中英文稿( 抱歉 重新發(fā)了一遍)

我知道大家都有 長長的待辦事項列表，?但是我討厭浪費時間做這些 所以我有個“不辦”事項列表。?不要流連社交網(wǎng)站，?不要在床上看手機(jī)，?不要打開電視，?除非我知道要看什么節(jié)目。?但是去年，我發(fā)現(xiàn) 自己打破了全部的規(guī)則。?半夜了我還醒著，?滾動瀏覽負(fù)面新聞，?不停地玩線上拼字游戲，?無節(jié)制地追整季電視劇， 然而并不怎么好看。?第二天早上我整個人迷迷糊糊地醒來，?然后發(fā)誓，“今晚10點鐘要睡覺。”?但是這一幕不斷上演，持續(xù)好久。?我當(dāng)時在想什么？

身為一名組織心理學(xué)家，?我的整個職業(yè)生涯都在研究激勵問題。?所以我很困擾， 我無法解釋我自己的行為。?我不是抑郁，我還懷抱希望。 我也不倦怠，我還有能量。?我并不覺得孤獨，因為我有家庭。?我只是感覺 少了點目標(biāo)，少了點快樂。?最后，我終于想到 有一個詞可以形容這種感覺：?頹靡。?一種空虛、停滯、無趣的感覺。?這個詞最早由社會學(xué)家 科里·凱斯（Corey Keye）提出，?并由“哲學(xué)家”瑪麗亞·凱莉 （Mariah Carey）發(fā)揚光大。

當(dāng)你頹靡時，你會感覺到 就像你在渾渾噩噩地度日，?看著自己的人生籠罩于層層迷霧。?那么我想問問，你們當(dāng)中有誰 在過去幾個月里經(jīng)歷過這種感覺。?好的，你們當(dāng)中沒有力氣舉手的——

(笑聲）

現(xiàn)在可能正處于這個狀態(tài)。?而那邊那位聽到這還沒有笑的， 百分百就是了。?很奇怪的是——

【你今天感覺如何？ 呃...呃…呃…】

你們中有些人通過了這個測試。?奇怪的是，把我從這種感覺里 解救出來的是馬里奧賽車游戲。?我們先回頭看看，

在新冠疫情早期，?我們中的很多人 都在恐懼、悲傷和孤獨中掙扎。?但是當(dāng)疫情拖得足夠久， 看不到盡頭的時候，?短暫而劇烈的痛苦 讓位給了長期的萎靡不振。?我們像活在“土撥鼠之日” （電影中每天重復(fù)的生活）?感覺就是整個世界停滯了。?所以我寫了一篇文章 提出“頹靡”這個現(xiàn)象。?我稱之為：“心理健康領(lǐng)域中， 被忽略的家中老二”，?而我覺得這可能是 目前這個時代主導(dǎo)的情緒。?它無所不在，?在媒體上，哪都能看到它?被名流們，被皇室成員們討論，?我從來沒有見過 人們那么興趣盎然地?講述自己如何完全喪失興趣。

然而——?我覺得——?我覺得正式認(rèn)識“頹靡”這種情緒?有助于人們理解自己的困惑。?為什么即使是打了疫苗?人們還是無法 對接下來的半年有任何期待。?為什么當(dāng)《國家寶藏》在電視上播出時，?我的妻子已將每一句臺詞爛熟于心。?為什么我總熬夜，?成為“報復(fù)性熬夜”的受害者？

我們在無聊的一天里找幸福， 在沒有盡頭的疫情里找目標(biāo)。?但是“頹靡”不是疫情獨有的。?它是人類生活的一部分。?近二十年的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)： “頹靡”可以擾亂你的專注力，?并且消磨你的意志。?頹靡還是導(dǎo)致抑郁癥的風(fēng)險因素之一，?因為頹靡總是潛伏在表面之下。?你可能都沒注意到你的驅(qū)動力在減弱，?或者你的快樂變得黯淡。?你無所謂自己的興趣喪失，?也就是說，你不會去專門尋求幫助，?也不做任何事情來幫助自己。?呃，就這樣吧。?頹靡不止是難以被察覺而已，?在很多的文化里， 人們覺得難以啟齒談?wù)撍?當(dāng)別人問你：“你好嗎？”?你應(yīng)該說，“非常好！”?“不能更好了！”?這叫做“有毒的正能量”。

