1866：輝光

大不里士

1866年一月

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我親愛的侄子

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收到你的來信實(shí)在是讓我驚訝又喜悅。對(duì)你和你的新婚妻子致以最熱烈的恭喜與祝福，不過距離你信上的日期已經(jīng)過去了一整年，所以我想大概也稱不上“新婚”了。衷心希望你們這會(huì)兒已經(jīng)有了孩子。哎，但我不得不拒絕你善意的邀請(qǐng)，盡管我深感遺憾。不過至于你的另一個(gè)問題，我會(huì)回答——至少試著回答。

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你真誠(chéng)的贊頌我作為軍人的英勇，但不齒我甘做逃兵的行為。是的，“逃兵”，我承認(rèn)這個(gè)字眼。你不得不替我背負(fù)恥辱，但請(qǐng)?jiān)徫?。毫無疑問，在另一重歷史中，我會(huì)繼續(xù)為女王服務(wù)，有時(shí)回想起這些我仍會(huì)感到后悔。但你可以看到，在那天我的劍被折斷了。

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需要解釋的東西實(shí)在太多，我必須仔細(xì)斟酌我的措辭。在給你母親的信里，我說我的馬倒霉地被庫(kù)斯蓋軍團(tuán)(Khusgai)的滑膛槍射中了，而這不完全是事實(shí)。真相其實(shí)更微不足道，但也更至關(guān)重要。

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當(dāng)時(shí)我們只有不到一百人（我所在的中隊(duì)兵力不足），而庫(kù)斯蓋軍團(tuán)的人員數(shù)卻八倍于此。我的侄子，如果你認(rèn)為相比于愛爾蘭人波斯人不值一提，或者與步槍相比滑膛槍毫無威脅，那么今天就讓我打消你的這種看法。那天早晨厚重的霧氣讓福布斯上尉將他們誤判成了騎兵。然而他們不是，他們是近衛(wèi)團(tuán)的成員，是波斯人中最精銳的步兵，而且早早的排成了方陣，拿著刺刀對(duì)準(zhǔn)了我們。我們所有人都既精力過剩又缺乏耐心，福布斯上尉注意到，在迷霧中庫(kù)斯蓋軍團(tuán)脫離了波斯主力軍，也沒有得到額外支援。榮耀就在眼前，當(dāng)福布斯上尉下令沖鋒時(shí)，我們歡呼著。

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這是無可辯駁的愚行，而且我還沒有告訴你我自己犯下的蠢事。但這所有的一切也都是榮耀。帝國(guó)希望讓波斯國(guó)王遠(yuǎn)離赫拉特公國(guó)(Herat)（此地在我們的保護(hù)之下），但并不打算一舉擊敗他（因?yàn)槲覀冃枰麃韺?duì)抗俄國(guó)人）。所以我們雖然在戰(zhàn)斗，卻并非為了勝利。然后福布斯上尉決定發(fā)起進(jìn)攻。于是你叔叔拿著他的軍刀沖鋒——我希望我能說當(dāng)我揮著它時(shí)，它在陽光下閃閃發(fā)光，但事實(shí)上這里除了濃霧還是濃霧。當(dāng)然，大霧救了我們，否則他們的滑膛槍能瞬間結(jié)束我們的生命。濃霧甚至阻滯了他們開火聲的傳播，所以我們不知道距離他們有多近。突然，我看到他們的帽子、他們驚恐的面孔和由刺刀組成的藩籬出現(xiàn)在我眼前，可憐的米南德試圖閃開，但已經(jīng)遲了。我又能做什么呢，只能試著把他拉住，好讓他像其他人一樣越過著道刀墻。

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好吧，當(dāng)時(shí)我們所有人的情況都很糟糕，可能有些人尤為糟糕。米南德直挺挺地沖向他們的方陣，結(jié)果就是被他們的刀刃直接刺穿，當(dāng)我從他倒下的身子下掙脫出來時(shí)，我想他已經(jīng)死了。借著零星的光，我祈禱著，因?yàn)樗局档靡粋€(gè)比我能給他的更好的結(jié)局。 我剛提到我試圖掙脫出來，我的左手也在那個(gè)時(shí)候被壓碎了，但其他摔倒的人情況更差，米南德的脖子明顯已經(jīng)折斷了，躺在地上像一個(gè)破布袋，他的確死了。我的右手尚有余力揮劍，因此當(dāng)另一個(gè)人向我襲來時(shí)，我給了他他應(yīng)得的死亡，但完全是運(yùn)氣使然——因?yàn)楫?dāng)他倒下時(shí)，我從他身上拔回我的劍，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)它也已被米南德壓折了。

