I’m a CEO and a Working Dad. Here’s What I Wish I Did Differently

The day my twin sons were born was the happiest of my life. There is one thing I regret, though: the conference call I was wrapping up with my executive team as I raced through the hospital doors.

我的雙胞胎兒子出生的那天，是我人生里最快樂的一天。但有件事情讓我后悔：匆匆跑進醫(yī)院的時候，我還忙著跟高管團隊開電話會議。

I wish I could take that call back. But in that whirlwind moment, coupled with my happiness was the immense weight of expectation. As a CEO, I felt an external responsibility to be available. No matter what.

現(xiàn)在想想，我真希望當時沒參加電話會議?？墒窃谀莻€忙亂的時刻，我又開心，又感覺到來自公司的沉甸甸的期望。身為CEO，我感到有責任要讓別人隨時找到我，不管發(fā)生了什么事。

My always-on work ethos didn’t stop there. Instead of taking all of the paid paternity leave that my company, IAC, generously offered, I took one week … stretched out over the course of a few weeks. But even during my time at home – thrown into the elation, novelty, and sleeplessness (did I mention they were twins?) of new parenthood – I kept working. I took phone calls and answered emails. I looked at spreadsheets and made decisions.?Business doesn’t stop, so neither can I,?I told myself.?Hundreds of people at work are depending on me. I can’t let them down.?I wouldn’t allow myself to fully disconnect, not even for one week!

我隨時待機的工作作風還不止如此。我所在的IAC公司慷慨地提供了帶薪育兒假，但我并沒有休滿，幾周下來總共只休了一個星期。即使我在家里，因為初次為人父母而興高采烈、新奇不已，而且睡不了覺（因為是一對雙胞胎），我也一直在工作。我接電話、回復郵件，看電子表格，做決定。公司運營沒有停止，我也不能停下。我告訴自己，幾百名員工依賴著我，我不能讓他們失望。我無法允許自己徹底失聯(lián)，哪怕一個星期都不行！

This is a common problem among working dads, especially senior leaders and managers. Even while employers are increasingly offering paid paternity leave benefits, most new dads take significantly less time than their benefit allows. Of the fathers who do take paid leave (if it’s offered), 70% return to work in 10 days or less,?according to the U.S. Department of Labor. A key reason why? Unsupportive leadership. In a 2019 study by the?Boston College Center for Work and Family, 55% of men said they didn’t feel extremely supported by senior management in their decision to take paternity leave.

這是職場爸爸的通病，高層領導者和管理者尤其嚴重。越來越多的雇主提供帶薪育兒假福利，但大部分新手爸爸實際休假遠少于公司福利提供的休假時長。根據(jù)美國勞工部的數(shù)據(jù)，休假的爸爸里有70%在10天內(nèi)回歸職場。原因何在？在于領導層沒有提供足夠的支持。2019年波士頓學院工作與家庭中心的一項研究表明，55%的男性感到高管層并不是特別支持自己休育兒假的決定。

My boys are 5 now, and my partner and I are more worried about them starting kindergarten than sleepless nights. And it’s taken introspection and experience as both a father and a leader to admit a hard truth: By not taking all my paternity leave — and working while I should have been “off” — I was letting my sons down as their dad and my partner down as a co-parent. And, through my example as a leader, I was letting down the other parents at my company.

現(xiàn)在我兒子五歲了，我和妻子不會再被吵得無法睡覺，而是更加擔心他們上幼兒園的問題。作為父親和領導者，需要自省和經(jīng)驗才能承認這樣一個事實：我沒有休完育兒假，而且休假的時候還在工作，因此讓兒子和妻子失望了，沒有當好爸爸和共同承擔育兒責任的家長。身為領導者如此行事，也讓公司里其他有孩子的員工失望。

Again, the problem wasn’t my paternity benefits — my company had the right policies in place. The problem was the disconnect between written policy and actual culture. I was contributing to a norm that company comes first and being a dad comes second. When I took that call on the day of my sons’ birth, I was unwittingly sending a message to other dads at my office that they’d be stigmatized if they didn’t do the same. I was communicating that they’d be marginalized in their career advancement and perceived as being less committed to their job if they show commitment as a parent.

問題并不在于我獲得的育兒福利——公司有很好的政策。問題在于政策與實際的文化脫節(jié)。我自己也是個壞榜樣：表明公司第一，育兒第二。兒子出生的那天，我參加了電話會議，無意間向辦公室里其他有孩子的人傳達了這樣的信息：如果不像我一樣，他們可能會受到責難。我讓他們覺得，如果專心育兒，就會在職業(yè)發(fā)展中被邊緣化，被認為沒有那么投入工作。

Dad-unfriendly work cultures fester in other insidious ways. Male leaders and managers will often hide their parenting responsibilities from their teams or not take advantage of flexible work arrangements available to them to project the?“ideal worker”?image. Other working dads are pressured to follow that behavior. Care.com conducted a?survey?during the summer of the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic that found that 51% of working dads sometimes hide their child care concerns because they worry their employer or colleagues won’t understand.