這是一種壓力 讓我們時時都保持樂觀向上。?如果你說， “你知道的，我覺得還好?！?那人們就會鼓勵你 要多看光明的一面，?或者是要學(xué)會感恩，?這可不僅僅是惹人煩，?還可能是壞的建議。

我這邊能邀請兩位志愿者嗎？?沒有的話，我就隨機(jī)叫兩個 不要一下子都跳上來。?好的，這邊?你可以走到麥克風(fēng)那邊，?好的。 另一個志愿者到這邊麥克風(fēng)。?請給兩位志愿者掌聲。

（掌聲）

嗨，請問你叫什么名字？

M：馬?。∕artin）。

AG：謝謝。?你可以告訴我們 你生活中的三件好事情嗎？

M：我結(jié)婚了，我很健康，我很快樂。

AG：真好，很開心你把婚姻放在第一位。?好，這邊。

L：李（Lee）。

AG：你能告訴我們 你生活中的 42 件好事情嗎？

L：我的貓 Titchypoo, 我的狗 Enzo，?還有我的妻子Jazz。

AG: 排在貓和狗之后第三位。

干得漂亮。

Lee：我的孩子們，Indio 和 Walter?曼聯(lián)足球俱樂部，?我的朋友們，TED。

AG：TED 榮登第八位！

L：TED 排名很高！?還有詩，C.S.路易斯（C.S. Lewis）,?E.E.卡明斯（E.E. Cummings）, 狄蘭·托馬斯（Dylan Thomas）的詩。

AG：你是打算 念完所有你聽說過的詩人名字嗎？?好的，李，謝謝你。?我們得讓你在這暫停。?掌聲獻(xiàn)給兩位志愿者。

很長一段時間里 我都認(rèn)為李這樣的人，?會比馬丁更快樂，?但是當(dāng)我做了實驗發(fā)現(xiàn)恰恰相反。?那些被隨機(jī)安排 列出更多好事情的人。?實際上，平均而言，不那么快樂，?因為你數(shù)著數(shù)著發(fā)現(xiàn) 值得樂觀的事情快沒了，?如果你不知道 更多的詩人名字的話......

當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)越難列出生活中的好事情，?你也會覺得也許 我的生活就是沒那么好。

在疫情早期，?研究者們發(fā)現(xiàn) 身心健康最大的影響因素不是樂觀主義。?而是心流（flow）。?心流最早由心理學(xué)家?米哈里·齊克森米哈里 （Mihály Csíkszentmihályi）提出，?是一種全身心投入某種活動的狀態(tài)，?一種置身于某個區(qū)域里的感覺。?對你們來說， 可能是下廚、跑步或者園藝，?忘記了時間流逝，?甚至忘記了自己的存在。?心流也是網(wǎng)飛（Netflix） 狂歡式刷劇的魅力所在，?因為它讓你進(jìn)入一個不同的世界，?沉浸在故事中。?但是狂歡式刷劇只能讓你 短暫地逃離頹靡并不能治愈它。?充其量，給你留下一堆不對稱的關(guān)系。?你可能喜歡和你的朋友們玩，?Chandler,?Arya,?Dwight,?Buffy——Buffy, 有嗎？——

