? ? ? ?門羅的小說一般是先蓄水，像一潭靜湖般波瀾不驚，而后再放水，像瀑布般一瀉千里。《激情》這篇小說正是此中典型。這篇小說按照情節(jié)來讀是較為困難的，門羅在這篇小說中極為精心謹(jǐn)慎的布置了許多細(xì)節(jié)，一切的一切，都是為了指向她所留白的那個令人悲傷的故事，但這種指向性本身又被處理得模糊，像是營造出了一團(tuán)迷霧。所以下一期視頻，up試著和大家分析一下這篇小說。（原文比較重要，為了方便大家對照閱讀，在此將英文原文一并貼出）

激情|PASSION

愛麗絲·門羅Alice Munro

譯者：李文俊

不算太久以前，格雷斯曾上渥太華峽谷去尋找特拉弗斯家的避暑別墅。她已有多年未上這個地區(qū)來了，這里的變化自然很大。七號公路如今都已繞開市鎮(zhèn)，而在以前是直穿而過的。而在她記憶中以前繞彎子的地方，現(xiàn)在反而是筆直的了。加拿大地盾的這個部分有許多小湖泊，一般的地圖上都不標(biāo)出來，因為根本排不下。即使在她弄清了或是自以為弄清了小塞博湖的方位時，從鄉(xiāng)村土路又有許多條道路可以通向它，接下去，當(dāng)她選上了其中的一條時，與它相交的又有那么多條鋪有路面的街道，那些街名她連一點兒印象都沒有。其實，四十多年前她在這兒時，連街名都還沒起呢。那會兒路邊也還沒有人行道，只有一條土路通往湖邊，此外就是環(huán)湖有一條曲里拐彎、很不規(guī)整的路。

Not too long ago, Grace went looking for the Traverses’ summer house in the Ottawa Valley. She had not been in that part of the country for many years, and of course there had been changes. Highway 7 now avoided towns that it used to go right through, and it went straight in places where, as she remembered, there used to be curves. And this part of the Canadian Shield has many small lakes, which the usual sort of map has no room to identify. Even when she had located Little Sabot Lake, or thought she had, there seemed to be too many roads leading into it from the county road, and then, when she had chosen one of those roads, too many paved roads crossing it, all with names that she did not recall. In fact there had not been any street names when she had been here over forty years ago. And there was no pavement. There was just the one dirt road running towards the lake, then the one dirt road running rather haphazardly along the lake’s edge.

現(xiàn)在出現(xiàn)了一個村子?；蛘哒f一片郊區(qū)——這樣稱呼也許更加恰當(dāng)一些，因為她沒見到有什么郵局或是最不起眼的便利店。這片小區(qū)占著湖邊四五條街那么深的地方，小小的房屋緊挨著，占著一小片一小片的土地。有些無疑是夏季避暑住的，因為窗戶上已經(jīng)釘上了木板，每逢冬季總免不了要這樣做的。不過仍然有許多房子顯示出長年有人居住的種種跡象——跡象很多，從充塞在院子里的塑料健身器械和戶外烤架，以及訓(xùn)練用的自行車、摩托車和野餐用的木桌上都可以看出來，有些人在這仍然算是暖和的九月里坐在桌邊吃午飯、喝啤酒。另外也會有人——那就很難見到他們的人影了，是學(xué)生或是獨身的老嬉皮士——他們會把旗子或是錫紙片掛起來充當(dāng)窗簾。這些都是造價便宜的小房子，總體上還算結(jié)實，有些裝了防寒設(shè)備，有的卻沒有。

Now there was a village. Or a suburb, perhaps you could call it, because she did not see any Post Office or even the most unpromising convenience store. The settlement lay four or five streets deep along the lake, with small houses strung close together on small lots. Some of them were undoubtedly summer places—the windows already boarded up, as was always done for the winter season. But many others showed all the signs of year-round habitation—habitation, in many cases, by people who filled the yards with plastic gym sets and outdoor grills and training bikes and motorcycles and picnic tables, where some of them sat having lunch or beer on this September day which was still warm. And by other people, not so visible— they were students maybe, or old hippies living alone—who put up flags or sheets of tinfoil for curtains. Small, mostly decent, cheap houses, some fixed to withstand the winter, and some not.

格雷斯本來會決定掉轉(zhuǎn)車頭往回走的，倘若她沒看見那座八角形房子的話——它的屋頂周圍都飾有回紋格子鐵飾，每隔一面墻就有一扇門。那是伍茲家的別墅。她一直記得它是有八扇門的，可是現(xiàn)在看來只有四扇。她從未進(jìn)去過，不知那里面是怎樣隔成小間的，或者究竟有沒有隔開。她也不認(rèn)為特拉弗斯家的任何人曾經(jīng)進(jìn)去過。早年間，這座房子四周都是圍著高大的樹籬的，還有閃光的白楊樹，只要湖岸刮過一陣風(fēng)它們就會颯颯作響。伍茲先生和伍茲太太已經(jīng)上年紀(jì)了——就跟格雷斯現(xiàn)在一樣——好像從來也沒有朋友或是孩子來探望過他們。他們這所饒有古風(fēng)、設(shè)計奇特的房子現(xiàn)在也顯得荒蕪且不協(xié)調(diào)了。鄰居們把擱置不用的破東西和他們一時拆散有待重新安裝的車子、他們的玩具和待洗的東西，都堆在了這座房子的四周。

Grace would have decided to turn back if she had not seen the octagonal house, with the fretwork along the roof, and the doors in every other wall. The Woodses’ house. She had always remembered it as having eight doors, but it seemed there were only four. She had never been inside to see how, or if, the space was divided into rooms. She didn’t think any of the Travers family had ever been inside, either. The house was surrounded by great hedges, in the old days, and by the sparkling poplar trees that were always rustled by a wind along the shore. Mr. and Mrs. Woods were old—as Grace was now—and had not seemed to be visited by any friends or children. Their quaint original house had now a forlorn, a mistaken, look. Neighbors with their ghetto blasters and their sometimes dismembered vehicles, their toys and washing, were bunched up against either side of it.

當(dāng)她在沿著路開下去大約四分之一英里處找到特拉弗斯家時，她發(fā)現(xiàn)那兒的情況也是一樣?，F(xiàn)在大道經(jīng)過這里后還能通向別處，不像以前就終止在房子的前面，而周圍的房子距離它四面環(huán)繞的寬寬的游廊也只是咫尺之遙了。

It was the same with the Travers house when she found it, a quarter of a mile or so along this road. The road went past it now, instead of ending there, and the houses on either side were only a few feet away from the wraparound deep verandah.

那是格雷斯所看到的第一幢建成這個樣子的房子——只有一層，主要的屋頂朝四邊一直延伸到游廊的邊緣，當(dāng)中并沒有間斷之處。后來她在澳大利亞也見到許多房子是跟這一樣的。這種風(fēng)格會讓你想到炎炎夏日。

It had been the first house that Grace had ever seen built in this way—one story high, the main roof continuing without a break out over that verandah, on all sides. Later she had seen many like it, in Australia. A style that made you think of hot summers.

過去，你總是能從游廊上跑下來，穿過多塵土的車道末端，再穿過一片長有雜草和野草莓的沙地——那也是特拉弗斯家的產(chǎn)業(yè)，然后就跳入——不，事實上是跳著走進(jìn)湖中?，F(xiàn)在你都幾乎看不到湖了，因為多出來了一幢結(jié)結(jié)實實的大房子，是這一帶那種為數(shù)不多的正規(guī)的郊區(qū)別墅，還附有能放兩輛車的車庫呢——沿著這條路一路開來，時不時能見到一幢這樣的房子。

You used to be able to run from the verandah across the dusty end of the driveway, across a sandy trampled patch of weeds and wild strawberries, also the Traverses’ property, and then jump—no, actually, wade—into the lake. Now you would hardly be able to see the lake, because of the substantial house— one of the few regular suburban houses here, with a two-car garage—that had been built across that very route.