對父親不友好的職場文化，會以其他隱晦的方式惡化。男性領導者和管理者會經(jīng)常向團隊隱瞞自己的育兒責任，或者有可用的靈活工作制度也不用，以打造“理想員工”的形象。其他職場爸爸迫于壓力，不得不這樣做。Care.com網(wǎng)站在2020年夏天新冠病毒流行的時候開展了一項問卷調(diào)查，發(fā)現(xiàn)51%的職場爸爸會隱瞞自己在育兒方面的問題，因為擔心雇主或同事不理解。

These behaviors perpetuate unhealthy and, frankly, unrealistic expectations for working dads — and breed a culture that’s shrouded in lies and built on burnout.

這些行為延續(xù)了對職場爸爸不健康且不切實際的期望，構成了一種籠罩著謊言、植根于職業(yè)倦怠的職場文化。

What happens when company culture supports working dads??A dad-friendly culture has a halo effect that benefits working mothers, too — and the positive effects reverberate throughout the organization.

假如企業(yè)文化支持職場爸爸會如何？對職場爸爸友好的企業(yè)文化會產(chǎn)生光環(huán)效應，對職場媽媽也有好處，積極影響惠及整個組織。

Furthering gender equality

促進性別平等

Historically, the false assumption has been that men don’t need to worry about child care — that’s what moms are for. So, when men enter senior leadership positions, they often fail to make caregiving a priority inside their organization because balancing parenting and work hasn’t been an issue for?their?careers.

一直以來的錯誤預設是，男性不必為育兒擔心——那是媽媽的事。因此男性走上高層領導職位后，往往不會在組織內(nèi)將育兒作為重點，因為自己的職業(yè)發(fā)展中并沒有遇到平衡育兒和工作的問題。

It’s certainly been a huge issue for women’s careers, though. This has been confirmed by numerous studies, including the?2020 Women in the Workplace Report?by LeanIn.org and McKinsey & Company, which surveyed more than 300 companies and more than 40,000 employees from the entry level to the C-suite. Not only are mothers doing more work at home than fathers, but they are also more than twice as likely as fathers to worry that they’re being judged more harshly at work because of their caregiving obligations at home. They’re also far less comfortable than fathers at sharing their work-life challenges with colleagues or even the fact that they are parents at all.

但這對女性的事業(yè)發(fā)展是個大問題。許多研究證實了這一點，如LeanIn.org 網(wǎng)站和麥肯錫公司的2020年職場女性報告，調(diào)查了三百多家公司從初級職位到C級的四萬多名員工。母親不僅在家里做的家務比父親多，擔心由于育兒責任而在工作上受到嚴厲批評的比例也是父親的兩倍以上。她們還無法像父親一樣輕松地與同事交流自己在工作生活平衡上的難題，甚至不敢透露自己有孩子。

The Covid-19 pandemic amplified this reality and made things worse. With child care centers closed and schools going virtual or hybrid, women have taken on even more child care work at home. And they’re dropping out of the workforce as a result, particularly those in senior leadership and Black women. This is erasing decades of progress towards gender equality. As of September 2020, the percentage of women participating in the U.S. workforce dropped to?55.6%, down from a peak of 60.3% in April 2000.

新冠流行放大了這樣的現(xiàn)實，讓情況更加糟糕。托兒所關閉，學校轉為線上或混合授課，女性在家承擔了更多的育兒工作，因此失去工作，特別是擔任高管的女性和黑人女性。這種狀況抹消了數(shù)十年性別平等的進展。截至2020年9月，美國參加工作的女性比例下降到55.6%，2000年4月最高時為60.3%。

The only way to achieve gender equality at work is to embolden male employees and give them the support they need at work so they can be more involved at home — while allowing their partners to work, too.

在工作上實現(xiàn)性別平等的唯一途徑，是鼓勵男性員工，支持他們多承擔家務責任——讓他們的伴侶去工作。

Attracting and retaining talented working parents

吸引和保留有才能的職場父母

Business leaders who don’t support working fathers risk losing them to companies that do. Nearly 70% of working dads say they would change jobs to spend more time with their kids, according to?a 2018 study?by Promundo and Dove Men + Care.

不支持職場父親的企業(yè)領導者，可能會失去這部分員工，促使他們轉投提供支持的其他雇主。2018年Promundo和Dove Men + Care的一項研究表明，近70%的職場爸爸表示愿意為了多陪孩子換工作。

Retaining talented parents starts by understanding, talking, and listening to them. Get their feedback through surveys to uncover their struggles. Use employee resource groups to have open, honest communication. Consider joining one yourself and participate on equal footing.

