I?am?going?to?tell?you?my?whole?life,?the?life?which?did?not?really?begin?until?the?day?I?first?saw?you.?What?I?can?recall?before?that?day?is?gloomy?and?confused,?a?memory?as?of?a?cellar?filled?with?dusty,?dull,?and?cobwebbed?things?and?people,?a?place?with?which?my?heart,?has?no?concern.

我要向你傾訴我的一生。事實上，我的生命是從認識你的那一刻起才真正開始。在此之前，我的生活只是陰暗混亂的，就像深埋在內(nèi)心深處的地窖，堆滿了那些我不愿再想起的、塵封的人和事，他們已經(jīng)從我的記憶中遠去。

But?I?had?no?confidant;?I?had?been?neither?taught?nor?warned;?I?was?inexperienced?and?unsuspecting.?I?rushed?to?meet?my?fate.?Everything?that?stirred?in?me,?all?that?happened?to?me,?

seemed?to?be?centred?upon?you,?upon?my?imaginings?of?you.

我沒有見過世面，甚至沒有半點心理準備，就這樣-頭栽進了自己的命運當中，就像跌進萬丈深淵。我心里只有一個人，那就是你，連睡覺做夢也只夢見你，我把你視為唯一的知音。

You?became?for?me—what?simile?can?do?justice?to?my?feelings??You?became?for?me?the?whole?of?my?life.?Nothing?existed?for?me?except?in?so?far?as?it?related?to?you.?Nothing?had?meaning?for?me?unless?it?bore?upon?you?in?some?way.?You?had?changed?everything?for?me.

我該怎么對你說才好呢？任何比喻都不足以形容我對你的感情：你是我的一切，是我全部的生命，世間萬物都因為你的存在才有了意義，而我生活中的一切，也只有與你產(chǎn)生聯(lián)系時才有意義。

I?was?ever?near?you,?and?ever?tense;?but?you?were?no?more?aware?of?it?than?you?were?aware?of?the?tension?of?the?mainspring?of?the?watch?in?your?pocket,?faithfully?recording?the?hours?for?you,?accompanying?your?footsteps?with?its?unheard?ticking,?and?vouchsafed?only?a?hasty?glance?for?one?second?among?millions.

我的心始終為你而緊張，為你而顫動，可是你根本感覺不到。我仿佛是你口袋里的懷表，繃緊著發(fā)條，而你卻感覺不到。這根發(fā)條在暗中耐心地為你數(shù)著一分一秒，為你計算時間，帶著沉默的心跳陪著你東奔西走，而在它那滴答不停的幾百萬秒當中，你可能只會匆匆地瞥它一眼。

I?myself?lived?once?more,?now?that?I?was?near?you,?you?who?were?my?unending?dream.?When?nothing?but?the?thin,?shining?pane?of?glass?was?between?you?and?my?uplifted?eyes,?I?could?ignore?the?fact?that?in?reality?I?was?as?far?from?your?mind?as?if?I?had?been?separated?by?mountains?and?valleys?and?rivers.?Enough?that?I?could?go?on?looking?at?your?window.?There?was?a?light?in?it;?that?was?your?dwelling;?you?were?there;?that?was?my?world.?For?two?years?I?had?dreamed?of?this?hour,?and?now?it?had?come.?Throughout?that?warm?and?cloudy?evening,?I?stood?in?front?of?your?windows,?until?the?light?was?extinguished.?Not?until?then?did?I?seek?my?own?quarters.

我的心又重新活過來了，因為我可以真切感覺到你的存在。你，我永恒的夢。

我完全沒有想過，在你我之間，無論是隔著千山萬水，還是只隔著一層玻璃窗，對你來說兩者同樣的遙遠。當時的我一直仰著頭，目不轉(zhuǎn)睛地盯著你的窗戶，那里有燈光，你可能正在屋子里，在那個我多年來魂牽夢縈的天地里。兩年來，我朝思暮想的時刻，總算讓我盼到了。這是個漫長的夜，天氣溫和，夜霧彌漫。我就這樣站在你的窗下，一直到窗口的燈光熄滅才離開，去找我住的地方。

The?letter?fell?from?his?nerveless?hands.?He?thought?long?and?deeply.?Yes,?he?had?vague?memories?of?a?neighbour’s?child,?of?a?girl,?of?a?woman?in?a?dancing?hall—all?was?dim?and?confused,?like?the?flickering?and?shapeless?view?of?a?stone?in?the?bed?of?a?swiftly?running?stream.?Shadows?chased?one?another?across?his?mind,?but?would?not?fuse?into?a?picture.?There?were?stirrings?of?memory?in?the?realm?of?feeling,?and?still?he?could?not?remember.?It?seemed?to?him?that?he?must?have?dreamed?of?all?these?figures,?must?have?dreamed?often?and?vividly—and?yet?they?had?only?been?the?phantoms?of?a?dream.?

His?eyes?wandered?to?the?blue?vase?on?the?writing?table.?It?was?empty.?For?years?it?had?not?been?empty?on?his?birthday.?He?shuddered,?feeling?as?if?an?invisible?door?bad?been?suddenly?opened,?a?door?through?which?a?chill?breeze?from?another?world?was?blowing?into?his?sheltered?room.?An?intimation?of?death?came?to?him,?and?an?intimation?of?deathless?love.?Something?welled?up?within?him;?and?the?thought?of?the?dead?woman?stirred?in?his?mind,?bodiless?and?passionate,?like?the?sound?of?distant?music

他顫抖著雙手，把信放下。然后他凝神沉思，想了很久。他模模糊糊地回憶起一個鄰家的小女孩，一個少女,一個舞廳里的女人，可是這些記憶模糊不清，混亂不堪,就像嘩嘩流淌的河水底下的一塊石頭，閃爍不定，變幻莫測。陰影不斷涌來，又迅速散去，終究無法拼出完整的圖形。他勾起一些情感上的回憶，卻怎么也回想不起來。他似乎夢見過所有這些影像，常常在深沉的夢里見到，然而，并不真切。

他的目光忽然落到前面書桌上的那只藍花瓶上。瓶里是空的，這些年來，第一次在他生日這一天花瓶是空的沒有花。他悚然一驚，仿佛覺得有一扇看不見的門突然被打開了，陰冷的氣流從另外一個世界吹進了他寧靜的房間。他感覺到死亡，感覺到不朽的愛情，百感千愁一時涌上他的心頭，他隱約想起那個看不見的女人，她飄浮不定，然而熱烈奔放，猶如遠方傳來的一陣樂聲。