原文鏈接：https://www.theplayerstribune.com/posts/aaron-ramsdale-premier-league-arsenal-soccer-england

These articles are supposed to start with a good story, right? Something funny, maybe. I remember English class. Gotta start with a bang and all that.

（通常來說）這種文章應(yīng)該以一個(gè)好故事開始，對吧？也許有什么有趣的事情。我記得英語課（上是這么說的）。必須從一聲巨響開始。

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Well, I’m afraid we’ve got a little problem here.

好吧，恐怕我們這里遇到了一個(gè)小問題。

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When I think back on joining Arsenal, I don’t have the same stories as the other lads. I’ve seen players saying, “Oh yeah, Wenger rang me up.” Or talking about fans showing up outside their house singing their names.

當(dāng)我回想起加入阿森納時(shí)，我并沒有和其他小伙子一樣的故事。我見過之前的球員們會(huì)說：“哦，是的，溫格給我打電話了?！被蛘哒?wù)摮霈F(xiàn)在他們家門外的粉絲唱著他們的名字。

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But my story? Honestly? When the news came out, the only thing I can remember is the entire world telling me that I was absolute sh*t.

但我的故事呢？要開誠布公地說？（那就是）當(dāng)消息傳出時(shí)，我唯一記得的是整個(gè)世界都告訴我我絕對就是依托答辯。

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It all started out so good, too. I had been called up by England for their pre-training camp before the Euros. It felt amazing to be a part of the build-up that summer. While I was there, my agent told me that Arsenal had “shown some interest” in me. In football nowadays, you never know what that means. I tried not to get too excited.

一切的開始也是如此美好。我被英格蘭隊(duì)征召參加歐洲杯前的訓(xùn)練營。那年夏天成為球隊(duì)的一部分讓我感覺很棒。當(dāng)我在那里時(shí)，我的經(jīng)紀(jì)人告訴我阿森納對我“表現(xiàn)出了一些興趣”。在當(dāng)今的足球界，你永遠(yuǎn)不知道這意味著什么。我努力讓自己不要太興奮。

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I said, “Interest. What’s that mean?”

He said, “I don’t know. There’s interest.”

“So they want to sign me?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. There’s interest.”

我說：“對我‘有興趣’，那是什么意思？”

他說：“我不知道。 他們對你‘有興趣’?！?/p>

“所以他們想簽我？”

“可能會(huì)?？赡懿粫?huì)。他們對你‘有興趣’?！?/p>

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So the next day, I ran into Bukayo Saka getting a coffee, and I didn’t know him that well yet, so I thought, “Surely I can’t ask him, right?”

所以第二天，我在喝咖啡時(shí)遇到了薩卡，我當(dāng)時(shí)和他還不熟，所以我想，“我當(dāng)然不能直接問他，對吧？”

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I mean, what am I supposed to say?

我在想，我應(yīng)該怎么（向薩卡）說？

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“Morning, Bukayo. How you getting on? Erm. Would you happen to know if your football club is interested in me?”

“早上好，布卡約。 你過得怎么樣？ 嗯，你或許大概可能知道你的俱樂部是否對我感興趣嗎？”

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Ridiculous.

簡直荒謬。

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So yeah, that’s exactly what I did.

但我當(dāng)時(shí)真的就這么問的。

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He told me that it was real, and that the manager had actually rang him to ask about my character and what I was like as a person. I guess Bukayo must have told him that I was a decent lad, because I got a call from my agent a few days later that the transfer was happening.

他告訴我這是真的，教練實(shí)際上打電話給他詢問我的性格以及我的為人。我想薩卡一定告訴阿特塔我是一個(gè)正派的小伙子，因?yàn)閹滋旌笪医拥浇?jīng)紀(jì)人的電話，說轉(zhuǎn)會(huì)正在進(jìn)行。

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Unreal. Arsenal Football Club. One of the best days of my life. My mates are all texting me. You legend. You legend. Family is over the moon. How can it get any better?

這不可能是真的。阿森納足球俱樂部。我一生中最美好的日子之一。我的朋友們都給我發(fā)短信。你就是傳奇。你就是傳奇。家人欣喜若狂。不會(huì)有比這再好的了。

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Then I come back from training, and I go to pick up my phone, and it’s hot. Like, really hot. And I see about 100 notifications. That little bird. Ping, ping, ping. I’m like, “What’s happening?” Instagram. Ping, ping, ping. I’m used to maybe 15 or 20 notifications a day back then. (And three are from my mum.) Ping, ping, ping. I go to my Twitter, and I see that the news has leaked, and I am getting absolutely roasted.

然后我訓(xùn)練回來，我去拿起手機(jī)，發(fā)現(xiàn)手機(jī)很熱?！爸耸挚蔁帷保ㄥe(cuò)誤用法）。我看到大約100條通知。那只小鳥（指推特）。 滴，滴，滴。 我想，“發(fā)生了什么事？” Instagram。 滴，滴，滴。過去我可能每天只收到 15 或 20 條通知。（其中三條還是來自我媽。）滴，滴，滴。我打開推特，發(fā)現(xiàn)轉(zhuǎn)會(huì)消息已經(jīng)泄露，而我徹底被“烤熟了”（指被群嘲）。

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@AaronRamsdale98 DO NOT COME HERE. U ARE (SH*T EMOJI).

