THE DOCTOR 謊言

原作契訶夫 Translated by Constance Garnett 1887

IT was still in the drawing-room, so still that a house-fly that had flown in from outside could be distinctly heard brushing against the ceiling. Olga Ivanovna, the lady of the villa, was standing by the window, looking out at the flower-beds and thinking. Dr. Tsvyetkov, who was her doctor as well as an old friend, and had been sent for to treat her son Misha, was sitting in an easy chair and swinging his hat, which he held in both hands, and he too was thinking. Except them, there was not a soul in the drawing-room or in the adjoining rooms. The sun had set, and the shades of evening began settling in the corners under the furniture and on the cornices.

客廳很靜，靜得能聽到蒼蠅在天花板爬過的聲音。萬紫英站在窗邊，望著自家的花壇出神。葉大夫在一旁坐著，手里擺弄著帽子，也在埋頭沉思，他不光是來給陽陽治病的大夫，更是萬女士的一位老友?？蛷d里只有他倆，毗鄰的房間空無一人。太陽落山了，屋里漸漸暗了下去。

The silence was broken by Olga Ivanovna.

萬紫英率先打破了沉默。

“No misfortune more terrible can be imagined,” she said, without turning from the window. “You know that life has no value for me whatever apart from the boy.”

“活著還有什么意思?！彼巴庹f道，“陽陽走了我也不活了?！?/p>

“Yes, I know that,” said the doctor.

“英子。”葉大夫說道。

“No value whatever,” said Olga Ivanovna, and her voice quivered. “He is everything to me. He is my joy, my happiness, my wealth. And if, as you say, I cease to be a mother, if he... dies, there will be nothing left of me but a shadow. I cannot survive it.”

“還活個什么勁?！比f紫英的聲音顫抖著，“他是我的命，我的命根子。要是他真的…走了，我在這世上也沒盼頭了。我死了算了?！?/p>

Wringing her hands, Olga Ivanovna walked from one window to the other and went on:

萬紫英兩手緊扣，又走到另一扇窗前，繼續(xù)道：

“When he was born, I wanted to send him away to the Foundling Hospital, you remember that, but, my God, how can that time be compared with now? Then I was vulgar, stupid, feather-headed, but now I am a mother, do you understand? I am a mother, and that’s all I care to know. Between the present and the past there is an impassable gulf.”

“你還記得吧，陽陽剛生下來的時候我還想把他送去孤兒所，唉，今非昔比啊。那時候我就是個傻丫頭，可現(xiàn)在我是當媽的人了，你明白嗎？我是他媽媽，他就是我的命?，F(xiàn)在不是從前了?！?/p>

Silence followed again. The doctor shifted his seat from the chair to the sofa and impatiently playing with his hat, kept his eyes fixed upon Olga Ivanovna. From his face it could be seen that he wanted to speak, and was waiting for a fitting moment.

沉默重臨。葉大夫換了個座位，焦急地擺弄著帽子，一刻不停地望著紫英?？吹贸鏊性捪胝f，只是在等待時機。

“You are silent, but still I do not give up hope,” said the lady, turning round. “Why are you silent?”

“你怎么不說話。沒事，我不會死心的。”萬紫英轉(zhuǎn)過身，說道，“你說句話啊?！?/p>

“I should be as glad of any hope as you, Olga, but there is none,” Tsvyetkov answered, “we must look the hideous truth in the face. The boy has a tumour on the brain, and we must try to prepare ourselves for his death, for such cases never recover.”

“英子，別犟了?！比~自珍答道，“睜開眼看看吧。你兒子長了腦瘤，他沒救了，還是早做準備吧?！?/p>

?“Nikolay, are you certain you are not mistaken?”

“自珍，你是不是弄錯了？”

“Such questions lead to nothing. I am ready to answer as many as you like, but it will make it no better for us.”

“別犟了。你問多少次我也是這句話，就別再自欺欺人了。”

Olga Ivanovna pressed her face into the window curtains, and began weeping bitterly. The doctor got up and walked several times up and down the drawing-room, then went to the weeping woman, and lightly touched her arm. Judging from his uncertain movements, from the expression of his gloomy face, which looked dark in the dusk of the evening, he wanted to say something.

萬紫英把臉埋進窗簾，凄慘地痛哭著。葉大夫站起身，在屋里來回走了幾圈，這才走到窗邊的淚人身旁，輕輕拽了拽她的胳膊。從他那躊躇不定的動作、陰沉如黃昏的面色不難看出，他一定有話要說。

“Listen, Olga,” he began. “Spare me a minute’s attention; there is something I must ask you. You can’t attend to me now, though. I’ll come later, afterwards. . . .” He sat down again, and sank into thought. The bitter, imploring weeping, like the weeping of a little girl, continued. Without waiting for it to end, Tsvyetkov heaved a sigh and walked out of the drawing-room. He went into the nursery to Misha. The boy was lying on his back as before, staring at one point as though he were listening. The doctor sat down on his bed and felt his pulse.

