7 Ways to Bring a Dead Friendship Back to Life, Part2

Get vulnerable.

1.敞開心扉才能建立更深的聯(lián)系

Another key to cultivating stronger friendships is allowing yourself to be vulnerable:opening up and showing your friends your true self, even if you’re worried they won’t like it. Research suggests that can be particularly difficult for men, who often avoid expressing intimate feelings because they fear social rejection.

“There’s no way around it,” Tremaine says. “There’s no loophole. You’re going to have to be at least a little vulnerable and share a little about who you are to connect with other humans.”However, she qualifies, that doesn’t mean you have to immediately reveal all your most personal traumas and secrets.

2.可以先展現(xiàn)自己的小觀點(diǎn)

Tremaine suggests starting by sharing small opinions: Raise your hand in whatever room you’re in, whether it’s volunteering what you thought about your book club’s latest choice or how you would grill the steaks.?

“The more yourself you are, the more attractive you are to others as friends,” she says.

Challenge yourself to dive even deeper by telling your friends what you’re currently struggling with and what scares you, Franco advises.

If it feels uncomfortable, remember that it’s better for you—and the other person—than staying silent. “When we’re vulnerable, we feel like we’re burdening people,” she says. “But being vulnerable conveys that we like them and trust them. And fundamentally, that brings people closer together.”

Mix in some novelty.

3.加點(diǎn)新鮮感

It might be time to inject a shot of new energy into your most familiar friendships. That goes for both conversations and activities: We tend to talk about the same topics over and over, and meet at the same places at the same times.

There’s nothing wrong with that, Kirmayer notes, but novelty can open the door to deeper bonds. “Carve out?moments of conversation where you can?go off script,” she says.

And brainstorm new adventures you can embark on together, whether that’s traveling to a?bucket-list?destination or?working up?the nerve to join a?pickleball?team together.

carve out 開發(fā)，例如：“She managed to carve out a successful career in a male-dominated industry through determination and hard work. ”(她通過決心和努力，在男性主導(dǎo)的行業(yè)中創(chuàng)造出成功的職業(yè)生涯。)

go off script 自由發(fā)揮， 例如：“During the live performance, the actors can decide to go off script and ad-lib a hilarious exchange with the audience, making the show even more memorable.”（在現(xiàn)場(chǎng)表演時(shí)，演員可以決定自由發(fā)揮，與觀眾即興互動(dòng)，使表演更難忘。）

a bucket-list 遺愿清單

work up 激發(fā)，引起?，例如：“The suspenseful music gradually worked up a sense of tension in the movie's climactic scene. ”(懸疑音樂逐漸引起電影高潮場(chǎng)景中的緊張感。)

pickleball 匹克球

Express gratitude.

4.學(xué)會(huì)感恩

When’s the last time you told your friends how much you appreciate them? There’s good reason to do so the next time you talk: Research suggests that gratitude plays an important role in helping friendships grow.

Make it a point to show you’re thankful for who they are as a person—their core traits and values—and the big and little things they do. “Notice the moment when a friend says something really supportive, or when they initiate plans,” Kirmayer advises.

You might phrase it like this: “Thank you so much for being the one to put together plans for this weekend. It really meant a lot.” If you’re feeling particularly inspired, you could even write what some experts call a “l(fā)iving eulogy,”or a letter that outlines everything you admire and appreciate about your friend.

Show up for the important moments.

5.出現(xiàn)在關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻

Every friendship will inevitably arrive at what Franco describes as diagnostic moments: The highs and lows in life that “disproportionately affect” how we label our relationships.?

Was your friend there when you got a promotion, were diagnosed with something scary, went through a divorce, or met someone new? The answer plays a large role in determining how much we’ll value that friendship.

Commit to improving your bond together.

6.積極維護(hù)友誼，共享你的想法

If you’re feeling disconnected from a friend, bring it up in conversation. Tell them how much you care about them and let them know you’d like to find ways to stay connected or deepen your connection—and ask if they have any ideas that could help make that happen, Kirmayer suggests.?

The goal is to have a collaborative, productive conversation, while making it clear how much you value the friendship.

7.遇到不舒服的情況要保持充分溝通

If you’re upset about something specific that happened, address it directly instead of simply withdrawing, Franco advises.?

“When you don't bring things up, it's like holding someone guilty before giving them a trial,” she says. “Healthy conflict can just look like, ‘Hey, I was hurt when this happened, and I hoped we could talk it out.’”

8.不要積聚問題，朋友也可以一起去做心理咨詢

Some friends even go to therapy together, just like romantic partners might, Franco adds. That can be particularly helpful if you have a tendency to let little issues accumulate without addressing them.

“Friendship is very important, and intimacy is intimacy,” she says. “If we need that tune-up for one type of relationship, we’re going to need it for another.”