格雷斯之所以要從事這次遠(yuǎn)征，想達(dá)到的目的究竟是什么呢？也許最最壞的結(jié)果就是，她確實找到了她打算要找的東西。能遮風(fēng)擋雨的屋頂，百葉窗，房前的湖泊，房后高高聳立的楓樹、雪松和乳香木。舊貌保存良好，原封不動，但那樣的景貌卻絲毫也不能說明她自己的經(jīng)歷。而找到了一些如此衰敗，雖仍留存卻早已不合時宜的東西——就像特拉弗斯的房子如今的情況那樣，加了幾個屋頂窗，抹了怪刺眼的藍(lán)漆——從長遠(yuǎn)來說，說不定對自己的傷害倒會稍少一些呢。

What was Grace really looking for when she had undertaken this expedition? Maybe the worst thing would have been to get just what she might have thought she was after. Sheltering roof, screened windows, the lake in front, the stand of maple and cedar and balm of Gilead trees behind. Perfect preservation, the past intact, when nothing of the kind could be said of herself. To find something so diminished, still existing but made irrelevant—as the Travers house now seemed to be, with its added dormer windows, its startling blue paint—might be less hurtful in the long run.

要是發(fā)現(xiàn)這個舊宅完全不在了，那又會如何呢？你會大驚小怪。要是有人走過來聽你說什么，你會哀嘆它的消失。不過那樣便會讓你感到輕松？陳舊的迷惘與自責(zé)莫非就會消亡？

And what if you find it gone altogether? You make a fuss. If anybody has come along to listen to you, you bewail the loss. But mightn’t a feeling of relief pass over you, of old confusions or obligations wiped away?

特拉弗斯先生蓋起這座房子——當(dāng)然，是他讓別人幫他蓋的，是作為結(jié)婚禮物，好讓特拉弗斯太太得到一個驚喜的。格雷斯初次見到這座房屋時，它大約已有三十年歷史了。特拉弗斯太太的兒女年齡間隔很大——格蕾琴大約二十八九歲，已經(jīng)結(jié)婚有了孩子，莫里二十一，正要上大學(xué)的最后一年。還有尼爾，三十五六吧。不過尼爾不姓特拉弗斯。他的名字是尼爾·博羅。特拉弗斯太太以前結(jié)過一次婚，那男的后來死了。她在一所培養(yǎng)秘書的學(xué)校里教商業(yè)英語，憑此掙錢維持生活、養(yǎng)育孩子。特拉弗斯先生在提到她遇到他之前的那段生活時，總把它說得幾乎像是在服勞役犯的苦刑，縱使自己此后欣然為她提供一輩子的舒適生活，那都是難以補償?shù)摹?/span>

Mr. Travers had built the house—that is, he had it built, as a surprise wedding present for Mrs. Travers. When Grace first saw it, it would have been perhaps thirty years old. Mrs. Travers’ children were widely spaced—Gretchen around twenty-eight or twenty-nine, already married and a mother herself, and Maury twenty-one, going into his last year at college. And then there was Neil, in his midthirties. But Neil was not a Travers. He was Neil Borrow. Mrs. Travers had been married before, to a man who had died. She had earned her living, and supported her child, as a teacher of Business English at a secretarial school. Mr. Travers, when he referred to this time in her life before he met her, spoke of it as a time of hardship almost like penal servitude, something hardly to be made up for by a whole lifetime of comfort, which he would happily provide.

特拉弗斯太太自己卻從未這樣說過。她曾經(jīng)跟尼爾住在彭布羅克鎮(zhèn)一座大房子隔出來的一套房間里，離鐵路很近，她在餐桌上講的許多故事都是跟那里的生活有關(guān)的，像別的房客的事啦，以及那位法裔加拿大房東的事——她學(xué)他那口刺耳的法語和亂七八糟的英語。真應(yīng)該給那些故事起上標(biāo)題的，就像格雷斯念過的瑟伯所寫的那些故事一樣——她是在十年級教室后墻根架子上置放的《美國幽默文選》里偶然讀到的。（在書架上一并擺放著的還有《最后的男爵》和《桅前兩年》。）

Mrs. Travers herself didn’t speak of it this way at all. She had lived with Neil in a big old house broken up into apartments, not far from the railway tracks in the town of Pembroke, and many of the stories she told at the dinner table were about events there, about her fellow tenants, and the French-Canadian land-lord, whose harsh French and tangled English she imitated. The stories might have had titles, like the stories of Thurber’s that Grace had read in The Anthology of American Humor, found unaccountably on the library shelf at the back of her Grade Ten classroom. (Also on that shelf was The Last of the Barons, and Two Years Before the Mast. )

《克羅馬蒂老太太爬上屋頂?shù)哪且灰埂?、《郵差是怎樣向弗勞爾小姐求愛的》，還有《吃沙丁魚的那條狗》。這些就是瑟伯書里的幾個篇名。

“The Night Old Mrs. Cromarty Got Out on the Roof.” “How the Postman Courted Miss Flowers.” “The Dog Who Ate Sardines.”

特拉弗斯先生從來不講故事，他吃飯時連話都很少說，不過如果他恰好看到你在注視——比方說——用石塊砌起來的壁爐，他就會說，“你對巖石也感興趣？”并且告訴你每一塊石頭的出處，以及他又是怎樣費盡周折尋覓到那塊特殊的粉紅色花崗石的——因為特拉弗斯太太有一回瞥向一個路邊斷巖，看到了類似的一塊石頭，曾經(jīng)驚嘆不已。他也會向你炫耀一些他自己設(shè)計的其實并無特別了不起的裝置——廚房里能往外旋轉(zhuǎn)的角柜啦，窗臺底下的儲物空間啦。他個子高高的，背有些駝，嗓音柔和，稀稀拉拉的幾根頭發(fā)油光光地貼在腦殼上。他連下水時都要穿上浴鞋。他穿著平常的衣服時不顯得胖，可是穿著游泳褲時，那上面就顯出了白生生往下重疊的肉褶子。

Mr. Travers never told stories and had little to say at dinner, but if he came upon you looking, say, at the fieldstone fireplace, he might say, “Are you interested in rocks?” and tell you where each of them had come from, and how he had searched and searched for the particular pink granite, because Mrs. Travers had once exclaimed over a rock like that, glimpsed in a road cut. Or he might show you such not really unusual features as he himself had added to the house design—the corner cupboard shelves swinging outwards in the kitchen, the storage space under the window seats. He was a tall stooped man with a soft voice and thin hair slicked over his scalp. He wore bathing shoes when he went into the water, and though he did not look fat in his usual clothes, he displayed then a pancake fold of white flesh slopping over the top of his bathing trunks.

那年夏天，格雷斯在小塞博湖北邊伯萊瀑布旁邊的一家旅館里找了個活兒。初夏時，特拉弗斯一家到這兒來用過餐。她沒有注意到他們——那張桌子不歸她管，那天晚上客人又特別多。她在鋪設(shè)干凈餐具準(zhǔn)備接待下一撥客人時感覺到有人想和她說話。那是莫里。他說：“我不知道，你是不是愿意有空的時候跟我一起出去走走？”

Grace worked that summer at the hotel at Bailey’s Falls, north of Little Sabot Lake. Early in the season the Travers family had come to dinner there. She had not noticed them—they were not at one of her tables and it was a busy night. She was setting up a table for a new party when she realized that someone was waiting to speak to her.

It was Maury. He said, “I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime?”