2 RELEGATIONS? HORRIBLE SIGNING.

￡24 million??? WANKER.

@AaronRamsdale98 不！要！來！這！里！ 你！就！是！依！托?。⊿H*T 表情符號）！

降！班！兩！次?。ǖ拈T將）？ 什！么！逼！玩！意！

2400萬英鎊？？？ 廢！物！

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Then there would be a really nice one, like:

Welcome to North London, Aaron! ??

當(dāng)然也有一些非常友善的，比如：

歡迎來到北倫敦，阿龍！ ??

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Ping, ping, ping.

WANKER. WANKER. WANKER.

滴，滴，滴。

廢！物！廢！物！廢！物！

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After the initial shock, I’m thinking: OK, fair enough. It’s my fault for having my notifications on. This is just modern football. Social media is toxic. Just a few trolls, right? No worries.

在最初的震驚之后，我在想：好吧，行吧。打開私信是我的錯(cuò)。這就是現(xiàn)代足球。社交媒體是有毒的。只是幾個(gè)鍵盤俠，對吧？不用擔(dān)心。（自語）

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I go to my room and turn on the TV. Football is the only way I know how to relax. I’m mad. You can ask my wife. I’m basically a football fan who happens to play football. If I’m in the car, it’s football podcasts. If I’m at home and Georgina is watching her shows, I’m on the iPad on the couch next to her watching whatever match is on Sky.

我走進(jìn)自己的房間，打開電視。足球是我知道如何放松的唯一方式。當(dāng)時(shí)我瘋了。你可以問我老婆。 我本質(zhì)上是一個(gè)剛好會(huì)踢足球的足球迷。如果我在車?yán)铮蔷褪亲闱虿タ?。如果我在家，喬治娜正在看她的電視?jié)目，我就會(huì)在她旁邊沙發(fā)上的 iPad 上觀看天空體育上播放的任何足球比賽。

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So I flick on Sky Sports News, and you know when the ex-players and pundits are all sitting around on Sky, shaking their heads, and they got a lad’s picture up? Well it’s my face up there, and the pundits are not thrilled.

所以我打開天空體育新聞，當(dāng)時(shí)那些退役球員和專家都坐在天空體育的演播室里，搖頭，他們放了一個(gè)小伙子的照片？好吧，這是我的臉，專家們并不興奮。

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“Poor signing. Not good enough for Arsenal.”

“Too much money. I don’t like it.”

“Two relegations?? ￡24 million? WANKER.”

“可悲的簽約。 對于阿森納來說還不夠好。”

“太貴了。 我不會(huì)喜歡（這筆交易）。”

“降班兩次的門將？ 2400萬英鎊？廢！物！?！?/p>

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No, the last one is a joke. But that was the general tone of the conversation. They were not exactly my biggest fans. It’s an interesting experience watching legends you grew up idolising saying that you’re rubbish in front of the entire country. That really affected me. It brought me back down to earth from cloud nine in a matter of hours.

不，最后一句只是玩笑。但這就是他們說的話的總體基調(diào)。他們并不是我的支持者?？粗銖男〕绨莸膫髌嫒宋镌谡麄€(gè)國家面前說你是垃圾，這是一種有趣的經(jīng)歷。這確實(shí)影響了我。它在幾個(gè)小時(shí)內(nèi)讓我從狂喜回到了現(xiàn)實(shí)。

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I turned off the TV. Turned off all my social media notifications.

我關(guān)掉了電視。關(guān)閉我所有的社交媒體私信。

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Thankfully, after the Euros, things settled down a bit. I was getting really excited to join the club of my dreams and start the whole experience.

值得慶幸的是，歐洲杯之后，事態(tài)稍微穩(wěn)定下來。我非常興奮能夠加入我夢寐以求的俱樂部并開始這段旅程。

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Arsenal. Incredible. Forget the chatter. Forget the trolls. Let’s celebrate.

阿森納。極好的。忘記那些嘴碎的人。忘記那些鍵盤俠。來慶祝一下吧。

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Called up my mates. Legends. They’ll never let me down, right? Never.

打電話給我的伙伴們?！皞髌妗薄Ｋ麄冇肋h(yuǎn)不會(huì)讓我失望，對吧？絕不。

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My mates come around the house, and the first thing out of their mouths….

我的朋友們來到我家，他們嘴里說的第一句話就是……

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“Woofffff, you see what people are saying about you?”

“No! I don’t want to know!”

“Mate, some of the memes are pretty funny. Look.”

Oh God.

“噢噢噢噢，你知道人們是怎么評價(jià)你的嗎？”

“不！ 我不想知道！”

“伙計(jì)，有些表情包非常生草?？?。”

天啊。

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You know, they say you’ve got to be a bit crazy to want to be a keeper. But in my family, I’m the normal one.