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那時(shí)我就站在敵人隊(duì)伍的中心，但我的同僚們也在向他們進(jìn)攻，他們的陣型在我們的沖鋒下開始潰散，所以這些波斯人的注意力幾乎不在我身上。然而我仍毫無戰(zhàn)斗力可言，只感自己生存希望渺?！沂稚仙踔翛]有一把完整的劍。騎兵沖入方陣引發(fā)的混亂就像是懸崖和波浪，只不過這里的懸崖是血肉之軀，而波浪如滾石般沖擊著它。世界充斥著狂暴的血——對(duì)雙方而言都是如此。

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接下來是你可以選擇相信——抑或是不相信的部分，決定權(quán)在你。

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關(guān)于這場(chǎng)戰(zhàn)役，你已經(jīng)從其他途徑聽說過的那版結(jié)局大體是真實(shí)的：馬爾科姆森中尉發(fā)現(xiàn)了摔倒的我，他騎著馬沖了過來，讓我借力登上他的馬鐙，然后帶著我脫離了險(xiǎn)境。當(dāng)他確保我已經(jīng)安全并轉(zhuǎn)身離開時(shí)，這場(chǎng)沖鋒已經(jīng)基本結(jié)束了，庫(kù)斯蓋軍團(tuán)投降了——那些少數(shù)活下來了的人。在這八百人中，我們最終只活捉了二十人。一場(chǎng)聲名卓著的勝利。

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但是，侄子，我希望你能有足夠的理性去質(zhì)疑你過去所聽到的那個(gè)“事實(shí)”——在一個(gè)一百人對(duì)八百人的戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)上，一個(gè)騎在馬上的人像割麥子一樣從那些在他面前顯得過于脆弱的敵人中殺出一條血路，然后拯救了他英勇的戰(zhàn)友。我們兩人都因此被授勛——維多利亞十字勛章——最高等的榮譽(yù)。還有比這更天方夜譚的事嗎？

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但所有謊言都是真相的影子——它們總是有著相同的輪廓。在獅子匠的迷宮里我明白了這一點(diǎn)。因此，事實(shí)上，馬爾科姆森中尉——我仍然這樣稱呼他，盡管這從來都不是他真正的名字——的確騎著某種東西來救了我。但他騎的根本不是馬，甚至不是騎兵馬。那是某種更可怕的東西——更閃著金光的東西。

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侄子，握緊你的拳頭，你能感到肌肉在皮膚之下移動(dòng)。因而，力量也在世界的表皮下涌動(dòng)，以一種同樣無形但更為強(qiáng)大的脈動(dòng)。一道只有在睡夢(mèng)中可見的光，被火焰最先說出來的話語，甚至是一柄劍的破碎。在我差點(diǎn)死去的那片土地上，它們常常稱其為“沙普爾的教誨”。

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這就是馬爾科姆森那天揭露自己力量的部分原因，另一部分是我和他之間的事情。之后他帶我去西方進(jìn)行了一次朝圣，但我不能告訴你那是哪里。（‘仁慈只在影中覓得’，而這封信中的影子太少了。）

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不過你要求我告訴你為什么我選擇了逃離這里，我會(huì)告訴你這一點(diǎn)。在一個(gè)遠(yuǎn)離卡林福德的地方，‘輝光之人’掃羅祝圣了一座‘無敵’之教堂。在教堂之下躺著一個(gè)被黑色剛玉包裹著的人。其既非長(zhǎng)生者也非凡人，既不是男人也不是女人，既不是真實(shí)的也并非僅存于想象之中的。我看到了他閃閃發(fā)光的皮膚上所寫的東西。所以我再不能回到卡林福德了。