Joe Exotic （《虎王》主人公），?小豬佩奇。?（小聲）但他們并不知道你的存在。?狂歡式刷劇是一種 在虛擬世界里被動的投入，?更高層次的心流來自于?主動地參與真實世界。?當(dāng)我在任天堂游戲里 駕駛一輛卡通汽車時，?我很驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)了我的心流。?疫情剛開始時，?我的三個孩子在家網(wǎng)課，?然后持續(xù)了一整年，?這太難了。?有一天，我發(fā)現(xiàn) 我六歲孩子的報告單上寫著。

【能按規(guī)定獨立地打打開話筒與靜音]】

要知道，我知道有些成年人 還沒搞明白這個。?不只是在線上，生活中也是。?所以我想我們應(yīng)該慶祝一下。

但是跟大家一樣，我們與家人分離，?我的姐姐在這個國家的另一邊。?有一天，我們回憶起，?我們小時候有多喜歡玩馬里奧賽車。?然后她說： “哇，我們現(xiàn)在可以一起在線玩了?！?我們?yōu)槭裁床婚_始一個家庭游戲？?很快我們每天都玩這個，?同時用視頻通話。?幾周以后，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我沒那么頹靡了，?我生活在馬里奧賽車藝術(shù)禪意里。

每天早上我的孩子們起床， 問我什么時候可以開始玩，?他們很興奮。?他們熱愛這個游戲， 特別是當(dāng)我期待著即將到來的勝利，?卻被飛來的藍(lán)色炮彈轟炸，?然后只能看著我的三個孩子，?開著小小賽車超過我沖向終點線。?我們太開心了， 于是我開始了一個周六晚上新傳統(tǒng)，?在孩子們睡覺之后，?來玩成人馬里奧賽車。

通過反思這個經(jīng)歷，?我很自豪地在這里向各位首次介紹，?我的有關(guān)頂級心流的馬里奧賽車?yán)碚摗?它有三個條件： 掌控力、正念和重要性。

我們從掌控力開始。?掌控力是一種?我們中的很多人 要通過艱難地尋找得到的東西。

心理學(xué)家發(fā)現(xiàn)，?給我們帶來日常動力和快樂的最重要因素，?是一種進(jìn)步感。?在西方文化中，我們的快樂更多來自于 我們的項目今天進(jìn)行的怎么樣，?而不是昨天做了些什么。?這就是為什么耐克宣傳，“只管去做”。?如果耐克創(chuàng)立于一個 更注重過去的國家，比如中國。?他們的口號會變成，“剛做完了?！?如果頹靡是停滯， 那么心流中包含著動量。?掌控力并不一定需要來自于大的成就，?它可以是小的進(jìn)步。?小小的勝利帶來的掌控感?可以解釋為什么我會被 在線拼字游戲所吸引。?拼出一個 7 個字母的單詞?也能幫助我們理解為什么這么多人，?在烤出他們的第一條 酸面包之后如此興奮。?為什么這個工程師會花一整個下午，?掌握搭 M&M’s 豆的技能。?大家看下。

（視頻）這比我想象的可難多了。?哇！?哇！?5 個 M&M’s 豆！5 個 M&M’s 豆！

AG：結(jié)果這成了世界紀(jì)錄。

這種掌控感也取決于心流的第二個條件，?正念。?在一件事情上全神貫注，?不是我們經(jīng)常做的這些。

【你還好嗎？其實你幾乎 沒在看你的書、電話、節(jié)目......】?【......電腦，十分鐘開始前的填字游戲?！?/p>

有統(tǒng)計表明， 人們平均一天查 74 次郵件，?每 10 分鐘切換一次自己做的事情，?這樣的方式導(dǎo)致了所謂“時間的碎片”，?那些本該讓我們的生命 更有意義的時刻，?被我們撕碎，?變成一些越來越小、用的碎屑。?時間的碎片是活力和優(yōu)秀的敵人，?如果我們想要找到我們的心流 我們需要建立邊界，

