00:08

If I told you not to press this big red button, what would you do? For many people, there’s no greater motivation to do something than being told they can’t. So, what is it about being told “no” that triggers this response?

如果我告訴你別按這個(gè)紅色的大按鈕，你會(huì)做什么？對(duì)很多人來說，做某事的動(dòng)機(jī)沒什么能比得過被告知不能。那么，被告知“別”為什么能引起這個(gè)反應(yīng)？

00:29

One of the most enduring explanations for this behavior is what psychologists call reactance theory. Reactance is a motivational state that occurs when people feel their freedom is being threatened, and it compels them to take actions they see as restoring that freedom. Sometimes this emerges as general frustration or direct argument, but the most straightforward response is to simply do the thing they were told not to. This behavior plays out in public spaces, like when people ignore health campaigns they perceive as overbearing, and in private spaces, like parent-child relationships. However, there are situations where something being forbidden actually makes it less tempting.

針對(duì)這個(gè)行為的最持久的解釋之一 是被心理學(xué)家所說的阻抗理論。 阻抗理論就是一個(gè)動(dòng)機(jī)狀態(tài) 發(fā)生在人們感覺他們的自由 被威脅的時(shí)候， 使他們做出他們覺得 自由會(huì)被歸還的行動(dòng)。 有時(shí)候它會(huì)以普遍的挫敗感或 直接爭(zhēng)論出現(xiàn)， 但最直接的反應(yīng) 就是去做被告知?jiǎng)e做的事情。 這樣的態(tài)度會(huì)出現(xiàn)在公共場(chǎng)所， 就像人們忽略 他們認(rèn)為霸道的健康運(yùn)動(dòng)， 和在私人空間， 就像父母和孩子的關(guān)系。 不過，在一些情況下， 當(dāng)一件事情不被允許時(shí)， 其實(shí)會(huì)減少它的吸引力。

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01:17

In 1972, psychologists at the University of Colorado wanted to know if a romantic relationship facing parental disapproval was more likely to strengthen or crumble under the pressure. To answer this question, they surveyed 140 couples, varying widely in measures of happiness, but all fairly serious in terms of commitment. Only some couples reported perceived parental opposition to their relationship over the study’s six-month period. But those that did also reported a steady increase in love for one another.

1972 年，科羅拉多大學(xué)的心理學(xué)家 想知道一個(gè)浪漫關(guān)系面對(duì)父母的反對(duì) 是更有可能因?yàn)閴毫?而變得堅(jiān)強(qiáng)還是垮掉。 為了回答這個(gè)問題， 他們調(diào)查了 140 對(duì)情侶， 他們的幸福程度有很大的差別， 但在承諾方面都是相當(dāng)認(rèn)真。 只有一些情侶報(bào)告了， 在研究的六個(gè)月期間， 感覺到父母對(duì)情侶關(guān)系的反對(duì)， 但是他們也報(bào)告了愛情的穩(wěn)定增加。

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01:55

The researchers named this trend the Romeo and Juliet Effect after literature’s most famous forbidden lovers and concluded that the results were largely motivated by reactance. But in the decades since this publication, most follow-up studies have suggested the opposite is true. In fact, the long-term success of a romantic relationship can be predicted by the perceived approval or disapproval of the couple’s friends and family. This trend is known as the Social Network Effect.

研究人員把這個(gè)趨勢(shì) 叫做羅密歐與朱麗葉效應(yīng)， 名字來源于 文學(xué)史中最著名的禁忌戀人， 并判定研究結(jié)果是 情侶關(guān)系由阻抗理論大大推動(dòng)。 但自結(jié)果公布以來的幾十年， 大多數(shù)的后續(xù)研究 都提出了相反的結(jié)果才是對(duì)的。 實(shí)際上，戀愛關(guān)系的長期成功 可以通過這對(duì)情侶的朋友和家人的 贊成或不贊成來預(yù)測(cè)。 這個(gè)趨勢(shì)被稱為網(wǎng)絡(luò)效應(yīng)。

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02:31

So why doesn’t reactance win out over the Social Network Effect? You might think it’s because we value our existing relationships over our potential relationships. But in most cases, disapproving friends and family are just voicing negative opinions or passively not supporting a relationship. It’s rarely a dramatic choice of us or them. And when it comes to parents, most people with good relationships with their parents feel they can ignore their parent’s advice without serious consequences, while people with bad parental relationships often don’t care what they think anyway.