你知道，他們說你必須有點(diǎn)瘋狂才能成為一名守門員。 但在我的家庭里，我卻是普通的那位。

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My eldest brother Edward is a prison guard. My middle brother Oliver is a performer in the West End. My dad, he’s a proper old-school character. He don’t like none of this fancy European football with the ball at the keeper’s feet. No, no, no. He kept saying he was gonna ring up Mr. Arteta and tell him: HOOF IT UP TO THE NUMBER 9, SON.

我的大哥愛德華是一名獄警。我的二哥奧利弗是西區(qū)的一名藝人。我的父親，他是一個(gè)十足的老派人物。他不喜歡這種球在守門員腳下的華麗歐洲足球。不不不。他一直說他要給阿爾特塔打電話并告訴他：孩子，（讓門將）一個(gè)大腳找到中鋒頭頂。

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That’s my dad.

這就是我爸。

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My mum, she’s the worrier. If my brother — the prison guard, mind you — is out at the pub with his mates, she’ll stay up until he texts her that he’s home safe. He’s 32 years old. Still gotta text: “Yes mum, home in bed, luv you x.”

我的媽媽，她總是擔(dān)心這擔(dān)心那。 如果我哥（再提醒一次，他是獄警）和他的伙伴們一起去酒吧，她會(huì)一直等到直到哥哥發(fā)短信告訴她他安全到家了。他今年 32 歲。還是得發(fā)短信：“是的，媽媽，回到家睡下了，愛你。”

I’m the youngest, and I’m probably the least interesting of the lot. Whenever people tell me it’s brave what I’ve done, pursuing this football dream, I just laugh. Oliver is the real superstar of the family. He’s the brave one. Three weeks before he was supposed to leave for uni in Bedford, he told my parents that he had a change of heart. He didn’t want to become a PE teacher. He wanted to chase his real dream and go to drama school. So he literally packed up everything and went to London to pursue a totally different life.

我是最小的，也可能是這群人中最無趣的。每當(dāng)人們告訴我，我為追求足球夢想所做的事情是勇敢的，我只是笑笑。奧利弗是這個(gè)家族真正的超級巨星。他是最勇敢的一個(gè)。在他本應(yīng)前往貝德福德上大學(xué)的三周前，他告訴我的父母他改變了主意。 他不想成為一名體育老師。 他想追逐自己真正的夢想，去戲劇學(xué)校。于是他收拾好一切，前往倫敦追求完全不同的生活。

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But that’s not the bravest thing he’s done. That’s not why I admire him. My brother is gay, and he’s lived his life in an open and authentic way since he went off to school. I’m so proud to say he’s my brother. I haven’t talked about it before, but with everything going on in football right now, I thought it was important to mention. Oliver is a lot like me, in many ways. He’s a regular bloke. Loves football. Loves knocking about with his mates. Loves the Gunners. He’s proud of me, and I’m really proud of him.

但這還不是他做過的最勇敢的事情。這不是我欽佩他的原因。我哥哥是同性戀，自從他上學(xué)以來，他就以一種開放而真實(shí)的方式生活。我很自豪地說他是我的兄弟。我以前沒有談過這個(gè)問題，但鑒于目前足球界正在發(fā)生的一切，我認(rèn)為有必要提及一下。奧利弗在很多方面都很像我。他是一個(gè)普通人。熱愛足球。喜歡和伙伴們一起閑逛。喜歡槍手。他為我感到驕傲，我也為他感到驕傲。

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Over the years, I’ve probably bit my tongue a few too many times — both in dressing rooms and on social media — whenever I hear homophobic comments or stupid things being said. And I think maybe my brother has done the same, thinking it would make my life easier.

多年來，每當(dāng)我聽到恐同言論或愚蠢的言論時(shí)，無論是在更衣室還是在社交媒體上，我可能咬自己的舌頭（保持緘默）太多次了。我想也許我哥哥也做了同樣的事，（我們當(dāng)時(shí)）認(rèn)為這會(huì)讓生活更容易一些。

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Well, all that ends today.

但一切都不再是這樣。

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It’s not the easiest thing to be open like this, but there’s never a “right time.” I’ve been working on this story since the start of the summer, and my family has given me their blessing.

開誠布公并不是最容易的事情，但從來沒有“成熟時(shí)機(jī)”。從今年夏天開始，我就一直在寫這個(gè)故事，我的家人也給予了我祝福。

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If I’m telling my story, I’m telling it proper.

如果我要講我的故事，那么我講的就要是真的。

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When I signed for Arsenal, I could handle all the stuff that was said about me personally. But a few of the comments involved my family, and they totally crossed the line.

當(dāng)我加盟阿森納時(shí)，我可以處理所有關(guān)于我個(gè)人的言論。但有些評論涉及我的家人，這就絕對越界了。

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As a keeper, I’ve heard it all. You can say almost anything about me, and I’ll have a laugh. I might even turn around and say something right back to you. But when it crosses a certain line into homophobia or hate, it’s simply wrong.

