我們吃櫻桃派、喝最后一瓶酒時(shí)，他問：“你知道我沒跟澤爾達(dá)之外的任何女人睡過?！?/p>

“我不知道?！?/p>

“我以為我告訴過你?！?/p>

“不。你告訴過我許多事，但這個(gè)沒有?！?/p>

“那跟我必須問你的事有關(guān)。”

“好的。問吧。”

“澤爾達(dá)說，就我的狀況，我不可能取悅其他女人，她對(duì)我不滿也源于此。她說這是個(gè)尺寸問題。她這么說過后，我一直感覺不對(duì)，我得確認(rèn)下?！?/p>

“我們?nèi)マk公室?！蔽艺f。

“辦公室在哪兒？”

“洗手間?！蔽艺f。

我們回到餐桌邊坐下。

“你完全沒問題?！蔽艺f，“你沒問題。沒有哪里不對(duì)勁。你低頭看自己，當(dāng)然會(huì)覺得短些。去盧浮宮，看看那些雕塑，再回家看看鏡子里的自己。”

“那些雕塑可能不準(zhǔn)確。”

“他們很正常。大多數(shù)人都和他們一樣?！?/p>

“但她為何這么說？”

“是為了讓你喪失信心。這是讓世上的男人喪失信心最古老的法子了。斯科特，你要我告訴你真相，我可以告訴你更多，但這就是絕對(duì)的真相，這就是你所需要的一切。你也可以去問個(gè)醫(yī)生。”

“我不想去。我想你告訴我真相?！?/p>

“你現(xiàn)在相信我嗎？”

“我不知道?！彼f。

“我們?nèi)ケR浮宮?！蔽艺f，“就在街那頭，過河就是?！?/p>

我們?nèi)サ奖R浮宮，他看了雕塑，但依然不相信自己。

“平時(shí)它休息時(shí)的尺寸不成問題，”我說，“尺寸是指它BQ之后的模樣，這里也有角度的問題?！蔽矣脗€(gè)枕頭和其他一些東西幫助他理解。

“有個(gè)女孩，”他說，“她對(duì)我很親切，但澤爾達(dá)這么說過之后……”

“忘掉澤爾達(dá)說的話?！蔽腋嬖V他，“澤爾達(dá)瘋了。你一點(diǎn)問題也沒有。有點(diǎn)信心，滿足那女孩。澤爾達(dá)只是想毀了你?！?/p>

“你對(duì)澤爾達(dá)一無所知?！?/p>

“好的，”我說，“這一點(diǎn)隨意好了。但你來吃午飯，問了我個(gè)問題，我已經(jīng)盡力給了你誠實(shí)的答案?！?/p>

——《流動(dòng)的盛宴》張佳瑋譯版

As reported in A Moveable Feast, Fitzgerald sought Hemingway's counsel about Zelda's complaint that his penis was too small to satisfy her. If true, it was an indication of Fitzgerald's respect for Hemingway's expertise in masculine matters that he turned to him for help; but he should have known that his admission would provoke Hemingway's contempt. After checking him in the men's room, Hemingway assured him that he was normal and urged him to repair his confidence by sleeping with somebody else:“Zelda just wants to destroy you.”

Zelda extended her attack on Fitzgerald's masculinity by charging that he was involved in a homosexual liaison with Hemingway, which hurt him more than anything else she said:“The nearest I ever came to leaving you was when you told me you that I was a fairy in the Rue Palatine.…” She cited as evidence his muttering“No more baby”in his sleep after coming home drunk from a meeting with Hemingway. Zelda's accusation was especially painful to Fitzgerald because he had always been contemptuous of“fairies.”It is fashionable to claim that men who are strongly biased against homosexuals are masking their sexual insecurities or compensating for impulses of which they are ashamed. ( This charge has been frequently brought against Hemingway. ) Anyone can be called a latent homosexual, but there is no evidence that Fitzgerald was ever involved in a homosexual attachment. His close friendships with men were expressions of his hero worship and generosity. If Father Fay was a homosexual, as has been asserted without proof, Fitzgerald was presumably unaware of it. Fitzgerald remarked in his Notebooks: “The great homosexual theses — that all great pansies were pansies.”

It is not known whether he reported Zelda's accusation to Hemingway, but Fitzgerald began to worry that he was acquiring a reputation as a homosexual. He was not ready to dismiss Zelda's charge as an indication that she was becoming deranged. ( Suspicion about other people's sexual behavior is one of the symptoms of schizophrenia; and impotence is sometimes a side-effect of alcoholism. ) Intending to verify his masculinity, Fitzgerald decided to try sleeping with a whore and purchased condoms; Zelda found them, and a bitter argument ensued. At the same time she was expressing these suspicions about her husband, Zelda became concerned that she was a latent lesbian. Fitzgerald was furious when Dolly Wilde, a notorious Paris “amazon,”made a pass at Zelda in May 1929.

——《Some Sort of Epic Grandeur》Matthew J. Bruccoli