Conversation

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None of the desires dictated by vanity is more general,or less blamable, than that of being distinguished for the arts of conversation.Other accomplishments may be possessed without?opportunity of exerting them,or wanted without danger that the defect can often be remarked; but as no man can live,otherwise than in an hermitage. without hourly pleasure or vexation,from the fondness or neglect of those about him,the faculty of giving pleasure is of continual use. Few are more frequently envied than those who have the power of forcing attention wherever they come,whose entrance is considered as a promise of felicity,and whose departure is lamented, like the recess of the sum from northern climates, as a privation of all that enlivens fancy,or inspirits gaiety.

It is apparent,that to excellence in this valuable art,some peculiar qualifications are necessary:for every one's experience will inform him, that the pleasure which men are able to give in conversation,holds no stated proportion to their knowledge or their virtue. Many find their way to the tables and the parties of those who never consider them as of the least importance in any other place: we have all, at one time or other, been con-tent to love those whom we could not esteem,and been persuaded to try the dangerous experiment of admitting him for a companion. whom we knew to be too ignorant for a counsellor, and too treacherous for a friend.

I question whether some abatement of character is not necessary to general acceptance. Few spend their time with much satisfaction under the eye of uncontestable superiority; and therefore,among those whose presence is courted at assemblies of jollity,there are seldom found men eminently distinguished for powers or acquisitions. The wit whose vivacity condemns slower tongues to silence,the scholar whose knowledge allows no man to fancy that he instructs him, the critic who suffers no fancy to pass undetected, and the reasoner who condemns the idle to thought,and the negligent to attention,are generally praised and feared, reverenced and avoided.

He that would please must rarely aim at such excellence as depresses his hearers in their own opinion,or debars them from the hope of contributing reciprocally to the entertainment of the company. Merriment,extorted by sallies of imagination, sprightliness of remark,or quickness of reply,is too often what the Latins call,the Sardinian laughter,a distortion of the face without gladness of heart.

For this reason,no style of conversation is more extensively acceptable than the narrative. He who has stored his memory with slight anecdotes,private incidents,and personal peculiarities,seldom fails to find his audience favourable.Almost every man listens with eagerness to contemporary history; for almost every man has some real or imaginary connexion with a celebrated character,some desire to advance or oppose a rising name. Vanity often co-operates with curiosity. He that is a hearer in one place,qualifies himself to become a speaker in an-other; for though he cannot comprehend a series of argument, or transport the volatile spirit of wit without evaporation, he yet thinks himself able to treasure up the various incidents of a story,and please his hopes with the information which he shall give to some inferior society.

Narratives are for the most part heard without envy, because they are not supposed to imply any intellectual qualities above the common rate.To be acquainted with facts not yet echoed by plebeian mouths,may happen to one man as well as to another; and to relate them when they are known,has in appearance so little difficulty, that every once concludes himself equal to the task.

But it is not easy,and in some situations of life not possible, to accumulate such a stock of materials as may support the expense of continual narration;and it frequently happens,that they who attempt this method of ingratiating themselves, please only at the first interview; and, for want of new supplies of intelligence,wear out their stories by continual repetition.

There would be,therefore,little hope of obtaining the praise of a good companion,were it not to be gained by more compendious methods; but such is the kindness of mankind to all, except those who aspire to real merit and rational dignity, that every understanding may find some way to excite benevolence; and whoever is not envied may learn the art of procuring love. We are willing to be pleased,but are not willing to ad-mire: we favour the mirth or officiousness that solicits our regard, but oppose the worth or spirit that enforces it.

The first place among those that please,because they desire only to please, is due to the merry fellow,whose laugh is loud, and whose voice is strong;who is ready to echo every jest with obstreperous approbation, and countenance every frolick with vociferations of applause.It is not necessary to a merry fellow to have in himself any fund of jocularity or force of conception; it is sufficient that he always appears in the highest exaltation of gladness,for the greater part of mankind are gay or serious by infection, and follow without resistance the at-traction of example.

Next to the merry fellow is the good-natured man,a being generally without benevolence,or any other virtue, than such as indolence and insensibility confer. The characteristic of a good-natured man is to bear a joke; to sit unmoved and unaffected amidst noise and turbulence,profaneness and obscenity; to hear every tale without contradiction; to endure insult with-out reply; and to fallow the stream of folly,whatever course it shall happen to take. The good-natured man is commonly the darling of the petty wits, with whom they exercise themselves in the rudiments of raillery;for he never takes advantage of failings, nor disconcerts a puny satirist with unexpected sarcasms; but while the glass continues to circulate. contentedly bears the expense of an uninterrupted laughter,and retires rejoicing at his own importance.