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我的侄子，我說過，世界的力量是由不可見的脈動(dòng)所推動(dòng)的。但反之亦然。手指帶動(dòng)手，而手帶動(dòng)靈魂。這是一個(gè)我尚未完全理解的隱秘，但我已經(jīng)知道它被稱之為“輝光”。

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如果你繼承了你母親的良好判斷力，那就別再深究此事。然而我們家族中的女性總是比男性要更聰明。所以你和我也許是同一類蠢人，因此我會(huì)再多談一點(diǎn)。

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那些我們干掉的庫(kù)斯蓋軍團(tuán)的人，他們的軍旗上有一只銀手。我們用這個(gè)戰(zhàn)利品裝飾自己的旗幟。是的，“我們”，我仍然這樣寫，不打算改——然而我已無法分享那種榮耀了?，F(xiàn)在它被裝點(diǎn)在蒲那騎兵團(tuán)的旗幟上。要是你真想見識(shí)見識(shí)，那么我覺得他們會(huì)樂意向你展示的——如果你以馬爾科姆森的名號(hào)而不是我的的話。那面旗幟比庫(kù)斯蓋軍團(tuán)本身古老——我覺得同英格蘭一般古老——但不會(huì)更早了。那旗幟里有教誨蘊(yùn)含其中。

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司掌照明之秘的存在中最為偉大的是守夜人。他說‘仁慈僅能在影中覓得。’但這并非說仁慈無處可覓，群獅迷宮之中陰影永續(xù)長(zhǎng)存。

?敬祝

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你的叔叔

亞瑟

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PS1:文本中所提到的戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)應(yīng)當(dāng)是1856至1857間發(fā)生的英國(guó)-波斯戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)。波斯卡扎爾王朝治下的赫拉特公國(guó)宣布獨(dú)立并接受東印度公司的保護(hù),而后英國(guó)與波斯開戰(zhàn)。

PS2:文本中所描述的具體戰(zhàn)役是英波戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)中的庫(kù)沙卜之戰(zhàn)(Battle of Khushab),其中最著名的一場(chǎng)沖突是第三孟買輕騎兵團(tuán)（后合并為浦那騎兵團(tuán)）對(duì)法爾斯第一庫(kù)斯蓋軍團(tuán)發(fā)起的沖鋒。首先沖入戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)的亞瑟·托馬斯·摩爾中尉和隨后救出了摩爾的約翰·格蘭特·馬爾科姆森上尉被授予維多利亞十字勛章。

PS3:文本中提到掃羅祝圣了一座‘無敵之教堂’（a church Invictine）,此處‘invictine’為拉丁語invicta(無敵)的變形。同時(shí)與無敵太陽教會(huì)名稱中的‘無敵’同源。

原文

1866: Illumination

Tabriz?

January 1866?

My dear nephew

What a surprise and a pleasant one to hear from you. My warmest congratulations and wishes to your new wife, except that it is a year since the date of your letter and so I suppose no longer new. I hope indeed by now you are blest with children. Alas I must refuse your kind invitation though with the deepest regret. But your other question, I will answer. I will try.

You speak kindly of my gallantry and less kindly of my desertion. Yes I acknowledge the word. Forgive me the shame of it which you must carry. There is another History no doubt where I continued in the Empress' service and I think of it sometimes with regret. But you see my sword was broken that day…

So much to explain and I must choose my words carefully. I wrote to your mother that my horse took an unlucky ball from a Khusgai musket. This was not altogether honest. The truth is lesser, and greater.

We numbered barely a hundred (the squadron being somewhat below strength) and the Khusgai eight times that. And my nephew if you think the Persian is to be disregarded against the Irishman, or the musket against the rifle, let me rid you of that thought today. Captain Forbes had taken them for cavalry in the morning mist and they were not, they were of a Guard Regiment, the finest of their infantry, and they stood ready in a square with bayonets fixed against us. But we were all of us in fine spirits and impatient, and Captain Forbes saw that in the mist they had come unstuck from the greater Persian force and were not supported. Here was glory and when he ordered the charge we cheered.