那么，為什么阻抗理論不能 戰(zhàn)勝網(wǎng)絡(luò)效應(yīng)？ 你可以說是因?yàn)槲覀冎匾暚F(xiàn)存的關(guān)系 更勝于我們的潛在關(guān)系。 但是在大多數(shù)的情況下， 反對(duì)的朋友和家人 只是說出消極的意見或者 消極地不支持一個(gè)關(guān)系。 這很少是一個(gè)我們或者他們的 戲劇性選擇。 當(dāng)談到父母， 大多數(shù)和父母關(guān)系好的人 感覺可以忽略父母的意見 而沒有嚴(yán)重后果， 而和父母關(guān)系不好的人 常常不在乎父母的看法。

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03:09

So if disapproved relationships are more likely to fail, does this mean we’re not willing to fight to date who we want? Well, it might vary from person to person. One theory is that there’s actually two types of reactance: defiant reactance, which is impulsively doing the opposite of what we’re told, and independent reactance, which reflects our deeper desire to make our own choices. For example, if you tell someone with high defiant reactance to lower their voice, they’ll probably start shouting. Whereas someone with high independent reactance is more likely to simply ignore the request and do what they believe is appropriate. So when it comes to relationship disapproval, a defiant person might respond by pursuing their romance in secret, but that doesn’t change how the group’s opinion negatively impacts their relationship. Conversely, someone with a particularly independent personality might be capable of ignoring their friends’ concerns and loving whomever they want.

所以如果說不被認(rèn)可的關(guān)系 是更有可能失敗的， 這意味著我們不愿意 為了與想要的人約會(huì)而斗爭(zhēng)嗎? 其實(shí)，它可能因人而異。 有一個(gè)理論就是其實(shí)有兩種阻抗： 反抗阻抗， 就是沖動(dòng)地做與我們被告知相反的， 和獨(dú)立阻抗， 它反映做出自己的選擇的更深渴望。 比如說，如果你告訴 一個(gè)反抗阻抗高的人小點(diǎn)聲， 他們很有可能開始大喊。 然而一個(gè)獨(dú)立阻抗高的人很有可能 忽略你的要求并作覺得合適的。 所以當(dāng)談到不被認(rèn)可的關(guān)系， 反抗阻抗的人的反應(yīng) 會(huì)是偷偷地繼續(xù)談戀愛， 但是這個(gè)不改變大家的意見會(huì) 對(duì)他們的關(guān)系產(chǎn)生不好的影響。 相反的，性格獨(dú)立的人有能力 忽略朋友的擔(dān)心及愛他想愛的人。

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04:18

The idea of defiant and independent reactance is fairly new, and researchers are still working to uncover all the motivations behind the Social Network Effect. But these theories help illuminate the important relationship between reactance and our competing needs for independence and inclusion. How we balance these desires varies across individuals and cultures. But no matter how prone to reactance we may be, our social networks are vital to our sense of identity and well-being. This is especially true in our romantic relationships. Studies have found that support from a few close companions can help buffer against disapproval from others. And most relationships do better once the individuals involved find supportive social networks. This outcome might not seem as romantic as a forbidden love affair, but it’s actually in keeping with the story of Romeo and Juliet, whose embattled relationship couldn't endure the threats of extreme disapproval.

反抗阻抗和獨(dú)立阻抗的想法 是比較新的， 研究人員正在努力揭露 網(wǎng)絡(luò)效應(yīng)的動(dòng)機(jī)。 但是那些理論幫助 指明一個(gè)重要的關(guān)系， 就是阻抗和我們對(duì) 獨(dú)立與包容的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)需求。 我們?cè)趺雌胶饽切┰竿?因個(gè)人和文化而異。 但是不管我們多么易受到阻抗， 我們的社交網(wǎng)絡(luò) 對(duì)我們的認(rèn)同感和幸福感很重要。 這個(gè)尤其符合我們的戀愛關(guān)系。 研究發(fā)現(xiàn)來自親密的人的支持 可以緩沖別人的反對(duì)。 一旦找到支持的社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)， 大多數(shù)關(guān)系會(huì)變得更好。 這個(gè)結(jié)果可能比不上 禁忌戀情的浪漫， 但是，它其實(shí)符合 羅密歐與朱麗葉的故事，他們?yōu)閼偾榈目範(fàn)幗K究沒有抵住 極端反對(duì)的威脅。