【伊麗莎白圈可以以防 我每兩秒鐘看一下手機(jī)】

當(dāng)我思考邊界的問題時，?我想到組織學(xué)者萊斯利·珀洛 （Leslie Perlow）的一個實驗。?她去一家財富500強(qiáng)的公司 測試了一個“安靜時間政策”，?每周三次在中午之前不被打斷，?實驗發(fā)現(xiàn)， 工程師們的平均工作效率大增，?47% 的工程師比平時更有效率。?更妙的是， 當(dāng)公司把這個安靜時間政策正式化，?65% 的工程師的效率高過了平均水平。?我認(rèn)為在周二周四周五中午之前?也沒有發(fā)生什么奇跡。?我們應(yīng)該學(xué)到 我們把不被打斷的時間段?當(dāng)成寶貴的財產(chǎn)來守護(hù)。

現(xiàn)在，我們知道了心流的兩個條件 掌控力和正念。?還有第三個條件， 使心流成為一種頂級的體驗。?重要性，知道你對別人產(chǎn)生的影響。?在我的職業(yè)生涯早期， 我研究過電話籌款員，?他們的工作是 給校友們打電話請他們給大學(xué)捐款。?當(dāng)我在他們的墻上看到這個貼紙， 我知道他們應(yīng)該處在頹靡的狀態(tài)。

【在這里工作像尿在了深色西褲上】?【就你自己感覺暖呼呼， 但是并沒有人注意到】

我想研究怎樣可以讓他們知道 他們的工作很重要，?所以在接下來的一個月里，?我做了一系列實驗，?平均每組呼叫者 每周在電話上增加了一倍多的時間，?每周收到的捐款幾乎翻了三倍。?導(dǎo)致這些改變的只是隨機(jī)地 讓這些員工去會見學(xué)生，?這些學(xué)生獲得的獎學(xué)金 多虧他們的工作籌款，?現(xiàn)在他們不僅僅專注于單調(diào)地打電話，?他們?nèi)硇耐度胍粋€更有意義的目標(biāo)， 幫助學(xué)生們籌集獎學(xué)金。?想想如果沒有你的貢獻(xiàn) 那些人的情況會變得多糟。?正因為這些人， 你的工作才有了價值。?你需要知道他們的名字、樣子和故事。?你能在那些讓幫到他們的工作上 找到你的心流。

這也能解釋為什么馬里奧賽車 能給我這么棒的體驗，?它給我掌控感，?那種甜蜜的滿足， 好似當(dāng)我放塊香蕉皮?成功地讓我姐姐滑倒。?它也需要全神貫注，?我的姐夫是最佳車手，?要打敗他需要百分百集中精力，?特別是當(dāng)我的孩子們 聯(lián)合起來跟他一起對付我。?這不僅僅是個游戲，它很重要。?在過去的一年里， 我們都曾或多或少覺得無助，?我對消滅新冠感到無助，?我也沒法做什么 讓我的網(wǎng)課變得更好，?我是個老師。?但是在馬里奧賽車?yán)铮?我覺得很有幫助。?當(dāng)我們哪里都去不了時，?我能給予我的孩子們 一些可以期待的東西，?當(dāng)家人們相距甚遠(yuǎn)時， 我能讓我們保持親密。?我們通常認(rèn)為心流是一種個人的體驗，?但是當(dāng)我們一起玩游戲時， 我們都沉浸在里面。?雖然后來我們并沒有每天玩，?但比起以往任何時候，?我覺得跟姐姐一家更親密了。?我感覺到 愛不僅僅在于交流的頻率，?而是聯(lián)系的深度。?我也意識到?頹靡的解藥不一定 得是什么有豐厚產(chǎn)出的事情，?也可以是開心的事情。?我們心流到達(dá)巔峰的時刻 是跟我們愛的人一起玩，?現(xiàn)在，這是在我 待辦事項列表上的日常任務(wù)。