格雷斯在擺銀餐具，幾乎連眼皮都沒抬。她說：“被人激將來的吧？”因為他的聲音既高又緊張，站在那里直僵僵的，好像來得挺勉強(qiáng)似的。這兒的姑娘都知道，有時一伙從度假村來的年輕人會互相激將，看誰有本事把一位女招待約出去。這倒不完全是鬧著玩的——如果邀請被接受，他們真的會到場，只不過有時候僅僅是帶你上公園走走，而不是請你去看電影，連咖啡都不請你喝一杯。因此接受邀請的女孩會覺得挺沒面子，仿佛真的到了窮途末路那一步似的。

Grace barely looked up from shooting out the silverware. She said, “Is this a dare?” Because his voice was high and nervous and he stood there stiffly, as if forcing himself. And it was known that sometimes a party of young men from the cottages would dare one another to ask a waitress out. It wasn’t entirely a joke—they really would show up, if accepted, though sometimes they only meant to park, without taking you to a movie or even for coffee. So it was considered rather shameful, rather hard up, for a girl to agree.

“什么？”他顯然受到了傷害，這時格雷斯停下手里的活兒，抬眼看他。她似乎在一瞬間就把莫里整個人都看了個透，這個真正的莫里。膽怯卻很熱誠，天真但是很有決心。

“What?” he said painfully, and then Grace did stop and look at him. It seemed to her that she saw the whole of him in that moment, the true Maury. Scared, fierce, innocent, determined.

“好吧。”她快快地說道。她的意思可能是說，好吧，別生氣，我知道這不是激將，我知道你不會那樣干的。也可以理解為，好吧，我答應(yīng)一起出去就是了。她自己也不太清楚究竟是哪一種意思?？墒撬言捓斫獬赏饬?，當(dāng)下便安排起來——連聲音都沒有壓低，也沒有注意到周圍的用餐者朝他投來的目光——說是第二天下班以后就來接她。

“Okay,” she said quickly. She might have meant, okay, calm down, I know it’s not a dare, I know you wouldn’t do that. Or, okay, I’ll go out with you. She herself hardly knew which. But he took it as agreement, and at once arranged—without lowering his voice, or noticing the looks he was getting from diners around them—that he would pick her up after work on the following night.

他真的帶她去看電影了。他們看的片子是《新娘的父親》。格雷斯一點也不喜歡這部影片。她討厭里面的那些像伊麗莎白·泰勒的女孩子，她討厭被寵壞的富家小姐，她們什么負(fù)擔(dān)都沒有，只會撒嬌發(fā)嗲、索錢要物。莫里說那不過是一出逗趣的喜劇罷了，但她說問題不在這里。她也分析不清楚問題關(guān)鍵到底在什么地方。換了別人都會認(rèn)為，那是因為她當(dāng)女招待，窮得上不起大學(xué)，如果她結(jié)婚也想擺這樣的排場，那真得節(jié)衣縮食省上好多年，自己來負(fù)擔(dān)這筆費用才行。（莫里也是這么想的，不過他對于她能這樣想?yún)s沒一點看不起的意思，相反倒幾乎是懷著敬意呢。）

He did take her to the movies. They saw Father of the Bride. Grace hated it. She hated girls like Elizabeth Taylor in that movie, she hated spoiled rich girls of whom nothing was ever asked but that they wheedle and demand. Maury said that it was only supposed to be a comedy, but she said that was not the point. She could not make clear what the point was. Anybody would think that it was because she worked as a waitress and was too poor to go to college, and that if she wanted anything like that kind of wedding she would have to spend years saving up to pay for it herself. (Maury did think this, and was stricken with respect for her, almost with reverence.)

她無法解釋，自己也不太明白，她所感覺到的并不完全是妒忌，而是一種憤怒。并非因為她不能那樣散漫地花錢購物，那樣穿衣打扮。而是因為人們都認(rèn)為女孩子就應(yīng)該這樣。那就是男人——一般人，所有的人——認(rèn)為她們應(yīng)該是的樣子。漂亮、當(dāng)成寶貝似的供著哄著寵著，自私而又蠢笨。女孩子似乎就應(yīng)該這樣，那才有人為之神魂顛倒。這以后呢，又會當(dāng)上母親，一心都撲在孩子們的身上。自私倒不自私了，但還是一樣無知。永遠(yuǎn)都是如此。

She could not explain or quite understand that it wasn’t altogether jealousy she felt, it was rage. And not because she couldn’t shop like that or dress like that. It was because that was what girls were supposed to be like. That was what men— people, everybody—thought they should be like. Beautiful, treasured, spoiled, selfish, pea-brained. That was what a girl should be, to be fallen in love with. Then she would become a mother and she’d be all mushily devoted to her babies. Not selfish anymore, but just as pea-brained. Forever.

她正為此而怒氣沖沖，但是身邊卻坐著一個愛上了她的男孩，因為他相信——頃刻之間就相信——她在思想與心靈上都是既成熟又有自己的獨立見解的，而且還把她的貧窮視為一圈有思想性的浪漫光環(huán)。（他自然知道她窮，不僅是因為她在干著的活兒，而且也因為她說話有很重的渥太華峽谷的鄉(xiāng)音，這一點當(dāng)時連她自己都還未能察覺到。）

She was fuming about this while sitting beside a boy who had fallen in love with her because he had believed—instantly—in the integrity and uniqueness of her mind and soul, and had seen her poverty as a romantic gloss on that. (He would have known she was poor not just because of the job she was working at but because of her strong Ottawa Valley accent, of which she was as yet unaware.)

他尊重她對影片的看法。現(xiàn)在既然聽了她結(jié)結(jié)巴巴、充滿火氣的分析，他倒也打算試著講講自己的想法了。他說，他現(xiàn)在認(rèn)識到，人性中，再沒有比妒忌更為幼稚、更為女人氣的了。這一點他算是明白了。他反對妒忌，就跟她不能容忍輕浮、不滿足于像一般的女孩子一樣。她是不同凡俗的呀。

He honored her feelings about the movie. Indeed, now that he had listened to her angry struggles to explain, he struggled to tell her something in turn. He said that he saw now that it was not anything so simple, so feminine, as jealousy. He saw that. It was that she would not stand for frivolity, was not content to be like most girls. She was special.

格雷斯一直記得那天晚上自己穿的是什么衣服。一條深藍(lán)色的舞裙，一件白上衣——透過那上面花邊的鏤孔可以窺見她乳胸的上部，還系著根寬寬的玫瑰紅色松緊腰帶。顯然，在表現(xiàn)出來的她與希望別人認(rèn)定的她之間，是存在著差別的。但她身上絕無那會兒時興的那種小巧精致或是精心修飾的痕跡。衣裙邊上有些破損，事實上，還使她帶點兒吉卜賽風(fēng)格呢，何況還有最不值錢的鍍銀手鐲，以及那一頭又長又卷、野性十足的深色頭發(fā)，若是上班端盤子，她是得把頭發(fā)用網(wǎng)罩套起來的。

Grace always remembered what she was wearing on that night. A dark-blue ballerina skirt, a white blouse, through whose eyelet frills you could see the tops of her breasts, a wide rose-colored elasticized belt. There was a discrepancy, no doubt, between the way she presented herself and the way she wanted to be judged. But nothing about her was dainty or pert or polished in the style of the time. A bit ragged round the edges, in fact, giving herself gypsy airs, with the very cheapest silver-painted bangles, and the long, wild-looking curly dark hair that she had to put into a snood when she waited on tables.

不同凡俗呀。

Special.

他跟媽媽談到了她，媽媽說：“你一定要把你的這個格雷斯帶到家里來一起吃一頓飯?！?/span>

He had told his mother about her and his mother had said, “You must bring this Grace of yours to dinner.”

這對她來說全然是件新鮮事，立刻就使她感到異常愉快。事實上，她一下子就喜歡上特拉弗斯太太了，就跟莫里一下子就愛上了她一樣。當(dāng)然，她一般是不會如此暈頭暈?zāi)X地被迷住、成為精神上的俘虜?shù)?，這不合她的天性，她跟莫里可不一樣。

It was all new to her, all immediately delightful. In fact she fell in love with Mrs. Travers, rather as Maury had fallen in love with her. It was not in her nature, of course, to be so openly dumbfounded, so worshipful, as he was.

