不要把這個(gè)人看成不變量（stick on the one - 這個(gè)人是我命中之人, create a kind of static image of a person, this person is right for me, I really like this person），把其他的東西（例如他的行為、你對戀愛的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)）看成變量，而要把自己的戀愛標(biāo)準(zhǔn)、自己的boundary，看成不變量，如果這個(gè)人觸犯了，那么，他可能不是對的人。

We're no longer qualifying that based on what's actually happening, we've decided on our mind. So now what we're trying to do is make reality fit to the vision that we have in our mind...

To make our vision for the kind of person we want to be with the more static part of the equation. That doesn't mean it never changes of we don't update our vision. The fluid part is the behavior we witness in somebody else. If you do that, then when someone doesn't communicate well with you, when someone decides for a week to just go off the radar, and not text you or not call you; when someone treats you badly, or just starts ignoring you, ghosting you, you don't then tell yourself, "oh, the love of my life is ghosting me", you start to say, "oh, they're ghosting me, so I don't think they're the love of my life."