作為一個(gè)守門員，我再壞的話都聽過（因?yàn)橘悎錾鲜亻T員的位置最靠近球迷）。你幾乎可以談?wù)撐业娜魏问虑?，我都?huì)一笑而過。我甚至可能會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)身對你說些什么。但當(dāng)它越界變成恐同或仇恨時(shí)，那就完全錯(cuò)誤了。

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I can already hear the comments.

我甚至都已經(jīng)可以聽到（這封信底下的）評論了。

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“Oh shut up, Ramsdale. Stick to football, lad.”

“噢，閉嘴，拉姆斯代爾。專注在足球上吧，伙計(jì)。”

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But this is about football. Football is for everyone. If you disagree, maybe you’re the one who needs to shut up and look in the mirror.

但這就是關(guān)于足球的。足球?qū)儆谒腥?。如果你不同意，也許你才是那個(gè)需要閉嘴并照照鏡子的人。

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And listen, there was plenty to give me stick about without crossing the line. I’m a football fan like anyone else. If my club had signed me, I’d have probably been skeptical, too. Up until Arsenal, my entire life has basically been one long series of knockbacks.

聽著，有很多方式可以在罵我的同時(shí)不越界。我和其他人一樣是一名足球迷。如果我的俱樂部簽下了我（這樣的球員），我可能也會(huì)持懷疑態(tài)度。在阿森納之前，我的一生基本上就是一連串的失敗。

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I’ll be the first to tell you how many times I’ve failed.

讓我來告訴你我之前經(jīng)歷了多少失敗。

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When I was 15 years old, I was released by Bolton because I couldn’t even fill the shirt. I was so small that I looked like I was wearing my dad’s kit. I went around to five or six other clubs in the area, and every single one rejected me.

當(dāng)我15歲的時(shí)候，我被博爾頓放棄了，因?yàn)槲疫B球衣都撐不起。 我太瘦小了，看起來就像穿著我爸爸的裝備。我去了其他五六個(gè)俱樂部，每一個(gè)俱樂部都拒絕了我。

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It was so embarrassing. All I ever talked about in school was football, and how I was going to be a keeper. I had this amazing English teacher named Mr. Kerr, and he always used to let me relate every single topic in class to football. He’d let me rattle on about West Brom or Chelsea for 10 minutes, and somehow relate it back to what we were learning. When I got released, I was crushed, because it was such a big part of my identity at school. He could see I wasn’t talking anymore. I was so humiliated that I didn’t even want to tell my mates.

太尷尬了。我在學(xué)校只談?wù)撟闱?，以及我將如何成為一名守門員。我有一位很棒的英語老師，克爾先生，他總是讓我將課堂上的每個(gè)主題與足球聯(lián)系起來。他會(huì)允許我滔滔不絕地談?wù)撐鞑祭驶蚯袪栁?10 分鐘，并以某種方式將其與我們正在學(xué)習(xí)的內(nèi)容聯(lián)系起來。當(dāng)我被放棄時(shí)，我感到很沮喪，因?yàn)檫@是我在學(xué)校身份的重要組成部分。他看得出我不再說話了。我感覺被凌辱了，我甚至不想告訴我的朋友。

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In my head, the dream was over.

在我的腦海里，夢想破滅了。

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Mr. Kerr pulled me aside one day after class and asked what was wrong. I told him. And I just remember him saying, so genuinely, “Well, how many clubs are there in the country? Must be 80-odd, no? You’ll find one. Don’t give up. Never give up on your dream.”

一天下課后，克爾先生把我拉到一邊，問我出了什么事。我告訴他（我被博爾頓放棄了）。我只記得他如此真誠地說：“這個(gè)國家有多少家球隊(duì)？應(yīng)該有80多個(gè)吧？ 你（一定）會(huì)找到（需要你的球隊(duì)的）。不要放棄。永遠(yuǎn)不要放棄你的夢想?！?/p>

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A few weeks later, Sheffield United let me join their academy. I wish I could say they recruited me. But it was more like they let me.

幾周后，謝菲爾德聯(lián)容許我加入他們的青訓(xùn)營。我希望我能說他們“招募”了我。 但這更像是他們“容許”我這么做的。

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Four years later, I started my first real professional game for Chesterfield. Playing away at Accrington Stanley. Middle of January. Pitch was a mud bath, at least in my memory. In the second half, I let in one of the worst own goals you’ll ever see. We’re down 3–0, and I’ve got the entire ground singing to me, “It’s all your fault! It’s all your fault! It’s all your fault!”

四年后，我為切斯特菲爾德開始了我的第一場真正的職業(yè)比賽。客場挑戰(zhàn)阿克靈頓斯坦利。一月中旬。整個(gè)球場像是泥漿浴場，至少在我的記憶中是這樣。下半場，我打進(jìn)了你見過的最糟糕的烏龍球之一。我們以 0:3 落后，整個(gè)球場都在對我唱歌：“都是你的錯(cuò)！都是你的錯(cuò)！都是你的錯(cuò)！”

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You feel about six inches tall in that moment. I remember turning around, and in League Two the fans are so close that you can look a geezer right in the eyes.