你的馬里奧賽車是什么？?和那些對你重要的人一起， 你該在哪找到掌控感和正念？?我想我們應(yīng)該重新思考?我們對身心健康的理解，?不抑郁并不意味著你沒有掙扎、?沒有倦怠，?也不意味著火力全開。?當(dāng)別人問你，“你好嗎？”?或者如果你只能回以一個音節(jié)，?“呃?！?/p>

當(dāng)你準(zhǔn)備好了， 你可以開始尋找你的心流，?那會成為照亮你走出虛無的道路。

謝謝大家！

I know you all have long to-do lists,?but I hate wasting time so much that I have a to-don't list.?Don't scroll on social media,?don't check my phone in bed?and don't turn on the TV?unless I already know what I want to watch.?But last year I found myself breaking all of those rules.?I was staying up way past midnight,?doomscrolling,?playing endless games of online Scrabble?and bingeing entire seasons of TV shows that weren't even good.?The next morning I'd wake up in a daze?and swear, "Tonight in bed by ."?But it kept happening night after night for weeks.?What was I thinking?

As an organizational psychologist,?I have spent my whole career studying motivation,?so it really bothers me when I can't explain my own behavior.?I wasn't depressed. I still had hope. Wasn't burned out, had energy.?Wasn't lonely, I was with my family.?I just felt a little bit aimless and a little bit joyless.?Eventually, I remembered there's a name for that feeling:?languishing.?Languishing as a sense of emptiness, stagnation and ennui.?It was coined by a sociologist Corey Keyes?and immortalized by a philosopher, Mariah Carey.

When you're languishing, it just feels like you're muddling through your days,?looking at your life through a foggy windshield.?So I'm curious how many of you have felt like that over the past few months.?OK, those of you who didn't have the energy to raise your hands --

you might be languishing right now.?And you over here who didn't laugh, you're definitely languishing.?Strangely enough --

[How are you feeling today? Meh. Meh. Meh.]

Some of you passed the quiz.?Strangely enough, what rescued me from that feeling was playing Mario Kart.?But let's back up for a second.

In the early days of covid,?a lot of us were struggling with fear, grief and isolation.?But as the pandemic dragged on with no end in sight,?our acute anguish gave way to chronic languish.?We were all living in “Groundhog Day.”?It felt like the whole world was stagnating.?So I wrote an article to put languishing on the map.?I called it "the neglected middle child of mental health"?and I suggested it might be the dominant emotion of our time.?And soon it was everywhere.?I was seeing it all over the media,?being discussed by celebrities, by royalty.?I've never seen people so excited?to talk about their utter lack of excitement.

And --?I think --?I think that naming languishing?helped people make sense of some puzzling experiences.?Why even after getting vaccinated?people were having trouble looking forward to the rest of the year.?Why when "National Treasure" came on TV,?my wife already knew all the words by heart.?And why I was staying up way too late,?falling victim to what's known as revenge bedtime procrastination.

We were looking for bliss in a blah day and purpose in a perpetual pandemic.?But languishing is not unique to a pandemic.?It's part of the human condition.?Two decades of research show that languishing can disrupt your focus?and dampen your motivation.?It's also a risk factor for depression?because languishing often lurks below the surface.?You might not notice when your drive is dwindling?or your delight is dulling?You’re indifferent to your own indifference,?which means you don't seek help?and you might not even do anything to help yourself.?Meh.?Languishing isn't just hard to spot, though.?In many cultures, it's hard to talk about, too.?When people ask, "How are you?,"?you're expected to say, "Great!"?or "Living my best life."?That's called toxic positivity.

It's the pressure that we face to be optimistic and upbeat at all times.?If you say, "You know, I'm just OK,"?then people might encourage you to look on the bright side?or count your blessings,?which isn't just annoying.?It can actually be bad advice.

Can I get two volunteers??I will cold-call if I have to, don't all jump at once.?OK, right over here.?You can come up to a mic?and can I get another volunteer right over there, up to this mic, please.?A round of applause for our two volunteers.

Hi, what's your name?

Martin: Martin.