The modest nun is companion of a yet lower rank.whose only power of giving pleasure is not to interrupt it. The modest man satisfies himself with peaceful silence, which all his companions are candid enough to consider as proceeding not from inability to speak, but willingness to hear.

Many,without being able to attain any general character of excellence, have some single art of entertainment which serves them as a passport through the world.One I have known for fifteen years the darling of a weekly club,because every night,precisely at eleven, he begins his favourite song, and during the vocal performance, by corresponding motions of his hand,chalks out a giant upon the wall. Another has endeared himself to a long succession of acquaintances by sitting among them with his wig reversed; another by contriving to smut the nose of any stranger who was to be initiated in the club; another by purring like a cat,and then pretending to be frighted;and another by yelping like a hound,and calling to the drawers to drive out the dog.

Such are the arts by which cheerfulness is promoted, and sometimes friendship established;arts,which those who despise them should not rigorously blame,except when they are practised at the expense of innocence; for it is always necessary to be loved, but not always necessary to be reverenced.

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虛榮心使人生出種種愿望，其中最普通，或者最少受非議的，莫過于希望能以談話藝術博得他人刮目相看。人或許會有其他才藝但卻沒有機會施展;即使沒有，也不必擔心這一缺陷會經(jīng)常被人發(fā)現(xiàn)。但是，除非歸隱山林，人只要活在世界上，就難免會因四周親友的時親時疏，有時得意，有時氣惱，所以，予人快樂的本領也就始終會有用武之地。有些人不論到哪里都能成為眾人矚目的中心，一進門就仿佛歡樂也同時降臨，但是一旦離去，大家又會惋惜不已，紡佛北方嚴寒天氣里太陽突然消隱，仿佛想象失去了靈感，歡樂失去了源泉，少有其他人能像他們那樣經(jīng)常受到大家的艷羨。

顯而易見，若要諳練這一寶貴藝術的精妙，必須具備某些特殊條件。我們的經(jīng)驗告訴我們，有人雖能通過談話給人快樂，但是給人快樂的多寡與其道德學問并無相應的比例關系。許多人，若是換在其他場合，你決不會認為他們有什么重要，但是他們卻會成為你家餐桌或者聚會的座上嘉賓。有些人，你雖無法尊敬，但卻常常情不自禁地歡喜。有些人，你明知他們不學無術，不足以成為良師，而且狡黠多變，亦不足以成為益友，但卻依然愿意冒險一試，將他們引為伴侶。

我十分懷疑，如果沒有一點優(yōu)容忍性的涵養(yǎng)，是否還能左右逢源，受人歡迎。很少有人樂于在咄咄逼人的傲慢目光下度過他們的時間，因此，凡被爭相邀請出席歡樂聚會的人，鮮見有錢有勢的顯責人士。詼諧幽默者，如果妙語連珠，迫使拙于言辭的人羞于啟口;飽學之士，如果高深莫測，令人難以從中受到教益;批評家，如果對每個謬誤都不輕易放過;善于思辨者，如果迫使懶于思考的人不得不思考，迫使漫不經(jīng)心的人不得不集中注意力，那么，十之八九，雖會受到稱頌贊揚，卻令人感到畏懼，雖會受到崇敬，卻令人退避三舍。

要想使人高興，就不能為了炫耀自己談話藝術之精妙，迫使他人只能洗耳恭聽，不敢發(fā)表自己的一得之見，或者剝奪他人希望，使他們無法貢獻自己的一份力量，以達到悅?cè)苏f己的目的。如果僅靠想象奇特、話語俏皮、應對敏捷而使人歡笑，那么，那笑聲往往只是拉丁人所說的撒丁人的笑聲，臉上雖然強顏歡笑，心里卻毫無快樂可言。

因此，若要受到眾人普遍歡迎，談話之道莫過于敘事。凡是腹中裝滿瑣聞軼事、秘事掌故、奇行怪癖的人，極少不受聽眾偏愛。幾乎人人都愛聽當代史話，因為幾乎人人都與某位名人有著某種或想象的關系，對于聲譽口隆的名字都有一種或褒或貶的愿望。虛榮心與好奇心常常攜手合作。有人在某個場合只能洗耳恭聽，但到另一個場合便有了侃侃而談的資格。他雖不能理解一系列論點，不能如實傳達詼皆幽默的歡快精神，但卻自信能將故事細節(jié)珍藏于心中，并且慶幸有了這些材料，便可滿足自己的愿望，今后再將這些故事奉獻給比自己孤陋寡聞的聽眾。

