Clarkson on: boring modern cars

克拉克森評論：無聊的當代車

Published: 27 Aug 2014

發(fā)表于2014年8月27日

Every couple of months, I sit down with the internet and decide which cars I’d like to road test in the coming weeks. It used to be fun. But it isn’t any more. Because these days, as I look down the long list of all that’s new from the world of motoring, I usually think “I don’t want to drive any of this stuff.”

每隔幾個月，我都會坐下來上網(wǎng)決定我在接下來幾周里想要測評的車。這曾經(jīng)是件有意思的事，但現(xiàn)在可不是了。因為現(xiàn)如今，當我看到那份寫滿車壇新車的長名單時，我通常會想“我哪個也不想開。”

Mitsubishi’s new plug-in hybrid Outlander. Yes? No, actually. I realise, of course, that this is the future and that it features many new innovations designed to harness energy from waste by-products and turn them into speed and comfort, but I’m afraid I can’t be bothered to be interested in any of it.

三菱的全新插混歐藍德。還不錯？不是的。當然了，我知道這輛車象征著未來的趨勢，而且這款車搭載了許多能夠從排放物的副產(chǎn)品中獲取能量并將其轉(zhuǎn)化為速度與舒適的創(chuàng)新科技，但我對這一大堆東西都不感興趣。

I felt much the same about the new Mini Cooper. Partly this is because it looked like the old Mini Cooper, but mostly it’s because it has a three-cylinder engine and therefore the get-up-and-go of a dining table. My diary says that this morning, a four-wheel-drive Suzuki of some kind is being delivered for my appraisal. But when the doorbell rings, I may hide behind the curtains and pretend to be out because, honestly, I’d rather use a taxi. Oh, I’m sure it’ll be very nice, but I can guarantee that it will be about as exciting as a lecture on BitTorrents.

新款的Mini Cooper也是如此。一部分是因為它和老款的Mini Cooper長得很像，但更主要的是因為它搭載了一臺沒有什么干勁兒的三缸引擎。我的日記上記載道今天早上會有一輛四輪驅(qū)動的鈴木車送過來讓我測評。但當門鈴響起時，我可能會藏在窗簾后面裝作不在家，因為我寧可坐出租車也不愿意開那玩意兒。我確信那會是一輛好車，但我敢打包票它會和一節(jié)關(guān)于比特流（譯者注：一種互聯(lián)網(wǎng)文件分發(fā)協(xié)議）的課程一樣無聊。

In fact, I’ve done a bit of thinking, and I reckon that there has never been a time in automotive history when cars have been this boring. The Audi Q3 is a case in point. The BMW X3 is another.

實際上，在我進行一番思考過后，我認為汽車史上從來沒有過這樣一個盛產(chǎn)無聊車的時期。奧迪Q3是個例子，寶馬X3也是。

You may scoff at this. You may say that in my youth, we had the Austin Allegro and the Morris Marina and that they were far more boring than anything made today. But this isn’t so. They were not boring. They were terrible. Amusingly terrible.

你可能會嘲笑我的觀點。你可能會說在我年輕的時候市面上有像奧斯汀Allegro和莫里斯Marina這樣的車，而且它們要比現(xiàn)在的任何一款車都無聊的多。但事情不是這樣的。那些車不是無聊，而是糟糕，糟得離譜。

Then there was the Hillman Avenger, another dreadful car. But let’s not forget that there was a model called the Tiger, which had a boot spoiler and a matte black bonnet and excellent sculptured mirrors on the wings and minilite wheels. It was also dreadful but it looked fabulous, and here’s the thing: where’s the Tiger version of the Audi Q3? All you get is the RS version, which works only because the increased power means you get the journey over with more quickly.

還有希爾曼Avenger這款車，同樣非常無聊。但我們不要忘記那款車還有一個配備了尾部擾流板、磨砂黑引擎蓋、特別設(shè)計過的反光鏡和minilite牌輪轂的名為Tiger的型號。雖然說它還是很無聊，但看起來棒極了。那么問題來了，奧迪Q3的Tiger版本去哪里了呢？你最終得到的只是一款RS版本，而這款車只是因為其更強勁的動力意味著你可以更早結(jié)束旅程而奏效。

Ford was always good at producing one interesting car from each of its model ranges, and there can be no doubt that the Fiesta ST is a fitting tribute to the XR2s and the Mexicos and the Lotus Cortinas from the company’s past. It’s a little gem, that car.