格雷斯是由她的舅舅舅媽帶大的，嚴(yán)格地說應(yīng)該是舅公舅婆。她母親在她三歲時就去世了，她父親移居去了薩斯喀徹溫，另行建立起了家庭。帶大她的那對老夫妻對她很好，甚至很以她為驕傲，只是不太清楚應(yīng)該怎么管她，因為他們不善于與別人交流。舅公以編結(jié)藤椅為生，他教會了格雷斯該怎么編，以便自己眼力不濟(jì)時最終有人把這門手藝接過去?？墒墙又辛讼募旧喜R瀑布去打工的機(jī)會，雖然他不舍得——舅婆也一樣——讓她去，不過他也相信，在她安定下來之前多體會一些人生經(jīng)驗是應(yīng)該的。

Grace had been brought up by her aunt and uncle, really her great-aunt and great-uncle. Her mother had died when she was three years old, and her father had moved to Saskatchewan, where he had another family. Her stand-in parents were kind, even proud of her, though bewildered, but they were not given to conversation. The uncle made his living caning chairs, and he had taught Grace how to cane, so that she could help him, and eventually take over as his eyesight failed. But then she had got the job at Bailey’s Falls for the summer, and though it was hard for him—for her aunt as well—to let her go, they believed she needed a taste of life before she settled down.

她當(dāng)時二十歲，中學(xué)剛畢業(yè)。照說她應(yīng)該早一年畢業(yè)的，可是她作了個奇怪的選擇。她住著的是個很小的鎮(zhèn)子——離特拉弗斯太太住過的彭布羅克不遠(yuǎn)——可那里卻有一所能讓學(xué)生受五年教育的中學(xué)，使你夠資格去參加政府規(guī)定的一種考試，當(dāng)時是稱作高級注冊考試的。這樣，學(xué)生就不必去學(xué)所有的中學(xué)科目。她在該校念的一年學(xué)期結(jié)束時——那應(yīng)該是她最后的一年，也就是十三年級——格雷斯試著去參加了歷史、植物學(xué)、動物學(xué)、英語、拉丁語和法語的考試，得到了本來無此需要的好成績?？墒堑骄旁路菟只貋?，說她還想學(xué)物理、化學(xué)、三角、幾何與代數(shù)，雖然這些科目一般認(rèn)為都是女學(xué)生最不易學(xué)好的。那一學(xué)年結(jié)束時，她已經(jīng)學(xué)了十三年級所有的科目，除了希臘語、意大利語、西班牙語和德語，但她在的那所學(xué)校里都沒有教這些科目的老師。她在三門數(shù)學(xué)課與自然科學(xué)課程上成績也都不錯，雖然不如上一年那么突出。她也曾想過，那么，是不是可以自學(xué)希臘語、西班牙語、意大利語和德語呢，這樣，就可以試著參加明年的相關(guān)考試了?？墒菍W(xué)校的校長跟她談了一次話，告訴她這樣做達(dá)不到什么目的，因為她反正也沒有可能上大學(xué)，更何況大學(xué)課程也是不需要如此完備的一份“拼盤”的。她為什么要這么做呢？她有什么計劃嗎？

She was twenty years old, and had just finished high school. She should have finished a year ago, but she had made an odd choice. In the very small town where she lived—it was not far from Mrs. Travers’ Pembroke—there was nevertheless a high school, which offered five grades, to prepare you for the government exams and what was then called senior matriculation. It was never necessary to study all the subjects offered, and at the end of her first year—what should have been her final year, Grade Thirteen—Grace tried examinations in History and Botany and Zoology and English and Latin and French, receiving unnecessarily high marks. But there she was in September, back again, proposing to study Physics and Chemistry, Trigonometry, Geometry, and Algebra, though these subjects were considered particularly hard for girls. When she had finished that year, she would have covered all Grade Thirteen subjects except Greek and Italian and Spanish and German, which were not taught by any teacher in her school. She did creditably well in all three branches of mathematics and in the sciences, though her results were nothing like so spectacular as the year before. She had even thought, then, of teaching herself Greek and Spanish and Italian and German so that she could try those exams the next year. But the principal of the school had a talk with her, telling her this was getting her nowhere since she was not going to be able to go to college, and anyway no college course required such a full plate. Why was she doing it? Did she have any plans?

沒有，格雷斯說，她只是想把義務(wù)教育能免費提供的東西全都學(xué)到手罷了。以后仍然是去干她編藤椅的手藝活。

No, said Grace, she just wanted to learn everything you could learn for free. Before she started her career of caning.

校長認(rèn)識這家小旅店的經(jīng)理，他說，如果她想試著做一下夏季女招待，他可以幫著引薦。他也提到了體驗人生況味這樣的話。

It was the principal who knew the manager of the inn, and said he would put in a word for her if she wanted to try for a summer waitressing job. He too mentioned getting a taste of life.

看來，即使是身在其位管理教育的人也并不相信學(xué)習(xí)必定與生活有關(guān)系。每當(dāng)格雷斯告訴別人自己做了什么——她這么做是為了解釋為什么自己在中學(xué)里遲了一年畢業(yè)——那些人聽了后沒有一個不對她說，你必定是瘋了。

So even the man in charge of all learning in that place did not believe that learning had to do with life. And anybody Grace told about what she had done—she told it to explain why she was late leaving high school—had said something like you must have been crazy.

只有特拉弗斯太太沒有這樣說。她上的是商業(yè)學(xué)院而不是一所真正的大學(xué)，因為人家對她說，她必須得“有實用”，可是她現(xiàn)在懊悔得不得了——她是這樣說的——但愿當(dāng)初給塞進(jìn)她腦子里的是些——或者首先是些——不實用的東西。

Except for Mrs. Travers, who had been sent to business college instead of a real college because she was told she had to be useful, and who now wished like anything—she said—that she had crammed her mind instead, or first, with what was useless

“不過你的確得有個職業(yè)以維持生計，”她說，“編藤椅看來還是件很實用的事情。以后再看看有什么機(jī)會吧。”

“Though you do have to earn a living,” she said. “Caning chairs seems like a useful sort of thing to do anyway. We’ll have to see.”

看什么？格雷斯一點兒也不愿想以后的事。她希望生活就像現(xiàn)在一樣延續(xù)下去。她跟別的姑娘調(diào)換班次，使自己星期天從早餐之后就能休息。這意味著每逢星期六晚上她都必須干得很晚。事實上，她是在把和莫里相處的時間換成與莫里一家相處的時間。她和莫里如今再也無法一起去看場電影了，再也沒有機(jī)會兩人單獨相聚了。不過他會在她下班時去接她，大約在十一點鐘，他們會駕車出去兜兜，在某處停下來吃個蛋筒冰激凌或是一份漢堡包——莫里很嚴(yán)格注意不帶她進(jìn)酒吧，因為她還不到二十一歲——最后找個地方把車子停下來親熱一番。

See what? Grace didn’t want to think ahead at all. She wanted life to continue just as it was now. By trading shifts with another girl, she had managed to get Sundays off, from breakfast on. This meant that she always worked late on Saturdays. In effect, it meant that she had traded time with Maury for time with Maury’s family. She and Maury could never see a movie now, never have a real date. But he would pick her up when her work was finished, around eleven o’clock, and they would go for a drive, stop for ice cream or a hamburger—Maury was scrupulous about not taking her into a bar, because she was not yet twenty-one—then end up parking somewhere.