那一刻你感覺自己只有大約六英寸高（大約15厘米）。我記得我轉(zhuǎn)了個(gè)身，在英乙的球場，球迷離你如此之近，你可以直視一個(gè)老家伙的眼睛。

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It’s almost awkward if you don’t say anything back — that’s how close they are. I thought, “You know what? If I was in the stands with my mates with a few pints in my belly, I’d be loving this.”

如果你不回嘴的話就會(huì)顯得你糟透了——我們之間近到這種程度。我想：“你知道嗎？ 我會(huì)喜歡這氛圍的。如果我和我的朋友們一起站在看臺上，肚子里喝了點(diǎn)啤酒的話。”

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So the next away match, I don’t know what came over me, but the fans started giving me pelters, and I turned around, picked somebody out at random, and I just started waving with a cheeky little grin.

下一次客場比賽，我不知道我發(fā)生了什么，但球迷們開始對我瘋狂地罵我，我轉(zhuǎn)過身，隨機(jī)挑選了一個(gè)人，然后開始厚顏無恥地微笑著揮手。（大金毛成為社交恐怖分子の開始）

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The whole section turned toward the geezer and started laughing.

整個(gè)看臺都轉(zhuǎn)向老頭并開始大笑。

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It was like a weight came off my shoulders.

我肩上的重?fù)?dān)像是卸下來一些。

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The whole match, any time there was a break, I’d turn around and make a little joke. If I had a good one, the whole stand would start laughing. If it flopped, they’d give me stick. It might sound ridiculous, but it was almost like my way of dealing with the pressure. When you’re down in League Two and even in the Championship, you’re playing for people’s livelihoods. When we got relegated at Chesterfield, I remember the staff walking out the building after the last match with their stuff in cardboard boxes. I thought that only happened in the movies. I remember thinking: The kitman, the cleaners, the ticket staff … they’re all out of a job because of what happened on the pitch.

整場比賽，只要有休息，我就會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)過身來（向看臺）開個(gè)小玩笑。如果我說得不錯(cuò)，整個(gè)看臺都會(huì)開始大笑。如果失敗了，他們就會(huì)開始罵我。這聽起來可能很荒謬，但這幾乎就像我應(yīng)對壓力的方式。當(dāng)你在英乙聯(lián)賽甚至英冠聯(lián)賽中落后時(shí)，你就是在為人們的生計(jì)而戰(zhàn)。 當(dāng)我們在切斯特菲爾德降級時(shí)，我記得最后一場比賽結(jié)束后，工作人員抱著紙板箱里的東西走出了大樓（被解雇了）。我以為那只發(fā)生在電影里。我記得我當(dāng)時(shí)想：裝備工、清潔工、票務(wù)人員……因?yàn)榍驁錾习l(fā)生的事情，他們都失業(yè)了。

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This is real life.

這就是現(xiàn)實(shí)。

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It was a very, very difficult lesson, and one I had to keep learning, unfortunately. My first four seasons in professional football, I finished 24th, 20th, 18th, and 20th. Until last season’s title race, I had literally never competed for a trophy before at the club level.

這是一堂非常非常難熬的課，不幸的是，我必須繼續(xù)學(xué)習(xí)。我在職業(yè)足球的前四個(gè)賽季，分別獲得了第24、20、18和20名。直到上賽季的冠軍爭奪戰(zhàn)之前，我實(shí)際上從未在俱樂部層面上為獎(jiǎng)杯競逐過。

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Maybe that’s just something to keep in mind for all the kids out there who are constantly told that anything less than perfection is the end of their dream.

（盡管）孩子們經(jīng)常被告知，任何不完美的事情都是他們夢想的終結(jié)，但也許這才是所有孩子們要一直記住的事情。

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As long as the right people believe in you, and they see how hard you work and what you can bring to a team, it doesn’t matter what the haters say. Mikel Arteta saw something special in me, and that’s all that mattered. I remember I met with him for the first time, he said, “Just be yourself.”

只要正確的人相信你，并且他們看到你的努力程度以及你能為團(tuán)隊(duì)帶來什么，討厭你的人說什么并不重要。米克爾·阿爾特塔在我身上看到了一些特別的東西，這才是最重要的。我記得我第一次見到他時(shí)，他說：“做你自己就好了。”

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Maybe some people think we make a funny match, because he’s just unbelievably driven and might come across as serious. And I’m a lad who likes a joke. But for some reason, it just works.

也許有些人認(rèn)為我們的聯(lián)系很有趣，因?yàn)樗呐ν度肓钊穗y以置信，而且可能會(huì)給人留下很嚴(yán)肅的印象。而我是一個(gè)喜歡笑話的小伙子。但由于某種原因，我們的關(guān)系讓一切進(jìn)行得還不錯(cuò)。

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I remember him explaining to me that he wanted me to play a lot higher, and a lot more aggressive. And so every day in training, I would play higher, and more aggressive.