福特很擅長從其旗下的產(chǎn)品中改造出一款很有意思的車子。毫無疑問，嘉年華ST是對曾經(jīng)嘉年華XR2、Escort Mexico版和路特斯Cortina的致敬。那輛嘉年華ST就像一顆寶石一樣閃閃發(fā)光。

But where’s the hot Mondeo? Where’s the Ka with a matte black bonnet and wing mirrors? Why is there no Focus Cosworth with four-wheel drive and 300 horsepower?

但是高性能版的蒙迪歐去哪里了呢？有著磨砂黑引擎蓋和反光鏡的Ka又在哪里呢？為什么沒有搭載四輪驅(qū)動和300匹馬力的考斯沃斯版福克斯呢？

Then you have Volkswagen. It talked of making an Up GT, and I was very excited about that. It would be the Hillman Avenger Tiger of the modern age. But now VW’s announced that... drum roll... it can’t be bothered. It’ll be sticking with the three-cylinder, non-turbo base car. Which is very good and very sensible and very economical and very well made. I admire it in many ways. But I don’t actually want one.

還有大眾。他們說要生產(chǎn)一款Up GT，我對此感到非常激動。那輛車將會是當代版本的希爾曼Avenger Tiger。但現(xiàn)在大眾又說他們不會制造那款車了，而是會去繼續(xù)生產(chǎn)搭載三缸無渦輪增壓發(fā)動機的基礎(chǔ)版車型。那些基礎(chǔ)版的車子本身非常好，經(jīng)濟節(jié)能、做工優(yōu)良，是個理性的選擇。我喜歡那類車的許多方面，但我就是不想買一輛。

Of course, carmakers will explain that in these modern, difficult times, it is simply not financially viable to go to all the bother and expense of making an interesting car, because all people want is four wheels, a seat and 65mpg.

當然了，車企們會解釋說在現(xiàn)在這個困難期里，傾注大量精力和財力去打造一款有意思的車在經(jīng)濟上是不允許的，因為所有人想要的只是四個輪子、一張椅子和一個優(yōu)秀的油耗數(shù)據(jù)。

But it has always been thus. Hillman went to the bother and expense of making that Tiger, and it wasn’t exactly a ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ sales success. It was much the same with the droop snoot Vauxhall Firenza or the Opel Manta GT.

但凡事皆有反例。希爾曼就傾注了大量精力財力制造出了Avenger Tiger，但這款車并沒有像《波西米亞狂想曲》一樣在銷量上大獲成功。下垂式車頭版的沃克斯豪爾Firenza和歐寶Manta GT也是這樣。

Even the more mainstream offerings, such as the Ford Escort XR3i, only ever accounted for 15 per cent of total Escort sales. But the XR3i and the Golf GTi and the Vauxhall Astra GTE did something more important. They made the owners of the GLs and the 1.3s feel better.

對于更主流的車企來說也是一樣的境遇，例如說福特Escort XR3i只占到了Escort車系總銷量的15%。但諸如福特Escort XR3i、大眾高爾夫GTi和沃克斯豪爾雅特GTE的車型做出了更巨大的貢獻——它們的存在讓擁有其它配置車型的車主們感覺更好。

And there was more. They were realisable dreams for the masses. In the days before EuroMillions and scratch cards, there was no way a shopkeeper from Warrington was ever going to afford a Ferrari or a Lamborghini. But a hot Ford? He could buy the 1.1 L now on the basis that, one day, with a fair wind and a bit of scrimping, the XR3 might be possible. And that made it so much more than a humdrum Ford with a 1.6-litre engine and a spoiler. It made it a dream car for millions.

這些車的意義不止如此，它們更是普羅大眾可以觸碰到的夢。在彩票和刮刮樂誕生之前，一個來自沃靈頓的商店店主不可能買下一輛法拉利或蘭博基尼。但高性能的福特呢？他可以先買一臺1.1升的車型，然后在此基礎(chǔ)上借著一陣東風和一點點的省吃儉用，換一臺XR3是完全有可能的。這一點使得XR3不僅僅是一款備有1.6升引擎和尾翼的無聊福特，而是廣大群眾的夢中情車。

Which, of course, brings me on to Netflix, the one-stop shop if you have a craving on a Sunday afternoon to watch The Rock or Air Force One. As a wise man said on Twitter recently, browsing through the movies it offers to subscribers is like browsing through the shelves of a Stockport video rental shop in 1994.

這使我想到了網(wǎng)飛。如果你想在周日下午觀看《勇闖奪命島》或《空軍一號》這兩部電影的話，網(wǎng)飛便是那家可以一站搞定的商店。正如一個聰明人在推特上說的那樣，掃一眼網(wǎng)飛提供給其訂閱者的片單就好像在1994年瀏覽一家位于斯托克波特的音像出租店的貨架一樣。

If you want to watch Gravity or the Dallas Buyers Club, then you are faced with a choice. Download it now from wherever or wait until 2026 when it will be available on Netflix. Unless there is a legal hiccup over rights in the meantime. Which there probably will be. So why then, if Netflix’s movie selection is so weak, do I subscribe? Why do you subscribe? Why is it so popular? There’s no sport. No news. Just a lot of stuff you’ve seen already. Ah yes. But there is also House of Cards.