格雷斯對這樣的親熱場景——往往會延續(xù)到凌晨一兩點鐘——的記憶，似乎倒不如別的一些時候的來得更深刻，比如圍坐在特拉弗斯家圓餐桌旁時，或是——當(dāng)每一個人終于都站立起來，端著杯咖啡或是別的什么新鮮飲料——坐到房間另一端的黃褐色皮沙發(fā)、搖椅或加了墊子的柳條椅子上的時候。（倒用不著有人花力氣來收拾餐具并清洗廚房——第二天早上自有位被特拉弗斯太太稱為“我的朋友、能干的艾貝爾太太”來包辦這一切的。）

Grace’s memories of these parking sessions—which might last till one or two in the morning—proved to be much hazier than her memories of sitting at the Traverses’ round dining table or—when everybody finally got up and moved, with coffee or fresh drinks—sitting on the tawny leather sofa, the rockers, the cushioned wicker chairs, at the other end of the room. (There was no fuss about doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen—a woman Mrs. Travers called “my friend the able Mrs. Abel” would come in the morning.)

莫里經(jīng)常把墊子拉到地毯上，在那里坐下。格蕾琴來吃飯從不換一套正規(guī)些的衣服，仍然是一條牛仔褲或是軍褲，她一般總是交叉著雙腿，坐在一把寬大的椅子里。她和莫里都是大身架、寬肩膀，繼承了母親的某些好的相貌——焦糖色的卷發(fā)、暖人心的榛子色的眼睛。甚至臉上還有酒窩呢，不過只是莫里才有。小帥哥一個呀，別的女招待都這么稱贊他。她們輕輕吹上一聲口哨，嘴里說上一句：相好的來了。特拉弗斯太太身高也就是差不多五英尺，罩在亮麗的穆穆袍下面的身體不顯得胖，只是挺敦實的，就跟一個還沒充分長成的孩子似的。不過她眼睛里那種明亮、專注的目光，隨時都會綻放出來的笑意，卻是沒有也不可能被人模仿或是繼承的。兒女們也沒有她臉頰上那種粗糙得像是出了疹子似的紅顏色。這可能是任何惡劣的天氣都不加以考慮硬要出門而造成的，這就像她的體形和她的穆穆袍一樣，顯示出了她那獨來獨往的個性。

Maury always dragged cushions onto the rug and sat there. Gretchen, who never dressed for dinner in anything but jeans or army pants, usually sat cross-legged in a wide chair. Both she and Maury were big and broad-shouldered, with something of their mother’s good looks—her wavy caramel-colored hair, and warm hazel eyes. Even, in Maury’s case, a dimple. Cute, the other waitresses called Maury. They whistled softly. Hubbahubba. Mrs. Travers, however, was barely five feet tall, and under her bright muumuus she seemed not fat but sturdily plump, like a child who hasn’t stretched up yet. And the shine, the intentness, of her eyes, the gaiety always ready to break out, had not or could not be imitated or inherited. No more than the rough red, almost a rash, on her cheeks. That was probably the result of going out in any weather without taking thought of her complexion, and like her figure, like her muumuus, it showed her independence.

在那些星期天的晚上，除了家人，也會有幾個來客。一對夫妻，也可能是一個單身客人，年齡與特拉弗斯夫婦相仿，脾氣也跟他們差不多，女的熱情機(jī)智，男的話少一些，動作穩(wěn)重一些，性格也隨和一些。大家講一些有趣的故事，往往是說他們自己是多么可笑。（格雷斯一向都是個熱心的交談?wù)?，所以此刻都有點煩自己了，現(xiàn)在再讓她回憶起吃飯時講的那些笑話曾讓她覺得多么有趣，都已經(jīng)很難了。在她老家那邊，大多數(shù)有刺激性的笑話都帶點葷味兒，當(dāng)然，她的舅公舅婆是不參加進(jìn)去的。他們家難得來了客人時，大家講的無非是人家夸獎菜怎么可口啦，而自己則謙虛一番，要不就是聊聊天氣，心底卻但愿這頓飯能快點吃完。）

There were sometimes guests, besides family, on these Sunday evenings. A couple, maybe a single person as well, usually close to Mr. and Mrs. Travers’ age, and usually resembling them in the way the women would be eager and witty and the men quieter, slower, tolerant. People told amusing stories, in which the joke was often on themselves. (Grace has been an engaging talker for so long now that she sometimes gets sick of herself, and it’s hard for her to remember how novel these dinner conversations once seemed to her. Where she came from, most of the lively conversation took the form of dirty jokes, which of course her aunt and uncle did not go in for. On the rare occasions when they had company, there was praise of and apology for the food, discussion of the weather, and a fervent wish for the meal to be finished as soon as possible.)

在特拉弗斯家，晚飯吃完后，如果天氣確實有點涼，特拉弗斯先生就會把爐火點燃。大家會玩特拉弗斯太太稱作“愚人字謎”的游戲，其實玩的時候，參加者還得相當(dāng)聰明才行，即使在他們想編出特幼稚的謎底時。吃飯時言語不多的人現(xiàn)在可以一顯身手了?？此苹闹囈褬O的謎面，答案倒可能是相當(dāng)機(jī)智。格蕾琴的丈夫沃特猜中了，過了一會兒格雷斯也猜中了，這使得特拉弗斯太太和莫里都很高興。（莫里大聲喊道：“瞧，我不是跟你們說過嗎？她可聰明了?！边@話讓大家都覺得有趣，只除了格雷斯自己。）特拉弗斯太太帶頭編一些特別好玩的謎面，好使這個游戲不至于過于沉悶，也免得讓猜謎者過于焦慮。

After dinner at the Traverses’, if the evening was cool enough, Mr. Travers lit a fire. They played what Mrs. Travers called “idiotic word games,” at which, in fact, people had to be fairly clever, even if they thought up silly definitions. And here was where somebody who had been rather quiet at dinner might begin to shine. Mock arguments could be built up around claims of great absurdity. Gretchen’s husband Wat did this, and so after a bit did Grace, to Mrs. Travers’ and Maury’s delight (Maury calling out, to everyone’s amusement but Grace’s own, “See? I told you. She’s smart”). And it was Mrs. Travers herself who led the way in this making up of words with outrageous defenses, insuring that the play should not become too serious or any player too anxious.

唯一一次使得玩游戲的人感到不愉快的是梅維斯來吃飯的那回，她是特拉弗斯太太的兒子尼爾的妻子。梅維斯和她那兩個孩子住得不遠(yuǎn)，就在湖下游她父母親的家里。那天晚上在的只有特拉弗斯自己一家人，還有格雷斯，本來是期待梅維斯、尼爾帶著他們那兩個小小孩一起來的。可是只有梅維斯一個人來——尼爾是位大夫，這個周末因為有事留在了渥太華。特拉弗斯太太很是失望，但她還是強(qiáng)裝笑顏，快樂地喊道：“不過孩子們不至于是留在了渥太華吧，是嗎？”

The only time there was a problem of anyone’s being unhappy with a game was when Mavis, who was married to Mrs. Travers’ son Neil, came to dinner. Mavis and her two children were staying not far away, at her parents’ place down the lake. That night there was only family, and Grace, as Mavis and Neil had been expected to bring their small children. But Mavis came by herself—Neil was a doctor, and it turned out that he was busy in Ottawa that weekend. Mrs. Travers was disappointed but she rallied, calling out in cheerful dismay, “But the children aren’t in Ottawa, surely?”

“倒霉的是，沒有，”梅維斯說，“不過他們情況正不順呢。我肯定吃飯時他們會從頭鬧到底的。小的那個身上出痱子，而米基天知道又怎么不開心了?！?/span>

“Unfortunately not,” said Mavis. “But they’re not being particularly charming. I’m sure they’d shriek all through dinner. The baby’s got prickly heat and God knows what’s the matter with Mikey.”

