what made me today is what I?have experienced in the past. Don't know why but just somehow want to show my past, in a way to analysis why I have became so miserable now, in a way to remind the word that I don't want to be ignored and forgot. the reason why I using english isn't because I am good at it, or that I want to show off, but just because I want to push the bar higher a little bit, for people really want to hear my voice for whatever reason it might be.

So i will state some key moments for which I think ?really have influence me to nowadyas and have shaped me forever for which I just recollect over and over.

it's quite funny that back then when I was at elementary school, most of the time the "ZUOWEN" theme in the language exam?is " state one?moments?u couldn't forgot and state why is it", back at that time, as a young child who have pretty much zero sense of what the world actually is, I just really couldn't say anything, most of the "touching moment" is thoroughly made up, such as a big rainy day my mom give my umberella I am so touching( I think this particular genre I have used more than 50 times throughout my school age).

nowadys when I think the so-called "unforgettable moment", once I am so hard to come up with even just one,nowadys endless pictures just rise up at my hand spontaneously, it's just so sticky that i think that unless one day I got Alzeheimer otherwise I will just remeber every singel?details of those moments more clearly and vividly in the future till the day I die, and moreover, it's automatically unforgettable, I almost instinctly know that as the moment go through it, just like there are some knowledge u just automatically forget it completely without feeling any thing.?

One moment is the back at the third grade or possibly fourth grade, I somehow forget to remeber what the exact page of my math homework is, so instead I just pick up with several pages I think is "fit" with what the teacher is saying and hand it, and of course it's just not fit at all, and the math teacher let me stand up as a punishment at her office for the entire moring class, which is roughly 3 hours total, I just cryied so hard again and again as a hopeless child during that time.

U may say okay, so why is this moment just somehow unforgettable for you, we all back then getting punishment by those teaches aren't we. It is true, but there are some key differences for me. first, it's my first time standing still for entrie 4 hour, I remeber my back and leg back then was shaking ?during those time, fears and tears, child's weakness against the "bigger" authority is what made me just couldn't forget it, if I have a time machine, I guess I will just slam the door and go back to my seat as nothing happened, but back then I can't, I thought too high of those teachers and parents, and think too low of me myself, think too justice as those people and think too wrong as for me. that's a very strong emotional moment for me to feel embrassing and fear yet also lots of angry. there were several moments just like what I have mentioned above, I still remeber it vividly but doesn't feel there is any need at all to state those moments clearly since it's just the same type as above. teacher's bully towards children, authority's bully towards individual. and it thus, make me feel extremely hateful, towards any unjustice moment happened in the society nowadays, cause?

”

never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

it tolls for?thee。

“

isn't it?

now to analysis it, and ask myself what I have learned, perhaps the first is that? "I learned most people just are not a nice people since the time they were borned" will be the first lesson that just came up in my mind immediately. nowadays whenever I saw those young child getting yelled by those so-called"teachers", "parents", those old moments just attack me back again, feeling myself once again those helpless and shameful moment for which there is nothing to be shamed for at all.