如果你想看《地心引力》或《達拉斯買家俱樂部》這兩部電影，那么你會面臨著一個選擇：要么現(xiàn)在就在某個網(wǎng)站上下載片源，要么等它2026年在網(wǎng)飛上線——除非在此期間遇到了關(guān)于版權(quán)的法律糾紛，不過也確實可能會發(fā)生。所以說如果網(wǎng)飛提供的電影少到不行的話，為什么我還要去訂閱呢？為什么你會訂閱呢？為什么它能流行起來呢？網(wǎng)飛上既沒有體育相關(guān)內(nèi)容，又沒有新聞，只有一大堆你已經(jīng)看過的東西。不對，還有《紙牌屋》呢。

This was made especially for Netflix, and it cost an absolute bleeding fortune. They hired Kevin Spacey to play the lead and the word is he trousered many millions for the deal. They had Robin Wright as well, which is why I tuned in. This was a lavish deal, and if you wanted to see it, and you did because it was superb, you had to have Netflix.

《紙牌屋》這部劇是花了大價錢專門為網(wǎng)飛制作的。他們請來了凱文·史派西來扮演領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人的角色——據(jù)說據(jù)說他因為這部劇賺了幾百萬。他們還請來了羅賓·懷特——這也是我看這部劇的原因。這可是筆不小的買賣。如果你想觀看這部劇的話——你也確實會想看的，因為它確實很好看——你只能去訂閱網(wǎng)飛了。

After two series, it finished. So then they started Orange Is the New Black, which is also fabulous. Especially if you are fond of all things sapphic. It’s set in a women’s prison and, er… well, let me put it this way: watch a trailer, and then you’ll be a Netflix subscriber as well.

在兩季之后，《紙牌屋》播完了。（譯者注：《紙牌屋》劇集共有六季，在作者發(fā)表文章時僅播出了兩季。）所以他們開播了同樣很驚艷的《女子監(jiān)獄》——如果你對與女同性戀相關(guān)的內(nèi)容感興趣的話那這部劇就更驚艷了。這部劇的背景設(shè)定在女子監(jiān)獄之中……我這么說吧：看完預(yù)告片，你也會去訂閱個網(wǎng)飛的。

It’s ballsy stuff this, commissioning very expensive television drama. Because what if it doesn’t work? That’s not the end of the world if you are the BBC or ITV, because you have sports and news and panel shows as well. But if you are Netflix, it must work. Because, realistically, it’s all you’ve got. It’s your hook, your bait, your float, your line, your rod and your reel. Like I said, it’s a ballsy strategy, and Netflix is pulling it off big time.

制作一部非常昂貴的電視劇是一個大膽的決定——萬一這部劇不奏效呢？如果你是英國廣播電視臺或者英國獨立電視臺的話那問題還不算大，因為臺里還有體育類、新聞類和綜藝節(jié)目支撐著。但如果你是網(wǎng)飛的話，那部拍出來的劇必須成功——因為那是你的全部了。它就是你吸引觀眾并訂閱網(wǎng)飛的法寶。正如我說的那樣，這是個大膽的策略，而網(wǎng)飛正在取得成功。

The car firms should take note, because an endless array of cars which look like the sort of thing Walter White or Dexter might use will one day result in everyone taking the bus instead. We need interesting cars to keep us interested. They don’t need to be fast, because that might be passé. But they do need to make us look twice. We need a return to the days of the Tiger.

車企們應(yīng)該做做筆記了，因為無休止地推出像《絕命毒師》里的沃爾特·懷特或《嗜血法醫(yī)》里的戴克斯特·摩根會開的車只會最終導(dǎo)致大家都去坐公交車。我們需要有意思的車來讓我們保持興趣。他們不一定要有多快——因為那可能是個過時的玩法——但一定要有讓人再看一眼的欲望。我們需要回到那個有著Avenger Tiger的時代。

Carmakers need to remember not only Orange Is The New Black. But also that orange is the new black. Apart from the bonnet obviously. And the door mirrors.

車企們不僅要向《女子監(jiān)獄》學習，還要記住充滿活力的橙色才是新的潮流——當然，不只是把引擎蓋和反光鏡涂成橙色那么簡單。

原文地址：https://www.topgear.com/car-news/jeremy-clarkson/clarkson-boring-modern-cars