“英子，別哭了?！彼_口道，“聽我說句話。我有件事想問你。算了，你還是先靜靜吧，等你靜下來我再問……”他又坐了回去，默默沉思著。窗邊那凄慘、哀求、像小女孩一樣的哭聲綿綿不休。葉自珍等不下去了，他嘆了口氣，走出客廳，來到陽陽的房間。孩子仍躺在床上，眼神渙散地呆望著。葉大夫坐到床邊，給孩子把了把脈。

“Misha, does your head ache?” he asked.

“頭還疼嗎，陽陽？”他問道。

Misha answered, not at once: “Yes. I keep dreaming.”

陽陽過了一會兒才回答道：“疼。我老做夢?！?/p>

“What do you dream?”

“你夢見什么了？”

“All sorts of things. . . .”

“好多東西……”

The doctor, who did not know how to talk with weeping women or with children, stroked his burning head, and muttered:

葉自珍不知道女人哭了該怎么哄，也不會和孩子說話。他摸了摸陽陽滾燙的額頭，低語道：

“Never mind, poor boy, never mind.... One can’t go through life without illness.... Misha, who am I — do you know me?”

“沒事的，孩子，沒事……誰一輩子還沒個病呢……陽陽，你認得我嗎？你看看我是誰？”

Misha did not answer.

陽陽沒有回答。

“Does your head ache very badly?”

“頭疼得厲害嗎？”

“Ve-ery. I keep dreaming.”

“疼，疼。我老是做夢?！?/p>

After examining him and putting a few questions to the maid who was looking after the sick child, the doctor went slowly back to the drawing-room. There it was by now dark, and Olga Ivanovna, standing by the window, looked like a silhouette.

葉大夫做了一番檢查，向照顧陽陽的女傭問了問情況，又緩緩回到了客廳?？蛷d里已經(jīng)是漆黑一片，萬紫英仍守在窗邊，宛如一幅剪影。

“Shall I light up?” asked Tsvyetkov.

“要開燈嗎？”葉自珍問道。

No answer followed. The house-fly was still brushing against the ceiling. Not a sound floated in from outside as though the whole world, like the doctor, were thinking, and could not bring itself to speak. Olga Ivanovna was not weeping now, but as before, staring at the flower-bed in profound silence. When Tsvyetkov went up to her, and through the twilight glanced at her pale face, exhausted with grief, her expression was such as he had seen before during her attacks of acute, stupefying, sick headache.

沒人應(yīng)答。天花板上仍傳來蒼蠅的嗡鳴。外面靜悄悄的，仿佛整個世界都成了啞巴，就和葉大夫一樣。萬紫英不哭了，卻依舊默默不語地望著花壇。葉大夫走上前，在余暉中望見她蒼白的臉，上面寫滿了疲憊與悲傷，這樣的神情讓他回想起她從前鬧頭疼病的時候。

“Nikolay Trofimitch!” she addressed him, “and what do you think about a consultation?”

“自珍！”她說道，“你能不能再找個大夫來？”

“Very good; I’ll arrange it to-morrow.”

“可以。明天我?guī)湍惆才??！?/p>

From the doctor’s tone it could be easily seen that he put little faith in the benefit of a consultation. Olga Ivanovna would have asked him something else, but her sobs prevented her. Again she pressed her face into the window curtain. At that moment, the strains of a band playing at the club floated in distinctly. They could hear not only the wind instruments, but even the violins and the flutes.

葉大夫的語氣擺明了再找多少人也無濟于事。萬紫英想說些什么，卻被抽泣噎了回去。她又撲進了窗簾里。就在這時，遠處傳來一班樂隊的演奏。不光聽得見管樂的聲音，就連小提琴和笛子的響聲也清晰可聞。

“If he is in pain, why is he silent?” asked Olga Ivanovna. “All day long, not a sound, he never complains, and never cries. I know God will take the poor boy from us because we have not known how to prize him. Such a treasure!”

“他既然知道疼怎么連句話也不說？”萬紫英問道，“這一整天別說哭了，他連哎喲都沒哎喲一聲。大概是老天愛這孩子，存心要和咱們搶。多好的孩子啊！”

The band finished the march, and a minute later began playing a lively waltz for the opening of the ball.

樂隊演奏完進行曲，又重奏起一支快活的舞曲，給跳舞的人助興。

“Good God, can nothing really be done?” moaned Olga Ivanovna. “Nikolay, you are a doctor and ought to know what to do! You must understand that I can’t bear the loss of him! I can’t survive it.”