她是個讓太陽曬得黑黑的瘦女子，穿一條紫色的連衣裙，用一條相配稱的紫色寬帶子把深色頭發(fā)攏在腦后。其實人還是挺好看的，只是嘴角那里多出了兩個小鼓包，表示她看什么都不順眼，人正煩著呢。她盤子里的食物幾乎一動都沒動，說是對咖喱過敏。

She was a slim suntanned woman in a purple dress, with a matching wide purple band holding back her dark hair. Handsome, but with little pouches of boredom or disapproval hiding the corners of her mouth. She left most of her dinner untouched on her plate, explaining that she had an allergy to curry.

“哦，梅維斯。這太糟了，”特拉弗斯太太說，“是新得的嗎？”

“Oh, Mavis. What a shame,” said Mrs. Travers. “Is this new?”

“哦，不。我得了都有好多年了，只是過去礙于禮貌沒有說?？墒俏以僖膊幌氚胍拱胍沟胤笎盒牧??！?/span>

“Oh no. I’ve had it for ages but I used to be polite about it. Then I got sick of throwing up half the night.”

“你要是早些告訴我們——我們另外給你做點別的什么好嗎？”

“If you’d only told me— What can we get you?”

“不用麻煩了，我沒事兒。反正我一點胃口都沒有，天這么熱，當(dāng)媽媽的又有這么多的福氣，我是任什么都吃不下去的了?！?/span>

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. I don’t have any appetite anyway, what with the heat and the joys of motherhood.”

她點燃了一支香煙。

She lit a cigarette.

后來，在玩游戲時，她跟沃特為了他用的一個字的意思而爭吵起來，翻字典后證明這樣解釋是可以的，她就說：“哦，我很抱歉?？磥砦业臋n次已經(jīng)遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)落后于你們諸位了?！钡搅嗣恳粋€人都得交一張紙，寫上自己挑選的字，以便下一輪用的時候，她笑了笑，搖搖頭說：

Afterwards, in the game, she got into an argument with Wat over a definition he used, and when the dictionary proved it acceptable she said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just outclassed by you people.” And when it came time for everybody to hand in their own word on a slip of paper for the next round, she smiled and shook her head.

“我可想不出有什么字可寫的。”

“I don’t have one.”

“哦，梅維斯?！碧乩ニ固f。接著特拉弗斯先生也說：“寫吧，梅維斯。隨便哪個用過的字都是可以的?！?/span>

“Oh, Mavis,” said Mrs. Travers. And Mr. Travers said, “Come on, Mavis. Any old word will do.”

“可是我一個用過的字都沒有。我非常抱歉。我就是覺得今天晚上腦子特別不好使。你們別管我，只管玩你們的好了?！?/span>

“But I don’t have any old word. I’m so sorry. I just feel stupid tonight. The rest of you just play around me.”

他們也的確這樣玩下去，都裝作沒出什么不對頭的事似的，與此同時，梅維斯抽她的煙，仍然裝出一副執(zhí)意顯得很可愛的受傷后的苦笑。不一會兒，她站起身子，說她真的很累，她那兩個孩子再麻煩外公外婆管著也不合適了，她在這里做客，感到非常有意思也很受教益，不過現(xiàn)在她真的要回去了。

Which they did, everybody pretending nothing was wrong, while Mavis smoked and continued to smile her determined sweetly hurt unhappy smile. In a little while she got up and said she was awfully tired, and she couldn’t leave her children on their grandparents’ hands any longer, she’d had a lovely and instructive visit, and she must now go home.

“圣誕節(jié)來到時，我得送一本牛津字典給你們。”出門時，她發(fā)出刺耳的大笑聲，不特別針對某一個人地說道。

“I have to give you an Oxford dictionary next Christmas,” she said to nobody in particular as she went out with a bitter tinkle of a laugh.

沃特所用的特拉弗斯家的字典是美國出版的。

The Traverses’ dictionary that Wat had used was an American one.

她走了以后，誰也沒有看誰。特拉弗斯太太說：“格蕾琴，你還有力氣給我們大家煮一壺咖啡嗎？”格蕾琴朝廚房走去，嘴里嘟噥著說：“真逗。耶穌都受不了呀?！?/span>

When she was gone none of them looked at each other. Mrs. Travers said, “Gretchen, do you have the strength to make us all a pot of coffee?” And Gretchen went off to the kitchen, muttering, “What fun. Jesus wept.”

“唉。她也不容易，”特拉弗斯太太說，“拖著兩個孩子呢?！?/span>

“Well. Her life is trying,” said Mrs. Travers. “With the two little ones.”

每個星期里，從早餐清理完餐廳到開始擺設(shè)晚餐的桌子，格雷斯可以有一次休息。特拉弗斯太太在得知這一點后，便開動汽車去伯萊瀑布，把格雷斯接到湖濱，讓她享受這自由的幾個小時。莫里此時是要上班的——這個夏天他是和修路工人一起在修整七號公路——而沃特則要去渥太華他的辦公室上班，格蕾琴會陪孩子們游泳或是在湖上劃船。特拉弗斯太太一般總會說她要去購物，或是要準(zhǔn)備晚餐，或是有信要寫，她讓格雷斯獨自待在寬大、涼爽、有遮陰的起居室里，那里擺著永遠(yuǎn)有凹痕的沙發(fā)和好幾個塞得滿滿的書架。

During the week Grace got a break, for one day, between clearing breakfast and setting up dinner, and when Mrs. Travers found out about this she started driving up to Bailey’s Falls to bring her down to the lake for those free hours. Maury would be at work then—he was working for the summer with the road gang repairing Highway 7—and Wat would be in his office in Ottawa and Gretchen would be swimming with the children or rowing with them on the lake. Usually Mrs. Travers herself would announce that she had shopping to do, or preparations to make for supper, or letters to write, and she would leave Grace on her own in the big, cool, shaded living-dining room, with its permanently dented leather sofa and crowded bookshelves.

喜歡什么就拿下來看好了，”特拉弗斯太太說，“你若想歪一會兒，想睡，怎么的都行。你干的活兒很辛苦，一定很累。我反正保證你能準(zhǔn)時回去就是了?！?/span>

“Read anything that takes your fancy,” Mrs. Travers said. “Or curl up and go to sleep if that’s what you’d like. It’s a hard job, you must be tired. I’ll make sure you’re back on time.”

格雷斯一分鐘也沒睡。她光是讀書，幾乎一動都不動，短褲下面的光腿因為出汗都跟皮革粘在了一起。她渾然不覺，也許是因為讀書讀得太愉快了吧。連特拉弗斯太太的進(jìn)進(jìn)出出她都經(jīng)常視而不見，直到不得不搭車趕回去上班了才把書放下。

Grace never slept. She read. She barely moved, and below her shorts her bare legs became sweaty and stuck to the leather. Perhaps it was because of the intense pleasure of reading. Quite often she saw nothing of Mrs. Travers until it was time for her to be driven back to work.

特拉弗斯太太也不隨便開口和格雷斯聊天，直到過了相當(dāng)長的時間，格雷斯的思想已經(jīng)完全從所讀的那本書里解脫出來。這時，她才會提到這本書她也讀過，還會談?wù)勛约旱母邢搿贿^那感想經(jīng)常是既有思想內(nèi)涵又很有趣的。例如，在談到《安娜·卡列尼娜》時，她說：“我都不記得讀過多少遍了，不過我知道最初我喜歡吉提，接著又變得喜歡安娜——哦，多可怕，居然會認(rèn)可安娜，可是現(xiàn)在，最近的這一次閱讀，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己一直都是同情多莉的。多莉下鄉(xiāng)時，你知道吧，帶上了所有的那些孩子，她必須考慮怎么解決洗澡的問題，那兒沒有洗澡盆呀——我尋思人年紀(jì)一點點變大同情心也是會產(chǎn)生變化的。情感是會受到洗澡盆左右的。不過，千萬別把我的話當(dāng)真。你不會的，是吧？”

Mrs. Travers would not start any sort of conversation until enough time had passed for Grace’s thoughts to have got loose from whatever book she had been in. Then she might mention having read it herself, and say what she had thought of it—but always in a way that was both thoughtful and lighthearted. For instance she said, about Anna Karenina, “I don’t know how many times I’ve read it, but I know that first I identified with Kitty, and then it was Anna—oh, it was awful, with Anna, and now, you know, the last time I found myself sympathizing all the time with Dolly. Dolly when she goes to the country, you know, with all those children, and she has to figure out how to do the washing, there’s the problem about the washtubs—I suppose that’s just how your sympathies change as you get older. Passion gets pushed behind the washtubs. Don’t pay any attention to me, anyway. You don’t, do you?”