It was foolishness on foolishness and I have not told you yet of my own foolishness and yet all those were glory also. The Empire wished to keep the Shah from Herat (which was under our protection) but not to defeat him (for we needed him against the Russians). So we were fighting but not for victory. Then Capt. Forbes' decision to charge them. And your uncle at the head of the charge with his sabre - I wish I could say it flashed in the sunshine as I brandished it but the mist, the mist. And the mist of course saved us or their muskets would have ended our charge untimely, but it deadened the sound of their fire so we knew not how close until we were on them. Suddenly your uncle sees their shakos and their fierce frightened faces and their bayonets like a fence of knives loom up before him, and poor Menander seeks to swerve aside but it was altogether too late. What am I to do but try to pull his head straight and have him jump that fence like any other.

Well it ended badly for us all and it might have ended worse. Menander crashes down upon their ranks and he is pierced all through by their blades and I think he is dead by the time I haul myself from beneath him. By the Light that was divided I pray it so for he deserved better than I gave him in the end. As I say I haul myself out, and my left hand is crushed, but the other fellow on whom we fell is worse, Menander has broken his neck and he is lying all wrong. My right still serves to swing my sword and when another comes at me I give him what he merits but it is all my luck again, for as he falls and I draw the sword back from him I see that it was broken too by Menander's fall.?

There I am then in the very ranks of the enemy but my brother-soldiers cutting at them too and the square beginning to break, so the Persians have other things to worry about than me. Still lamed as I am with barely a sword worth the name I have very little confidence in my situation. The chaos when cavalry crashes upon a square is like a wave upon a cliff only if the cliff was flesh and stones the wave upon it. There is no part of my world or theirs that is not furious blood…

Now comes the part that you can credit or not, as you choose.

The tag-end of the story you will have heard is almost true. Lt. Malcolmson saw me fall and he fought his way through and he lent me his stirrup and we came free and by the time he had seen me safe and turned around again the action was all but done and the Khusgai casting down their weapons. Those few who lived. Of those eight hundred, we took only twenty alive. A famous victory.

The tag-end of the story you will have heard is almost true. Lt. Malcolmson saw me fall and he fought his way through and he lent me his stirrup and we came free and by the time he had seen me safe and turned around again the action was all but done and the Khusgai casting down their weapons. Those few who lived. Of those eight hundred, we took only twenty alive. A famous victory.?

But every lie is truth's shadow. There is always a shape they share. I learnt that later in the Labyrinth. So Lt. Malcolmson - I still call him that though it was never his name - rode indeed to my rescue. But what he rode was nothing like a horse, even a cavalry-horse. Fiercer by far - and by far more golden -?

Nephew, make a fist of your hand. Muscles move beneath the skin. So powers move beneath the skin of the world, at impulses equally invisible, but greater. A light seen only in sleep; words spoken first by fire. Even the shattering of a sword. In the land where I nearly fell, they used to call that the Shahpur's Lesson.

That is part of why Malcolmson unmasked himself that day, and the other part is between him and me. Later he took me West on a kind of pilgrimage. I cannot tell you where. ('Mercy is found only in shadow,' and there are too few shadows on this letter.)

But you have bound me to speak to you of my desertion, so I will tell you this. In a place far from Carlingford where you will read this, Saul the Illuminate consecrated a church Invictine. Beneath that church one lies sheathed in black corundum, neither Long nor mortal, neither man nor woman, neither real nor imagined. I have seen what is written on his shining skin. And so I can never return to Carlingford.

My nephew, I have said that the powers of the world are moved by secret impulse, but the converse is true also. The fingers move the hand which moves the soul. This is a secret I do not yet entirely understand but I have learnt to call Illumination.

My nephew, I have said that the powers of the world are moved by secret impulse, but the converse is true also. The fingers move the hand which moves the soul. This is a secret I do not yet entirely understand but I have learnt to call Illumination.

The Khusgai that we slew. On their standard they bore a silver hand. We took it as a trophy and it graces now the standard of my regiment. I still write that - I will not strike it out - but of course I cannot no longer claim that honour. It graces now the standard of the Poona Horse. If you ask to see it I think they will show it to you - if you use Malcolmson's name and not mine. It is older than the regiment - as old I think as England. But no older. There is a lesson in it.

Greatest among the powers who illuminate is one called Watchman. He it is who says 'Mercy is found only in shadow.' But he does not say that mercy is nowhere found; and shadows lie long at the Labyrinth of Lions.?

Yours ever?

your uncle

Arthur