Adam Grant: Thank you.?Can you tell us three good things about your life, please?

Martin: I’m married and I’m healthy and I’m happy.

AG: All right, I’m glad the marriage came in first.?Well done. OK, over here. What’s your name?

Lee: Lee.

AG: Lee, can you tell us 42 good things about your life?

Lee: My cat Titchypoo, my dog Enzo.?And so my wife, Jazz.

AG: Third behind the dog and the cat.

Well played.

Lee: My children, Indio and Walter,?Manchester United Football Club,?my friends, TED.

AG: TED coming in at ringing eighth.

Lee: TED is very high, TED is very high.?The poetry of C.S. Lewis, E.E. Cummings, Dylan Thomas.

AG: You want to name all the poets you’ve ever heard of??Alright, Lee, thank you.?We’re going to pause you there.?Round of applause. Thank you both.

So for a long time, I assumed that people in Lee's position?were going to be happier than Martin.?But when I ran the experiment, I found the exact opposite.?That people who are randomly assigned to count more blessings,?are actually, on average, less happy?because you start to run out of things to be optimistic about.?And if you don't know that many poets ...

The harder it is to find good things about your life,?the more you feel like, well, maybe my life isn't that good.

In the early days of the pandemic,?researchers found that the best predictor of well-being was not optimism.?It was flow.?Flow is that feeling of being in the zone,?coined by the psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi.?It's that state of total absorption in an activity.?For you, it might be cooking or running or gardening?where you lose track of time?and you might even lose your sense of self.?Flow is the appeal of a Netflix binge?because you get transported into a different world?and immersed in a story.?But bingeing is a temporary escape from languishing, not a cure.?At best, it leaves you with a bunch of asymmetric relationships.?You might love hanging out with your friends:?Chandler,?Arya,?Dwight,?Buffy -- Buffy, anyone? --

Joe Exotic,?Peppa Pig.?(Whispers) But they don't know you exist.?Bingeing is passive engagement in a fictional world,?peak flow depends on active participation?in the real world,?which is why I was so surprised to find my flow?while driving a cartoon car in a Nintendo game.?When the pandemic first started,?all three of our kids were at home in online school,?and that lasted for a full year.?It was not easy.?One day we found this on our six-year-old's report card.

[can independently mute and unmute himself when requested to do so]

You know, I know some adults who still haven't figured that out yet,?not just online, but in real life, too.?So I guess we had that to celebrate.

But like many of you, we were isolated from extended family.?My sister was halfway across the country.?And one day we were reminiscing about how much we love playing Mario Kart?as we were kids.?And she said, "Well, we could all play together online now."?Why don't we start a family game??And soon we were playing every day?with a video call running at the same time.?And after a couple of weeks I stopped feeling so blah.?I was living zen in the art of Mario Kart.

In the morning our kids were waking up, asking what time we would play.?They were excited.?And they loved it when I would gloat about an impending victory,?only to be bombed by a flying blue shell?and then just sit there watching all three of our kids?drive past me to the finish line in tiny go-carts.?We had so much fun that we started a new Saturday night tradition?after the kids were asleep.?Adult Mario Kart.

So after reflecting on that experience,?I'm proud to present to you for the first time?my Mario Kart theory of peak flow.?It has three conditions: mastery, mindfulness and mattering.

Let's start with mastery.?Mastery is something?a lot of us have been having a hard time finding lately.

Psychologists find that at work?the strongest factor in daily motivation and joy?is a sense of progress.?We find that our happiness depends in Western cultures?more on how our projects are going today than how they went yesterday.?That's why Nike says, "Just do it."?I guess if Nike had been started in a more past-focused country like China,?their slogan would be, "Just did it."?If languishing is stagnation, flow involves momentum.?But mastery does not have to be a big accomplishment,?it can be small wins.?Small wins explain why I was drawn to online Scrabble?for the rush of playing a seven-letter word.?Small wins makes sense of why so many people were thrilled?to bake their first loaf of sourdough bread.?And small wins explain why one engineer spent an entire afternoon?mastering the art of stacking M&M's on top of each other.?Take a look.