“我恐怕從來都不受別人看法的影響?！边B格雷斯自己都對會這樣答復(fù)感到吃驚，不知道是不是太自以為是了還是過于幼稚了，“不過我很喜歡聽您聊天?！?/span>

“I don’t know if I pay much attention to anybody.” Grace was surprised at herself and wondered if she sounded conceited or juvenile. “But I like listening to you talk.”

特拉弗斯太太笑了起來，“我也很喜歡聽自己聊天呀?！?/span>

Mrs. Travers laughed. “I like listening to myself.”

一來二去，沒過多久，莫里開始談?wù)撈鹚麄兘Y(jié)婚的事來了。短時期內(nèi)自然還不行——總要等取得資格當(dāng)上工程師才行吧——可是他談到結(jié)婚這事時像是對她對他都是再自然也不過似的。等我們結(jié)了婚，他總是這么說，格雷斯倒是既不質(zhì)疑也不反駁，只是好奇地聽著。

Somehow, around this time, Maury had begun to talk about their being married. This would not happen for quite a while— not until after he was qualified and working as an engineer—but he spoke of it as of something that she as well as he must be taking for granted. When we are married, he would say, and instead of questioning or contradicting him, Grace would listen curiously.

等他們結(jié)了婚他們要在小塞博湖邊上有一個家。離他父母住處不要太近，也別太遠(yuǎn)。當(dāng)然，那只是一處夏季的住所。別的季節(jié)里，他們就得住在他當(dāng)工程師工作需要他去的那個地方了。去什么地方都是有可能的——秘魯呀，伊拉克呀，西北地區(qū)呀。格雷斯感興趣的倒是有關(guān)旅行的想法，而不是他無比驕傲地說到咱們自己的家時所引起的聯(lián)想。這事在她看來似乎一點都不真實，可是，在她長大的那個小鎮(zhèn)的那所房子里幫她舅公干活，以編結(jié)藤椅為生，這同樣也從來都不像是真實的。

When they were married they would have a place on Little Sabot Lake. Not too close to his parents, not too far away. It would be just a summer place, of course. The rest of the time they would live wherever his work as an engineer should take them. That might be anywhere—Peru, Iraq, the Northwest Territories. Grace was delighted by the idea of such travels— rather more than she was delighted by the idea of what he spoke of, with a severe pride, as our own home. None of this seemed at all real to her, but then, the idea of helping her uncle, of taking on the life of a chair caner, in the town and the very house where she had grown up, had never seemed real either.

莫里老是問她，她在舅公舅婆面前是怎么說他的，她又打算什么時候帶他上她家里去與他們見面。其實他那么信口用的家這一個字，在她聽來還是覺得有點別扭的，雖然這個字她自己也是不得不用。在她看來，更恰當(dāng)?shù)恼f法應(yīng)當(dāng)是我舅公舅婆的家。

Maury kept asking her what she had told her aunt and uncle about him, when she was going to take him home to meet them. Even his easy use of that word—home—seemed slightly off kilter to her, though surely it was one she herself had used. It seemed more fitting to say my aunt and uncle’s house.

事實上，在她每星期所寫的短柬里，除了提到自己“有時會跟一個夏季在附近打工的男孩出去”之外，她別的什么都還沒有說呢。她語氣里給人的印象是這男孩也是在旅館里工作的。

In fact she had said nothing in her brief weekly letters, except to mention that she was “going out with a boy who works around here for the summer.” She might have given the impression that he worked at the hotel.

倒不是說她從來都沒有想過要結(jié)婚。那樣的可能性——一半是必然性吧——在她腦子里也是閃現(xiàn)過的，和靠編藤椅謀生的想法交織在一起。以前雖然沒有人追求過她，但她堅信總有一天必定會有的，而且也跟這回似的，男方立時就下定了決心。他會遇上她——說不定是拿了把椅子來修補——見到她，便一見鐘情。他必定是很英俊的——跟莫里一樣，熱情迸發(fā)的——也像莫里一樣。緊接著的便是讓人興奮的肉體上的親密接觸了。

It wasn’t as if she had never thought of getting married. That possibility—half a certainty—had been in her thoughts, along with the life of caning chairs. In spite of the fact that nobody had ever courted her, she had thought that it would happen, someday, and in exactly this way, with the man making up his mind immediately. He would see her—perhaps he would have brought a chair to be fixed—and seeing her, he would fall in love. He would be handsome, like Maury. Passionate, like Maury. Pleasurable physical intimacies would follow.

但是這樣的事卻并沒有發(fā)生。在莫里的車子里，或是在繁星映照下的草地上，她倒是愿意的。莫里雖然有此需要，但是卻不愿就這樣草率而為。他覺得自己有責(zé)任保護(hù)她。她那樣從容地自我奉獻(xiàn)倒令他有點不知所措了。他也許感覺到了冷淡吧。按部就班的投懷送抱是他所不能理解的，也是與他想象中的她不相吻合的。她自己也不理解自己是有多么冷淡——她相信她顯示出的急切必定會帶來她在孤獨與幻想中渴求的歡愉，她覺得接下來該由莫里來接手了?？墒撬麉s并沒有這樣做。

This was the thing that had not happened. In Maury’s car, or out on the grass under the stars, she was willing. And Maury was ready, but not willing. He felt it his responsibility to protect her. And the ease with which she offered herself threw him off balance. He sensed, perhaps, that it was cold. A deliberate offering which he could not understand and which did not fit in at all with his notions of her. She herself did not understand how cold she was—she believed that her show of eagerness must be leading to the pleasures she knew about, in solitude and imagining, and she felt it was up to Maury to take over. Which he would not do.

這樣的較勁兒使得兩人都很困惑，而且還稍稍有些慍怒和羞愧，因此道別時總不能不以更多的接吻、擁抱和更多的親熱話來加以補償，免得對方不高興。對于格雷斯來說，能獨處斗室，在單身宿舍里上床，把前幾個小時的印象從腦子里排除出去，這倒是件輕松的事。她覺得莫里能獨自驅(qū)車沿著公路回家，把他對自己的印象重新調(diào)整一下，以便繼續(xù)全心全意地愛她，這對于他，也必定是件能放松神經(jīng)的事。

These sieges left them both disturbed and slightly angry or ashamed, so that they could not stop kissing, clinging, using fond words, to make it up to each other as they said good night. It was a relief to Grace to be alone, to get into bed in the dormitory and blot the last couple of hours out of her mind. And she thought it must be a relief to Maury to be driving down the highway by himself, rearranging his impressions of his Grace so that he could stay wholeheartedly in love with her.