我記得他向我解釋說他希望我站位更高（指站位更靠前），更有侵略性。所以每天在訓(xùn)練中，我都會(huì)壓得更靠上、更有侵略性。

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And he’d say, “No, no, higher.”

Every day, higher.

“Yes, yes. No, Higher.”

I’m thinking: f****** hell, I’m near the halfway line. How much higher?

他會(huì)說：“不，不，再壓上一點(diǎn)。”

每一天，再壓上一點(diǎn)。

“是的是的。 不，再壓上一點(diǎn)。”

我在想：日內(nèi)瓦，我都快到中場線了，還要往前壓到哪？

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It was brilliant, actually, because he let me explain my emotions about feeling a bit exposed in playing so aggressive, and he showed me 10, 20 times different examples of teams playing the way he wanted. Sometimes I was thinking, “Shit, boss, we’re watching vintage Barcelona here. Are you sure we can pull this off?”

事實(shí)上，這太棒了。他讓我解釋了我的憂慮，因?yàn)檫@么激進(jìn)的比賽方式讓我感覺有點(diǎn)不夠穩(wěn)妥，隨后他向我展示了10、20次不同的球隊(duì)按照他想要的方式比賽的例子。有時(shí)我在想，“靠，大哥，我們在這里看巔峰時(shí)期的巴塞羅那。你確定我們能做到嗎？”

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But in the end, we were able to come to a middle ground where I wasn’t overthinking out there, and the results spoke for themselves.

但最終，我們達(dá)成了妥協(xié)，我沒有想太多，結(jié)果不言自明。

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I’ll never forget starting my first match in the League Cup, away to West Brom on a Wednesday night, and our fans were up in the corner of the stadium in full voice. I thought, “God, I hope they don’t boo me.”

我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記我在聯(lián)賽杯中的第一場比賽，周三晚上客場對陣西布朗，我們的球迷在球場的角落里全力應(yīng)援。 我想：“我的天，希望他們不要噓我。”

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Within the first five minutes of the match, I had barely even touched the ball yet. Hadn’t even made a save. And they were all singing my name.

在比賽的前五分鐘內(nèi)，我?guī)缀踹€沒碰過球。甚至沒有一次撲救。他們都在唱我的名字。

Got goosebumps. I had a look up into the crowd at one point, just to take it all in. I realised at that moment: Those are the real fans. Coming to West Brom on a Wednesday night. Yeah, you had a few idiots on the Internet chatting shit. Who cares? The real supporters have your back.

雞皮疙瘩滿身。有一次我抬頭看了一眼人群，只是想把這一切都收入眼底。那一刻我意識到：那些才是真正的球迷。（他們愿意在）周三晚上來到西布朗。是的，有幾個(gè)白癡在網(wǎng)上狗叫。 誰會(huì)在意？真正的支持者永遠(yuǎn)站在你身后。

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That’s when I felt at home.

像是在家一樣。

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These first two seasons in North London have been incredible, overall. Obviously, we didn’t achieve our ultimate goal last season, and it still stings. But when I think about the progress we’ve made, I’m really proud. If I can just put my football fan hat on for a moment, and see things from the outside, the quality of the lads at this club is excellent.

總體而言，北倫敦的前兩個(gè)賽季令人難以置信。顯然，上賽季我們沒有實(shí)現(xiàn)最終目標(biāo)，現(xiàn)在仍然令人心痛。但當(dāng)我想到我們所取得的進(jìn)步時(shí)，我真的感到自豪。如果我能暫時(shí)戴上我的球迷帽子，從旁觀者的角度來看，就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)這隊(duì)的年輕人非常出色。

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I’ll never forget this moment from the 2021-2022 season, when we had just missed out on the top four. To me, it’s when I knew that we were on the right path. I was on the bus sitting next to Bukayo after Newcastle away, when we lost 2–0. Everyone was devastated, but the young academy lads like Bukayo and Emile just have so much extra pressure on them. After the match, they were literally on the floor in the dressing room. When we got the bus, Bukayo was quiet. Usually, we always have something to chat about, even after a loss. But it was just dead silent. So I sent him a text, even though he was sat right next to me, asking if he was OK and if he wanted to chat.

我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記2021-2022賽季的此時(shí)此刻，當(dāng)時(shí)我們剛掉出前四。對我來說，那時(shí)我就知道我們走在正確的道路上?？蛨鰧﹃嚰~卡斯?fàn)?，我?-2輸球，當(dāng)時(shí)大巴上我坐在薩卡旁邊。每個(gè)人都被擊垮了，但像薩卡和羅這樣的根正苗紅青訓(xùn)出品的小伙子卻承受著巨大的額外壓力。比賽結(jié)束后，他們真的就躺在更衣室的地板上。當(dāng)我們上車時(shí)，薩卡很安靜。通常即使在失利之后，我們也總是有話可聊。但只是一片死寂。所以我給他發(fā)了一條短信，盡管他就坐在我旁邊，問他是否還好，是否想聊天。

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We had a five-minute chat, and I’ll keep most of it between us, but I just tried to explain to him how many times I felt like I’d failed in this game, and how proud he should be of taking a team from 8th to 5th, especially after all the abuse he faced at the Euros.