敘事一般說來不會引起聽眾的妒忌之心，因為沒有人會認為敘事需要任何超越常人的聰明才智。知道一些尚未被市井小民傳聞的事實，這樣的巧事人人都能碰上;知道這些事實之后再轉(zhuǎn)述給別人聽，似乎也無多大困難，人人都會認為自己可以勝任。

但是，要積累足夠的材料，補充不斷講述的消耗，卻也不是一件容易的事，在某些情況下甚至不可能。因此，試圖用這種辦法自我陶醉的人，往往只能在初次與人見面時討得他人歡心，因為沒有新的談資供應，故事經(jīng)過多次重復便會難以為繼。

為此，如果不另謀更為簡便易行的辦法，就休想贏得好的伴侶的贊賞。但是，除了那些景仰真正才學品德和理性尊嚴的人之外，人類對于其他人都是寬大為懷。所以，只要能夠善解人意便總能贏得善意的回報，只要不遭人妒忌便總能贏得他人喜愛。我們都樂于成為他人討好的對象，卻不甘心贊美他人：我們喜歡別人為博得我們的尊敬而說笑湊趣或者殷勤賜教，但卻拒絕接受強行要求我們尊敬的價值或精神。

最能博得別人歡心的人首推那些樂天派，因為他們唯一的愿望就是讓人高興。他們笑聲爽朗，嗓音雄渾，每聽到值得一笑的笑話便會大聲喝采，每遇到值得高興的事就報之以陣陣掌聲。樂天派本身無需博得他人歡笑的資本，也不具備任何領悟能力，他們只需要出現(xiàn)時永遠處于興高采烈狀態(tài)便已足矣。因為一般說來，人的情緒，或歡快或嚴肅，均受他人感染，一旦有人作出表率，便會情不自禁效法模仿。

僅次于樂天派的是那些性格隨和的人。這些人一般說來并非充滿仁愛之心，也無其他崇高品德，其優(yōu)點僅僅在于反應遲鈍，感情麻木。性格隨和的人的最大特點在于能夠容忍笑話;即使置身于喧嘩騷亂、污言穢語之中也能依然端坐，不為所動，不受影響;每個故事，他們都洗耳恭聽，不表示任何異議;受到羞辱，他們也甘心忍受，不予反擊;不論發(fā)生怎樣荒誕不經(jīng)的事情，他們也會緊跟其后，隨波逐流。性格隨和的人一般最受機智淺薄者的寵愛，是他們練習基本諧謔技巧的理想對象，因為性格隨和的人從來不會利用別人的弱點，對于并不高明的嘲諷奚落也不會突然反唇相譏，令人難堪，但在觥籌交錯之中卻心甘情愿始終充當他人笑料，席散之后則更是洋洋得意，自以為是個重要角色。

生性謙虛的人則只能與更低一級的平庸之輩為伍，他們唯一予人快樂的本領在于永不打斷別人。生性謙虛的人只求沉默靜聽，便心滿意足。他的同伴都會真心實意以為他的沉默不是由于木訥寡言，而是樂于靜聽。

還有許多人，他們無法掌握一般類型的精湛技藝，卻也自有一套辦法討人歡喜，憑了這套辦法，他們猶如有了通行證，同樣可以通行無阻。其中一位，我認識已有十五年，是一家俱樂部的寵兒。這家俱樂部每周聚會一次，每逢聚會的夜晚，11 點一到，他便準時演唱他最喜歡的那首歌曲，而且一面演唱，一面用手配之以各種姿勢，在墻上映出一個巨大身影。另外一位，總是反戴假發(fā)套出席一次又一次朋友的聚會，以此博得他們的鐘愛。還有一位，每逢新會員入會，他總要想方設法把這位陌生人的鼻子抹黑。除此之外，還有一位靠的是學貓叫，然后又裝出一副受到驚嚇的模樣。再有一位，則是一面學狗叫，一面吆喝酒保將狗趕出去。

上述種種，都是可以增加歡樂氣氛的藝術，有時還能建立友誼。對于這些藝術，有人或許會嗤之以鼻，但是只要運用之時并不傷及無辜，務請不必嚴厲地加以責備;因為我們都永遠需要被人喜歡，卻并不永遠需要受人崇敬。