勞工節(jié)后，大多數(shù)的女招待都回到中學(xué)、大學(xué)里去了?？墒潜M管人手不足，旅館仍然要開到感恩節(jié)——格雷斯是屬于留下來繼續(xù)干活的人。據(jù)說今年的十二月初還要再開，辦冬季營業(yè)——至少是圣誕節(jié)那幾天是一定要開的，不過廚房和餐廳部的人似乎沒一個人知道是不是真會這樣。格雷斯在寫信給舅公舅婆的口氣表示圣誕節(jié)她是一定要上班的。事實上她壓根兒沒提旅館有段時間會歇業(yè)，她只說自己恐怕一直要上班到新年之后。因此他們不用等她回家了。

Most of the waitresses left after Labour Day to go back to school or college. But the hotel was staying open till Thanksgiving with a reduced staff—Grace among them. There was talk, this year, about opening again in early December for a winter season, or at least a Christmas season, but nobody amongst the kitchen or dining-room staff seemed to know if this would really happen. Grace wrote to her aunt and uncle as if the Christmas season was a certainty. In fact she did not mention any closing at all, unless possibly after New Year’s. So they should not expect her.

她為什么要這樣做呢？倒不是她還有別的計劃。她對莫里說過她覺得應(yīng)該再幫舅公一年，說不定得想法子另找個人來學(xué)編結(jié)，與此同時，他，莫里，就可以把大學(xué)的最后一年念完。她甚至還答應(yīng)圣誕節(jié)帶他回家去見見家人。而他也說圣誕節(jié)是正式宣布訂婚的好日子。他在把夏天打工的錢攢下來，準(zhǔn)備給她買一枚鉆戒呢。

Why did she do this? It was not as if she had any other plans. She had told Maury that she thought she should spend this one year helping her uncle, maybe trying to find somebody else to learn caning, while he, Maury, was taking his final year at college. She had even promised to have him visit at Christmas so that he could meet her family. And he had said that Christmas would be a good time to make their engagement formal. He was saving from his summer wages to buy her a diamond ring.

她也一直在攢錢。這樣在他上學(xué)時就可以坐大巴去金斯頓看望他了。

She too had been saving her wages. So she would be able to take the bus to Kingston, to visit him during his school term.

她說得答應(yīng)得都很輕巧。但是她真的相信——或者即使是希望，這樣的事能夠?qū)崿F(xiàn)嗎？

She spoke of this, promised it, so easily. But did she believe, or even wish, that it would happen?

“莫里是個有純金品質(zhì)的人，”特拉弗斯太太說，“這，你自己也是能看出來的。他會是一個可愛單純的丈夫的，像他的父親一樣。他跟他哥哥尼爾不一樣。他哥哥尼爾非常聰明。我不是說莫里不聰明，腦子里缺根弦又怎么當(dāng)?shù)贸晒こ處熌兀贿^尼爾——他這人深沉?！彼驗樽约哼@樣說而笑了起來，“深不可測的海底洞穴——我說的是什么呀？很長時間尼爾和我相依為命，再也沒有任何人可以指望。因此我覺得他是很了不起的。我不是說他沒有幽默感。但是有的時候最嘻嘻哈哈的人反倒很憂郁，是不是這樣？你簡直弄不懂這究竟是怎么一回事。不過為自己已經(jīng)成年的孩子擔(dān)憂，這又有什么用呢？我是有點為尼爾擔(dān)心，為莫里只是稍稍擔(dān)心一點點。為格蕾琴，我是壓根兒不操心。因為女人總是有內(nèi)在的力量能讓自己活下去的，是不是這樣？男人倒不見得有呢。”

“Maury is a sterling character,” said Mrs. Travers. “Well, you can see that for yourself. He will be a dear uncomplicated man, like his father. Not like his brother. His brother Neil is very bright. I don’t mean that Maury isn’t, you certainly don’t get to be an engineer without a brain or two in your head, but Neil is—he’s deep.” She laughed at herself. “Deep unfathomable caves of ocean bear—what am I talking about? A long time Neil and I didn’t have anybody but each other. So I think he’s special. I don’t mean he can’t be fun. But sometimes people who are the most fun can be melancholy, can’t they? You wonder about them. But what’s the use of worrying about your grown-up children? With Neil I worry a bit, with Maury only a tiny little bit. And Gretchen I don’t worry about at all. Because women always have got something, haven’t they, to keep them going? That men haven’t got.”

湖邊的別墅不到感恩節(jié)是不會封閉的。格蕾琴和她那些孩子自然得回渥太華，因為要上學(xué)。莫里呢，這兒的工程結(jié)束了，便得去金斯頓。特拉弗斯先生一般只是周末才來這兒。不過，特拉弗斯太太總是會繼續(xù)待下去的，她告訴格雷斯，有時候和客人在一起，有時候是獨自一人住在這里。

The house on the lake was never closed up till Thanksgiving. Gretchen and the children had to go back to Ottawa, of course, because of school. And Maury, whose job was finished, had to go to Kingston. Mr. Travers would come out only on weekends. But usually, Mrs. Travers had told Grace, she stayed on, sometimes with guests, sometimes by herself.

可是她的計劃有了變化。九月間，她隨特拉弗斯先生回了渥太華。這事來得很突然——周末的晚宴取消了。

Then her plans were changed. She went back to Ottawa with Mr. Travers in September. This happened unexpectedly—the weekend dinner was cancelled.

莫里說她偶爾會出點問題，神經(jīng)方面的問題?！八仨毜眯菹⑸弦魂囎樱彼f，“她得進(jìn)醫(yī)院去待上一兩個星期，使自己能夠安定下來。不過她總是會好起來，然后就出院的?！?/span>

Maury said that she got into trouble, now and then, with her nerves. “She has to have a rest,” he said. “She has to go into the hospital for a couple of weeks or so and they get her stabilized. She always comes out fine.”

格雷斯說他母親看上去挺好的，一點兒都不像有這樣的病嘛。

Grace said that his mother was the last person she would have expected to have such troubles.

“怎么會得的呢？”

“What brings it on?”

“我想家里人恐怕都不清楚吧。”莫里說。

“I don’t think they know,” Maury said.

可是過了一會兒他又說：“呃?？赡苁且驗樗恼煞颉Ｎ沂侵杆牡谝粋€丈夫。尼爾的父親。他的遭遇，等等等等?！?/span>

But after a moment he said, “Well. It could be her husband. I mean, her first husband. Neil’s father. What happened with him, et cetera.”

尼爾的父親原來是自殺的。

What had happened was that Neil’s father had killed himself

“他情緒很不穩(wěn)定，我猜?！?/span>

“He was unstable, I guess.

“不過呢，也不一定是因為她前夫，”他接著說，“也可能是別的原因。我母親那樣年紀(jì)的女人常會有這類的問題的。不過問題不大——現(xiàn)在有了各種各樣的好藥，這種病好治。你不用擔(dān)心的?！?/span>

“But it maybe isn’t that,” he continued. “It could be other stuff. Problems women have around her age. It’s okay though— they can get her straightened around easy now, with drugs. They’ve got terrific drugs. Not to worry about it.”

到感恩節(jié)，果然如莫里所預(yù)料的那樣，特拉弗斯太太病愈出院了。感恩節(jié)聚餐像往常一樣要在湖邊家中進(jìn)行。而且也按常規(guī)在周日舉辦——跟以前一樣，因為星期一大家就要收拾行李，關(guān)窗鎖門了。這對格雷斯來說倒正合適，因為她的休假仍然是安排在星期天。

By Thanksgiving, as Maury had predicted, Mrs. Travers was out of the hospital and feeling well. Thanksgiving dinner was taking place at the lake as usual. And it was being held on Sunday—that was also as usual, to allow for packing up and closing the house on Monday. And it was fortunate for Grace, because Sunday had remained her day off.

全家人都會到的。沒請客人——除非把格雷斯算作客人。尼爾、梅維斯和他們的孩子將住在梅維斯父母親那里，星期一在那邊聚餐，但是星期天他們是要在特拉弗斯家這邊過的。

The whole family would be there. No guests—unless you counted Grace. Neil and Mavis and their children would be staying at Mavis’ parents’ place, and having dinner there on Monday, but they would be spending Sunday at the Traverses’.

（未完待續(xù)）