“什么叫沒辦法了？”萬紫英悲吟道，“自珍，你是大夫，你一定有辦法的！我不能沒有他！我不能沒有他啊?！?/p>

The doctor, who did not know how to talk to weeping women, heaved a sigh, and paced slowly about the drawing-room. There followed a succession of oppressive pauses interspersed with weeping and the questions which lead to nothing. The band had already played a quadrille, a polka, and another quadrille. It got quite dark. In the adjoining room, the maid lighted the lamp; and all the while the doctor kept his hat in his hands, and seemed trying to say something. Several times Olga Ivanovna went off to her son, sat by him for half an hour, and came back again into the drawing-room; she was continually breaking into tears and lamentations. The time dragged agonisingly, and it seemed as though the evening had no end.

面對痛哭流涕的萬紫英，葉大夫無能為力地嘆了聲氣，緩緩在客廳里來回走著。這期間一聲聲哭號、一句句徒勞的質(zhì)問不絕于耳。樂隊已奏完了三首曲子。天黑了。女傭在鄰屋點上了燈，葉大夫一直緊握著帽子，顯然有話要說。萬紫英去看了陽陽好幾次，一陪就是半個鐘頭，眼里的淚水就沒斷過。時間拖沓地往前磨蹭著，這一個夜晚仿佛綿綿無盡。

At midnight, when the band had played the cotillion and ceased altogether, the doctor got ready to go.

午夜時分，連樂隊都散場了，葉大夫起身準備告辭。

“I will come again to-morrow,” he said, pressing the mother’s cold hand. “You go to bed.”

“早點休息吧?！彼樟宋杖f紫英冰涼的手，說道，“我明天再來?！?/p>

After putting on his greatcoat in the passage and picking up his walking-stick, he stopped, thought a minute, and went back into the drawing-room.

在走廊穿好外套，拿上拐杖，葉自珍停下來想了一會兒，又回到了客廳。

“I’ll come to-morrow, Olga,” he repeated in a quivering voice. “Do you hear?”

“英子，我明天再來。”他聲音顫抖著重復道，“英子你聽見了嗎？”

She did not answer, and it seemed as though grief had robbed her of all power of speech. In his greatcoat and with his stick still in his hand, the doctor sat down beside her, and began in a soft, tender half-whisper, which was utterly out of keeping with his heavy, dignified figure:

萬紫英一言不發(fā)，悲傷已然耗盡了她說話的力氣。葉大夫坐到她身邊，一反他高大威嚴的形象，柔聲細語地說道：

“Olga! For the sake of your sorrow which I share.... Now, when falsehood is criminal, I beseech you to tell me the truth. You have always declared that the boy is my son. Is that the truth?”

“英子！你難過，我跟你一樣難過……看在我這么難過的份上，我求你不要再騙我了。你老說陽陽是我兒子，這是真的嗎？”

Olga Ivanovna was silent.

萬紫英默不作聲。

“You have been the one attachment in my life,” the doctor went on, “and you cannot imagine how deeply my feeling is wounded by falsehood.... Come, I entreat you, Olga, for once in your life, tell me the truth.... At these moments one cannot lie. Tell me that Misha is not my son. I am waiting.”

“我這輩子只有你一個女人?！比~自珍繼續(xù)道，“你知道你騙我把我傷得有多深嗎……英子，我求你，你跟我說一次實話……生死關(guān)頭人是不會撒謊的。老實告訴我陽陽不是我兒子。你說?！?/p>

“He is.”

“他是?！?/p>

Olga Ivanovna’s face could not be seen, but in her voice the doctor could hear hesitation. He sighed.

葉大夫看不見萬紫英的臉，但聽得出她聲音里的猶豫。他長嘆一聲。

“Even at such moments you can bring yourself to tell a lie,” he said in his ordinary voice. “There is nothing sacred to you! Do listen, do understand me.... You have been the one only attachment in my life. Yes, you were depraved, vulgar, but I have loved no one else but you in my life. That trivial love, now that I am growing old, is the one solitary bright spot in my memories. Why do you darken it with deception? What is it for?”

“都這時候了你還要撒謊?！彼只氐狡匠５恼Z氣，“你難道一點良知都不顧嗎！聽我說，英子……我這輩子只愛過你一個人。是，你當時很瘋，很野，可我心里除了你裝不下別人?，F(xiàn)在想想，我這一生只有跟你在一起的日子是值得的。可你為什么要用謊言去玷污它？為什么？”

“I don’t understand you.”

“我沒有?！?/p>

“Oh my God!” cried Tsvyetkov. “You are lying, you understand very well!” he cried more loudly, and he began pacing about the drawing-room, angrily waving his stick. “Or have you forgotten? Then I will remind you! A father’s rights to the boy are equally shared with me by Petrov and Kurovsky the lawyer, who still make you an allowance for their son’s education, just as I do! Yes, indeed! I know all that quite well! I forgive your lying in the past, what does it matter? But now when you have grown older, at this moment when the boy is dying, your lying stifles me! How sorry I am that I cannot speak, how sorry I am!”