我們聊了五分鐘，大部分內(nèi)容我都會(huì)保密，但我只是試圖向他解釋在這場比賽中有多少次我覺得自己被打敗了，以及他應(yīng)該為自己幫助球隊(duì)從第八名上升到第五名感到多么自豪，尤其是考慮到在他在歐洲杯上遭受了所有的網(wǎng)絡(luò)暴力之后。

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The best I’d ever done was 18th.

我此前在英超的最好成績是第18名。

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You learn a lot more from failure than from the times when everything is going great and the whole world is blowing smoke up your arse.

你從失敗中學(xué)到的東西比從一切都很順利、整個(gè)世界都在對你不吝贊美之辭時(shí)要多得多。

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Yes, we fell short of the title last season, but we’ve gone from 8th to 5th to 2nd, and I love the culture that we’re building at the club. It’s a great time to be a Gooner. And just on a personal level, I have to thank my teammates, my manager, the entire staff, and the supporters for having my back last season.

是的，上賽季我們未能獲得冠軍，但我們已經(jīng)從第八名上升到第五名，再到第二名，我喜歡我們在俱樂部建立的文化?，F(xiàn)在是成為槍迷的好時(shí)機(jī)。就個(gè)人而言，我必須感謝我的隊(duì)友、主教練、全體工作人員和支持者，感謝他們上賽季對我的支持。

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This is where things get a bit serious, I’m afraid.

但，事情變得有點(diǎn)嚴(yán)重了。

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There are things that go on in our lives that the public has no idea about, and the past year has been an emotional rollercoaster for me and my family. After the high of climbing to the top of the Premier League table and going off to my first World Cup, my wife and I found out that we were expecting our first child. Mikel gave me a few extra days off after the World Cup, so we went on a brief holiday. It was genuinely the happiest time of our lives. And yeah … there’s no easy way to say this, but I feel like it’s important that people know.…

我們的生活中發(fā)生了一些公眾不知道的事情，過去的一年對我和我的家人來說就像坐過山車一樣。在攀登英超積分榜榜首并參加我的第一次世界杯之后，我和妻子發(fā)現(xiàn)我們即將迎來我們的第一個(gè)孩子。世界杯結(jié)束后阿特塔給了我額外的幾天假期，所以我們度過了一個(gè)短暫的假期。這確實(shí)是我們一生中最快樂的時(shí)光。是的……沒有容易的方法可以表達(dá)這個(gè)，但我覺得讓人們知道很重要……

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On the flight home, my wife had a miscarriage.

在回家的航班上，我的妻子流產(chǎn)了。

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There’s really no way that I can describe the pain of that six-hour flight back to London, even now. I just want people out there to know that they’re not alone if they’re going through it themselves. When we got back, I didn’t tell many people what happened. Only my family, my teammates, and of course Mikel. He was fantastic about everything. Even in the middle of the title race, with so much pressure on the club, he asked me if I needed some time off to deal with everything. Mikel went above and beyond to make sure me and my family were OK.

即使現(xiàn)在，我也無法描述返回倫敦的六個(gè)小時(shí)飛行的痛苦。我只是想讓人們知道，如果他們自己也在經(jīng)歷這一切，他們并不孤單。當(dāng)我們回來時(shí)，我沒有告訴很多人發(fā)生了什么事。只有我的家人、我的隊(duì)友，當(dāng)然還有阿特塔。他對在一切事件上都很棒。即使在冠軍爭奪戰(zhàn)中，俱樂部壓力如此之大，他還是問我是否需要休息一下來處理所有事情。阿特塔不遺余力地確保我和我的家人一切都好。

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For me, that’s a manager.

對我來說，他就是教練的模板。

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We don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything. We have some very florid conversations about football sometimes. But he cares so much about his players, and he forever has my respect for how he handled our grief.

我們并不總是對所有事情都看法一致。有時(shí)我們會(huì)就足球進(jìn)行一些精彩的對話。但他非常關(guān)心他的球員，我永遠(yuǎn)尊重他處理我們悲傷的方式。

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Three days later, we were playing Spurs in the derby, and for me that was the only way to get my mind off things. Football has always been my escape. I told the manager I wanted to play. It couldn’t have been a better night. We won 2–0 under the floodlights, and our away fans were going absolutely ballistic. If you watch the match back, you can see me beaming at the final kick of the ball. I went to get my water bottle behind the goal, and never in a million years would I ever think that I’d get kicked in the back by a Tottenham fan.