要留住有才能的職場父母，需要與他們交流，傾聽和理解他們。用問卷調(diào)查獲取他們的反饋，了解他們的難題。利用員工資源團體進行開放、坦誠的交流。領導者自己也可以加入這樣的團體，與員工平等地交流。

Working parents also need to feel encouraged to face their fears and have honest conversations with management, however uncomfortable, about what they need. In these conversations, you may discover that one-size-fits-all parental benefits aren’t always helpful and that parents need more tailored options.

職場父母也需要獲得鼓勵，面對自己的擔憂，還要克服不安與管理層坦誠交流，說出自己的需求。在交流中，領導者可能會發(fā)現(xiàn)通用的育兒福利有時作用不大，職場父母需要更加適合自己具體情況的選項。

Research has shown that successful leaders adopt a?growth and learning mindset, both for themselves and for the business. Adopt this same thinking about your working parent workforce. Care about them as much as you do your next product launch or your quarterly earnings.

研究表明，成功的領導者具備成長與學習的思維方式，對于自己和公司都是如此。對待員工團隊中的職場父母也要采取這種思維方式。要像關心下一次產(chǎn)品發(fā)布或季度財報一樣關心他們。

Committing to the culture

致力于打造文化

Before I accepted my role as CEO of Care.com, I committed to a new work-life philosophy: I was a dad first, and to be a great leader, I needed to bring my?authentic self to work. I made it clear to my new leadership team and employees that I expected them to adopt the same philosophy. The mission of Care.com is to help families balance their lives and work while caring for all they love. We couldn’t as a company deliver on that mission if we didn’t embody it ourselves.

接受Care.com的CEO職位之前，我建立了新的工作生活哲學：我首先是一位父親，為了當好領導者，我必須在工作中表露真實的自我。我對新的領導團隊和員工表明，我希望他們接受這套觀念。Care.com的使命是幫助有家庭的人平衡生活與工作，照顧好自己愛的每一個人。作為一家公司，假如我們自己做不到這一點，就無法履行這個使命。

As CEO, it started with me, but it takes leaders and managers throughout any organization to set the right example for our employees. We must be cognizant of the attitudes and behaviors that compound to create a stressful culture for working parents. During my week of leave, I’d often get asked by colleagues to have a quick call …“just 5 minutes.” I felt the obligation to say yes — and, of course, that call turned into several “quick” 5-minute calls. If leaders and managers don’t draw boundaries, then nobody else in the company will, either.

我是CEO，要率先以身作則。組織上下的領導者和管理者都要為員工作榜樣。我們必須明白是怎樣的態(tài)度和行為造成了對職場父母苛刻的企業(yè)文化。我休假時總有同事要給我打電話，“就五分鐘?！蔽腋械阶约河辛x務答應——而后就會接到很多個所謂五分鐘的電話。如果領導者和管理者不劃清界限，那么組織里的其他人就更不可能了。

So, as a leader, be vulnerable, honest, and empathetic about your life as a parent. Encourage other dads in the company to do the same. Ensure that all the parents at your organization have access to great benefits like paid leave, backup care, and flexible work schedules. And, make sure you use them so that they do, too.

因此，作為領導者，要坦陳自己的脆弱，重視和感受自己為人父母的責任。鼓勵公司里的其他父親也這樣做。確保自己公司里有孩子的員工都能獲得充分的福利，如帶薪休假、育兒后備方案和靈活工作時間等。還有，領導者自己要積極使用這些福利，其他員工才會用。

A few weeks ago, I was on a Zoom call with my team and was surprised to see a senior manager who I knew was supposed to be on his family vacation. Instinctively, I told him, “I really appreciate your commitment, but you’re not supposed to be working right now. I’ll catch up with you when you’re back from spending time with your family.” With his kids visible in the background, he got the message and quickly hung up.

幾周前，我與團隊開線上視頻會議時，驚訝地看到了一位應該在休家庭假期的高管。我不假思索地對他說，“非常感謝你的熱心，但你現(xiàn)在不應該在工作。等你陪伴家人回來，我會找你溝通的?！彼暮⒆觽兂霈F(xiàn)在他那邊的背景里，他聽到我的話，很快就退出了視頻。

I wasn’t just talking to him. I was talking to everyone on that call, including myself.

我不只是在對他一個人說話。我是對參會的所有人說的，包括我自己在內(nèi)。

蒂姆·艾倫（Tim Allen）|文

蒂姆·艾倫是Care.com公司的首席執(zhí)行官，負責監(jiān)督公司的戰(zhàn)略方向、領導力和發(fā)展。

朔間|譯? 周強|編校