“你真敢說！”葉自珍喊道，“你還沒騙夠嗎！”他吼得更大聲了，氣得在屋里走來走去，手里揮舞著拐杖，“是不是還要我提醒提醒你？你聽好！陽陽的撫養(yǎng)權(quán)是由我、裴先生和孔律師共同承擔的，你兒子上學花的不光是我的錢，還有那兩個人的錢！聽見了吧！我知道，我全都知道！你以前做過的事我從來沒追究過，對吧？可是這么多年過去了你還要撒謊，你兒子都快死了你還在撒謊，我不想再聽你騙下去了！我，我說你什么好！說你什么好！”

The doctor unbuttoned his overcoat, and still pacing about, said:

葉自珍解開外衣扣，繼續(xù)徘徊著，說道：

“Wretched woman! Even such moments have no effect on her! Even now she lies as freely as nine years ago in the Hermitage Restaurant! She is afraid if she tells me the truth I shall leave off giving her money, she thinks that if she did not lie I should not love the boy! You are lying! It’s contemptible!”

“無恥！事到如今你還嘴硬！九年了，你足足騙了我九年了！你不就是怕我知道了不給你錢，怕我知道陽陽不是我的就不愛這孩子了嗎！騙子！你可恨！可惡！”

The doctor rapped the floor with his stick, and cried:

葉自珍用拐杖猛砸著地板，怒吼道：

“It’s loathsome. Warped, corrupted creature! I must despise you, and I ought to be ashamed of my feeling. Yes! Your lying has stuck in my throat these nine years, I have endured it, but now it’s too much — too much.”

“我瞎了眼了，我怎么會看上你這么個人！呸！你這句謊在我心里堵了九年，我忍得夠多了，我不想忍了——我不想忍了?！?/p>

From the dark corner where Olga Ivanovna was sitting there came the sound of weeping. The doctor ceased speaking and cleared his throat. A silence followed. The doctor slowly buttoned up his over-coat, and began looking for his hat which he had dropped as he walked about.

從萬紫英所在的墻角傳來一陣痛哭。葉自珍打住了，清了清嗓。隨后是一陣沉默。葉自珍緩緩把扣子系好，尋找起剛才不小心丟掉的帽子。

“I lost my temper,” he muttered, bending down to the floor. “I quite lost sight of the fact that you cannot attend to me now.... God knows what I have said.... Don’t take any notice of it, Olga.”

“我錯了。”他彎下腰，嘀咕道，“我應(yīng)該讓你再靜靜的……英子，我那些話你別放在心上?！?/p>

He found his hat and went towards the dark corner.

他撿起帽子，走向漆黑的墻角。

“I have wounded you,” he said in a soft, tender half-whisper, “but once more I entreat you, tell me the truth; there should not be lying between us.... I blurted it out, and now you know that Petrov and Kurovsky are no secret to me. So now it is easy for you to tell me the truth.”

“是我不好?！彼謸Q回溫柔的語氣，“我再求你一次，說實話，咱們之間沒必要撒謊……剛才我說漏嘴了，那兩個人的事你也不用再瞞著我了。現(xiàn)在話都說開了，求你把實話告訴我吧?！?/p>

Olga Ivanovna thought a moment, and with perceptible hesitation, said:

萬紫英想了一會兒，遲疑地說道：

“Nikolay, I am not lying — Misha is your child.”

“自珍，我沒騙你，陽陽是你兒子?！?/p>

“My God,” moaned the doctor, “then I will tell you something more: I have kept your letter to Petrov in which you call him Misha’s father! Olga, I know the truth, but I want to hear it from you! Do you hear?”

“你還騙我！”葉自珍低吼道，“好，我再跟你說個事：我手上可有你寫給姓裴的一封信，你親口說陽陽是他兒子！英子，是怎么回事我全知道了，我只不過想聽你親口承認而已！說句實話就這么難嗎？”

Olga Ivanovna made no reply, but went on weeping. After waiting for an answer the doctor shrugged his shoulders and went out.

萬紫英一言不發(fā)，又抽泣起來。葉自珍等了一會兒不耐煩了，聳聳肩走了出去。

“I will come to-morrow,” he called from the passage.

“我明天再來?！彼谧呃日f道。

All the way home, as he sat in his carriage, he was shrugging his shoulders and muttering:

回家的路上，他坐在馬車里一直嘀咕著：

“What a pity that I don’t know how to speak! I haven’t the gift of persuading and convincing. It’s evident she does not understand me since she lies! It’s evident! How can I make her see? How?”

“我嘴怎么這么笨！我要是爭得過她就好了。她明明就是在撒謊！這誰看不出來！我怎么點醒她呢？怎么辦哪？”