三天后，我們在德比中對陣熱刺，對我來說，這是讓我逃避事情的唯一方法。足球一直是我的逃避方式。我告訴阿特塔我想?yún)⒓颖荣?。這真是一個(gè)美好的夜晚。我們在聚光燈下以 2-0 獲勝，而我們的客場球迷則徹底沸騰了。如果你回顧比賽，你會(huì)看到我在最后一腳球時(shí)微笑。我去球門后面拿我的水瓶，但一百萬年我都不會(huì)想到我會(huì)被托特納姆球迷踢到我的背上。

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I’ve had some very spicy banter with fans all over the English leagues. I’ve been called everything you can imagine. But it’s never crossed the line like that. I remember when I got back to the dressing room, I couldn’t even celebrate because I got pulled out to give a police statement.

我被全英格蘭聯(lián)賽的球迷開過一些非常辛辣的玩笑。我被稱為你能想象到的一切（不好或者好的東西）。但從未像這樣出格。我記得當(dāng)我回到更衣室時(shí)，我甚至無法慶祝，因?yàn)槲冶焕鋈ハ蚓阶髯C。

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You know, I almost felt bad for the bloke who had done it, because I thought to myself: If he only knew me as a person, and what I’m actually going through right now, there’s no way that he would’ve done that. If we bumped into each other one day and got chatting about football, we’d probably be mates.

我為那個(gè)做這件事的家伙感到難過，因?yàn)槲倚南耄喝绻涣私馕疫@個(gè)人，以及我現(xiàn)在正在經(jīng)歷的事情，他就不可能這么做，那如果有一天我們碰面并聊起足球，我們其實(shí)可能會(huì)成為朋友。

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That’s a part of why I wanted to write this article and to share me and my family’s story for the first time. The last few years especially, you see so much negativity and toxicity in football. Whether it’s on social media or at the grounds, it feels like a lot of people have lost all perspective.

這就是我想寫這篇文章并第一次分享我和我家人的故事的部分原因。尤其是最近幾年，你在足球界看到了如此多的消極和惡意。無論是在社交媒體上還是在現(xiàn)場，感覺很多人都失去了思考能力。

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After I publish this letter, as sad as it is to say, I know that I will receive messages about my wife, and about my brother. Other players receive even worse messages, especially my Black teammates. For some reason, the social media companies don’t seem to have any interest in stopping it.

在我發(fā)表這封信后，說來難過，但我知道我肯定會(huì)收到關(guān)于我妻子和我兄弟的消息。其他球員收到的信息甚至更糟糕，尤其是我的黑人隊(duì)友。出于某種原因，社交媒體平臺似乎沒有興趣阻止它。

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But for me, it’s not about stopping it. It’s not about the trolls. I know I can’t reach them. For me, it’s simply about standing up for what’s right.

但對我來說，（寫這封信）并不是要阻止它。這與鍵盤俠和網(wǎng)絡(luò)暴力無關(guān)。我知道我抓不到他們。對我來說，這只是堅(jiān)持正義。

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It’s about who I want to be as a person, and as a father.

這是關(guān)于我想成為一個(gè)什么樣的人，以及一個(gè)什么樣的父親。

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This summer, Georgina and I got the best gift we could ever ask for. We found out that we’re pregnant again. We’ve got a little Gooner on the way, and we’re over the moon.

今年夏天，喬治娜和我得到了我們能要求的最好的禮物。我們發(fā)現(xiàn)我們又懷孕了。我們已經(jīng)有了一個(gè)小槍手，我們欣喜若狂。

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When you know that you’re going to be a father, it really makes you think about the future, what kind of man you want to be.

當(dāng)你知道自己要成為一名父親時(shí)，你會(huì)真正思考未來，思考自己想成為什么樣的人。

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For me, I obviously dream about winning the league and parading the trophy through North London, for sure. World Cup. Champions League. I’ve got all those dreams, but those are all football dreams.

對我來說，我顯然夢想著贏得聯(lián)賽冠軍并在北倫敦舉起獎(jiǎng)杯，這是肯定的。世界杯。歐冠。我有所有這些夢想，但這些都是足球方面的夢想。

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As a person, I have another dream.

作為一個(gè)人，我還有另一個(gè)夢想。

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I want this game I love to be a safe and welcoming place for everyone. I want my brother, Ollie — or anyone of any sexuality, race or religion — to come to games without having to fear abuse.

我希望這個(gè)我喜歡的體育運(yùn)動(dòng)成為對每個(gè)人都安全且歡迎的地方。我希望我的兄弟奧利——或者任何性別、種族或宗教信仰的人——能夠來觀看比賽，而不必?fù)?dān)心受到虐待。

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And when we lift a trophy at the Emirates Stadium, I want my brother there with me.

當(dāng)我們在酋長球場舉起獎(jiǎng)杯時(shí)，我希望我的兄弟和我在一起。

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What could the trolls tell us then? Not a thing.

到時(shí)候鍵盤俠們說什么呢？無足輕重。

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Love you, bro,

愛你，兄弟，

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Aaron

阿龍