲。

I have visited clubs in Ibiza and in Miami, his former homes in Stockholm and Los Angeles, had conversations during road trips through the desert in Las Vegas, at house festivals in Amsterdam, over tea and cakes in London and salmon and potatoes in Skillinge in the south of Sweden. To the greatest extent possible, I’ve tried to capture Tim’s perspective on an often dense jumble of events and happenings. An invaluable source for this has been the over forty thousand emails that Tim received and sent over a ten-year period. There have also been personal notes, discussions on internet forums, as well as conversations over text, Messenger and WhatsApp to lean on.

我曾經(jīng)去過伊比薩島和邁阿密的俱樂部，他曾經(jīng)生活過的斯德哥爾摩和洛杉磯，我們在拉斯維加斯沙漠中的公路旅行中交談，在阿姆斯特丹的戶外音樂節(jié)上，也在倫敦的茶座、瑞典南部斯基林厄的鮭魚土豆餐中交談。盡可能地，我試圖捕捉Tim對于這些錯綜復雜的事件和意外的看法。這其中一個非常寶貴的信息來源是Tim在十年時間里接收和發(fā)送的四萬多封電子郵件。此外，還有個人筆記、互聯(lián)網(wǎng)論壇上的討論，以及通過短信、Messenger和WhatsApp 進行的交談。

When Tim himself typed he often did so on American keyboards where Swedish letters were missing – for the sake of readability, this has been corrected. In occasional cases spelling errors have been rectified and punctuation smoothed out, but with the original meaning maintained.

Tim打字時通常使用美式鍵盤，其中缺少瑞典字母 - 為了便于閱讀已經(jīng)被糾正。偶然的拼寫錯誤已糾正，標點符號已平滑，但原始含義被保留。

*

Tim Bergling celebrated his biggest successes as an artist during a time when mental health issues sharply increased among young people in large parts of the world. The reasons are many and complex, but that the figures have soared is measurable and indisputable. In Sweden mental health problems among young adults has risen by 70 per cent since 2006. The number of stress-related diagnoses only keep adding up: sleep deprivation, restlessness, depression, anxiety. The number of suicides in this age group is also rising in a concerning way – in many of the world’s affluent nations, suicide is one of the most common causes of death of people under thirty years old. In Sweden the number of young people who end their lives has steadily increased since the turn of the millennium; in the US the numbers have soared in the last ten years. According to the World Health Organization, there are more people who take their own lives than who die of stomach cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, breast cancer and Alzheimer’s. Suicide kills more people than war, assault, terrorism and domestic violence combined.

Tim Bergling作為一位藝術(shù)家取得了巨大的成功，而與此同時，世界上許多地區(qū)的年輕人的心理健康問題急劇增加。原因很多、很復雜，但是這些數(shù)字的激增是可以衡量和不可爭議的。在瑞典，自2006年以來，年輕成年人的心理健康問題已經(jīng)上升了70%。與此同時，與壓力有關(guān)的診斷數(shù)量不斷增加：睡眠剝奪、不安、抑郁、焦慮。在這個年齡組中自殺的人數(shù)也在以令人擔憂的方式上升——在許多發(fā)達國家，自殺是30歲以下人口最常見的死因之一。在瑞典，自千年之交以來結(jié)束自己生命的年輕人數(shù)量不斷增加；在美國，這些數(shù)字在過去的十年中飆升。根據(jù)世界衛(wèi)生組織的數(shù)據(jù)，自殺的人數(shù)超過了死于胃癌、肝硬化、乳腺癌和阿爾茨海默氏癥的人數(shù)。自殺導致的死亡人數(shù)超過了戰(zhàn)爭、襲擊、恐怖主義和家庭暴力死亡人數(shù)的總和。

Behind a suicide lies almost always some form of mental disorder such as depression or anxiety. These are still topics surrounded by shame and silence. It can easily feel overwhelming to talk to someone who is feeling unwell. The worry of saying something clumsy, and thus perhaps even worsening the situation, can hinder the conversation. But research shows that those fears are unfounded: you do not need to have nice and perfect answers. The most important thing is to dare to ask, and be prepared to listen to the answer. It is through conversation, not silence, that we can save lives.

自殺背后總是隱藏著某種精神障礙，如抑郁或焦慮。這些仍然是被羞恥和沉默所包圍的話題。與感到不適的人交談很容易讓人感到不知所措。擔心說錯話，進而可能使情況惡化，并阻礙交流。但是研究表明，這些擔憂是沒有根據(jù)的：你不需要擁有精密和完美的回答。敢于詢問是最重要的，同時準備好傾聽答案。正是通過對話，而不是沉默，我們才能挽救生命。

There are certain limitations when one writes about famous people who have taken their own lives. To avoid the risk that the depiction of such events triggers similar actions, one should avoid describing in detail both the physical location and the act itself. What is important in this story is not the specific details that surrounded Tim’s final hours, but what led to them and what we can potentially learn from his passing.

在寫關(guān)于自殺名人的內(nèi)容時，存在著一定的限制。為了避免描述相關(guān)事件引發(fā)類似行為，應避免詳細描述自殺的具體地點和方式。在這個故事中，重要的不是圍繞Tim最后幾個小時發(fā)生的具體細節(jié)，而是導致這些細節(jié)發(fā)生的原因以及我們可以從他的離世中學到什么。

If you feel that your situation seems unbearable or if you have active plans to take your own life, you should immediately call the emergency services.

如果你覺得自己的處境似乎無法忍受，或者你有自殺的計劃，你應該立即撥打緊急服務電話。

If you’ve had thoughts of hurting yourself, or if you think someone close to you needs support, there is always help available. You can speak with someone you can confide in, or call one of these support lines:

如果您曾經(jīng)有過自傷的想法，或者您認為身邊的某個人需要支持，您一直可以得到幫助。您可以與可以信賴的人談話，或者撥打以下幫助熱線：

UK:

Mind (mind.org.uk)

The Samaritans (Samaritans.org)

US:

National Alliance on Mental Illness (Nami.org)

Australia:

Sane Australia (sane.org)

New Zealand:

Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand (mentalhealth.org.nz)

(mentalhealth.org.nz)

South Africa:

SA Federation for Mental Health (safmh.org)