(Video) This is going to be harder than I thought.?Oh!?Oh!?Five M&Ms! Five M&Ms!

AG: Turns out that was a world record.

That kind of mastery depends on a second condition for flow,?mindfulness.?Focusing your full attention on a single task,?not something a lot of us are doing that much these days.

[Are you OK? You’re barely paying attention to your book, phone, show ... ]?[ ... laptop and the crossword you started ten minutes ago.]

There's evidence that on average, people are checking emails 74 times a day,?switching tasks every 10 minutes,?and that creates what's been called time confetti,?where we take what could be meaningful moments of our lives?and we shred them?into increasingly tiny, useless pieces.?Time confetti is an enemy of both energy and of excellence.?If we want to find flow, we need better boundaries.

[It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds.]

When I think about boundaries,?I think of an experiment by organizational scholar Leslie Perlow.?She went to a Fortune 500 company and she tested a quiet time policy.?No interruptions three mornings a week before noon.?On average, engineers spiked in productivity.?47 percent of them were more productive than usual.?But the best part is that when the company made quiet time official policy,?they had 65 percent above average productivity.?I don't think there's anything magical?about Tuesday, Thursday, Friday before noon.?The lesson here is that we need to treat uninterrupted blocks of time?as treasures to guard.

Now, mastery and mindfulness will get you to flow,?but there's a third condition that turns it into a peak experience.?Mattering. Knowing that you make a difference to other people.?Early in my career, I was studying fundraising callers?who were trying to bring in alumni donations to a university,?and I knew they were languishing when I saw this sign posted on their wall.

[Doing a good job here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit]?[You get a warm feeling but no one else notices]

I wanted to study how to show them that their work mattered.?So I designed a series of experiments?and over the next month, one group of callers on average?more than doubled in weekly time on the phone?and nearly tripled in weekly revenue.?What moved the needle was randomly assigning them to meet one student?whose scholarship had been funded by their work.?Now, instead of focusing on the monotonous process of making calls,?they were absorbed in a meaningful purpose of helping to fund tuition.?So think about the people who would be worse off if your job didn't exist.?Those are the people who make your work matter.?You need to know their names, their faces and their stories,?and you can find flow in projects that benefit them.

This all explains why Mario Kart was such a great experience for me.?It gave me a feeling of mastery,?the sweet satisfaction of a perfectly placed banana peel?for my sister to slip on.?It required mindfulness too.?My brother-in-law was the best player.?Beating him demanded total concentration,?especially when my kids were ganging up with him against me.?And it wasn't just a game. It mattered.?Over the past year, we've all felt helpless in one way or another.?I felt helpless to fix covid.?I couldn't even do that much to make online school better.?And I'm a teacher.?But in Mario Kart, I felt helpful.?I was able to give my kids something to look forward to?when we couldn't go anywhere.?I was able to keep my family close when we were far apart.?We normally think of flow as an individual experience.?But playing Nintendo, we were all immersed together.?And although we don't play daily anymore,?I feel closer to my sister and my brother-in-law?than I ever had before.?I learned that love is not the frequency of communication,?it's the depth of connections.?I also realized that the antidote to languishing?does not have to be something productive,?it can be something joyful.?Our peak moments of flow are having fun with the people we love,?which is now a daily task on my to-do list.

So what's your version of Mario Kart??Where do you find mastery and mindfulness with the people who matter to you??I think we need to rethink our understanding?of mental health and well-being.?Not depressed doesn't mean you're not struggling.?Not burned out?doesn't mean you're fired up.?When someone says, "How are you?,"?it's OK to say, "Honestly, I'm languishing."?Or if you can only muster one syllable,?"Meh."

And when you're ready, you can start finding the flow?that lights a path out of the void.

Thank you.